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PbLTlE MISCELLANT : 

CONTAINING 

Variety jof Food for the Mind; 

BEING AN 

ELEGANT COLLECTION 

/ OF 

Morale HumoarouSy and Improving EfTays, Sccl 

BOTH IN FROSE AND VERSE. 

AMONG VHICK ARE, 

Riefleffions on Coortflisp and X StrUdxi^ Chara^ers, 

Marriage, O Inftrudive Letters, 

IV. Oriental Eclognes x iMalogues on Toleration and 

Remarkable Anecdotes, or fe- K Travel, 

cret Hiftories of. Eminent v Receipts in Phyfic and other 

Peribns, X Arts and Sciences, 

Eztradb from the Works of Improvements in Hufhandry, 

Voltatr, Churchill, & other X Infcriptions on MonumenU» 

great 6enias's, o &c, 

RuksfortheCondu^oCLife,. ^' Fables, Paftorals; Elegies, E- 

and Sayii^ of Wife Men, K pitaphs, and Epigrams, 

Sdedt Hiftorips,. ^ 

With many other curious Articles, by the beft Authors. 



Ahve. the reft that Author hits the White, 
Who ft rives to mingle Profit with Delight. 



MANCHESTER: 
Printed by R.Whitworth, MDCCLXIV, 



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ASTOs», L^NOX AND 
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.-.T-H..E. • .- ~ ■:}■ 

POLITE MISCELLANY: 

O R, A 

COLLECTION of ESSAYS, 

MoRAL;> Humourous, and Political, 

, ^ In prose and verse.. 

The Hopes and JVtfbes of ah Soneft Englijbman. 

MAY our paft offences, our ufuries, our. briberies, 
our Sunday card-play ings, or our proftitutfons, 
our ftock-jobbings, or our gamblings, be remem- 
bered no more. May xhQ Deity, who hath 
bleffed us with vi<5tory, not be angry at our 
peace-offerings. , 

From being iH ufed by exciftfnlett, from the crafts and aflaults . 
of informers, from the terror of meffengers, and fear of arbi- 
trary power, I hope we fhall be'dcilitered. 

From falfenefs of heart, arid the want of compaflion, may 
our great gentlemen and ladies be preferred. And likewife 
frOTh folly and flattery, ftcmi contempt of merit and hatred 
of integrity, from buffobns, pimps, and infmcerity. 

May men of eftates be infpired with true taftc arid under- 
ftanding, may humility be beftowed upon ladies of fortune, 
and may all omt minifters be endued with rigMeouihefs. 

More particularly I wifh that the hands, of the jufyces 
may be ftrengdiened; that they ifea^ hav^ it " more in their 
power to adminifter mercy j and that they may have the 
due fenfe which they may want. May the foft dew of huma«» 
nity be ihed upon parifh pfficcts, that they may have iym- 
pathy to feel for others, and that diftrtfi jda'y nol fa 6ft6n 
die under their hands. 
VOL. L B May 



^k.' 



1 



i THE POLITE MISCELLANY: or, 

May it pl^e heaven to prcfcrve all the Englifh pec^le I'fii 
tkcir lib^x:ties» and' to grant them hearts to love one g^other 
more, and themfelves lefs ; and to give them alfo grace, bi^t 
not that grace which embcllifheth dukedoms, nor th^ grace 
of canting hypocrites, but. that .real grace, that benignity 
of mind, that portion of ui^derftanding, capable to prfeferve 
them jitft and fret ; and that they may have pfwer te over- 
iome all their enemies. 

May truth be introduced among us. 

May all thofe who are impofed upon be fuccoured ; and 
the widows and orphans befriended, and the legiflature in- 
fpired to examine the truftees accounts. 

That ghittony may be ettmgtiiihed from parifh-meetings^ 
fimony from the church, gaming from among men of honour, 
adultery weeded from matrimony; pettifogging from tl^ 
fcourts of juftice ; and may all thofe who are iu. power have 
good hearts. \ 

May decency not be drove out of the land, nor honefty 
permitted any more to be made a laughing-ftock ; and may 
integrity be preferved from all afTafllnations. 

From all the temptations of pimps^ from>aU aiTaultis of felf- 
felling, may heaven deliver us. 



ExtraBs from the King of Pruffig's Campaigns, arievy and 
authentic booky lately'pub^bed dt Berlin^ 

1. rTT^HERE is an anecdote concerning theKm^ (of Pruflia) 
X while at Glatz (in the year ^742^,) which I cannot 
pals over in filence. Having certain information, that the 
Countefs of Grunn, who was married, to ^ Lieutenant^Colone! 
of the garrif<m, had vowed a fine fuic of cloaths to the Ma* 
dona of the Jefuits, in cafe the blockade of the town was 
foon raifed, he bought as many yards of the fineft ftaff that 
could be found) as were neeeflkry to make a large robe 
for the Virgin, and fent a meflage to the Gentlemen of the 
Society, acquainting them. That beulg infwmed of the fruitlefs 
vow the Countefs had made,iand knowing his men better 
than iiie, he did not intend that 6ur Lady Ihould be a Icrfer, 
and therefcMre offered her in reality what Madam de Gnmn ' 
had promifed her in vain. The Jefuits were charmed, and 
came, in great feroiality, to return his Majefty thanks; fiat* 
tering themfelves, perhaps, that this^Mis a ftep towards his 
becoming their profelyte. •• • 

2. The 



/ 



'A COLLECTTON or ESSAYS, &€. ^ 

":2. Tiie Hsanzidks, or VaU^hians, are peafaats, wko inhabit 
the iiBOBntahious border between Hungary and Moravia^ 
they are very ihtfolute, and live by plunder, even in time of 
the profotiiideft peace. Thfiy come down at ttmes to rava^ 
the Hat country, where they take a particular pleaiiire m 
ranfacking the' country Clergymen, and, after having extor- 
ted from 1 diem foms m proportion to their abilities ^ they 
make them iky mafs j^r^///, and then recommend to the3^ 
poor Priefts good dscqiomy, thsu: they niay be in a condition 
to pay tfc fymsf ccHDbributton i»:]^t year. In their rejoicings 
and dances, wl^ch are very much of the grotefque kind, 
they fing a ballad, the bux^ien of which imports. That if 

* l^ey ]sn^ their children would not be a^ great robbers as 
their fathers, they would nnring their necks about sa foonas 
they we<»e bwn. • ... 
g. Aswe are toftiy to^day-aiPohrlitz^ I have tuncto infertin 

' my ktter a very div^tiiig adventure, which I dOubt not will give 
fm fome amujfement. Cdbnel Fouqu^ec, having entered Crem* 
^t« with fix companies of grenadiers, had plaited a &ntry on the 
wall, nestf the houfe of a Pricft^ or Curate. The good man, 
finding himfdf much difturbed by the frequent repetition of, 
^ii va laF that is, WSo goes there? which the fentry pro- 
nounced with a lottd voice, every quarter of an hour, refolved 
tof make the foldiers weary of diis poft, and to this view 
ocMfttfived to ma& hhnfelf l^e a devil; accordingly horns, 
claws, the fcrpent*$ tail, cloven feet, and the fork, were 
got ready, ^d our Prieft, having equipped himfelf to his 
own fatisfe<aion, and like a iseal devil, began to aft his 
part j by advancing tdwards the fentinel, and, at every 
flep, icratching the wall with the fork. The grenadier 
b^n to feel fbme tremors, but did not leave has poft. 
He ft<^pied ihort, till the devil' coming too near, and pre^ 
ftating the three points of his fork, cried out with a 
hoarfe voice, Thou fhalt die by my hand; then the foldicE 
got the better of his fears, and bdldly cocked his mufket. 
The fpe<are heard the click of Ais fatal inftrument, and of 
aCudden lofing all ccmfidence in his fork and the whole of his 
af^iaratus, recoiled, and wanted to i^ve his iionour by a 
flmv retreat. ^ The grenadier, on the contrary, having once 
noide firee wfth this imaginary devil> fdHowed him clofe, 
and ifew liim enter the houfe of the Curate, by a Kttle back- 
door. Upon "diis he called to his afli(Wce fome of his 
compsmions, who were not a great way off; and they corn-r- 
ing readily to his relief, the door was /i^ickly forced opai» 
and Belzebq[b feized with all his infernal habilimaits, before 
fe 2 he 



4 THE POLITH MISCELLANY:, oji, 

he had time to put them ^/ As f6on as he \viks taken, h^ 
trais condu£led to the neaixft poft, whence he was next day 
convigyed to the main-gt^aTxi, and flogged like a poor 
devil, in the fight of the whoie tokvii, . The Clergy made a 
great noife about this a&ir; but the Cblojiel giving them 
to undcrfland, that the worthlpfs Leyite had, by this impu- 
dent mafquerade, infnltcd the* garrifon, and f confequentiyl 
all the King's troops, matters -were made up in fuch a man- 
ner, that the poor Curate; was^flnit -up in a Gonvientto do 
penance, and the Clergy paid -.a fine of ninety ducats, of 
which each company had fifteen, to purchafe tkem black 
f|3atterda{hes. Every body thought this adventute very divert- 
ing, and the foidiers faid to one another. That the devil, 
had taken pains to provide them v^ith fpatterdafhes. ... 

4. Chroudim, the capital of the circle of the. fame name, is 
ii viilaee of a moderate fize, ill built and not well fituated, 
though it ftandS" on a fpot of ground very beautiful ai^d 
fruitful.' The "little river: of Chroudimka wafhes the foot 
of it's walls; and there is nothing elfe remarkable about 
it, but a very handfome church, where they worfhip a 
miraculous image of our Lori>. This image is a head 
admirably well painted by Lucas Kranach. It's miracles 
began in the time of the thirty years . >^ar.' Some Swediih ; 
foidiers having carried it away from Chroudim, and not- 
agreeing among themfelves who fliould have it, refolvcd*" 
to play at dice for it ; fortune was \ fo irrefolute, that after ^ 
playing feveral hours none of them could win it ; . therefore, 
in a great rage, they refolved to cut it in pieces ; but at the 
firft cut given it with the knife the pidlurc bled. This! 
infpired them with fuch terror that they ran away and 'left 
it, and it was aftervrards reftored to its own cjiurch, whei!e 
it is to be feen with its. bloody. wouncjs in the face, and 
a multitude of offerings, which thofe who have bew 
benefited by its miracles have brought from all quarters. , . . 

^. The Convent of Sedcletz, liclonging to the Ciftercian 
Order, which ftands a flibrt quarter of a mile from Kout- 
tenberg, is /worth feeing. There is in; it a chapel of mo- 
dei-ate fire, the infide and ornaments whereof are made: 
wholly of the heads and bones of the dead; but .with adw- 
rable order and dexterity: The Monks tell you. That all 
thofe whbfe melancholy remains compofe the infide of. 
this chapel were Saints; that the earth on which the, 
Convent ftands is holy ground, which never deftroys 
entirely the bodies of the blefTed, but only confumes the flefh, 
and whitens the bones; whilft the bodies of the profane and 

' . - damned 



^r GOi,LECTION Of ESSAYS, te. | 

4Bamed ^ro(, ^uod- are entirely reduced^ to duft Jn h& tduun 
ti?^«aty-fiiur hdiirs. T<3> this purpofe they tdji yQa»,T]iat a 
l^reakcher of a differeixi: Order, having, in aietinonhjB.delit 

' :vered> there, exprelTed fome doubts, though very mcKkftiy, ooot 
4Mam9%: the happinefs of fuch a number of people, die^holc . 
chape) began to (hake, and the bones to leave dieir. piaces, 
a^parendy in order to knock the ,unbelieviiu^^.£reacher oa 
the head ; who, feeing himfelf in imminent <hu\gei^ quickly 
-made a folemn recantation c^ his irreligious opinions, and by 
^t ineaas prevented the outrage of thofe vinviiftive bones. 
I give you this ftory for a fable, as it is ; the only truth in 
it is, that the work is ver^ .curious, and put together with 

>great ingenuity. , " 

"' r % ' To the Printer. On Fajhtons. 

■ - I'vi Vrl^f R, '- — - •- * 

I ^^^UR t^4s d^j^aved: we are no longer ^.nation of phi- 

'.'*' V' \J. lofophers. Faihions are as v^iable as the iim. |a.;thc 

> ':., ! \yeail 17 $4 and 1755> our co^ts-were to reach no &njie)^ than 

:^: ithc middle of the thigh ; our hats vvere not above three inches 

.-l-x-^'i^i^ the brim; ihoes that buckled to the toe; and,^ ^4/./iy<v/ 

• i \:j^fJhioth behold a wig. that was a prepopderqusjrobkls neft, 

/• >^r4^?^^ and coaxed behind up to the^ top qfthefe Petit Cha- 

■ V f^^'-^I^Wis. In the year 1756 and 1757, pMh. luay^.fot :^ fijueet 

t'i^^f^^i^^^^^^^^* ^^h fi^ feet high, with his coat down to 

.\ V ^the ancle* his hat. a fuperlatiye KevhenhuUer, a^d his fhocs 

\j. - .,j3iat Wsere farfaitemtntypantoufles a Paris, But (1763 ) nonu^ 

I* .;" .'ij^j 3MDr> Printer^ here comes pfetty Mafter Tape-and-Thread, 

* f|ft>itii'ibheapfide ; his coat fleeve very neatly dragooned— ftioes 

, ^ t* ^re kjd afidcr— ^/iw/^ his half boot siin their (lead, Mr, Printer;? 

^%. 'Ihi^ hkir is' greafed , and floured, till it becomes, with the 

if v^elp of .a littlje bi^ackilh perfpiration, a perfed pudding : O 

- '' J^i and when my'iittle7Vi^J?tf/r</-A^x gives him her company. 

: ], ..fc>. tfee White Conduit on Sunday, to drink tea and eat hot- 

' ':^ -'^^ 

y v^.JW|)iat leads, me. to the above reflections is the abfurdity of. 

■^ ]the pfrfent .fa(hions : we have gone jfrom this tgjle to that: 

k«»y?<?; and from that tajie to this tafle ag^uu. I vrould pro^ 

^\'\ the faihions to be^ made . ufe pf in turn, then we (hould . 

s^er be at^^a lofs. Aljout a month ago. I bought me a new 

ey^nhuUer ; but forfooth, ^j^i^im no longer in tafte, for. 

i&ice the laft. importation; of JPrench Shavers, hats are now in 

!tjie pther extreme. ^ I t^ j^u how it comes about. They,- 

•thQ .^r^nch, at firft get, large hats; they wear them for a 

r i|»ace, th^ take thcna a, deck lower; and' i^^ froim jd^Bk to 

V * >c(eek,: 




'3. 



1^ THE POLin^f -MtfiCfiLtANY: o?*, 

6»^, thcy^^apcat lall i*€€W<Jed, when Monfiaurxro^s to^ng-f . - 

laud, txj' a jockejr cap. And muft I make a monkey VifT | 

myieifs^ No^v— — • — - I glory in being bom a Briton -^ I i j' 
iov« my Kin^> ^c. but I hate French Faihions, French Goofea, • f ; 
F«hdi Hair Dre/Fers, &c. &c. and ib I hope, (m ih^f^/ 
language of Mr. Hebcr ) mfy great, great, great gmndchiU ' :|;{ 
dren will.-*— -Thw* ladies mult excuife me, but I iatctdt^*; .jl 
^ake them in tBTH. I am, Mr. Printer, : '^•' 1 1 i 

Your very hnmyie fervant, ? ^f 

FUNNfftUSi^":;^ 

T^ ike Pki»T«R O/i a Pariy ef Pleafnrt, >H^ i'. /• 

SIR, ^-/v. --i^^'y ■"^' 

IW I L L venture to affirm,^ that there cannot be a gt^^at;^^. .i -^ 
mifnomer, than in what is commonly called, A Pa/-//- ^p/* .cJ '-^ 
Pleafure : So many difappointments happen, fo many untQwardjL,v; 
eircun\ftances frequently occur, that a party <^//tf<^r^,:js;i»j;;. 
fed, a furty of mifery and nexaiien. Have you not'^jBj^l' 
known a nioft agreeable party, that propofed totherfljffl¥isi.5!|,^:;3 
•va^ fa^6fadion in going to Vauxhall, entirely difconc€rt)d^'t>y^j-'r**''* 
an -upiftxpeited fhower, or a cold night? Another jyarty " 
been out of humotir th« whole time at a' play * bfeciuife 
eould g€!r9i0 othef thaii t^e back ieats in ^t gallei^i- «N ^ _ 
often hap|)*ns, that one of l\it party (hall damp th^ joy>#li|!r^> 
diftttr^ the comfort of the ^eft, by an ill-timed fbi* ^Sii>%i/A^ly 
#r head-ach, or not being able to walk, ^ not abfe t^Vride-^l. ,^/.v- 
ln (hort, according to Dryden, \^.*^^'''/^^J^^' 
Seme hkter hnbbki np^ tmi poifons all th4 dr6Higl}U*'^ji^':^J^ -L. * .^ 
I am j«ft retiH-ned'fipCMii a tour in thet:ouna?y upon'^ile[ wl y| * j '^ 
tiiele parties c^ pleafure; but I confefe, that I nevei^^ii^enl^^^.;;^^ 
tibree weeks together mcJfe mi^rabfy/ There wete fol^*bf )&i*:< ^^ ^ 
in alj—— tu'o ladies in a poft-ehaife, widi a gentleman Jtt^.myH j,*-l/f 
ftlfj who rode ^n harfeback. There were great 4ifpuce* u^^f ^V; 
among us, before our ftttiiig out, concei^^fBg what n^itei it J 4;^1 
were beft to aftake^. The ladies, who are acctt^med to"c^ f^.^^^^ 
anything Pleafuriy provided they itave a jaunt, yifttp\^\^i^^(X/jc 
ren^ to what point of the compafe we turned our ^i^^ji^ fei^ i>J»%;" 
they wilhed us to go to fotnd ©f the puWic watering- pfcc^^^ "** 
wMch have lately come into fo much vogue. Brilbol, T^i 
bridge, Scarborough, iRrightelft^oaej Harrowgate, &c. ^if^ 
all cried up in their turns : My frieiid wanted us to g<):;i*i:ifft 
ward, for no other reafcm, than becaufc (he fssud) the- inns! 
were very gdod upon the wefter» road. However, I unifett%i>. _ 
nately happened to mention the wonders of the Peak, andit|;*:^'- 
was>J^ently agreed, that we ihoul^-niafce the tour of Derby-^ . . 
i^iipcr on purpole to fee them. We: ^ 



, We acct^dmgiy iet out, the chai^- U>ad6d witb bat-oaies, 
^4 bimdles innumerable, belonging to the ladies. I uiailoot^ 
trouble you witb every incident that b^fel us ia our jounjey ; 
as how we were wet through and through; as tow I got a^ 
fall frpm my horfe ; as how the chaife was in continual daav 
ger, as the ladies apprehended, of being overturned; as ho^ 
F* went from the Bear to the Red Lion, from the Red Lion to^ 
the Black Swan, and fo on ; as how, isx Ihort, we breakfeftcd^ 
dined, fupped, went to bed, and got up again. 

We had not bQcn out foio: days, but it plainly aj^eared that; 
the company were tired of each other. The ladies were under 
terrible apprehepfions about damp fheets and unaired beds y we 
curfed the provifion, and damned the liquor ; all of us yawned . 
in our turns, ^t filent, complained of fatigue, or of the wea^ 
thcr ; and our horfes themfeWes could not be more unwilr 
fog to proceed on the jpimiey than we were. 

One principal objedl of thefe jaunts of pleafure is to fee. 
;%ht9, with no other, intention than that the travellers might 
be able to fay^ That.thsy have feen them. How many Lou* 
don<^rs have ^ made a party to go to Oxford ^or Cambridge^ 
and copfie Away with no greater idea of the colleges and pub;^ 
He buildings; than they hav^i of the Gharter-houfe or the com-^ 
panies halfo! How marky fober tradefmen have left their fliop* 
and compting'^houfes in the fumm^, while bufineis^^as {kck| 
aod dragged their wives and eldell daughters with tiiem, tq - 
isa the houfe and gardens at Stowe, tho' they, can hav^ n(f 
higher reliih for their beauties than they have for their viUa'iij 
about Glaph^m smd Cam,berwell, or the White Conduit Houfe ( 
You may be fure^ Sir^ that \vc did not negle<a; the material 
part oC our fcheme :. We went to all the remarkable feattf ix^ 
our vmft, not becaiife ^e w^ted to fee them, but becaufe we 
had h^rd , them talked of. This was more fatiguing to us 
than^ ^y other part o£ our journey. Sometimes we were 
burHtsd from apartdaent to apartnaent> without having leifure 
#> iladfelatiofi to examine dth^ the building or the fhmiture.^ 
W© ftared at fine piftures, tho«gh we did not kaow the differ 
tmtt between a Rmbens and a fign-painter. We admired 
th« architli^itirei tho' we c9uld not tell bat it might be as 
hesffff and difproportioBed as the Manfion^houie. At other 
tkioes wc V93^ fweltef^d in ;the fuA, or blown through with 
It mrdif«ail i1midi while w^ traTes^d fluubberies and ierpen.- 
tbe waUcfe;^ acid temples, and amaJLs, with as much fpeed as 
tf 'We iwtve rwalking for a wager. Yet the ladies, Sir, never 
ditod <rf;feyiag indtfriAywnately of every thi^g they iaw, or 
rather fhould have feeu,— — Thit indeed it was vaftly prettj. ; 

/' ■• ■ ..■■.,.»■, ' ■ We 



%<:^^- 



r 



8 THE POLITE! MfSCELLANY: or, 

* We at lift came to the famous Wilds of DerbyfKire, which 
is called' the Peak. Not to dwell upon too many particulate 

——You may have read. Sir, perhaps you may have 

printed an account of that part of it, which is diftinguilhed 
By too coarfe an appellation for me to mention. If fo, you 
know full as much, or more of it, I affure you, than we da 

1 who, after having travelled above four hundred miles to 

and fro on^iirpofe to fee it, came back juft as wife as we went. 
The Ladies were too narvous to venture any further than the 
entrance of the cavern; and the Gentlemen, you know, were 
in good manners bound not to leave them. THey were feize J 
with the fame horrors at Poole's-holc, which is a cave of the 
fame, nature: But I muft do them the juftice to acknowledge, 
that they were charmed with the grand cafcade at the Duke 
of Devonfhife's houfe at Chatfworth, and declared it to be - 
infinitely fuperior to thofe tin ones at Vauxhall, or either of 
the Play-houfes. 

* Thus have I iquandered my time and my money, without 
reaping the leaft fatisfadion in return. And now I have men- 
tioned the cxpence, give me leave to obferve to you, that I 
do not mean only what it: coft me in ducks, chickens, &c. at 
the inn, in txumpikes, in fees to the chambermaid, oftler, and 
boots, or in fees for free ingrefs and egrefs at gentlemen's 
houfes, parks, and gardens ; which latter, no tmveller ought 
to grudge, as it is frequently the cafe, that the fervants have 
ho other allowance, and fometimes the owner himfelf has a 
fhare in the perquifites ; as fome ladies, who keep routs, go 
{hacks in the card-money. In my late tour, it coft me no 
inconfiderable fum, becaufe we happened to go thro' Buck- 
inghanilhire, when the ladies fell in love with fome very fine 
lace, for which that coimtry is famom: This we men under4 
ftood as an hint for us to make each of them a prcfent of 
ruffles, handkerchief, and lappets. At Derby they were put 
in mind, that no fuch filk ftockings could be had any where 
as here ; confequently we could do no lefs than defirc theif^ 
acceptance of half a dozen pair each. They wanted fadly to 
make Mahchefter in their way; but I objeded to it as a place 
not worth feeing, becaufe I fecretly knew that all ladies of tafte 
are prodigiouily fond of the Gtnghamsy manufiEidttred there, 
which make the prettieft negligees for tlw fummer mia^able. 

* I fhall conclude, Sir, with telling you, that if I ever travel 
again upon a party of pleafure, it fhall be alone, like an out- 
rider, with no other incumbrance than my bags fwungacrois 
the horfe's back, and my gtcat coat ftiipt upon the faddk 
bc&re me. I am, your humble Servant, 

HUMPHRY GADABOUT. 



" To the Printer, &c, 

TSe folloviing ExtraO from a petition cf the Proteftantf of 
Languedoc to the. King ofFran^e^ latefy puhlifh'edy is fo replete 
nuiihgenuine^ undipmhled piety ^ heroic Chrifiidin fortitude^ 
and unjhaken loyalty ^ that it *willy I dare fay^le accettahlt 
to your readers. Would to GOD nue ivere as zealius in the 
prddice of a pure religion here in England y as thefe poot 
opprejfed Proteftants are in fran^. 

SIRE, 

THE Proteftants, of your Province of Languedoc throw 
themfelves at ijp-our Majefty's feet, imploring your cle- 
mency. Their confidence in the paternal heart of their helo^ 
ved King, is what alone can fupport them amidft the terrors 
which furround them, and the painful emotions; under whi<;h 
they labour. 

Thefe imfortimate people, sire, lived in the moft eafy 
ftcurity under the umbrage of a Toleration, which the pru- 
dence of the age, the intereft of the ftate, and chiefly the equity 
and humanity of their Sovereign, feemed to cement and 
ftrengthen for a lafting duration. In the fweet hope that 
JiencefcHTth every one might >fiifely reft under his vine and his 
fig-tree^ they all, with one voice, blefTed your auguft reign j 
with joyfid alacrity they indulged that propenfity which ties 
them to their native land; a propenfity natural to all, but 
particularly inviting to your fubje(Efcs ; in their hands, trade 
and agriculoire floiuifhed ; they peopled, they cultivated, 
they enriched the parts which they inhabit. 

By an unejq)e<aed ftroke, thb happy tranquillity is dif- 
torbed ; terror and defolation overfpread the Province. The 
liufband terrified, holds in his arms his trembling ipoufe, 
fearing that he may be forced himfelf to diflblve thofe ties 
whidi nature, love, and religion, had confecrated. The ago- 
nizing motha: hides in her bofoto her fucking infant ; every mo- 
floeat (he fhudders with dread, left that dear part of herfelf 
fhonld be torn from her. Our dwellings are filled with the 
&ibi of afflidion, and the cries of defpair. 

Such, siRi^, have been the immediate e£Feds of the orders 
fignified to many of the principal inhabitants of your city 
of Nifines. It is enjoined, tiat their marriages and the bap- 
tifm of their children be peifonncd m the Roman church; 
that is, they muft renounjcp jiiat religion which they hold 
^ alone to be true ; th^ priefts refufing to do their office, unlefs 
•bey who apply to them, after having for Xome time fre- 

yOL. I. G quented 



r 



x8 THE POLl^TE MfWELLANY-: .ot, 

quented the offices of the <^thoHc rtfigiox^ abjure that whiclr 
they profcfs. 

This, SIRE, is not an affair of a few private perfons: 
Above twelve thoufand families only within the diocefe of 
Nifmes; above fourteen thoufand of the Province of Laneuedoc^ 
it is a whole people which claims your juftice, and the right 
it has to your Majefty's compaflionate heart. 

If attachment to a religion, in which we are bom, which 
we have fucked in with our firft food, for which, at the firft 
ufe of reafon, we conceived a love, to which after examining it 
in our riper years, we have devoted ourfelves; if fuch- aji 
attachment, be a crime, all the Proteftants of your Majefty*s 
kingdom are guilty of it. But, si^re, what foul is fo void of 
humanity, to pronounce a fentence, againft which equity, 
nature, and reafon, would with one voice revolt ? Even were 
our faith grounded only on prejudices, wo\dd it be confiftent 
with charity, to call in violence for the removal of them ? No, 
SIRE, violence indead of enlightening, hardens and irritates; 
and this method, fo foreign from the end propofed, is (tiU 
more contrary to your Majefty's benevolent difpofitton. 

The laws of the kingdom are appealed to againft ^he mar- 
riage of the Proteftants; but sire, thefe laws were made in 
unhappy times, when it was hitd down as a principle, that 
there were no Proteftants in France ; can an affertion fo illufory, 
and fo loudly contradi6led in the face of the whole univerfe, 
be maintained 'in our times; si as, there are Proteftants in 
your kingdom; there are numbers; by them agriculture is 
improved, manufadures are fupported, and trade extended ; 
they make a confiderable body at the bar, they man your fhip- 
pmg, and in your armies they fwarm. That wretched gene- 
ration, known in the Ordinances by the name of new Comertr, 
is palfed away j another fills its place, and which, execratinj^ 
the^ diflSmulation of the former, makes an open profeffion of 
faith, under a government the Charaderiftic of which is equity 
and moderation. Can laws, with any juftipe be applied to 
this generation, which were not made for it ? 'And laws, which 
long difufe feems to have antiquated. 

And coidd thefe laws be of any force againft the Protef- 
tants, to revive theijft, we dare aver it, wonld 111 become the 
Roman Clergy. In realityi sire, how can the Minifters 
of the Sanctuary, form or countenance fuch a pr<yeft, as to 
drag to the Altars, and compulftvely initiate in their facred 
myfteries, a people openly profefling a faith irreconcileably 
oppofite to thofe myfteries? Should they not rather be the 
fii»ft to addreis the Sovereign for a new law to prevent fuch 

profa- 



i 



profatiati(ms ^ This were a juft and neceffiury Uw \ fuck ^ law, 
good order, decency, and the fiiiftty of your fubje£ts require ; 
and ikch a law. we confidently txfie6t &om your Majefty's 
paternal goodnefs. ^ 

What IS rinMed on relatively to the baptafin of our children^ 
gives us no lefs pain than what is impofed on us in cfur mar- 
Tiages : how can we bdng oitrfelves to fee our childi^en termed 
baftards In the public regifters ^ Xnd the paiifh Priefls vnll 
not allow them legitimacy, unle& by a criminal diffimulation 
we have purchs^d the nuptial benedi^on of fome Ecclefiaftick. 
This is the method which they have tak^en in the govenunent 
of Guyene, with regard to thofe unhappy children, whom, very 
recently, military execudon has put into their hands: It is 
that which they fe:i<aiy adt up to in all the provinces. 

Though the law, sire, doesnpt give up to the- caprice of 
the PrieSs the condition , o{ the children pr^bnted to them for 
baptifm ; though the fate of your people docs not depend on 
the appellations givisn them in this rdi^ous c^c^mony, and 
the Priefts can neither confer nor take away legitimacy,; yet, 
SIRE, th6 father's filenceat fuch a j\u3kdhilt woSd feeni to im- 
ply odious confent, and this filence the Proteftants could not 
break without occafioning clamours, by which the publick 
traiiquillity might be affe^ed. 

But did huthaii confiderations allow us to apply to the 
Priefts for the baptifm of our children^ religion, and con- 
fcience, which fhotild preponderate againft all temporal regards^ 
would prefcribe to us a law dire^y oppofite. 

In effe^, sire, not to mention the ceremonies, of the "Roman 
ritual, which clafh mtk our belief, a father iending his child 
^o the parifh Prieft, devotes him to .a church from which her 
has believed himfelf bound in confci^nce to feparate; thf god- 
father and godmother of the child formally engage to bring 
him up in that church; they promife in the name of the child 
himfelf, that he (hall live and die in a vr:elig^n contrary to 
that which they prpfefs, and which, at the &me time, it is 
their intention carefully to inftil into him. Would not thjs, 
SIRE, be adding perjury to prpfanenefs? Would it not be 
filU^ up the meafUre of guilt with fraud, in^ety, and the 
abufe of every thing facred among mankind? Permit us, sire, 
to lay before your Majefty's eyes a ftriking contradidHon, and 
which ftrongly fhevrs the tempers and difpofitions of thofe 
who p^ecute us. They call <m your Rcrpl Authority to 
Compel ns^ to Sacraments againft our confcicnce, and at the 
^Ttie^ time the^ourt& of Juftice ring with the complamts of 

C 2 another 



jILC TH€ PaLITE MIW3KLLAMY: *»y 

anodier part of your fubje^y ta^kom, o^ the fSghteft fofyu^ 
cions, th^ fam^ Miat^rs, Uiov^h eame^y intreftted, refufe the 
SacramcQts. Can oCluiftkl&ttf : fugged fuch a contrauHdticm ? 
Is not the fource of it rather finifler and maligmmt policy ? 
And are not th^ Proteftants excufable, if, in the bittemefs 
of their heart, they diifcover in it only a de(%n of driving diem 
into a hiwlefs defpair, that your Majefty may be obliged to 
punifh them with juftice. If this, siri, is th^ fiinguinary 
icheme, be it known to them that all their derices and eflPorts 
will ever fail. Obedience, fabmiflion, loyalty to our auguft 
Sovereign, are duties to which we are continually prompted by ' 
nature, gratitude, and aflfe^on, and by our religion ; rather 
will we remove from our dear native country, rather will we 
forfake thefe happy climates, our lands, our manufa6hires, our 
commerce ; we will rather embrace a voluntary exile, and add 
to the numbers of our difperfed bretluren ; or if there remain 
any dcfert lands at the extremity of Europe, thither will we 
go, and feek a refege both againll the violences of our perie* 
cutors, and againft the temptations of that defpair into which 
tihey are cndeatopring to throw us. 

T^e Squirrels ^Hagley (a feat of Lord Littleton's) /« 
Mifs Warbutton's Squirrel. 

CAPTIVE brother break thy chain. 
Thy native liberty regain: 
Come and join with us to rove 
0*er every branch of every grove ; 
0*er the deep embow'ring vaJes, 
Farni'd by zephyr's wanton gales; 
O'er the hills and o'er the plains 
Of Hagley-Park, where nature reigns. 
No tyrant here our right invades, 
f ^ree tenants of thefe happy fhades; 

Carelefs we leap from fjpray to fpray. 
And fport in all the bloom of May. 
« Captive brother, break thy cham, 
Tiy native liberty regain. 

• T H E A N S W E R., 

Tji yTY fevage friends, ye little know 
JLVX What blifs ye tempt me to forego! 
No fdrce I need, no galling chaos. 
Fair Sukey's captive to remain ; 

Her 



% 



A COLLECTION OF ESSAYS^ Ikc; 21 

Her breath is fwe^ter than the gales 
That .waft perfumes o'er Haglcy's vales; 
The ftraiteft plant that rifts there^ 
Cannot with her fhape comjKure; 
Nor ever did the hand ef May, 
O'er leaf or flowV fuch colours lay. 
As paint, with nature's lovelieft grace, 
The blooming beauties of her face. 
Fed by her gifts I {com to tafte 
The Sylvan nut-tree's coarfe repaft. 
With eager joy, at her ccMnmand, 
i run to fit upon her hand; 
Or wander o'er the valley fweet. 
That juft jMrevents her breafls to meet. 
Nor think that I alone am broke 
To bend beneath her gentle yoke. 
Behold proud Hagley's youthfiil heir, 
Who lov'd to range fhwn fair to fair; 
And wild as fquirrel in the wood. 
Thought liberty the higheft good; 
Now tame, like me at Sukey's fide, 
A willing flave for ever 'ty*d 

To Mr, W H I T w o R T ft. 

/ am glad to hear you are for printing a Magazine, as I 
doubt not your endeavouring to make it fuhfervient to the 
promoting the virtue and happinefs of your readers. There 
is nofuhje£l more neceffary to he miell underjiood than matrix 
monyy in order that it fhould he had in due ejiimation^ 
nvhichy I amforry to fay ^ it is not. The many oldhatchelorsy 
and old maids are too evident proofs of the truth of this. I 
luould therefore recommend to you a little hooky nuhich is 
calculated t^ be as ufeful as it is elegant ^ called^ Reflec- 
tions on Courtfhip and Matrimony. Many^ luho if I can 
judge^ are remarkahle for good fenfe^ and their Icve of 
mankinds ^ifh you nuould nonv and then print a part of it 
till you have gone thro* the whole, 

I imt ^c. A. B. 

Th^ following extra^ from an advertifement prefixed to the 
abovementioned book nviJl, Ihope,pleafeyourfenfible readers. 

YJ^HOEV'ER has obferved the declining days of old 

batchelors in general, may. lee their unconne^ed, unre- 

iative date in fociety; tottering to their graves in a gloomy 

folitude. 






i- 



2T THE POLITE MISCELLANY: or, 

iblitude, or at beft only attended by a few sapaciotis vultures. 
^ho impatiently wait for their prey. No tender afFeflionate 
companion, of fimiliar mind and manners, whofe conftant 
iiinftiine of love warmed the fpring and fummer of his days, 
and now, with fm unalterable friendftiip and felloV-fceling, 
accompanies him arm in arm through the dreary wilds of his 
winter, with the guard of a fon or fons, whofe filial pity and 
manly vigour is ever ready to prote<5t him from the infolcncc 
of others, or to defend him from thofe calamities to which our 
feeble age expofes us ; furrourided with a prattling offspring, 
fondly careffing their hoary grandfire, and blooming a prof- 
pe<5l: of future honour and virtue. What exquifite fenfations 
this patriarchal breaft muft feel ? What heavenly raptures his 
foul muft glow with? Matrimony may, upon our Author's 
plan, acquaint ui with them.™ — But thefe divine fupports 
are as little to be expeifled by an old batchelor, as in our power 
to defcribe. 

Our Author '« Refle6i:ions may likewiie convince the fair fex, 
that though fortune may buy them a mercenary tyrant ; 
though beauty may tempt the feducer, or attraft fome fop or 
coxcomb ; yet good fenfe and real merit only will touch the 
heart of, and maintain their influence over, men of true worth 
and knowledge: That charms of judgment, difcretion, and 
good temper, are the only lafting foundations upon which 
matrimonial felicity can be built: That the cultivation of 
their minds is abfolutely necefTary to the promoting of theit^ 
happinefs : That love will foon ftarve without friendftiip : And 
finally. That as the ftandard of human felicity in general is 
the ^radtice of Wifdom and Virtue, fo it is alfo of the conjugal 
onion in particular. 

REFLECTIONS on COURTSHIP ^;zrf MARRIAGE. 

YOU tell me, the difpute which was carried on in our corh- 
pany the other day, has rather made you a fceptic to 
both, than a convert to either fide of the queftion ; and you 
defire my deliberate fentimepts on the fubjeft of that after- 
noon's argument. 

You have an unqueflionable right to afk me : I wifti my 
anfwer may prove fatisfa^lory. 

Marriage, you know, was the topic of our converfation^ 
and the fubjed of our difpute. We were all batchelors : And 
each declared he had no fchemes of that kind on lus hands« 
aaad was therefore fo far unbiaffed. 

, • Y0U 



i 



A COLLECTION OF ESSAYS &c. 2% 

You may remember many fprightly thing;^ werje iaid ag^infl- 
that fcene of life; fome very plaufible ones. 

It was alledged^ on the one hand, That tl^ education of 
women, in general, muft naturally give them a ftrong bias 
to diifembling and afFe<5tation ; the turn of thinking which for 
the mod part they early imbibe ; the too much attODtion and 
artifice they are taught to beftow on their perfons; the tri- 
fling, and often ill-judged accomplifhmcnts, by which their 
ambition is excited, and in which, for the moft part, they {9 
ftudioufly endeavour to excel. 

By this method of management they are polilhed to a fur 
perficial luftre, dazzle our fight, and work up our paflions. 
But, for that end, the fubftantial culture of their minds, is. 
grofly neglected; true good fenfe, and foimd judgment, tlie 
incftimable pcrfe^ons of a generous^ an open, fmd a noble 
mind, are but little confidered in their educations. 

Hereby are they quite unfitted i(X the delicate pleafures 
of a rational efteem, and the Godlike joys of a manly friend- 
fliip. 

^k)t having therefore the reqmfite fund of fubftantial worth 
to raife the, thought, and touch the heart; to be an agreea- 
ble companion, and a ileady fiiend; and only (biking the 
iprings of paflion and appetite; when thefe are deadened, 
as they naturally will be by pofleffion, the joys of wedlock 
grow dull ^ and infipid, ficken, and die away; leaving us in 
their room a vain and capricious, an empty and infignifi- 
cant companion, with perhaps a hclplefs infant or two, to 
increafe our care and vexation. 

Is there, was it afked, any thing fo engaging, fo eligible 
in this focial fcheme of life, as to induce a man of fenfe and 
judgment to embrace it; to quit for it, the free, the eafy, 
and independent pleafure^^of a fingle life; where, cool and 
unmolefted, he exalts and "improves his underftanding in the 
trcafures of antient and modem learning; unfhackled from 
the cares of a family; unclogged by that perplexing chain, 
a petulant, or a weak, or a fantaftic wife, relaxes himfelf with 
the agreeable converfation of polite, chearful, and witty com- 
panions ! 

Is there, was it added, any oomparifon between the two 
fcenes of life? 

It was obferved by the advocates on this fide of the quef- 
tion, that a debauched, difTolute life, was not pleaded f6r; 
but that there was a juftifiable- mean betwixt both extremes, 
moife choice- worthy than either, and which a man of pru- 
dence and difcrefion might hit upon. 

Mad 






1 



24 THE POLITE MISCELLANY: eii. 

And here, you may remem^ber, a gentleman in company 
ipoke to tte foUotving purpofe. 

'* The defcription which has been given of the education 
of our modem young ladies, and its malignant influence, is, 
I mufl confeis, but too jufl, and too general. And thou^ 
many pidures of this kind, often difcover too much coarfe* 
uefs in their colouring ; yet I think this has been touched as 
becomes the hand of a gentleman, and one that defures to 
reafon, not inveigh. 

The inferences which throw themfelves on us by the quef- 
tions afked, have great plaufibllity ; and generally confidered, 
carry with them a weight, near, and almoft equal to con- 
vidtion. 

But gentlemen, I would beg leave to obferve, that though 
the common education of young ladies is chiefly extended no 
farther than to fuper£cial and exterior accomplifhmcnts ; and 
that their behaviour h rather owing to a fort of mechanical 
infiuence, than to fentiments from reafon and judgment; that 
reading and reflection are too much neglected by them, or ill 
regulated ; that their tafte of real worth and merit in men, 
and things is thereby rendered very defective, and fhows 
itfelf to be mighty ridiculous; that their paflions arc rather 
kept under reftraint by the commbn rules of decorum, than 
by any rational convi<5tion of a real beautiful and deformed in 
charaders, independent on who fees, or who knows; that 
they aim more to catc^i the eyes, than penetrate the heart; 
to blow up the paflions, than to fecure the underftandings 
of their admirers; that efteem and friendlhip are more rci- 
mote from their attention, than frothy compliments and fop- 
pifh rant: 

Notwithftanding all this, I conceive, gentlemen, where the 
diipofitions of a young lady are, not of a bad turn by na- 
ture; whatever little weeds ma/ be fprung or ipringing 
up from the unhappy influence of her education, are to be 
cleared; her mind and temper are ftill capable of fuch cul- 
tivation by a flcilful addrefs, as to render her very worthy 
of eft^bm and friendihip, to a man of fenfe, worthy his choice, 
as a companion for life. 

I am perfuaded no one in this company will aflert, women 
are by nature conftituted incapable of friendftiip, q: any 
fbdal charms which our fex poflefTes. Every perfon here is 
better verfed in hiftory and human nature. 

What then fhould obftru<a their Ihining in fo exalted a 
light? *— — Why, education, the trifling and narrow ejctent 
of thinking which that accufloms them to, and other things. 
{^To be continued. "l 



A COLLECTION OF ESSAYS, -&C, ^tf 

VERSES written in Windsor Parjk, 
By G. CHURCHILL. 

WHEN Pope to Sa'tire gave its la^rful way, - 
And made the Nimrods of mankind his prey; 
When, haughty Windsor heard thro' ev'ry Wood 
Their fhame, who durft be great, yet not be goodj 
Who drunk with powV^ and with Ambition blind, 
Slaves to themfelves, and monfters to mankind, 
Sinking the Man to magnify- the Prince; 
Were heretpfore what Stuarts have been fincej 
Could he have look'd into the womb of time^ 
How might his fpirit in prophetic rhyme, 
Infpir*d by Virtue, and for Freedom bold, 
Matters of difFerent import have foretold ! 
How might his Mufe, if any Mufe^s tongue 
Could equal fuch an argument, have fung 
One W11.LIAM who makes all Mankind his care, 
And fhines the Saviour of his country there ; 
One William who to every heart gives lawj 
The Son of George, the Image of Naflau, 

To the Printer/ 

SIR, 

If the underwritten Infcription (by the ingenious dr. Akinfide) 
for a Column at Runnymede, Windfor, be thought deferving^ 
a place iii your Paper, the inlerting it will oblige many 
of jour readeffi, who coincide with the Dolor's lientiments, 

/ and particularly 

Your humble fervant, AMICUS. 

THOU, who the verdant plain doft traverfe here. 
While Thames among his willows from thy view 
Retires ; O ftranger, ftay thee, and the fccne 
Around cohj:emplate well. This is the place 
Where England's ancieLt Barons, clj^d in arms, 
And ftem with conqueft, from their Tyrant King 
(Then rendered tame) did challenge and fecure 
The Charter of thy Freedom^ Pafs not on 
Till thou haft blefs'd their memory, and paid 
Thoffe thanks which God appointed the reward 
Of Public Virtue ; ^nd if chance thy home 
Salute thee with a father's honour'd name, . 
Go call thy fons; inftrudt them what a debt 
Thejr owe their anceftors ; and make 'em {wear 
To pay it, by tranftaitting down intire 
Thpfc fac^ied rights to which thctJofelves wece bom* 
VOL. I. D A 



• 



^18 THE POLITE IvriSCELLANY: ha, 

A PASTORAL SONG. 

To the tUBC of. What Jhepkerd or nymph of the grave t 8cc, 

YE (hepherds, who pitted my pain 
When iatc my fond forrows I told/ 
Who few, with concern, on the plain 

My flocks ftraggling iir from their fold ; 
Attend the feverfe of my care, 

And leam from the echo-taught grove. 
That Laura, gro^^Ti kix^, has been there. 
And Damon is blefs'd in her love. 

The willow-twin'd token df woe, 
< The forrow-fought ribbon of green, 
( Prepar'd as a '^eath for my brow ) 

Behdd at mf feet they are feen : 
Thofe emblems of dying defpair 

No lon^ (thank pity) are miAe ;.— 
Ah ! Colhn, youne ftiepherd, take care, 

I hope they wifl never be thine ! 

Laft eve, when my fair I o'ertook. 

How gay was the blufh-improv'd finilet 
How land was her words by the brook ! 

How foft was her hand at tJie ftHe 1 
O why was old time in inch haf^e ? 

O why did I let her depart ? — 
Her preience yields rapture a feaft. 

Her abfence draws grief from mf heart f 

Hafte, Phcebus, hafte down to the weft. 

Not loiter with Thetis> I pray ; 
But quickly roll round to the eaft, 

And^rife with thy pleafenteft ray: 
Impatient I waat thy return 

To fmile on kind Hymen's xdefign; 
His blefling I claim in the mom. 

For Laura is then to he mine. 



To Xk» Printer, \ 

SIR, . ' \ 

AS I find you paper is open to th^ defcrif^ions of cbotiC'^ 
ters in private as well as public l^fe, give me leave to^ 
prefent you with a portraiture of myfelf, v^ieh (contrary to^ 
my ufual pra^kc) I iball^ 4rav7 faithlully^^ ^Uid in it's tru«| 
«iours^ ' i mui^ 



A-COI/JL?ECTIOM OF ASSAYS, «cci *I9> 

I muft^ eaof^St that I ey<^r jxifiiefled a very mifduevous 
^lifpofition ; • that my great pleafure has ever been to mlilead 
people; and' that l have done more mifchief in the world 
than can poflibly \k defcribed ; yet^ am I univerially carefied • 
by perfons of all ranks, cc»iditioxis> and perfuafkms. 

Were I inclined to boai); of my anceftry, I trace up my 
genealogy even higher than the ions of Adam; for I could 
' bring Scripture to prove, that my grand progenitor wa$ po 
jefs a perfcw than tie tempter of Eve himfelf. 

At my very fir,ft Entrance into life, I gave a proof of my 
natural difpofltton. X fqualkd- Difapprobation at my exift- 
ing, though i could not but be glad at my coming iato the 
worid. i cried, whensoever my nurfe oflSsred me a pap, at 
the fame time that I longed for it; and while I pretoided 
great fondneis, I indulged a fecret fatisfa(ftion in mumbling 
the nipple with my gums. When at fchool I got many a « 
^Xff^g on aocount of my ihufHing, as the mafter uf^ to 
calTit;, and I was reckoned a moil arrant tell-tale by all my 
play-fellows. 

It would be an endleis work for me to enumerate all the 
particulars, in which I have employed thofe little arts, which 
have never failed to recommend me every where. Si^Sce it - 
to fay in general, that I have been carefled from the king / 
down to the beggar; and that I have always been efteemed • / 
among the ladies ^n particular, and conflandy made one * of 
their company in all their routs and a^emblies. 

i have concerned my£slf greatly in religious matters; and 
not only the jRoman Catholic Religion, but the various feds 
among^Proteftants have, been wondermlly fupported and encou- 
raged by my influence. You will think it ftrange,.but I aiTure 
you, that die infidel alib, and even the Athe&, boaftof me 
as their ftrongeft advocate^ 

But the Bar, and Courts of Juftice, are more immediately 
my province. Here I am to be found in my true glory : I 
am fure to be retained on both fides in every caufe ; and if 
it were not for me, a Lawyer would have very little to fay. 

I have be6n of great fervice to the praftitioners of phyfick^ 
as well regular as irregular. The firft of thefe I have fre- 
quently adifted in dravmig up cafes fitted to the writings in 
' tlieory,_though coAxary to the obfervaticms in prance. The 
latter, who go under the ignoniinous denomination of quacks, 
are obliged to me for ftroilhing the contents of their adver- 
^fements ; and many perfens have been perjured in fwearing 
to affidavits in f»ehsaf of thefe dodlors, wMch have beq& dida- 
t;ed eaatkrely by me. 

,D 2 I have 



r 



*20 THE POLITfe MIS6ELIANV: 6 it, 

1 have had a great hand in many works relating •) almoft 
every branch. I have made up the far greater part of mod 
books of voyages and travels, the aiithors of which are known 
to be very intimate with me even to a proverb : I have com- 
piled many volumes of impartial hiftories ; I have furnifhed 
many new fyftems in philofophy, and have carried on many 
a warm controverfy in polemical divinity. As for poetry, my 
talents^ has lain chiefly in panegyric, though I have not fre- 
quently dabbled in fatire. I will not pretend that I ever 
aflifted the Laureat in his fublime odes; but I declare that 
I never dictated a firigle expreffion in any of Mr. — - — -'s 
i:6rnpofitions. 

In Politics, Mr. Printei^, — in Politics — aye, there indeed, I 
fhine. During the prefect political fquabbles, I have been c£ 
infinite fervice to both parties; and in every thing that has 
been publifh^d, it has ^ainly appeared, that I Have had no- 
fmall concern. Nor have I thought it beneatHmt to fupply 
materials even for common News-papers. Maubtert could not 
have eked out his Bruflels Gazette without me ; and you your- 
feif, Mr. Printer, have received from me many wonderful para^ 
graphs. To conclude quite in character — I am, 

Dear Mr. Printer, 

Your mod obliged, and affe<nicmate humble fervant, 

[' LYE, 

T T is often remarked that thene is fcarce ajiy Art more capa* 
• ble of improvement than that of Hufbandry ; therefore the 
Editor, in order to affift in an affair fo very advantageous to 
the Public, has inferted the following hints. 

AS the haireft approaches, and the weather is catching, 
it may not ^e amifs to acquaint all Tiich as are con- 
cerned in wheat lands with the following remarks. 

On the batiks of the Rhine, almoft all over Flanders, and 
of late in France, they mow their Wheat with B,/cythe, in-* 
fteacl of reaping it with 2l fickle y becaufe it is better and 
xnore eafily performed, and at much lefs expence. A good 
reaper in France will cut fix tenths of an Engiifh acre in a 
day; a good mower will cut an Engliili ^re and a half in a 

The reaper leaves ftubble fix or eight irjches high ; the 
niowcr leaves his ftubble but two inches high, by which he 
^ins more ftraw. 

In France, to reap 1 1 2 acres of wheat, Engllifh meafure, 

with 



A COLLECTION OF ESSAYS, 60?. ' *2X 

#ith a fickle, they commonly allow to 10 men 20 days, 
that is, 200 day's to c«ie man. To cut the fame (^^uantity of 
acres of wheat with a fcythe, tliey allow feven mowers and 
feven binders ten days, equal to 140 days of one man, by 
which they fave 60 days work. 

Befides that, the binders have kis wages than the mow- - 
ers and reapers ; for the binders are children of twelve or 
fifteen years of age, old women, and men not able to ftand 
hard work; the mower therefore doe§ three fifths more 
than the reaper. The different poftures of the mower and 
reaper are to be attended to. That of the former is much the 
eafier, and his hands are not fo niuch expofed to diiftles, 
nettles, See, And when Wheat is mowed the com (heds lefs^ 
And as the mov/er can difpatch his bufinefs in fo much lefs 
time, that method is. more peculiarly ferviceable in an uncer" 
tain and catching feafbn. 

It is to be obferved tKe mower of oats has always the 
Handing corn on his right hand, and the corn cut on his 
left ; on the contrary, the mower of Wlieat has the ftanding 
corn always on his left, and the corn cut on his right. 

The mowing Wheat is more particularly ufeful where the 
ground does not lie flat, but is- raifed in ridges or lands, as 
is generally the cuftom in^Northamptonflure, and alfo in rainy 
fedbns, for the ear will not be fd apt to fhoot. The 
ftraw indeed, as being in a greater quantity, is more difficult 
to threfhj but then the additional ftraw Efficiently pays for 
that labour. And after the Wheat is- mowed the grafs fooner 
grows up again, and the ftubble does not prick the noftrils 
of the cattle as it does when it is reaped. 

It is true, the fcythes ufed are of a different form from 
thofe commonly ufed in England. The blade of every one 
of them is fix inches ftiorter than that of the Englifh fcythe. 
The Brabant fcythe refts on the infide of ^he ihoulder ; the 
, Hainault on the lower joint of the arm, and fometimes pn 
the thigh, 'tis the moft like the fickle of any. The French 
is a direft cradle fcythe, only the handle is quite ftraight. 

Now when the crop is cut, it may not be amife to fhew 
how it is flacked to preferve it from the wet, in which fitu- 
ation it may remain in the field fix weeks or two months, 
without any danger from the inclemency of the weather. 
Tftey fet one fheaf upright with the ears uppermoft, and 
round that they place a circle of many other flieaves with 

^ the 



*a2 THE POLITE MISCELLANY: or. 

the ears uppcrmoft, inclining on the firft fheaf ; atid when# 
fo placed they look like the figure of an extinguiftier. 

Then they lay an horizontal circle of fheavcs, with ali 
tlie eirs in the center, and they cover thofe ears in the nwd- 
dle with a loofe fheaf or two. 

Thus placed, they are protefted from all wet, and 
may remain in the field fix weeks or t;wo months as fafe as 
they would be in a barn ; and this method of flacking has 
been adopted in SufTex, Surry, Kent, and many other fouth- 
.ern counties,' to the great benefit of the Farmers and the 
Public. 

N. B. The French arpent, or acre, according to Mr. 
Greaves's calculation, conflfls of lOO perches of 22 feet 
och, making in all 48,400 fquare French feet, and is equal 
to 51,691 Englifh fquare fiect, or. one acre, 29 poles, nine 
paces one yard two feet and one half fquare, that is to fay, 
to very near an acre and three quarters of a rood Englifh 
meafure. The French meafure is according to this propor- 
tion, reduced in the account above to the Englifh meafure. 



Continuation of 
REFLECTIONS on COURTSHIP and ITARRIACE. 

But in young minds, for of fuch only I fpeak, where t^here 
arc commonly docile and pliable difpofitions, is ic an infupera- 
ble tafk to raife in them an ambition for good fenfe, and a 
judicious tafte ? There are many paflions to work upon, which 
ii nice and gentle h;ind may manage to hispnrpofe. There are 
the iccA% of fefkxion ; and though they may lie under rubbifh, 
it is to be ckared away : They may be fown in good ground ; 
and, by minding times and feafons, aiid dealing tenderly with 
th:- ], they will brlt^g forth a crop of happy and ufeful reflec- 

But fufler me, gentlemen, to go yet farther. Allowing what 
we Jiave fa" J on the education of young ladies to be all true; 
ck'jj not. our iex too ofien compleatwhat that has begun ? Do 
ve iiot i^i general flatter them \vith a heap of bombaft ftulF, 
iwA then laugh at them for feemiug pleafed with it ? Do we 
not liov/ itp ihcir vanity and conceit, with notions of that 
riv rit to v/hicli ihey have no juft title ? And glofs over ^eir 
filly airs and follies with falfe applaufe, and epithets of appro- 
bation? Do we not. gencFally converfe with them in a language 
of rhodoniontade and* nonfenfe ? How 



i 



A COLLECTION OF ESSAYS &(?. #2^ 

How then is it poflible for them to im|Mrbvc, how to difcera 
real fro^i falfe excellence, who feldom hear a word of fenfe, 
and lefs of truth ? 'Tis this fort of treatment yotmg ladies 
meet ^ith in common life ; and too much, of this kind we carry 
with us when we make our matrimonial ^ddrefles ; to which, 
and our fubfequent imprudences after marriage, I cannot but 
afbribe the many juft fatyrs that arc thrown out againft it, 

But would we** " — Here the difcourfe was interrupted by 
a circumftance which I. doubt not you well remember. 

Had the gentlem^ proceeded, your opinion might pollibly 
have been determined, and prevented me an attempt, for which 
I fear I am not fufficiently qualified. -- — However, I will not 
add to the trouble of your perufal any further apologies, 
which are in general the effefts more of vanity than modefty. 

I am then of that gentleman's opinion, whofe difcourfe was 
broke in upon: . ' 

That unhappy matches are often occafioned by mere mer- 
cenary views in one or both of the parties, or by the head- 
ftrong^ motives of ill-condu<Sted paflion. 

That by a prudent and judicious proceeding, m our ad- 
drefTes to a young lady of a good natural temper, a probable 
foundation may be laid for making her an agreeable compa- 
nion, a fteady friend, and a good wife 

And that after marriage, by continuing in the road of pru- 
dence and judgment, we may ere<5l a fuperftrudhire of as much 
real felicity, and as refined an enjoyment of life, to its latcft 
period, as any other fch^me can juftly lay claim to. 

I Ihall give you my deliberate thoughts on thefe four par- 
tkulars; the firft, fecond and third, will be the fubjeft of 
this, the fourth that of another letter; and, to be the lefs con- 
fufed, I fhall put them under a fort of method. 

Sect. I. Many unhappy tnatches are occafioned hy mercenary 
vie^s in one or both of the parties^ *\ 

THAT luxury, and an expenfive manner of life,, is not 
lefs the attention than die ambition of maft people in 
their feveral claifes; and that fuch a Jtum of mind muft natu- 
rally and neceflarily carry with it a violent and infatiable third 
for riches ; to any perfon of observation and refledHon, is as 
obvioas cm the one hand, as it is confequential on the Qther. 
/ It is as certain, that a paffion fo preinEdent, will, of courie, 
weigh down and ftiflc every noble, generous, and difinterefted 
ftrfiment. 

^We fee but too often, like a deftruftive torrent, it hurries 
away all the principles of humanity, friendihip, and honour. 

In 



i 



*f4 '^H^ POLITE MISCZLLANY: aR, 

In ftort, -whenever luxury, and an ambition for ftio\«^ 

and grandeur, becomes our ruling paffion, tfee love of money, 
as being -the neceflary means for attaining tfee other, will be 
proportionably ftrong: And whatever is our ruling paffion, 
it wiW fwallow up aU the reft, and be the governing princi- 
ple of our a(5tions. 

A great philofopher, and a poet, that has, I thinks no equal 
in our language, tells us: 

The ruling paffion, be it what it willy 
The ruling paffion conquers reafon ftill*'. 

Every man of obfervation and thought does, 1 believe, find, 
that exterior fhew, and' the pojTeffion of wealth, is become the 
common ftandard of merit; that a flavifh. obfequioufnefs is 
paid to it, at the expence of all that is truly gi'eat and manly. 

The fimie little, fneaking, and felfilh fpirit, is crept into 
our matrimonial purfuits; and not, I thinl?, lefs with the fair 
than our own fex. 

What abominable proftitutions of pcrfons and minds ai*c 
daily to be feen in many of our marriages ! How little a fharc 
has real friendfhip and efleem in moft of them 1 How many 
proftitute themfelves for 'a good fcttlement, under the legal 
title of a wife ! And l\ow many facrifice themfelves to repair a 
1)roken fortune, or to gain one ! - 

Are thefe muckworms to expetft any focial happinefe with ' 
each other ! Shall their wretched experience be quoted as inftan- 
ces to provs matrimony unworthy our choice I 
So two rich mountains of Peru f 
May rufti to wealthy marriage too. 

The real felicity of marriage does undoubtedly confift in 
an union of minds and a fympathy of aflPedlions ; in a mutsal 
efteem and friendlhip for each other in the higheft degree pof- 
fible. But in that alliance, where intereft and fortune only 
is confidered, thofe refined and tender fentiments are neither 
felt nor known. And what are they exchanged for ? Why, 
to make a glare in the eyes of the little and great vulgar ; to 
be hurried through fcenes of ridiculous and treacherous cere- 
mony ; to raife envy in the weak and filly part of the world, 
pity and contempt in the wife and judicious. 

And what are the confequences to the parties themfelves ? 
Why, at beft, a cold, flat, and infipid intercourfe ; void of the 
exquifite relifh of a fincere efteem, and the divine pleafures of 
a reafonable and honourable firiendihip. 

* Pope's Epijiie to lord Bathurft, ^ 

t Watts. 

[ Tq le continued, ] 



A qOLtEtTION OHF ESSAYS, &c. 55 

Vfae CHARACTERS of the PRESENT AGE*, 

OTj MdDERK THEb>PKRASTUS, 

P O R C U S. 

I AM never in company with Pore us, that I am not reminded 
of famine and hunger. He makes no obferyation, nor 
intr(5duces no topick, that has not fome obvious felatipn td 
(luffing and eating. 

Whenever he pafles the .hall of any company in the cityj 
he recolle(fb their days of feafting, and reckons up the inter- 
mediate time till the 'n^kt holiday that company are to keep^ 
which if it happens at an unlucky and unfeafonable time of the 
year, Porcus laments his ill fate that he Ihall hafve neither fiih 
nor venifbh for his next dinner there. Here, fays he, pafiin^ 
by a large hall, we have little company and poor dinners, th^ 
foals are never fry'd enough-, and are cold and greafy. This 
company, cries Porcus , pafling another gutthng ftye, is poor, 
and vdil ibon fall to decay; we had neither peas nor flraw- 
berries ther6, though it was the_ latter-end of April : Ayc» 
continues he, at fight of a third, recommend me here, they 
know what's what here ; a good venifon feaft, and the fineft 
trout ^ but plague take them for crouding fuch numbcrlefs 
ftrangers : A man fhould never have more than five to an 
haunch, and no man fliould have the firft^ cut at two feveraj 
.haunches. 

Meet this fame Porcu^ in a private family, and ypu'll oWerve 
his eyes oh the fide-board and table an hour before dinner : 
You will fee him fittihg where he is likely to be called to th« 
warmeft ftation, and counting nofes to find what pc<>pprtion of 
room is^ left for the guefts. When the fcrvant lays the cloth, 
he is anxious for every knife and fork he fees placed on the 
table; and nothing gives him the vapours fo much as feeing 
two or three ftrange acquaintance drop in juft before dinner, 
«fpecially if the niafter of the houfe feems to pay them much 
refpe6t, and endeavours to feat them at the upper-end of the 
ts^bie. V . . > • 

He is very angry to obferve madam's partiality to her little 
brats; and fecretly pleads in his wiflies with the, mafter of 
the houfe, that they may be fcnt to dine in the nurfeiy. 

When the vi(ftuals are brought to the table he is veiy tmeafy 
at the long compliments of fcating ; and be he himfelf placed 
Vhere he will, he fancies every one at .table has more room 
than hiiilMf. He fixes his eyes on the difh he firft intends to 
attack; arid wiflies every tit-^bit that is carved for another may 
•VOL.l. ' E choak 



'.'^iftS^'- 



i 



26 THE POLITE MISCELLANY: or, 

choak them : He is fure to be difconteijted with the" portion 
that i$ fcnt him, and ftiil fancies his neighbour has the beft 
fliare of the fauce. He is often like the Afs in the fable, con- 
founded between two difhes ; and while he is greedily fwal- 
lowing one plate down, is watching the decreafe of fomc 
other difh. He fees more things in the firft courfe than the 
time allotted will allow him to tafte of; and when it is remo- 
ved, he wifties he had left the foup, and ftuck to the filh. 

When the fecond courfe is introduced he begins to fear he 
has not left room enough for all that he intends to eat : And 
if the fervants fhould happen to ncgleft to remove his foul' 
plate in time, his uneafinefs is not to be defcribed, efpecially if 
they are prevented by any extraordinary attendance on ano- 
ther perfon. If the leg of a duck, or the pinion of a goofe, only 
come to his fhare, he picks them as though he were forced to 
it as a punifhment, and curfes the whole oeconomy of the table, 
}f that plate of viftualsj which is placed before him, prevents 
his better fortune in a different difh. Even at firft fight his 
wifhes acre, that nobody may like the difh he prefers; and . 
will efteem his beft friend a glutton, if he defires to be help^ 
a fecond time to Porcus^s favourite difh : At length, by hearty 
eating, and long pi'efervance, he arrives at that ftate that he can 
hardly go any further, and yet can't endure to leave off; he 
ftill labours at the feaft, and feeds without any pleafure or 
enjoyment, s ' 

Is the life of man then merely animal, O Porcus ! Or if 
you muft live a brute, mutt you be a favage brute alfo ? Can _ 
Jrou not eat without envy or fharling ? And are you a fool 
.enough to catch at the Ihadow and lofe the fubftance ? Are 
your feafons only diftinguifhed by different appetites after 
different foods? And your holidays your days of debauch? 
Are the meetings and feftivals then of fociety calculated to 
breed gluttony and greedinefs ? And is the joy of a citizen 
put upon the fame level with the pleafures of an hog? Iffo, 
to increafe your beaftly enjoyments, let me, as a thorough-pace3 
' Epicure^ recommend one more imitation of the brutes you 
are fo fond to copy. Learn, O Porcus^ after your joy in eat- 
ing is ftopped by fullnefs and excefs, to difembogue the contents 
of your voracious abdomen y and then to return, like the dog, 
with new vigour and appetite to thy vomit. 



n 



. A qOLLBCTION OF ESSAYS, ««:.; ajf 

r(?Mr.WhiWorth. .. 

Liverpool, 1 8 Aug, 1 763, 
f /wifb you wot^dinfert a letUr which has for it's titk. Virtue 
Happinefs, if^. It is in a colte^iionjitfipMifbedi called. The 
inftruftive. Letter- Writer, \ and Eatertaining Companion.. 
Indeed it is ji^ly fakd .to he inftrudive and entertaining; 
for upon examining the hooky I found it to he, by much, the 
bejl colleElion I have feen ,- and thofe are, I think, all that 
have been publifbed. Itfeems to be, as the editorfays it is, the 
. befl Letters from the mq/i elegant authors, andfuch as are 
mqft adapted to infpire noble and manly fentiments, and pro " 
mote a rational and virtuous conduct. 

Hrtue Happinefs, ^and Vice Mifery : Pleafure and Pain when 
only feparable, 

I AM juft returned from a fliort tour which Ihad long 
promifqd to make , in D , and find myfelf doubly ia 

your debt for a couple of letters. — —The kind one by mr. 
R-^ — V brought me welcome accounts of your growing 
health, and very certain proofs of your good-humour. , It 
was put in my hand juft as I "v^as going to take horfe; juid 
the hurry of company that flocks about one in the country 
left me not an hour's leifure to anlwer it. My journey 
would have been every way agreeable, but for fbmp remains 
of the ill-humour raifed in that country by the late eleftioa: 
Families in oppofite.interefts carry it fo.high, that like rival 
courts, or if you pleafe rival toafts, a vifiter in one is b\it 
coldly received in another, . , 

I will frankly confefs to you the vanity (if it be fo) of 
my wifti, That my friends fhould like me the better the 
longer they know me; and particularly, that they fhould 
ever find me incapable of fo mean a' vice as fl^tterv ; whiph 
at once proftitutes truth and' manhood. In qc^Me^ce of 
this indulgence, I will veuture , to tell you, that your laft 
epiftle gave nx^ , exquifite pleafure.. The juft fentiments of 
men and manners, and that tru« tafteof life, which with 
high deligtit I perceive tQ l>e growing upon you, will be a 
cqnflant fund of entertainnjent to u.s both. How elegant 
i^ every peuod of it ! and hpw true i /jyhat an honeft indig-, 

Option it exjpreffes againft yonr vulgar gentlemen r-unfeeK 

E 2. • ing 



rM5^^^ 



m 



^f THE POLITt; MiSCfiLLANY: o%^ 

\ng fouls ! incapable of friendfliip, or of any higher tafta 
than * Imgatelle ct brutalitef — While at the fame time how 
amiable the coritraft! The eafy, well-bred, generous manj^ 
lehjoying the true relilh of life himfelf, and imparting like 
the fun a flow of joy and contentment to all about hjm, 
Well, mr, — r— t-, I begin to believe it becomes nobody fa 
well as a real gentleman to be imfe : His genteel manners and 
polite language gives a gtace to wifdom itfelf. They fmootl\ 
the rugged paths of philofophy, tinbend the brow of aufterc 
virtue, lend a new luftre to learning, and polifh every talent 
in life. Your unaffefted reflexions upon the moft impor- 
tant fubjeXs, and under very various afpefts of things, gave 
fife to thefe fentiments, and confirmed me in the opmion. 
That it is not ia the retired hermitage or lonely cell, wc 
are to look for the moft exalting principles, or the nobleft 

praftice Worth, Truth, Conftancy, Contempt of Death^ 

Improvement oi life, with all the fhining train of genuine 
-virtues. No — I find a gentleman who lives much in the 
world; who has feen, and, like Solomon, fhares in it's joys, 
can really believe that the meafure of a happy lot is not the 
number of days or accumulated years, but a difcharge of 
the duty of our ftation, be it long or tranfient, with dig- 
nity and honour. To fiich a one we may fey with great 
propriety, 

FeEx^quipotuit rervmcognofcerecaitfas, 
Atque mHus omnes et inexorabile fatum . 
Sul^ecitpedibuSyJirepitumqueJckeKontisavarH 

Happy the man, who vers'd in nature's laws, 
Can each effcft afgribe to it's own caufe j 
Trample on terrors and relentlefs fate. 
And bear the din of Acheron, fedate ! 

And now, my dear friend, that the worft is paft, I feel 
a pleafmg ferenity fucceed the gloom that forfome weeks 
hung over my mmd. I can now think of T — without a 
figh ; or rather perceive a filent fmife fteal upon nfe at the 
jnention of the agreeable name ; and have a ftrong inclination 
to imitate the doftor of Derry, who told his patient he muft 
not relapfe for three days until he fhould return to attend him. 
Ypu muft not have fuch another fit until I can perfuade 
' • myfetf 

* Trtfting and Senfuality. 



m 



A COLLECTION OF ES5AYS, «pc. 29 

nlyielf tobe kfs anxious about you; for I ^vbuld not Un- 
dergo the painful apprehenfions, nor live in the reftlefs 
agitations that toiled .^d tortured me during your laft 
^ckn^s, for aay confideration, • It is, I know infeparablc 
from a real aJfFeftioa ; * ^is enim fecunis amavit ? Butthen 
a gentleman of your thorow good-nature, -will certainly out 
ofregard to one who loves yow take every precaution in your 
power not to give hun pain. I am fure this will have weight 
with you : Add ,to it die warning you have had from your 
conllitution not to trefpafs againft it, nor truft it too, fax- 
to it's luppofed ftrength. Henceforth, let no perfuafion, 
no company, no temptation, induce you to rilk that with- 
out which life and all it's enjoyments are taflelefs and bur- 

^ thenfome ; and in this rcfpeft Fix your firm refolve, vjif' 

dom to wvdy and pay her long arrear, 
- Great reafon has a noble author to fay. That it is cozd- 
il,rdk€y jnere coivardicey that deters men from virtue, and 
plunges them in vice, when one round, hearty refblve woul4. 
rid them of a train of miferies. 'Tis of a piece with ao 
uncommon pbrafe employed by a juft and happy writer, if 
there be one in antiquity, Sapere aude; Dare to bb 

• WISE. No habit or courfe of life, to which we have been 
accuftomed, but requires courage to throw it ofF^- And yet 
there is not a friend or companion you have, at leaft none 
yrorth keeping, who will like you the worfe for being truly 
temperate. Let him even be ar little loofe himfelf, in his 
inmoft foul he muft approve of you, and efteem you the 
^ore for being unlike hirt\ ; for well knows my friend, there 
is no neceffity to lay afide pleafantry and good -humour, in 
order to aflume temperance and integrity. We itiay be as 
ferene, nay a^ gay as we pleafe, and have much better r^- 
on to be io, when once we have come to 'contemn vice, and 
all th^ flavifh crew of fears, remorfcs, etkllefs purfufts, and 

infatiatis cravings * that attend her. It is true^ the utterly 
abandoned, the refolutely wicked, wilt look upon you as a 

. man of another p2irty, and turn your conduft into ridicule, 
if they can. But would you wifh for fA^/V approbation ? 
for their applaufe— i — whofe friendihips are leagues in wick- 
f dnefs, only cemented by fimiliar vice§ ? To, pity the perfon 

, ■ . . ..';.' ^ of 

* Who e*er ^unanxiotis bv'dP 
[Tobe continued.]- 



1 



JO THE PX)LlTflr M!S/3EXLA»Yr OR* ^ 

Continuation of 
REFLECTION? on COURTSHIP and JVIARRIACE. 

But more frequently the iiliquity of^tfteir itltere^ed views,' 
iu one ox both, appears uridifguifed,, is" Riirceed^tl by con-' 
tempt and diidain, ati'd throSys'liich 'a Rft '6f 'contention 
and uneafinefs between them,* 'a^ gives too juft a caule for 
that direful fimile, a hell upon earth. ' ' 

If the happinefs of a married life does, as 'it moft cer- 
tainly mull, arife from an unfeigned efleeni ^nd fmcere 
friendship for each other ; how is it poifible for fuch god- 
like efFefts to flow from fuch* diabolical caufes, as avari-* 
tious, mercenary, and felfifh views? Do fuch difpofitions, 
and can fuch dirty fouls ever feel the pure and delicate 
flame of a fmcerp love ? Of that myfterious afFe(Slion which 
iwells the heart, and overflows in the gentle fl:reams of an 
anxious foiidnefs? Can interefted defigns, cari thofe flaves 
to drofs, be animated with the fpirit' of a generous, an de- 
viated, and^ inflexible friend/hip ^ ^ It is inconfiftent, and re- 
pugnant to reafon and nature. Cold is their idol; it is 
that they wed. 

To conclude, it is a truth of the plainefV d^riij&nftration, 
that flaves to fortune, or the gratification of their own fel- 
fiih paflions, who centre their views in life X^ithin them- 
felvef, independent on the feelings of others, are incapable 
of a fincere and fl^ady friqndfliip ; nor can their hearts glow 
with the warm benevolence qi a tender affeftion. 

Does it not then very evidently appear, that marriages 
which are made On the mere motives of intiereft, will natu- 
rally turn out infipid, unhappy, and fatal fituations? 
. If there can be found any inftances to the contrary, they 
mufl: b? owing Jo a happy chance. Thofe who in fo imporr 
tant 2in engagement wiU trujtt 'to a turn of the dice for their 
happinefs, are not worth reafoning with. It is trnt we can- 
not arrive to certainty in human contingencies; but when 
reafon, and the greateft degree of probability, are againfl: 
us', it is madnefs, it is egregious folly, to aft in contradiftioa 
to them, . ■ ' 

It mufl: not be inferred from wliat has been faid,"that 
prudence and diifcretion, with regard to fortune, are to be 
baniflied from our confideratidn. That would be an ex- 
treme, on the other ha^nd, equally or more fubverfive of our 
happiaefs. ,-*...; r^^ 



A C O LtLlX T*ON ;OTr ESS AYS,, «tfc. 131^ 

To talk of a competence, is, in effeft, ilaying -nothing at 
all ; what may be fo to one man is not fo to another.' Bat this 
is certain, the nearer we bring our defires pf living, and our 
relifties of pleafure, to the necellities of our nature, the more 
eafy and certain will our happinefe be: And undoubtedly 
fplendor and magnificence are more -imaginary, than real- and 
neceflary ingredients to human felicity. 

How much^ or how little a fortune vnll content us, de- 
pends chiefly on our own way of thinking. Be this as it 
will, it fhould feem very proper before all mar/iagps, for 
both parties to know truly^and fairly what they have to 
expeft on this head ; and ferioufly to confider wiih them- 
felves, whether it will be fufficient fo far to anlwer their 
defires, as to prevent future murmurings and anxieties, and 
allow them to enjoy life agreeable to their inclinations. AH , 
deceit herein fhould be carefully avoided ; we may other? 
wife impofe on ourfelves, and ruin all our future felicity^ 

Sect. IL Unhappy marriages are often occajlonedfrcm the 
headjirong motives of iingoverned pajjion^ 

THE cool and confiderate views of interefl have taken' 
fo deep a root even in very young minds, that thefe 
marriages from a paflionate fondnefs are not very common | 
and ^ve are, L think, now-a-days more liable to them in 
our dotage than our bloom. - 

An amorous complexion, a lively imagination, .and a gene-^ 
rous temper, are fo apt to be charmed with an agreeable per** 
fon, the infmuating accomplifhments of mufic and dancing, 
. [une bonne grace'] a gracefid mariner, and a Igaiete de coeurji 
a fprighily temper ^ that it is inflantiy tranfported, fighs, 
languifhes, and dies for poflefTion. In this .diflempered 
Condition, and amorolis fit ' of madnefs, his fangnlne and 
heated imagination paints her out to him in all the roman-f 
tic lights of an Arcadian princefs, an angel form, and a hea-^ 
vcnly mhid; the pride of nature, and the joy of man; a 
fourceof immortal pleafiires, raptures that will never fatiate, 
. blifs uninterrupted, and tranfports too big for expreffion. — 
Bloated with all thefe nonfenfical, chimerical ideas, worked 
lip to a ragihgf fit of enthufiafipi, he falls doWn and worfhips 
Ais iddl of his ou^ intoxicated brain; cuns to her, talks 
ftiftian and tragedy by wholefale. Mifs blufhes, looks down, 

' I admires 



c 



^^^.; 



ja THE POLITE MISCkLLANY: A r, 

admires his eloquence, pities the dying Iwain, catches th^ 
infeftion, and confents, if pappa and mamma will give theirs. 
The old people ftrlke the bargain; the young ones arc 
mad and light-headed with thofe ravifhing fcenes their warm 
>;onftitutions and diftempered fancies prefent to their view* 
Well, they are married, and have taken their fill of love. 
The young fpark*s rant is over ; he finds his imaginary god- ^ 
ckfs mere outfide; nothing but a vain, afFefted, filly girl; 
and when his theatrical drels is off, fhe finds he was a lying, 
hot-brained coxcomb* 

^ .Thus come to their fenfes, «nd the mafic thrown off, the/ 
look at one another like utter flrangers, and perlbns juft- 
come out of a trance> He fitids by experience he fell in love 
with his own imaginary ideas, and ftie with her own vanitya 
Thus plucked from the foaring heights of their warm and 
irregular paflions, they are vexed at, and afliamed of them- 
felves firft, and heartily hate each other afterwards. From 
hence arife reproaches, contradiftions, &c. Thus all their 
fantafl:ic blifs ends in ftiame and repentance. 

In ferious truth, hoW can it be otherwife? 
Paflions are extremely tranfient and Unfi:eady; and love^ 
with no odier fupport, will ever be fliort-lived and fleetinga 
It is a Brc that is foon extinguiflaed ; and where there is 
nb folid efteem and well-cementefl friendftiip to blow it up^ 
it rarely lights again, but from fome accidental impulfc^Sj 
by no means to be depended on; which a contrariety of 
tempers, the fatalities of ficknefs, or the frowns of fortune, 
may for ever prevent, as age moft certainly will, 

Befides, in marriages of this kind, there is neither time 
tior coolnefs fufficient for fixing an efteem and friendftiip ; 
and therefore the very foundations for its lafting hsppinefi • 
are wanting. May they follow, do you think ? Alas I hoW 
uncertain is that! There are fo'many probabilities on th«' 
<;ontrary fide, that none furely but the moft rafli and incon- 
ftderate people would run the rifle. ^ 

What has been observed, ftems to point out, thatabljqd, 
a fudden and intoxicating paflion, has a natural tendency 
to occafion vmhappy marriages, and produce fcenes of grief 
and repentance. 

Let us, on the contrary, proceed with deliberation and 
circumfpe6tt(»u Let reafon and thougkt be fummoned 

bcforift 
[7b ie continued.'] 



I 



A COLL^CTiO^r OP ESSAtS. &(?. jj 

CONTINUATiaW OP - 

' ilBFLECTlONS 6n COURTSHIP artd MARRtAGE. 

fccfiite #e kigagc hi tht tcmttMp 6f d, larfyj eddeat^dut as 
much' as poffible to ftiflc all thofe paffionai^ ^d fttftorenis 
emotions that would cloud and bribe our judgments. Let 
t» ferfoiKly refteft, that en^gemeftts of this kkld ate of tAe 
ptdtxdk mcyment and import to ouf ftrttffe h^plntfs lii life> 
that courtftiip brings on marriage, which matkes 411 the peace 
Mrd Wclfet^df bur lives depeHten: on die behavJonf ^M dif* 
pofitions df another; a matter of the ittmoft coftfequence, 
kM of which we can fcarce think too lofig 6t t6o ihtich. 
Let Hot therefore our eye? err paflions prevail \vfth us, to 
barter aivay all that is tf idy valuable in our exi/tenCe fof 
their gratincation. 

Some women have inSnite art, behig early bred to dlf- 
guife and diffembfe ; yet, by a fkSful attetiflon, calmtif fs, 
sahA Fmpartmlity, we may form a judgment of thrir (^hafac- 
ters in the main: This we ftiould endeavour t6 do, aftd 
cdnip^re them fairly wWi otff 0W1I5 fee ho^ they ^iU- 
cofrcliJond; be rationally cottvinced of tc iithilftwde m oui* 
^ys of thihking, a harmoilj in otir minds and tempers^ be- 
fore we tentmre to change the name of ittifffefir into thai 6( 

Thus let trs deCberate, thus let us? prot^d, ^nd thus arm^ 
oiirfelvc*s t^-ith re^fon and refleftion in thts great affair • left, 
fcy too much warmth ind precipitancy, we draw thdfe mife« 
lies Oft duffeives, which repentance wili neither aflTuage fior 

^flseHtrg tiow dro^e the mercenary herd to thefr native 
jftines, and made evident their tmfitnefi for' breathing tir& 
.p€re and generous afr of matrimjoni^l felicity j feff tfrelna- 
moratoes to float h\ their fool's parttd^ x^ith riWek aft* 
romances; let us endeavotTr to fix: otfrfelv^ oft itbe true feaf- 
if^ t5f eottjtigal happinefe, and fee ifinrecin hit xipc^ the pjfth 
wSehJin an? agreeable companion, a Iteady fHenfrf, and a gooif ^ 
idtfe, tht^ he found. 

^AetA th^ tve muft enter upon by a prudent and judicious 
cojirtftiip, whkh, as it was btfore obfefved. Is laying ffte 
fm^tlon of a happy marriage. I adi &c. 

F Sect. 





> 
^4 TjaE FOLITE MlSCS^LrLAKY: o a. 

Sect. III. In our addrejfes let our conduct be ftncere, our 

tempers undijguijed; let us vfe fi^ artifices to cover dt^^Con: 

ceal our natural frailties and imperfediions, but be outwardly 

what ive really are within, and appear fuch as nn/e defi^ 

Jledfqftly to continue. .1 

_ •• • _ . ■. " ■ . , .■) 

IN the gay time of courtfliip, it feems to be a general 
pradlice with both fexes, to conceal all. perfonal deieft^ 
by every artifice of drefs,' ifc. 

This is fai- from being our intereil, and may be attended witjn ' 
very prejudicial confequences. Byfo intimate an union as 
that of marriage, all bodily defefts will foon be difcovered ; 
and as hypocrify, in the minuteft matters amongft friends^ 
is extremely odious, thofe defefts will carry a fting and guilt 
with them, to which perhaps we may never be reconciled \ 
Whereas, had no art been ufed for their concealment, they 
might have caufed little or no concern. 

Nothing to a generous mind is more ungrateful, than any 
jfort of imposition from a friend. 

. Love and friendfhip are of fo nice and delicate a texture,, 
that difingenuity m the fmalleft matters ihould be avoided* 

Thefe remarks may appear but of little importance ta 
people of a coarfe and unpoliihed tafte; but I am perfuaded 
they will have their weight with thofe of a contrary turfi^ 

For my own part, I would, of the two, be rather lefs 
careful and cxaft in my perfonal appearanjce before than af- 
ter marriage; becaufe the difficulty of raifing an afFeftion. 
is not fo great, as that of preferving it ; as every lijt tie per- 
fonal imbellifhment may be ferviceable in the former cafe,, 
fo it undoubtedly will in the latter. — But the care of our 
perfons will come under a more particular obfo-vation in 
my fecond part;, and though it is feldom neglefted before, 
yet it is often fo notorioufly after marriage, that I believe 
many unhappy ones are caufed by it. 

However it be as to the iprucenefs and decoration of our 
perfons, I muft aflirm it a moft dangerous folly, an impofi-- 
tion highly culpable, to mafk our tempers, and appear what 
we really are not ; to exhibit a forged draught of our minds 
and difpofitions, in order to win the affec^lions^ 

I am really at a lofs to judge, whether thd abfurdity or 
iniquity of fuch a fcheme be the greateft. 

Is 



\ 



A COLLECTION OP ESSAYl^ &c, ^ 35 

Is this courtfllip? Is this laying a foundation for our fti- 
tnre happinefe ? Monftrous I But thisi is fometimes, too often, 
the cafe With both fexes. It is really amazing how people 
can be £0 prepofteroufly wickecj, in a correfpondence of the 
moft feered and tender kind, on the confequences of which 
all the future happinefs of their lives may depend. How 
ftupid, thus to ftudy our own ruin, by the infamous decep- 
tion of one we chufe for the partner of our joys and our 
carte, the companion of our days and our nights. How 
^locking to fet out v with fraud, and proceed with deceit. 
In fuch fokmn engagements ! How ftiallow is the ciunning of 
fiidh inconfiderate lyiihds ! Mull not all the pleafures of mar- 
riage be unanimous and infeperable ? Do they not flow from 
real and unafFedled lovelinefs ? Can we think the cheat will 
He long concealed in a fociety fo intimate ? When time and 
experience unmafks our affumed appearance?, fhows us in 
our native colours, and expofes that reality we have fo induf- 
trioufly laboured to cover; can we ekpeft love and efteem 
from any one whom we have fo fhamefully over-reached and 
infnared ? Surely no. On the contrary, we fhall entail on 
ourfelves certain, indignation, and lafting contempt. 

We have raifed and fupported an afieftion by faUe appear- 
ances ; when thofe are leen through, as moft certainly thpy 
will be, yrhat title have we to love or friendflup? None; 
and ccMifequently no profpeft of focial happinefs. 

Let us my friend, on the contrary, oWerve a religious 
iincerity, appear in our native charafters, nndifguifed and 
unaffefted. If under thofe we gain ^fteem and friendfhip, 
our prolpefts of msdntaining them are as fecure a? our own 
minds and difpofitions may be lafting. — Let us be outwardly 
what we really are within, and appear in fuch a charafter as 
wt ftedfaftly defign to continue. Hereby we ftiall lay a 
ftrong foundation for our future happinefs in marriage. 
[To be cmtinuedJ} 

From the WH I My a new periodical Paper. 

I Will prefume to give what ought to be the real chara<5ter 
of a Perfon^of Wit. He muft be one who does not affume 
a medtrconfcious air of his fuperior talent. One, whofe wit 
has good fenfe for it's foundation, without which, all elfe is 
pertnefs. He muft be capable to enliven and enlighten con- 
F 2 verfation 



f 



yjwrfttioa wtbont wj^^wg itf and be carefij to ftufcn tfie 
ipliil; wii;Ii dpU^nr ^tii good ma^iiers. His enp^iCoxis (bould 
pot be nj9^^ Jively than juft j fcis w}t is not to be reftrifted to 
particular pprfons or friends, nor confined tp tbe peculiar t^ftc 
of a country, but to difpl^y an ^ccompUflinient of mind fuited 
to tjie vniver^. Abov^ all things, he never fhonld let hfe 
vM. cprao^ frofn Wm, beforcs it comes to hvpa : For ftr^ining 
tbe imagination h^s as ill an eStSi upon it, as diftortipn ha$ 
Upon the feat»f^s. I need not repeat the ftale obfervation, 
that wit ^ould not b« accompanied >vitk ill-mature, but fhatt 
Ufe the fimile of a French lady, who faid it fhould be like s( 
g^tdc ftUh of lightning, and blaze without fcorching. 

Among othfr things J muft obftrve, that a witty Pcifoai 
f^ld 1^ a^ ^^^^9 in ths ff^g^m^ of ufing it» ki a fwordfinan 
(h^Mld b<P cf hi? wffipQfi, teft h§ throw himfipW off hU guard. 
^, by ipaWpg a car^fs jungf , receive a hom^tbruft hw^fclf j 
which h^ becA v?ry pften the cafe, apd is particularly ilhj- 
Arate4 i^a the fpUowing ipftgnces, 

A Yonetiaj^ ^mh^mdQV at the Court of RonWi who was ;i 
inan of ability, fpirjt, end vivapity, wgs under a, ncceflity of 
making very ftroiig r^monftrances to 'the P<yc, in behalf pf 
the flag of the Republk, which had been inMted \tj th^ fub-^ 
jefls of his fiolinef^, Matters were arrjved to a great hieiffht 
on both iides. Finally, the Pope, irritated ^t what he thought 
^B^ganee in the Ambaflhder, and impatient of jfurther oif^ 
^ute, tart}y demanddd what Charter his Ma^rs had for Uie 
Sovereignty of the Sea^ t The Ara^aifador v^Fy cof^y defired 
him tP look on the B^k e£ hi9 Gr^tfor St. FctCi^'s Patrimonyi 
ajid he wpuld find it there. 

wiogen^, whfl Mi traps jSor appiauifc by a furly, rigid, 
oft^^t^tipi^ pyfft^ce tp philpfpphyi enitf rtftining a rsncproui 
ci^vy ^t the fiip^rior reputation q! Plato, tqplf pcean^^* ixk • 
vifit to him at his houfc, a:^ he walked upon the rich (^rp(M9» 
^yit^ which tfe fl<WS were ppv^r?y;J, t;p fay, <* Se^how I tram*- 
pie upon Platp'§ fv\ik" " Yes/' faid PbtO? " b\it with 
greater pride." 

The remark of Charles II. to Mr. Waller, upon reading the 
Poem addrefled to his Majefty, and the Poet's Anfwer to it, 
is too well kfio^'Q tp repeat ; but it remiuj^s me of a fimiliar 
ftory of the fame IVTonarch. The King took occafion, in ah 
audience he gaW tp the Dutch Amhaflador, tP obfervc, tha| 
the Stat^ did not pr^rumc te apply to the.Prpte<ftOT in iucli 
high terms. *( Veyy tnie, returtifd the Ambafedor, b«t 
Qiiver w^s. qnke a different fpff of a man*'* 



On J 



On 0Uf^*$ afiUmg A Vmtlman icnp much h kvid her. 
. To Mas -. 

MT paffion, Sylvia, to prove. 
You bid me tell how much I love. , - 
I love thee then — but language foils--'— 
More than bees love flow'ry vales^ 
More than turtle loves his dove ; 
More than warblers love the grove; 
More than nature loves the Ipring ; 
More than linnet loves to fing ; 
More than infefts funny beams; 
More dian poets airy dreams ;^ 
More than nflies love the flood; 
More than patriots public good; 
More than flocks the grafly pl^s ; 
More than hinds increafing rains; 
More than ftatefman loves his plot 'r 
More than am'rous age to doat; 
More than lords their pedigree; 
More than Britons to be free; 
More dian heirs love twenty-one; 
More than heroes laurels won; 
More than elves the mowi-lig^t fliade; 
More ^lan ancient maids to wed; j^"| 

More than hermit loves his cell; ,, 

More dian beauty to caccel; 
|ifore than mifer loves ^is/ftore; 
More than myfdf—- can I do more i 



^ Cqntinuation of 

The LETTER on VIRTl/E HAPPINESS, &Cv 

#f the vicious, and aiBft them even in the ills which their 
follies have brought upcm them, is one c^ the firft leflbnl 
of virtue and dictates (^ humanity. Are we therefore to 
lp¥e, eftees^, or keep them company I Are we to behave to 
chem as we would to men^ txempt from tbeir fault% ami 
i^doroed with the oppofite virtues I Such a one is a &d, worth- 

lefs 



f 



'""^ai'J*^ 



38 TtJE' FOI^^TB Ml^tLLANY: on, 

Icfs £ellQW, without morals or conduft ; you can truft him 
with nothing J- — ^* But *• faid a noble perfon- of your accjliain- 
tartce, " he is a ftirewd, witty dog, and very entertaining : 
" I'll fend and have- him here while I ftay in the country. 
" Mr. B — , my neighbour, is a knowing, accpmpli^ed 
** gentleman; but he is deviliffiily fober, and looW5' fo ftay'd, 
** and fpeaks fo accurate, that t canrwt bear him. .Here, 

*^ John ! take a horfe, and ride quickly over tp F m, 

" and tell Will Waggilb, that I expefl him here to fpend 

** the week with me; and deHre the fervants, if Mr. B 

** fliould call to-day, or to-morrow, to tell hliji that I a'n*t 
** at home. I'm gone a vifiting, d'ye hear ? and don't know 
** when I return."— — 

Inattentive people,' efpecially the mifcalled men of pleafure 
(the meereft drudges of the human race) by living fome time 
In this way, come at laft to think every thing decent and law- 
ful that fuits their inclinations: While they are in a career 
of diver fions, they really look upon honour, integrity, and 
virtue, as empty, infignificant founds. 

* VirUitem Verba put ant, vt Liiciim Ligna 

So indeed they are to thofe who have nofesling of the things; 
fuch perfons receive much the fame benefit from all that can 
be faid in commendation of wordi and wifdon^, as the late 
ferene Dauphin did from all the elabo;:ate edition^ of the Claf- 
fics publifhed for his ufe. To them I would only riscommend^ 
to go more thoroivly tp ^york, and if the joys they purfue 
be genuine, to d^ote themfelves whoUy to them. They 
are but puny, ftarveling rakes in cproparifon of fome of their 
predecelTors. I remember to have read of a celebrated de- 
bauchee among jhe antients, the bufinefs of whofe day it was 
tc get drunk at night. This wife and ingenious perfbn (for 
io to. be fure he thought himfejf) prepared for the evening 
campaign with great addrefs and afTiduity. He jQept long, 
eat delicately, rubbed, bathed, aired and walked, juft as much - 
ajs w^ould bqft fit ^him for the dear fatigue of being drunk. 
When that grand point was attained, like a man of fpirit, 
^ho had afted his part with dignity, and.fuUy reached th« 
purpofe of life, ordered his fervants every evening to lay him 
on a piagnific^t couch, and carry him in proceflion with de- 
cent funeial pomp, from his lalon thro' a fuite of rooms, to 
his bedchamber, calling put trijuipphantly all the ,way, B^:Bi- 

OKE, 

* Meer words n:ah virtue, jiji as trees make groves, , 



QKE, Bebfoke,^^ hath liv^d, he hath lived; the form of 
funeral fervice ior tke dead. - :^ 

Serioufly, mj friend, intemperance, or vice of any Ipecics, 
is but a fickly, incdnfifient thing.; and we are obliged tom^ke 
great allawances to be able to bear with it. You hate the 
whoiej and you both hate andvcoijtemn the half -knavA;. a, 
cxan who falljiies his word, who eludes his promHesy fhufflcs 
in his anfwersy or fwervesiin his dealings, draws your averfion, 
and moft juftly. But why hate, by halves ?—- -why cenfune 
one vice fevereiy, and connive at another? Be conMent ii> 
.your judgment and jiking^ Love not the private,, eafy com-, 
panion in the public nfiercenary traitor, nor approve the prcr 
tended patriot^ be he ever, fo flaming, in the private immoral 
profligate*.. I do not fay that what is good in a vicious cha- 
radler is' not to be approved; nor deny but that ]die fame 
chara6ler may, in different refpedls, be virtuous and vicious > 
much lefs do I eipbrace the floical paradox. That all vices are 
equally pernicious and criminal; but I lay it down as a facred 
maxim. That every man is wretched in proportion to his 
vices, and affirm the noblefl: ornament of a young generous 
mind, and die fureft fource of pleafure, profit, and reputatiori 
in life, to be an unreferved acceptance of virtue. Take 
the lovely gucfl l>ut once into your bofom ; refoh^e ijriftly, 
and fleadily to follow her diftates, " (he will diffufe a joy. 
and ferenity through your foul, a confidence and courage 
through your ipeech and conduft, fuch as no corrupt hearf. 
ever felt, or guilty hand put in execution. This refpefts 
.the important parts of life: as to the plea/ant they follow' 
their betters. The fweeteft ingredient in mirth i^ inno- 
cence; it heightens ^d refines the humour, and doubles the 
relifh of every enjoyment. I have feen many bad men brutally; 
merry, but never one of them quite open, cafy, and uncheck'dr 
ii> his mirth. That abfolute ferenity,: that fupreme eafe, is^ 
^ fole gift of virtue. To her cholen alone fhe gives tO; 
talte gayety and pleafure unmixed; to drink of the pure 
ilrcam that flows fpontaneous from confcious worth and 
• & benefit 

.* It was an ordinance in the admirable conjlitution of Spar- 
ta^ when any perfon notorioufly vicious made a wholefome prC" 
pdfaito the public y that fame man of known probity fhould mount 
the rf^rum^ and repeat the fame propofal^ that it might pafs 
i^to a decree^ arid be -ena^ed in his name. 



f 



40 THE tOLlTE 'MISCELLANY: oft, 

beneficence to men : To all others it is dajftied and imbit* 
tered Jn proportion to the crookednefs of their minds, the in- 
humaaity of their tempers, and intemperafice of their lives* 
Shall I wrong you in fnppofing you apprehenfive of ftich 
i ftrift rcfolution, a^ if it would lead you into thorhy paths, 
or confine you to a narrow track, full of ftruples and pee-' 
vifhnefs ? Truft me it will not. On the contrary, IVffcfom's 
ways ari€ -ways of pleafantnefsy and all her paths are peace^ 
The peculiar felicity of fuch a temper t>f mind, owing be- 
yond controverfy to our divine original frame, is the fimfrii* 
city of it's direftory. You fieed no intricatcf fyftems, nor 
abftrufe, ambiguous rules, to lead you to the road of hap' 
pihcfs: One plain principle will prove an unerring guide 
in this flowery path, for ever ftrewed with frefli content-* 
ment and unrepented pleafnre. Would you be exempt' 
from uncafinefs ? Do no one thing you know, or but fufpe& 
to be ivrong. Would you enjoy the pureft pleafure? D& 
every thing in your poiver you are convinced is right i A 
Kttle attention to the inward monitor, We lamely call CoA- 
fcience, will difcover him to be your beft friend, faithful 
and true; fond and forward to do good, while be mufi 
fee dragged, reluftant, eVen to doubtful evil ; for tb approVo^^ 
of it open Jlnd undHgnifed, neither the fongs of the Syrenf 
could ever allure, nor the tortures of tyrants every compel 
him. No fooner does the fpecies of any conduft, or id^ 
of any one action, ftrike upon the undcrftanding, than itf 
is immediately remitted to this incorrrrpt judge, whc^ tranf-^ 
mits it to the will brighten'd with his approbatiiMi, or' 
bkcken'd vnth his diflike ; and if the inward oeconom/ 
be found, it is put m execution as good, or rejefted as? 
bafe, according to the mark of his fovereign controuL ' 
Deceived he may be in particular inftances, when falfehdocf 
is prcfented'to Jhim in the garb of truth; but bribed of 
biaffcd he never can be, from the general reftitude of hi^ 
intention, fingly to promote the welfere of men, by affuriflg 
them, nay, hj making rhem feel that their hap^efe de-^ 
pends upon their acquitting themfelves fully and fairly of 
the duties of humanity. How often have you heard it faid 
of a certain gentleman. He ivotdd not do a?ii It thing for the 
ivorldF Glorious charafter! and I hope more freqtient 
than is commonly believed — a charafler to be courted, or 
to fay it better, deferved by^ every man who wiflies to live 
happily, anc^ to tsfte ^nurne pleafure. ^ Could 

^ [To be concluded in our 7iextr\ 



A COLLECTION OF ESSAYS, 5cc. 41, 

Conclusion of 
The LETTER on VIRTUE HAPPINESS, &c. 

Could ^iriy friend npw take one other flep with me? I 
know he can; and fain would I affure myfelf he ivill. li 
the happinefs of our lives depends upon our obedience to 
this home-cenjbry lodged in every man's bpeaft, it muft needs 
incrcafe in proportion to our attention to his di(^ates, and 
diminifh according to our negligence. What a thought 
is there? What a fund of uncloying pleafure pbinted out 
to a noble youth in the bloom of life, as yet untainted with 
vice and fond of real fame? To live without remorfe, ia 
blifsful ignorance of inward pangs, We muft do no one thin^r 
we byt fufpeft to be wrong; to be truJy happy, we muft 
do whatever we believe to be right: But would yow exalt 
and refine this happinefs, you muft be at pains to cxamiriC 
what is right, and at pains to put it in execution. Startle 
not at the word ; for in cxaft proportion to your pains 
vnW be your pleafure. In the ordinary occurrences of life, 
fach a conduft will prt5cure yon peace and plenty at home^ 
and refpe^t and confidence abro;id; but in public ftations, 
if leads to the higheft pitch of human felicity, and puts' 
the man who honeftly alms at it in the direft road to he- 
roifm and immortality. 

Look around you, my friend, and obferve whetljer the 
happieft (I do not fay the richeft) be not at the fame time 
the beft and wifeft of your acquaintance? while you can 
icarce meet a wretch who has not been made fo by vice or 
folly; it is finely faid by our old Englifli fatirift. 
Mitch nvo ivorth the man that mifrvleth Ins emuife. * 

A mi/rule that afFeds the offender himfelf in the firft pl;ice, 
and but confequentially thofe who are connefted with him. 
Such a perfon, we fay, is loft to 2i)l'fenfe of honour or fharn^. 
Think a little what may be the meaning of that expreflion. 
)s it not that by a coui-fe of immorality he has vitiated his 
natural perceptions of right and wrong, and dulled his 
tafte oiF beauty and virtue ? This we commonly call, in a 
ftrong metaphor, a feared confcience, becaufe it is callous 
and unfeeling ; and then the inward monitor lofes a great 
part of his power ; his voice becomes faint, and his die* 

VOL.1. G tates 



♦ Vifion of P-ifrcf Plowman, 



f- 



''jiAA. ' 



4*2 THE POLITE MISCELLANY": or, 

tates feeble 5 though h rarely happens that he is fo intirely 
perverted but that he roufes at intervals, and Ipeaks in a 
tone that makes his tyrant tremble : But he is much oftener 
cheated than borne down ; as when our moral reftitude is 
mifguided, a falle fpecies of good pafTed upon us inftead 
of the true, and the deluded fancy taught to fubftitute 
Ibme perverie, partial end, in which to place it's happinefs, 
inftead of the free exercife of it's native faculties in dsing 
good. This is done by the excefs fometimes of one paflion^ 
.and fometimes of another: Love, ambition, envy, and ava- 
" rice, take their turns in the fucceding ftages of life, and pre- 
fent us with their favourites in impofing lights ; which — 
no fooner vanifh than tlie objefts appear in their genuine 
colours, and this upright cenfor revokes his approbation. 

But the grand {orccrck, Jly fiiper/iit ion, approaches with 
an air of fan(5lity, and hoodwinks unhappy men, not for 
any one period, as the other paflions, but, alas! for life. 
Enfnared and hampered by the foul, as our comic poet fays, 
they look at things only through the magic glafs which the 
enchantrcfs holds up to them, and ftart amazed when pre- 
fented to them undifguifed. Through it they fee nature 
. reverfed, the world turn'd upfide down, and curfe the ere- 
ation to oblige it's author. 

You, my friend, are in little hazard of this gloomy gob- 
lin : You know that virtue, when genuine and fmcere, giyes 
a dignity to human nature; and. can believe the nobldl 
genuis of antiquity, when he fcruples not to affirm. That 
the breaft of a man adorned with juftice, humanity, and 
regard to the laws, is the moft auguft temple that can be 
reared to God. It is from Syrens of fofter alpeft and 
Iweeter voice, you have more to fear, though you have 
lately had a fufficient difcovery. of their hidden deformi- 
ties,^ and have feen that the fair face and alluring fong only 
ferve to conceal the devouring monfter — '--Would you ef- 
feftually avoid them ?- — Betake yourfelf to knowledgp, 
virtue, and the duties of a man. ^ For when theall-^dfe 
** creator had formed the two contraries, pleafure and 
** pain, he found it impoffible to reconcile the implacajblc 
^* enmity fubfifting betwixt their oppofite natures: — But 
" as there was likew;ife a neceffity that they fhould at times 
" occupy 6ne and the fame fubjeft, be blended their extre- 
" mities, and joined them fo infeperably that the gaie is 

** never 



\ 



A COLLECTION OF ESSAYS, &c. 43 

** never found in any great degree without the other. One 
** fole fpecies of joy rfbaped tl^ fatal tye, to-wit, Thp pka^ 
^' fures rf the underjiandingj or contemplative delight. She 
** alone ftretched faerfelf beyond the extremity of pain, 
** and leaving all her lifter pleafures to wander with her 
*• grievous aflbciate on the fides of mount Olympus (where 
** the clear (ky is oft o'ercaft) fhe mounted to the top, 
* where fhe bafks ferene in ambient light, ever-ftreaming 
in perpetual day." 



S( 



FROM THE ALPS. APOEM. 
By George Keate, Efq; 1763. 

F.R other views chill Winter's hand di^lays. 
When o*er the plains and o'er the rocks, hefpreads 
His hoary mantle; when the thick'ning air 
Defcends in feathered flakes, each profpe<5t now 
Ho\^ wild, how fhapelefs! Streams which ufed to flow 
With hafty currents, lazy creep beneath 
Th' incupibent fnow. The tall fir's loaded ^branches, 
Waves like the ofbich plume ; the fleecy fhowV 
WhirPdin it's falling, forms unreal hills. 
And faithlefs levels. Cautious be his fteps 
Who thro' thefe regions journies while they wear 
Their cold and dreary afpedl:, left the beam 
Of an air-kindled vapour, fbreamiag low 
It's lucid exhalation, (hould mifleaa 
The traveller night-wandering, like fome ftar 
That bright above the ardic circle yields 
A ffecming .friendly ray, but only ferves 

To light the frozen pilot to his fate. 

Nor let him unadvifed the floping fide / 
Of the fleep mountain climb, left n-om above 
The fnowy .piles o'erwhelm him ; * frequent now 
From parts remote their fallen founds is heard 
Striking the ftartled ear : By eddying Winds 

G 2 Or 

* This ball or mafs of fnow,, is called the Avalanche; it 
is. frequently of a prodigious fize, and rolls from the Alps in 
mirucular feafons, rendering the pafFage very dangerous. Hi« 
Jb9rians who have written of thefe countries, mention innume^ 
rabie iaftsuices of ^e ravages and mifchiefs produced by it. 



r 






44 THE POLITE MISCELLANY: on, 

Or agitating founds f, the loofen'd fnow 
Firft mov'd, augmenting Aides, then nodding o*ep 
The headlong fteep, plunges in air, and rolls 
"With one vaft length of ruin to the vale. — 
Aghaft, beneath it, the pale traveller fe^ 
The falling promontory.- — Sees- — and dies ! 
Midft it's fad vidims from the houfe of death 
Let me recall one t^u^, one wretched pair 
It funk untimely to the tomb. The tale 
Tve heard from fhepherds, as they pointed out 
The fpot their ftory noted, and l^ave dropt 
For haplefs love a fympathizing tear. 

In a lone vale wafh'd by th' impetuous Arve, 
Beneath the fhade it's tallcil mountain threw, 
Matilda dwelt, the fole remaining hope 
Of old Alberto, whofc paternal' farm 
/ Cqver'd with flocks and herds fpread wide around. 
Her's was each blufhing charm, which youth may boaft 
When nature grows profufe ; her's too, each power 
Attended with each ftudious wifh to pleafe. 
Fair as the bloom of May, and mildly fweet 
As the foft gales that with their vernal wings 
fan the firft opening flow'rs. — Each neighb'ring fwain 
Had figh'd and languilfh'd, on the tender bark 
Infcrib'd to the fair^one's name, or to her ear"^ 
"Whifper'd his love, — in vain! — None, none were heard 
Save young Rodolpho, whofe prevailing form 
Had won her to his favour : On his brow 
Sat native comelinefs, and manly fire 
O'er all diffus'd it's luftre. Yet with her 
His gen'rous mind moft fway'd, where fhonc each thought 
That delicacy knows, far more refined 
Than fuits the happy ! — Much he had conversed 
With rev'rend age, and learn'd from thence to prize 
A rural life, lcai*n'd to prefer the peace 
Of his own woods, to the difcordant din 
Of populous cities.— -What but fate could bar 
Their wiihes! — What indeed I — The mom was fix'd 
'^j'o feal their plighted faith, the bridegroom rofe 
With all a bridegroom's tranfport, call'd his friends 
To join the jocund train, and haften forth 

Tq 

f It is the commonly received opii\ion in thefe countries, 
that any fudden agitation of the air, fuch as the firing a gun, 
loud fhouting, kc, will at certain times occafion the Avalanche, 



A COLLECTION OF ESSAYS, &c, 45 

To greet th' espe<aing maid, ftill as he went 

Anticipating fancy's magic hand 

The thoufand raptures drew which youthful brearfs 

Feel at approaching blifs, — -Alas ! How quick 

Treads, woe in pleafure's footfteps ! — Now purfue 

The fated youth, tho' words are fure too weak 

To ijpeak his horror, when nor well-known farm> 

Nor wonted flocks he faw, but in their plate 

A pond'rous mound of Ihow;— — At early dawn 

From the near Alp the cunib'rous ruin fell 

And crufh'd Alberto's roof. — To lend their aid 

Th' a/Tembled villagers were met, and now 

From out the mafs had brought once more to light 

Th' ill-ftarr'd Matilda; lovely ftill !— -For ftill 

A blufh was on her cheek, and her clos'd eye 

Shew'd but as fleep. Around her head Ihe wore 

Her bridal ornaments, deck'd as fhe was 

To wait the nuptial hour. — Ah ! Deck'd in vain. 

The grave thy marriage bed ! — On the fa^ fcene 

Rodolpho gazes, ftands a while aghaft, 

The femblance of deipair ; his fwelling breaft, 

Torn by confliding paffions, from his tongue 

Utt 'ranee witholds. He rolls his haggard eyes 

On all around, as he would alk if e'er 

<jriefs fuch as his were known ; then o'er the dead 

A moment paufing, on her lips imprints 

A thoufand frantic kifles, her cold hand 

With ardour feizes, and in broken founds 

Calls on Matilda's name, — With that laft word 

The flruggling foul a paflage finds, and down 

He fmks in death, pale as the ambient ihow I 

To the Printer, 

«IR, 

T is the miftaken policy of all popifh countries/ that when 
a perfon of condition has a greater number of daughters ' 
than his fortune will allow him to portion off according to their 
rank, to thruft the younger, or the leaft favourite, into a con- 
vent, rather than fuffer the dignity of their family to be de- 
meaned by an inferior marriage. — By the laws of the church, 
it is true, no woman can be compell'd to take the veil ; and 
after the year of probation, the queftion is always afked in 
the moft folemn manner by the bifhop; but when once a 
poor young creature is carried within thofe fatal walls, there 
are fo many infinuations on the one iide, from the abbe& and 

fiftcr- 



I 



f 



4$ THE POLITE MISCELLANY: OR, 

fiftcrhood, and ib many threats on the other from the parents 
and kindred, that few have had the courage to teftify their diflike. 

One of tlicfe intended vi^ms to pride ahfi oftentation, I 
happened to come acquainted with at the grate of the Au- 
guftin monaftery at Paris, behind which fhe frequently ap- 
peared with foine of the nuns, to whom I had been intro- 
duced. — She was extremely pretty, and her age not exceeding 
feventeen, but had an air of dejection in her face which (hewed 
how little fhe was fatisfied with the lot afligned to her. — 
She had, it feems, befidcs a natural averfion to a monaftic life, 
the moft tender attachment to the world in the perfon of a 
young gentleman, by whom, as the fequel will prove, (he wa$ 
no lefs ardently beloved.-— The ftory of their mutual paffion was 
no fecret. — I heard it from as many as had the Icaft acquain- 
tance with cither of them, and every one compaflionatcd the 
cruel and eternal feperation which muft (hortly be between them. 

But of what fervice is pity withoutnthe power of helping? 
The parents of the young lady were inexorable- — Her year of 
novicefhip was now expired, and the fatal day appointed to 
tear her for ever from all her hopes, and every enjoyment of 
life and love, - 

As I had never icen the ceremony of initiation, and had 
been told mmch of it, I was Very defu-ous of being prefent at 
this, and no fooner gave an hint of my inclination, than a 
gentleman -andhis lady, from whom I had received many fignal 
favours, offered to accompany imd place me where no part of 
the folemnity fhould efcapc me. 

Accordingly we went, and had not long attended before wc 
law the intended nun appear, led between her fether and aiio- 
ther grave old gentleman, whp tras the next of kin, and fol- 
lowed by a vaft number of both fexes. — She was habited ex- 
tremely rich; — her head, ftomacher, and the bOTders of her 
gown, fparkled with jewels, and feemed rather the magnificence 
of a bride, than one who was going to be fecluded for ever 
from the world; but my obliging guides informed me this 
was alwa)-s' the cuftom, but that the^inftant of her admiffion, 
file ^yould be dHrobed of all this ftate. 

Tht' iplendor in which fhe appeared, on fb fad an occafion, 
pat me in mind of thqfe beautiful lines, nar. Philips, has put 
iHto the' mouth of Andromache. 

Thus the gay viiSim, with frefli garlamds crown'd, . 

PleasM with the facred fife's enlivening found, 

Through gazing crouds, in iblem flate, proceeds, 
. ' And, drefs'd in fatal pomp, magnificently bleeds. 

For i rhuft own, that without any of thefe tender emotions 
fhe was poirefTcd^of, I look on a monaftic life as a total priva- 
tion 



A .COLLECTION OF ESSAYS, «tc. 47 

tion of allthepurpofes of our being, and that whoever enters 
into it, is as efFedlually buried, as if laid in the grave. 

But as by what I have been told of her, I thought I had 
reafon to guefs at the fituation of her heart, I was beyond 
meafure furprifed to find, inftead of that diftradtion, that me- 
lancholy gloom I expedled in her countenance, a look more 
lively than 1 had ever fecn her put on.— —Her pace ind^d was 
even, and compofed, befitting the folemnity of the proceffion, 
but her eyes darted the moll fpirituous rays, while ihe conti- 
nually kept turning her' head from fide to fide, as 'v^'illing. no 
one of that numerous aflembly fhould be unmarked by her. 
——The Ihort refle<5lion I had time to make on her behaviour, 
rendered me incapable of believing her heart was engaged, at 
leaft fo deeply, as had been reprefented to me; for it did not 
enter into my head, that a perfon of her years, and fo extra- 
vagantly in love, could have either real fortitude enough 
to make the cruel facrifice fhe was about to do, without the 
greateft and moft vifible emotions, or artifice enough to dif- 
guife the anguifti of her foul, were it, in any meafure, pro- 
portionable to what the world imagined. 

As I had been told the form obferved in admitting a young 
nun, I was not a littR impatient to fee how fae would go 
through this laft icene of her part; fhe knocked at the gate 
of the convent, with the intrepidity {he had approacheu it; 
— the bifliop appeared, and afked what was her demand? 
To which it feems fhe fhould have anfwered. To be ad- 
mitted within thefe facred walls, and that heaven will, ac- 
cept my vows of everlafting chaftity. — But fhe had prepared 
a fpeech of a far different nature, and putting one knee to the 
earth, and at the fame time taking hold of the hand of a well- 
made, agreeable, young gentleman, who had prefled rfirough 
the croud till he 'had got clofe to her, *• My lord, faid fhe, I 
demand this gentleman for my hufband, to whom I have 
long fmce been engaged by the moft folemu promifes, and 
from whom death only fhall divide me." 

Never was any conftemation greater than that which ap- 
peared in the faces of all prefent. — The bifhop firowned ; — the' 
father of the young lady, and fome others of her kindred, en- 
deavoured to force her from her lover ; but their hands were 
too clofely locked to be eafily unrivetted, and fix or fcyen gen- 
tlemen, who till now had feemed difinterefted fpe^tors of the 
(hew, but were in the plot, came that inftant up, and each 
laying his hand on his fword, faid. If perfuafion was ineffec- 
tual, they were prepared to- dojuftice to their friend, who was 
betrotlicd to the lady they would compel to be a nun. 

On this, t^he bifhop took the old gentleman afide, and, a? I 

have 



'w '^ 



I 



48 THE POLtTE MlSCfELLANY: tfrf, 

have been fince informed, remwiftrated to him, that as nty- 
convent either would, or could, according to the orders of 
the church, pretend to receive her after this public declaration 
of her pre-€ngagement, the moit prudent way would be to- 
give his confent to what wouW dpubtlefs be conrummated 
without it, perhaps, in a lefs honourable way.— The reft of 
the kindred were afterwards confultcd, and after a fhort whif- 
per among themfelves, they turned to the young lady, who- 
was now encircled by the friends of her lover, and the father 
faid, That thoifgh fhe had taken a llcp fo contrary to his in- 
tentions, and the duty fhe owed him, yet he would no longer 
oppofe her inclinations. — On which, the fame bifhop who. was 
to have received her vows of celibrtcy, performed the ceremony 
of her nuptials, to the infinite fatisfadion of the whole aflcm* 
bly, who could not contain their approbation of the conduct 
both had fliewn, nor knew whether the courage of the bride,* 
or the conftancy and ingenuity of the bridegroom, were moiV 
to be cammended, Your's, &c, 

T'HE POWER OF BEJUrY. 

FICTtON and Truth have boj^ an inftance giveiy 
To prove the pow'r of female charms; 
^dam for them fdregoes his right to Heaven, 

And Paris fets the world in arms. 
Of all the blifs pjann'd for the human race 

An apple was the fataf banc, 
O had they'feen fweet G— — 'k's lovely face! 

They both had done the fame again. 
Spite of th' impending woes that threat mankind. 

What mortal could her charms withftand ? 
Paris to her the apple had refign'd. 

And Adam ta'en it from her hand* 

EPITAPH. 

On a Monument done by Vannost, creeled in the Cathedral 
<^Waterford. 
ro the Memory of Mrs. S US J NNA H MJSO N. 
^'ER this fair fhrinc let not a tear lie fhed 
Till piety and charity are dead. 
Nor let the great and good her lofs deplore, 
Whilfl they purfue the paths (he trod before. 
But fhould her bright example ceafe to fhine, 
Grieve then yc righteous 1 and ye poor ! repine,. 
No oftentatious hand the marble plac'd, 
.1^0 flattering pen the juft encomium traced; 
Such virtues to tranfmit — is only giving 
Fraife to the dead to edify the living. 



o 



i 



A CQHECTION 6f ESSATSg Uc, J^ 

Sept, iS, \^^i•. 
^HQUGH ptany of your Readers think you right in not mei'^ 
' dling lififh the political Squatbbles ivhich no<w shund^ii 
nv^uU, I affure^ youy have heen very' agreeable 'to have had ^m 
Account in your Magazine of the Converfatibn faid to be had 
between the K''" ana Mr, /*---, efpecially as his M—- -V -^»- 
fwerimsfi remarkably ftrikingi Several are, inJtedy not only 
doubtful ahffut the Authenticity of ity but' furfrifed that any 
fucb Matters Jhould be pubUJhed, Others are of Opinion that 
the Headi^ef the^^Parties, orfime of their Friends a¥e eoheerned 
in ity in Qrder to anfmerfeme pasrticult^ Ends. ' The Accoitntin 
the Londc» GteoniclQ ^ Xefterda^h Pofi, nvhich'yauarealjb 
dtfired to infert, is conj enured t9>h publi/hed by thofe lately come 
into the M'^—y* to Jhenx), that eveit.Mr^:P'T'"it neitthej?atrkt 
he pretends ta ie, and that this "may prdbably oblige Mr^ Pf^ 
to appear in Mi o^u Defence^ Tii^ may ^ perhaps ydear up tkefe 
Things i but^h^*mver, it is jevident fr$m many late 'Circun^n*' 
cesp that fuck tsnbounded and exeeffive InJlanceSrOf liberty nvere 
never known, yCven in this Kingdon^y where it is allowed to txiji 
in a mu'ch))hi>tf Degree than in any dther Pari of the Worlds 

[■: '.'\"\ ■':\::'' -Toi^yidc. ■' ^ ', . J.T. 

WE^ are ihtich obliged to our Cbrreljpondent for His MnjH 
fntenliottj'^At besides it's being liicbnfment with our plao; 
AVhii^h^ i^ i^pecfelly ip avoid Difeutes, and more dlpecially 
pbKdcal oaeSy yke are n'iit ^uife fo credulous aS topay ahy 
fextraofdin^ regard to affertos Aefely oh Accbunt of tlidr 
If^g lifi firiittr. Indeed we 'have often bitn obflged, itlti<^ . 
kfdiiift "IncllnatioBl, to circtdate >fiat wad ifafpeft^d to fi^ 
%ithc^tmpr6bable or ablftrd, ^ii Ofdfer to gratify the CuHoffty 
i|>f the Public. ■ t'' - '^ 

-:' Btttlnfteadbf the Altercations albout Lord Bute, Mr.Pift 
itA ouf good K----, who appears,, to us, to be ksi ill iifcd b]^ 
Aefe pittended Patriots, a$ hijs \irorthy GrandftthW ofted 
"W^ Vf fom^'dl tbem,^in Cbnjtin^on with bther^vjjio pre^ 
tiitded to be^ of tlie fanac Principles, we haVeiiBfefted'two 
^idu$ Anecdotes : The letter mky ferve as a le^n to al( 
V9ho arey or would be, PlacemectV and the o^er is full as 
fikiiy to be ti-ue as the Accounts of dici fame Nature, now 
InsbliAing. it li{ce>xdfe points out to us what Difficulties aod 
diiafireeable Tt^atment even So^erdg^s meet ^th, from 
Aofe who fliQuld be their Servants, but in Faft wU be Maf- 

VOL.1. H tcrs. 



^ 



.%3fe*v:d'' 



A 



\J0 THEVtOLlTEOivflMlSteAtfY: o*, 

ers, whatever Ptejudice or JU Confequences may befall the 
^ Ppblic on Apcount off tfteh* SqiJabl^ks for Power, Riches of 
Titles/ ^,. . 

WHEN liir, P- — ney, no<^ e. of B--th, .quarre&ed wit^ 
fir R— t W le, afterwards earl of Orford^ and threw 

up his employments at court, in Confequence.of that quarrel, a 
paper-war enfued, which was carried on wi8i great acri- 
mony on both fides, and in the CQurfe of the depute fonjc 
iecrets were difcovered, which moft people thought ought 
not to have been revealed* •. One of the mofttzurious Anec* 
dotes thea .made public^ concerned the reconciliation be- 
tween his .late m — -fty, thenv^iaceof Wales,' a»d the king 
his father. Mr. P— -y "uiRirfei u«i upon hid honour, that 
Mr, W-i-le rold him-of tlMt-r^dnciliation,- and that a bar* 
g^n Was Iftadc for thofe whigs- ^ho had refigqed their em- 
ploy mertts, to be feftdred by degrees. To this Mr. P — y 
replied, tVhoy prdy, is it that fe had dufhdrtty. Ho make this 
bargain? The ^f^A^er^ Was, / have done it with the rhiiiifttyi 
ana if was irijifted on^ that lord Tomjnjhend Jhould know of the 
tranfa6lion.' Neither lord Cow per, t)ie -Speaker, nor any 
other elfe knew it, and therefore we^ hope you will not take it 
cnnfs that it was kept a fecr^t from y&u. Nsf /, faid Mr. 
P— — ; but I think it very odd, thai any one fiauld prefumi 
to take a plenary authority upon hitnfelf;, t o, deal for fuck n^tn* 
hers as wen concerned in an affair jof this conffque^ff, 'Twas 
replied. We have not had our onvn inter efls aione in, y\ew ; ive 
have bargained for fll our. f fiends y I am io he atthe.headpf 
the treafury ; lord Sunderhnd would be the ^fpofercf the fecret 
fejrvice money; but I wouldnotconfent, knowing ih<i$ the chief 
power of ^ a minifter depends on the difpojition rfit, Wekn9f\», 
that you value, nothing of this kind, and fo have, obtained a fee- 
rage for you, — Since you acquaint me, fays Mr. P-^— y, with 
that terms you. have made for liu, what are thofe you have 
made for the prince? To this Mr. W-— Ic ^fwered with a 
fneer, Why he is to go 'to court again, and. will have his 
drums and his guards, and fuchfijie things^; ^^4^^ ^Q^A 
whether the prince \yas to be left regent ag^in, when the 
king went out of England; he anfwered,iVb whyfhoiddhe? 
tie does not deferve if, tVe^ have done too much for hiptj and 
if it were to be done again ^ we wpuld not dofo much* 

Every 



A. GOJI.l.E€TlOHf <m Kg«Ar$, Ac. ^ 

Evcigr one hai beard dFtte^^tMr^^Ldek^^^^^ 
grity of heart was equal to his fine underftaiiding: accom- 
jplifhmenjts that rardy accompatny each other in fo fuperla-- 
tiye a degree. King Williaflihad fo high aii ©pinion of 
his talents, that hel>rdrs'd hutt to gd a^ ^mbaflador for him 
^o onfe of the mod €onfide^a1>ie courts of Europe, which 
he dedfined ibecaufb of his bad ftate of health . He then made 
him one of the lords-commij(Eooer« of trade and plantations, 
jan eftablifliment at that time an- it's infancy. This pofthe^ 
enjoyed many years, and was confidered, in a manner^ as 
the foiil of that iUuftrious body • but at length wh«i he could 
no longer pafs the fummer in London without endan- 
gering his tife, he went and reflgned his commiffion to thie 
/ king, dildaining to hold an emt>loyment of that importance 
without doing the duties of if. » His majefty intreated hinrf 
to continue in it, telling himjiThattho* he could ftay at Lon- 
don but a few weeks, his fervices in that office would yet 
be very neceflary to him ; but he perfiftid in his refehition. 
He formed and execul^ this dcfign "without mentioning a 
word of it to any body whatfoever ; thus avoiding- with a- 
generofity rarely to be founds what others wi>uld have ear* 
neffly fought after; for by .making it known that he wasi 
about to quit that employment which brought hiih iii a' 
thouland pounds a year, he iHTight cafily havef ^t^red into 
a compofition ^vith any new candidate who beiiig befridttdcdT 
with Mr. Lock's inter%eft, mi^ have carried the poft frona 
any other perljxi. ThM he was tafterwirds reproached witk 
for not doing, by one of hisirchlaonsy to ^h^ij-^ iwade 
this reply ; / knew what you tell me very well, but that was 
the very reajbn why I ctmrnunie^U^my dej^ to f^obody. J 
received my ' commijfwn generoujly from the king him/elf and 
to him I refolved to refiore it, that HE might have the plea* 
fure of beftowing it upon fame worthy man. 

C 9 NT EN T, ,^ 

A Pastoral. 

O^R moorlands and mountains, rude, batren^ p^i, bare. 
As wilder*d and weary I roam, 
A genfle young ihepherdefs lees toy ddpair, 
Ahd'leads me o^er lawns to her home. 

; .>vv ... ^H 2" ' Yellow 



W. 






^ THE r FOt IT*) MlJCfli;ijy» Y :> OK, 

tcdlofw; Aeafs^QiQ; rich Gfm bdbcoi^ge Ivd crown'd; 

Gripen ruflies ore Arew'd oa .^:fliK)r, 
Her c^em^t iwect wobdbiiie» crept wantonly roand. 

And -deck'd the fod feats at j)cr door. 
We fatOBcfelves down ma cooling rd|»/l, 
, Frefli fruits I — ^and Ac €<ill'd me the l>eft ; 
V^hUft^ tbrovrn from my guard by fome glances fhe caft, 
^ Love flUy ftoteiftto my ;breaft. 
I tcid my foft wiibcBrr-flie fivctly rcply'd, 

(Ye vufgin% W toiqcj^^wts.diviae) : 
I*ve rich oa^, r pjeded,; ^aad great(QDes deny -d, 
. Yet take iB^; fond ib(q^ei!d»'^*-l'm thine* 
iiec air wasib modeft, her aQ>eA fo meek, 

$0 fimplj^,r«yet f^^eetfWerel^^ 
X jdi^'d thetipe t^ th^t glowl'd Da her cheek. 

And loqk5d the JovM. rtwi iiT my arms. 
Npw jqcund^tc^Hwr vr^ tend:afcw ftiiecp, 

Af^d ii^^-pn th^ bstnHa by the ftream, 
Recjia'd w. hpr b^m Ir^tik into flccp, 

HerIm<^itiU:fofteQSimy^^ ; 

T/oigether ix^ range jetkiheflow-nTing hillt» 

Delighted vodi paftord Vifews, 
Or T(^ on th0 rock whence the ftreandet diftilli, 

An4 11^^ oiit 4ew :thcn!i^ fr^ 
TOrpompH:>r proud titles ib&n£6er did afpitev' - 
. The damfel'^ of bumUeidefcait I 
Tibe (^t^g^f P^d<*y:]3i MwUcknc^ 

And &^ierds have namM her Contents 



jfnfcrifim ^ fie Mmment cf an HVRSE, fy J^Cakr. 

The Monument Ipeaks^ 

NOT, like my brethren, was I bid to tell 
How Damon dy'd, or fair Belinda fell ; 
With curious lies nor 'Squire nor Peer to paint. 
Nor turn departed finner into faint. 
y I, unambitious block of honeft ftonc. 

Let Statefmen, Verfemcn, Knaves, and Lords alc«ie ; 
He, that.ne^er pray'd for wealth, nor ligh'd for ftiew. 
Ne'er turn'd afide from weeping virtue's woe ; 

He, 



I 



ft^y diat ne'er bail'd the ft«ps of pm^ous pride» 
Nor friend depending on his trnth deny*d ; 
HCy that with fefh}on's fops was never led, 
Ve'er ly^ for fame,- not nattcr'd fools for breads 
Ne'er fat with t0iA$ of pow'r inttet. to fqneeze 
All England's vitals out of all degrees t 
He, that was ibciaii generous, and fincefe, 
Pold, temperate, content,* — lies bary*d here. 

Ah! blufh, ye bipeds! fcarce in all your train V 
(Save but the worth your ftowery poets feign) 
Since frailty firft in Eden's groves began, 
Was ever equal excellence in man. 

Then let me long preferve this honeft rhime 
from playful fchool-boy, and perverting time, 
. That paflers.-by Ije tempted ftill to ftay, 
And read, and ferious {hake the head; and fay, 

* To thee, O man, does every creature call: 

* Death, mortals, is afetire on you all»* 



REFLECTION? on COURTSHIP and MARRIAGE. 

Continued from Page 35. 

Sect. . JV. Let our manner cf converfing ivith a miftr^^ 
be void cf fulfome flattery ^ and the ridiculous bonihq/t of 
novels and romance. 

IT was an objeftion, you may remember, made agalnft 
matrimony. That the education of young ladies gave 
fuch a trifling turn to their tempers, and manner of thinking, 
as rendered them unfit fpr the rational pleafures of fociety 
and converfation. 

Allowing this to be true, and in general but too true 
it really is, how prejudicial and fatal muft flattery be to fuch? 
And how compleady muft that foppifli rant called gallantry 
poifbn their underftandings, and tepd to deftroy the pof- 
fibility of infpiring them with fentiments of reafon and good 
fenfe? 

By fuch a proceeding, a man naturally forms a young 
creature for a vain and infipid-companion ; and if, by that 
means he finds majtrimony to be an irkfome and difagree- 
ablc fcene, what wonder, and where does the blame lie ? 

Nodiing 



l-f 'tis- 



1 



54 THE POLITE MISCELLANY: aR, 

Nothing - more naturally carries us beyond onrfelrcp, 
and puffs us up with an over-rating opinion of our own 
merit, Iwells every appearance of delert, fo ftrongly intren- 
-ches our frailties and iHipcrfcftions, that reafon and reflec- 
tion are top mud) enervated to diflodge them; nothing 
more effeftuaDy fpoils our tempers, and corrupts our judg- 
ments, than flattery. It renders* us pofitive in our igno- 
rance, and impatient of contradi£lion. 

Then that high rant of npnfenfe, which many call 
making love, is ufing a woman to fuch intemperate and 
frothy iallies of fancy, fuch romantic and unmeaning expief- 
fions, that fober thought znd plain good fenfe are foreign 
to her tafte; and an entertainmeijt, to which being not 
ufed, fhe has no gout or relifh. 

What an agreeable and pretty fort of a companion, what 
a comfortable wife do we. hereby contrive for ourfelye?? 
And how it^enioufly do we thus Jabqur tp make her a 
pofitive and empty, a conceited and fantaftical fimpleton? 
Thus formed, we foon come to defpife her, and curfe 
our marriage. 

But fome fay, diis is the moll certain and expeditious 
way to gain the affeftions of a young lady; and that a 
man would make but a dull and heavy figure in tl^eir eye» 
without it, and find his attacks very unfuccefsful.. 

This may be true with fome; but it is no lefsa mark 
of merit, than a point of great good fortune, to meet with 
thofe who are indifferent to fuch fulfome addrefles. 

But it is far fvjom being fo with all. There are young 
ladies, and many, with whom I am perfuaded a man woulJ^ 
find himfelf, more acceptable and fuccelsful by a contrary" 
method ; And to fuch only fhould every man apply himfelf, 
for the valuable and lafting felicities of a conjugal life. ' 

If we allow a man may make a more fpeedy conqueft 
ty bombaft and flattery; yet whoever, methinks, reflefts 
on the confequences, fliould be convinced, that it mufl: be 
fatal to the future repofe and tranquillity of his life. — Let 
<oxcombs boaft of fuch triumphs, but men of fenfe will ever 
^efpife an^d feun them. 



Sect. V, 



. ( .. . 
Sect. V. ' 'Leimy myfriendi'^n the contrary ^ accujl&m her we 
dejigfi for-'a wife and a- companion to the converjation, of 
fobenreafon and good fenfe ; endeavouring by every probable 
method lb infpire her with the fentiments of a rational 
ejleerh, a genefouf and Jiedfqft friendjbip for Ui. 

HEREBY tve haVe great probability and well-grounded 
expectations of fecuring to ourfelves an agreeable and 
entertaining companion. ' - 

By feafonably introducing into converfation ufeftil fob* 
jefts on human life and chara6ters, by making folid and 
pfaftical refleftions thereon^ and engaging the attention by 
a polite, an eafy and lively manner ; we (hall corteCl and 
ftrengthen the judgment, enlarge the faculties of the mind, 
and raife the foul 'to a free and generous way of thinking* 
drive out and extirpate that childiih, that little narrow-ipi- 
ritM way of thinking, that mean and injudicious diftruft, 
thofe low and pitiful-artifices, and that lurking fort of dun* 
ning, which is too much the chara<fteriftic of many Women, 
is the deteftation of every great niind, and the abhorrence 
of ail ingenuous fpirits. 

There is n6 frieisdfhip or confidence to be had with 
fuch narrow, tricking, low minds t They are an utter pri- 
vation to all focial happinefs ; and when carried into a mar- 
ried life are infuperable obftacles to it's welfare. 

Many proper opportunities may likewife be found for. 
recommending the perufal of elegant and improving book^ \ 
which, by a gctod choice, and a judicious tafte, will have 
a very beneficial effedl on the mind and underftanding. 

But, in all this, great delicacy and a good judgment is 
veryAeflcntial^ to diftinguifti nicely, and to manage with- 
difcretion, arc highly neceffary. We fliould be careful to 
cover our good intentions with fo engaging an artifice, 
as by no means to fhock the paffions ; but render eVery thing 
a' matter rather of choice and tafte dian prefcription. 
. You will not, I am perfuaded^ fo greatly mifapprehend my 
meaning under thefe refledlions, as to ima^ne I am pleading' 
for what is commonly underfto6d by a learned and bookifh 
charafter in a young lady ; , fiich f one as mr. Pope paints 
out, a . 

Wife fool ! with pleafures too refined to pleafe ; 

With too much thinking to have common thought. 

1 am 



f6 THE POLITE MlSQEiLANY: or, 

I am far from defigniag any fuch ridiculoiu txtremes. 
Nothing in nature is, I think, more odious and contempt!* 
ble than a female pedant, a fonxial, a conceited and ^ec* 
ted wit ; whole bnain \s loaded wth a heap of indigefted 
ftufF, and is eternally throwing up h€r coniufed nonfenfe, 
in hard words ill pronounced, jumbled quotations milap- 
plied, and a jargpn of common-places, in order to let yoa 
Jvpow flie is a, woman of reading ; whereby (he convinces 
you fhd has taken a great deal of pains to render hierfelf 
<i fool of the firlt clafs, and of the moft irreclaimable kind. 

The barking of a Gur, is not more grating to the ear, 

than the gibberiih of tlieir impertinent clacks ; and the 

chatter of a pairot infinitely more entertaining. In ftiort, 

« ftich wopen arfe the fcorn of their own, and the dread 

and averfion of our iex. ^ 

But muft thefe jingling pretenders to wit and lenfe exclude 
us from the delightful harmony, the amiable paverfatioo 
of a modeft and unaffefted fair one, in whom a good under- 
(lauding is joined with a good mind ? 

How engaging are the graces of fuch a charafter ! How 
infituatmg are its charms f How imperceptibly does it win 
on the mind ! What a flow of tettdfer fentiments it diflfufcs 
through the heart; calms each rougher paffion; and fwells 
the breaft with thofe exquifite emotions that rife above all 
defcription ! 

Thus to imitate, and, if poflible, to equal this chara^er, 
it is that I would have conyerfation and bpoks tend. And 
I cannot but think, if thus adapted and directed, they would 
have a great efficacy towards it. 

How great a profpeft, and what reafonable hopes of hap- 
pinefs there muft be with fuch a companion, requires furely 
Ao arguments to prove. 

But the truth is, we are either aftuated by other motives 
than a regard to, and defirei of fckrial happinefs; or we are 
hurried through courtfliip by an intemperate and unthink^ 
ing warmth : Hereby our coriverlation is readied cither 
defigning or ridiculous. ' 

Nor is it Jefs neceffary to infpire our miftrefe with the 
jenthnents of a rational tfteem> o£ a ftedfaft and generous 
fiiendfliip. 

[To h continufcL^ 



ifv^ 



A CdLLECTlOl* OF ESSAYS, &c. 57 

iWEFLEpTIONS on COURTSHIP and MARRIAGE. 
^ Continued from Page 56. ' 

it has been already obferved, that love, confidercd merdy 
as a paffiOn, will aaturally bave bat a fliort duration; 
like aU other paffions it is changeable^ tranfieat, and acci- 
dental But mend/hip aad efteem are derived from prin- 
ciples of reaibn and thpu^t; and, when once truly fixed- 
in the mind, are lafting ^curities of an attachment to our 
perifons and fortunes; participate with, and refine all our 
joys ; fympathize with, and blunt the edge of every adverie 
occurrence.---- In vain fhould I endeavour to make an 
eulogium on true friendfhip, in any nleafure equal to its fub* 
lime and exalted value. There is no gpod in life compa* 
rable to it j neither are any, or all of its other enjoyments, 
worth defiring without it. It is the crown to all our feli- 
cities; the glory, and, 1 think, the perfeftion of our na- 
tures. Life is a wildernefs without a friend, and all its 
guilded fcenes but barren and taftelefs. 

Here have I a copious fubjeft, to reflea on the many 
feDe friendflups there are m the world.-- How few rcsd 
and fincerc ones ! — How much talked of, how little meant, 
and lefe underftpod J No generous and difinterefted feel-- 
ings of mind (the eflence of friendfhip) can poffibly dif^ 
play themfelves, whilft mercenary views and felfifh defigns 
are the principles of aftion.— But this is a digreffion. 

However it be in common life, there cannot certainly be 
any fteady or lading happinefs in a married ftate, where ^ 
mutual efteem and friendship of the ftrongeft and no]:>left 
kind doe^ not fubfift. Let it therefore be the lacred bufinefe 
erf" our courtftiip, to cultivate fuch a friendlhip, and on no 
account engage ourfelves in wedlock without it. 

I know of no method more likely to promote and fecure 
It, than by being prepoffefled with it ourfelves. 

There is a fort of attraAive force in fimilar minds, as 
there is in matter 

drdat minds by inftinft to each other turn, r 

Demand aliiaoce, and in ^iendlhip burn. 

Mr, Addifon's Campaign. 

VOL.L I It 



i 



^8 THE ?pJHTR ^fS^ELJLANY,:. or. 

It i\ a common faying, That love begets love. That is^ 
ftpt ^ways truci But where there is any fimilitude , of 
minds, fentiments of friendfliip wili beget friendfhip. 

Let us then take every opportunity^ of teftifying our 
cfteenl and friendfliip j court the qnderftandlng, the princi- 
ples of thought, and condJWte them to our own. 

Hereby Ure IhaJl,- as i^ were, enter into the finil, and 
take poflefflon of all it's powei-s. . This fhould be the ground* 
work'of loVe; this will, be a vital principle to that- ^nd 
make our concern as lafling as 6ur minds are unchangeable. 

This fubjeft (hbuld be pften that of ofiir cpnverlktion ; 
and We fhould' particularly endeav<)ur to fix right and juft 
notions concerning it ^ to infpire i certain greatnefs of mind, 
that fcoms the leaf V falfliood or treachery j which no difbeft 
cian poiiibly fhake, an3 ^hich Tio profperity can ever relax. 
We fhould endeavour to fire the foul (if you ^irill allow me 
the expre/Gon) with a fort dF heroic eiilhufiafm, /sxftach na 
decoys c^ pieafiire, no terrors of pain, fhouid ever beca- 
|)able of extinguifhing ; and rather to dare martyrdom than, 
apoftacy.^ - A.. / . i 

Thus fhoul(i we fortify the principles of friendfhip- ift hei?^ 
We chufe for a wife, and by every pofTible method in our 
power fix the^ root deep In her foul. For unlefs both mind* 
burn with this noble and eflential flame, our happincfs id 
marriage will have but a weak bafis, and a very flender tie i 
every little flurry of humour, every little" blaft of adverflty- 
WlU go near ta overfet the bark of our felicity; we fliaU at 
bell tofs about without a rudder, and without a compafs. • 

Thus, Sir, I have given you my fentiments-, in the firfl: 
place, on the motives of ihtereft and of paffioh; whidx 
when they become the leading and prevailing ones in our 
matrimoiiial fchemes, whatever other ends we may gain by - 
them, appear to me (ccmfidered as the ruling principles of 
a£lion) fo unlikely to produce the real felicity of that unioilv 
. as rather to be deflrudlive to every focial pieafiire, an4 the. 
eflential foundations dP conjugal tranquillity. 

I have in the next place attempted to lay before .you fticb 
a general plan for our conduft in courtihip, as Willj I ap-^ 
prehend; if iudicioufly and honeftly pnrfued, fix fb reafbn- 
able and probable a profpeft of happincfs in marriage, as to 
render that flate of life by no means unworthy the approba- 
tion and choice o( a wife and thinking man^ 



r~"' 



A COLLECTION OF ES8Al?#, &«,* f^ 

Nor, on exadiinatipn, da I perceive any tiii^jg itt iny 
fcheme too refined, cm- any ways imprafticable; to a man 
that unites^ in himielf a good head with a good heart ; a 
chara&er under which aii improving and gratefiil (experience 
has teftifi.ed you to my acquaintance and meffdfliip. 

Vicious Qiinds and coarfe anderftandings mi^t/ perhaps, 
laugh at thefe things as' diimerical and too nne-fpun for 
jwaftice. Whatever your opinion may be, I reft allured, 
that neither goodifefsof jud^ent nor delicacy of tal^e vrili' 
be wanting to difeft it^ 

You will confider k as the private teftimony of dne friend 
to the requeft of another; The privacy aiid ihdulgence 
therefore of a friendly correfpondence, ^jiJl fecure me from 
any of thofe fevere or ill-natured critieifins, to wliich public 
writers are always expofed> My vanity doigs as little prompt 
me to feek fame in that way as my capacity, unfits me for if. ' 

Be this declaration fufficient. [ :['" ^ 

' I fhall only add, that in my prefent way of thinljiing, whenr 
ever I am inclined to pay my' courtfhip to any lady, it will bci 
very nauch in the way I have mentioned : I i|y, in fome fuch 
manner. , 

If I am unfuccef$ful, I fhall have the confolatioai to think, 
t^ere was not a requifite 'harmohy in our minds and tempers 
for a mutual affeftion ; if fuccefsful, I fliall willingly and 
jpyfuUy build the future hajppinefs of my life on thi§ bafis. 
. : Tam, &c. 



POSTSCRIPT. 

' You may perhaps think me guilty of an omiffion in the 
foregoing refleftions, in having faid nothing with regard to 
thexonfent of parents. 1 ftiall therefore deliver you my 
x>{»nion in relation thereto as concifely as pebble. 

That there is a certain authority lodged in parents over 
their children, and in confequence thereof, a certain obedi- 
eqioe, due from children to their parents,, are truths derived 
from nature, and founded in reaibn, and have had the con* 
currence of all ages and all nations. - - 

Hiftory gives us inftances of this obedience paid to parents 
in fome of the moft illuftrious charafters of antiquity ; and 
even in refpeft of marriage, as you may remember in the 
Wfe^f Cyrus the Greats 

la We 



r 



f 



69 THE POLITE MISCELLANY: o r^ 

Wc have likcwife many paft and living examples, whcro 
the autl^ority of parents over their children in marriage, ha% 
been moft tyrannically and fatally ex.erted^ 

Withput entcriAg into a train of reafomng, I may ven- 
ture to take it for granted. 

That no parental authority that id repugnant to the 
^i£tate$ of reafpn and virtue, or (which is the fame thlng)r 
^e moral happinefe of our natures, is any ways binding 
on children. 

That. to marry without a union of minds, a fympathy 
of afleftions, a mftitual efteem and friendfhip for eadi other, 
is contrary to reafon apd viiitue, the mpral happinefe of oux: 
natures^ * 

It follows therefore, tbat no. parental authority, thus to 
make ourfelves unhappy by marrying, is any ways binding 
oa childr^n^ 

^o marry with a union of minds, ire. being therefore 
agreea.ble to reafon ^nd virtue, ^d tbe moral happinels 
9? our natures; it is evident, that parents have no. autho- 
rity, fomided in truth or nature, to hinder their chil- 
dren from ft) doing. 

Tlpio' thefe propofitions, and the inferences drawn from 
them, arc, I believe, juft and true; yet childrea fhould 
pndoubte^y b^ extremely tender In thwa?:ting the wi^> 
of th?ir parents ; fliould be very careful that their paflions 
do, not blind, or their caprice miflead them ; fhould with 
great calmnefs and impartiality reaft)n with themfelves; 
appeal to their parents with great deference and humility ; 
confult with fonie wife and unbiaffed friends ; defire their 
interpofitipn : In fhort, do every thing in their power to 
conviace and perfuade ; and nothing "but a manifeft and 
cohfcious violation of reafon and their real happlnefs, fhould 
force them to oppofe or difobey the will of their parents ; 
Specially to fuch as have ever behaved kindly, carefully, 
an* friendly to them. They have the greateft authority 
over children that one mortal can have over another. 
- How far it may be our intereft to obey of not* is another 
confideration. What has been faid on the article of mer- 
cenary views, may ferve to determine us. 

I conclude with the lines of an anonymous author. 
Let no du^e threats, no kind intreaties move, 
To give thy perfon where thou canft not love. 

I am> &c, 
[To he continued.'] 



4 COLLECTION OF ESSAYS, &c, 6% 



^n ANECDQTE relative to the late learned Dr. Barro \v%, 

DR. Barrow, the learned divine and -mathematician, la 
king Charles lid's time, was no lefs remarkable for 
{lis natural courage and hufnanity than for the other extra- 
ordinary faculties of his mind, all which, were fuperior to 
inoft men. An inftance of his bravery he gave when upon 
his travels ; for in his pafTage from Leghorn to Conftantino- 
ple, the fhip he ildled in being attacked by an Alger ine pirate, 
during the fight he fo animated the failors both by his words 
_^d Gxamplej that by tlie ftout defence they made the pirate 
was beaten off. Being afked afterwards, why he did not go 
down into the hold and leave the defence of the fhip to 
whom it belong'd ; he replied, X^^ ^^ '^^^ ready at all times 
to die for the prefervation of his liberty ^ and nothing to him • 
(Appeared terrible hut the falling into the hands of infidels. But 
^ bolder and more extraordinary inftance of true, delibeiatc 
and manly courage in dr. Barro^ is the follqwing : He was 
at a gentleman's houfe in the country, if I miftak^ not, in 
Cambridgeftiire, where the neceffaryrhoufe w^s at the end of 
the garden, and confequently at a great diftance from the 
^ room where he lodged; as he was going to it very early, 
even before day, for he was fpafing of fleep, and a very 
early rifer, a fi^ce maftifF, who ufed tp be chained up all 
day and let loojfe at night for the fecurity of the hoiife, 
perceiving a ftjange perfon in the garden at that unfcafon' 
able time,, fet upon him with great fury. The Doftor 
catcbed him by the throat, threw him, and lay upon him i 
^d whilft he kept him down, confidered what he ihould do 
in that exigence; once be had a mind to kill him; but lie 
quite altered this relblution, judging it would be an unjuft 
9^iOQ, for the dog did his duty, and he himfelf ^was in fault ^ 
for rambling out of his lodgings before it was light. At- 
length he called out fo loud that he was heard by fome of^.the 
Jiouie, who came prefently out, andvfreed both the dog and 
the Do&m from dae imminent danger they were both io. 



IMAGI. 



r 



£i THE POLITE MISCELLANY: or, 

IMAOINATION's* Search after HAPPINESS. 
' ' An Allegorical F^ble. 

STRUCK with his charms whom all admire, 
Whofe beauties colder bofoms fire. 

Imagination ventur'd forth. 
To try if Fortune N^'ould difcover 
The Haunts of Happinefs, her lover. 

Nor fear'd the frowns of Wit or Worth : ♦ 
No blame could pn her choice be thrown, 
When once the objeft's name was known. 

To Love's gay temple iirft /he flies. 

And darts around Tier piercing eyes, 

And is my hero here ? fhe cries ; 

^ Perhaps he may,' the god replies: 

* But freely fearch my groves around, 

* Nor think yourfelf confin'd ; 

* His name our echoes all refound, 

* Perhaps his form you'll find* • 
The nymph was pleas'd, her fearch renew'd; 
yhro' egch foft maze her ^ove purfu'd ; 

At evVy turn his naitfc fhe heard. 

And much fhe hop*d, and much fhe fear'd ; 

'Till as fhe ran with rapid force, 
! Fair Delicacy check'd her courie. 

With eye (evere, the lovely maid, 

Blufh'd for her friend, while tihus fhe faid : 
** I neVer thought to fee you here, 
* Without a veil too^ fie, my dear ! 
^ To feek your lover ^! And is this 
' A likely feat for fober BlifsP 
'Believe my words, and quick recede, 
, * No Happinefs lives here indeed. 
. Imagination flood correfted, 
Then fwiftly from her prefence flew 

And foon her wand'ring fleps direfted 
T' Ambition's palace- — now in view : 
Fix'd on a mount of fleep afcent 

The glitt'ring fabric ftood ; 
Thd iway was flipp'ry as fhe went, 

'And wet with human blood : ' ^ Her 



A COLLECTION Of ESSAYS, «. 

tier lover'^ form on high ^w'as placed. 

To ttempt her fteps ak>ng^ 
But when the phaatom (he cmbnic'dy 

, It vanifti'd, and was gone* 
From hence, with trembling haftc, (he Ipcd^ 
And tathc realms of Riches fled, 
Gonfumptive Car^^ and dropfy'd Pride, 
With tinfel*d Splendour, here ftie Ipy'd ;\ 
Dignity, Pomp, and Pow*r /he faw. 
And Fajbion that keeps fook in awe; 
Nor ou^t was wanting-— more, or lel% 
Save what flie fought lor^^Happinefs. 
What has our heroine next to do ? 
Her journey fhe began tp rue, 
For why? we're all at fea again; 

No places now remain, 
To try bur fortune in, 'tis plain ; 
And yet this foolifliy'Iuckleis love 

Would kt her have no reft ; 
Though 'gamft it all (he could (he (bove^ 
Still it would flutter^ in her breaft : 
While thus (he thought, ^and would have (poke. 
Sudden a voice the fllence broke : 

* Come to my cot, defpairing mai4, 

* *Tis mine alone to give you aid; 

* Come to my cot, and live wlt^ me, 
' In unreprcved pleafures free^; 

* Content, that fmooths the bed pf age, 

* Meek Peace, that loves the hermitage, 

* And Contemplation, hoary (age, 

* With me long time have deiga'd to dwell/ 
' And dignify*d my homely ceU; 

* If you fuch company can bear, 

* And will a-while inhabit there, 

* Nor more your fearch renew, 

* Your lover will no longer fly, 

* *TIs his to court when we d^y, 

* And fly when we purfue.' 

The virgin weigh*d and fednd her wi(e, 
•Nor fcom'd to ovm her(elf to blamcy 
But took fair Piety*s adTfice, 
Uncall'd the lover came. 



th€^ 



1 



64 THE POLlTfi MIsCELLANV: •&, 



The following Epilogue was fpoke by Mifs Fannv Wheeler, 
to a very paUte Audience at the Theatre in SH&EwsBuiiY, 
Sept. 12, 1^63. 

YOUNG as I am, iVc often heard It faid 
" Green (houlders fometimes carry a gray head* , 
And that gray hairs, the iign of fober fenfe. 
To wifdom have lio claim, but mere pretence." 
If thus the cafe be full and fairly ilated, 
*My light to fpeak can be no more debated. 

Females of every age* have leave to prattld; 
Why may not I then, like my elders, tattle ? 
Mamma' indeed oft fays, that Tm too young 
To be allowed a privilege of tongue: 
Which meins no more than, "hulh, you little elf; 
" Do you be fileut, I^'ll talk all myfelf." 
And why, I pray ? My tongue, as her's,<is nhnble ; 
And I had rather ufe itj than my thimble: . 
Had ratlier goffip, fpeak a part, or wheedle, 
Than wound my fingers with a filthy needle. , 
A Sempflrep! No! A Princefs let me be. 
In all the pomp and flate of Tragedy : 
A Princefs, with a page, and fweeping tr^, 
A bowl ! A dagger ! And a lover flain ! 
Well t Tho' mamma fhould ftill be for a fchool ; 
She foon fhall find. Til not be made a fool. 
Dear Tragedy invites, and I'll obey ; 
You'll all attend, I hope, to fee me play. 
For I expe(5t to be as loud, and glibber 
Than Pritchardy Bellamy^ or darling Cthher% 
^ If, for the Bufkin you objeft my fize, 
Why, Gar rick's Httle, but has piercing eyes; 

And fo have I :- Good gentlemen,, beware. 

And take my young endeavours to your care ; 
Or, when I reach my teens, attend and tremble; 
I'll cafb fuch lures, cpquet, *nd fo diffemble. 
That you (hall vow, proteft, and fwear in vaia. 
While I, fine lady like, defpife your pain. 

To a young LADY^ck of a Cold. 

IF while dim clouds their lufbe fhade. 
Your charms appear fo bright. 
How ftrong muft fhine^ Oh ! beauteous nosud. 
Their clear meridiaa light? 



I 



^' 



A COtLECrmn Of ESSAYS, kt, ii 

To tEe pRiWTfiR^ . , 

FASHION, the life and foul of gaiety, ^ whom all 
people of tafte have lb peculiar a veneration, is now in 
the zenith of her glory ; and Wanton Fancy, the fountain : 
of all joy, is her neareft and deareft companion. But, alas I 
how can it be fufficiently lamented, that Fafhion fhould be 
obliged quietly to fubmit to thofe glaring infults, which are 
daily and hourly offered to her fair petfonfrom the malevo- 
lent hands of Vanityi Fafhion has a god-like mind ; and 
althoagh fhe has openly and puWickly declared, that ftie 
places her whole delight in pure gentility, and that Ihe WHI 
kbfolutely hold wo connexion whatever v/rthfaiiltry imitatiou^ 

Jet does Vanity, with her brazen front, envipi^s from the 
our of her birth, impudently endeavour to aflume her aii^ 
gait, gefture, attitude and look: And although file be pb- 
vioufly the fcorn of Wisd6m, and the ^rt or Se^se^ yet 
is the wretch fo blind and ignorant, that fhe forcibly purfuc3 
lier follies through the wild mazes of Corruption's flowery 
grove, 'tijl fhe at length inevitably falls down, ^down, into 
^e deep vault of deftruftion. 

It is natural to furmife, mr. iPrintef, that I^was led into 
•this refleftion, from obferving what numbers of our Uprightly 
youthful lafles, and our aged dames, at this prefent writing, 
fender themfelves ridiculous and contemptible^ by aping their 
fiiperiors, ;in infolently afTutriing the reigning favourite mode 
among the ladies. The gay ornamental Bonnet ^ npw in fudi 
general vogue and efte^m with them, you will fee tri^na* 
phantly expanded over the mimic foreheads pf the jadies of 
die millinery y the ladies of the mantua, the ladies of the 
drejftng-roomy the ladies of the dr/b-chut, and the ladies of 
the ivajtnng'tub. 

I am, perhaps, mr. Printer, as happy a man ^s any in 
chriftendom. Thanks tp the liberal hand of Forjtune> I am 
in eafy cu-atrnftances, have got a veiy good wife, and weT 
pafs away our days, I belieye, ^ agreeably and comfortably 
as any people In the world. We liave have a houfe 
in town, and another plcafantly frtuated about twenty 
miles diftant, where we often refide in the fummePr My 
wife being fo good a woman, I indulge her in any thing, 
and every thing. She has one fault, and one fault alone; 
VOL. I. K and 






Ik 



66 THE POLITE MISCELLANY: or, 

and that is, an extravagance and ficklenefs in drefi. It 
happened, Sir, that when thefe bonnets made their firft 
flighty appearance, and began to be fo generally admired, 
bufinefs called us from the country ; and immediately 
upoQ our arrival in town, one of the beft and fineft green 
bonnets was fent for : This was wore, I think, about a week, 
when it grew quite out of favour ; and then a yellow one 
was fent for : Well, this lived in repute but one day ; and 
then a blue one was bought; but this my whimfical fpoufe , 
quickly grew tired of, and threw it afide. Upon our re- 
turn back to our country manilon, which happened very 
fhortly after, upon a Saturday, I recollefted, when half- 
way from town, that I had unluckily omitted to tranfaft 
fome very material bufinefs; we, however, purfued our 
jaunt ; but the next day, Sunday, I was obliged to return, 
in order to feize Monday by the forelock, I came on hprfc- 
back, unattended, and alighted at Lord -— 's, in — - ftreet, 
where I dined; and, in the afternoon walked with Ibme 
of his Lordfhip's family, in the Park ; where. Sir, to my 
great furprife, I beheld three of my maid-fervants, fpien- 
didly arrayed in three of my wife's beft fdk gowns, and 
each with one of her bonnets, pompoufly parading arm-in- 
arm, in aukward afFeflation, up, up, up, and down, down, 
down, the dear delightful Mall. Mrs. Molly, the cook, was 
prefenting, with her delicate hand, a moft curious fnuiF-bpx 
to Mrs. Hanpah the chambermaid, who was giving a defcrip- 
tion to Mrs. Jenny the fcullion, of the infide fineries of the 
Queen's Palace.. After reconnoitring their motions for 
near an hour, with much diverfion, I prefumed to addrefe 
the ladies in the moft polite and complimentary manner 
I poflibly could; but, aksJ they were fo fliy, and fo rude, 
that they would not even return me one fingle compliment, 
but hung their pretty heads, and left me moft precipitately. 
O, Sir! now for the tragic part of my ftory. My cruel, 
'cruel wife, when flie came next to tovm, was abfolutely 
fo bafe, fo vile and wicked, as to difcharge Mrs. Molly, Mrs. 
Hannah, and Mrs. Jenny, from her.fervice. 

I am your humble fervant, 

N N. 

The 



A COLLECTION OF E&SAYS, &c. 6? 



The TWO BUTTERFLIES. 

A F A B L E. 

r 

Recommended to the Perufal of two certain Ladies k 
Manchester. 

GNGE on a Summer's goWen day. 
When Sol diffused his genial ray, 
And nature oflFer'd at his (hrine 
Her incenfe to the pow'r benign, 
A Butterfly, the vaineft thing 
That ever rofe upon the wing, 
Whofe colour Iham'd the Peacock's dye. 
Rich as the rainbow in the fky. 
Ranging the gardens flow'ry pride, 
Perch'd on a gaudy funflow^'s fide. 
A Butterfly of meaner race. 
By chance poffefs'd the neighbouring place. 
Her wings of common ruflet brown, 
A Butterfly of finall renown. 
' The Beauty's bofom fwell'd with pride ; 
Her glowing plumage ftretching wide,. 
She gave her head a tofs or two. 
As Belles are fome times apt to do, ^ 

And thus vAxh infolence befpake 

The creature of a meaner niake. \ 

Hence dowdy, paultry thmg, away. 
You give my wings no rOom to play 5 
Muft fuch as thou pretend to be 
Fit company for flies like me, 
A Butterfly of QuALia-Y ? 
Begone, meai* wretch, go flutter hence 
Your vifits are impertinence. 
When ftrait to check her haughty pride, 
The humbler infeft thus reply'd ; 
Yes — you are handfome, I am plain. 
Yet why fo infolent and vain ? 
Whilft through the garden and the grove 
I unmolefted daili^ rove. 
Your beauty. may htyour undoing. 
Charms have been known to haften ruin^ 
Let not mifguided aflFe<aation 
Defpife a homely poor relation 5 

Ka To 






4t THE rOLiT* HISCELLANY: pHr^ 

To Phoebus you your beauty owe. 
He might have made me beauteous toa. 
But plain and homely I'm content, 
• —May never you your charms relent. 

The Belle who from her esirlielt youth*, 
Had never i^eard a woi'd of truth. 
But compliment^ pf love and duty. 
The flattering homage to her beauty. 
Piqued to the foul with female pridcv 
Swell'd firft, and ilounc'd, and then reply'd;^ 
What ftall fuch wretched vulga^ Cretersy 
Of filthy, horrid, clumfy features, 
Mechanic things, whom po one knowsj^ 
Prefume to reafon and fuppofe ? 
Darefl: thou pretend to preach to me \ 
Phoebus I care not for, nbr thte. 
Then clapp'd hec wings and fled away 
To plan new conqu^efts for the day. 
WhJle Phoebus quke enrag'd to fecj^ 
A creature of fuch vanity. 
Her pi:ide to h^lmbk ao^ ch»aiiKijfe, 
Dire^ts^ a virtuofo's eyee^ 
To where the giddy glitt'ring thifigp,^ 
Was floating cs^'ekf^ o;bi tjht wing;^ 
Ne'er had he feen a finer fly, 
, Her plumage of fo rich a dye ! 
The vfi^ infect wiaeh he fought ; 
He faw, admir'd, purfu'd, and caught. 
What mercy then could beauty win, 
Impal'd upon a murd'rous pin. 
She utter'd. in a dying groaui^ 
This fad, too late, repentant moE»2» 
Why did I, treat, too idly vain. 
Yon honeft: fly with fuch difdain ? 
Her words apiks ! Ar^ all too ti*ue» 
And beauty I have caufe to rue. 
But for thefe fated Spott of mine, 
(Curfe on the colours how they flune !), 
I had, not pin'd, unhappy fly, . 
To iate a virtuofo's. eye. 
With her how gladly would I change. 
That ft ill the garden I might range ; 
But oh ! That happy pow'r's deny'd,, 
Juft is my fate— ihe faid^ aad dy'd> 



r 



J^ COLLECTION OF RSSAY3, to, 69 

la the laft ftruggUng gafp of breatlbt 
4ccuffng beauty of her cteath, ; 
"Whiift laie in her ol^evjU^. degree, 
Unfought, ui>hee4ed, gm^ a^d free, 
The other paft.her eaiy aay^^, 
Provoked no envy, if no praife. 
Ye Butccrrties of human kin4> 
For you the moral is 4erign'd. 

Beauty's inchanting when ally'd 
With modefty, inftead of pride. 
While the coquettilh, fkunting fair, 
Qft finds hep b^utjr but ^ fi^are. 



P.EFI^ECT10N8 on COURTSHIP and MARRIAGE, 
Qontiuued from Page 6q. 

LETTER. II. 
FAVIN(? kid out for ourfelves a general plaa of con-; 



H' 



duft fai ccmrtihip, and confidered it as the foundar 
tion of our happinefs in marriage ; it now remains for us 
to ercft the fupcrftrufturc of our felicity in that flate; 
which we fhall endeavour tq do by tte fpllowing method 
of beh^viqur thcfein* 

Sect. 1. Prerogative and dGminion in marriage are often 
ma$ters of difpute in converfation ; hut rrmre frequently the 
caufes of animofity andnneajinefs to the parties themfelves, 

THE cuftoms of different nations have carried, and 
the fentimcnts of many people ^o carry thefe points, 
much tqo high, ^nd with a fevcrity as unreafonable as( 
unjuftifiable. 

Whatever tyrannic and arbitrary power the laws of 9 
country may give a man over his wife, or fhould they do 
the reverie, there is no fuch kind of dominion derived from 
reafon or nature. 

Marriage, in my fenfe of it, is a certain voluntary and 
^iBtual contraft between the fexes ; the end or defign of 
which is, or fhould be, their joint happinefs. 

It is therefore abfurd and ridiculous to fuppofe or con- 
clude, that either party do thereby confent or bind them- 
ielves over to an iojperious or tyrannical fway. 



70 THE POLITE MISCELLANY: or, 

^ It follows therefore, that maniage does, neither by thfr 
laws of nature nor reafon, give either party a tyrannic arid 
arbitrary power over the other ; and that the exercife of fuch 
a power is contrary tp the will and happinefs of any ratio- . 
nal being ; and muft, in confequence, render a matrimonial 
life uncomfortable and miferable. 

To me there feems no other ftandard of obedience, 
than reafon and prudence. In which 1 am fupported by 
the learned and judicious Mr. Woolafton, who fays, ** I 
" would have them live fo far upon the level, as (according 
" to my conilant lelTon) to be both governed by reafon. 
" If the man's reafon be the ftronger, his knowledge and 
" experience the greater, (as it is commonly fuppofed to be) 
*' the woman will be obliged on that fcore to pay a deference, 
** and fubmit to him *." 

This certainly is to put the affair on a right footing. 

Now, the foregoing obfervations on courtihip prefuppofe, 
and indeed plainly determine, a fuperior degree of know- 
ledge arid underftanding in the man; confequcntly derive 
to him. that deference and fubmiflipn which is afTigned by 
Mr. Woolafton. 

Nature, and the circumftances of human life,-feem indeed 
to defign for man that fuperiority, and to,inveft him with 
a directing power in die more difficult and important- 
affairs of life. 

Where this fuperior capacity is not fixed in the man, 
and that incumbent fubordmation made a rule of conduft 
by the woman, I fhould greatly miflrufl the happinefs of 
their' condition. It mufl certainly, break in upon ourfcheme 
of felicity, which fuppofes the former, and prepares the mofl 
probable means for the latter, by fixing a friendlhip and 
cfteem in the woman, for the mind and underflanding of 
the man. 

This will naturally give a veneration for his fentiments, 
and a perfuafive force to his arguments: For where we 
cfleem, and know we are efleemed, we are eafily won, and 
prone to fubmiffion ; more efpecially where we have a good 
opinion,, and a fort of reverence for the underflanding and 
good fenfe of the perfon who calmly and kindly r^fons 
with us, and who, we are convinced makes our welfare' his 
Tupreme and ruling concern. This, by my fcheme, the 

female 

* Relig* of Nat. delin. p. 1 59. 



A QOLLEGTIOM OF ESSAYS, ace. 71 

fehiale muft of courfe be confcious of before inarrkige ; and 
will be fo after, if we continue in the fame road of friepd- 
ly and affeftionate behaviour to her ; if we ^e tender in op- 
pofmg her inclinations ; if We realbn 'with delicacy, coolnefs, . 
and temper, fupported by a Iblidity and ftrength of judg- 
ment. 

All thic is no lefs the duty, than the prudence of a mar- 
ried manv 

- But if, on the contrary, he is puffed up with extravagant 
and ridiculous notions of his prei'ogative ; fond of fhowing 
and exerting, on every little occafion, a formal and magi*- 
fterial authority, to which little minds are very fubjeft ; no 
wonder, then, if contention and anunofity are often their 
matrimonial entertainment. 

A man of fenfe and bi^eeding will be as it were fuperior, 
without feeming to know it; and fupport his injflueace witk 
fo great a delicacy, that his wife fhall never feem to be his 
•equal, make ufe of a thoufand polite methods even to ele^ 
vate her charafter. What an amipble and engaging fcene 
muft fuch a couple exhibit ! How firm their union I And 
how harmonious their lit es I 

But how often, where courtfhip has been ill managed, and 
marriage worfe direfted, do we fee the reverie of that lovely 
fcene? 

What broils about trifles ! What rude and fllocking ex- 
preffions to each pther ! What impertinent, and filly dit 
putes about prerogatives, till they are in fuch a ferment, as 
to be ready to cuff each other ! In fhort, for want of deli- 
cacy, judgment, and temper, it is the conftant ftruggle of 
their lives, to try, as the vulgar proverb has it. Who fhall 
wear the breeches. 

To conclude, let us, who aim at being truly happy in 
marriage, take the proper fteps in our courtfhip for con- 
vincing them, that we are beft capable of direfting and 
judging in the proper concerns of life; and after, mar- 
riage, ufe the proper methods to afcertain that privilege. 

Sect, II. All litigious ivranglings, and capricious contentions^ 
Jbould be carefully avoided, 

A Little obfervation and refleftion on the common fcencs 
of matrimony, may fupply us with many inftances, to 
fhow how much thefe trivial jarrings fpoil.the harmony, and 
interrupt the felicities of it - What 



X 



7i THt VOtttit MlSCfeLLAJ4Y:/oiLi 

What fermentations 2!bd heats rften atUe frofih breaking 
of china, difordering a room, dinner not being ready at a 
precife hour, and a thoufand other fuch impertinent baga- 
telles? I fliould alft) defire all the train of fretful afpirations^ 
as pjbawl pho! &c, to be dScarded; to ^e up trifles, and 

not carry our difputes on them too far- It would be 

endlefs to enumerate tbefe infignificant caufes of conten^^ 
tion ; my meaning may be eafily conceived from the feVir 
I have mentioned. 

Rut trifling asthefe things may be in thcmfelves, it is too 
notorious they <rften occafion fuch feuds and fhanaefql ani-« 
TOofities amongft married people, as frequently embitter and 
difcompofe many hours of their lives ; and are fometlfties of 
jfo bad a confequence, as to inflame their minds with fuch 
fpleen and diftafte, that irreparable breaches arc thereby 
Opened. 

The reproving each other before company, and fparring 
as it were together, is mighty wrong, and very unpolite. It 
irritates thcmfelves, > and makes their company very uneafy. 

Thefe fort of matrimonial fquabbles put one in mind of 
little venomous infefts they have in the Weft Indies, like 
gnats, who, when they bite, create a great itching, which, 
if much fcratched, raifes an irtflammaticHifo malignant, that 
a leg has been loft by it ; and fometimes mortifitadonS en- 
fue, that have been attended with death. 

Thi' it often fares^with thefe little tumours in matrimony; 
if we fcratch and work thejn up with wrangUngs and ca- 
prieioufnefe they may come to that malignancy, as to cut 
off many of our pleafures, and at laft give a mortal ^ound 
to our felicity. 

Let us therefore determine to fhun thefe whimfical fdttieo, 
and guard ourfelves with prudence and temper, fo as not 
to be furprifed or uiihinged by them; following mr. Pope's 
rule &n another fubjeft : 

At every trifle fcom to take oifFence, 

-It always fliews great pride, or littleienfe *. 

People of low education and mean underftandi|igs con- 
ceive not the unamiaWenefs of thefe nide indifcretlons : They 
rub on through thick and thin, with a mechanical ibrt of 
enjo^ent, infenCble to thofe delicacies which have a ma- 
^terial influence on perfons of good breeding and Superior 
fenfe. * Ef&y on Criticifid. 

[7i be continued J 



A GQJLJLSeTIOlf OF ESSAYS, «cc. Jf 

REFLECTIONS on COURTSHIP and MARRIAGE. 
Cpntittued from Page 'ji. 

Sect. III. JVe Jhauld^ on the contrary y cultivate difpofitiom 
of ncifrocal condefcenfion, and fuch a uniformity in oiff 
femferSy that the pkafvres of one may be the pleafures (f both* 

eOMPLACENCY of mind, an ambition to pleafe each 
Othcr^ and oblige by all the little turns of behaviour, 
that fo frequently will occur to a polite and well-difpofcd 
inclinatlqii, muft have a wondei^ful good efFeft to fupport 
our aJfFeftions, and feoure mutual efteem and friendfhip. 
Minds of a refined cafl have an e^cquifite r^fli for thefe 
Ibothiag and expreffiye marks of teadernefs, aad they .can- 
not fail of -nfieetiug with a moft grateful rec€|)tion. 

We (tiQuld make it our mutual ftudy to render oiirfelves 
agreeable and juniabje by all the innocent arts of invenjio^, 
and every laudable ftratagem of conduftj remembring 
that wife and comprehenfive remark of old JBen Johnfon'5^ 
" That love comes by chance, but is kq)t by art." This 
(hould be wrote with indelible charafters on the memory 
of every married peribn. 

The thought is very wittily cxprefled by the ingenious 
Dr. Swift, in regard to the ladies: "That they lay traps 
" to catch men's hearts, but make n,o cages tg keep them.'* 
. I fnuft add aijather quotation from that valuable autha^ 
laft named, it is fo very a prapos to the fiibjeft we are on« 
L,et prudence. with ^wdroature ftrive, 
Tq Jteep the flame of love alive ; 
T^ea, qome old age whene'er it will, 
Your friendftiip (hall continue ftill : 
Thus ,a mutual, gentle fite, 
3hftll: never but wkh life expire *. 
The IMrieovcrfigbts and.fallics of frailty to which human 
fiature i? ever ' liable, and from which the moft perfeft cha- 
rfi£)4er3 are not exempt, ihould be paiS^d over and die unno-^ 
ticed. 

We lh0uld be ready lo plead in favour of each other in 
fy^c^^ j.nd throw t veil of kindnefs and goodhumoured 
P^ftdcfo^fioft over them, v . 

L Nor 

' ♦ S^rephon and Chhe. 



S.1.J^' 



i 



74 THE POLITE MISC4ELLA14Y: or. 

Nor is it of lefs confequence to our peace and content- 
ment, that there fhould be fuch n uniformity in our tenf- 
pers, that the plea-Zurcs of one may be the pleafures of both. 
- How often do we lee the reverie of this create great Unea- 
fmefs amongft married people ? The huiband delpifes and ri- 
dicules the tafte of his ivife ; fbe aboitimates and cenfures 
his. Indeed but too frequently, both are culpable. Be 
that as it will, it is a bad fign, and gives a ftirewd ijbipicion 
they cannot be very happy with each other. 

Among thofe who have a real efteem and friendfhip for 
one another, th^re will, ftriftly fpea^king, be no feparation 
of pleafures: For tho' one party does jiot aftually fhare in 
the other's pleafures, yet they will in efFeft do it by the 
force of benevolenct, and be pleafed, becaufe the other is 
fo, whether they relifti the particular caufe or not. 

In fuch pleafures as it is proper and prudent for both to 
Qiare, they ftiould, I think, endeavour to unite their taftes. ' 

The more univerfally that people in a married life 
make the pleafures of one become the pleafures of both, 
the more uniform and compleat will their joint happinefs be; 
and this alotte feems to me a very full and fufficient rea- 
Ibn for our regard to the precept laid down. 

Sect. IV, Modejty and Hecency in our conduEl andperfms^ 
both in pubUc dnd in private, Jbould moJlfiriElly he ohferved^ 

I DON'T know any thing in the matSmonial life more 
eflentially nfeceflary towards it's happinefs^ and welfare, 
than a punftual and invariable conformity to this impor- 
tant regulation of our condoft : To the neglcftand counte^- 
afting whereof, I impute more unhappy marriages, than to 
any other fault or folly whatfocver. 

A mind infenfible to the facrec^ charms of unafFefted mo- 
defty, and the elegant pleafures of decency, muft furely 
be loft to every worthy, every noble, and every honourable 
fentiment; muft be brutalized to the greateft degree, and 
We thrown off all that is truly lovely in the human cha-^ 
ra^er. 

There is a certain purity and decorum to be preferved in 
our moft retired pleafures. Even our moft'unobferved bdia- 
viour, fliould carry with it fuch a fpirit of refinement, as, to 

prevent 



) 



4 COhhtqTJiO^ OF ESSAYS/ &c., IS 

inrev^t tfaat vulgar and I3>t(iinous degeneracy, which will 
inifallihly blunt the edge df our joys^ and in the end paU 
our relijfh. . _ 

We ftiould fike\idle behave with a modeft delicacy in 
public. . 

In die really well-bred part of the world, a p-eat ele* 
gancy, and a polifhed neatnefs of copduft, in married peo^ 
pie towards ^ach other, b inviolably preferved. Nothing 
IS 'a more evident mark of a ruftic and coarfe education, 
than a want of this difeernment and polite carriage. 

All frothy tendemefles, and amorous boilings over, are 
infults on, and affronts to company. What entertainment 
is our love, and are our paflions, to people who do not 
feel the one, nor are to gratify the othef ? What a prepof- 
terous regale are our dalliances to fuch ? 

We may put down thefe pooing doves foi!- ill-bred fools, 
and very much fui^A their fincerity and happinels. 

True love, and a well-iettled afieftion, has none of this 
difagreeable froth. It is a fine, pure balfamic, that foftens 
the heart, a|id flows with an imperceptible tide df filent 
and interior movements. 

Let then all thefe doiating and luxurious follies be ba- 
ni/hed from our behaviour ; and in their room be fubfti- 
tuted a decent, a genteel, and eafy carriage towards each 
other. 

Befides all this, a decency and care of our perfons is to 
be added. 

It is fuprifing, though but too common, to fee (amongfl: 
both feces) many, who before marriage were very afliduous 
in the adorning and neatnefs of their perfons, that afterwards 
grow negligent and highly culpable by th^ reverfe. This 
inattention and remiifnefs, I verily believe, is often one of 
the firft and mofl: effeftual methods to cool the afFeftions, 
and eftrange the hearts of many a couple. And herein, ac- 
cording to the moft impartial obfervations I have made, the 
l^ies are moft blameable 

That juft and ufeful' remark of Ben Jdinfon's, and Dean 
Swift's witty laying, which I quoted in a former leftion^ 
are Very applicable here. 

Many more judicious authorities I 'might ^dd, to imprefi 
the great prudence and neceflity of his oeconomy and 
fleaalinefs of peribn and drefs after marriage ; for which 

L 2 the 



^4^. 



i 



7$ THB POtiTii'MrSC^LAt^V: oi, 

the inii&itffl)k Sp^ftatots, Tiifers, andGuardito^^ arrartrodg 
t(thefs great and zeabui patrofis. There is a Letter vof 
the very ingenious Dean Swift's to a new married ^ouhg 
tady, in Which this very Ttiing is ftrongly recommended. 
It has too much of the Dean's ill-natur'd Turn in it, and 
trelts thi Ladleis t^ith an unreafonable contempt.' In other 
fefpe<^.it li Wrote with fo much judgment, goodfenfe, and 
fine ffilnt, -^d fo well adapted to my defign, that I fliall give- 
ydu a copy of it at the clofe. 

To a man of any delicacy, and even moderate neathefs, 
ijothmg certainly is more odious and diftafteful, than a flattcrnly 
arid uncleanly w6!nan. It is en6ugh to quell his ftrongeft 
paiTidns, and damp every fond and tender etnotion. It is 
vaftly 'more fo in a wife, than a ftranger ; for as to iiiere 
pepfon, th.e keepnefs of inclinations is, Ifitppcjfe, generally 
lefs after than before full poffefTion : Therefore a iflovenly 
and uncleanly oiie in a wife, mufl naturally run a great rifle 
&E \v^kenlng, if not extinguifhing defire, 

1 am conviticed, thik want of decency and cleanlinefs is- 
the di'iginal'fburceof many people's unhappinefs in marriage, 

A confjtant care and ftudy to prefcrve the oeconomy and 
fWeetilefs of drefs and perfon, mtift be of ^cat-fervice to 
ftpportiove ahd efteem in wedlock. 

i dbn^t hereby intend or ihean foppery or finery, but that 
peatnefs and cleaniinefs, which neither is nor ought to bfe 
iiftiamed of feeing or^beirig fcen by any Ijody. 

A wifip that is defirous of maintaining herfelf in the affec- 
tioris of a man of fenfe and fpirit, fhouH take as much 
care of the neatnels of her perfon, as if fhe was to be eVery 
day a bride. And whoever neglects this condu^, ^fitjft 
blame themfelves, if their huibands grow cool and indifferent) 
for it has a natural tendency to make a man fo. It debafes 
the charadler of a vMe, and renders her cheap and unloVely, 

Buffer me yet to detain you ^Vith fome extrafts from 
Dean Swift^s pocni, intitled, Strephon and Chloe; whofe 
judicious and Iprightly fentiments will in feme meafurt 
tnake you atnends for the heavinefs of mine. 
[To he continuedJ2 

Un JNECD OTE relative to the Father of the late earl rf 
Pe?nhroke. 

^ H E father to the late earl of Pembroke, who had many 
good qualities, but always perfifted inflexibly in -his own 

opinion^' 



T 



' ( 

A COLLECTION OT ESSAYI^ led. ^ 

TopkiiQft, wKkh as weil «b kiar tondttftiwar cJften^nery iikgulsMl^y 
<thougkt of aii ^Kpedeent to prevent tk« iTmoa(bs»K:a» a::^d eil- 
^ftiiiations of thoft about him; This e1^diei^t was, to feign 
himfelf deaf; and under pretlfittce erf Iwaring very im^rfe^ly, 
he would always form, his anfw«- ndt by what Was rtatty faid 
to him, but what h^ defired to have faid. Atnctog other 
fervants was one who had lived with him from a child, and 
ferved him with 'fidelity and affedion in fereral capacities, till 
at length he became his coachman. This man got an habit 
^f drinking, for which his lady often defired that he might be 
difmilFed. My lord always anAvered, tes indeed^ J^hn is an 
■ixc&tleHt fervant , I fay, replies the lady, that he*s continually 
drunk, and defire he may be turned off. Aye, faid his lord^ 
fhip, he has lived iviih ^ne from a child y and as you fay y a trifle 
t>f nuages JJjould not part us, John, however, one evening, as 
Jhe was driving from Kenlington, overturned his lady in Hyde- 
Park ; fhe was not much hurt, but when fhe came home Ihe 
began to rattle the earl; Here, fays Ihe, is that b'::a(l John 
fo drunk he can fcarce ftand; he has overturned the coacfi, 
and if he is not difcharged may brtok our necks. Aye, iays 
tny lord, // poor John ftck? Alas, I am for ry for him ^ lam 
complaining ifays my lady, that he is drunk and has overturned 
^Ine. Aye, laid my lord, to be fure he has behaved very ivell, 
and /hall have proper advice. My lady, finding it hopelefs to 
l^emcmftrate, went away in a pet ; and my lord having ordered 
John ihto his prefence, addrcffed him very coolly in thefe temw. 
JohHi you. knoiv that J have a regard for you, and as long as 
you behave <weil you fhall always be taken care of in my family ; 
•niy lady tells me you're taken illy and indeed J can fee that you 
i^n hardly flan d ; go to bedy and I <will fee that you have proper 
advice, John being thus difmiifed, 'w^as carried to bed, w^here 
Jby his lordlhip's order, who attended in perfon, a large blifter 
Tiras p©t upon his head, another between his Ihoulders, ^nd 
iijteen ounces of blood were taken from his arm. John found 
feimfelf the next morning in a woful condition, and was fooa 
acquainted with the whole procefs, and the reafons upon 
which it had been commenced. John had no remedy but 
to fubmit, for he would rather have fuffered as mztny more 
l)tiftcrings than have loft his place. My lord fen t very formally 
twice a day to know how he did, and frequently congratulated 
ftiy lady upon John's recovery, whom he directed to be fed 
only with water-gruel, and to have no company but an old 
woman whom he had ordered to attend him as a nurfe, la 
about a week, John haying conftantly fent word that he was 
|rell, pay lord tUought fit to underftand the meflenger, and 

faid, 



^8 THE POLITE MISCELLANY: o R, . 

iaid, He nuas extremely glad to bear that the fever bad quite 
left bhn, and defired to fee bim. When John came in, Well^ 
Jobtij fays he, I'bope this bout is over, Aby my lordy fays 
John, I bumbly ajk your lordfhip^s pardon^ and I promife never 
fo commit t be fame fault Again, Aye^ aye, fays my lord, j^o^ 
fay rigbty no body can prevent Jicknefs^ and if you fhould be 
Jick again 9 Jobn^ I fhall fee it^ tbo* per baps you nuould not 
complain, and I Promife you tbat you fhall al'ways have the fame 
advice artd tbe fame attendance that you bave bad nonv, God 
blefs your lord/hip^ fays John, / bope tbere 'mill he no nded. 
So do I too, fays my lord, but as long as^ou do your duty to fne-t 
Jobn^ I 'will do mine to youy never fear, John then withr 
drew, and fo dreaded the difcip]ine he had fuffered, that he 
never was knovm to be drunk afterwards. 

To the Printer. 

I HAD lately occafion to travel ^e North road, and put- 
ting up at Baldock, myfelf and a fellow traveller, paid a 
vifit to the church-yard. On our entering, we were furprifed 
at feeing a little dog in the ufual attitude of begging, at 
the diflance of about four yards from a feemingly-frefli 
tomb'ftone, gazing with a countenance of lagadty and at- 
tention as if reading the infcription. We viewed him for 
^n minutes, during which Ipace he never took his eyes off 
his objeft, or the leaft notice of us, though we ftood within 
two or three foot of him. On our moving iiearer to him 
he ran away. We perufed (he infcription, and learnt by 
it, that Sarah Goldfmith lay interred there. An inhabitant 
foon after cro/Iing the church-yard, curiofity led me to en- 
quire if he knew any thing remarkable of the perfon who 
lay buried there I (pointing to the ftone) " Yes, Sir, (re- 
pr.-jd the man) remarkable enough, for I believe (he was 
the biggeft woman in the world, ftic weighed eight and 
twenty'^one." I aflced if fhe had a dog when living ? He 
anfwered, " She was fond of a little curfl yelping cur, that 
for two years, the time fince flie died, came! thr^e times a 
day to beg at her grave.!' Philofophers, hiftorians, and 
poets, have in all ages recorded the fidelity of this animal. 
Mv reading affords me not one more remarkable than thff 
inftaAce I now fend you. 

Viator. 

Spoke 



9 



A COLLECTION OF ESSAYS/ &<f. ff 

Spoke extempore at Buxton WfiLts, by the late Dr. 
Byrom, to an Officer who-ftirore much in vinidicatiori of 
the Duke of Cumberlahd's behaviour in Scotland. 

OH ! That the mufe might caD, without offence. 
The gallant foldier back to bis good fenfe: 
His temporal field fo cautious not to lofe, 
So carelefs quite of his eternal foes ! 
Soldier! Sp tender of thy Prince's fame ; 
Why fo profufe of a fupeirior name ? , 
For the King's fake the bru^t of battles bear ? ' 
But for the King of King's fake,— Do not fwear ? 

Two Songs fung at the Mufical Entertainment, &c. given 
at the Queen's Palace, June 6, 1763, in honour of his 
Majefty's Birth-day. 

F I R S T S O N G. 

TO Peace and Love, in courts but feldom feen. 
This fmilirig day has lacred been : 
And may they, here, united reign. 
While winter chills, or fummer warms the plain I 

May She, whofe duty is her joy, 
Still, ftill on tafks of love her hours employ. 

To chear her King, to charm her Friend: 
Or His and Britain's ffope^ with pleafurc tend ! 

That lovely, that unfolding r^, 
^ With care to watch, and cherifli, as he grow4> 
While, with a Motor's foft furprifev 
Siefe^Sy in Him renew'd, his Parent rife ! . 

S E C O N D S O N a 

LET harmony reign, 
And let pleafure abound; 
While in Iparkling champain. 
This Health goes around: 

. The King ! May his birth-day fucceffively fmlle 

With joy on himfdf, and :Oirith peace to his iOe ! . 
. AH-white be his moments, and bear on their wing, 
In the bright^efs^of fummer the foftnefs of fpring ! 

May 



►; THE POLITE MISCELLANY: a*. 

May Shc^ who beftow*d him on Britain this morn^ 
Live Icmgy his oaild fway to applaud and adorn ! 
May each royal gueft that around him is feen, 
Embrace as a Si^er, whom love made his Queen I 

Then let harmony reign, 

Then let pleafure abound; ' 

While in Iparkling champaign 

Thefe wifhcs go round 1 

MORNING. 

THE fprightly Herald of the new-born day. 
Proclaims once more at hand, the morning's bluftl : 
Thrice happy they who view (from forrow free) 
This fcene augyft, beyond defcription fair ! 
Fail, univerfal Lord ! the work is thine. 
Be thine the glory. Parent of all Good. 
Refrefh'd with balmy reft, the feather'd tribe 
Now warble out their ftrains, melodious found. 
And join one univerfal choir, to hail the day. 
The happy plowman now, replete with healtfi, ' 
Prepares to wage a willing war with toil. 
And nature^s claim fupplied, he fallies forth. 
To follow their appointed daily tafk. 
The flock, and herds, free tenants of the field, 
^Now from theu- verdant couch, kind nature's gift 
XJprear their drowly heads ; at hunger's call 
The flowVy beauties of the faireft field 
They crop, and flake their thirft, ah, (happy ftiite !) 
In limpid ftreams, that murmur as they How. 
Now lie lupine, tho' ftreteh'd on beds of down. 
The adopted Tons of riot apd excefs; 
Harrafs'd with dreams from indigeftion bred; 
With nerves unftrung, and ftiH increafing ills. 
They feek for help from medicinal aids : 
Ah ! were they wife, they'd quit the downy couch. 
And catch new vigour from the breath of morn. 
All nature now is cheer'd : With luftr« beams 
Creation. One univerfal fmile appears. 
And all things triumph in thje general joy, 
Brifiol, Sep. ro. R, C. 



v 



r 



A COLLECTION OF ESSAYS, «C/ «i 



^0 the Memory of the late ingenious Dr. B TROM* 

Of gentle manners, and of taftc refin*d. 
He's gone, and only left thofe works behindli 
Which genius fcatters round like Sybil's leaves. 
Or bums, un\n tying ev'n what friendfhip craves. 

Feyr could fo well the happy medium find. 
Where ftcrling wit and native humour join'd ; 
So wifely temp'ring profit and delight, 
. He fcarce took aim^ yet feldom mi&'d the white. 

With pleafure we pcrufe the moral ftrain. 
Where the dumb * fage ne'ei* fails to entertain, ^ 
Varying the fubjeA each returning day. 
From labour'd to diflfufe, from grave to gay. 
But ftill acknowledf^'d for aurllilar wit. 
The nobleft thoughts, the freeft lines he writ, 

Diftinguifh'd here thofe compofitions ftand^ 
And boaS the touches of a mafter's hand ; 
Where Shadow §, like a kind, gopd-natur'd fpright, 
Beckons us on, and ftill eludes the fight. 
Now Colin f ev'ry tender paflSon paints 
And nioves all nature with his artlefs plaints ; 
• Still varied objedls in fucceflion rife. 
Till whole creation feems to fympathize. 
The landfcape widens, and the tints grow warm. 
In vain — While Phebe's abfent nought can charm i 

'Tis nature's art, or elfe the numbers flow 
Spontane^ous. — But fuch varied ftrains of woe. 
Could only to the lift'ning fwatns proclaim. 
To love and to be wretched are the fame. 
Till reafdn and religion both impatt 
Their kindly aid to fortify the heart : 

For this their falutary help he fought. 
And foon difcarding ev'ry trivial thought : 
Too many lines, without sremorfe, deftroy'd ; 
Which, fs^ve himfelf, pleas'd ev'ry judge befidc;. 
Convinced the elegance of Claflic wit. 
No more can be.compar'd to facred writ. 
Than art the lilk- worm's toils can imitate. 
Or to the pencil'd fun, give light and heat. 

M Oh 

* Speilator. § Alludes to the Speilators, ftgn'd John 



Shadov), 

\ Alludes to the Do^or*s Paftoral in tht Spe^atot^ ^which 
ieginfwithy My Time, OyeMufes, &c. 



« 



^ 



Ha tHE POLITE MISCELLANYsoK^ 

Oa FoitBEs's Challenge to Wilkes. 

SAYS Forbes to Wilkes, * Ye are a fcoondref^ 
For ufing my nawteeve lond fo ill ; 
An' I iha* madke you do it reet ; 
Thei^ draw your fword for you fha' fceght.' 
Quoth Wilkes, * Had I with my fword wrotc^ 
Vou ftiould have found I would have fought ; 
/ But, fir, I cannot gads what fighting 
Hath in the leaft to do with writing: 
If I have Scotland's honour gor'd. 
Your pen muft right it not your fword/ 

AN HARD CASE; 

IF P— t accepts, ^th plain he wants a place, 
If he refufes, he flies in the K — 's face ! 
With venal wretches of malicious tongue. 
Or take or leave the Patriot muft be wrong, 

EP 1 GRA M on the tiva contending Par tier, 

BOTH make the public good their plea. 
The end of all their wifhes : 
With half an eye a man may fee. 
Both want the loaves and fifhes. 

EPIGRAM. 

Ftvm Monfi^r St.GELAIS, by Mr. C. DENNIS. 

ONE Day behmd my Lady's Back^^ ' ^ 
My Lord attack'd her Maid, ' 
And ftole a Kifs, which flie repaid. 

And gave him Smack for Smack. 
Pert with fuch Freedoms, pray ftie faid*,. 
Who kifles with the greateft Glee : 

Is it my Lady ? Is it I ? 
Tis you no doubt he made reply. 
Why in good Faith it muft be true, 
Refum'd the wanton Dame; 
. For Tom and John, and Chaplain toa^ 
All fay the fame, 

' . . Fr9m 



I 



-1 



A COLLECTION OF jESSAYS,>:c. 8| 

from a Letter of the Rev, Mr. Elliofs^ of Conne&icuty in Ne^u 
England, to Peter Colfinfon, Efq; who gives jufl Grounds 
to rely on thefplkwing remarkable /Articles. 

A Young perfon of ten years old, complaining of ten of 
her ftomach, at length repeatedly brought up^gravd, 
iome as large as barley-corns, and abundance of a lefler fizc, 
in colour and confiftence the fame of. thofe commonly voided 
by urine, fome white, and fome of ^ reddifh colour. I di- 
refted her to the decoftion of eringo root, which hath 
cffefted a cure. ^ 

Being applied toffor a young man much afflLfted, with an 
ulceration of his lungs, for which balfamics had been ufed 
without the defired iefFe6l, the diftenlpei: ftill increafing, 
and his life being in danger, and I having, in fimilar cafes 
in a lower degree, experienced the good efFefts of vomits, 
and butter-milk, gave him a fmall potion of ipecacuanha, 
every morning for fix days fucceffively, and afterward$ twice 
in a week, and butter-milk in the afternoon. During this 
courfe he mended daily, till he was perfeftly reftored to 
health.. 

I find by experience, that the fcoriae, or fcales of iron, 
whicl^ fall off in hammering the iroii when hot, will anfwcr 
all the intentions of fteel in medicine, whether thte fteel be 
prepared by fufion, corrofion, filing, or levigating ; the fcales, 
reduced to fine powder, operate gently without ficknefs, an(i 
the naedicine is very eafily prepared, 

Jn :ANECrJ>OTE relative to Beau NASH. 

NASH, in a Market Town in the Country, had Occafion 
to employ a Porter about fome Bufinefs, in which he 
blundered egregioufly, and put Nqfh in a paffion, who fcol-* 
ded the Porter feverely : Zounds 1 Sir, fays the Fellow, (una- 
ble to bear bis Reproaches any longer) teli me what you'd 
have, and Til get it you. Then get jne, you Puppy, a greater 
Fool than yourfelf, fays Nafb. Away went the Porter, 
and meeting with the Mayor of the Town, told him, Mr. 
Nqft> was at that Ian, and wanted tp'^peak with him. Nafb^ 
you mufl imagine, was greatly furprifed when his^ Worfhip^ 
tQld vhim the Reafon of his Vifit, and to excufe himfelf, 
M 2 fairly 






84 THE POLITE MISCELLANY: or, 

fairly confefled what pafTed between him and the Poijtcr ; 
upon which the Mayor fet out in a Paffion, and immediately 
wdered the Fellow into the Stocks : As foon as Najh was 
Informed of this, he repfeated thefe Lines in Pope : 
<* Unhappy Wit, like moft miftaken Things, 
** Attones not for the MUchicf that it brings." 
And then he would go and comfort the poor Devil a little. 
When he came to the Place where the Delinquent was con- 
fined, he thus confoled him, Sirrah, fays he, being a poorMan^ 
what Bufinefs have yeu with Wit ? It is an Ingredient which 
the Rich cannot manage but to their Difadvantage ; and turn- 
ing round to one of his Friends, My Lord - — , fays he, has Jb 
much Wit J th^t he n^ver can keep a Guinea in his Pocket : 

and Colonel , becaufe qf his Wit, never could keep a Friend: 

Wit is ever dealing in Difficulties , you fe^ it has brqught this 
Man to the Stocks ^ who, if a Fool, might have been -Mayor of 
the Town, and have fent others here; then giving him a Gui-. 
nea, there Friend, faid he, is fomething for you ; now go Home, 
andjludy Stupidity; That J ivill Mafter, faid the Fellow, /'// 
Jiudy the whole Coi^poration. . 

Tb£ CharaSlers of the prefent Age; Or, Modern Tbeophraflus..^ 

M A u R V s: 

IF an hearty an(i fincere welcome, a generous treatment, 
and every inflance of freedom and hofpitality, can endear 
the behaviour qf a friend, Maurus deferves the higbeft enco- 
miums. 

Nor is his charity to them who cannot return the obligations 
of civility and hoipitality lels, than his openncfs to thofe who 
are his equals. Maurus daily feeds the Poor, relieves*the Op- 
prefled, and comforts thd Friendlefs. 

Such is the natural difpofition of Maurus ; fi4endly with* 
out vanity, and charitable without oftentation. 

Such frankneft and generofity can only be the fruit of a 
large and extended heart, and of paffions warmly dilated 
for the benefit of mankind : And great would be the felicity 
of Maurus, if all his ftrong paffion^ were as well diverted or' 
employed. 

But as, in his generofity, he. is often borne away beyond 
the bounds of moderation and prudence ; fo, in his anger, 
in his aiFe<^l:ions, in his love or hatred, the fame impetuofity 
feizes the cnthufiaftick Maurus, an^d nothing can impede their 
courfe. • Thu§ 



A COLLECTION OF ESSAYS, Sec. 85 

Thus oftentimes one unguarded moment lofes him the 
afFeftion of a friend whom he has long been purchafing by 
his benignity and generofity : Thus to-day he heaps favours, 
and to-morrow curfes, on his dependants : Thus, in one 
moment, he is all love and tendernefs, and the next all fire 
and implacability ; but thefe laft not long, for as his paflions 
cool, his enmities die away. 

So bprns the warm cherifhing fire, communicating to all 
it's vigour and chearfulnefs ; giving fpirits to the cold, anj 
health to the benumbed ; but if fuffercd to break it's bounds, 
and run from it's proper limits, it's benefits are all fprgotten, 
.and ruin and defolation are the efFe6ts of that ftame, \Vhich 
formerly was kindled only for warmth and conveniency, 

Tht affeaing H ISTO RY of JA MES JOHNSON and 
' his Wife. 

JAMES JOHNSON, a perfon of mean birth, married a young 
woman pf the fame ftamp, remarkable for her induftry, 
and had lived with her fo many years, that he had a little fa- 
mily, whofe bread was in a much greater meafure owing to the 
labour of the rnother than to his. It happened that a favou- 
rite child became fick. The father was as. idle as ufual, and 
the attendance fhe beftowed on the fick infant took up fo much 
of thkt time fhe ufed to fpend in labour, that a terrible want 
enfued. The motiher could have borne this well herfelf, but 
the fate of a fick infant perifhing of famine was too much for 
her to bear : After many fruitlefs attempts to borrow, and even 
to beg relief, the anguifh of her heart got the better at once of" 
terror and of confcience, and (he privately took out of the 
houfe of a perfon who had been ufcd to employ her, a fmall 
fum of money out of a large quantity ; and this not withoijit 
the raoft firm fefolution of replacing it from the cfFeds of that 
labour, a double portion of which fhe devoted herfelf to, when 
the child fhould be recovered. 

^The money was miffed : The mother, who had been begging 
there in vain was fufpeftcd, and on fearching their, poor apart - 
mentj, the very pieces miffed from the drawers of the owner 
were found. 

It was in vain that the unhappy woman pleaded her known 
neccffities, the cruel owner of the money was deaf to all re- 
tnonftrances, and fhe was fent to prifbn. Not the horrors of a 
dtingeon could remove the mother's fondnefs from this unhappy 
creature's breafl ; fhe petitioned for leave to have her dying in- 
^t with her to employ her care on; but the poor have f«w 

friends; 



r 



86 THE POI^ITE MISCELLANY: o n^ 

friends; this was denied: The nnhappy little creature was 
i:ommitted to the care of '.the parifh, and fell a facrifice in the 
common manner. 

The hufband, Vi-ho was rather of a thoughtlefs and idle, 
than a villainous difpofition^ was now awaked to thought ; he 
faw his wife often, and always behaved to her with a kindnefs 
more than uliial, but that with a mixture of referve and fecre- 
cy, that ihe could not underftand : In fine, he was prefent at 
the trial, when the proofs appearing too plain to admit of any 
evafion or defence, they were both ftruck with an additional 
and unfpeakable furprize, on finding that a circumftance which 
they had nqj before thought of (which was the forcing a lock 
•in the gettin?^ the money) rendered the crime capital. As foon 
• as this was foimd, tlie hufband, before any thing further was 
done, urged psrmillion to fpeak with his unhappy wife, and 
addreffed her in a whifper in this manner : I have been a villain, 
and though no law reaches ray crime of idlenefs, it is that 
which has occafioned your misfortune ; we have two children 
yet remaining ; I can be of no fervice to them or to the world, 
but you may : Suffer me to take this crime upon myfelf, and let 
me die, who deferve it, not you, who merit the greateft re- 
wards for what is fuppofed a crime in you. ^ 

The dread* of death prevailed with the unhappy woman to 
confent, and the hufband, then addreffing himfelf to the judge, 
faid. You will now fee how little witnefles are to be regarded. 
I alone committed that crime for which you are going to con- 
demn this .innocent woman, and I cannot Tee her fuffer for it. 
He added circumftances, which he had before concerted in his 
mind, and which were fo well laid together, . that tlie very 
witnefles themfelves came over to the opinion; the court '\^as 
convinced, the woman acquitted, and the fentence paffcd on 
him. ^ 

We inftance this as a prpof of the higheft pitch of heroifm, ' 
in a perfon as far from the character of a great man, or hero, 
as any man could be ; and we are happy in an opportunity of 
fnewing the world, that; fuch virtues are often attended with 
circumftances of happinefs that could no way be forefeen. The 
unhappy woman, whofe dread of imminent death had made 
her confent to this a(5t of generofityin her hufband,, at the 
time of her trial, now grew more -weak in her, could not bear 
to think of feeing a hufband die for her offence. Sheconfeffed 
the crime, and divulged the fecret of the converfation, which 
h.id preceded her hufband's taking it upon himfelf. Th^ 
judge, who^ liad not yet left the town, was flruck with an in- 
ftance of a mutual affcdion and generofity in the breads of 

people 



A dOLLfiCTlON' O? ESSAYS, Sec. $% 

people- of this low rank, in b6th fo niudh fuperior to the feareof 
death: He faw the woman in private, and heard her relate^ iji^ 
whole ftorjr, lA confequence of which the reader will not won- 
der that he reprieved both ; and that a life of induftry and 
h'appinefs fucceeded this terrible event in the generous couple. 
' This happened not a great many years ago. 



REFLECTIONS on COURTSHIP and MARRIAGE. 

Continued from Page 80. 

Authorities both old and recent, 

Dlre<^ that women '{hould be decent; ji 

And from their fpoufe each biemifh hioe. 

More than from, all the world befide. 

Unjuftly all our nymphs complain. 

Their empire holds fo fliort a reign j 

Is after marriage loft fb fbon. 

It hardly holds the honey > moon : 

For if* they keep not what they caught^ 

It is entirely their own fault. 

They take pofleffion of the crown, 

And then throw all their weapons down : 

Though, by the politician's fcheme. 

Whoe'er arrives at power fupreme, 

Thofe arts by which at firft they gain it. 

They ftill muft praftice to maintain it. 
To- cooolude, let us at all times avoid every thing that 
is really uncomely; and let not our familiarities run into 
the extremes of a vulgar rudenefs, and an unpolke behaviour ; 
but be as far remov^ from a ftifF formality, as an irregular 
loofenefs of conduft. 

Thus we ftiallfupport that dignity in our own diarafters, 
and that refpeft for each other, as will derivcrto us both ho-- 
nqur and happihefs. , 

Sect. V. Each perfm Jbould be fo duly attentive to their 
refpeSlive province cf management ^Os to condudi it with the 
lOmq/t prudence arid difcretion in their power. 

MARRIAGE, or an union of thefexed, though it bei» 
itfelf one of the fmalleft fbdeties, is the original foun- 
tifin frodi whence the greateft and moft extenfive govern- 
ments haVe derived their beings. ^ It 



t» THE POLlTE MISCELLANY: dR, 

It is a jnonarchial one, having re^n for its legiflator an<t 
pri6ce ; an dnthority more noble and fublime than any other 
ftatfe can boaft of. ^ 

This maxim, which reaches all governments and fbcieties, 
is not lefs relative to the ixiatrimonial one; to wit, That 
the good of the whole is maintained by a harmony and cor- 
re{{>ondence of its feveral parts to their refpeftive ends^and 
relations* 

From this comparifon many demonftrative arguments 
might be drawn, to illuflrate and inforce what has been ad** 
vai^ced in the fiift letter of this parr. 

We juft now obfervcd, that the well-being of marriage, 
as of all oth« focieties, arole from harmony and correfpon- 
dencfe of its feveral parts to their refpeftive ends and rela- 
tions. 

This fundamental truth has been hitherto confidered 
chiefly as it relates to the internal charadters of married 
perfons. We fhall now apply it to thofe practical ones which 
arife from the managemeat of interefl or fortune, and what 
is called houfewlfery. - . 

' That part of management which belongs to the preferving 
our intereft, or improving our fortune, ufually falls, and very 
properly, on the man. And it is unqueftionably incumb«it 
on him, if he be a man of eftate, and independent on any 
bufinefs, to regulate his equipage, his priavte and family 
expences, according to the income of his fortune : And it is 
certainly a point of prudence, not to live quite up to that ; 
but to lay up a fund, to which he may have recourfe in any 
of thofe advcrfe occurrences to which the.moft exalted fta- 
tions arc liable ; as alfo to provide for younger children, 
which he has, or may have. He Ihould not confide too much 
in ftewards or agents, but infpeft his property fo -much at 
leaft, as to be able to judge of their conduft- — He fliould 
not be indolently content with tht formal delivery of ac- 
compts, but examine them, know why and wherefore he 
pays, and for what he is paid. 

How fatal the contrary to all this has been to many gentle- 
men of fortune, and their families, is fo unhappily attefted 
"by many tragical examples, as fhould I think, be prevailing 
arguments to inforce what has been faid. 

. ' -^ ^;' If 

[Ti te continued.'} 



t 



A COLhtCtiOV Of tiiAY^ tic. i^' 

JtEfLEGTIONS On COURTSHIP and MA&RtACfi* 

' Continued from Pag& 88* 

If bur fortunes ire thrown out in any fcheihcs6f feu^ridsi 
' for improvement our expences and manner of living fhould 
be proportionable to our fund, and profped of fucc^; Andf 
as the latter moft commonly depend on attentictti and pru^ 
dence, ^e fhould conftanly goverp ourfelves by them to the 
t)eft of our ability ; avoid being engaged in any fuch preca- 
rious -fchemes, as by being ab^tive may utterly turn uSi 
As the merchant fay, ^e (hould not venture all on one bottom^ 
i6 as that the comfnon accidents of winds and Weather may 
totally (Ink our fortune^ All our engagemeijits fhould be 
preceded by forethought add difcretion. And in very im- 
port^t ones, it would be but jufl and prudent to inform 
and confult a wife^ whofe intimate concern therein does, I 
think, dem^d it^ She m^y be capable of giving us advice 
diat may be very ferviceible :. It Will at laift prepare her 
to beat with us any unfortunate eonfequences that may at- 
tend us ; and that is a vety good reafon for her being hi- 
formed* 

To conclude, No ridiculous tahity or fooliih ambition 
Ihould fufier the hufband or wife, in their drefe, furniture^ 
or whole way of life, to exceed their income or fortune. 

Their appearance and expences (hould neither degene- 
rate into (brdidnefs, nor run into a wild extravagance. 

That particular ^art of management called houlewifery^ 
belongs to the woman, and we (hall comprife it under thdd 
three dividons: 

A prudent frugality^ , 

Neatnefs, 

And an harmonious oecdnomy^ 

She (hould obferye, in the firfl: jJlaCe, a prudent (rugality. 

By our former doftrine, a wife will have a general no- 
tion of her hu(band*s eircumftances; (hould Aerefore, in 
thofe af&irs wJuch fall under her infpeftion and manage- 
ment, be fo governed by the laid circumflances, as to regu- 
late her hou&old-expences by the juft proportion which his 
fortune vnSL afiprd. 

And as, on the one hand, difcretion muft prevent her from 
running into any Iavi(h extravagances; (b, on the other^ 

N (houl4 



I 



1 



^6 tHE POClfE MfSCELXAMY: 6 %j 

ftiould a generous temper make her fcorn any thing that i^ 
mean and pitiful. It is the happy and judicious mediuAi 
between thefe two extreAies, that conftitutes a prudent fru- 
gality, and the true excellency of houfewifery. 

It is one of the moft amiable lights ^ wife can fhow her- 
fclf m Xo public obfervation. It throws a glory round her, 
which is not lefs to be reverenced than admired; does ho- 
Ijour to her hufbarid, and renders the entertainment of her 
mxdis elegant and pleafmg. For as an imprudent often ta- 
tion gives pain an^ ridicule, fo any thing meanly penurious 
raifes indignation and contempt. 

Women often want judgment to direft, and fouls to exe- 
cute tWs ikilful and lovely medium of prudent frugality, 
and thereby are either profufe or fcandaloully narrow. 

It is therefore a lefTon highly necefT^y for them to learn, . 
that all vanity and ambition of exceeding their circumftan* 
ces in this part of houfewifery is very ridiculous, and, with 
all people of good fenfe, creates pity for their fiUy extrava- 
gance, and contempt of their weak underftandings ; 

And, on the other hand, that every thing which is nig- 
gardly and ftingy, or beneath what may jaitly be afforded, 
is the mark of a little, grovelling, dirty foul, and expofes 
us to the jefts and laughter of all obfervers.-— Tfie next 
thing is, 

Neatnefs and cleanlinefe. 

How neccfTary this is to the comfort and enjoyment of 
life, and how deteftable a fluttifh, nafty management muft 
be, are things fo very obvious, that littte need be faid to en- 
force it. But I muft juft mention one or two faults in the 
execution of this part of houfewifery, which many women 
are guilty of, and that I would JiaVe avoided in our fcheme. 

The dtie is, the ilt timing of cleanlinefs and the carrying 
it to fuch extremes, that a man's houfe k made an uneafy, 
and almoft ufelefs habitation to him. Some women have 
fuch amphibious difpofitions, that one would think they chpfe 
to be half of their lives in water : there is fuch. a clattei; of 
pails and brufhes, fuch innundations in every room, that a 
man cannot find a dry place for the fole of his foot : So that 
what would tend to make a man's houfe an agreeable and 
wholfome dwelling, * becomes fo clangero^s and unpleafa^t, 
tliat the defire of health- and peace drives him out of it. 
And thefe overflowings of neatnefs are often fo ill timed, that 

a man'^ 



r 



A eOLLECTION OP ESSAYS, &c. 91 

a maft's bufinefe is interrupted, and his meals made uncom- 
fortable by ^ then?. Thefe wives have generally a great fund 
of ill-nature, or a fmall one of good fenfe. 

Another fault is, that bigotry and paffion for neatnefs, 
which mak^s a 'woman fretful and uneafy at every accidajtal 
pr unavoidable fpecfe of dirt, or the leaft difordering of her 
fiirniture. ' 'You ihuft rub your (hoes till the bottoms of your 
feet ire ^Imoft fore, before you are permitted to enter a 
r6om. Thcii fi)rmaBy honfenfital exl^iprtations and imperti- 
nent quei3:i6ns*are prj:^red, th^t one might ejiter a giarri- 
fon-town in war-tiiiie.with Lefs ado; fuch as. Pray doia't 
meddle with, ilat, and, Pfay don't put this out of its j?lace> 
that one wp^ld think there was a fpell on all the furniture, cxt 
^ -mai^ Tya$ going to run away with part of it. 
- Tfede are all idle and childifti extremes. A prudent 
hpufewife fhould foi time her. neatnefs and cleanlinefs, that it 
may be as little inconvenient and troublefome to a man as pof^ 
fible, and fup5!>ort it with a graceful eafe, and a good-natured 
Ibrt of indifference. The contrary has more of thefervant- 
maid' than 'thfe welirbred woman in it, and generally accom- 
pianles .a lo's^^and mean education. 

' The third thing In dife charafter of a good houfewife, is 
an harmonious joeconomy . ■ - 

By which is'ifieant, the maintaining order, peace, aiid tran- 
quiility in her lioufe ; avoiding all noify and turbulent fcold- 
ing, for which many pretended houfewives are greatly blame- 
able, make their huibands, their owa, and their fervalits lives, 
uneafy. 

Many ladies are apt to miftake this buftling and vociferous 

^to for good management. It is a great miftake, and ra- 

d|^ (hows a want of (kill and temper. 

;^^^5Vbere the miftrefs of a family underftands her bufinefs, 

v^prids her authority with refolution, and at the fame time 

-PRMth good-nature and humanity, fervants will naturally be 

iribedient and diligent. 

""But where ignorance is joined with a tyrannic and info- 
lent temper, there are generally blunders and remifTnefe in 
felrants,* hatred of their mi(b*efs, a conftant din and conten- 
tion between them. A man had better live in a paper-mill, 
or a fi(h woman's ftall, than in fiich a houfc. 

N 2 Thrfe 

[^To be continued^} 



r" : 



f 



9t THE POLITE MISCELLANY; o«, 

4tl ANECDOTE on a Lad/i atumpiing to fcJuce •<» 
married Man. 

M^. BROWN, formerly a £|ce-paint6r in Holboni,^ was 
one day walking in St. Jaines's Pari:, and iiappexiied to 

■ pleafe tlie eye of a fine lady> who finding but Us profeffion, 
lent for him the next morning to take her pi^lure. H? tbim4 
Xht lady alone, who made feveral amorous stdvances. Charm'd 
vith her beauty, but a little fliocked at her behaviour, he re- 
turned home, c^U^d his little family abqut Jiim, took his wife 
upon his lapi and fell into difcourfe upon the amiablenefs of 
rirtue, the charms pf modcfty* and the tranfports. which at- 
tend virtuoiis love^. Soon after the lady fent for htm again : 
He went, but took a littk girl, a gentleman's daughter m the 
neighbourhood* about ten years old, along with him^ pretend- 
ing that he met her ^t the dpor, and being wilKng to fee hcF 
home, hoped the lady would ^cjfe his bringing her up. . She 
^t a fecond tinie, but was mtich out of i^umour. The next 
day the lady fent again;! but he excufed himfelf by pretcoding 
to be fomewhat indifpoied, s^l4 defired the lady io talpe the 
third fitting s^t his own houfe, charging his wife to be pre&at 
|f the lady ihould come. The lady imwed upon his coining 
to her, as ihe had fet apart that afternoon for t^at pimofe, 
and would not be difappointc4 \ but be abfo|utely refulcd tp 
^, and concealing his reafons, went put upoQ other bufincfs^ 
a&r taking a tender leave of his wife, who was that afternoon 
Xo pay a viut. Mr. BrOwi^ returned before (he was dre0ed, but 
imagined (he was gone out, and had i^p fopner got into the 
puter rooni, but fomebody knocl^ a( the door, and up came 

« the lady. Weil^ 5/>, faid fhe, / find lovcy nuhi^h brings me 
herCi frightens: you atuay. Mrs. Browi^, farmed at fo unc^ 
mon a f^utation from a lady to her'hufhand, placed he 
^t the keyhole of the door of the room fhe was di^fiiu{. 
The lady uplnatded his coklfiefs, and wondered what in 
name of beauty was fo frightful in her that he durft not trufi 
himfelf alone with her at her lodgings. Mr. Brown feemingi 
not to underftand her, anfwered only. Will your Ltkdyjhip pleafe 
to Jit P No ! replied fhe with fome warmth ; the pihure ferves 
only for a pretence for heing^ alone nuiih you ; love* is my htji" 
nefiy though you feem to neghfi it. Then rufhinginto his axtns, 
fhe refted on his ihoulders and kifTed him with gr^at eagemefs. 
Upon this, poor mrs. Brown was ready to fall down ; but her 
fears abated when fhe faw with what a fleady rcfdlution he fttll 

4^ept his ground ; and in compliance with the lady, took her 

faintly 




w 



A COLLECT ION OF ESSrAYS. tec. 9f 

feindy In his arms, gave lier two or thr^e^iil^s, a»d without 
fmy feeo^ing emotion, quitted Ji^r, Then jth^ lady bpgan to' 
declare in plaiji terms, how muqh fl^e loved him, and told 
him, (he was of ap honourable family, but wffdded tp a gen- 
- tleman, whom ijQtwitliftanding his unbounded generofity, Ihc 
hated and defpifed ; that many gentlemen of birth and for- 
tune had endeavoured by all poflible m^sans to obtain the fevour 
'^hich fhe then oflFqred him, but that in all her life fhe had 
Jcnown no more than otte man, whom fhe loathed. Here fhe 
tied up her garter, giving Kim an opportunity of ieeing a very 
handfome legv; afterwards pulling put a purfe o£ gold, fhe 
(aid, that was at his fervice if he would ?iccept of it upon the 
cafy terms ftie propofed. This obliged him to an Aver; A^o, 
fnadam; if I am the abjefi^f your Jove ^ (empt pie no farther to 
fwr^ng an innocent and virtuous ^wife, ^Tis not in the power cf 
\. fnoneyy or aught eife the nuorld can give t^ purchafe the fnialleft 
' fhare of my affe&ions from her, •'•Why^ replies the l^ay, your 
' *wife is not handfome. '"Not, fays he, luhen compared to you. : 
_\ 4>ut Jhe has an anger s mind. ,Upon this he called up a gentlc- 
-, , woman who lived below, and faid, he defired fhe would be 
". pleaied to }ook upon the lady's pi«fhire whilft the lady was pre- 
♦, fent, and tell him if he had been fo lucky as to hit upon her 
iikenefs. The lady faw he was determined to difappoin^ her, 
which raifed her refentment to fuch a degree, that,. at length, 
fhe rufhe4 out of the room like a fury. Mr. Brown prefently 
after went out, without difcovering that his wife had been all 
the whil^ ill the inner room. She too went out. to pay her 
vifit J but, fays fhe, when I got home in the evenijig, I nei- 
l^her knew what to do with him, nor how to contain myfelf. 
fjowever, I Ipfled him, and cried moft heartily. 

& An Epistle to 3 remote Friend, 

i#'A Long fmce retired from Bofinefs. 

xtc< ""^•^'•'•^'^^f Friendjhip is plain, 

Artlefs^ familiar^ confident i and free. South* 

I Hope it won't be termed rude, 
Or incommode thy folitude. 
To afk what is thy preftnt ftate, 
And at the fame time mine relate : 
; -• Rather to me it fhould appear 
v ■ A proof of frieodlhip mofl fmccrq? , 






94 THE POLITE MISCELLANY: o». 

But if thou haft a difFVent thought, 

I'll not commit a fecond fault. 

We out of trade were wretched men. 

Prohibited the ufe pf pen ; ' • 

To be debarred an author's joy, 
'Our little comfort would deftroyr 

Too ftilF to ride, or much to walk, 

Nor may we join the youhgfter's talk; 

They ftile our maxims antique fluff. 

And their's we know is weak enough. 

Sometime? I think all counfel vain. 

For who a profelyte can gain ? 

Moft con tradiftj' and who approve 

Purfue the old tracks of felf-lovc. 

Ne'er praftice what tbey truth may call, 
' Juft nod affent, and that is all. 

Tho' this, alas! is oft the cafe, • 

Yet Truth muft fhew'her comely face, 

Regardlefs of mankind's abufe, 

That aH may be without excufe. 

Age has but few delights to tafte, 

Y«t confcious goodnefs is a feaft; 

Refleftion on a life well fpent 

Bids fairefl here for true content: 

But yet fome clouds will intervene. 

And difcompofe the brighteft fcene. 

Let's be refign'd, with patience bear 

Ills we can't mlend by all our care. 

How is thy health, do thy cheeks glow ? 

Thy blood and fplrits freely flow? 

Do'ft feel nQ rack from gout or flone f 

And haft thy ftomach in due tone ? 

Do'ft recreate thy mind with views. 

With pamphlets, magazines, reviews? 

Or drink down politicks moft hearty i 

'If fo, 1 afk, pray of which party ; 

Tories or Whigs, In's or Out*«? 

Who deal in fcandal, fcofis, and flouts ; 

ExCjBed the truth in each relation, 

And in a ferment throw the natiqn. 

Art thou elate with Hogarth's print; 

Or can'ft thou fee but little in't ? 



Do'ft 



k 



ACOLLEdTlOM OF gSI^AYS, &ei"^ ^ 

bb'ft rea^d with ^apt^^e Churchill's latke i ^ . - 
Or'thiaVthe wit fpoily by ill-nature? 
Can'ft thou approve of W--— s's rage. 
Who wid^ malevolence fills his page ? 
Can he who writes but to inflame, 
Deferve a Patriot's hoHour'd name ? ^ : . 
Call off thy mind from thofe debates, J v. 

Which rancour and ill-will aea|:es : - 

The, moderate man, my Mufe lalutes ; 
The moderate man ne'er perfecutes; 
Isthe beft fubj^ft, the beft Briton, 
Aiid the beft friend a man can, hit on. 
' 111 not enquire into thy dietj ^ 

But judge thou'rt temp'rate, cool, and quiet; 
^BxT^ is punifh'd here in kind. 
It tears the body, hurts the mind : 
And who indulge it, 'tis confefs'djj 
Harbour a viper in the breaft. 

I hope thy Spoufe is hail and well : 
How on her virtues could I dwell ! \ 

But words fall fhort to fet her forth; 
iThou by experience know'ft her wordi ; . 
A friend, in every inftance try'd, y 

In youth and age a graceful bride. 
This blifs awakes a ivo'e of .mine ; 
But, ah! 'tis fruitlefs to repine. 

How many grandchildren haft got ? 
Are they all well, or are they not ? 
Perhaps e're a few years expire 
Thou may'ft become a great grandfire. 
And fo attain old Gideon's glory. 
To hzvtfeventy fons* run before thee ! 

Haft thou — ^but hold — no more 111 query, 
Left friend and I ftiould both grow weary ; 
Nor choak the road with too much gravel, 
Or kill th' embryo in the travel ; 
Which to avoid, I'll drop the quill. 
And reft thy friend in i^uch good-will. 

? /w^, ^«V. 30. 

PROLOGUE 



i 



^ THE POtlTE MISCELLANY! oft« 

PROLOGUe to PhilasTer, written by George Colnkm, 
now acting at Drury'Lane^ LoNi>dN< 

Spoken by Mr* King^ 

T T 7HILE modern tragedy, by rule ejitaft, 
V V Spins out a thui-wrought fable, aft by aft. 
We dare to bring you one of theft bold plays 
Wrote by rough Englifti wits in former days; 
Beaumont and Fletchet ! Thofe twin ftars, that run 
Their glorious courfe round Shakefpear's golden fun f 
Or when Philafter Hamlet's place fupply'd, 
Or Beffus walk'd the ftage by Faliiaff's fide, 
Their fouls, well pair'd, (hot fire in mingled ray$i 
Their hands together twin'd the fecial biys, 
*Till faftiion drove, in a refining age. 
Virtue from court, and nature from the ftage. 
Then nonfenfe, in heroics, feem*d fublime; 
- Kings rav'd in couplets, and maids figh'd in rhime. ' 
, Next, prim, and trim, and delicate, and chafle, 
A hafli from Greece and France, came modem tafte^ 
Cold are her fons, and fo afraid of dealing 
In rant and fuftian, they ne'er rife to feelitig. 
O fay, ye bards of phlegm, fay, where's the name ' 
That can with Fletcher urge a rival claim ? 
Say, where's the poet, train'd in pedant fchools. 
Equal to Sakefpear, who o'erleapt all rules ? 

Thus of our bards we boldly fpeak out mind ? 
A harder tafk, alas, remains behind ; 
To-night, as yet by public eyes unfeen^ 
A raw, unpraftis'd novice fills the fcene. 
Bred in the city, his theatric flar 
Brings him at length on this fide Temple-bat ; 
Smit with the muie^ the ledger he forgot. 
And when be wrote his name he made a bhti 
Him while perplexing hopes and fears embarrafs, 
Skulking (like Hamlet's rat) behind the arras. 
Me a dramatic fellow-feeling draws. 
Without a fee to plead a brother's caufc. 
Genius is rare ; and while our great comptroller, 
No ihore a manager, turns arrant ftroUcr, 
Let new adventures your care engage, : 
And nijirfe the infant faplings of the ftage ! 



f 



A COLLECftON OF ESMY^^^fic. H 

To the PRINTERi . . 

§I.R, . ' , - , ■, ■ \' 

A S maiiy llve^ are dallj lofi by balthlag, and dtkei* dafiid* 
.ZX tks oa the water, 'a method to recover Perfons fo af* 
fefted, if fueh a method pan be found, muft be acknow- 
ledged to be df the higheft iiflportance. 1 fliall not herd 
enter into the phyficai enquiry, wbetl^er drowning be not 
r^^^''^fuppreffwn than, an annihikfion of life, from theconu* 
deration that the organs are all performing their natural fund-* 
tions when the accidents happen, and fufFer, perhaps, not d 
deprivation, but ^ fufpenfion of their vital power; in like 
manner as a piece of dock-^work, when opprefljed by tixrf 
exterior force, may have it's motion fufpended, though not 
deftroyedi The difcuffion of this queftion I leave to the 
confideratidn of thofe, who maintain, that man is little more 
than a machine. What 1 fhajl relate is a plain matter of fafti 
as follows : 

Some time ilnde, an Englifll veflel bping in the river Du- 
oro, at Oporto, a failor accidentally fell overboard^ He 
Continued under water fully half an hour, when being found 
he was immediately ftripped, and rubbed all over with fait, 
-but mcM-e particularly about the Temples, Breqfi, and JointSjt 
This operation was continued for fome time, during whicli 
the patient began to (hew fome fymptoms of life, not the 
leaft appearance of which were to be feen before ; and iq^ 
lefs than four hours, to the great furprizeof everybody, 
he came fo entirely to himfelf, that he was able to walk. 

The experiment was afterwai'ds try'd on dogs and cats, 
M^hich were kept under water for two hours, and then co- 
vered all over with fait, except the noftrils. In a ftiort timd 
they began to breathe, an4 difcharge the opprefling fluff! 
from the mouth, ears, &c. The ftrugglings (bon grey 
ftronger, and in die Ipace of about three or four hours thejf 
all got up and ran away. 

. The above is a real truth, and as fuch is fubmitted, out 
of a due feeling fw thefe calamities of mankind, to the con- 
fido-ation of the public. I know that fome inftances of thp 
like nature, but much more marvellous, have been mentioned 
in the aBs cf Copenhagen. The veracity of them I leave to 
dcpeiicl on the credit of th^ir relators. If any gentlemaa 
doubts this faft,. the means of verifying it tbo often prefent 
thcu^lves. On .fiich oacafions, it is requefted it may not 

© be 



i 



^i tHt POLtTE MISCELLANY: d^R, 

be condemned till trycd ; efpecially as; whether efieAual of 
DOty it is certain it can be attended with no ill confequences. 
lam, Sir, your's, &c. 

NAUTiCUS. 

P. Sf. It is needlefs to defirc, that, if any gentleman' 
tries the experiment, he would be pleafed to communicate' 
the refult of it to the printer of this paper, a$ his own natu- 
ral hum^ity will undotibtedly incline hhn' ttf that. 

ne bumhU Addrefs cf the People of Gteat Britain to his 
Majefiy, 

THIS is a fBarp, yet decent, remonftrance againll the late 
peace as inadequate and infecure. It concludes thus : 
Our next depend^ce, after Providence, is upon your Ma- 
jefty's wifdom and virtue. The urgent neceffity of the times^ 
and your Majefty's goodnefs of heart, make us hope for the 
titmoll exertion of both. The greateft difficulty your Majefty 
and otheir crowned hes^ds labour under is to come at the know* 
ledge of tnith. If Princes couM know xh&Xxi\\hy the truth 'laould 
make them free. * But tiey muft judge of affairs by fuch rcpre- 

• fentations as others make to them : Thefe are ibmetimes made 
' by cunning and deiigmng men, and fometimes by weak ones.^ 
[Dr. Lucas's fermon, on the feventh of November, 1710.3. 
Therefore we pray GOD to endow your Majefty with * Princely 
' wifdom and uhderftanding, with quicknefs and fagacity, 
« that you may know men, and penetrate into affairs, and go- 

♦ vem happily.' [Ibid.] That your Majefty may be bleffed 
with a miniftry* in whofe ability and integrity both your Ma- 
jefty and your people can^ fecurely confide, and eqilal to the* 
arduous VaSk which lies before them; men fearin^COD and 
HATING covETOusNEss : A miuiftry, which France and Spain 
may look upon with fo much awe, as to keep themfelves with- 
in the bounds of honour and juftice; and a miniftry nsjho can 
refiore that umverfal peace and harmony y which not long ago 
was the terror of our enemies, and the joy of all your- Ma- 
jefty's dominions ; but wlwch has been unhappily loft by the 
weak condu^ of men, who have all alohg been loudly com- 
plaining of the want of that confidence in your people, which 
they have never had the prudence to endeavour to ^ain, or 
deferve, by any reafonable means, 

* Reputation and credit, the qmet and fadsfa^cm of men's 

* mmds^ can be rationally built on nothing but experience. 

< This 



\ 



A COLLECTION OF ESSAYS, «cc. ^9 

f This alone can convince any impartial thinking man of thte 
* -ability, integrity, or other virtues of tlipfe, on whom our 
^ affairs depend, both as to the council and execution of them.* 
[Ibid.] All extravagant commendation and praife prior to 
this is out of time, and rather raifes fuipidon than gives con« 
tentr. Aijid all abufive noife and clamour againft the e£[ed of 
this experience upon mois minds, is but making the matter ( 
worfe. As nature itfelf will not allow the effeift to ceaib while 
t^e caufe remains^ it is oat of the power of man to make it 
otherwife ; and all attempts for that purpofe can end in nothing 
better than labour in vain. 

This domeflic peace and ^larmc^y reftosed, wpuld, we are 
perfwaded, give great joy to your Majefty ; it would give great 
joy to your Majefty*s faithful fubjedts ; and feems abfolutely 
neceffary to enable us to make any ufefiil improveinent of wl^ 
the miniftry have thought fit to leave ,in pur hands, and to 
Secure us againft the fatal effe<fts of the future intrigues of our 
avowed enemies. ' ^ 

We humbly rely upon your Majefty 's wifdom, and fatherly 
goodnels, to bring about this glorious event. 

That your Majefty 's reign may be long and proiperous; that> 
all minifterial artifice, impofition, aiid treachery, may be de- 
teded, and fuitahly rewarded, is the fincere prayer of, may it 
pleafe your Majefty, your Majefty*s moft dutiftil and loyaji Sulf- 
je^s, 

Tht People of Great Britain. 

A certain Cure for the Farpy m Horfes. 

TAKE red precipitate^ finely ground in a marble mor* 
tar, two drams ; or of vjhitey three drams ; of Venice 
treacky one ounce ; of diapente powder enough to make it 
ii^to a ball. Keep him warm, and give him water warm. 

^ A Diet Drink after the Ball. 

TAKE of rue, two handf uls ; roots of madder, and (harp 
pointed dock each four ounces • guaiacum wood, afid 
faffaphrafs, of each two ounces : Boil them in four pints of 
(iale beer to three pints; then ftrain it off and give it l«ke 
warm. 

^ Repeat the ball and drink every third pr fourth day for 
three times. 

2 A 



n^- <*^ O? '^' A*J 



% 



IPQ THIS fOLITE MISC£LLANYi or, 

u^RECE|[PT/or a So'iiE Th^oat, or Lumps i/i/^ Throat, 

TO oi>e.no^a of the juice of pounded ncttle-roqt well 
drained, add of rofe water and white wine vinegar, 
each one fpoonful: put them Into a tin iaucepan, over a 
good fire, for about a quarter of an hour, then fet it by to 
cool, and when you mean to ufe it, make it pretty warm, 
and foak a ftrip of flannel in it, then ftrape a little nutmeg 
over the wet flannel and apply it on the outfide of the part 
aiFefted : This you are to repeat twice in 24 hours, when it 
v^ill moft certainly complete the cure. Roll a ftrip of dry 
^anncl qvcr the one applied to the part, 

sir; Duhlin-CaftUy OB, 3, 1763. 

OUR Lord Lieutenant having been handfemdy enter- 
tained at Chefter, in his way to this kingdom, was 
pleafed to expreft himfelf with much fatisfaAion at his recep- 
tion there. In a very few days after his arrival in this Me- 
tropdis, his Excellency received the following lines, which^ 
together with the explanations that accompanied them, arc 
flow tranfmitted to you, by ypur friend and fervant, J. B. 

To his Excellency the Karl of Northumberland^ Viceroy of 

Ireland. 

-r^^r^eget quis carmina CalbF 

ViRG. ECL. X. 

ACCEPT this humble ftram, moft npble lord ! 
From thofe you lately honoured at tjieir bo^d, 
Where we, the elders of the city, found 
Such condefcending worthinefs aboupd ; 
Where mild benevolence fo graced the feaft, j* 

And free politenefs charjh'd each chearful gueft ; ^W 
'Tis your's in every attitude to pleaie, 
Form'd to converfe with dignity and eafe. 

As thro' oiir ancient gates, you pafs'd along, 
Amidft the welcomes of a loyal throng ; • 
We zealoufly concurred, whilft all around, 
With loud acclaim the crouded ftreets refound : 
On your gilt car difplay^d, we then could trace 
The glorious trophies of th' iUuftrious race : 

(i) Cserulean 



A COLLECTION OF ESS AY Si &c. wo% 

(i) Caerulean leo rampant on the fhield^ 
(2) The Lucies bright ereft in azure fi^ : , 

Near rfiefe, the (3) yorc^borne golden fufik (hine, 
And St. Maur's (4) lure-ty'd brings their radiapcie jom j 
Your (5) Efperance en Dieu, we all revere, 
^nd to that hope fubjoin the pious fear, 
.' Short wa§ our bUfi, Hibernia's ftates demand 
Your hafly fteps tpw'rds that impatient land ; 
Our Deva*s left, ere you thofe walls furvey'd. 
Which bravely oft have fierce incurfions ftay'd, 
And curb'd the rugged Cambrian's direful rage, 
Thpfe (6) Caledonians of Earl Percy's age. 

Thro' (7) Guineth's clime, you foon the route purfue. 
Where fcenes diverfify'd engage your view. 
Old Ruthland's towers, and Clowd's verdant vale, 
In diftant ken, the vifual fenfe regale. 
There (8) Royal Edward's Senate whilom fat, 
Enafting wholfome laws, without debate. 
Now (9) Ordovican Hills enormous rife. 
And Snowdon's tow 'ring tops invade the fkics ; 
Next fea-girt (10) Mona's fteep afcents are gain'd, 
Erft, with the natives' blood by Romans ftain'd, 

Herg 

(i) Caftdean Leo. nr arms no*iv born by the Percys are^ 
Qr^ a Lyon rampant ^ Azure, 

(2) The Luciss bright. About the year 1382, all the eftates 
of Anthony lord Lucy luere left to the then earl of Northumber* 
landy on condition that the Percy s.fhould ever aft emnards' bear 
quarterly y luith their Azure Lion, the Lucys^ arms, viz, Gules^ 
3 Lucies (pike-fi/Jj) hauriant. Argent. 

( 3 ) Yore-borne , Antiently (or of yore) the Percys bore Azure ^ 
5 Fufils in Fefs, Or. Which bearings are in feveral ivindowT 
of Tork minfter, and under each is infcribed. Old Percy. 

(4) Lure-ty*d. The paternal coat of St. Mattr (nrtv Sey^* 
mour) is Gules, tnxw ivings conjoined in Lurey Or. 

(5) Efperance en Dieu. The Percys' motto. 

(6) Caledonians and Earl Percy. Alluding to Chevy Chace^ 

(7) Guineth. North Wales. 

(8) Royal Edward. King Ed<ward the firft, in the eleventh 
yar of his reign, held a parliament at Rut bland. 

(9) Ordovican. The Ordovice't inhabited FliniJJ^ire, T>en^. 
highjhire, and CarnarVonJhire. ^ ^ 

(10) Mona. Anglefy. 



IQI THE POLITE MISCELLANYi on, 

Here Britifli Druids had their laft retreat, , 
Hierarchial then, and fince a regal feat ; 
To lateft aeras will endure the name, 
By Tacitus' records confign'd to fame. 

Now gales aufpicious gently waft you o'er. 
And now you tread lerne's joyful ftiore; 
Throughout her realm difcordant tumults ccafe, 
Your rule afllires tranquillity and peace ; 
(ii) Eblana then becomes the happy place. 
And al} will envy the (12) Milefian race. 

Ejjcufe, great Peer ! thde languid lines, receive 
What honeft Plainnefs only has to give : 
With damp'd ideas, and a genius cold, 
(For o'er bis head have many Inftres roll'd) 
A Wight prefumes to fend, in artlefs lays. 
To higheft worth, a tribute of his praife ; 
Ddgn then indulgence, nor a verfe, refufe 
, (You'lPfmile, my Lord!) an Aldermannic mufe. 

DEVANUS. 

(11) fehlana. Dublin. 

(12) Milefian race. The original Irijb derive them/elves 
from MileJtuSi a king ^f Spain, 

From the Oriental Eclogues. 

ECLOGUE I. 

S E L I M; or, the Shepeherd's Moral. 

S C E N E, a Valley near Bagdat. 

TIM E, the Morning. 

YE Perfian maids, attend your poet's lays. 
And hear how fhepherds pafs their golden days. 
>?ot all are bleft whom fortune's hand fuftains 
With wealth in courts, nor all that haunt the plains: 
Well may your hearts believe the truths I tell ; 
'Tis virtue makes the blifs, where'er we dwell. 
Thus Selim fung, by fscred Truth infpir'd; 
Nor praife, but fuch as Truth beflow'd, defir'd : 

Wife 



A COL*LECTiON Ot tSS^Y^^ art. 163 

Wife in himfelf, his meaning fongs eonvey'd 
Informing morals to the fhcpherd maid ; 
Or taught the fwains that fureft blifs to find. 
What groves nor ftreams beftow, a virtuous mind. 

When fweet and blufhing; like a virgin bride, 
, The radiant morn refum'd her orient pride, 
When wanton gales along the valleys play, 
Breathe on each flow'r, and bear their iweets away;' 
By Tigris' wand'ring waves he fate, and fung ^ 
This ufeful leflbn for the fair and yoting. 

' Ye Perfian dames, he faid, to you belong, 
Well may they pleafe, the morals of my fong : 
No fairer maids, 1 truft, than you are found, 
Grac'd with foft arts, the peopled ^^orld around * 
The ftidrri that lights you to your loves fupplics 
Each gentler ray, delicious to your eyes : 
For you thofe flow'rs her fragrant hands beftow, 
And yours the love that kings delight to know. 
Ytt think not thefe, all beauteous as they are. 
The beft kind bleflmgs heav'n can grant the fair ! 
Who truft alone in beauty's feeble ray, 
Boaft but the worth * Balfdra's pearls dilplay ? 
Drawn from the deep we oWn their furface bright. 
But, dark within, they drink no luft'rous Kght : 
Such are the maids, and fuch the charms they boaft, , 
By fenfe i;inaidcd, or to virtue loft. 
Self-flattering fex I YoUr hearts believe in vain 
. That love ftiall blind, when once he fires the fwain;. 
pr hope a lover by yo\ir faults to win. 
As fpots on ermin beautify the fkin : 
Who feeks fecure to fule, be firft her care 
< Each fbfter virtue that adorns the fair ; 
Each tender paffion man delights to find. 
The lov'd perfeftions of a female mind ! 

Bleft were the days, when IVifdom held her reign. 
And ftiepherds fought her on the filent plain; 
With Truth (hf^wedded in the filent grove, 
inimortal Truth, ^i daughters blels'd their love.. 

O hafte, fair mids ! Ye Virtues come away. 
Sweet Peace and Plenty lea4 you on your way I 

*■ fhe gulph tf that namcy famous pMr the fear l-fi/hery. 

The 



id4 tHB POLtte Mi$CELtANY:d4^, 

The balmy Ihrnb, for you fhall lore our fhorc» 
By Ind exceU'd or Araby no more* 

Loft to our fields, for fo the fates orckin, 
The dear oeferters (hall return agaiQ* 
Come thou whofe thoughts as limpid fprbgs are cleaf^ 
To lead the train fweet Modejly appear : 
Here make thy court amidft our rural fcene, 
And (hepherd-girls fhall own thee for their queefi# 
With thee be Chqftity, of all afraid, 
Diftrufting all, a wife, fufpicious maid j 

But man the moft not more the mountain doe 

Holds tlie fwift falcon for her deadly foe: 

Cold is her breaft, like flow'rs that drink the dew^ 

A filkcn veil conceals her from the view. 

No wild dcfires amidft thy train be known,' 

But Faith, whofe heart is fix'd on one alone: 

Defponding Meeknefs with her do\vn-caft eyes. 

And friendly Pity full of tender fighs ; 

And Love the laft: By thefe your hearts approve, 

Thefe are the virtues that muft lead to love. 

Thus fung the fwain ; and antient legends fay. 
The maids of Bagdat verify'd the lay : 
Dear to the plaihs, the Virtues came along, 
The ftiepherds lov'd, and Selim blels*d his fong* 

' Jn AN EC DO TE relative to Sutler, author ofHudibras, 

THE earl of Dorfet having a great defire to Ipend an 
evening as a private gentleman with Mr. Butler, author 
of Hudibras, prevailed with Mr. Fleetwood Shepherd to 
introduce him into his company at a tavern which they ufed, 
. in the charafter only of a common friend ; this being done, 
Mr. Butler, while the firft bottle was drinking, appeared 
very flat and heavy ; at the fecond bottle extremely briflc and 
lively, full of wit and learning, and a nioft pleafant, agreeable 
companion; but before the third bottle* was finiflied, funk 
agdn into fuch ftupidity and dulnefs fflit hardly any body 
could have believ'd him to be the aUthonof a book that aboun- 
ded with fo much wit, learning and plealantry* Ne3j:t morn- 
ing, Mr. Shepherd alk'd his lordfliip's opinion of Mr. Butler, 
who anfwered. He is like a nine-^f little at both ends, but 
great in the midle. 



i 



REFLECTIONS on COURTSHIP and MARRIAGE. 

I 

Continued from Pifge p6. 

Thcfc fcenes are mighty unpleafant, veFy ftiocking, and 
highljr :]Mrejudidal to 'the tranquillity of a married Jife ; are 
fiureffigos of a brutal temper, and a very vulgar education. 

Whereas a woman of judgment, an even mind, iand. a 
polite tafhe, will be obeyed and beloved by her fervant&i 
All things will gd tm fmooth and quiet; her government 
ifnll be imild, cakn, and harmonious; .her faoufe the hal»tsi- 
tkia of peace, joy, and a>ntentment. 

It is a truth, I believe, with very few exceptions, tha| 
agood miilrefs makes good fervants. 

People. of that clafs are not without gratitude and a feniis 
of merit. 

Where ^omen are ever complainmg of their fervants,' 
k carries a flrong fulpiciOQ of their own capacities and 
temper. 

When a miflrds of a houfe is giving orders to fervants, 
lOr talking to them, it is often done in fuch ah imperi- 
oiis,-. bawling manner, that flie isheard from every corner. 
This is very^unpolite ; and ftiowsa little mind,:fo fwelled 
with pofwer, that it is unable tafupport it with decency and 
temper. 

vOn the whoki, a miftrefs of a family ihould carry on her 
adminifkation in a mild and pacific manner ; and if (he ha3 
any difputes with her fervants, conceal them from the cars 
of a huiband and company, as mudi as poiBble; have every 
thing^done quietly and in order. 

.If fervants won't be thus governed, (he fliould difcard 
them at once, and not fuffer her own and her hufbaiidft 
peace to be deflxoyed by their incorrigiblcnefs. 

This will make home comfortable and agreeable; where- 
as the. want of this harmonious ceconomy fours the tem- 
per of a woman, drives a man out of his own houfe, makes 
home "his averfion, and deftroys^that ferenity which is fb 
^Bcy «fential to the felicity of all fociety. 

/sAnd now let ua ftop and furvey a wife thus wifely and diP 
ia»Ktly ifiUing the iphere of adiitm. 
'•* 

P What 



ib6 THIS *OtlTfi MtSCELLA'NY: pt, 

What veneration! What praife! What love andeftcenly 
can fufficiently equal her merit ! 

The charafter of a wife can fcarcely ftiine In a more ex* 
ilted point of light, nor do a more public honour to herfelf 
and ncr hu(band. Whoever poflefles fuch a one^ joy will 
iparkle in hi^ eye, and pleafure fill his breaft. 

Can the flaihy and fuperiicial glare of drels and equipage 
give a tide to fuch folid excellence and fubflantial worth ? 
Pofitively not. The twinkling luftre of a cryflal may aa 
well equal the auguft fplendor of a royal diamond* 

On the whole, each party thus fupporting their refjiedttve 
adminiftraticMi with prudence and difcretion, will fix a^crown 
of triumph on their union, and be a , lading cement to thdr 
tranquillity and happinefs. • ,: 

And now, my friend, your talk of patience is drawing- 10 
aconclufion^ 

Conformable to your requeft, I have thrown before yott 
my private fentiments on the fiibje^t of that afternoon^s de- 
bate, whith you fay threw you into a fort of fcepticilin.-— — » 
Whether my rough thoughts may in any way tend to deter- 
. mine your opinion, I know not. If they give you any amufe- 
ment, to atone for the trouble of reading them, I fhail be 

well pleafed. But if neither one nor the other, you muft 

blame your influen<5e over me for their impertinence. 

For my part, I confefs to think it is poflible for a man of 
fenfc, of honour and virtue, to find a woman, in whofe foci- 
cty he may lay as probable a foundation for the enjoyment 
and happinefs of his life by marriage, and to fuperftrud as 
reafonable a profpeft of continuing lus felicity in that unioOy 
as any other fcheme of life can lay claim to. 

It is a truth as univerfally experienced as owned, that 
no flate of life is exempt from the alternatives of pleafure 
and pain, the bitter and fweet ; and that a pcrfeftion of hap- 
pinefs is not the lot of humanity. 

If this be the cafe with human lifis in general, and in pro- 
per charafter, marriage is not lefs worth your choice, bc- 
caufe it may have, or has inconveniencies and alloys. 

If thofe inconveniencies and alloys are neceffarily greater 
(without a proportionable luperiority of pleafures) ia a con- 
jugal than a finglelife, the latter is undoubtedly to be pre- 
ferred.— But I believe they cannot be proved neceflarily ^, 
only circumflantially.— Well, the queflion then is, whether 

thefe 



A COI^UpCTPTO^ or ES^AYS;^*. "■ ioj 

thife drcumftantial impediments, which are^ or may be 
alledged againflr the choice of a married life, cannot, by a 
proper Gonduft, ia the time of courtfhip, and after, b^ 
reinoved? ■ 

It. is thought they may ; and the defign of thefe papers is 
to propofe how and by what methods. 

And We conceive the obfervations made, and the methods 
pi'dpofed, may be efFeftnal, and are not impracticable, to 
put the married ftate not only on an equality of probable 
Happinefe with a finale one, but to give it a prolpeft of fe- 
|)erior felicity. / 

However unfkilfully this argument may have been handled 
by me, and of how little advantage foever my weak attempt* 
may have been to ferve it, the truth of die propofitions 
remains in force. 

Firft, that unhappy matches are often occafioned by mere 
mercenary views, in one or both of the parties ; or -by the 
heac|0|png motives of ill-condufted paflion. 

Secondly, that by a prudent and judicious proceeding in 
our addreffes to a young lady of a good-natund temper, we 
may lay a very good foundation for making her an agreeaWc 
companion, a fleady friend, and a good wife. ' 

And, thirdly, that after marriage, by tonttnuing in the 
road of prudence and judgment, we may mak^ the nup- 
dal ftate as happy as wecanpromifeourfelves from any other. 

To conclude, Sir, whenever I am inclined for a matrimo^ 
aial voyage, I fhall endeavour thus to fteer my courfe ; and 
HI cannot gain the port by this manner of courtfhip and 
conduft, I wUl reft contented with n\y prefent condition.. ^ 

lif, on the other hand, I fhould tha*eby gain the indina- 
'tioGs and confent,of a hdy, I ftiall endeavour to fupport my 
happinefs in Ibme fucfa manner as I have herein intimated, 
lam; &c. ' / . 

THE END. 

I* LETTE R, to a very yoiing Lady on Her Marriage. 
By Dr. Swift. 

THE hurry 'and impertinence of receiving and paying 
vifits on account 'o£ your marriage being now over, 
tbu are beginning to enter into a courfe of life, wh^e you 
'■^' ?2 will 



r 



, ^^^^- 



io8 THE PaLITE Mil^ClLLANY: on, ' / 

'Will want much adHrice to divert- yoo frot» falling hUo mflof 
errofs, fopperies^ aaid foUiea, to which yaat fex is fiibjeft. 
I have always borne an entire friendship to your father and 
.mother ; and the perfon they have chofen for your hu&and^ 
tmth been f6r feme years paA mj particular farourite* I 
have long wifhed you might come together; becauie Fhoped 
that, from the goodncfe of your di^ofition, and byfiJlbw- 
ing the couniel of wife friends, you might in time maks 
yourfelf worthy of him. Your parents were fb far in tlie 
right, that they did adt produce you much in the world; 
whereby you avoided mahy wrong fteps which others have 
taken, and have fewer ill imprefBons to be removed. But 
they failed, as it is generally the caie, in too much negleft* 
ing to cultivate your mmd; without which it is impo/Bble 
to acquire or prefcrve the frienddup and efteem of a wife 
man, who foon grows weary of afting the lover, and treat- 
ing hiis wife like a miftrefs, but wants a reafonable compa- 
nion and a true friend, thrdii^h evtsry ftage of his lifd. It 
mud be therefore your bufinofe to qualify yourfelf for thofc 
offices ; wherein I wUl hot fail to-be ymir dire^or, as long 
as I i^l thiii^ you deferve it, by letting yoi» know how 
you are to aft, and what yoU ought ta avoid. 

And bevirare. of ieCfi&ng or negfe£^g my insftruAions ; 
whereon will depend not c^y your ibakit^ a good figure in 
the world, but your own real happneis, as well as that of 
the perfen who aught to be the dwefl to you. 

I mufl: therefore defirc you, in the firft place, to be Yery 
flow in dianging the modeft behaviour of a vlr^. It ifir 
ufual in young wives, before they have be^ many Mieeks 
married, to aflume a bold, forward look, and manner of 
talking ; as if diey intended to fignify in all companies, that 
they were no longer girk; and confequently that thek whcde 
demeanor before tjiey got a hufband, was all but a counte- 
nance and conflraint upon their nature; whereas, I fuppofe, 
if the votes of wife men were gathered, a very great majo- 
rity would be in favour of thofe ladies, who after tshcy were 
entered into that itate, rather ehoie to doufce their portion 
of modefty and rcferyednels. 

I muft likewife warn you flriftly againfl: the leaft degree of 
fondnefs to your hufband before any \dtnefs whatdToever^ 
even before your nearefl relations, or the very maids of your 
chamber. -I'his ^proceeding is lb exceedingly odious and dif- 

guftful 



fufiful to att wk> hsw elt)^e£ good'bi;^edi^2 or ^if^ fo^ 
that t^ysajfli^ two. vexy unaflwable cq^fcas fet i;^ Tbe QHQ 
is g^ofi bypocr^fy^ aipid the otbes ^as. t^ b^ a a^]i\«. to 
mcation. If ther^ is. aiiy differe^c^ tp.bc to4«*'xou^ tw- 
band i& the loM^eft p^foa ia <;o]?gypan}f> ^tb^ ai ho^^ qr ' 
abroad, and every gentlemao pr^jbit hd^ a bettq: claim. tQ ^ 
marks of civility and diftinftion from you. Conceal your 
^ft^m and love Ui your own bres^* and ^eierve your i^nd 
looks and language for (»-ivate hours; which 4re fo.mStny ioi 
the four and twenty, that they wHl afford time to employ ^ 
paffioQ as es;«lt^ as any that w^ ever defcrlbed h 4 Fr^^ 
lomsfice. 

Q7b te cmimuedJ} 

. ^« ANE CDOTE relativt to Lord Chirf-juftke NoHm 

LORD chief-jttftice Holt, who had beeo very w}ld 19 
his yoiithy wasooce out with fome oi his raking lepm- 
panions on a jomroey into the country \ th^ had ipeat at) 
their money, and after many coo&ltations what; to dp^ it 
^^ rcfolved that they fliouIdparteompiBiy, aodtry tibeir 
forttmfi feparately. Hob: got to an inn at die (^ of a Aimg^ 
gling village, and putting a good £ace on tb^ mattser, orr 
dered his hosk to be wdl taken care of, called for ^to&m^ 
befpoke a fopper, and looked after his bed. He then ftroUei 
into dae kitchen, where he faw a young lais about tbirteeii 
year» dd fluvering with sm ague; he emgywed of his knd- 
lady,- a widow, who the < girl was, ^d how iKMig Om had 
beeniH; the good woman loli bhn, thaitihe was hear dang^ 
ter, an only child, and that flie had been ill aiear a year, 
notwithAanding all the affiflance fiie could procure froo^ 
' fdayfic, at an exp^cc which bad akioft jniioed her. He 
ibook bis head at the dodors, and bad tbe woman be yind«r 
tio farther concern, for that her daughter Ihoidd nev^- have 
another fit. He then wrote a few unSnfteUigiWe words in 
iCpmt-hai^jMjp a icrap of parchmeikt whkh had been the 
^edionJVan hamper, and jelling it up, ordered that 
it'fhould be bound upon the frit's wrift, and remain 
there till (he was well. As ithappraed, the ague returned 
no more, and Holt having continued there a week, now. 
called for his bill witli as much courage as if his pockets 
had been filled with gold. Jhl pOD hlefs youy^ fays the 

^ ^ old 



r 



ltd THEOPOLITE MISCELLAKY: ot, 

old womaiiy you* re nothing in my debt, Pnifure; Iwijh I 
v;as able to pay you for the cure you have performed upon piy 
daughter 9 and if I had had the happinefs to fee you ten month 
agOy it 'would have faved me forty pounds in my pocket. Holt, 
after feme altcrqition, accepted of his week's accommoda- 
tion as a gratuity, and rode away. 

It happened that many years afterwards, when he was 
•one of the judges of the King's Bench, he went a circuit 
into the fame county, and among other criminals whom he 
-was appointed to try, there was an old woman that was 
charged with witchcraft: To fupport this charge, feveral 
witnefles Iwore that (he had' a fpell with which (he could 
cither cure fuch cattle as were fick, or deftroy thofe that 
were well ; in the ufe of thas fpell they faid Ihe had been 
lately detefted, and it having been feized upon her, was 
ready to be produced in court ; the judge then defired it 
might be handed up to him: it appeared to be a dirty ball, 
Covered with rags, and bound many times round with pack- 
thread ; thefe coverings he removed with great deliberation 
one after another^ and at lafl found a piece of parchment, 
trhich he knew to be the iame that he had ufed as an expe- 
dient to fupply his want of money. At the recoUeftion of 
this incident he changed colour and fate filent : At length 
recoUcfting hinaielf, he. addreffed the Jury to this eiFeft j 
" Gentlemen, I muft now relate a particular of my life 
which very ill fuits my prefent character, and the ftation in 
which I fit : But to conceal it would be to aggravate the 
•folly for which I ought to atone, to endanger innocence, 
and countenance fuperftition ; this bauble, which you fup- 
Ipofe to have the power of life and death, is a fenfelefs fcrawl 
which I wrote with my own hand, and gave to this woman, 
whom for no other caufe you accufe as a witch." He then 
related the particular circumftances of the tranfa£Vion, and 
it had fuch an efFeft upon the minds of the people,. who now 
bluftied at the folly and cruelty of their zd|||^t judge 
Holt's landlady was the laft perfon that evefllR tried for. 
witchcraft in that county. 



A S O L I L O Q^U Y. 

Written fmi Ttme ago, when fA«? much-injured AUTHOR 
felt a Viftim to Bigotry awi Malice. 

AH ! fay my foul, why fo o'erwhelm'd witfi grief? - 
All*bounteous heavcft may fome time fend relief { 
Though woes on woes have fwalloVd up thy youth> 
Yet ftill, my foul, turn oi^ the poles of truth t 
Be meek, humane, nor dare to give ofFefice, 
All mankind love, and reft on Providence. 
From wifdom's quarry, thence thy treafures bring, 
Her riches laft ; thence calm content does (pring. 
'Bove adverfe fate a mind fuperior fliew, 
Tho' fcorn'd by fools, a butt to every foe; 
Affronts forget, return good wiH for hate, " 

Nor moum> tho' bom to be unfortunate; 
Spurn wealthy vice, let fortune from thee fly. 
Shrink not, but nobly meet adverfity. 

Indulgent heaven, beyond our wifhes kind. 
Our greateft blifs has with our natures join'd : 
Thy ftation mean I — then humble be thy view, 
Rule but thy will, and all* thy wants are few* 
; ' Let mortals glory who have happy days, 
Bleft be their lot, and peace in all their ways ; 
The brave may fuffer tho' they know no crime. 
Here virtue 's try'd — rewarded after time ! 
Her chiefeft friends, tho' honefl, brave and wife. 
Oft lye o'erwhelm'd in fell calamities, 
'Till rais'd to heaven, by her they re-aflume * 

Their native lufVre and eternal bloom. 
Ah 1 ne'er my foul from innocence depart ; 
Come every virtue arm an honeft heart.-- '- 
No fbcial converfe now falutes my ear, 
I, venon^^* words, flung from each wretch muft bear : 
By friendl^orfbok, whom late I much eftfeeto'd, 
Ah ! cutting thought ! by them I'm worthlefs deem'd ; 
If wretched fate, me to their prefence brings 
Few are their words, yet every word 's a fling : 
In all I do fome turpitude they fee, 
Even iquQcence itfelf is guilt in me ; 

Heart 



riJ T«E POLITE MrSCEl-JLA'NY: ok. 

Heart Icorn detraftion, and defpife the florms 
Envy itiay rfifc, fho' iii ten thoufand formiy 

Like as a rock amid the foamy deep 
Breaks fwelUng^gesfts^oQg theyfweep; 
The f uriopfi ftorm ^th .nuqigled Hgh tnjng fiies^ 
Now funk, now raised, the hideous billows rife : 
With hoarfe roug^noife the bcjift'rous billows roar, 
Wlkve fwallows wave, and wave rolls wave to fliore ; 
The 'rock fecure, 'fix'd on it's folid bafe. 
Mocks the irain infults of the battering fcas, 
JAf paflion?, reftlefs as the raging main' 
Alternate rife, and fall, and rUe again ; 
Now^kid as low as fate can lay thcimind. 
Now fwell*d with n^ge I'd blaft all human kind ; 
World hurl on world, or breathe contagion roue!; 
Or in my fury would all nature drown. 
Again I*m <:alm'd ; and when refign'd to fate. 
What crowds of pleafing phantoms on me wait; 
What diftantiiope$, i^at future blifs I fee, 
Fortune, methlnks, has fome reftrve for me ; 
But fwift as thoui^t thedear deiufion Ates, 
Hope languid grows, and all theprofpeft dies. 
Toft to and fro*, from blifs tojcnguifti hurl'd. 
Content to live, and now 1 curfe the w©rld ; 
Death, nought but^eadb-'s^grim fpe^re form can pleafe; 
There ends our hopes; die wearied there have cafe: 
Our fears-^-our ' h^es — in death all terminate ; 
In death — a void— a dark — an unknown ftate 1 
Eternity, *^hen launch'd in thee, we fteer 
A courfe unknown-*-fay what are We, or where? *r- 
Cool reafon fays, Peace reigns among ^e^dead. 
There trouble ceales ; but the change We dread. 
Thro' life's dark maze Til honeftly walk on ; 
LojLD, I'm refigp'd.-*-0 let thy will be done. 

EPIGH^AJd m iBRIBERrin P'"^'^'-. 

THAT Votes for money now arc fold, 
Some filly^ folks compbdn; 
But they with reafon -may be toid^ 
Who buys, may &ll^^;am, 



I 



m^ 



put; into.fl^ Cmprni P^-0$G.e^ in l^mipn, /jq^ fvM^h th$ 
Pofiage ims ftaiiik ', 

I Intend thefe lilies for 0aiyicl Ryiiawlt^^ '. '^ ' 
If it fliould mifcarry it will be nis own fault ; 
For he wrote fome Upes IwA fucb m^kOmk 
He deftred an aniWer, ajQi4.g9ye J^ dvrc(k\Qf^i 
In Norwicji city, at ^ fj^ffiM iJbe Brft 
On the top 0f Hog-hjji^ I bey he doe$ dwell 
He's a deafcx in fedr, mi t tl^ok mm be fcwdf ^ 
He hasjiy'dnear tea mo^i^ths i^)oa Norwich gro^^, 
^he pofkge I pay, though J fe^ J?<> aegje^ 
So an aofiWv ftw^d JljWtrir^ ^9m ^^ I ^f^* 



From the ORIENTAL ECLOQUES. 
ECL OOt^E tl, 

H A S S A N 5 Qt, ^ CamoWri*^. 

SCENE, tbc P«&-t 

TIME, Mjp-dat. 

IN filene how:^ <P'cr Ae bouodlefs ^yifb 
The drif er ^i#w vritb bis cwnds paft. 
One cruife df water oia his back be hmtt^ 
And his )igblt ftrip con^ato'd a fcaPtty ftorc ; 
A fan of DaiaibQd feathers Ui bi$ haf^» 
To guard his 0iad«4 face from fcorcbing CmL s. 
The foHfT im bad gaiik'd the middle %, 
.And Mt ft tre^ and AOt an b^b \$^ nigb; 
The beafts, widi pain, their dufty way purfue. 
Shrill roar'd Ac windl, wad Aweary ^ra# tJirvfew I 
With ^cfp'racf jbrrov wdd, th' afi&ig)Ked isafi 
Thrice figh'd, tbrice flnftck Ms breaft, tnd thus btegan ; 
" Sadwasthefconr^aodi^cfcle&lfraaibedasr, 

a Ah! 



#14 THE- taLl^K 'MWCfiLLANY: o4. 

Ah ! litde thought, I of the blofUng wind, 
Thethirftor pincning hunger that I find! 
Bethink dice, Hajfariy Nvhere ihaU thirft aflwagc. 
When fails this cruUe, his unrelenting rage ? 
Soon (hall this fcrip its predous load refign; 
Then yrhat but tears and hm\gcr fhali be-thine^ \ 

Ye mute companions of my toils, that bear 
In all my gripfs a more than equal (hare ! * 

Here, where ho fprings in murmurs break away, 
Or mofs-crownM fountains mitigate the day. 
In vain ye Hope the green delights to know, 
Which plains more bkft, or yerdant v^es beftow: 
Here rocks alone, and taftelefs fands are found, 
Andfamfand fickly winds for ever ho%d arotitid. 
" Sad was the hour, and lucklefs was the day, 
" When firft from Schiraz' walls I bent my way !*^' 

Ciirft be the gold and filver which perluadc 
Weak men to follow far-fatiguing trade I 
The lilly pea^ce outfhines the filver ftore, 
And life is ,dearcr than the golden ore : 
Yet money tempts us o'er the defart brown, ' 
To ev'ry diftant mart and wealthy town. 
Full oft we tempt the land, ani! oft the fear; 
And are we only yet repay 'd by thee I 
Ah! why was' ruin fo attraftive made. 
Or why fond man fo eafily betray'd ? 
Why heed we riot, whilft mad wehafte along, 
The gentle voice of peace, or pleafure's fong ? - 
Or wherefore think the flow'ry mounttdn's fide, 
The fountain*6 murmurs, and the valley V pride. 
Why think we thefe lefs pleafing to behold, 
Thafl^dreiry defarts, if they lead to gold ? 
" Sad was thehour, and lucklefs was die day, 
" When firft from Schir^' walls I bent my way r^ 

O ceafe, my fears! — All frande as I go, 
Whdtt thought creates unnumber'd fcenes of woe. 
What if the lioii in his rage I meet ! — 
Oft in the duft 1 view his printed feet: 
And fearful ! oft, when days declining light ' 
Yields her pale empire to the moanier nig^t^ 



i 



-,c 



jl COLLECTION OF ESSAXS, Jfn. m 

:By htlngpr rous'd, he fcours the groaning ^plaU^p . 
Gaunt wolves and fullea tygers in his train : 
Before them death with fhriets direfts their way. 
Fills the wild yeH, and leads them to then- prey. . 

" Sad was the hour, and lucklefs was the day, 
' " When firft from Schiraz* waUs I bent my wa^ 

At that dead hour the iUent z{p ftiall creep, 
. if ought of reft I find, upon my fleep: ' ' 

Or fome fwol'n ferpent . twift his fcales around, 
And wake to anguifh with a burning wound.. 
Thrice hzppj ^^y> the wife, contented poor, ' 

From luft or wealtli, and dread of death fccure 1 
^ They tempt no delarts, and no griefs they find ; 
teace rules the day, where reafon rules the mind. 
** Sad was the hour, and lucklefs was the day, 
" When firft from Schjraz'waUs I bent my vijeqrr' 

O haplefe youth ! for (he thy love hath won, 
The tender Zara, will be moft tmdone ! 
Big fwell'd my heart, and own'd the powVFul maid. 
When faft ihe dropt her tears, as thus fhe faid: 
" Fawewell the youth whom fighs could not detam, 
* " Whom Zard's breaking heart implor'd in vain ! , 
" Yet as thou go'ft, may ev'ry blaft arife, 
" Weak and unfelt as thefe rejefted fi^s ! 
" Safe o'er the wild, no perils mayft thou fee, 
" No griefs endure, nor weepj feJfe youth, like m<^" 
O letmefafely to the fair return, * 

Say with a kifs, (he muft not, ihall npt mpum ; / 

.0! let^me feach my heart toloCc it's fears. 
Recalled by Wifdom's voice, and Zara's tears. 

\ Helaid, andtcall'don hcav'n toble(s theday, 
When badt to.SchirazVwaJls he bent his way. ^^ 

j^ ANECDOTE relative to THOMPSON the Poet, 
and ^UJN the Player. 

MR. puin is a gentleman vihofc humour gives life ta the 
converfation of thoulands who perhaps never had the 
I>lc(aifure of feeing him : Many of whom, but for the repc- 
0^2 6tion 



1 



iU TVtR #OtltE: *f^^feLlA»V^ on, 

tition of HHMtf^ if6)M fefr vwy dull compatfdrrt J but the 
ftoiythat foUcfWi^'doei hbnotit t6 iSs&dod^ftaittre, aritf tihete^ 
foreitishweinfert^rf. J»ft. f hompfoti, a Scd|:$ gfeHtfeidan, 
now univef &lly kno^^ by hfe Btit Poems ort tht Sc^S)Di, oa 
Liberty, ^c. When bfe firft <^ttte to LottdcJn, \tra$ in very 
narrow dircnmflaildei, and brfbrc kd \frU$ dUlht^tilftied by 
his writings was many times put to his {bifts eyen for a din* 
ner. The dtebts h^ theft ^(iffitriifted lay very ftttiw upon 
him for a long tifti^ afta^^ards *, and updn thd pnbfttatfon 
of his Seafeils one of his creditor^ arrefted hjm, thinking 
that a proper dpportunicy to .get his money. The. report 
of this misfortuae happened to reach the eai^ <sf mr. <^m, 
who had indeed tead tne $eafd6s, but had never feen their 
mithor; aridtiponAri(Jierenqtih'y, hfeWas told that Thompfon 
was in the bailiff s handls at a fptitfging-hoirfe hi Hblboni j 
thither QUin Went, and being admitted into his ehamber, 
Sir, laid he, in hfe ufiial tbne bf Voice, jpQU cbn't htnv mc, 
I believe, but my name is ^in^ Mr. Thompfon received 
him politely, and faid, fhdi ihmgh ie diuUm hmfi qf the 
honour ef a perfonal ac^UdintdWe, he iJoas MffdflgjtY either to 
his name or his merit; ^nd VttJ CfclJgihgly invited him ta fij 
down. Qujn then told Mm, ne was com^ to fup with h!m, 
tnd thit he had ahready otrdevedf tffe eoor tpj»tc>^idfe l^per, 
which he hoped be Wonld cxcufe.-— Mr. triompfbn made, 
the proper rq>ly, iattd tbcd the dife6mfe turned indigently 
upon fubjefts of literature;' Wheil fupjier was oVet, and 
the glafs had gofle brilkly about, ihr, Quin then took occa- 
fion to explain himfelf, by laying, iiP li/ds now time to enter 
upon bufmefs. Mr. Thortipfon declared he wal5 ready to lerve^ 
him as far as te cajjadty would reach, in any thing he 
ihould command, thinking he waS' come abotrt fome af&r 
relating to the Orarfia. $?f, &p mr. <^ln, yourffifldki' my 
meaning, I am in your debt. I crwc you a hundred pounds^ 
and lam ct^ to pay you, Mr. Thompfon, With a'difconfblatc 
air, reply'd, Wjf as he wds d gehtlefndn iv^ofn, tohis krithv-- 
ledge, he had never cff ended, he wondered he Jhouldfeek an op" 
pdiftitnWy tctrephidch hint und^' Ms fHisfottunes, AV, hy A— ^ 
faid Quin, raifmg hfe voice, Pd he d^-n^d before I would do 
that, i Jay, I owe yoii a hundred pounds, and therf it is 
(laying a bank-note of that value before him.) Mr. ThoBigu 
ion was aftoniihted, and begg*d he Wotdil eicpla?n Kntf^. 
/?% fays <iuin. III fell you; Jim after IlmdriadyoUr t&^ 

fons. 




i: 



A c<>Lt-Ecti6N o* Assays^ Jtc. m? 

fm^ Ifd^it ifffd iky head ifktfn^ IkidfimHiktg hfieimU 
Ar Udift'^htd imt '»>f^i I dkd, I "i^auM mdkt ijty it^l^ aiijjf 
oAiOhg fhis f^ &f Hr^ iegatiees I fit d&wti the A^ihibt If ih^ 
ddtfdft^ a hundred p6mds, OndiMs ddy hedfing thdf ydu wdif 
in thii h^ufe,' I thought I niighf di ^veil have the pkafure gf 
f Hying the rrtonty myfe^, rf/ t^ ordet my executors to ^y If 
i»hen perhaps yoti might have lefs ncfdof it: and this] mn 
fh&mpfojiy is the hufinefi I cctifie about. * I neied Q6t eXpidi 
mr, Thompfon's grateful ^cka<!Avfcd|Hiei>t$, but leave etptjf 
f^dcf tc^ conceive tbcm. ' 



fcE'tTER frpm Dt. iS^iFT to a young L\t>r on Marriage, 
Continued from page lo^. 

Upoa this heady \ ftould likelwfe advlfc -^oxx to di^ io 
jpra£ik:e, from riiofe kdics ^ha afFeft abundance of ui>-' 
cafinefs while their huibands are abroad; ftart with every 
iaj6ck at the door, and ring the bell inceflantly for thc'fefv 
vants to let in thewf mafter; will not eat a bit at dSnnef 
or ftipi|)er if the hufband happens to ftay oat ; and receiv* 
him at his return with fach a medfey of chiding and Idnd^ 
ndfe, and catechifing hitn where he has been, that a ftirew 
from Billiogfgate would be a naore cafy and eligible com*, 
panioo. 

Of the lame learen are thofe wives, who when their htif* 
bandi arc gone a journey, muft have a letter every poft upoii 
pain of fits and hyfteries; and a day muft be fixed for their 
retiini iiome, ^'^^o^^ ^^ '^aft allowance for bufinefe, or 
fickneft, or accidents, or weather. Upon which, I can only 
fay, that, in my obferVation, thofe ladies who arc apt to 
n^ke the greateft clutter on fuch occafions, would liberally 
have paid a meflengcr for bringing them news that their 
}Hi(bands had broke their necks on she road. 

You will perhaps hft offended, when I adyife you to abate 
•a littlff of that violent paflion for fine cloaths, fo predomi- 
nant in your fex. It is a little hard, that ours, for whofe 
(kkc you wear them, are not admitted to be of your coundL 
. I may venture to aflure you, that we will make an abate- 
ment at Uny time of four pounds a yard in a brocade, if the 
Ijdteft IriU bti« allidw t faitable ad4k^ of care in the ctean- 



2 I 



■V". 



%:- 



I 



1x8 THE. POLITE MISCELLANY: oft, 

^eis and fweetnefs of their perfons. For the fiutrrical pact 
of mankind will needs believe, that it is not impomble to be 
very fine and very filthy; and that the capacities of a lady 
^e fometimes apt to fall fhort in cultivating cleanlinefs and 
finery together. I (hall only add, upon fo tender a fubje<n^ 
what a pleafant gentleman faid concerning a fiUy woman of 
quality, That nothing could make her fupportable but cutting 
off her head, for his ears were ofFpnded by her tongue, and 
bis nofe by her hair and teeth. 

I am wholly at a lofs how to advife you in the choice of 
company ; which, however, is a point of as great importance 
as any in your life. If your general acquaintance be among 
ladies who are your equals or fupcriors, provided they have 
nothing of what is commonly called an ill reputation, you 
think you are fafe ; and this, In the ftyle of the world, Will 
pafs for good company. Whereas I am afraid it will be hard 
tor you to pick out one female acquaintance in this town, 
from whom you will not be ia manifeft danger of contraft* 
. ing fome foppery, affeftation, vanity, folly, or vice. Your 
only fafe way of converfmg with them, is by a firm refolu- 
tion to proceed in your praftice and behaviour direftly con- * 
trary to whatever they iliall fay or do. And this I take 
to be a good general rule, with very few exceptions. For 
inflarice, in the doftrines they ufually deliver to young 
married women for managing their hufbands ; their feveral 
accounts of their own conduct in that particular, to recom- 
mend it to your imitatipn ; the refleftions they make upon 
others of their fex for acting differently ; their dircftions 
hpw to come off with vi(5lory upon any difpute or quarrel 
you may have with your hufband; the arts by which 
you may dilcover and pradlice upon his weak fide ; when to 
work by flattery and infinuation, when to melt him with 
tears, and v;hen to' engage with a high hand: In thefe, and'' 
a thoufaad other cafes, it will be prudent to retain as many 
of their leftures in your memory as you caii, and thendc'^ 
termine to afl: in full oppofition to them all. 

I hope your hufband will interpofe his authority to limit 
you in the trade of vlfiting. Half a dozen fools are in all 
confcience as many as jou (hould require: And it will be 
fufficient for you to fee'^them twice a year; fori think the 
fafhion does notexadl, that vifits fhould be paid to friends. 

I advife that your company at home fhould confifl of 
m&A, rather than women^ To fay the truth, I never yet 

knew 



A COLLECTION OP ESSA^YSi.&c. tt^ 

Ittiew a tolerable woman to be fond of her own foe. i 
confefs, when both are mixed and weU chofen, and put 
then* beft qualities iorward, therfc may be an intercourfe o^ 
civility and good-will ; which, with the addition of fome 
degree of fenfe, can make conyer&tion or any amufement 
agreeable. But a knot of ladies, got together by themfclves, 
is a very fchool of impertinence and detraftion, and it is 
well if thofc be the worft. 

Let your men-acquaintance be of youarhuiband's choice, 
and not recommended to you by any fbe^ompanions: be^ 
caufe they will certainly fix a coxcomb upon you, and it will 
coft you fome time and pains before you can arrive at the 
knowledge of diftinguiihing fuch a one from a man of fenfc, 
' Never take a favourite waiting maid into your cabinetn^' 
council, to entertain you with hlAories of thoie ladies whom 
^fhe hath ibrmej^ly ferved, of their diverfions and their dreflet;L 
to infinuate bow great a fortune you brought, and how little 
you are allowed to fquander; to appeal to her from youn 
hufband, and to be determined by her judgment, becaufir 
you are fure it will be always for you; to receive and dijp-* 
card fervants by her approbation or diflifce; to engage you^* 
by her infin nations, into mifunderftandings with your beft 
mends; to reprefent all things in faHe colours, and to be 
the c<Mnmpn emiflary of fcandal. ' ^ 

But the grand affair of your life will be to gain andrprc-. 
ferve the friendfliip and efteem of your hufband. Ydu>are 
married to a mian of good education and learnkig, of an ei« 
cellent underftanding, and an exaft tafte. It is true, and; 
it is happy for you, that thefe qualities in him are adorned 
with great modefty, a moft amiable fweetnefi of temper,' 
and an unufual^diipofition to iobriety and virtue. But nei- 
ther good-nature nor virtue ^11 fuffer him to efteep:iyott 
againft his judgment; and although he is not ca]pable of^ 
nfing you iU, yet you will in time grow a thing indifferent^ 
and perhaps contemptible, Unlefs you can fu[^ly the loSs of 
youth and beauty with more durable qualities. You have 
but a verv few years to be young a|id handfbme in the eycsi 
of the world: And as few months to be ib in the eyes o^ - 
a hufband -vyho is not a fool; for I hope you do not OUtt 
dream of chaiins and raptures, which inarriage ever did, and 
ever will put a fudden end to. , Befides, your's was a match 
«f prudence and common good Uking, without any mo;* 
^ tui^e 









r 



t^ tut pottrt MtBttttAnYi ojii 

tcre of diat ridicnloos pallkm wbkfa luis bo boag btit idi 
plcj books and romanoefl . 

Yon muft therefore ufe all eodc^ronrs to attfilfi to foowji 
degree of thde accompiifhments "whkh your hiifband vc^ 
Tallies in other people, and for which he is mo& valued him- 
felf. You muft improre ypqr mind, by clofcty purfukig&ch 
method of ftody a> i fhail direifl ior tppro^e of. You nvafk 
get a coUeftion of hiftory and trarels trfud) I will reconu 
mead to you, and ipemd fome hour$ every day in r^d-^ 
kig. them, and making extraffas from them, if your memory 
beireak. Yoq mf^t invite peribns of Jknovrkdge apd tmder^ 
ft;u)ding |o an acq^aaintance with you, by. whoie Goorerltr^. 
tioa yon may learn to corre£l your isajkt and judgment ; 
and when yon cut bring yomrielf to comprehend ai^ rellih 
the gpod ieciie idf others^ yoii will arrive in time cq thinJi 
n^dy yourf^, and to beoome a rca&eablf and agrei^bit . 
cncnpaoion. This; muft produce In. your buft)a^ a tru0 
rational love and efte^qi lor yon, which pld age will not 
dimimih. He wijl have a regard for your jndgmaJi and 
opinion in matters of the greajteft weight.; you will be abitt 
to eotertain each 9ther without a diird perlbn to relieve you 
hf finding diicourfe. The endowments of your mindwiU 
even make yonr perfba more agrieeable to him; and wbM 

Su are alone, your time will not lie heavy upoftyimr handfv 
r v^nt of fome trifling amii{bment« 
As little refpeft aa I have for the generality of your {sXp 
it hath fixnetimes moved me with pity, to fee the lady of 
the faoufe forced to withdraw immediately after dinner : Ami 
this in families who-e there is not much drinjuag; as if it 
were an eftabiiflied maxim, that women are iticapabk of all 
coDveriatton. In a room wfaene both iexes meet^ if the jom 
ars difoourfing opon Any gcp^id' fubje£^ the ladioi nevfi 
think it their buflnefs to paruke in what pafles, but vn a &pii* 
rate dnb enteruun each other with the price and ch^leii 
of lace and filk» and what drefles they Hksd or difappraveil 
at the church or the play-houfe. And when j^ou arc fm9i^ 
yosr&bres^ how naturally^ after the firft complimefHs* dir 
^ou apply your hands to each others lappets, and r^i^s^ mA 
mantua's} As if the. whole bufincfs of your lives, «sd i^e 
pnblic concern of the world, dq^endod upon die cult or s^ 
loBT of your drefles. As divines lay, that ibme pcppk t^« 



f ' 



A C6JLLECTI0N Oi^ BSsAVS, »* lit 

tlonclufion of the 
Letter froih br; Swift to a young li^pT oa Marmgti, 

taK>ref»ihi^ ^ b^ da!ttned> i^an It would coft them td be fkved^ 
fi> y^ ib[ employs more though t, memoiy} and applleatloa 
to befbds^ than wotM ia-ve td make thdki wyeand ufdFul. 
When I reftsA on tills, I cannot Conceive you to be human 
tr^tures/b^t a fort of fpecles hardly a d^ree abovea mon-^ 
key ; whd has mck-e dByming tricks than any of you, is an 
tmim^ Ids mifchievous and eKpenfive, might in time be a 
tolerable critie in velvet and brocade, and^ lor oug[htI know> 
Woidd equally become diem, 

I vrould have you look upon finery as a neceflkry folly; 
as all great ladies did whom I have evei' known. I do not 
defire you to be out of the fafhion, tb be the laft and leaft 
in it. I ex{$e£t tiiat your drefs (hall be one degree lower 
than your fdrtune can aflbrd ; and in your own heart I would 
vASx you to be an utter contemner of all diftindions which 
a finer petticoat can give you ; becaufe it will neither mak^ 
you ricbdr, handibmer, younger, better^iatured, more virtue 
bus, dr>>riie/^an if it hung upon a peg. 

If you are in company with men of learning, though 
tiiey ha{^)en to difi:ourfe<^ arts aadfciencesbut.of youfcon^ 
jpafi, yet ytm will gather more advahdi^e by liftening to them^ 
than irdm all the ncmlenie and fr^>pery of your ownfigc^t 
But if they be men of breeding as well as learnings i^y wUl' 
ieldom engs^e in any converfadon where you ought n^ to 
be a hearer, and in time have your part, li tiiey mlk of the 
manners and cuftoms ct tiie ieveral kingdcHns of Europe^ 
of tmvels hito remoter nations, of the ftatie of thehr country^ 
or of tile great men and af^ions at Greece aod Rome ; if dirjr 

S*ve their judgm^t upon Bngliih and French writev% dtber 
verfe or profe, or of the nature imd limits «ff vhrtue ami 
vice^ it is a Ihame for an Englifh lady sot to reli(h fucll 
difi:^irfes> nor to im|»rove by them, and endeavour^ by read* 
tag and informatiDn, to We he^ (hare in tbc^e etitertain* 
ments^ ratiier tiian turn afidbe^ as is the i^iud cuflom> an4 
confiilt with the wMian ^lAx^ £ts. nekt htt abottt a new 
Qar0D oC fan?. 



12*1 THE P O LI t E M f S CeVla N Y : ' a Rr 

It is a Ittde hard, UmjC npt^xie geo^maa's daughter ia » 
thoufand ftiould be brought to read or underftand her owo 
iiiiAvt i&r^6^ oc^ht judge 6f tbe e^fvainokl that ir4 
written in it ; as any one may find, who can have the pa- 
tknce to bear theih^ vfttm th^y ai^ di^c4ed ^moM^ftjfhfl 
cr novel; where the leaft l¥ord o^t <k ttie common ^(i^ H 
fure to difcobcect theai, tt is no^^^^p^enTi wheHiii^yiacf 
not ib nfuch as mtight, to 4)eU in tlidr childh^icM, mar«^in^ 
even attain tjoit m their whd^j^esr ladvife.^^.theri^Qc^ 
to read aJodxl, more;or le&, eveiy d^y^-fo your. l«iiAmi)4^if 
he \^iflrperauc yon; or to aay other friend <b^ noc^ fieMdir 
0iie) ^o is abk to iet y6ii ri^t. AM as for fpeUi^g^ .jri)i» 
may compaifs it in time, by makiog^oUeftioiiSs frevit'die^bMte 
yoti re»l, and remembrhtg the dmpehct ^wid^ th prining: 
imd frorkouncir^ wards ^ :_ - .., t 

. I know tery wdl^ that tho^e^tha are €0mfn9l^^$& 
learned wpteen, have i€& all manner of ^rcf^^by 4ieirli||^ 
^tineht taikadvenefs, abd cobceit of th«iiifelvies» .jBflt 
there is an eafy remedy fbr this, if .you ooce ooiifi<fery th^ 
after all the pains you may be at, ydiijuevcrx^aft arrive, in 
point of fcarning, to the perfc^co pf^ ftheNe>t-b(^* .Tbe 
reading I would advife you ta, is^lyifor ilnpifbi«]¥tenf>i^ 
your d(¥n good. fei6} which w«ll flever &il<sf j^ngnaeii^ed, 
by Mffiftaredoo. It is a wrc»ig method^ and Ul choice -oi ^aioi^ 
dmt 4mk^ thde kdmed kdlea juift fi> much wode fef >t^ 
thisy have read. ^ And therefore it {ba^ be my eare t|i HireA 
)FM htvkr, a taflc for ^hidi i tiaSce nfyfelf to he iipt^iU qeit^ 
Sfi^d 9 becauie I have ipent itiore dqik^ .and hai^ had in«H^ 
^poitiinith^ifluin manypthors^ to^bi^e^ufidjd^S^pver^fcQBl 
irimt iburieft^e va-iousfoi&sdf itoiBfin4l£,<^^ . 

Praf c^eWe wh^t ihfignifiGaht tU^s are tiie'eoQiiinte 
race of htdks, when they haveqpaBcdthciiFyottA«»dbea»- 
tf; lio^'cDifteibptibtethey.apfekeiaiiiemef^ and.yetm^ 
toatfemptlbte to dife yoiMger part ^©f their mn^ fiat; ^|4 
feive <io ttIM bot ih M^affing 'dieir^ftetnooos^^in iirxfits,: whetc 
dli^y ^em^ver^ceptabie; andtHetrevemti^atcaFdsiimdKilr 
i^USh other^ >tl4iite the former ^rt c^ the^jb fpfsnt: ift 
||ileeB'S6d ttitf, or in Tacn oi^vmns to reptk 49y f^4: «»4 
ftisfs ^ HSiina df idme. H^^axfcvear I h»re itiotvtr jiadieis ^t 
fixty, to whom all the polite part of the cotnrttaAd town 
paid their addrefles, without any farther view than diat of 
%t]pying the pleafure oi th& coaveriation. 

laoi^ 



^";^v 



A ^iOLLECTION OF ESSAYS. &c. i« 

^ I aij^ ignora^. .of acty one cjaafity tjiat i^aml^bl^ in a 
sftan, trtdStfl^ 'n^ e^ttan^ fii Ui a wo^nan; I do hot ^(it6 
j^n mpdwj^^. aiSd "fftt^denej^^^ nature^ Nor do I kno\<r^ 
•^6. -^tf^: or ^Hy* >|AS^ Ik not eguafly Apteftable in bc^l 
•Ifliefe is Itjdbdil cme infirtiii|y which feems to begen^ral^ 
^ohM |di?/Tt i^^ cb^rftce. tct there fhoulS 

item'ld 1^ fofeet^ that when woiheii 

^^lfs%^ acfoifatit^p f^^^ (Irolonel oif^ii, captain oh accdtint 
^'Irft va^ut^ they ftciuld fancy it a very grdcefaJ, becoming 
dtefityii' ffiemfehes to Be afraicj^of their pw^ fliadows • to 
Icreain in a bargQ wheiji thV weiti^er is cahfneft, or irt a coach 
-it tfic^rhtg ;^ to nm from a cfow at a iihndf^d ^ards diftance ; 
#falt into fits at the fight of a fpider, an earwig, or a frog: 
/tt^J^aft^ if ' Cowardice be a fign of cruelty f^s it is generally 
^iaSted) I can hardly thirik'h an acpcbmpHmtnent k> defire-i. 
able^ as to be thought wor^ improvirig by afilbftation. 
- And aff Ae fami TiHues'^quaM^y become both fates, {q 
tRet^ Ik no qu'aiity' whereby women endearpur ^o diftinguife^ 
ifiemfelvfe^ from men, for which^they ai^e hot Juft fo mudi 
the wro^ except that onl]^ of refervedaefe; which, how- 
c#fr,^as ^h genefaJly manage it. Is nothing eUe^but affefta- 
ilop or iiypocrljfy. - For as you caqtfot toolnuch difcounte- 
ijaTCe Wd^^'of bur fex Vbo ptefumie to t^ke unbecoming li- 
berty litfore' yon, lb you ought tp be wholly unconftrained 
in the company of deferring men, when you hiveiiad fufB- 
^dent experience of their difcretion, 

Th^ is' tieV^ wanting in this town a tribe of bold, 
fwaggering, rattling lacRes, whofe talents pafs among cox- 
combs for wit ancl l^umpiir* Tji^r ^c^tl^qy IJes in rude, 
choaking expreffion^, zrti what titey raH,^'Riinhing a man 
down. If a gentlemap in tteir comMny happens to l^ave 
^y bjemifh in bis birth 6t fie|ffon; ir ahy misforthhc l^^th 
befarietl ills famllv or himfelf, for which he is afhamed, they 
will be fure to gjve Mm broad hipts of it without any pro-' 
vocation, ri^otild recomftiend you to the acquaintance of 
a common proftitute; rather t|iaa to that of f&cn terma^nts 
as thefe. I luvq often thought, that no man is obliged to 
fuppofe f&!i ireatures to be women 5 but to tregt them like 
infblent rafcals dlfguifedin female' habits, who ought to be 
ftripped an* kicked '^dol^ft^s. 

f will add oQe thing, although it be a little put of place; 

^ich is, to dcfire, that you will learn to value and cfUem 

V «. .> ft>>.4..-i- • your 






134 TR& POLITE MISGELLANYt ot, 

ycmr htifband (pr ^de good qualities which he reaQy poft 
i^rb^ ao4 ^ot to £uiqr others in him wl^ch he cert4Qlx 
)iath nqt. f^or although ^ latf^r is g^erally \:|nderj|lcvi4 
to be a mark pf love, yet it is indeed npt)^ing butaSefiratiofi 
or ill judgment. It is tto^, he wants io very (pw fcqqxn-; 
plifhmpnts, thi^t ypu are in no great danger of erring o/f^ 
this fide \ buf my paution is occafioned by a lady ojF your 
^quaintance, married to a very valuable peribn» whom (h^ 

?*i| fi>. unfortunate as to be^dways commending for tbofib per-i 
prions to w^ch he cai^ leaft pretend. 

I can give you no advice upon the article of expence ; 
Only I thifik ypu pught to be ^^ol informed how much yon^ 
buf^nd's reveque ^mou^ts to; ai^d be fo good a commitfc 
^ to keq) within it, ip that pant of ^c m^oiagement wmcl^ 
falls to your fliar^*^ and not to pqt yourfelif m the number 
qf thoTe politic ladies, who tj^ink tl^ey gain 4 great point, 
when they have teized their huibands to ^y tib^m a new 
equipage, a laced head, pr a £|ne petticoat;^ without once 
<^nfidering what Iqng fcores remain xuipaic} to d\e butcher. 

I defire you will keep this kttqr in your cabinet, and often 
examine impartially your whole cooduA by it. And ibt 
God blefs you, and make you a fabr example to your fex> 
and a perpetual comfort to your hulband and your parents^ 
|l|m^ with |[reat truth and afieAion, 

MadaMi &c,^ 



PUNCTiLLIUS. A Tale. 

IT is ind^, a mclancholly truth. 
That age muft mourn the lawlefs freaks of youtb^ 
Wifliing ^gain the precious hours, were lent, . 
Which have in ript, and debauch, been ip^ts^ 
This is the common Iqt of-a}l ;? — ^but mqu 
Of thofe to reafon, to refleftion Ipft, 
Who by intemp'rance find their nerves unftrung, 
Yet doomed to drag a load <rf life along. 

PuNCTiLLius was uot dcftitute ^f parts, • 
TThe knowledge of mankind or lib'ral arts, 
Gcn'rous, humane, and focial, of his truft 
7^nadous, and toeachengagemeot juft; 



P^t 



*A Collect loii op essays, te. tii 

But jret hts friends were lively mortified, 
To find fuch part^ and knowledge jniiappHed ^ 
Hb health confam'd, his credit nearly funk, 
WhUe he (bu^ in good company) got drunk. 
. A full debauch Pu^ctillius had fuftain'd. 
Where half-pint bumpers were in triun»ph drain'd, 
Pot-valknt, now he wanders throi^h ttxe ftreets. 
Nor long before a wand'ring nymph he-meets^ . 
plying ti^e ufual comer, whence ftie may 
Beft felly forth, and fatten on her prey. 
He knows the confequenqe— but op he qauft; 
Thus drunkenncfs fliall mihifter to luft. 

Darfcaefs, feven times, fince that unhappy night. 
By turns fupplanted, and gave place to light ; 
He at hfs cups/ as many nights was found. 
And held it^metimcs while the clbck ftruck round/ 
What fhouid he do ? his fpirits were fo low, 
TUl he is got about half-cock, or fo. — i 

But cprdials, ydien they promife moft, iiecciyc. 
Requiring by and by what helps they gphre. ' 

He, '^q ^ frolic p'er a bottle feetn'd 
The very foul of converiation deem'd. 
With ficknefe vifited, of life delpairs, , ' 

Unpurg*d his crimes, uiifettled his aifl^rs^ 
A furfeit paft the re^ch of art to cure. 
And love's envenom'd fiiaft he muft endur^. 
Thefe, firft the ftream of life contaminate. 
Then drink his marrow up?-- pf ftrength the feat 
Friendlefi,. unpitied for his foUies paft, 
He lingers in a h6ip}tal at laft; 
Where ftiunn'd of all, abhprr'd of all, he lies 
A ^i^oeful fpeftacle, rots, ftinks and dies. 

Thus form'd by nature, either to excite 
Pleafure ia others, or receive delight ; 
The young, the ftrong, the generous, the gay. 
Are in the prime of manhood fhatch*d away ; 
While children'of the earth, a fordid race! 
Live long^ get wealth, and ^ften fee good day$« 



Th 



i 



i;^ THE PAI-^tj: MISCEJUANYa qr, 

From thi LONDfON GHRONICLi;* 

7»^ HISTORY OF ENGLAND, /rom the Aceejhm of King 
James L of Scotland , to that ^ the Brunfwick Lin$. By 
Catherine Macaulcy, The authorefi^ we are toU, is an En- 
gii/h woman (f birth and fortune^ and wife of a phyjician^ 

HTHE Hiftory of En^aad by a taiy, fe^nw fuc^J ao 
•*- extraordinary pharoomcnon, that every Oiac ^ag^ly a£ks 
the reafons of it& appearance. Here th^y foUow in M^ own 
words: 

THOUGH th? re(J^itude of my inteiution b^s Wtherto 
been, and, I truft in Cod ! ever wffl be my fupport, 
in the laborious, t:^ pf dcUaeating the political hiftory of 
this country, yet I think it incumbent <3n me tg ^ive the 
Public my realbns for undertaking a fubjeft which has t^en 
already treated of by fcveral ingenious and levied . J^n, 
From my early ypu^l;^ I Jiav^ read witt\ delight thofe hifto' 
ries that esrfubi^ i4>erty in its mofl; exajte4 ftate, tii? aft^s 
of the Roman and the 9 f^k republicks. Studies Cke. ttife 
excite that natural love of fr^doi^ ^Yhich lie? latent in ^c 
breaft of every radonal being, till it;is njpjp^d by tb^ ffoft 
of prejudice, or blafted by the inftv\enc^ pf vice* 

The efFe6l which abnoft cpnftantly attends fnct\ reading, 
operated on my inclinations in the ftrpngq^t manner^ ^d 
Liberty became the ob]e<^ jof a fecondwY 7^9r/b,\p V^JPJ 
delighted imagination, A mind thus dttpp^^ ca|\ n^ver 
fee dirough tbe mediuin held up by party-wri|ers l pr Incline 
to tbat extreme of candonr vvhich by coloring the enoriuous 
vices, and magnifying the petty virtues, of wicked in^n, 
confound tpgether in one v^naiftinguiibed gronpe, thee^ljied 
. patriots that have illuftriouiQy figured in this conntrYi ^^th 
* thofe time-ferving placemen who have facrificed tbf WQAeflen- 
tial interefts of the publick to the b^ifeaeT^ pf th^ir private 
afft:6tions. . •. 

• The focietie^ pf the mpdefti agc§ of tbe WQrW are npt con* 
ftituted with powers to bring to an imp^rti?il tqbupal i9.'ea 
trufted in the higher pffiges of the ftate. Fame is the o^ly 
rewai;d which, in the prefent times, true Virtue hath to hope; 
and the only punifhment which the guilty Great have to 
apprehend, is eternal infamy. The weight of punifhiiient 
ought ever to be determined by the importance of the con^ 

fequences 






cf men in public charaifters can adttiit df ti6l^i^u!^E 
^:g^ citizen is a credit to his country, aft'd ikef ^s^<i ;^ 
m^iiki^ oi eye^y ylrtuoiis man. Patriots whohai^e'fa^- 
ps;^ iiiek tender affeaipns, their |k;6perties, their lii7ei,^& 
tic mtereft of Ibciety, deferve a tribute of praife tinniM«l 
%it^ any alloy* With. r€;gret' do I accufe Itiy cqniitry '^ 
inattcntiott to the moft exalted of their b^rieftaors:^%hiil 
mey etyK^y privileges BApoITcfleii by other nations, they iia%: 
loll a Juu Icrifc of &e m^rlt of £he\ihen1i)y whbfe iitt^^ 
tbefe privileges .were attained; meia^t^^ the Kazarli 

sjjd even 'the lofe of their Iive§, attacked the formiiiable p^e- 
tenlioas of the .Stewart family, and :^t lip the banners ot 
Eberty agalnfl: a ^tyranny which *haid ijeen eftablifhed forlis 
feries of more than 1 50 years ; ahcl 'this by the exertion of 
faculties, which,Vjf compared wj'th the barren produce (k 
jtoodern times, appear mc«*e than humah. Neglcft is no*t 
flie Qijly crime committed j^gainft thele facrcd charaffe^ 
rartyj>r^udice, and the more 4^teftable principle of priva^ 

* intereft,.have painted the memoirs of paft times in fofalfe a 
l&kt, tiat tt is \vith difficulty we can trace features, which^ 

' ^juftly deferibed, would exalt the worBiies of this coiin 
i)djon(l the fame of any fet of men, which the annats of other 
Mtions can at any one period produce. 
. To do jujftice therefore to the memory of pur illi;iftrloti$ 
^ceftors to tbejatmoft extent of riiy'rmall abilities, ftill^l^y- 
ing-an eye to publiok liberty, the Kandard by whic'h I h^V^ 
eBdeavoured to meafure the virtue of thofe charafters that 
are treated of in this hiftory,- is thie principal motive thajt 
induced me to undertake thisintricate part of the Engliih 
Hiftory. if the execution is deficient, the intention muft'bc 
allowe^^ to be mecitprious; and if the goodnels of my hea!dl 
iJaay jiiftly be quefUoned, my heart will ftand the teftof 
&e moft 'Critical examination. Tn this country, where luxtrry 
has made a great prpgreTs, it is not to be fuppofed Aat the 

'|>eople of fortnQe wiU fathom the d^pjSh of politics, or ga- 
mine the voluminous CoUeftions in \^hlch can only be fpc|ii4 
j^.Jsiit'hfiil repreientation of the icaportant tramaftions jo^ 
|)aft ages. it. is the bufinefs of lii niftorian to digeft thcft^ 
;^d to ^ve a true and accurate fenfe of them to the public 
1[ have ever looked upon a fuppdfed knowledge of fafts tcGtk 
In the falfe ipairroi: of mifr^cprefentaticm as one of the great 

banes 



( 



i2i THE fOLITE MiSGEJLLANt: <i », 

bines of this country, lifdividuals may ert, but the puBn^ 
Jick judgment is infallible. They oifify want a juft in£br' 
inatiori 6f fafts, to make a proper comment. Labour to at* 
iain truth, integrity to iet it in its full light, are indifp6n&bb 
duties in an hiflofian. I can affirm that I am not\^tIpg ia 
ihofe duties. The in'^Idious cenfures which may eti[ii€ ftota 
ftriking into a path of literature rarely trodden by my fear, 
jwill not perijiit a/elfifh confiderhtion to keep* itfe ihute 
in the caufe of liberty and virtue, whilft the d^fihe of 
flavenr find fo many interefted writers to defend it by fraud 
and lophiftry, in oppofition to the common reafon of man- 
kind arid the experience, of every age. Abfurd as are the 
.principles and notions, on which the do^rine of arbitrary 
power Is eftablirtied, there have been ever in this country founa 
many to adopt it. The vulgar ate at aH <imes Ikble to be 
deceived, and this nation has ever f^roduced a number of 
bad citizens, who, prone to* be corrupted, ha^e been the ready 
tools of wicked minillters and the zealous partizans hi a caufe 
big with the ruin of the ftate, and the deftruftion of that 
felicity which the Individuals of this country have for fome 
years enjoyed. It is juftly remarked by an able writer, " That 
there may be a faftion for the crov^n as well as againftit, 
Upd confpiracies,againfl: freedom as well a,s againft prefoga- 
tive". Whofoever attempts to remove the limitations neceflar^ 
to render monarchy confiftent with liberty, are rebels in the 
worft fenfe; rebels to the laws of their country, the law of 
nature, the law of reafon, and the law of GOD. Can tfaeri 
be fiich men ? Was I to put thequeftion to my own heart, 
it would anflver, that it was impoffible there ftiould be fuch. 
But the annals of this country have a fliameful tale to tell, that 
fuch a faftion has ever exifted in this ftatfe, from the earlieft 
period of our prefent conftitution. 

This faftion has not only prevented the eftablifliing an;|^ 
regular fyftem to preferve or improve our liberties, but Ih 
at this time in wait for the firft opportunity that the imper- 
feftions of this government may give them, to deftroy thofi 
jrlghts, which have been purchafed by the toil and* blood of 
the moft exalted individuals that ever adorned humanity. 
To Ihew the caufe of fo great a malignancy it will be neceP- 
fery to obferve, that there are in every fociety a number of' 
men to whom tyranny is in fome meafurc profitable ; men 

devdd 
[,To be concluded in our next, 2 



\ 



i CO|-LEGTiON OF ESSAYS; lee isf 

The Con^ufioii 0( ' 
Mfs. MidiulifY'J PRfi^ACE to hcf liijbry of JSt^tdndli 

devoid of every virtue and qualificatioti requifite td rife i3, 
a free ftate* The emolument;s and favours they gain for 
fupporting tyi-jpay are \be odly means by .which they carf 
bbtaia diilindiio45, which in every, eqnal government ar^^ 
the rewards of public fervice. . The felfim affefticfes c^ 
thefe men, exfaked above wortlilei' citizens, fancy a recd»m4 
penfe in .this exaltation an\jple enough fof the f^rifiice.of 
their liberty; To avoid the cenfures of injured i5ofierity 
their children are brought up in the doftrine of ai neceflar jr 
iervitude, and are taught to regard the champions 6f U* 
^ty as the tJifturbers of the peace of mankind*. Hence, 
is IM'pduc<sd 9 numerous clafs of men, who, having becni 
^niqated in the principles df flavery, become the deliidedt 
loifarumeflts &f all the vIMnpus purpofes of mfan am^ 

Som0 ,thet'e are, who envying the reputation which iUiiftri- 
tiu$ d)am^r« have acquired, bend dieir endeavours to 
deflrpy,.^ genuine notions of virtue and public utility, oa 
whiclji w&ne of great men is built. Others,^ whoft alFec- 
%as,areof fo Bafe an alloy, that they envy the indepen-' 
Amcy wWdii ' Pftty , in3^vidnal of this country may enjoy^ 
-Would wUBngly forfeit th^ natural priviledg^to fiiperiot 
tyrants, prbvijied they inight have tbe,ppS¥^r of domineering 
6?^r. the low clafs. of people* Others ^^n, who having 
4rudg^d thrpugfci whiu is caj^ a regul^ education, witlV 
imchlearning, or rathbr rcadiag, but without judgment tip( 
have acquired any real knqwledgj?, become a m^a^ine of 
4^cr men's conceits, and commwce the difciplcs of the firft 
doftrine wluch accident jding? in their way. Thefe fchplars, 
IB thcr jMitfuit of fdence, lofe ^e diftinftions pf con^mpn fenfe,. 
and ai^ a^ ohftin^tely fixed in the prejudices pf the authors 
iffithwiiom they have cpnverfed^ as if thefe pr^udjces were. 
^: frc4uce c* their own imaginations. Hence proceed 
t|o^ pppofite opinions among the fpeculat^ve part of man- 
U^: m rc^d to poputer a»d monarchical privileges. aH 
ii9|^ C99 aequirc the ^gc«a of terms, but the depth of 
ftmcie is oiuy to be attained hy gexwus. The greater pio- 

S portion; 



iaj> THE POLITE MISGELLAI^t : o rT, 

portion of ignorance, thctc may be in ^^ difputant, the mor^, 
ieluftant be is to give way to reafoning that contradifts the 
borrowed opinion^ which he lm$- taken in the . grcrfs ; be- 
looks ^yith a fovereign contempt on his antagonift, not 
bccaufe he can confute bis arguments, but becaufe bis ar-* 
gumcnts contradia the tenets that have been laid down by 
Hobbs, and other Writers of that ftamp. Unequal to the 
combat, he fkirmiflies at a diflance, wilfully converfes in- 
generals, and never enters into thofe particulvs which may 
inveftigate the fubjeft. Men like thefe, without the de- 
fire of attaining truth, wrangle but for viftory; and if 
they have fenfe. enough to fee their mlftakes, diey never have 
candor enough to. acknowledge them. 

The general education of the Englifh youth is not adapt* 
cd to dierifh thofe generous fentiments of rndispendency, 
which is. the only charafteriftic of real gentlemen. The- 
bufinefs pf the public fchools is nothing more than to teach 
the rudiments of grammar, and a certain degree of pcr- 
feftion in the Latin and Greek tongues. ' Whilft the Ian-' 
gUMres. of thefe once illuftriou5 nations are the pbjefts oF 
attention, the divine precepts which they taught; and (>rac- 
tifed are totally neglefted. From the circle ot- thefe bar^piir' 
liudies, tfiie fchool-boy is tranfplanted' into the univfer^ty. 
Here he is fuppofed to be initiated in every branch of know- 
ledge which diAiri^uillies the n^an of education- frbm the 
ignorant herd-, but here, as* r am tolJ, and fove great 
reafon to believe, kre taught doftrines littllfe cdculated to* 
forni patriots to' fupport and defend the privileges of die 
fubjeft in this limitred monarchy. " In thefe feats of * 
education, fays' an ingenious author, infteadof being ^orme<t 
to love their country and conftitutipn, the laws and liberties' 
of it, they are rather difpofed to love arbitrary government, 
and to become flaves to abfolute monarchy. A change of 
intereft, provocation, and fonle other cdnfiderations, may^ 
fet them right as to the public; But they have no inward 
principle of love to their country and of puMic' liberty; 
fo that they are eafily brought to like flavery, if they 
,raay be made the tools for managing it," The fhidy 
of hiftory is litde cultivated in thefe feminaries, and not 
at all thofe fundamental principles of the EngEfh conftitu- 
tion, on which, our anceftors founded a fyftem of govetn- 
iBeut, in whicfi the liberty of the fubjeft is as abfoluteljr 

inftitutccl 



\ 



^^■/ 




A COLLECTION Oi? ESSAY3, &c, 131 

inftituted as the dignity of the Sovereign *. Yet the know- 
ledge of thcfe fundamental principles are as neceflary to 
unaerAand this fyAem of government^ as the knowledge of 
them was neodTary to coj^ftauft It. . 

The form ^f ^he conflltijtio^i may be prcferved, when 
tl^ljnrit of itiB loilj .smd^npti^iji^ is more likely to happen, 
whilft thofe perfbns ^ho areconiUtuted to maintain it, are 
ignorant of > thofe fundamental principles^ ^a which the bar- 
riers, that defend civil liberty from prerogatiye, are found- 
ed. Prejudiced with a love of flavcry, or at leaft ignorant 
of the advantages of lib^erty, the laft part of the education 
of the men of fortune in this country^ is what is called the 
tour of Europe, that is, a rjsfidence for two or three years 
in the «mntries of France ^nd Italy. This is the finifhing 
flroke that render^ them uf^^efs to all the good purpofes 
of preferying the bdrth-right of an Engliftiman. With- 
out being able to diftinguifti the different natures of dif- 
ferent governments, their advantages, their difadvantages ; 
without being al^e to comprehend how infinitely they affeft 
the intereil aud Jiappin^fs of individuals, they grow charmed 
tyith every thing that is foreign, are caught with the gaudy 
tinfel of k JTuperb court, the frolic levity of .ujareflefting 
flaves, and thus deceived by appearances, are riviteii in a 
tafte for fervitude. 

. Thefe are the caufes which occafion the irrational incli- 
nations of many of the Englifh people in regard to govern- 
ment: And would to GOD that thefe, though very impor- 
tant in themfelves, were the only ones that liberty had to 
fear^' In forming ,of this government a latent evil crept 
into the vitals of the ftate, and hath in die courfe of time 
poilbned every • part .of the -conftitution. Corruption, that 
undermining mifchief, hath fapped the foundation of a fabric^ 
whofe building was cemented with the blood of our beft^ 
citizens. ' The growing evil hath fpread far and wide, tainted 
the minds of men with fuch an incurable degeneracy, that 
the virtue of our forefathers is become thie ridicule' of evefy 
modern Politician. 

S 2 ' It 

* / take this opportunity of mentioning the late excellent in- 
Jiifution in the univerjity of Oxford : of aprofejpon of the cotHr 
fftm Iu'Oj of England; luhich, if carried on luith the fame 
-taMlify andjpirit that Dr. Blackftone has begun it, tnufi heprcr 
/Mffivf of the gfffatejipublkk utility, ^ " ' " 



i 



'Ji 



\ 



iii THE tbLlTE nUd^LhAUY: qt. 

It IS become an cftablllhed masdm/That corniptioii'b 2| 
fieceflary engine of gdviemment. There arc ibme ainotigft 
ik who have tkJU been ifhamed t^ Tay, That it is proper ft)r 
the other parts pf the legiflatttre to depend on the Monardf 
by eorfuptidli. HbV^ Oppofite this is to the genius and 
fpirit of our CbnWttitibn, b top apparent ta ne6d i proof. 
Tl}at the COnfeqUences of it arc already feirerdy felt in fills 
f<>untry, onr difcbt$ und heavy taxes fatally ^dc^ttiPttftf^tc. 
H<^W deftruftlve it b to every virtue that prefervts fodety,* 
0r dignifies human nattote is aS apparent. Th<^ is a ftd but 
icltain truth, that corruptipn is fp general aniWagn: us that 
it has diflblvcd the Jaeted bonds of mutM truft. . By the 
Influence of bribery, every man in thele days has a triple 
temptation to fin againft his cpiintry : The eiribitrfiients of 
favpur; t}ie fea^ or being laught at for his hbneftyj pf 
being abatndoned^ by his afTociates, and left fin^e tp ftand 
^e infults of a vidtorious faftion, . : 

If I have digrefled from the fubjeft Ket out with, ivhfch 
was tQ inform the public pf my intention in writing tliis hi- 
ftpry, they will, 1 hope, exctfc a warmth- which riatipii4 
eVils have eiccited in a breaft zealous in the citifc of liberty^ 
ind attached with a fervent devotion to the dvii ri^ts of my 
fountry. There remains nothing now but to iflure my 
readers ths^t I fliall finifh this morfel of hiftorv, to the ac- 
ceffion of the Brunfwick line, with the fame indefatigable 
induftry that'l have executed this fmall part of it : And 
having nothing fp much in view as the inveftlgation of tf tith, 
Jphall purfue it with an integrity jthat, I think,- cannot juftt;]^ 
be called in queftion by the moft invidious inquifitors, \ 

The inaccuracies of ftyle which may be found in *^ this \ 
<;Ompofition, will, I hope, find favour from th^ candptir d£ 
the ptiblie ; and the defefts of A female hiftoi^i^n, In thcrfi 
points, not weighed in the ballance pf fevere criticifih. 

A J NEC DOTE relative to the Duke of BEDFORD. . 

THE prefent duke of ,B-— df-— d, who in the coun* 
try has been as greatly extolled for his noble and ge- 
neroil? afts of beneficence, as in town he has been cenfured 
for a fmgality which has been thought unfuitabJe to his im- 
•Inenfc eftate, was once walking with a book In his hand which 
he had |)eeil reading, and having been attentive to his fub' 



pGt, Md r^mfited ftfther frdM hdme tht^ uMI; hi^ mf 
drdTed eic^eecHx^ plain/ ^Ad'v^s lobkbg ftb^l hUii) t^^i'dgr 
as i| fttppokd^ to fee Whe^ he Was> and to t^mth bbfiM^ 
«4ieh he dbferved a ^pmasi fta^dii% ia f)»l<^orfier idf^aMd^ 
Wrhi^ing her handsy and tt-pveSii^ by h^f 4£tip^ figo^ dr 
the deepeft diflrefs. The dtike Wa3 fliov6d, Und g^ng itte^ 
the field, defired her to dry up her tears and tell him the 
caufe of her affliftipn, prpnaifing at the fame time to dp her 
all the fervke in his power. The woniannold him, that fhe 
and her family were ruined: That (he had a hufband T^h6 
was fick, and feveral fmall childf^n, but being behind-hand 
with their rent, the duke of B-.-^-'df— -d*s fteward had feizcd 
all they had, and that (he was cpnie into that field to look at 
her poor Cows that had been takefe frota her, and which fhe 
fhould never fee again. His Grace, at this melancholy tal^ 
defired her to be comforted, told her that he knew the duke 
to be a good-natured man, bid her drive the cows home, and 
offered to go and fct Open the gate ; but at this requeft fhe 
burft again intq tears, and refufed to meddle with the cows, 
alledging that as they Were no longer her huft>and*s, iffhe- 
drqve them home (he (hduld be looked on as a thief, and, 
far what fhe kneMr, (he might be hanged. The duke, who 
iprom the firfl: had been greatly affbfVed, could not help yield- 
ing to her reafdhs, and giving her money, defired her to take 
courage, telling' her that he heartily pitied her, and would 
take the liberty to recommend her and her family to the duke 
of B-— df— -d, and defired her to go the next day to W-*."a 
—- bbey, and alk for John R — (T— -11, when he would intro- 
duce her and fpeak in het behalf. This the gbod-woman 
promifed, and having returned him thanks, they parted. 
The next day (he drefled herfelf ifi her beft cloaths, went 
as (he was ordered, and havihg a(ked for John R— -(t-^-U, 
was immediately led Into a room, and told that Mr. R-^^-(t-ll 
would be with her prefently . At laft fomc gentlettieh entered 
the room, all of whom Were richly dreflfed, when recollefting 
the features of him who had talked with her the day before, 
whom (he imagined to be the diike himfelf, (he was rekdy 
to faipt with fUrprife and fear> When his ^race walking up 
to her, recovered her (pirits by*a(ruring her that (he had no 
Catife to be afflifted; and inftantly galling hisileWard, bid 
•felm write her a receipt in full, and fee that every thlhg 
|hat had been taken from her hufband was returned to him 

again. 



k3 



f34 THE POLITE MIS€ELLANY« ©r, 

«g;ttn. The receipt was prefendy brought and put into 
her hands, when his Grace faying that henad inquired into 
her huiband's charafter, and had heard that he wasanhoncflr 
man, and had been long his tenant, added to his former 
bounty by giving her thirty guineas, and then bid her go 
home and rejoice with her femily* 



From the ORIENTAL ECLOGUES. 
ECLOGUE III. 

A B R A; or^ the Georgian Sultana. 

SCENE, a Foreft. 

TIME, the Evening. 

IN Georgia's land, were Tefflis' tow'rs are feen. 
In diftant view along the level green. 
While evening dews enrich the glitt'ring glade. 
And the tall forcfts caft a longer (hade, 
What time 'tis fweet o'er fields of rice to ftray 
Or fcent the breathing maze at fettjng day; 
Amidft the maids of Zagen's peaceful grove, 
Empyra fung the pleafuig cares of love. 

Of Ahra firft began the tender drain, , 
Who led her youth with flocks upon the plain : 
At morn Ihe came thofe williBg flocks to lead. 
Where liliies rear them in the wat'ry mead ; 
From early dawn t>he live-long hours fhe told> 
'Till Jate at filent eve fhe penn'd the fold. 
Deep in the grove beneath the fecret fhade 
A various wreatli of od'rous flow'rs fhe made: 

* Gay^motley'd pinks and fweet jonc^uils fhe chofe. 
The violet blue that -on the mofs-bank grows ; 

* That thefe flowers are found in very great abundance ij> 
feme of the provinces of Perfia j fee the Modern Hiftory of the 
ingenious Mr. Salmon, 

- All* 



i 



^. 



A COLLECTION OP l^SSAYS, kc. t^^ 

AU-lweet to fenfe, the flaunting rcrfe was there? 
The finifh'd chaplet well-adorn'd her hair. 

Great j^bhas chanc'd that fated morn to ftray. 

By love condufced from the chace away ; 

Among the vocal vales he heard her fong, 
- And fought the vales and echoing, groves among : 

4t length he found, and woo'd the rural maid ; 

She knew the monarch, and with fear obey'd. 
" Be ev*ry youth, like royal Jbbas mov'd, 
** And cv'ry Georgian maid, like Jbra loy'dV* 

The Voytil lover bore her from the plain,; 
Yet ftill her crook and bleating flop k remain r 
Oft as fhe wcnt,^ fhe backward turn'd her view, 
And bad that crook and bleating flock adieu. 
Fair happy maid ! to other fccnes remote;. 
To richer fcencs of golden pow'r and love I 
Go leave the fimple pipe, and ftiepherd's ftrain ;; 
With love delight thee, and with Jbbas reign 
" Be ev*ry youth, like royal Jbbas mov'd, 
" And ev'ry Georgian maid, like Jbra lov'd !** 

Yet midft the blaze of courts flie fix'd her love 
On the cool fountain, or the fhady grove ; 
Still with the fliepherd's innocence her mind 
To the fwcet vale, and flow'ry 'mead inclined j 
And oft as^ IJjring renewed the plains with flow'rs i ^ 
Breath'd his foft gales, and led the fragrant hours^ 
^ With fure return fhe fought the fylvan fcene, 
The breezy mountains, and the forefts green^ 
Her maids around her mov'd, a duteous band! 
Each bore a cfook all-rural iii her hand : 
Some fimple lay, of flocks and herds they fung j 
With joy the mountain, and theforeft rung. 
" Be ev'ry youth, like royal Jbbas mov'd, 
" And ev'ry Georgian maid, like Jbra lov'd !'* 

And oft the royal lover left the care 
And thorns of ftate, attendant on the fair; 
Oft to the fliades and low-roof 'd cots retir'd^ 
'Or fought the vale where firft his heart was fir *dr 

Aruf. 



1 



A ruflet maintle, likc's fwain, he vore^ 
And thought of crcwns aud bqfy courts no mt^cv 
" Be ev'ry youth, like royal Mkas moV'd, 
'< And ev'ry Georgian maid, like yibra lov'd P 

Bleft was the life, that royal ^Hikas led : 
Sweet sra« his love, and tonoeent his bed. 
What if in wealth the noble maid excel; 
The fimpie (hcpherd ^1 can love a^ i^. 
Let thofe who rule ob Perfia's jewell'd thrPi^ 
Be fam'd for love, and gentleft love alone; 
Or ^^reath, like Abbas^ full of fair renovm. 
The lover's myrtle, with the warrior's crovriu 
O happy days ! the maids around her (ay ; 
O hafte, profufe of blefflngs, hafte a\^ay i 

" Be ev'ry youth, like royal Jbbas mov'd ; 

** And ev'ry Georgian maid, like Ji^a tov'd !** 



EPITAPH oh General WOLFE, E 

I 

In the Church oi Wefterbam, in Kent. 

JAMES, 

iSon of Colopel Echvard IVolfo, and HeRrietta his Wife,* 

,Wa$ bom in thi? Parift, January, 2, ^727, 

And died in Jmmi;a, S$pimifr 13, 1759, 

CONQJJERdR of QJJEBEC, 

WHILE Georgb in Sorrow, bows hts laureU'd HtaA^ 
And bids the Artift grace the Soldier dead. 
We raife no fculptur'd Trophy to thy Name, 
Brave youth, the faireft in the Lifts of Fame ! 
Proud of thy Birth, we boaft th' aufpicious Yeiar ; 
Struck with thy Fall, we (hed the gen'ral Tear ; 
With humble Grief infcribe one artlefe Stone, 
And from thy matdilefs Honours date our own.; 



'M 



A GOlLEGTlON OF fiSSAYS, &c. ' tj) 
Tq the pRINTERi 

AMlDST tk^ yfu:ipu$ clafleS of people, Who sirt ettg^ccii 
' in dUierent bufineiles ^d handicraft trades, wo m^^ 
find a ftrange ambitio|i in them to mix \idth the herd, and 
aft each . his part on the ftage of politics. ASf this thir ft for 
political knowledge arife^ from tW riatiird afeftipn w^idi 
every individual bears towards his eountty, a6d that (Hare 
which each (as a meiiiber of the community!,' which he iji 
ihi$ private capacity conjtributes to fupport) thinks himfeif" 
V entitled to, an4 Interefted in, to Inipect into the condiidl oif 
public affairs ; fo diat zeal for the public weal, the care o^ 
'which is only entrufted to thofe in the higheft fphere of 
life, we fee often blaze out in the midding clafs of peopl^* 
We fliall hear the mecbanicfamiliarly converfe on politics wheh 
employed at his daily work, and adapt all the terms of hiS 
art to his political topics ; the Shoemaker fays, that his ySA? 
work and aim is direftcdto the one point, the good of hi3 
country ; that the;re has been pinching work of late, and he 
knows well were thtjboe pinches 5 that he will forfeit his alt^ 
i£ the work now in hand won't Come to a bad endi that the 
>enemy of his country is ih fnug and clofe quarters i that he 
who would offer to cramp or pinch his employer tp his hurl;^ 
deferves to he Ji rapped, nay, quartered; that all who gain atk 
injiep into power, flibuld t^ke care. how xhey flretch,\eR'^ 
rupture at die heels may enfue; that at long running all bai 
work will come to light, and at laft (hame the owners of it; 
that if trade goes on the {kssie footing it does noW, clogged 
as it is with all its incumbrances, we fhall. fcarcely, Whea 
the year is out, bring both efids to meet; that trade has beea 
of late very flack, through means of fbme S — e Coblers^ 
Patchers, and Heel-piecers, &c. who have endeavoured to 
undermine him, by repairing the tattered and worn out ftate 
'-T-of his work, who inflead of healmg and letting all to ^ 
tight?, have widened the breach, and impofcd on thfiir enai* 
ployers. 

The Taylor alfb fays, that vnon^meafures have been taketi^ 
and that in all meafures for the nation, the boiy^ with its 
feveral members, ought to^. be confulted and fitted, with the 
niceft regard, ai>d moft jjartiadar attention ; that every 
»an'fi t;oat ihould be cjit^cdr4iDg to his cloths tbsLt/canty 
T " fneafum 



138 ' THE POUTk MfSCELLANYt a a, ^ 

meafures have been of late purfued^ wkich he^ attributes to* 
the ielfifh aud clofe principles of fbme difaffefted people 
,of this nation, who, for the general opinion had of Taylors, 
to vni^ of thefr rr/W/>^, would laot employ W. P — t, who- ^ 
has been fome years State Taylor^ zndjittedthe Nobility and 
Gentry of this nation with the moit/crupubus nicety .^nd 
punEhiality ; that he has ferved in that flSation with integrity, 
affiduity, and (kill, by the approbation of the public voice, 
having acquired a thorough knowledge of his trade, and 
of the fafhions* of different nations, by long experience and 
application ; that the good of the community is abufed^ and 
cut Jbort. AforeigHt or a French Taylor is fure to cHp the 
fiirts of an Englifhman, to get all tht jo&h gcdng, and trim 
the nation, and thereby retaliate the injuries and lofs fuflained 
by his nation in the laift war.. What Briton, with a thimble' 
full of icnfe, will fuffbr the rights and privileges of his coun- 
trymen thus to be invaded ;^ tht /bears of F — n are akcady 
open, fome great perfonagcs are at prefcnt upon needles; a 
brood of vermin, blown by thegaleof intereftjn-om a N — m 
clime, invade our quarters ; they are on the point of cut' ' 
ting in and preying on the Conftitution; my legs are crqffed 
for the profperity of my country ; , and I comfort mylclf witli 
the hope that W. P. will, through his M— -y*i5 favour, be 
reftored to his former employment, and that he and his bre- 
thren will tmrk fof the nation on better and more advanta- 
geous terms r and that hjjiicking to the Jkirts of our enemies, 
and by tacking clofe all our fcattered and disjointed articles^ 
he will work out a firm and lafling union in this nation. 

The Smith and Farrier fay, there has hccn too clo/e paring, 
and the nail at the heel has been wrong driven, the quick 
touched, and the body endangered by the appearance of a 
fpreading mortification ;, that if he had the driving and direc^ 
tion, he would have enfured the fafety of bodily ftate, and 
have clinched the work, if the iron VTZsJlruck while it was hot, 
and Jiill glowed, every article would have been modelled with 
fafety and fktisfaftion; that the/prings of fome great per- - 
fonages carriages have been much relaxed, and want to be 
brought to a proper temper; that the wheels of a certain 
great. St — n's machine have been clogged by much greajing, _ 
and otherwife difordered by fome evil-minded people; that 
the S—- e is now on a bad footing, beinglnuch/ottwrf^r^^and 
gravelled by hard driving, and through the mifconduft of 
a Northern Farrier. The 



A nOLLECTlON OF ESSAY&, 5cc. 139 

'Thc| Jockey lays, there wUI be finefpbrtat the next gene- 
:ral meeting; that there wUrbe rare joftling in the Courfe 
of preferment; thatfome noble perfonages^ whoy7a^)^<?n the 
ireins and take head, bid fair for a^i//, and confequently a d^ 
location, while others, who lie on the forrA, may h^^pen to 
be /pattered, may come vviforemoft and ^^a/ /A«n hollow, and 
the knowing ones thereby be taken in j that the race is not 
to the jSig/if ; bu^t w^^rfj mw/? when the devil drives^ 

The Glover lays, there is rare work likely to be In hand 

fopn, and if the/eam-work be not vrtlljifpported, an irrepara- 

ble rupture may enfue ; that the cuflom of fome Noblemen 

ha$ greatly flackened, not daring to cover their hands, for 

fome private reafom notfo very proper to be told. The greater 

number of our noble countrymen maijjit down andjhew their 

Jingers, if .Canada, and the reft of our northern conquefts, be 

not well fecured, hy ftitching them ckfe together, and thereby 

^pt^YttiX. their flipping thrmgh our jingers: Some meddling 

|)eople, of a colder clime than ours, and who confequently 

-would keep their hands warm, would fain rip them open. 

The Confeftioner fays, there will be a great ialefor//gar- 
plumbs, at the next general meeting, to 7&/> the mouths cf 
many, to prevent z multiplicity offpeech, and to palliate .many 
tinfavoury truths : Too great a torrent of eloquence may 
breed a confufion of tongues, and offend theorgans^of deli- 
cate ears. The candid fentiments and fugar*d eloquence of 
Mr. P — :, he hopes, wiU preferve the trade of this nation, 
and fecure thofe articles of trade which are neceflary to 
:liis calling- , 

Thus have I gone through this metaphorical language of 
inany of our political -tradefinen and mechanicks, whofe 
manner of phrafe, however indelicate or gpthick it may 
found, yet is very >oppofite to their feveral profeffions and 
occupations, and will like a rude and gotbick ruin, convey 
an idea of true native fimplicity and elegance. 

H.G. Faber. 

RULES to make a GOOD TRADE S MA N. 

Vin'Ndeavour to be perfeft in the calling you are engaged 
r^i in; and be affiduousin every part thereof: — Induftry 
Jbelng the natural means of squiring Wealth, Honour, and 
Reputation^ — as Idlencfs is of Poverty, Shame, and Dif- 
,gracc. T 2 II. 



J4d TrtE POLITE MlSCfiLLANY: q\, 

II. Lay a gdod fpuhdati6n in regar4 to prindpfe :«----Be 
fure not wilfully to over-|-each or deceive your neighboii' j 
■ but keep aI^yays in your eye the gblden r^lcpf * JDoing is 
^Irou would be done unto.* 

IIL Be ftrift }n difcharging all legal debts: Do hot evade 
your creditors by any (huffllng arts in giving notes tttid^:' 
your hand/ only to defer payment. "But, if you have it la 
your power, difcHarge all debts when they bfccoriie'jtjue. 
Above all, when you are ftraitned for Want of mofiey, b^ 
^autipus of taking it up ait high intcreft. T'his htas b&^ 
the fuin of many, therefore endeavour to' avoid it. ; 

IV. EndeavQur to be as much in your (hop. or WareHodfft, 
or in whatever place your bufinefs properly lies, as pbjfi6iy 
you can ^ Leave \t hot to ferv^nts to tranfadl ; for ctiftbtners 
will not regard mem as yourfclf ; they generally' think' they 
fhall not be fo Veil ierved; Befides, mift^kcs xnay uriffe bjT 
the negligence or inexperience of Ifervants; and thereford 
your pi-elcnce v^ill preyent, probably,* the loft of ji gdk)d 
^uftonier. , 

"' y. Be coinplaifant to the me^neft, as Well as the greateft: 
You are as much obliged to ufe good manners fdr a farthrag 
as a pound; the one demands it frbni you as W^ll as the 
other. ". . ./ , • 

VI. Be npt too talkative, butlpeak as'bu'ch as i? necef^ 
fary to recoiTnneh(i ydiiT goods ; and always obferve to ke^ 
Within the rules of decency. ' If cuMnj^ flight your gooilsj 
iand undervalue them, endeavour to convince them of thdir 
miftake, if you can, but not aiffront them: Do not be pert 
in your anfwcrs, Biit with patience hear, ^nd with meeknefs 
give an ^Iwer ; for if you affront 'in a' fm^H matter, it tnay 
probdbly hinder you from a future good cuflomer. * They 
may think that you arc dear in the articles they want; but, 
by going to another," may find it not fo, and probably may 
return again; but if you behave rudely and affront them, there 
is nohope either of their returning, or their future cuftom. 

VII. Take great care in keeping your accounts Well: 
Enter every thing neCeflary in your books with neatnefe and 
exadlnefs; often ft^te your accounts, and examine whether 
you gain or lofe;" and carefully furvey your ftock, and infpeft 
into every particular of your affairs. 

VIII. Tak^ care, as inuch as you can, whom you truft: 
Neither take nor give long credit; but, at the firtheft, fetdc 

your 



A C O L L E eJ T 1 6 N' aF E S S XV S^^ ^c. i^ 

fc^UT accounts knaiiajijr;* Deal at fte f^^iiirthc^a' fe^^ 

many articles' as yoii c^f ^d- If 5t;fiS§*ffl 

re^dy mpneyr T?his^ meAbd' j^u W^ 

profitable in the end, Ei^3^t<i^*t36^fiika-p^^ 

jn your way, but do n6t w6^&6ck foixr^fAM,hptktt^T 

Jnga great figure in y^'^ihbp/'m tiifM^^ 

but let it beneat.andulcftfl: Too great an appearance a^y 

rather iM-eventtJiaJi Engage cuftomers. " V ' * 



n the Rmensrid Dr. AYSCOUGH, at OXf^ORD, 
Writ fHm P ARIS^ An7i9 1728. \ 

SA Y, deareft Friend, how roll thy hours away ? . 
What pleaillig ftudy cheats the tedious day ? 
JDoft thou the iSacrcd Ypiumes oft explore ^ . 

Of- wife antiquity's iinm6rta(l jore, 
Where virtue, b^ the charms of wit refin'd, 
.At once exalts and jHJiflie^ the niirid? 
;tHow diff'rcnt from dur , modern, guilty art,. 
' Whici^ pleafes pnly, ta corrupt the heart; ' 

Whbfe curu refinements odious vice adorn,. , ^ 

And teach to honour wliat we ought to fcbrn ! 
Doft thou, in fage hlftbrians, joy to fee,^ . 
How Roman greathefsfofe with liberty B. ' ' ' 
How the fame hands, that tyrants (iurftcpntrpul, 
Their empire ftretch*d.frpm Atlas to 'tjie^pp^ 
Till wealth and conqueft ititp flavcs^fefin*d 
The proud, luxurious matters of mankind? . 
Doft thou, in lettered (3 rcece each'' charm admirie;. 
Each grace, each virtue, freedoili cou*cl ihfpire. 
Yet in her troubled ftates fee all the woes, , > 

And all the crimes that giddy faftion ippws; 
Till rent by parties, by corruption fplicl,''' 
Or weakly carelefs, , or too ralhly boldi ,.-^ 

She funk beneath a mitigated dpom, : 

Theflave, and tutVels.af^proteftingjR^pme ? 

Does calm philpfophy hi^r aid impart,' 
To guide the paiKon^, and to ihend the heart ? 
Tiiught by her precepts, haft thou learnt the end 
To which, alone, the wife their ftudies bend 5 

Ta 



i-,' 



^1' 



%j2 THE POLITE MISCELLANY: t)*, 

. To whkb, aloncy by nature were defign'd 
^ The pow'r of thou^t — to benefit mankind ? 
. . Not like the cloyiler*d drone, to read and doze, 
In undeierving, undclenr'd repofe; ^ 

But reafon's ^'ence to diffufe, to clear ^ 

Th' enlightened world of ev'ry gloomy fear ; 
Diipel the mill of error, and unbind 
TJiofe pedant chaiJis that clog the free-born mind, 

Happy, who thus his leifurc can employ ! 
He knows the pureft hours of tranquil joy ; 
I^Ior vex*d with pangs that bufier bofoms tcar» 
Nor lefs to foeial vktue's pleafing care ; 
Safe in the port, yet labMog to fiifbun 
Thofe who dSill float on the tempeftuous main. 

So Locke, the days of ftudious quiet, fpent; 
So Boyle, in wifdom, found divine content ; 
So Gambray, worthy of a happier doom, 
The virtuous flave of Louis, and of Rome ! 

Good * Wor'fter, that fupports his drooping age. 
Far from court-flatt'ry, far from party-rage ; 
He, who in youth a tyrant's frown derjr'd ; 1 

. Firm and intrepid on tis conntry'*s fide — - V 

Her boldeft champion then, and now her mlldeft guide— J 
O gen'rous warmth ! O fanftity divine i 
To emulate his worth, my friend, be thine : 
Learn, from his fife, the duties of the gown ; 
Learn iiot to flatter, nor infult the crown ; 
Nor, bafely fervile, court the guilty great. 
Nor ralfe the church a rival to th^ ftate : 
To error mild, to vice alone feverc, 
Seek not to fpread the law of loVe by fear ; 
' The pricft, who plagues the world, can never mend ;. 
No foe to man, was e'er to God a friend ; 
Let rcafon, and let virtue, faith maintain. 
All force, but theirs, is impious, weak, and vain. 

Me other care^, in other climes, engage, 
Cares that become my birth, and fuit my age ; 
In various knowledge to improve my youth, 
And conquer prejudice, worft foe to truth ; 
By foreign arts, domeftic faults to m^d, 
Enlarge my notions, and my views extend : 



* Dr. Hough. 



The , • • 



A COLLECTION OF ESSAYsl &c. 14} 

The ufeful fdcnce 6f the vforld to know. 
Which books can never teach, or pedants fhcw. 

A nation here I pity and admire, 
Wbofe noble fentiments of glory fire ; 
Yet taught by cuflom*s force, .and bigot fear. 
To ferve with pride, and boaft the yoke they bear ; 
Whofc nobles, born ta cringe, and taconwnand. 
In courts a mean, i^ camps a gcnYooff band : 
From prieft and tax-jobber, content, receive 
Thofe laws, their dreaded arms to Europe give ; 
Whofe people, vain in want, in bondage bleft; 
Though plunder'd> gay ; induftrious, tho*^ opprefi*d ;, 
With happy follies r'de above their fate, 
- The jeft and envy of each wifer ftate. 

Yet here the Mufes deign'd a-while to fport. 
In the fhort fun-fhine of a favoring court : , 

Here BoHeau, ftrong in fenfe, and fharp in wit, 
• Who from the ancfents, like the ancients writ; 
Permiflion gained inferior vice ta blaftie. 
By lying incenfe to his mafter'S fame. 
Here Moliere, fir ft of comic wits, excelPd 
Whatever Athenian theatres beheld ; 
By keen, yet decent fatire, (killed to pleaie. 
With morals, mirth unidng, ftrength, with eafe. 
J Now charm'd I hear the bold Corneille infpire 
Heroic thoughts with Shakefpear's force and fire ; 
Now fweet Racine with milder influence move 
The foften'd heart to pity and t^ love. 

With mingled pain and pfeafure I furvey 
The pompous works of arbitrary Iway ; 
Proud palaces that drain'd. a people's ftore, 
Rais'd on the ruins of th* opprefs'd and poor ; 
Where e'en mute * walls are taught to flatter ftatc^ "^ 
And painted triumphs ilile ambition great. 
With more delight f thofe pleafing flSides I yiewi, 
Where Condc from an envious court withdrew; 
Where, fick of glory, faftion, pow'r and pride^ 
(Sure judge how empty all, wto all had try'd) 
beneath his palms the weary chief repos'd. 
And life's great fcene in quiet virtue clos'd. 

With 

* ne vj/lories of Lpmis JfiK, painted /> the galkrUs (^ 




J44 THE P.OJUI T JE, >^IS.C^LLANY : o i^^ 

With (hame4:.tiwt atb^ fam'<J r^^r^t I fee^ 
Adom'd by art, difcrac'd by luxury ; 
Wh6rc Orleans wafted ev'ry vacant hour , 
la-the wild riot of unbounded pow'r ; 
Where feyerUh debauch, and impious love, 
Stain'd the mad table, and. the guilty grove. 

With tbefe amufements is thy friend detain 'd, 
Pleased and }^?;u4l^d in a ^foreign land; 
Yet oft a tender wifli recalls my mind 
From prefent joys, to dc^er left behind; 
With rfiee I long, in Oxford's filent wood. 
To trace the labours of the wife and good ; 
To paint, with wonder and delight renew'd. 
Each rarer fcene my wandVing eyes have vkw'd i 
To open all my mind's ccrflefted ftore. 
To tell the joys I felt, the pains I bcfire j 
Pains, which thy prefence wou*d have beft alky'dy 
And joys, imperfeft, by thy ablence made. 

O native ifle, fair freedom's happy feat ! 
At thought of thee, my bounding pulfes be?t ; 
At thought of thee, my heart impatient burns. 
And all my country on my foul returns : 
When fliall I ,fce thy fields, whofe plenteous graia 
No pow*r can raviftilFro^n th' induftrious fwain ? 
When fhall I ki|s the facred earth that bore 
A RufleJ, Hamblen, Sidney, Cecil, More ? 
When in the fllade of laws, th^t lo^g have ftood 
Prop'd by their care, or ftrengthen'd by their blood ; 
Of fearlefs independence wifely varn, 
The proudeft Have of Bourbon's race, difdain ? 
Yet, oh ! what ^lubts, wha^t fad prefaging voice, 
Whifpers within, ^ and, bids me not rejoice ; 
Bids me contemplate evVy ftate around. 
From fultry Spain, to Norway's icy bound j 
Bids their, loft rights, their ruin'd glories fee, 
And tells me— -thefc, like England-— once were fte^V 

i . i St. Cloud. 






■•*« 



F\ 



A GOLLEGTiaNOFi ESSAYS, dqc. ' 145 

C L JL J%,z[id'-J E Jn N E :Y,i f 



CaXL IN. 

AS grateful in fpring id-e'the flowers to die Bee, 
So charming, fo plealiti(jg,'i8 Jenney tq me ; 
Thy abfence feeaiS td mealong vdaiter's nigHt; 
Thy prefcnce reftorer'iiie to warmth and delight. 

J £:N:M E Y. 
Young Collin, ftand off, for I'm qtiit€ out of breath, . 
I've met the young Squijre, he has t^z'd me to death, . 
He kifs*d me, he|:»rds'd &e> he ftroak*d up my. hair, 
And Iwore, in the village, that none was lb fan:.' 

COL LI N. 
Laft night at the wake, that was kept in yon dale, 
Young Molly wou^d treat me with cakes and- with ak, 
She gave me thefe ribbons I wear in my bat, ' 
And a kifs in the bar^in, what fay you to that? 

JENNEY. 
Tpu'll pardon my doubts, but admit it was trub. 
Where youVe had one kifs, I am fure I've had two, 
Befides a fair promife^ if I wou'd be kind. 
Of fuch pretty things, that I'm half in the ihind. 

CO L L I N. 
O I Jenney thy words have ftruck deadi to my heart ; 
Adieu, fickle maid, let us inftantly part; 
And better that Collin flton'd ilee from thy net. 
Than (lay to be trapp'd by a Jilt or Coqtiet. 

J E N N E Y. 
Recall, my dear Collin, this fentence fevere. 
For Jenney but try'd.if your love was fincere; 
From guilty enjoyments no pleafore can lpring> 
And Jenney for thee wou'd look dov^tx on a king. 

BOX H. 
Adieu, racking doubts, needlefs fears, and furmife. 
Ye heart wounding thou^ts that from jealoufy rife; 
Fair truth (hall the cloud of fufpicion remove, 
And brighten the funftiinc of virtue and love. 

U 



''^ 



146 THE POLITE MISCELLANY: Or, 

A RECIPE for an ASTHMA, 

MARCUS, old Friend, accept from Me, 
The following Rules without k Fee. 

An AfUima is your Caie, I think, 

So you ttraft neither Eat nor Drink r 

I mejim, of Meats preierv*d in Salt, 
Nor any Liquor made of Malt: 
From feaibn'd Sauce, avert your Eyes, 
From Hams, and Tongues, and Pidgeon Pyfis: 
If Ven'fon Pafty's fet before ye. 
Each Bit you eat — Memento mori: ^ 
Your Supper, Nothingr— if you pleafe'-- 
But above all — r- no Toafted Cheefe, 

*Tis likely, you wll now obfcrve. 
What LjMrefaibe will,make you ftarve; 
No .---I allow you at a Meal, \ 

A Neck — —a Loin or Leg of Yeal: 

Young Turkeys, I allow you Four— — 

Partridges r Pullets ^-r — half a Score: 

Of Houfe Lamb boil'd eat Quarters Two — ? 
The DevH's in't — if That won't do. 

Now as to Liquor why,' indeed. 

Might I advife it (hou'd be Mead: 

Glaffes of Wine, f extinguifh Drought, 
Drink Two, with Water^-— Three, without, 
Let conftant Exercife be try'd. 
And fometimes Walk, and fometimes Ride; 
Health's oft'ner met on Highgate Hill, 
Than in th' Apothecary's Bill. 
Be not in hafte, nor think to do 
Your Bus'neft with a Purge or Two: 
Some, if they are not well at once. 
Proclaim their Doftor for a Dunce; 
Reftlefs, from Quack to Quack they jange,' 
When 'tis Themfelvcs they ought to change. 
Nature hate? Violence and Force—— ' 
By Method led, and gentle Courfe : 
Rules and Reftraint you muft endure. 
Ills brought by Time, 'tis Time muft cure : 
. The IJk of Vegetables try. 

And prife Pomona in a Pye— --:? 

ypung J 



A COLLECTION OF ESSAYS, &c. 147 

Young Bacchus* Rites you inuft avoid,- 
And leave fair Venus unenjoy'd: 
Whatever. you take, put fomewhat Good inj 
jAjid vrorfhip Ceres — in a Pudding—— 
For Breakfaft— i- it is my AdviCe — 
Eat Gruel — * Sago.— ^ Barley— Rice: 
Take Burdock Roots—- and by my Troth, 
I'd mingle Daifies in my Broth. 

Thusj you with Eafc may draw your Breathy 
Deluding, what you drl^d not, Death ; 
Laugh with your Friends, be gay and thrive, .. 
Enrich'd by Thofe whom, you furvivei 



Jn A NEC DO ft reldtive to Sir E D WA R D 
SEXMOUR and Sir JOHN MEADE. 

SIR Jphii Meade, the anceftpr of the late Dr., Meade, 
was bred to the law in Ireland^ and was defer vedly dif- 
tinguifh*d as one of the fincft Orators that ever that nation 
produced. It happened that Sir Edward Seymour hadaa 
efkte of 5000I. a y^ fell to him in Ird^d; but this 
^as a fortune too eonfidcrable to hope to get pofleffion of 
without difficulty, as there were other claimants under the 
lame title, and therefore he found his perfonal appearance 
in that kingdom abfolutely neceflary< It is to be obferved 
that sir Edward Seymour was accounted theproudeft man 
in England; and Sir John Meade was no lefs remarkable 
for that iaiAe fault. Sir Edward landed at Dublin, filled 
with that fovcreign contempt which Engliftimen generally 
have for the whdfe country ; and meeting with fome of his 
old friends who held the principal polls of honour there, 
he enquired. Whether there ivere any fuch creatures as law 
yers to be met with in that damn'd place P They aniwer'd, 
T>x, and thofe very good ones; but if he had any caufe of im- 
portance to try, he mull apply himfelf to Sir Johiji Meade, 
if he hoped to carry it. JVell^ faid he, leti oneqfmyfeUfrwsgo 
and fetch him* Your fellows ! Sir Edward, laid one of the 
gentlemen ; why 'tis odds if you can get aqcefs to him your* 
>feift IVhat the devil J returned he, do Irifl) kwyets takejuch 
Jiate upon them ? You are to confider. Sir Edward, {aid the 
other, he is a gentleman of family, has a noble fortune, and 
is fo eminent in his profcffion, that fliould he be cmploy'id 
a^inft you, you may bid farewell to your caufe., This Lift 
U 2 argument 

#.-■. .,.r^ 



t'i. 




148 I'HE POLITE. MISGEI-LANY J o r^ 

argument had fuch force with it> that Sir Edward, coftde-' 
fcended to wait on Meade tfee niBXt morning; who being 
apprized of what the otlier had faid,.refolved to be-asAately 
ashimfelf, and accordingly fent him down wordy tkitk»n»fs . 
very hufyy hut if he ivOuld pleaje tofiay tHlhe liJas at kijurey 
he would fee him; fo, Sir Edward was fhcwn into a parlour, 
where he, remained for an hour, to mortify, before ihe could 
obtain audience. When Meade thought he hacUhiainbled 
him enough, he then fent to. let him ' know, that he fbould 
be glad to fee him; and received hfmwidi a pditenefe natu- 
ral to him: but when Sir Edward went to open his cafe, 
he told him, he muft kdve his briefs for he could nc(t fpare time 
to hear him. Sir Edward laid down his brief with a purfc of 
gold upon it; and then taking his leave, departed full of 
indignation that he had now met an Iriihman prouder 
than himfelf. When the day appointed for trial came, 
there where feyeral eminent council engaged on the oppofite 
fide ; and Sir John, refbiving to try the patience of his client 
to the utmoft, permitted every one of. them to fp<*ak before 
him, without interruption^ and fat dravdng of birds with 
a pencil, while Sir Edward could hardly diflemblehis rcient- 
ment, thinking himfelf betray 'd, and judging from the plead- 
ings that the caufemuft inevitably be determined againu him. 
Atlength, however,Sir John flood up,,and dcfired to be heard ; 
and having made himfelf mafter of the fubjeft he was to 
fpeak upon, he fo fully refused all Sir gdward's aatagonifts, 
arid made his title, to the eftatefo. evident, and with fuch 
mafterly eloquence, that, he obtdned a decree to be put in 
immediate pofleflion. On the breaking up of the court, 
Sir Edward prefled Sir John to give him, his company that 
evening; but he excufed himfeff, telling iis client he was 
that night engaged to a club. Well, then, faid Sir Edward, 
let me accompany you, if you think it vdll not be difegree- 
able to your friends. Sir John made anlwer, they would 
all, he was fure, think he, did them honour. So accord- 
ingly, Sir Edward met them. Some of his friends find- 
ing him in bed at twelve o'clock on the enfuing day, he 
told th^m' he had, been up all night. With whom. Sir Ed- 
ward ?, 7FA/, return'd he, -with Hmier, Plato, Socrates, Cicero, . 
anfl all the ancient ^Greek^ard Otitin poets^ philofophers, and 
crotors', ' ' ' ■' 



} 




A COLLECTION OF ESSAYS, 4^r i^^v 



On P U B L I C C R E D IT. ^ 

PUBLIC Credit is a fubjeft which ddcrves ourferidus 
thoii^ts* • 

Credit in general is the truftirig another with our pro- 
perty, from our. confidence in his integrity and ability to 
repay us. 

Public Credit, therefcM-e, is the confidence had in the 
public pr6bity and powir, to perform the conditions up- 
on which we entruft to it qjir money. 

If now we go a Uttle back, and enquire into the origin 
of it, we (hall eafily underftand its nature. 

F6r many ages, the English Exchequer and Treafiiry were 
the officesof receipt and difburfenient, for thofefums which 
the Parliaments granted annually to defray the various ex- 
pences of government; and as long as naval force, and an 
armed militia, fecured us from fweign ittvafions, and the good 
fenfe of our Governors, from the more dangerous, becaufe 
inore expenfive; foreign alliances, it was pbffible, if not to 
reduce expence within the income, to prevent, however, 
any great difproportion. ' 

King William laicj the foundation of our prefent fyftem 
of Funds; but of him let us fpeak with reverence. If 
his averfion to the French King, and his jealouiyof the power 
of France, excited him to dip this kingdom deeper in conti- 
nental quarrels and fubfidies, than either its intereft or ability 
might require; let us remember, however, that we owe 
to thofe principles, and to his natural love of freedom, and 
hatred of tyranny, our deliverance from every kind of flavery. 
It is however neceflary to the fubjeft, to fay, that he, partly 
from a fuppofed neceffity, and partly from a fuppofed policy, 
increafed the expence fo much beyond the poffible extent of 
our annual income, that a new method was adopted^ 

A loan was formed upon the commcMi notions of mercan- 
tile credit; the principal was advanced for the purpofes of 
the States whiqhyras to be repaid ; and in the interim the 
intereft was afcertaincd. TTie Parliament, that is, the Na- 
tion by their Reprefentatives, became fureties for the prin- 
cipal, and for the punftual payment of the intereft; for 
which laft purpofe they impofed taxes, and appropriated the; 
' produce or the payment. 

The 




f50 THE POLITE MfSeELLANYr 0%, 

This very plain and fimple narration is the whole foundaJ^ 
^onof thofe immenfe edifices, |he Bank, Sotith-Sea, India-' 
Houfe, &c. in fliort, ot all oir public Funds, and confe-' 
quenlly of our public Credit, y Which may be called a confi- 
dence in the power and hqpefty of tne govemmept, tcy. 
diicharge the iateteft^ and give ibcufity for the principal 
intrufted to it. s ; 

The confequences of this account are obvious:. One of 
the moft material is, that public Credit dependsabfolutely 
^nd folely upon public Security, tbrnt tho intrinfic value of 
the Stocks can never be really leflcned, while the Security con-o 
tinues the fame; as long at the produce of the Taxes con- 
tinues appropriated ; fe long 'as the payments of the intereils 
are reg^laHy made; as long as ParHam^ents afiemble, or any 
one idea of Libcity and Property is left in England^ fo long 
the real valjie of the funds muft continue unaltered^ 

^nd fb it actually continues to all thoie who, having 
their fortunes in the funds, then live on the produce of them* 
But there are others, who, from motives of ncceffity, con- 
venience, avarice, and fraud, are perpetually dabUmgi as it^ 
is called, in them. For the purpoles of thcfe it is necefiary^- 
that as many events, as poffible ftiould give motion to thefo 
waters in which it is moft advantageous tor them to fifh when 
they are troubled. And they have, by degrees, brought 
their art to fuch perfeftion, that events, which can never 
affeft in any manner the real interefts of Great Britain, do, 
however, give rife and fall to our Slocks. 

Among thefe may be reckoned a change of Miniflry, 
which indeed is much more nearly connefted with them,, 
than almofl any thing that can be named. For as Credit 
is founded on our opinion pf the ability and honefty of our 
Truftees, an opinion of frugality in the adminiftratlon of 
' th^ Treafury muft increafe Credit, and vice verfa. 

I confefs, that I do not believe the prefent ftate of the 
Funds to have been aifefted, in any degree, by the prefent 
ftate of the Treafury ; and if it were worth the while, and 
to the fub}c6i, reafons fo adequate to their fall might be 
ailigned, as to leave no room for others. 

It- was however to be expefted, that an adminiftratlon 
who had bound fome of the moft confiderable monicd men 
to them, by a long ccnnmunication of minifterial advantages,, 
fliould endeavour to profit, in their turn, by thefe connec- 
tions; and ajt leaft to lay, by means of them, every po/fiblc 

obftadb 



'"ii^) 



A COLLECTION OF ESSA'XS, ate. is% 

,<ft>ftacle in the way <if their fUcctfCors; that they (hould 
^laim to themfelves the merit of the many millions which 
the whole kingdom fo Ipeely granted; that they fhould en- 
.deavour to ^make «s believe, that -the credit of the whole 
nation refides in them, and will ftandor fall with them ; that 
they fhottid aflert, th^t the c4ty, and, I fuppofe^ they muft 
mean the very opulent and rdpcftable Common Council, 
will not truft a new Miniftry; and that they alone are able 
to carry on the bufmeft of the publick. 

All this is natural ; but it k juft as nattirri that the peo- 
ple ihotild by degtees begin to open their eyes, and to en- 
quire whether the late Miniftry, or any Miniftry, have any . 
thing to do with .the -pubHc fecurity ; that they' Khpbld 
remeipber, that Credit was never chained to names brfinii- 
lies, to any clads or c-omlnnatibns of 4Ben oPiuaitions^f thkt 
it is the honour, the JAiftice, the fair 4ealing' of individuals 
and focieties which raife Credit aihong them. Whei^i^er 
thefe are found. Credit will live, thrive, and increafe; and 
therefore as long as the national honour and performance 
.of engagements continue, the great wheel of publick credit 
yrill^be kept in motion/ 

Credit depefiding on theQpimoQ whSch is entertttined of 
the honefty and ability of our Truftees, becomes liable to 
he more eafily >affefted than it ought : I % more eafily than 
it ought; becaufe, unlefs it was our opinion of any Admini- 
ftratlbn, that they <lefigned to U fen our feairity, ot ftop 
the payment rf our interefty the change of it ought not to 
afFeft Credit at all. 

Seme Account of The Conference,^ Poem, jufl put- 
lifhed by C. -Churchill. 4to, pp. 19. Price 2s, 6d, 

IT would have argued great want of tafte ftiould we have 
omitted taldng feme notice of this piece. It is fuppofed 
to be a dialogue between a Noble Lord and the Author ; the 
fubjeft is moftly a recommendation of that integrity of mind, 
which every honeft man ought to poflefs; this our Poet 
ftrongly recommends to prafticc. The piece now before 
us abounds, like moft of the produftions of this eccentric 
genius, in mafterly ftrokes of elegant and true fatire, the 
charafters, whidi are very naturally introduced, are ftrongly 
marked, and the defaiptions are lively and Ipirited; theian- 



t 



?f2 



THE POLITE MISCELLANY: or. 



i guage is pure wUbovit being fbidied ; the vcrfification is* 
^^picafipg if not harmonious, anji the fentiments loch as might 
paY.e.fallep with^prppi^jety from^the mouth of a Rpman 
Orator in the fir0 ages of the Repulplic. Our Satyrjfi has 
. beeaoft^ deemed feyere ; in this piece he fpares not himielf ; 
as a man, he owng h^ has fojbles, but happily for him they 
feem greatly counterbaUflced by his virtues; and amongft 
thcfc, Gratitude ftands foremoft indje lift. After enumera- 
ting the bleffings he now enjoys, andobferving thathecan- 
^not pnly fupply his owQ waats, but thofe of others in diftrefs, 
jbc lays: . . . . 

" Thefe, and what .other bleffings I poflefs, 
,Fr<M?i tiie indulgence, of the public rife; 
-Aljt private patronage my foul defies. 
.JBjy candour more inclined to fave .than dapm, 
A gjsn'rous Pu|}l}c made me what I am.' i 
iUll tha^ I have, they gave ; jnft memory bears, 
I T)^^ B^^^rf^il ftampj and what I am is theurs." 
. ,' Af^^r p^entioning, to^¥arlds the latter part of this poem, 
bow precarious his fiiuaitipn nught have,.been in ©/^r //Vw^/, 
he has thefe lines, . - n 

" /gjhilft Georoe isi KiAg, I cannot ;fear> ^dure, 

Not to be guilty.is^o b^fecure." , 

The piece concludes with the following patriotic and 
manly invocation. , 

V " Thoii God of Truth, thou great^ allrfearchingiye. 
To whom Qur thoughts, , our fpirits, open lie. 
Grant me thy ftrcngth, and in that needful hour 
(Should it e'er come) when law fubmits to power, 
"With firm refolves my fteady bofom fteel. 
Bravely to fufFer, tho* I deeply fed. 
Let me, as hitherto, ftil! draw my breath. 
In love with life, but not in fear of death. 
And, if Opprefiion bring me to the grave, ^ 

;Aud marks him dead, fhe ne'er fti^ mark a flay^» 
Let no tm worthy n^arks of gfief be heard, . > 
No wild laments, not oae unfeenUy word; 
Let fober triumphs wait upon my bi^r, 
1 won't forgive that friend who drops one tear> 
Whether he's ravifli*d in life's early morn. 
Or, in old age, drops like an ear of corn. 
Full ripe he falls, on Nature's nobleft plan» 
Who lives in reafon> and who dieSia man." 



A COLLECTION OF ESSAYS, to/ ica 

which an iNKocEiit Man wax mar being CoI^demnld 

?//>«?>i Circyn^anceSi 

',-■■■■ ^ '. ■ 't 

IN the reign of C^e^ri Eliijabcth, a Jierfofi -^^^ arraigne(f 
before Sir James Dyer, Lord Chief Juftice gf the Court 
of Coipmbn Pleas, bpoa an indiftiilent for the murder of* 
a man, Who dwelt in the fame parifti with the pIrSdApt, Th6 
firft witriefs againft him dcpofedj'That on a Certain day, 
lYientioned by the witriefe, in the rtiorhing, as he was gping 
through a clofe, which he particularly defcrib^d^'^a?t iome" 
diftance froni the path, he few a perfon lying irfa coS3itioit 
that denoted him to be either dead or drunk ; that he went 
to the party, and found him aftually dead, two wouncfe 
appearing in his breaft) and his fliirt and doaths much jffeuncd 
with blood; that tlje wounds appeared to the Witnds td» 
have been given by the punfture of a fdrk, o? fome fuch 
inilrument, and looking about he difcovered a fork, lying 
Hear the corpfe, which he t6ok up, and bbferVedit to h€ 
marked' With the initial letters of the priforier'S name, 
'the witnefs at -the fame time produced the fork ih Court, 
which . the prifoner oWned to ,be his, and waved afking 
the witnefs any qUeftionS* 

A fecond witnefs depofed, 'That, oti the itiornitig of the 
^y on which the deceafed was killed, the witnefs had rifen 
early with an intention to go to a neighbouring market- 
town, which he named — that as he Was ftandlng in the en- 
try of his own dwelling-houfe, the ftreet d66r Being open, 
he faw the prifoner come by, drefled in a fuit 6i cloathls, 
the colour and faftiion of which the witnefe defcribed — that 
he (the witnefs). was prevented from g6ing to market, and 
that afterwards the firft witnefs brought notice to the towil 
of the death and wounds of the deceafed, and cf the pri- 
foner** fork being found near the dorpfe — that upon this' 
report the prifoner was apprehended, and carried before' 
a Juiftece of Peade, whom he named and pdnted at, he 
b^tag then prefent in Court— thit he (the t^tnef$) followed 
thic prifoner to the Jufticc^s houfe, and atteinded Ms exa- 
mination, during which he olii&Ved di^ exdiange of raiment 
nrhl^li die prifoner had inpii, fince the time when the wii?« 
neft^ad firft feen Mm In, die morning— -that at the time , 
ofSfticrh ejfiimination the prifoner was drefled in tbe fame 
*' / X cloathf 



» 



^54 THE POUTft HlSCEIrLAKYr! a r, 

€loath$ ^^hk:h he had Oft at tbe-time of the trial, and that 
on the witnefles charging him wit^ having changed his clbaths, 
he gave feveral fliuffling an(wers, arid would have denied 
it -*-that upon the witnefies mentioning this circumftance 
of the change of drefs, the Jufticegraiiteda warrant tofe^rc|i 
the prilbner's houft for the cloaths defcribed by the witnefs as 
having been ^ut offfince the morriingv^tjiat the witnefs attenrf-^ 
ed, and aflifled at the fearch, aod that df ter a nice enquiry for 
two hours and upwards, the very cloaths, which thewitnel^had 
dcfcribed,, were difcovered bloody, concealed in a ftraw bed^ 
- — He then produced the bloody cloaths m Court, which the 
prifoncr owned to be his cloaths, and to have been fhruftintoi 
the ftraw bed with an int-cntiori to conceal them ofi account 
of their being. bloorfy. 

The prifoner alio- waved; a&ingthis fecond witnefs any* 
queftions, 

A third witnefs depofed to his having heard the prilbner 
deliver certain menaces againft the deceafed, from whence 
the profecutor intended to infer a proof of malice prepenfe. 
In anfwer to which, the prifoner propofed certain queftions 
to the Court, leading to a difcovery of the occalion of the 
menacing exprefiioris depofed to, and from the witnelles 
anfwer to thofe queftions, it appeared, that the deceafed 
'had firft menaced the prifoner. 

The prifoner being called upon to make his defence, 
addrcffed the following narration to the Court, as containing 
all he knew concerning the manner and circumftanccs of 
the death of the deceafed, viz. ** That he rented a dole in 
the fame parifti with the deceafed', and that the deceal^ 
rented another clofe adjoining to it-— that the only way ta 
his own clofe was thro' that of the deceafed, and that oo the' 
day the murder in the indiftment was faid to be commiifted,. 
he rofe early In the morning, in order to go to work in his 
clpfe, with his fork in his hand, aijd paffing throV the dc- 
ceafed's ground, he obferved a man at fonie diftance from the 
path, lying down^^asif dead, or drunk; that he th^pght 
himfelf bound to |ee what condition tlie perfon was in, and. 
upon getting up to him he found hrm at the laft extreniity, 
\^lth two Vc^unds in his breaft, from which a great liesdE' 
of bbod /lad ifTued-— that in order to relieve him, he railed' 
him up, .and. Avjth great difficulty fet him in his Lap — that' 
hie told the dccjeafed lie .>vas greatly gonccriipd at his linhap- 




A COLLECT 10,^, OF ESSAYS, &c. ijy 

fy fate, apd t|)e n^orc^ia ^^ there fecaned to be tqo much 
T^afon to appreliena^^te^^^ mlir||ered-.--^t 'he in- 

treated *|the deceal^d* tfo 4ifbovcr, if p^ble, tlie occafion 
of hi^ misfortune, alturing Kim he would ufe his utmoft - 
endeavours to do juiliee to his fuffcrings — tha^ the deceafed 
ieemed" to 'be fenfible of what he faid, and, in the midft of 
lys agonies, attempted^ as ne thought, to fpeal^ to him, but 
beihg feized with a rattling in his diroat, after a hard ftrug- * 
-gle,.he gave a dreadful gro^^and vomiting a gpif^ i^<£: 
blood, fome of which felt oh his (the prifoner's) cloaths, 
lie expired in his arras— -th^t the fliock lie felt on. account 
of this accident was not to be exprefled, and the" rather, as 
it was well known that there had been a difference between 
the deceafed and himfelf, . on which account he might pofli- 
bly be fufpefted of. the mprder— -that he therefore thought 
ft advifeable to leave the 'deceafed in the condition he was^ 
an4 »to take no farther notice of the matter — that, In tlic conr 
fufion he was in wben he left the place, he topk away the 
<feceafed\ fork, and left his own in the room of it, by the 
ifide of the corpfe— -that^ being obliged . to go to his work, 
lie thought it beft to ftiift his cloaths ; and that they might 
not be feen, he confefled he had hid them in the plaee 
where they were found — that it was true he had denied 
before the Juftice that he had changed his cloaths,, being 
confcious that this was an ugly circumftancc that might be. 
urged againft him, and being unwilling to' be brought into 
trouble, if he could help it-and concluded his ftory with 
a folemn declaration that he had rela|:cd nothing but the 
truth, without adding or diminifhing one tittle, as hefliould 
Anlwer it to God Almighty." Being then called upon to 
produce his witnefles, the prifbner anfwered, with a fteady, 
-cpmpofed countenance and refolution of voice. He had no 
iuitnefs but GOD and his cwn ton/cwnce. 

The Judge then proceeded to deliver his charge, in which 
he pathetically enlarged on the heinonfnefs or thq crime, 
and, laid great ftrefs on the force of the e^ridence, which, 
although circumftantial only, he declared he thought to be 
irrcfiftiblc, and little inferior to the moft pofitive proof--- 
that rile prifoner had indeed cooked up a very plaufible ftory, 
put Tf^fach, or the J[ike||tlegations, were to be admitted, 
in a cafe of this kind, to murderer would erer be brought 
■|o juftice, J uch bjoo'.ly deeds, being generally perpetrated 



\' 



m 



156 THE OOLITE mV^CELLANY/ q%, 

||i the darH/andwjiiil'the grca^cft feg-efy— .that the prefent 
cafe was exemptedj^in his opinion, from aljl poffibUity ' of 
4^ubt, and ti^at t^ ought not to h^fitat^ one momcm 
about finding tHe*^prifoner guilty. 

The Foreman, begged of his Lordftiip, as this ^yas a caft 
of life and d^th, that the Jury might be at liberty to with-, 
draw, and, upon this motion, an Officer ^vas f\Yorn to keep 
the Jury, 

This trial came on the firft in the morning, and the Judge 
having fat till nine at night, cxpefting the return of thq 
Jury, at laft fcnt an Officer to enquire if they were agreed 
in their verdict, and to fignify to them, that his Lordfhip 
would wait no longer for them. Some of them returned 
for anfwer, that eleven of theh' body had been of the fame 
mind from the firft, but that it was their misfortune to 
have a Foreman that proved to be a fingular inflance. of 
the moft inveterate obftinacy, who, having taken up a diffe- 
rent opinion from thew, was unalterably fixed in it. The 
Meflenger wa? no fobner returned, but the complaining 
members, alarmed at the thoughts of being kept under con-i 
finem^nt all the night, an4 defpaiiingof bringing their dif- 
fenting brother oVer to their owji way of thinking, agreed 
to accede to his ppiniou, and having acquainted him with 
thpii* refolutipn, thpy fent an Officer to detain his Lordfhip 
a few minutes, ^nd then went into Court, and by their 
Foreman brooght in the prifoner not guilty. His Lordfhip 
could not help expr^IEng the greateft furprize and indigna- 
tion at this unexpeftcd verdift, and, after giving the Jury 
a fevcre admonition, he refufed to record their verdift, and 
fent them back again, with diredlions that they fhould^^ 
locked up all night, witliout fire or candle. The whole 
blame was publlckly laid on the Foreman by the reft of the 
Members, and they fpent the night in loading him with 
reflexions, and bewailing their unhappy fate in being aflbcir 
ated with fo hardened a wretch- — but he remained quite 
inflexible, conftantly declaring he wpuld fufftr death, rather 
than change his opinion. 

As foon as his Lordfhip came into Court the next mprnT 
ing, h^ fent again to the Jury, on which all the eleven Mem* > 
bers joined in requefting their Foreman to go again into 
Conrt, afTuring him they would adhere to their former ver- 
^ift whatever was the confecjuence, and, on being Reproached 

with 



A COLLECTION OF ESSAYS, 6cc. 151 

Vith their former ikconftanC^; they prdihiied never to d^fert^ 
^r recriminate upon their Foreman any more. IXpon'thefe 
affurances, they prbceecjed into Court, and again brought 
in the prifoner npi guihy. The Judge^ unabli^ to conceal 
Ws rage at a ver'difl: which appeared to him. in the mofl: ini- 
qukous light, repix^ached * them witli the 'ftvereft ccnfiiresi 
and' difmifled them yith this cutting' reAeftidn, That tht 
'blood of the dcceafed lay at their door, \ - 

The prifoner on liis part fell on his knees, and with up» 
lifted eyes and hands thanJce<J God for his deliverance, Ptid 
addreffing himfeilf to tlie Judge, cried owX.Toiifeey my Lord, 
that GDD 0nd a good fonfcience are the hcft^ ivitnejfes, 

Thele circumftances made a deep Impremon on the mind 
of the Judge, and, as foon as he was retired from Court, 
"he entered into difcourfe with the High SheriiF, upon what 
iiad parted, and particularly examined him as to his kno\y- 
ledge of this Leader of thb Jury. The anfwer this Gentle- 
man gave his Lordfhip was, thrft he had been acquainted 
Vith him many years — that he had an eftate of his own 
of abov^ 50I. per annum j and that he rented a very confi^ 
derable farm befides- — that he never knew him charged with 
an ill aflion, an(} that lip was univerfally efteemed in his 
neighbourhood. >' 

For further Information his Lord/hip likewife fent for the- 
Minifter of « the patifti, who gave the feme favourable account 
of his pariftiipner, with this addition, that he was a conftant 
chprchmat]i, iiiA, a devout communicant. 

Thefe accounts rather increafed his Lordftiip's perplexity, 
,from which he could think of no expedient to deliver him- 
felf, but By having a conference In private with the only 
petlbn Who could give him fatisfafticm. This he defired 
the Sheriff to procure, who readily offered his fervicc, and 
without delay brought *1i&out the defired interview. 

Upon the Juryman's being introduced to the Judge, his 

Lor.dftiip and he retired into a clofet, where his Lordfliip 

opened his reafons for defiling that vifit, making no fcruple 

of acknowledging the uneafinefs he wa^ under, and conjuring 

ills vifitor frankly to difcover his reafons for acquitting the 

' prifoner. The Jurymai returned for anfwer. That he had 

iufficient reafon^ to juftl^his conduft, and that he was nei- 

•ther afraid nor afhamcd to reveal 'them, but as he had hl- 

iherto locked them up in bis own brcaft, and was under 

t ' no 



X 



158 THE POLITB MISCELLANY: or, 

fK> cidmptiUion to di£:Ipfe them, he expeAed his LordiUp 
would engage upon his honour to keep what he was- about 
to unfold, as fecret ^ he bimfelf had done ; which his Lord^ 
fliip having promifed to do, the Juryman then proceeded 
to give his Lordftiip the following account : " That the 
deceafed being Titheman of die parifli where he {'the Jury- 
man) lived, he had, the aioming of his deceafe, been in 
feis (the Juryman's) grounds amongft his corn, and had done 
him great injuflice, by taking more than his due, and afting 
Otherwife in a mc^ arbitrary manner — that when he com-^ 
plained of this treatment, he had notpnly been abufed with 
feu rrilous language, but that the deceafed had likewifcftruek 
at him feveral times with his fork, and had aftually wounded 
him in two places, the fears of which wounds he then (hewed 
his tordfliip— -that the deceafed feeming bent on mifchief, 
and be (the Juryman) having no weapon to defend himfeif, 
had no other w.^ to preferve his own life, but by clofing 
in with the deceafed,and w^renching the fork out of his hands^ 
which having efFefted, the deceafed attempted to recover the 
fork, and, in the {cv\Rey received the "two wounds,' which 
!^ad occufioned his death — that he was inexpreffibly con- 
<:erned at the accident, and clpedally when the priilbner was 
taken up on fufpicion of the murder — that the former affiles 
being but juft over, he was unwyiing to Surrender himfeif, 
and to confefs the matter, becaufe his farm and affairs would 
"have been ruined by. his lying in a goal fb long — that he was 
fure to have been acquitted on his trial, for that be had con-; 
fulted the. ableft Lawyers ypon the cafe, who had all agreed^ 
that, a§ the deceafed had been the aggreflbr, he would only be 
guilty of manflaughter at the moft — that it was true he 
had fuitcred greatly in his own mind on the prifoner^s ac- 
count, but being well affured that imprifbnment would be 
of lefs ill confequence to the prHbner, than to himfeif^ he 
had fuffered the law to take its courfe- — that in order tq 
render the prifoner's confinenient as eafy to him, as poffible, 
ht had given him every kind of aififtance, and had wholly 
fupported his family ever fince — that, in order to get him 
dcruxd o^ the charge laid again ft him, he could think cf no 
.other expedient than that of procuring himfeif to be fum- 
moned on the Jury, and fet at the head of them, which, 
with ^eat labour and expence, he had accompliflied, having 



A jC O L L E C T I O fq O F ^if sVa^ S/ Bccj^ 15$ 

fill along determined in his own breaft, rather to cfe himielf, 
than to fufFer any harm toht done to the pnftner.*^ 

His Lordfhip expreflcd great falisfaftidn at thiSsaccotint, and 
after thanking him for it, and liiaking this further ftipulatio% 
that in cafe his Lordfhip fhould happen to furvive him, hb 
might then be at liberty to rekte this ffory, that it might be 
delivered dotvn to pofterity^ the conference broke up. 

The Juryman lived fifteen years afterwards ; the Judge 
enquired after him every year^ and, happening ta furvive 
him, delivered the above relation., 



SHENSTONE's GARDENS 

AN ELEGY. ' 

Written in the Autumn^ ijC^. 
Jddrijfed to Mr. Hodgetts, at the Leasowes**. 

LONG filent lies the Mufe's lyre, 
, By carelefs negligence unftrung. 
Nor can we boaft poetic fire. 

To warm, or animate the fong. 
The meads no more refrefli the Iwain, 

With pleafihg Nat|ire*s gayeft trim. 
But daricnefs broodeth o'er the plain, . • 

And frowns "^ fuliginoufly grim. 
The fons of Riot, lawlefs ^rain. 

The more we fue, deny accefs. 
Who never knew to grieve at pain^ 

Or felt that hUppinefs- — To blefs. 
But Aill in Shenftoi^e's vernal bowers, 

The Mufe a folacc oft might find. 
To fpend in thought the fleeting hours. 

And read her hiftory- — Mankind. 
Perchance as near each moily dell, 

The penfive waller oft did rove, 
To lift'ning' woods the Bard would tell 

t The cares arid fears of anxious love. 

Ye 
* Wrote at a particular place ^ in Worcefierjhire, 
t Res eji follictti plena Tim^ris Am9r, Txbvl,^ 



r^ 



<feC 



1^0 THE.JPLITE MiSQELLANY: &t^ 

Yp dcred ^oyes ! ^t have inlpir'd, 

A pleafing ladnds o'er my^mind^ 
- How oft my.bofom Jbave ye fir'd, , ^ 

Or kill*d me jlWcctly-— riTweetly kind! 
But now iiK penfive, w^Ung ilrains. 

Each Hamadryad's beard to fay, . ^ 

* Th*. accuftbrniM, mafter's from the plains,^ , : ^ . 

* And tunes no more a rural ky. 

• * The nighthigale that greets the {hade, 

* And watch'd him near her fav'rite bower,^ 

* (For lonely contemplation made 

* At folenin, ferious, midnight hour^ 

* Alas! no more infpires the grove- - . 
'■ '* Nor trills again her mghtly fong,- 

* No niore complains of faithlefs love 

* Thefe facredf groves, and woods among^ 

* The widowed blackbird in diftrels, 

* In artlefe fonrow learns to flow, 

* And muteful filence does poflcfs, 

* Each, feather'd mourner, finit with woe'. 
Canft thou the fon of Science, hear 

This modeft, wailing, pefiftve tale. 
And grudge the tribute of a tear 

As oft thou flray'ft along the vale ? — 
Within the vernal ftiade retired 

May t Hodgetts then, prolong the day,. 
Nor facrifice thefe groVes that fir'd, 

A tuneful Shenftone's polifh'd lay! 
For oh» the richeft gems that glow. 

On lartheft India's funny coaft, 
Compar'd, are but as mean, and low, 

When once a fweet idea's loft, — r 
Then may we view the fmiling Bowers^ 

Each purling brook, and fav'rite tree, 
Where chearful paft the happy hours, 
, O Shenftone, beft-belov'd, with thec^ 

Worcejierjhire. ' I^HlLANDEft; 

i 

f The prefent onaner^ nvh, propofes in a laudable manner 
fa keep thcwalks in the fame order — to 'whom the literary 'worlif 
in general, ive prefume, is greatly obliged, , . 



I 



* CdLLiGtl<yW 6y tiiA^ii St^r i6i 



Xri^J^O 



^^M JimcbOTt tektiWid OLIVER dROMWEtlj e6i^ 
'^yarning an Account (fan extraordinary political Stratdgtnti 

I..'. ...:.. 

5|^ARt>ENAS, wlien he was ambaflador in Engfand froni 
V-/ithe court of Spain^ though he had been treated with 
'Jilticotainon refpeft By Cromwell, yet could never be brought 
* to 'betray any of the fecrets of his court, or enter into any 
iheafurcs whatever to the prejudice of his nation^ in faVour 
of the proteftor's views; yet in point of policy the protec- 
tor wia^ too cunning for him; forVhile he was making 
prodigious naval preparations for the war againft Spain, hi 
harf the addrefs to make its minifter believe, that the fleet 
whifch Was fitting out was tb btf fent to fuccour the Spani* 
ards againft the duke of Guife ; and in this manner he 
dmufed him^ till the burning the galleons by Blake opened 
Itii eyils. Cardenas refented this fo much that when he was 
afterwards recalled, he traverfed every propolal of Cpcwn- 
Wdfs at the court of Madrid; fo that wWlc he remain^ 
-thel^ id office, the proteftor found he was not likely t6 
akr^Y any pointy He therefore determined his deftruftidh, 
. thodgh it was no ealy matter to efFeft it, as his credit wai 
Meat not oMy with the king his mafter, but with the wbote 
%)a^& court. Cromwell had conceived a way, however, 
'that he thought would accomplifti his ruin ; and to put it in 
^5ie^titi^ he fent for the keeper of Newgate, and privatelj 
^retiring with him into his clofet, afked him many queftiont 
^oDCerniryg the feveral qualifications of his priibners, and 
aohon^the reft if he had any in his cuftody remarkable for 
houfebrcaking. The goaler told him, there was a fellow 
4ttdfer fentence of death, that he believed could get in of 
Wti of any houfe in the^orld, if his hands were at liberty* 
"Hiin the protestor defired to fee, and him the goaler went 
fcttftatttly and fetched., The fellow was fuch a miferablc 
woc-btegon wretch that Cromwell flood aftoniflied at the 
fight df him, and more fo at the fpecimens of his art whicl^ 
!he praftifed at the inftiaiice of his keeper, on locks of the 
lAdfV curious contrivance ; thefe, though of difFercut forms^ 
lieteadily opened, and faid, there was no lock ever made 
^t he would not undertake to open in the iame manner^ 
tfhe keeper w^s then ordered to withdraw, and the protec-*. 
Wr/ after fome private difcoorft with the tdlow, remanded 
>^: '• ■ ,. . Y ■'• ' " ^ shim 



162 THE POJbiti MlSCEtLAsNY: 6m, 

him back to Newgate under the feme guard that brought 
•hrai. * But at the dead of night he &m a truftjr p^rfimto 
Newgate, with a warrant figned in form to the keeper, fot 
his releafement, and with orders to bring him again into his 
pfefence to receive foine inftruftic^S. When the fcdiow came 
the fecond time, the proteftorthen ftieWed him a pianJSf 
1a garden and pavilion, into which he w^s to make his way 
by opening a certain number of locks, each of which had 
three keys; and then he kfk^d him if he thought hejcouy 
cfFeft it, promiiing him not.dnly a free pardon buta coofid^r- 
able reward for his pkins. The fdlow faid1t>e could. Ifhepro- 
•teftor told him he fhoold be coftdufted to the pkc^ t^i^i^ 
the fervice "was to be ftrform'd and then he ^^uld kfleiit^ 
a letter given him, whidh he was to drop -todera'tj^bie 
that he would firid in the middle of the p^vifio|^-«$ 
^here rcprdfented in the, plan. This \v:(s all the feU^w 
"Was cntrufted with, an3 c^re had been taken) to. proiiitfc 
him fiiitable apparel, and every thing 'neceflfary fof W»jottrr 
bey and the fen^ice he w^ t6 jfcrform ; fo that he no ib0Qcr 
received his inftrtrftidns thart he washurryy off lmmedi«te}^ 
and put on boaird the veflel that carried him .to Spain. Thr 
perfon to whole coriduft he was intrufted had his inilm^iaili 
ilkewife ; but as the one did'not knov where he was tP.be 
carried, fo the other was riot acquainted with the hvfykfik 
of his companion Ivhen he had brought him to the'^cter- 
min'd place and g^eri him the lettdr; but -^as ioiUntly to 
leave him to himfelf , "and repair to Venice withf another fet^p^ 
Wiich he was to deliver to the EngUih erivoy'thei?e. Eii<sk 
of thefe performed his fetvice pun^JlualJy. -Thie letter l^ 
felon carried was dhrcaed to Don Cardenas, fecret$^^5>f 
fiate to the Spanifti king; &nd was written in EngUfh^fk 
Grofflwell's own haiid, thankiilg liim: for the care^. he Isuad 
taken to perform Kis engagements, ^tid acquainting lim^dfe 
io,oool. fterling which had been ftipukCcd was'tod^jbd 
in the bank of Venice fbr hb^fe, -anfd that. he might fdtiiw 
for it whenever he pleafed. Thi$ letter, as CrOiHwcUliia 
fcifefeen, was picked up by die kwafe, whoft cuftiHfl w»8 10 
repair to that pavilion etery morning to deliberate oir^^ 
wdghty af&u-s erf :the nation, and to^ read difpatches,a$w«ig 
«s to receive the advice and afflftanese of *bis (OoncH. ^fe 
kinglcno^ng the hadd, bu'tmbtiihderftaftd&^-the cont^rtSii 
was^greatly alarteed, and iituoedjatelyftut f<wr 1:he EngKfl 
l^efat, who read the contents tp his maje%« but protmed 



f 



'Hplffiovmct&i^^ Car(knat^ 

and'^is rioi^ftapy who, he (aid, wasot fuch a temper as never 
taeatartiflrailGondperfon with things of that nature. This- 
l]i<:f eafed bk majelbyr'sappr^enfionsy and when the councU 
adbflsyed, GaFdenas was ordered to withdraw^ anddi<e letter 
vr^'^ctd^OfGed by the kmg, with an accormt of its content^ 
a^ roe manQer of findiilg it; adding, diat Cardenas was 
indeed the laft man that fiit there except his majefty, the 
evetikig -l^fbre it was found. All unanin^oufly pronounced 
hkn a traytor ; and his whole conduA, while at the Englifh 
coarty was recalled to mind, and urged in proof of it; but 
his majefty, whofe afie^ion for him was iincere, was un- 
willing to judge fo raflily of him without further evidence, 
and knoM(dng the artifices of courtiers to difgrace or fupplant 
one another in their princes favour, and that it might not 
be impoflSfele that feme other of the council might coun- 
teifisit fuch a letler, and drop it there with a defign tq ruin 
C^enas, propo^l to trace the al&ir to the bottom before 
pftflSng fentence, by fending to Venice to know if fuch a pre*- 
cUk mm was lodged in the bank there, by whom lodged, 
aad for wbofe ufe. His majefty *s propofal was bought 
rea&oaUe, and a meflenger was immediately diipatched to 
the SpanSh imvk\&&r at Venice to make ftii6): inquh*y into 
the above particulars. The meflenger returned, and brought 
trilih faim the original order, dated the fame day with the 
Jbtter to Cardenas, written with the fame hand, and to re- 
Btoiae ail fu^picion,- feaied with tbe proteftor's own feal and 
t^ great feai of Eojg^^md annexed. — There now remained no 
fanher doubt. Cardenas was infamoufly degi^ded, and his 
«&te xoiifi£:ated; but his majefty^ by reaibnof his age and 
l^i^ feryices, thought fit tq {pare his life. , 

Jiff J NE CD TE relative to the late king of PR USSIJ. 
'^kniHE late king of Pniflia was remarkable all over Europe 
4L for an extravagant humour of Supporting at a vaft 
exffmot a regiment of the talleft men that could be pick'd 
op ihrooghout the world; and would"^ give a fellow of fix 
f<|0t and a h^f or more high, to lift, perhaps eighty or a 
hCMitred^ineas advance, befides the charge of bringing him 
f|iw th^ iarthenB<^ part of the globe, If it fo happened. 
Owe- d^y when Md Majefty was reviewing that regiment, at- 
tMkid by all the foreign ambofladors and moft of the great 
am^^ t( ralDk both ui.the court and army, he took occa- 



i 



p6^ THE POLITE MISCELLANTr: 9^^ 

Bon to aik the French minifter, who ftoodnearliUB^ if he ; 
thought his mailer had an equal number ol troopsinhis ^ 
fervice able to engage thofe gallant men ? The Frenthmaa,'^ 
who was no foldier, faid,' He believed not. Th^ Jin^-; 
pleafed with fuch a reply from a native of the vaineil Qatioa.. 
in the world, afked the Emperor's ambaflador the fame quefc* 
tion. The German frankly declared his opimon. That be did : 
fiot believe there was fuch another f'egiment in the worlds 
tVell, my lord Hyndford^ feid his Majcf^ to the Britifti. JUar» 
baflador, / know you have brave troops in, England, hut 
ivould an equal number of your countrymen, do you think, hefoi - 
ihe/eP' — •?/ will not fake upon me abfolittely to fay that,:rQri 
ply'd his excellency, but l-dare be bold to fay , that hi^^ thfif 
number would try. 

Jn JNECDOTE relative to Jbp. TILlQTSONi 

A Regiment of horfc in K. William's time beings qaar" 
ter'd at Canterbury, and archbifliop Tillotfon being 
then at his palace in that city,, invited all the officers of the 
regiment to dinner,' giving them a day's notice before-hand. 
One of '^e cornets, an unlucky youth, whde turn it^ was. 
to be «pon duty, and who for that reafon could not have 
the honour to attend the afchbifhop, thought of aftratagem 
to get himfelf off, A brother-officer, when the invitatioa 
came, happened to be on a party of pleafure and heard nk>- ' 
thing of it ; and therefore he took care to be thefirft that iflw 
formed him; adding, that all were to be catechifcd that went, and 
thofe that were perfedl were to dine with the biftiop, but if an]f: 
were not, the punilhment was, to dine with the fervants^" 
lien^ by G—dy faid the captain, /'// march out of town £• 
recfly. — No, rcply'd the other, if you* U mount guard for aw^ ' 
/'// go in your room, for I am perfect enough. That he would 
do, he fwore; accordingly the youth went to dinner- along^ 
with his brethren. His Grace, who was one of the polfteft*^ 
churchmen la his time, and knowing very well the cuftom ff 
the army, enquired of the colonel, Who the genUemea 
were that were upon duty, intending to fend them a fq>2j{^;; 
rate Invitation the next day. The colonel faid, that <aptii|t . 
Forbes, a Scots gentleman, was the only atrfent officar^ wbj 
that day mounted guard by his own choice ; and th^ t< 
occafioti to relate the ftory; with which the archbifhop w; 
highly diverted. His grace made no ufe of the hint 
^veri but fent, as he bad deiigned^ a fervant ^o the ab^ 

gentj^m; 




A C<?J-LE;«TION 0FHS5)lf^,*ir. i^i 

gtntiioa^^ 4^r^ Us con^an/ byhimfelf. Tha captain 
nurried to nls fti^nd, to know how he bad come oJii and 
«whethcr he had beft to go or not ; telling him that now, rtie 
archbifliop had lent a particular meilage to him, and he 
could not with good manners excufe Jiimielf.. The cor^iet, 
by all means aidviftd him to go, For, laid he, VJ^ were oiffy 
(^ed a quejiion or two, oftda/I was over. The captain, thjis 
confirmed ia his refolution, went accordingly; and bdog 
introduced to his Grace^ paid his -civilities with fome cop- 
fufion, cxpefting eyery ~mpment to be examined, and long- 
ing to haye his .^^Ik .over. Sir, faid.the archbilhop, Icfm 
forry I could not hay.^ the pteafure of your company yejierd^y. 
.The captain excufed himfelf very politely, by reprefenting 
the ileceility of difcharging the duties of his poll. May I 
crave your name, i^id his grace. Thomas, reply'd the cap- 
tain in a cold Iwe^. IVhat cQuntryman / faid his Grace. 
My godfathers and godmothers, ^fwered Forbes. I do not mean 
to catechize you, SdiA the archbifliop with a fmile ; gentlemen 
cf the army, are apt to be witty with each other, but chorchmen 
muft not indulge it. The captain was glad to find it a jeft, 
and latdpwn with his Grace and laughed heartily.' 

THE JUTHOX 'JpOEM. By C. Churchill, . 

OF this Poem we need only lay, that it does honour to 
the pen pf a Churchill ; the latter part 'is remarkably 

jfevece againft fome writers of the prefent age. We give 

|he following lines to pur Readers, as a fpecimen of the 
merit of; the piece, at the fame time earnefUy recommend- 
ing the whole to their attentive perufal, 

** HOW do i laughs when men of narrow fouls. 
Whom folly gmdes, and prejudice controuls ; 
Who, one dull drowfy track of bufinefs trod, 
Worfliip their Mammon, and negleft their GOD; 
Who, breathing by pne muftyfctof rules. 
Dote from the birth, and are hy^fyftem fools; 
Who, form'd to dullnefs from thdjr v^rjr youth. 
Lies of the day prefer to GOSPEL TRUT:i • 
Pick up their little knowledge from Reviews, 
And lay out all their Apck of faith in News : 
How do I laugh, wheniCreatures, form'd like theft, . 
Whoip Reafon fcorias, and I fliould blulh to pleafe^ / 
Rail at all Jib'ral arts^ :4eem verfe a crime, 
., ^^;0dhold not truth, a? t^uth^ if tol4 in rl^me ? 

'' Hew 



W' 



" How da I laugh, wW Pttblitts, hfmj grofwa^ 

' In zdil for Scbdand's welfare, and his own, 
By flow degrees, and conrfe of office, drawn 
In mOod and figure at the helm to yawn, ' 

.-Too mean (the worft of curfes Heav'n can fend) 

<To have a foe, too proud to have a friend, 
Erring by form, which blockheads facred hold. 
Ne'er making new faults, and ne'er mending ol^. 
Rebukes my ^irit, bids the daring Mufe 

' SubjeAs more equal to her weaknefi chufe; 
Bids hei: frequent the hani^ts of humble fwains. 
Nor dare to traffic in ambitious fbains ; 
Bids her, indulging the poetic whim 
In quaint-wrought Ode, or Sonnet pertly trim. 
Along the church-way path complain with Gray, 
Or dance with MafcMi on the firft of May ? 
< All facral Is the name and pow'r of Kings, 
' All States and Statefmen are thofe mighty things 
« Which howfoe'er they out cf a>urfe may roD, 
• Were never made for Poets to controuL' s 

" Peace, Peace thou dotard, nor thus vilely deei^r - - 
Of facred numbers, and their pow'r blafphcipe; 
1 tell thee, wretch, fearch all creation round, 

' In earth, in heaven, no fubjeft can be found ' { '^ 

(Otir GOD alone except) above whofe weight * - v .^ 
The Poet can rife, and hold bis (late. / 

. The blefled Saints above in Numbers fpeak * i 

• 'The prswfe of GOD, tho' there dl praife is wesik.; ; ' 
In Numbers here below the Bard IhaU teach • i ^ 

Virtue to foar beyond the villain's reach ; 
Shall tear his lab'ring lungs, flrain his hoarfe tkroa^ 
^And raife his voice beyond the trumpets note, • • - 

Should ail affiifted Country, aw'd by men 
Of flaviih prindpleSj demand his fen. i -» 

This is a great, a glorious point of view, • ^L 

Fit for an Englifti Poet to purfue, - '^ 

Undaunted to purfue, tho' in return, — 

His writings by the common hangman bum. \ - 
*' How do I laugh, when naeft^ by fortune plac'd'^ 
Above their betters, and by rank difgrac'4, 
Who found their pride on titles which they ftain, 
And, mean themfelves, are of their fathers vain, 

. - . Whm 



> «' 

k^i 



. 4 jCP L L JIG T J^iN ef SaSjA Y^3| f:C. ^f 

Wha v^uM aBiU xrf Pri\dlcge|Jwfo:, ;/ 

And irqu a pQiet, Jike a CreSitor, ' 

Thd gcaVo^s ai:fif<Air of the^ . « 

And cur^e tl^e jltqirm ^j luiow sum b|r^ on dbj^f. 
' What,'ftiafl.a reptile Sard, a wretch malmovfn,, 

• Without ctoe badge of ipcrit but his oy(f^^ \ r 

* Great Nobl^la^h, and Lwrls^ like caaaBOs^ ix^eo^ . 
' Smaztfroit the veageanceoF a Scrib]er'$ fien ?' 

" What's ia this natoc of Lord^ that »pp flwwild Aa» 
To bring tholT'idccs to the public e?ur I 
FIqw^ not the^ ^oneft blood c^ humUe hr^ii^ ^ 
Quick vts the tide which fivells a M<Miarch's vclas^ ^ 
Monarchs, who wealth and tides can befU^vf, > 

Cannot Hiake virtues in fuccetfion -flow. ^ 

Would'tt thou, proud sEian, be fafely.pkc'd^jjovd < 
The cenfure of the Mufed^erve'her love, 
A A as thy birth demands;, ^ nobles oi^^t; 
Look bade, and by thy worthy father taught, 7/ 
Vifho eanid thofc hpnours, thou w-ei-t bom xow^isa^ » 
Follow his *fteps and be his Vu:tue*sheir> . « 

But if, r^ardle& to vthe roa4 of Fapie, 
Tou ilart aflde, and treadr the paths of Shame* 
If fucb.^ylife^. t^^^^ 
l^he fight ^fo^ 

Would m^cEi|^ cuf (e the hour which gave thee ;hirt]|* 
Would: dttvejiim, flwiddving,, from*tJiefa<?e of aiarth- 
Once more, ^ith fluoieiand ibrrow, 'vmon|^ tiiedpi^ 
In endleTs n^t.to hij^ ihis Rev'rend ^head^ [--^ 

If fuch titiy im, rtho' King« had^mad^ ^ee ^n^^ ? 
Than ever King a icouAclrei made J)efo5re, 
Nay, toallo^fvtihyfridcade^per^wriag, : .{' 

Tho' GOD inye^^geanceiid(l4nade th^;avKing^ v 
Taking oi;^ vlrtue^s wimgl beriiarh^g fli^^, p 

The Mufe ftiall idr^g^thee trembliag to j^ieiig^ ; 
Probe^j-fouLwouncUy ^od lay tby Ip^piibaie , 
'^o lhp;keca,q5^on^f thfefearcWpg^r. 

" t;OD^lfliathwhat-p«:idelticc%^ 
Who fmarts bci^ath^this dllixdc^!; iv^i^l^tir^ gave^p r 
/Liming at ^9le an^f^th' ciHA^ 
Striving to -hit 4ite.Mii(li^ of ^bis h^aapjt ! 
How^dpl'^^ilg^^ 1^^ 
(Scarce ^ mo" imf^"^ ^p^^^fim*^ ^ 






i6% rUi TOtnt MISCELLANY^ to », 

Whilft on his trcmblihg Up pale ^ger ^>teifcs, 
And the chaf'd blood mes mounting to his chei^s) * 
He talks^ oif ' Cdnfciehce which good men ftcures 
• From all thofe (cril moments guilt endores^ ' 

X And feem to laugh at thofe, ^o pay regard, ',;'[_ ] 
To the wild ravings of a frailtic l^atd. . ' ' ' 

* Satfire, whiHl envy and ill-humotif jRiraftr '• ^ 

* The ttrind of man muft always inalfee nler way, 

* -Wor to- a bbfbm • with difcrdtibn fraught, V 

' Is aU her malice' worth a fingle thchight. .^ 

* The wife liaVe not the will, nof fools the powV 

• To ftop her headffrong courfe; within the hour, 

■ Left to herietf, fhe dies; oppofing Jtbife, ' 

* Gives her frefti vigour, and prolongs her life- ^ ' ? 

• All things her prey, and ev'ry man her aim, ' 

' 1 can no patent for exemption claim, , ' ' ''■- \ 

• Nor would I wifh to ftop that! hartrilefe dart ;^ 

■ Which f^ays around, but cannot wound my hcarti 

• Thy pointed at myfelf, be Satire free; ■' '' 

• To her 'tis pleafnre and no pain to me.' * 
** Diflembling wretch ! hence to the Stoic fchoof, ^ 

And there amongft thy brethren play the fool, 
^here, unpebuk'd, thefe wild, va.m doftrines preach ; 
Lives there a man whom Satire cannot reach ? 
•Lives there a man, who calmly can ftand by, ^\ 

Attd fee his confcience ripp'd with fteady eye ? 
When Satire flies abroad on falfhood's vining, 
Short is her life indeed, and dull her ftirig; 
But when to truth allied, the wound fhie givef ' 
Sinks deep, and to remoteft ages lives. 

, When in the tomb thy pamper'd flcfti fhall.rot^ • " 
And e'en by friends thy mem'ry be forgot, 
^till (halt thou Eve, recorded for thy crimes^ ' 
Live in her page, and ftink to aftcr^times. 

" Haft thou no feeling yet; come, throw off prfdc> 

, And on thofe paflions which thou fhak not hide. ' ' 
S-—-, who, from the moment of his birth. 
Made human Nature-a reproach on earth. 
Who never dar'd, nor wifh'd behind to ftay, " "** 

When folly, vice, and meannefs led the way, ' - 

Would blufh, fhould he be told, by truth and wit^ 
Thofe stftiobs, v4iich he blufti'd not to commit;' 
Meii the moft infamous are fond of fame, 
.And thof^ who fear not guilt, yet ftart at (hftmc* 



A CatLECTION OF ESSAYS. &C. i6f 



FAPAL ANECPaTE, /r^m VOLTAIRE. 

Sir, : _ ^ ^ 

**' 'TpirE ^fTaflinatioa of jhe Medicis, at Florence, itk 
i the 15th c^ntnvjy by order of the Pope, enables 
Us to form very juft notions of the genius and manners 
of thofe times. Sixtus the IVtb) (otherwife La Rovera) 
was Sovereign PohtifF. It will be necdjefs in this place fo 
examine, with Machiavel, whether the Riario's (brothers) 
^yhom he pafled for his nephews, were in reality his chil- 
dren; or, with Michael Brutus, whether they were bo'rti 
to him, whileyet but a Cordelier^ It is fufficient to obfervc; 
for the better illuftration of fafts, that he facrificed ^v^rj 
thing to aggrandize Jerom Riario, one of thefe his pretended 
nephews, We have already tkken notice that the Territory 
of the Jpoftolic Chair y or, as they are qow called, the Lands 
of the Church, v/ere not near fo extenfive a^ thqr are at 
this day. Sixtus JV, endeavoured to difpoffefs the Lords 
of Imola and Forli of their eftates, to eftrich thereby* thif 
jerom. The two brothers of the family of Medicis ailifted 
thefe oppreffed petty Princes with confiderable fums of mo- 
ney, in fuch manner as efFeftually fupported them againfl 
papal tyranny and encroachment. The Pope foon perceived, 
that in order to rule delpptically in Italy, it would be neqef- 
fary for him to exterminate the whole Medicean family^ 
A Florentine Banker eilablifhed at Ropie, called Pazzi, the 
declared enemy of thefe two noble brothers, propofed to 
the Pope to afTaffinate them, - Cardinal Raphael Riario, 
Jerom's brother, was fent. to Florence to dire<^ the conlpi-t 
racy, and the whole plan of it was formed by Salviati^ 
Archbifhop of that city. The Prieft Stephen, (Stefano), 
a creature of that Prelate's, undertook to be one of the 
aflaffins. The maflacre pf the Medicis and their friendj 
was fixed to be during the folemnity of an approaching 
great feftival in the church of Santa Reparata, in like man- 
ner as the aflaflins of Duke Galeas SforZA chofe the cathe- 
dral of Milan, and the feaft of St. Stephen, to murder 
that Prince at the foot of the altar; the Elevation of the 
Hofl was to be the fignal for perpetrating this horrid deed, as 
it might be more fuccefsfuUy executed in that moment, th^ 
people being then geqerally proftratcd, and, lijie the Sibyls, 
Z etttireljr 



r 



170 THE POLITE MISCELLANY: o R^ 

entirely carried beyond imagination, by the overflowing/ 6f 
Enthufiafm*. In fine, in the very mftant of which we 
arc fpeaking, Julien of Mcdicis was killed by one of Paz- 
zi's brothers, affifted by other confpirators. Laurence of 
Medicis was dangeroufly wounded by the Prieft Stefino, 
but had fufficient ftrength to fecure his retreat into the 
veftry room. 

•* When one fees a Pope, an Archbifhop, and a Pricflry 
contriving fuch a crime, and chufmg for its execution the 
identical moment in tvhich their COD manifgfls himfelf 
in the Temple, one cannot doubt the extenfivc prevalence 
of atheifm in thofe times. Certainly, if they believed their 
Creator appeared to them under the form of the confecrated 
bread, they would not dare toinfult him in this outrageous 
manner ; but there are fome men who would brave even GOD 
hintfelf : Of this clafswere thefe now before us. The common: 
people adored this myftery ; the Statefman and great folks 
laughed *t it; all the hiftories of tbofe days evince this 
truth. Their notions Were fuch as were held at Rome 
in the time of Cselar; that is,p;the;r pafTjons concluded there 
was no religion. They all reafoned in this deteftable man- 
ner : Men inftrufted me in errors, confequently there is na 
GOD. Thus the religion of nature was extinguifhed in 
almofl all thofe who then governec^ ; and never was an age 
nK3TC fertile in aflaffinations, poifonings, trcafons, and the 
moft monftrous debaucheries. 

" The Florentines, who really loved the Medicis, revenged 
the outrage ofFered to them, by the ignominious punifhment 
of all concerned in that affair, whom they could lay hold 
on, — The Archbifhop was hanged out of one of the win- 
dows of the public Palace, Lawrence had the gencrofity, 
or perhaps the prudence, to fave the life of the Cardinal- A^-* 
phewy whom they were juft going to poignard at the foot 
of that vefy altar he had profaned but a moment before, 
and to which he fled for refuge. 

" One 

* In Rdman Catholic countries one^ it feems, may cjjatter 

all kind of nonfenfe, or even h , during the time of Mafs^ 

by only ohferving to be a little more referved andfeemingly atten- 
tive than ordinary, at the Elevation of the Sacrament, Thefe 
bare appearances of piety, I ohfetved, are of infinite fervtce 
in thefe parts: Hence nve may reafonably infer, that Hypocf^ 
is a very flour ijhing nueed there. 



Vti'^^.^^^tir^ 



j\ COLLECTION OF ESSAYS, &c; 171, 

" Onie of the fingiilar drcumftances relative to this con- 
fpiracy, is worth our notice :; Bernard Bandini, olie of the 
murderers, efcaped into Turkey, and was afterwards de* 
livered up to Lawrence of Medicis — Thus Suhan Baja- 
>zet was made the inftrument of Providence, to punifti the 
crime that Sixtus IV, caufed to bfe committed. .. But what 
•was lefs extraordinary, the Pope excommunicated the Fio- 
retitines for having punifhed the author of the confpiracy ; 
and even waged war ag^inil them, which >vas happily terr 
minatcd by the prudence of Medicis. Hence we may plainly 
fee, in this well-attefted glaring inflance, to what bafe pur- 
pofes Religion and her Anathema's were proftituted by thofe 
who arrogantly afFefted to be her chief guardians. I defy 
the worft difpofed imagination to invent any thing nearly ap« 
proaching to thefe deteftable abominations. 

" Lawrence of Medicis equalled the great Cofmus in bene- 
volence, and furpaffed him, by far, in magnificence. It 
was truly then, that Florence might be faid to emulate with 
old Athens. She had at one time within her walls Prince 
Picus of Mirandola, Politiano, Marcillo Ficino, Landino, La- 
fcaris, Calcondila, Marcilla, whom Lawrence affembled about 
him, and who, perhaps, were fuperior to thofe Sages that 
ancient Greece fo much boafts of. 

** His fon Peter had likewife the principal, and indeed, ■ 
alinoft the Sovereign authority in Tufcany, at the time 
the French invad^ed Italy ; but he held this power with much 
lefs credit than his predeceffors or defcendcnts." Thus far 
Voltaire. 

I could make a whole volume of pertinent refleftions on 
this anecdote, but to what purpofe? While men have paf- 
fions there will be no infallible Popes. — Few mortals can 
bear,- without glddinefs, the inveftiture of fupreme tem- 
poral power ; how much lefs can they keep within the proper 
bounds, when overloaded with the divine and temporal 
together ? We will, however, admit, princes, and even over- 
dignified Priefts might poffibly make a much nlore upright 
ufe of power than they generally do, hsiA flattery been le& 
efTential to the interefts of human kind.- — For a proof of 
the force of Court -incenfe^ we refer you to the impartial^ 
unadulating Belarmin's dedication of his vol uipinous works 
to the Sturdy Beggar who threw his crutches away when he 
found him felf the fupreme difpofer of the fouls of mankind ! 
. Z z O 



172 THE POLITE MISCELLANY: og, 

p Conftantine ; how mapy millions have reafon to exc^: 
crate thy memory in the grave ! Was it to invalidate, or 
perplex the good things that (hpuld refiilt (without any over- 
doing) from the grand purpofe of our redemption, when the 

flaming Crofs appeared to you in the Heavens, that yo\xfi(ffered 
yourfelf to rfo, -in the fuperabundance of your zeal^ or rather 
enthufiafm (by fome, we know, called j/?ry?-rate //V/'j/ J 

. MORE for the eftabliftiing of its influence, than our great 

^ Lawgiver required? O blind, ill-founded ravings of the , 
moft refincdy moA fannified wifdom ! — Are not all the Here- 

Jiesy and the almoft innumerable religious devaftations that 
have fet men by the e^rs, and fpread defoktiou through the- 
earth lincc your days, to be attributed to the bpundlefs au- 
thority you inconfiderately lodged in the PrieflhoodF 

The grateful returns thefe impurpled Demi-Cods of your 
own creating have fince made, innumerable abominations 

' teftify. We will felcft only one inftance, out of thoufands» 
offered to your memory in the perfon of one of your beft 
fucceflbrs. 

Turn then, thine eyes, O Conftantine, a moment towards 
earth, and behold the unburied carcafe of the once celebrated 
Emperor Henry IV ! Afk Pafchal II, the thrice holy Pafchal 
n, why he pioufly ftlrred up the Emperor Henry V. to rebel 
againft bis good old father, who gave not the Icaft provo- 
cation to either. Or to anfwer what political purpofe did 
he affift in driving him from the throne, to oblige him to 
beg his bread,* to liVc the remainder of his days in great 
miiery, and die almoft for want r O fliame to the anointed- 
fl'ar/c't-hhcd fcrvants of the fervants of GOD ! — Afk, wc 
fay, O Father of Chriftianity ! that tender-hearted Pontiff, 
why he was not content with the intoxicating power of 
deftroying a great Empprbr, and ftopping there? Defire 
him to> inform us, whatfpecies of hatred he would gratify, 
when he ordered the body of that unfortunate Prince, by 
his infallible^ cfpeclal command, to lye rotting five years 
above ground ?- — Alas ! Thofe who (hould now anfwer for 
Pafchal, would do it perhaps, -r-but by a like conduft. 

I am, Sir, yours, &<;. 



C^ The Verfcs flgned BCDF G^ hai^e not Merit enough tct 
obtain n place in this Magazine » 



^H 



A COLLECTION OF ESSAYS, &€. 173 

Why £L Blockhead generally fucceeds better in Bvfmefs 

than a Mah OIF Wit. 

J Letter from Mr, Dennis to Mr. Wycherly. 

Dear sir, 

THE Jaft time I was at Wills, I had the mortification to 
hear, that our friend Mr.-— had met with a difappoint- 
4nent in -— r; at which, fome who were prefent were glad, 
affirming that fuceefs wou'd have thrown him out of his «lc- . 
mint; for that a Ma ?i. of JVit is not qualified for bufinefs fo 
well as a Blockhead. I liave fince had fome thoughts con- 
^cerning that matter, which I here fend you, and of which 
I defire your opinion. Upon r^fle-ftion I have found out fhc 
following reafons, why Blockheads arc thought to be fitted 
for bufmefs, and why they really fucceed in it. 

Firfy As their brains are a great deal colder, than thofe ar^ 

of Men of Wit, they mufl have but very ftrait imaginations, 

. end very barren inventions, from whence it follows tliat they 

havebjit few thoughts, and that afewobjeiSts fill their capactfies. 

Secondly, It is reafonable enough to believe, that fince they 
are uncapable of many thoughts, thofe few which they have^ 
are detfermin'd by their neccffities, their appetites, and their • 
defires, to what they call their fortunes and their eflablifh- 
ments. . 

Thirdly, It if not very hard to cpnceive, that fince a Block-- 
head has but a few thoughts, and perhaps but one all his life- 
time, which is his interefl, he fhould have ic more perfe(9:, 
find better digefled, than Men of IVit have the fame thought, 
!Brho perhaps have a thoufand every hour. 

Fourthly, It is eafy to comprehend, that fince fuch a one 
has but.a few thoughts, or perhaps but one, which by often 
revolving in his mind, he has digefted, and brought to pcr- 
fedlion, he (liould readily pafs from thought to adion. For 
he muft grow weary of thinking fo often of one and the fame 
thing; and fince the nature of the foul requires agitation, 
as foon as his little fpcculation ceaf^s, he mu(l of necef- 
fity a<5l to divert himfelf. 

Fifthly, It will be certainly found, that as a little though,t 
often makes a man adlive in Bufinefs, fo a little judgment often 
makes him diligent; for he may well be eager in the purfuit 
of thofe things, on which, feduced by paflion and vulgar opi- 
nion, he fets an exorbitant Value; and concerning whofe Na- 
tures and incertainty he is not very capable of making folid 
Jlefle<ftions. For tho* Prudence may oblige a Man to fecure a 
CompeteniP, yet never was any one by right Reafoa induced 
IP feek Superfluities.- 



174 THE POLITE MISCELLANY: or. 

Sixthly t Penury of thought fuppofes Littlenefs of Soul» 
which is often requifite for the fucceeding in Bufinefs : For 
a Blockhead is fordid enough to defcend to trick and artifice, 
which in bufinefs are often ncceffary to procure fuccefs, unlefs 
they are more than fupplicd, by a prudence derived from a 
confummatc experience, or from a great capacity. 

Thus have I endeavoured to give the reafon, why a fool 
fucceeds better in bufinefs than a Man of IVif, who has a mul- 
titude of thoughts, and which fiy at the nobleft objects ; and 
who finds that there is fomething fo pleafing, and fp noble, in 
thinking rightly, and more • efpeciaUy in the fublime fpecuk;- 
tions, of exalted reafon, that he finds it intolerably irkfome to 
defcend to adlion, and abhors the very thought of being dili- 
gent in things, for which he has an ejctreme contempt. 

Thus you fee, that in fome meafure a fool may be faid to 
> be better fitted out for bufincJfe, than a Man of Wit. But it is 
high time to dijlinguijlo. For firft, When I fay that a Block- 
head is fitted for bufinefs, I mean only for little huftneffes : For 
to affirm, that he is qualified for affairs that require extent of 
capacity, would be a contradiction in terms. Secondly, When 
I affirm, that a Ma;i of Wit is lefs capacitated for bufinefs, I 
mean that he is lefs fo, ss long as he keeps in his natural tem- 
per, and remains in a ftate of tranquillity. 

But if once he comes to be thrown out of that by the force 
of a violent paffion, and fir'd with zeal for his country's fer- 
vice, or enflamed by ambition, a,nd bufiiieis can be made fub- 
fervient to the gratifying of thofe paflions, then I dare boldly 
affirm, that one Man of Wit will go further than a thoufand 
of tl^ofe who want it : Of which it would be eafy to give more 
than one inftance amongll our prefent minifters : But I will be 
contented with putting you in mind, that none of the Romans 
had more wit than Caelar, and none of the French than 
Richlieu. 

Before I conclude, I muft give you a caution : Which is, 
that by the word Blockhead ^ I do not mean one that is ftupid^ 
but that I apply that word according to the language of you 
Men of Wit, to one who thinks but a little : And that on the 
other fide, by a. Man of Wit, I do not mean every coxcomb 
;whofe imagination has got the afcendant of his little reafon ; 
but a man like you, Sir, or our moft ingenious friend, in 
whom fancy and judgment are like a well-matched pair; the 
firff like an extraordinary wife, that appears always beautiful, 
and always charming, yet is at all times decent, and at all 
times chafte; the fccond like a prudent and well-bred hufband, 
whcfe very fw ay file ws his complaifance, and whoie' very indul- 
gence fliews his authority. I am, dear Sir, W- 

, Yo^ur moft humble fervant,* JOHN DENNIS . 



A COLLECTION OF ESSAYS, &c. j^^ 

From the ORIENTAL ECLOGUES. 
ECLOGUE IV. 

AG IB and SECANDER; or, the FUGITIVES. 

SCENE, a Mountain in Circassia. 

TIME, Midnight. 

IN fair Circaffia, where, to love inclin'd, 
Each fwain was bleft, for ev'ry maid wa^ kind 5 
At that ftill hour, when awful midnight reigns. 
And none, but wretches, haunt the twilight plains ; 
What time the moon had hung her lamp on high, 
And paft in radiance thro* the cloudlefs fky ; 
Sad o'er the dews, two brother (hcpherds fled, 
Where wildVmg fear and delp'rate forrow led i 
Faft as they preft their flight, behind them lay 
Wide ravag'd plains, and vallies ftole away. 
Along the mountain's bending fides they ran. 
Till faint and weak S^cander thus began. 

SfiCANDER. 

O flay thee, -^gib, for my feet deny. 

No longer friendly to my life, to fly. 

Friend of my hearr, O turn thee and furvcy, ^ 

Trace our fad flight thrd' all its length of way ! 

And firft review that long-extended pbdn. 

And yon wide groves, already paft with pain ! . 

Yon ragged cliff, whofe dang'rous patji we try'd ! ' 

And laft this lofty mountain's weary fide ! 

Agib. 
Weak as thou art, yet hapiefs muft thou know 
• The toils of flight, or fome feverer woe ! 
Still as I hafte, the Tartar fhouts behind. 
And fhrieks and forrows load the fadd'ning wind i 
In rage pf heart, .with ruin in his hand. 
He blafts our harvefts, and deforms our land. 
Yon citron grove, whence firft in fear We came, 
Droops its feir honour^ to the conqu'ring flame i 
Far fly the'fwains, like us, in deep delpair. 
And leave to ruffian bands their fleecy care.' 

Secander. 
Unhap0 land, whofe bleffings tempt the fword, 
In vain, unheard, thoucall'ft thy Perfianlord! 
In vain thou court'ft him, helplrfs to thine aid, , ^ 
To fhield the fhephcrd, and protcft the maid ! 



>'%^ 



t76 THE POLITE MiSCELLANYr 01^ 

Far oiF in tboughtlefs indolence refign'd. 
Soft dreams of love and pleafure footh hi« tnind: 
'Midft fair Sultanas loft in idle joy. 
No wars alarm him, and no fears annoy. 

Agib. 
Yet thefe greeii hills, in fummer's fultry heat. 
Have lent th^ monarch oft a cool retreat. 
Sweet to the fight is Zabran's flow'ry plain. 
And oriee by maids and fhepherds loy'd in vain i 
No more the virgins fhall delight to rove. 
By Sargis' banks, or Irwan's (hady grove; 
On Tarkie's mountain cateh the cooling gale. 
Or breathe the Tweets of Aly's flow'ry vale : 
Fair fcenes ! but, ah ! no more witli peace pofleft^ 
With^eafe -alluring, and with plenty bleft. 
No more the ' fhepherds' whitening tents appear, 
Nor the kind produfts of a bounteous year ; 
No more the date wkh fnowy bloflbms crown 'd I 
But ruin ipreads her baleful fires around. 

Secani>er* 
Jn vain Circaffia boafts her fprcy groves, 
For ever f am'd for pure and happy loves : 
In vain flie boafts her faireft of the fair, 
Their eyes' blue languifii, and their golden hair f 
Thofe eyes in tears their fruitlefs grief muft fend ^ 
Thde hairs the Tartar's cruel hand ftiall rend. 

Ye Georgian fwains that piteous learn from far 
Circailia's ruin, and the waftc of war ; 
Some weightier arms than crooks and ftaves prepare,? 
To fliield your harvefts; and defend your fair: 
« The* Turk and Tartar like defigns purfue,. 
Fix'd to deftroy, and ftedfaft to undo. 
Wild as his land, in native defarts bred^ 
By luft incited, or by malice led. 
The villain Arab, as he prowls for prey. 
Oft marks with blood and wafting flames the W^y j 
Y'et none fo cruel as the Tartar foe, 
To death inur'd, and nurft in fcenes of woe. 

He faid ; when loud along the vale was hqard 
A fiiriller ffiriek, and nearer fires appeared : n . 
Th' affrighted ftacpjierds thro' the dews of night, 
Wid^ o'er the moon-light hills repew'd their flight 



^^ 



A GOLLECTIO^N OF ESSAYS, &c. ij^ 

Some HINTS, by Way of Caution to the PUBLIC, td 
prevent ^ dete^ the Dejigns of Thieves and Sharpers* 

Left in a Manufcript, by Charles Speckman, alias 
Brown, executed at Tyburn, London, the 23d of 
November laft, for robbing Mrs. Dixon, in ^Broad* 
flreet, Carnaby -market , of fbm^ Lace* 

I. 'KJEVER place many different articles on tbe counted 
X^ at one time ; nor turn your back on the cuftomers, 
but let fome other perfons put the different articles up^ 
tv^hilft you are intent upon the bufmefs before you* 

2. It is in general to be fufpe6led if a perfon pulls out a 
handkerchief, lays it down, and takes it up often, that fome 
ill is intended. This was my conftant praftice with Milli- 
ners and others, With regard to what lay in afmall compafs. 
It never failed of fuccefs. The follo'Wing is one ioftance of 
my manner of ufmg it : At Reading, in Berkfliire, I went 
to a Milliner's /hop, under pretence of buying fome lace, to 
go found a cap and handkerchief, for my fifter. The Mil- 
liner afked me if I was not too young a man to be a judge 
of lace? I replied, being young, i fhould hope for better" 
ufege, and left it entirely to her generofity to ferve me with 
that which was bell of the kind. At this moment I fixed 
my eye on a particular piece. Pretending to hav^ a bad 
cold, I took my handkerchief out to wipe my nofe, laid it 
down on this piece of lace, which repeating again, I todk 
the kce up with my handkerchief, and put it in my pocket, 
and then told the Milliner I would ftay till I was grown 
older ; though it is clear I was too old for her now. I took 
my leave, and marched gravely off, without the leaft fulpi- 
cion ; and went direftly to the Crown Inn, hired a hojfe for 
Maidenhead, but pulhed on for London. 

3. The Shopkeeper, On feeing fuch methods as. this mad^^ 
-ufe of, fhould remove the handkerchief from off the goods ; 
which 1^11 make the Sharper fulpe^ his defign is feen 
through. 

4. It is common at Haberdaftiers^ atid other (hops, which 
^ ^tsA in fmall articles, that for every article which is wanted 

tio t>(r paid for, the Tradefman applies to his till for change ; 
» A a -^ > his 



r 



178 THE POLITE MISCELLANY: oil, 

his eyes being fixed th'ereop, then is the time fbmething the 
neareft at hand on the counter is moved off. 

5. Watchmakers and Silverfmiths are impdfed on princi- 
pally thus: In a morning or evening the Sharper, well 
'dreffed, as a Sea-officer; will go to their (hops, to look at 
watches, buckles, rings, &c. when a variety of thefe arc 
laid on the counter, if opportunity offers, the handkerchief 
is made ufeof; fhould this fail, then the goods are ordered 
to a tavern, coffee-houfe, or private houfe, as beft fuits for 
elegance or honefty ; then the perfon is inflantly fcnt back 
for fomething omitted, wiiilft the prize is fecured, and the 
Sharper moved .off another way. Though this is an old 
and ftale trick, it is amazing how fuecefsful the praftitioner* 
in it ftill are. 



The following is Part of the affedliQg Account which this 
unhappy Young Man gives of hitnfelf: 

** "PVURING my long courle of wickednefs, I never was 
•*^ addifted to common or profane fwearing, to excefs 
in eating, or to drunkennefs, and but little to women. I 
never was fond of even couverfing with thieves and robbers, 
tho' at accidental meetings I have met with feveral, who, 
gueffing I was of their profefiion, would fet forth the advan- 
tage of affociates, or appearing in company t,o: rob and 
plunder the honeft and unwary. Pallifler and Duplex, lately 
executed at Coventry, who called themfelves the heads of a 
great gang, preffcd me to go on the highway with them and 
their companions, but all they could fay was in vain. I 
never would make ufe of, or indeed knew, the flafh or cant 
language, in which thefe two men were, very expert. My 
father, who lived in good reputation in London, where I 
\vas born, put me to a boarding-fchool, and beflowed more 
money on ciy education* than on all the reft of my brothers 
and fifters (I was the eldeft of 18) for all which 1 never 
made any grateful return, which gives me now great afflic- 
tion, and the moft pungent remorfe. The misfortunes 
1 have undergone have been, I am certain, entirely owing to 
the continual ftate of rebellion that I lived in with my pa- 
rents; and God, for fuch unnatural pradices, has been 
pleafed to bring me to the moft juft and deferved puniftx- 

ment 



A COLLECTION OF ESSAYS, &c. 179. 

ment I am now fhordy to fufFer. If children did but pro- 
perly confider, the very fear of bringing their innocent pa- , 
rents to difgrace and fliame, it would prevent them from pur- 
fiiing thde wicked praftices which end in being publickly 
expoied to a cenforio^s world, and fuffering an ignominious 
death." 

This youth finifhed his career at the age of 29; he was 
about five feet nine inches high, thin and genteel in his per- 
fon, and affable* in his behavioui;, with much feeming innor 
cence in his countenance. 



To the PRINTER of the MERCHANTS and 
TRADESMAN'S MJGAZ INE. 

Mr. Whit WORTH, Dtcemher 26, 1763. 

Lately meeting 'with the following Thoughts on Manufaftures, ' 

and on Charity, and thinking them likely to be tifeftdy efpe^ 

daily in this tr*adi fig Country, I fend them to he inferted in 

your improving and entertaining Magazine. If you are of 

y the fame Opin\ony I know you wUl readily give them a Place, 

I am, 6t, 

A Friend to Trad^ and the Induftrious Poor* 

ON MANUFACTURES. 

WE ought not by any means to think we are in no dan- 
ger ojF the trade of this nation decreafing, wbilft ob- 
fervatlon proves what other nations are able to perform. 
Tn the year 1700, only 3000 pieces of cloth were manufac- 
tured in Languedoc ; .in 1740, 80,000. It's very clear from 
this great progrefs 6f the French, though Great Britain 
abounds moft in materials, fkill and induftry can bring othe r 
nations to rival, and, in fome Inftances, to excell us, elpc» 
eiaUy at fome markets. 

If our very great fuccefs argues the great importance of 
preferving our Manufaftures, it is deeply incumbent on us 
to keep the Manufaftures to a juft ftaiidard ; In this the 
intereft of Gentlemen who have large pafture lands is inti- 
mately concerned, as well as that of the trader, and indeed 
of the whole nalioji: We ought therefore to be watchful 
not only to afford thefe Manufaftures on eafy terms, but to 
improve and adapt them to every country; and upon this, 
r x\ a 2 next 



I 



j?0 THE POLITE MISCELLANYi o«. 

next to the materials, the. <ponteft will chiefly reft. The p^ 
culiar advantages fomc nations enjoy can hardly be forfeit* 

. ed, without their own faults ; we have fcen the complaint 
of the Levant traders with regard to their cloth; and it 
cannot be entirely from the connexion there is between the 
French and Polanders, that the latter only take of us coarfe 
cJoths-T'rFrance'and Aix-la-chapelle annually furnifh them 
with 100,000 1. value in cloth, inferior to ours in fubltance 
and duration ; but its foftneff, colour, and lightnefs, give it 
a preference in their efteem. We are every day making. 

, new fabricks, and (hew great art and fertility of invention 
in matters of lefs moment. No nation can make fuch excel-^ 
lent cloth as the Britifh ; why then do we not employ our 
Jlcill and induftry to accommodate every tafte, and to come 
in for a fharc at every market, whilft our natural advantages 
iecure fome to us entirely, is what I do not comprehend, 
unlefs we are glutted with riches ? 

How inconfiderate are our clothiers, who from a prefump-r 
tion of being fureof a demand regard^ only the prefentmo^ 
ment, and who generally make the qtiality of the goods in- 
ferior in proportion as the demand is larg^, T^he confer 
quence is, that when the demand llackens, the manufatturer 
[weaver, I fuppofe] can't be eafily brought back to his proper 
ftandard. Befides theexcefles to which our common people 
are addifted have increafed the price of their labour beyond 
the due proportion of the value of provifionsj fo tlmt tlie 
clothier is tempted to increafe the quantity, rather than 
increafe the quality of his goods. 

The nation whofe luxury at home raifes the value of all 
its produdlions mofl will have the leaft foreign trade ; and 
if at the fame time it makes a great confumption of foreign 
produftions it will certainly decline into poverty. 

It may be juftly allowed, as one argument of the great 
opulency of this nation, that many artificers, mechar^cs^ 
and even perfons of laborious profeffions, have by their in- 
duftry acquired great fortunes, and live in iplendor, This 
is tiardly to be found in any other nation. France, which 
is our great competitor, can fcarce produce an inftance of a 
dyer, packer, or other mechanic, employed in preparing 
and finifhing manufa6k)ries, who is arrived to fuch a con- 
dition of life. Luxury in France does not. appear yet to 
have reached to tiear the height as it is in England amoog 

th# 



' A COLLECTION OF ESSAYS^ &c. ' i§i 

the middling; or laborious orders of\the people; and whilft 
tbey can procure the neceflary parts of labour much cheaper 
jthan we do, they muft have the advantage over us. 

Labour is the parent of wealth and the nurfe of happl- 
nefs ; not only our riches but our fafety, our liberty, and all 
our domeftic joys are founded on this bafis ; it give* 
ftrength and vigopr to the individual ^nd renders the ftate 
firm, profperous and flourifhing. The moft neceflary pro- 
.duftions of the earth are not fpontaneous ; our mines of 
lead, tin and coal, demand the ailiftance of the laborious 
hand ; happy were it for us if we had more of the diligent 
and laborious, and fewer of the idle, efpecially in the lower 
clafs, who are ftill greater prodigies in nature than thofe, 
who becaufe they are born to the enjoyment of wealth give 
themfelves up to indolence and dull ina£Hvity. If a life 
fpent in generous and beneficent aftions is the glory arid 
honour of human nature, the community of whicli we are 
.a part ought to partake of that generofity and beneficence. 
Where is the boafted fliperiority of a large fortune, if this 
igreat end is neglected ? And how can this end be fo efFcdlu- 
^y anfwered as by employing the poor ? This may be diffi- 
CTlt in regard to things of real ufe; but fuch as are calcu- 
lated for employment can never be wanting ; thus no one 
objcft will be diftrefled; nor human nature diigraced by 
the pernicious confequences of idlenefs; To inftancein one 
particular; a Pair of Silk Gauze Stockings weighs about 
two ounces and an half of filk, which with the breakage 
and other contingencies comes to about five (hillings before 
manufaftured, and after fell for nine, ten, or twelve^ fliil- 
lings, 

N c H A Rirr. 

THE Dutch arc dilKnguirtied^or Ae number and oeco- 
nomy of their ufeful Charities, which feem to ex- . 
ceed thofe of England ; not in extent ; for in beneficence, 
the Englijb have hardly any bounds; as if they meant in 
good earneft to cover a multitude of Sins ; but in regard to 
difcipline and wholefome feverity we have not fupported it 
fo well as the Dutch, who make all their poor perform 
fome ufeful labour. It does not, indeed, leem poffiblc to 
-engage the loweft fort of the people, of any nation, to work 

from 



m^. 



jga THE POLITE MISCELLANY: oe, 

from a mere force of duty. If they arc left to their choice, 
or the materials of labour withheld from them, can it he 
expefted they will? But if the make and conftitution of 
man renders labour neceflary to his fupport, it muft fol- 
low, that he who can work and will not, fhould not have 
food given him. Charities founded on principles' not confift- 
cnt with this rule, inftead of drawing do^n bleifings, pro- 
duce calamities, is has been often experienced. 



A Paraphrase on the Lord's Prayer. 

GREAT Father! King and only Lord! 
^ Which doji in Heav'n abide. 
Thee will we praife with one accord, 
Thy Name be fanElify'd. 

Thy Kingdom come at thy good time, 

And may thy grace's ray. 
Soon emanate on ev*ry clime. 

And make eternal day. 

Thy glorious JVill on Earth be done, 

As it is done in Heaven ; 
For what can mortals do alone, 

Unlefs thy help is giv'n. 

Still in thy goodnefs, gracious Lord, 

Our daily Wants fupply ; 
Nothing we can ourfelves afford, 

But on our GOD rely. 

Teach us, O Father! to forgive 

Our unrelentmg Foes, 
That in thy prefence we may live, 

Diicharg'd from fins and woes. 

Mortals by nature are but weak, 

And prone to ev*ry ill. 
Let us not then temptation feek. 

But ilrive t' obey thy Will. 

Guard 



A COLLECTION OF ESSAYS^ Sfcc. 183 

Guard us from ev^ry vyicked thingi 

To Thee does Pow'r belong ; 
The Praifes of our heavenly King 

Be evermore our Song. 



An EPISTLE to Lord H- Y.^ • 

FAV'RITE of Venus, and the tu^cfuf Nine, 
H — y by nature form'd in courts to fhine — - v 

Whofe beauteous mind, well piftur'd in thy-face. 
Beams with each winning, foft, refifUefs grace ; 
Wilt thou once more a kind attention lend. 
To thy long abfcnt, and forgotten friend ? ' - 

Who> after feas and mountains wander'd o'er. 
Returned at length to his own native fhore. 
From all that's gay retir'd* and all that's great. 
Beneath the fhades of his paternal feat. 
Has found that happinefs, he fought in vain 
, On the fam'd banks of Tybur and of Seine. 

'Tis not to view the well-proportion'd pile. 
The charms of Titian's, and of Raphael's ftile. 
At foft Italian founds to melt away. 
Or in the fragrant groves of myrtle Ilray, 
That calls the tumults of the foul to reft. 
Or makes the fond pofleflbr truly blefs'd ; . 

In our own breafts the fource of pleafure lies. 
Which all our wifties, al^ our wants fupplies; 
But, ah ! fo ill is nature underftood. 

We lofe the near — - to grafp the diftant good 

So idle, yet fo reftlefs are our minds. 

We climb the Alps, and brave the raging winds, 

Thro' various toils, to feek content we roam. 

Which eafier labour might obtain at home* 

But liot the ceafelefs change of (hifted place 

Can from the heart a fettled grief erafe ; 

Nor can the purer balm of foreign air \ 

Heal the diftemper'd mmd of aching care. 

The wretch, whom angry fates have dooiu'd to rove, 

Vex'd with the pangs of iU-requited love. 

From 



1 



1 



t84 THE l>OLlTE AflSCELLANY: 0ii« 

From pole to pole the fatal arrow bears, 
Whofe rooted point his bleeding bofcMn tears; 
With equal pain each different clihic be tries, 
And is himfclf, that torment, which he flifes : 
For how fhou'd ills that from our paflions flowy 
Be changed by Afjric's heat, or Ruflia's fhow ? ' ^ 
Of how can ought but powerful rcafori cure 
What frotn unthinking folly we endure ? 

Happy is he, and he alone, who knows 
His heart's uneafy drfcord to compofe ; 
To bound his wifties in their proper fphere, 
To nourifh pleafing hope- — and conquer anxious fear*-- 
This was the wifdom — Epicurus taught, — 
. This was the fovVeign good - — he juflly fought s 
This to no place, no climate, is confined, 
But the free, native produce of the mind. 

Nor think, my Lord, that even courts deny 
The ufcful pra6lice of philofophy ; 
Horace, the wifeft of the tuneful choir. 
Not always chofe from greatnefs to retire, 
But, in the palace of Auguftus, knew 
The fame unerring maxims to purfuc. 
Which in the Sabine, or the VeHan fhade, 
His fludy and his h^ppinefs, he made. 

May you, my Lord, by his example taught. 
View all the ^ddy fcene, with fober thought ; 
Undazzled, ev'ry glitt'ririg folly fee. 

And in the midft of flaviSh forms be free j 

On its own center poMe your fteady mind. 
Let prudence guide you, and let honour bind ; 
In (hew — - in manners — aft the courtier's part—* 
V But be a Country Gentleman at Heart. 



r B E ^C L D. 

JOVE cjttilfe iMT'd out With a Scold of a Wife, 
And with mcrtatls on earth for ever at ftrife, 

R«folv*d for the future, whene'er things went wrong, 
To lay by his Thunper — and borrow her ToKGUt* 



A COLLECTION, OF ESSAYS, 52C. iZ§ 

To the PRINTER. 

. !siR, 

rpHJS novelty of a letter from a man three months after 
^ Marriage, upon that fubieft, wHl, I hope, be a fufficient . 
rf c<?fcn^p^^mJation to a place in your entertaining Magazine. 

Such hearts as ours ivere never paired above ; 
Ill-fuiUd to each other; join'd, not matched; 
■ Some/idlen injluence, a foe to bothy 
ilas wrought this fatal Marriage ^ to undo us, 

xO - ' 

I Was brought up in the city of London to a genteel bufi* 
nefs, and early in life was fettled upon a very good founda- ^ 
tion : Trade fucceeded beyond expeftation'; my fubftance 
of courfe daily increafed ; elevated with fuccefi, and as I could 
Avell afford to enjoy life, I did it in a proper mani^cr ; that is, 
H^pt good company, frequented public diverfions, and, upon 
the whole, lived innocently gay : The generality of men, 
in my then fituation, would have married, but, to fpeak 
fmcerely, I never fcrioufly thought of the matter; on the 
contrary, being ve^ry happy, I determined not to rifque 

• coQ^tcnt for an uncertainty : A fingle lif^ feemed to n^ aper- 
feft ftate of freedom. This notion prevailing, timipmerrily 

• palfed on till I found myfelf on the wrong fide thirty, when 
my opinion began to alter, and thin^, heretofore my only 
joy, now afforded little fatisfaftion ; there was zfomething 
wanting I wa§ unacquainted with; Home was tirefbme, and 
inoft of my old companions had wives and children^ ios 
whofe intereft they purfued their various occupations with 
fieafure, while I was heaping up riches for relations who 
very probably wifhed me dead, to (hare my fortune. Thefe 
refleftion3 made me at laft rcfolve upon Matrimony ; but, 
as my dancing days were over, I went the fure ,way to work, 
and declared my intention to a Gentleman I was acquainted 
with, and at the lame time made a propofal to marry one 
of his daughters : He thanked me for the honour I intended 
his family, invited me to his houfe, and introduced me to 
the Lady. Sylvia was then in her twentieth year; and, to 

• abbreviate her external perfeftions, was pofleffcd of every 
charm to make her£:lf admired and beloved: Forfoime time 

B h 1 



-t^ 



1 



i86 THE POLITE MISCELLANY: or, 

I concealed my bnfinefs, to obferve whether my company 
was agreeable; but meeting with no very warm reception^ 
I confefFed my pafTion^ and Sylvia declared fhe was at her 
father's difpofal : Overjoyed at this reply, I hafted to her 
father, who was equally pfeafcd to find his daughter fo duti- 
ful ; nothing now remained but to agree about the dowfy, 
&c. which being fetfled, the day was fixed, and our nup- 
tials confummated. 

After the cuftomary vifits were received and returned, 
I had leifure to refieft on my life's behaviour, which was 
very uncommon, having never yet obferved her m a good 
humour; nay, fhe would fcarce converfe with me, iidlefs 
fhe wanted fome unneceflary piece of furniture, or new 
cloaths ; all fuch deihands I gladly fupplied, nor even thought 
any thing cxpenfive that purchafed her the leaft fatisfa^ofl. 
In fhort, being willing to be content at any rate, I took all 
in good part, and flrove to oblige her in every thing; but 
fhe, inflead of endeavouring to merit my regard, repaid 
(and flill repays) my kind treatment with fcorn and ill-nature. 
In one of her gloomy fits I defired fhe would inform me 
of the caufe of her difcontent; adding, that if any thing 
in my power would make her happy, flie might command 
both me and my fortune: She fighed, and feid, neither . 
could J^rd her any content, for fhe could not love me, and 
all my officious endeavours to pleafc were to no purpof^. , 
Surprized at fuch an anfwer, I afked why fhe married jne ? — 
She replied becaufe her father reprefented the neceffity of 
accepting fb advantageous an offer, and alfb the. happinefs 
that would attend a life of affluence; that long before fhe 
knew me, a young fellow of finall fortune had gained her 
affeftions, but that her father had, at my appearance, com- 
manded her to forbid his viffts, and declared, he never would 
give her a Shilling unlefs fhe accepted me for a hufband. 
Thunder-flruck with this declaration, I afked no more quef- 
tions, ribr longer wondered at her uneafinefs ; but pity her 
wretched fate, and contemn myfelf for being fo inconfiderate 
to take a woman's hand, without being fure that her heart • 
confented to the gift. , 

No flation in life can fu rely be more miferable than mine ; 
ma^fter of a woman, and not of her affeftions ; fond of her 
to tht highefl degree, yet I havq the mortification to find 
all my kindnefs is repaid with cold indifference : Could I 

but 



A COLLECTION OF ESS Ay S, Sec- 1S7 

but hate her, I (hould be happy ; -but, that is impoflible. 
How do I envy many poor couples, who can fcdrce procure 
the common neceflaries of life,, yet enjoy a heaven, if com- 
pared to my wretched lot ! They are never mifcrable, unlefs 
fubfiftence is wanting ; while I, thpugh poffefled oif every 
thing I defire, that wealth can purchafe, am ever tormented 
with a troubled mind, which renders the benefits of fortune 
infipid. Experience has now copfirmed me in the opinion 
of contentment, communicated to mankind in former ages 
by the wifeft infpired Writer: Better is a dinner of herbs, 
where bve is ^ than a flailed ox, and hatred therewith. 

..^. ;■ \ ': '".-If 4m,; St. 



To the PRINTER. 
Sir, / 

'HPHE following is acopy of a remarkable, and I mayaflurediy 
•*• fay, original, Recepit, for rent aftually given on Chrlfl- 
mas Day 1762: It was to a fub*fubtenant, and as its pof- 
feflbr permitted me to take a copy of at, at the fame time 
informing me, that its Author was^ clearly of opinion, it would 
be of excellent ufe to all Landlords, Stewards, Tenants, &c. 
I have carefully examined its chronological charaftereftics, 
and find them ftriftly true ; and have ventured to prefent it 
to the Public fcMr a New Year's Gift, begging leave (as I do 
it without confent) to fupprefe the parties names. 

I am, Sir, 

Your humble Servant, 

Dec.2j, 17^3- Timothy Blab. 



RECEIVED, this Anniverfary Day of Christ's Na- 
tivity, according to vulgar Chronology, December 
the 25th New Stile; in the fcd year of the X VIII th Cen- 
tury of the Chriftian ^Era, fynchronizing or coinciding with 
the 6475th year of the Julian period ; the 2870th year 
firojp the foundation of the truly, ancient city of London ; 
the fecond year of the 635th Olympiad; the 2515th year 
from the building of the ancient city of Rome; the 2511th 
B b 2 year 



i88 THE POLITE MISCELLANY: on, 

year of Nabonafar, or the 2087th year of the Philippic Epo- 
cha; on Saturday the pth day of the Egyptian IVaudering 
Month, Phamenoth: xht 18 17th year and I loth day from Jiifi- 
us Caeiar's Invafion of England; the 1479th year of the Dio- 
clefian Radix, or iEra of the Cophtic Martyrs; the i8th 
day of xhcjixed Egyptian month Chaac ; the 1176th year 
of the Turkifh Hegira, or Flight of Mahomet; the 8th 
day of the month Guimadi the lid. two years and 61 days 
from the Acceffion of King George III. to the Crown 
of Great Britain; &c. 54 days after a Lunar partial Eclipfe^ 
which fell out in the 251 ith year of Nabonafar ; on Monday 
the I Jth day of the Wandering Month Tybi, at the interval 
or diftance of 2484 Egyptian years, and 106 days, or 2482 
Julian years and 216 days from the m 6ft ancient [Lunar] 
Eclipfe, recorded by Ptolemy to have been celebrated at 
Babylon the 29th of Thoth In the 27th year of Nabonafar,, 
and in the firft year of the reign of Mardokempad, the,5t3i 
Chaldean King (in Scripture ftiled Merodach-Baladan, the 
fon of Ealadan, King of Babylon) -— of Mr. S. R. of - — , 
in the county of Middlefex, Goldfmith and Jeweller, by the 
hands of Mr. J. K. in the prefence of Mr. R. F. one piece 
of gold coin of the proper coin of this Realm of Great 
Britain, called an Half Guinea, of the valtie of Ten Shil- 
lings and Six-pence, in full for 43 days and 1 2 hours rent, 
due this day, for two rooms next the firmament, lately 
in my tenure and occupation, in the dwclling-houfe of Mrs. 

^J. H. fituate in , in the parifh of St. James, Clerken- 

well, in the faid county,- and in full of all demands, 

per me, 
Witnefles, T. F. alias the Con- 

R. F. juror, alias Jack 

J. K. Ketch's Praecur- 

V for. 



Under the Receipt. 

Memorandum, This 25th day of December, 1762, 
this Receipt was duly figned and attefted in the prdfencc of 

mc, 

D. S. Notary-puhlick. 






A CfrLliECtiOM OF ESSAYS,- 6cb. a^ 



' An 'AN'E€3^'0T^ relmw^ to Qq>tmh / ^ A H B Y^ 

IN the rdgn of q«eea Ann, captaiii Hardy, "wtidfe Aip 
vra^ ftatibned at Lagoi$-bay, iiapfDWJed to receive tmdoubt- 
'cd advice of the ariiiml of tiife Spadiih grifeons urfder the 
co^iito;^ of 17 fi^a of/W^air, fo the harbour of Vigo; and 
without any warrant for fo doing fet fail, 4wid .^deftch 
expedition that he came up with Sir George Rook, who was 
then admiral andxommander in chief in the Mediterraneao, 
and gave him that intelligence; which engaged him to make 
the beft of ^hi^a)^t9/y'igo, where all the before-mqntioned 
galleon's atik fSenof-war ^^ere dthtsr taken or delttroy'd. 
, Sir George was (enfible of the importance of the advice, 
and the ftuiceftful ex.f>feditton of tiie captain^ btit after the 
fight was over, the viftory obtained, and the proper advan^ 
tages made of it, the ^^nairal or4ered captaia Hardy on beard; 
and with a ftern coai^teniance, fm hd-Q^ done^ i^//;,- faiijh|, a 
Tjety important piece rfjervice to tlye queen-; ymh^ye^iild^d 
to the honour and riches ^ your conntry Jfy ypur ^Hig^e ; 
iut don^t you know that you are at this thjlant liable to bejhot 
fot quitting your Jiation?'^'S^'s Hfm^rthy to hara^-oiom^ion 
under her majejlyy refklyVi the captain, who holds, hif^mvn 
life as aught ^ when the ghry and intereji of his '^uemund 
cmntry requires Mm to hazard it. On this heroic anfwer, 
the admiral difpatched him home with the firft news of 
the viftory, andieftersof reatomdndatioti to the queen, who 
inftantly knighted hi^» ai^d afterwards ma^e him a; Tear- 
admiral. 1 



j^n A NEC DO T'E relMve to. the Pnnst^tf €0 NT/. 

THE prince of Contl being highly pleafed with jthe in- 
trepid behaviour of a. grenadifer atthefieg* 6f Phifiipf- 
burgh, in 1734, threw him his purfe, excufing the fmall- 
Dcfs o( the fum it coritafe'd, as being toc^ jtocMr a re^^ard 
for his courage. Next morning 'the gmnadier wfent to the 
prince with a couple of diamond rings and odier jewdk of 
confiderable value. Sir, faid he, the gold I found in your 
purfe I fuppofe your highnefs intended me; but thefe /bring 
hack to you as having no claim to them. Ton have, foidier, 
aniwered the prince> doubly deferved them by your bravery^ 
and by your hgnejiy ; ' therefore they are yours. At 



i 



190 THE POLITE MISCELLANY: or, 

Ai the eamejl Requeft of feme rf Qur CtifiomerSy the following 
POEM, tho' long fince printed, is inferted; but we defire 
nothing may hefentusforihefamepurpofe, unlefs ne^v and 
elegant; and thofe luhc are not judges, would do well to 
confult fame proper perfon before they put us to unneceffary 
trouble, on thefe accounts s and they are alfo defired t9 ps^y 
the Poftage. 

THE 

UNKNOWN WORLD; 

Occafion*dhy hearing a Passing Bell. 

HARK ! my gay friend, that folemn toll 
Speaks the departure of a foul ; 
'Tis gone ; that's all we know ; but where. 
Or how, the unbody'd ghoft does fere. 

In that myfterious world, God knows. 
And God alone, to whom it goes; 
To whom departed fouls return 
To know their doom, to fmile or mourn. 

Ah I by what gllmm'ring light we vicW* 
The Unknown WoRlD'wc'rehaft'ning to! 
God has lock'd up the future page, 
And planted darkncfs round the ftage. 

Wife Heav'n has made it all perpldtt, : 
And drawn 'twixt this life and the next 
A dark impenetrable fcrcen, 
-And all behind is all unfeen. 

We talk of heaven, and talk of hell ; 

But what they mean no tongue can tcU. • 

Heaven is a place vAittt Angels are, 

And hell of horrible defpair. ' 

But 



J 



A COLLECTION OF ESSAYS, 8ct. 191 

JBut what thele awful words imply. 
None of us know before we 4ie; 
Whether we will or no, we muft 
Take the fucceeding life on truft. 

This hour, fuppofe, our friend is well, 
Death-ftrurk the next, cries out— -Farewell i 
I die,-— and then, for all we fee, 
Ceafes at once to breath and be. 

Thus launch'd from life's ambiguous (hore, 
Ingulph'd in death, appears no more ; 
T' immerge where ghofts unfeen repair, 
- In diftant worlds, we know not where. 

Spirits fly fwift, perhaps 'tis gone 
A thoufend leagues beyond the fun, 
Or twice ten thouiand more twice told. 
Ere the forfaken clay is cold. 

f ■ 
And yet who knows ? the frien4s we lov'd, 
Tho' dead, may'tot be fo far remov'd ; 
Only this veil of flefti between. 
Perhaps glide by us, tho' unfeen. 
/ ■- ■ , ■ 

, While we their lofs lamenting, lay. 
They're out of hearing far away ; 
<3uardian8 to us perhaps they're here, 
Concc4'd in vehicles of air; 

And yet no notices they give. 
Nor tell us where, or how they live ; ' 
Tho' confeious, while vdth us below. 
How they themfelves defir'd to know. 

As if bound up by iblemfi fate 
To keep this fecret of their ftate. 
To tell their joys or pains to none ; 
That man might live by &ith. alcme. 



Well J let my fovereign, if he plcafe. 
Lock up bis marvellous decrees ; 



Why 



^^2 THE FOLITE MISCEXLAKY: oi. 

Why ftiou'd I wifti Mm to reveal ' 

What he thinks proper to conceal ? 

It is enough that I believe 

Heav'n's brighter than I can conceive; • ^ 

And he who make»it allhkcai^e " 

To ferve Gbix here, (khU fee him therct - 

But, oh ! what worlds (hall I furvey. 

The ihomcnt that I leave this clay ? . ^ 

How fudden Ac fiirpcize I how aew I 

God grant it may W happy too ! 

FIDELITY. 

FIDELITY, though now np more ,i 

Was highly piiz'd in days of yore ; 
With tory, whig> or ?.ny one, 
. An upright firm companioQ ; , 
Whether dull mortals turn'd her out. 
Or whether fhc miftoak her rout, ,, , 

The nymph no curious fearch could find 
Among the haunts of hunun kind : . , 

But to the World's diigrace and coftj 
Th' unhappy fugitive was loft. 
In vain the papers advertife 
Her name, apparel, flisy)e, and fi?,e ; 
In vain thro' ev'ry mar^iet town 
The Cryer bawl'd it up aud ioi^xi^. 
Rewards were ofFer'd all in vain ; 
None bring the wanderer back again. 
At length meer accideat betray'd 
The lurking of the frighted maid^ 
.-— - Where can you guefs the nymph wa* found ? 
In kennel, with the yelping houad. 
For men (he faw wercsapes or hog^> 
And none were faithful brutes, but Dogs. 

I NG hAT ITU B E. 

OUR GOD and Sol diirs we alike adore, . ' 

EV\i at the brink of danger, not beforci 
After dcliv'rancc both alike requited. 
Our GOD'S forgotten, and our Soldiers flighted. 



il GOLLECVlOK bf ESSAYS, &C 79J 

^An A N E C D T E relative t^ the latt' reverend 
BASIL KEN NET. 

•nr^ilE late tcverend Baflil Itennet was once diflplaki is! ^ 
> Jb fliip of tl%r; and ^ his plate was to intfe with hi^ 
brother officers, he found they were ib addk^ed to the im- 
pious and nonfenfical vice of fwearing, that he ^i<|Light it 
not becoming his charafter to contintie any longer amoang » 
th^% «n1efs he could pi-evail upod them to leave it dff; but 
Cdhceivirig at the Rme time that any grave remonftrancd 
'VfpxM h^ve but little effeft^ he bethought himfelf of a ftra-» 
tagem which might anfwer his purpofe. One of the com- 
paoy having entertained the reft with si ftory agreeable 
coough in itfelf, but fo interrupted and perp'exed wftb 
damme! ihod and tvoundr f ^nd {uch like (hocking expletives 
Ki niade it cfxtremely ridiculous. Mr. Kennet then began at 
ftory himfelf, which be made very entertaining and inftruc* 
tivCi bti.t interlardtd it Ivlth the words bottky pot, ^nd' gh/s^ 
at evciy fentencc. The gentleman who was the raoft given 
fo tfee fifty vice, fell a laughing at mr. Kennet, whh a great 
Sh- of contempt. . f^hy, fald he, G-^-d d'-T7ime, Do^or, 'at 
tt> yeur Jtbryy it is well enough: but what the d — I have w^ 
to do with your d- — d bottle, pot, and glaft ? Nfr. Kennet 
tcry calmly replied, Sir, I Jindym can obferve wlmt is ridi-^ 
cutous in me, which you cannot dtfcover inyourfelf ; and there-^ 
fop3' you ought ntit to be (ff ended at my expleiivei in difcourfi 
any more than your own. "'-Oh, oh/ d-^fnme, par/on, I/moke 
you : you Jball not hear mefwear another, oath whilfi I am iH 

ymrcdmpaf^i tsotdid)^. %' - . 

« • . . , § 

An ANECDOTE relative to Lofd ORFaRD, 

WHEN lord Orford was upon his traVds, during his 
ftay at Rome he appeared in a private maimer/ but 
yat took care to fee every thing that was curious in a place fo 
much the admiration of the whole vst>rld. It happened, 
however, that notwitbftanding all his precautions, his qua* 
liQr came to be known to the prelcnt pope Lambertini, who^ 
petbaps, is the moft fenfible man that ever filled the Roman 
^»y nk Ifoli&eft immcdiateljr upon this lu^dee, fent a mofl 
^ •' C c friendly 



^4 THE FOJUtE MISCEi^LANYl ot, 

ieadly invitatioQ to his lordfhip to come and iee the airio* 
U6S io his^otm palace, acquainting him art the £lme tiiM, 
bat he Jljoiild take tf partieular fatisfa^on in Jbnving him 
7ie things that he was fare he ixjould be fkafed with. Hit 
ordfhip returned a fuitaMe anlwcr, cxcufing himfelf 'iiT* 
>Ute manner for not viiiting his Holinefe ifi fcM-m, a||d 
tanking him for the great honour done nim, which ki<f 
lew not ho\v to teftify better than; by a ready accqit*. ^ 
ice of his invitation. Accordingly his > Lord/hip, next. 
orning, attended by two friends, who were ii^wife upoor 
leir. travels, went to the palace, and was received by th^ 
ppe with particular marks of honour and refpeA, as b^eiqj^ 
le fon of a perfon whofe cbarafter was fo well knoiwai^ 
iroughout Europe ;' and after condjQ^^ing them himf^ 
trough every room in his palace, and Aiewif^ them mapy 
lings that hardly any proteftant had ever been permitted t^ 
e at Rome before ; when they were preparing to tai^e^eii^' 
ave, hefaid to them with a moft familiar, open, and uii^ 
ferved countenance, Gentlemen, I know you want no indul^* 
ncesy pardons, or abfolutions, at my hands, hecaufi your r#- 
\ion teaches you to laugh at thofe things : but the bkfftngs ef^ 
\ old man C4N do you no harm; and fo clapping his naiMi^ 
fpeftfullyc^ their beads, be&id, God bUfiyoui Cod bkfi 
uj Godblejs you^ 



t 



the MEMOIRS ^ the Family •/ ORRERTt 
. there is this remarhibU STO RT. ^ - ^ 

■ ■" ' "'■'-• ' ' ' V 

3N£ time when lord Broghill was rl<&ig,, widi Crmn^ 
well on one fide of him, and Ireton on the other, at 
e head of their army in Ireland, they fell into diicourfe 
>out th« death of Charles I. Cromwfell ddcbfed, that if^* 
le King had followed his own mind and had had trnfty fer* 
int^ about him, he had fooled them alt; and addd3,\t|l|^ 
ice they had a inind to haire clofed with him, but trjjkA 
mething that happened, they ftU off from that -deffgn.*^' 
ord Broghill alked the reafon. We found, replied 'ii^ 
lat the Scots .and the Prefbyterians began to be more IJaiirw^ 
ful than we^ and if they made up matters ^iih-ih&rSiai^i 
e fhould have been left m the lurch ; therefore we thofo^lrf* 
beft' Co preveat them, by>offeriog firft. te rcoatoeiaiupaQ^ 

. . -reafonabkf ^ 



i^ 



I 



A COLI/ECTIOW OF ESSAYS/ ^c.' 19^ 

ioi^SBable conditions* But' M^hile we were -bdfied in' tlefe 
^hovC^^ tbere cam^ a letter d&om €ne<^our ffilcs, who 
ve^ of itbe IQng's bed^damber, which acqti^s^Med uK, tMt 
te that dky. our final doom^ was decreed ; that he could not 
poffibly tell what it was, but w« might find it out if vr^ 
^n^ intercept a l^ter frony life King to tWi^en ; Which 
letter he faid was fcwed up in the ikirt of a feddle, and^he 
bearer of it would come with the faddlc on his head, about 
two o'clock that night, to the Blue-Boar-Inn in Holbourn, 
for there he was to take horfc and go to Dover with it. 
This meflengcr knew nothing of the letter in the faddle, 
bm finne pei5>n$ iirrpdyeir did. We were at Windfer vfhtn 
^ recdived this advice, aud immediately Ireton and I rjfc 
fi^yed to take one trufty fellow with us, and in troopers 
habits to go to the inn in Holborn, which we accordingly 
did^ *d jfet o«ip mm ^t the gate of the inn, where the 
wicket oQl]if;wa$c<^>eii tiD^ let people <th and^out. Our man 
VHS ^ give us nf^ice when any peribn came Acre witb a 
ftd^le, while we, in the difguife of common troopers, caH«d 
fcr.qkos of beer; and continued drinking tidi about ten at 
xlj^t, ^e& our castteel gave notice, that the man with the 
S^d^ was come ib. Upon this we immediatdy roie, andas 
^)^<inan was leading out his horfe faddkd, came up to him 
^th dr#wn fwords, ^od told him we were to fearch all that 
went in and out there, but, as he looked like an honeft man 
we would only ieardi his iaddle. Upon that we ungirt the 
-&UUe, and carried it to the hall where we had been drinkn 
y^ Jeaviiig ; the borTem^ with our centinel ; then ripping , 
up; one of the fldrts of the feddle, we there found the let* 
ter» and having got it (into ourhands, we delivered the fad* 
dkkit^ tbetHi^Qi, teUing^him he was an hondl man, and lie 
Alight go al^out his bofinefSi. The man not knowing what 
hao. been ^ne, went awa]!! ;to Dover. As ibon as we. had 
r^d, the letter* we loimd the King had acquainted the 
Q]|een, That bewas now courted by both the faftions, the 
S^ifeGh'^prelbyterians and the army, and which bid fiiir^ft 
£%i^ (h^uld hai^ehim • but he thought to dc/h with the 
So^ ifboner thao the vther. Upon this,, added Cromwell; 
JW itook borle and went to Windfor, and finding we weri^ 

f^tnttcly to have say tokeable terms jBpom the King, wc 
j(^ .^t tune forward refelved his ru^ - • 

-' :^f '-'-' ' -^ • . .- -';. •■'>; i^'L.'- :;r!*,' ,v:.:^' ■-■■■" 'aih'» 
Ji^m^. C c ^ Thi«; 



19$ THE FOLITB M^SOELLANY: <) «, 

This lord Brog^ll W33 the firft earl cjf Orrery,. ibtSMtcd 
by king Charles U. for the (hare he had ia the reftorttioo V 
fbough during CromweU*s adauoiftratiOa he had bee» em^ 
ployed by .that ufurper, add fenred him futhfully in Ireland 
and Scotiaod. 

Ireton was brother-in-law to GromweU^ smd'tke pnitdfid 
pffici^r in whpm be jnoft ccHifidcd, ^ : ' 



To the PRINTER. 

Sir, 

I Am i perfon, ordered by my phyficians to travel for my 
health. This gives me an opportunity of vifithg'tnotk 
parts of this khigdom. As I am of a contemplative difpo« 
fition, I have the greateft pleafare in making ray obfei*va- 
dons upon places, pcrfbns, and things f and nolhing hreigh- 
tens it more, thaii to fee the vaft improvements tli^t are 
made within thefe few years, by gentlemen in theh' rdpee- 
tivc eftatcs, gardens, and habitation^;. This will«!ffi>r4 to 
themfdves a rational fatisfaftion as long as they Iff^ an^t 
be of infinite advantage to their pofterity. Bet what dif 
pleafes and aftoriifhcs me much, is to fee the vaft track 
of commons in this kingdom lie barren and unculllvat^y 
which might, with little expence, be a great part ^' tba!l 
improved for public utility. > 

The advantages that would accrue from Indofing them 
are fo obvious in every refpeft, that it would be needlds td 
incntion any, and endlefs to mention all. Give me leave,^ 
therefore, to intimate only in one inftance, wherein the com- 
munity In geneipal, and every parifh that has large com- 
xnona in it in particular, might receive the greateft benefit 
iaiaginable, from fuch inclofures. The yearly increafe rf 
the Poor, I believe, is a general compfeittt thro' the king- 
dom : How eafy, then, might this cbmplaint be, in4 ^eai 
meafure,' removed, by takingin asmiich'ciewnntoinginevefty 
parilh, as would maintain their Poor? And as theL'egiflff- 
tureis now fitting, with what facility might a properfchcme be 
formed, and a general law made, for this laudable intention ? 
There are a great many gentlemen and freehoMdrs in tW 
natipn, I m^e iio doubt would begiad to inefofeart thelf 
own expence, and pay futh rents for the land upon )ong» 
fenewable leafes, and under theianflion of an aAof pat;- 

&am^nt. 



ikunent, for the M^ ai-^sc -Pocir» as .feottld i>e Aoiigfatf 
adequate, \ b; peFfebu flimiimUy chde by truQ^es, til4'tbiu&^ 
fely^ ta|>ut:a vakeupoutiiekn^, i :!;.„.; i> 

^ iTo iky i^t fiicb <a &h^c wbul4 cooFtribate to Gsk tbe 
value of other knd^ aktacly incldledy I apprehend^ i^ ndb 
a;taruGibfl|^^(Hqiif^£M:^^im e^^ day fcelsMDiJi^iocr^eifi theib 
taluey add 4ipplkat^q[ -^ilcxugb itiade fpi: jt^ett^ent^, iwheiiK 
ever^ ihey become vacant* To obj^ft iikiewlfe, that it woiklil 
be iajurious to pferlbiis who keep (hasp on tte comin(»iis,r{ki 
alib> I thiak, a vag»e obj@£Hoaj^ for there wi[ll be fufHckml 
left for that purpofe, in' moft places, of commpoing nor 
worth inclofing.; and it is well kno\vn that ftieep kept in ia- 
clofures are mucji fooner fed, and their wool much preferable 
to the wool of thofe iheep that are paftured upon commons. 
It muft, therefore, be fome little, private interefl of their 
own, or ibme fordid inclination to obftruflt^all ptiblicK^^^DBd^ 
that can induce • any^ perforijto oppofe a plan,^ lb generally 
ufeful ; and I imaging that lords of manors would Qptf be 
againA it, becaufe all their ri^ts and liberties would be pro- 
perly and amply fccured' to them, ^by an aft of parliament 

This is an oblcrvauoa that hasipccu^r'd to me in my tfa* 
vei$, and if you think it worthy a place in your ufeftiljAa^ 
jgazine, or that it may induce a more able pen, to put? it: in 
a more extenfiv^, and belter light, you are welcome to in : 
fcrtit. •> 

lajn, Sir, Your , 

PHILANDER. ' 

J METHOD to preferve POTATOES from being 
. -^ deflroyed. 

IT )iarbecn difcovcrcd by ibme Naturalifts, that fruits pe- 
netrated by froftj fuch as pears, apples, &c. receive no 
ipjury tl}ereby, provided the nitre or frofty particles ^rc ex- 
trafted,, by putting the fruit into cpldwata: when ^ thaw 
approaches, and letting it remain t^^e^a ppnyeoient time, 
UiUil it i$i purged, a? it were by dcgj^es, qf all the nitrbus 
i^cute, which the air -by its s^ivity,^oul<lag'^vte. with fuch 
violence ia a thaw, r^ tp lapsr^te tt^ ilibflance of the fruit, 
jmd re4*Jce it to a-JjIft ,piijp or liquj.^, 1:'he waterfceihs 
in ihls ii^an<;ei a^a^Iixiv^tofu^kaway tl^ofc jsninute.thoms, 
:■•;. ' y^ ■ ' : by 



r^ 



"'^'Xt 



<98 THE »OL1T»*MfaC1RfirXANY: or, 

^iMr dc|^to/^d without offending the iblids of ilie 
kxut^ !1?his cxperimoitinay beienicttded, to/coots, ,and par- 
ticularly to Potatoes: The lau>wkdge .of this euerimc^it 
[ 8Uty be the meaosof prefervlDg^e food, .and. conleqiiea^y 
tke lives of thoiifands in this idij^oiQ^.'where ^the lofsof 
^t root by froft* iaxhc year i74o» bad cauiSbd th&pedjMl &• 
mine and iickoeis knownin the spemoryof inai^ ; butitwould 
be hig^y imprudent for thofe who have a Aore of Potatoes, 
■ot to guard them with tke utmofl care from fioA; as it isi 
better to keep oF an enemy, than be at the trouble of dri- 
ving him out. 



ADVICE U> BELINDA. ^ v^vT 

; 'T^HE counfels of afrieAd, Belinda, hear* / * 

X Too roughly kind to pleafe a lady*s car; , 
Unlike the flatt'rics of a lover's pen, : :. 

- Such truths as Women fcldom learn from -/Wifir.' i i i^ 
Nor think I praife you ill, when. thus I flicw 

. What female vanity might fear to know i ^ 

• Some merit V mine, tp dare to be fmcere, , , . 

: But greater your's fiqcerity to bear. . 
. Hard is ^he fortune that your fex attends; ;, 
Women - — like Princes — r-j5nd few real friends; 
Mod who apprpach them their.own ends purfue; 
Lovers znd Mi?7i/iers ^re feldom true; 
Hence oft from reafon heedlefs beauty ftrays. 
And the moft trufted guide, the moft betrays ; 

'Hence, by fond dreams of fancy'dpow'r, amus'd. 
When moft you tyrannize, you're moft abused. 

What is your fix's earlieft, lateft care, 
Your heart's fupreme ambition I ---- to be fair. - . ^ 

^ For this the Tbi/^^ every thought employs ; .? , i 

Hence all the toils of drefe, and all .the joys: i ,. 

For tlus, hands,, lips, and .eyes, are put to fchool, ;:' 

And each ipftrufted feature has its rule ; . „ . 

And yet how few have learnt, when this is giv'n, ^ 
Not to difgrace t he partial boon of heav'n : , 
How few, with all their pri4e of form, can moye ?- . / 
flow few are lovely, nature form'd for l0Ve? T t ;; 

,. . ^ .. ... . .^^ 



A, CQLLE^T KJN Of ESSAYS^i kef ijf$ 

Doyou, my ft^ir; ciidcatTioftr tb poflHI ;' ' ■ yV* 
An dcgancc of iW«4'i^ "i^ • ''» 

Be that yburornaflloriti aiMi. know^ to pbafe 
By ^racefiil natore^i^^fted cafer " ■ ^ 

N#tbaketadang'*|C)Us wi a voiii pretence i 
&ut wifely-reft cofiteoe^— •^ with thodkA-iftM^t : ""' 
^ For wit, like wine, ittfoxifeatcs the farafr/^ 
Too ftroBg for fcebfc iwoiaan to fuftainj ^ 
Of thofe who ddaxit, mdre than lialf have n<»e. 
And Half of tbb^e who have it — - arc oadote. ' 

Be ftUl fupcrior to yonr fex's arts, - 
Nor. think difhonefly^ a proof of |>arts i 
For you, thcplaineft'is the wi&fl rule, 
A cunning wooian — *'i$ a kaavifti fooL , ' 

Be good yourfeifi -nor think anotherV fliamir r 

Can raife your merfef or'adorD ^Urfeme* 
Prudes rail at ff%or^^,as-:i'/fl/^/fewin di%ractf 
At Minijiersy be^ufe iAey ,wifti their place. / 

Firtue is amiaye, miHi ferene, . ' 

Without, all beauty, and afl peace wkbiaf 
The honour of a prude,' is rage and ftorm : 
'Tis uglinefs,, in its moft frighful Fdnii| ^ :" 

Fiercely it f^nds, defying gods and men^ 
As fiery Monfters guard a Gianfs Den, 

Seek to be good, but aim aot to be great, . 
A woman's nobleft ftation— ^ is retreat; 
Her faireft-virtiies'ftfrfroBi public fi^t, * ^^^ 

Domeftic worth, that fhons too^feoi^^:%hti 0? 

To rougher '^^sEtttolblf^kj^ 
*Tis our*8 in fcnates, or mtiebhrt&to ihiiict > 
Tolabour for ifuakxdBiEip|«jdf^^^ .. ' :t 
dr. dare the rage of entfif^^^nand be great;!: ! * 
One only care yoUT'^geaittd Bse^ftaifhouUrmpvi^ ' * 
Th' important bufia^iafnyoor life ^-»*-ii5 Moe^ 
To this grearpiBsfiiliJirffifbyofrifcoaft^^^ . ^ * 

This makes your hip^pliwft,: aadrtiii$'iybt|iT£uiie, ' ^ 

Be never cool>efo^:i«ridi paffioii jcfi^cl;'! v / 
Love not at all, or elfaiK^fiasimy ki&dv'-^"^^^ 
In this, extreaMviaJtoestair.tJk^ 
^hc Firtue oft mhmiki^iB^ijSr. »rv' f. :' •, r v :, 

Contemn the lltficJh^d&pmngfPak^ ' d- 
)^or diiok tliat Conqueft.pM&9$ O^ddint^ v > 



I 



too ^^^!K tOlil^K M<$tSBLrl/ANr: c>f|t. 

Short is the period of infultmg powV, 
Offended Cupid finds his veogcfu J hour ; > 
Soon will refumc the empire which he gave,' 
And fooo the tyrant — ftiall become a flaisc . 

Blefs*d b the i^aid, and worthy to be blefs'd; ! 
Whofe foul, entire by him fhe- loves poflefs'd, 
Feels every vanity,, in fondnefs lofl, 
And aflcs no powY, but that of plcafing moft^ 
Hcr*s is the hUfs, in fwect return, to prove 
The honeft warmth of undiflembled love; 
For her, inconftant:man might ceafe to range. 
And gratitude forbid defire to change. 

Thus I, Belinda, wou'd your charms improve* 
And form your heart to aU die arts- of love : 
•the tafk.were harder to fecure my own, 
Againft the pow'r of thofe already known ; 
For well you twift the fecret chains, that bind 
With gentle force, the captivated mind; 
Skiird e\''ry foft attraftion to employ. 
Each flatt'nng hope, and each alluring joy « 
I own your genius, and from you receive 
The rules of pleafirig, which to you I give* - . 



To Mifs S- 



MY deareft Mtfs, with all fubmiffioo, 
I hefeprefent you a petition; 
And humbly beg, you'll give admiffion 
To my recfueft, a coalition 
Of hearts, I mean, then, bleft conditloB ! 
A life of love is the fruition; 
But, if you have the leaft fufpicion 
Of nxy poor heart, all my anJ>itioa 
Will be to prove, with i your ^mcflioif. 
That, during life, notoneomiffipoi 
Of due r^fpeft, or the Commifiton ^ 
Of any crime,, nay, oppofition 
To your dear will, fhall caufe di«rai«i j 
'Twixt you and me, without amtridoifv • 
Then holdaicr'not'in cold derifion^i^ 
Nor cruelly qtofe lay perdition, ' *.. < 

But to my joys give tru^ completictt. 



I 



A COLLECTION OF ESSAYS, &c. ctot 

EPILOGUE To WHAT WE must all come to. 

Spoken by Mifs Elliotv * 

T/f7^H^ Vie mujl all come to .^-What ?— Come to what ? 
r A"^ Muft broils and quarrels be the marriage lot ? _^ 

If that's the wife, deep meaning of our Pdct, 
' The man's a fool ; a blockhead ! and Til ihew it. 

What could induce him in an age fb nice— 
So fam'd for virtue, fo refin'd from vice. 
To form a plan fo trivial, falfe, and low? 
As if a Belie could quarrel with a beau : 
As if there were — in thefe thrice happy days. 
One who from nature, or from reafon ftrays ? 
There's no crofs huiband now, no wrangling wife,— ^ 
The man is downright ignorant of life. 

'Tis the Millennium this — devoid of guile, 
Fair gentle Truth, and white-rob d Candour imile. 
From every breaft the fordid love of gold 
Is banifh'd quite — -no boroughs now are fold ! 
Pray tell me. Sirs— -(for I don't Jcnow I vow) 
Pray — is there fuch a thing as gaming now ? . ' 
Do Peers make laws againft that giant vice, 
^nd then at Arthur's break them in a trice ? 
No-*-no^-our lives are virtuous aU, auftere an4 hard ; 
Pray, Ladies, do you ever fee a card ? 
Thofe empty boxes fhew you don't love plays; 
TThe Managers, poor fouls I get nothing now-a-daySr 
If here you come — by chance — but once a week, 
Tbo. Pi^ can witnefs that you never fpeak : 
Penfive attention fits with decent mien ; 
No paint, no naked (boulders to be fcen ! 

And yet this grave, this moral, ^ pious age. 
May learn one ufeful leflbn from the Stage. 
Shun ftrife, ye Fair, and once a conteft o'er. 
Wake to a blaze the dying flame no more — 
Frona fierce debate fly all the tender loves, 
And Venus cries, * Coachmaa —Put-to my doves.' 
Tibe genial bed no blooming grace prepares, 
4^4 ^very day becomes a day of gares. 

f D d A 



\ 



202 THE POLITE MfStELLANY: oa, 

A NEVER-FAILINO BEAUTY WAiB, 

to be ufed the Year round. 
Jn a Itetter from a Lady of DiftinSHon to Mrs, ♦ * ♦ ♦, 

MADAM, 

AS you fecm fo intent on improving the perfonal charms 
of your already amiable daughter, I can no longer 
delay anfwering your letter.- — You would be glad, you fay, 
of a receipt to make a Wafti ; but it muft be pcrfeftly inno- 
cent. What I recommend. Madam, is truly fo, and will 
greatly beautify and prefcrve her complexion. 

Pray let her obfcrve the following Rules V— In the morn- 
ing fair water is to be ufed as a preparatory ; after which (he 
muft abftain from all fudden gufts of paffion, particularly 
envy, as that gives the fkin a fallow palencfs. It may fecm 
trifling to talk of temperance, yet muft this be attended to, 
both in eating and drinking, if flie would avoid thofe pim- 
ples, for which the advertifed Wafhes arc aboaftedcure. In-, 
ftead pf rouge let her ufe moderate exercifc, which will ex- 
cite a natural bloom in her cheeks, not to be imitated by 
art. Ingenuous candour, and unafFefted good humour, wiu. 
give an opennefs to her countenance that will make her uni- 
verfally agreeable. A defire of pleafing will add fire to her 
eyes, and breathing the morning air at fun-rife will give her 
lips a Vermillion hue. That amiable vivacity, which fhe 
now poflcffes, may be happily heightened and preferved, if 
ftic avoids late hours and card playing, but not otherwifc ; 
for the firft gives the face a drowfy difagreeable alpcft, and 
the laft is the mother of wrinkles.- — A white hand is a very 
defireable ornament, and a hand can never be white unlei^ . 
it be kept clean; nor is this all; for if the young iadywrU 
cxcell her companions in this refpeft, ftie muft ke^p her 
hands In conftaht motion, which will occafion the blood to 
* circulate freely, and have a wonderful efFeft. The motion 
I would recommend, Is working at her needle, or fome 
ufeful exercifc. It was the induflry of our grand-mo- 
thers which gave Kneller an opportunity of gratifying po- 
fterity with the view of fo many fine hands and ai*ms in his 
incomparable portraits.— —A ftw words. more arid I hatrc 
done.— —Let her prefcrve an unAffefted neatnefs in her. a^- 

Earel; her fortune will permit her to drefs elegaJntljrV Wtt 
er good fenfe fliould always, prevent her from defending 
to gaudinefs ; which ftrikes the eyes of the ignorant, hut 

di%ufts 



A X^X^fTXQM OF ESSAYS, to. 503 

di^fts thde of true tafte and difcernment; befides. Ma/* 
dkm, your daughter has lb many natural charms, that (he 
can have no occaflop to wear cloaths that will attraft all 
the attention of the multitude.^ She poflefles more beauties 
than (he is acquainted with, ^which is no fmall addition to 
her merit; but how can it l>e otherwife, when (he is your 
daughter and has your example to imitate ? I am, &c. 

HUMOROUS REFLECTIONS on the Infiability 

of Wordly drandeur. 

AN alchoufe-keeper near Iflington, who had long lived 
at the fign of the French King, upon the commencc- 
jiient of the laft war with France, puHed down his old fign, 
and put up* the Queen of Hungary. Under the influence' 
of her red face, and gold fceptre, he continued to fell ale, 
till (he was no longer the favourite of his cuftomers : He 
changed her, therefore, fome time ago for the Kjng of Pruf- 
fia, who may probably be changed in turn for the next great 
roan that (hall be fet up for vulgar admiration. ; 

Our Publican, in this, imitates the Great «cafl:ly, who 
-deal out their figures, one after the other, to the gazing 
crowd beneath them. When we have fufficiently wondered' 
at one, that is tak^n in, and another exhibited in its room, 
which feldom holds its ftation long ; for the mob are ever , 
pleafed with variety, 

I muft own I have fuch an indifferent opinion of the vul- 
gar, that I am ever led tofufpeft that merit which raiiea. 
their (hout ; at leaft I am certain to find thofe greats arid 
fometimes good men, who find fatisfaftion in fuch. acclama- 
tions, made worfe by it ; and hifltory has too frequently 
taught me, that the head which was grown this day gidcfy 
with the roar of the million, has the very next been fixed 
upon a pole. 

As Alexander VI. was entering a little town in the neigh- 
bourhood of Rome, which had been juft evacuated by the 
enemy, he perceived the townfmen bufy in the market-place, 
in puling down from a gibbit a figure which had been de- 
figned to reprefcnt himfelf. There were alfo fome knock- 
ing down a neighbouring ftatue of one of the Orfini family, 
with whom he was at war, in order to put up Alexander's 
effigy,^ when taken down, in its place. It is poflible a man, 
who knew left of the world, would have condemned the 
adulation of thofe barefaced flatterers; but Alexander 
D d 2 fecmti 



n 



204 THE POLITE MISCELLANY: or, 

feemed pleafed at their zeal, and turnnig to Borgia, his fon, faid 
.with a fmile, Videsmijiliqudrnlevedifcrhnen inter palibuhan et 

ftituv.m, *• You fee, my fdn, the fmall difference between 
a gibbet and a ftatue." If the great could bp taught any 
lelibn, this might ferve to teach them upon how weak a 
fbiiiidatioa their glory, ftands, which is built upon popular 
applaufe; for as fuch praife that feems» like merit, they as 
quickly condemn what has only the appearance of guilty 

Popular glory is a p«rfeft coquet ; her lovers mtfft: toil, 
fv:el every inquietude, indulge every caprice,' and perhaps 
at laft be Jilted into the bargain. Tr"e glory, on the other 
hand, reiembles a woman of fenfe ; her admirers muft play 
no tricks; they feel no great anxiety, for they are fure, in 
the end, of being rewarded in proportion to their merit. 
When Swift ufed to appear in public, he generally had the 
mob fhouting in his train. " JPox tal-.e thefe fools," he 
would fay^ " how much joy might all this hollowing give 
my llord Mayor." 

A Chinefe, "Who had long ftudied the works of Confu- 
cius, who knew the charafters of fourteen thoufand words, 
and could read a great part of every book that came in his 
way, once took, it into his head to travel into Europe, and 
obferve the cuftoms of a people whom he thought not very 
much inferior even to his own countrymen, in the arts of 
refihhig upon every pkafure. Upon his arrival at Amfter- 
dam, his paffion for letters naturally led him to a book- 
feller *s (hop : as he could fpeak a little Dutch, he civilly 
afked the bookfclJer for the work of the immortal Ilixofou. 
The bookfcller affUred him, he had never heard the book 
mentioned before. *' What ! have you never heard of that 
immortal post (returned the other, much furprized), that 
light of the eyes, that favourite of kings, that rofe of per- 
fedllon. I fuppofe you know notching of the immort^ Fip- 
ilhihi, fecond coufin to the moon? Nothing at all, indeed. 
Sir, (returned the other.) Alas! (cries our traveller) to what 
pnrpofe, then, has one of thefc faded to death, and the 
other offered himfelf up as a lacrificc to the Tartarean 
enemy, to gain a renown which has never travelled beyond 
the precinfts of China." 

There is fcarce a village in Europe and not one univcrfity, 
that is not thus f urniflied with its little gr^at men. The 

^ head of a petty corporation, who oppofes the defigns of 
a prince, who would tyrannically force his fiibjefts to fave 

their 



¥-■ 



A COLLECTION Ot* ES 



*crv 



aof- 



thdr'befi: cloaths foc'Sundays ; the^puri^j!pc(iatjt, yKoKhds**' 
one undifcovered* pfifopfe^ty 'm the 'Pbiype, describes fiti un- 
heeded procefsp ih the ikdeioti of a mole, an^ whofe mind, 
like his microfcope, perceives nature only, in detail^ the rhy- 
mer, who makes fmooth veries, and' .paints to our imagina- 
tion, when he fhould only ipeak to our hearts ; all equally 
fancy themfelves A^alking forward to immortalit)% and dc-.^ 
fire the crowd beHind them to look on. The crowd takes * 
them at their word: Patriot, philofophier, and poet, are' 
ftiouted in their train. ^ Where was there ever fo much merit 
feen ? No dime ib important as our own ; *age$; yet unboi'n, 
fliaJJ gaze with wonder and applaufel To fuch mulic the 
iiiiportant pigmy. moves forward, buflUn^ and fwellmg, and" 
isipi\y competed to s^puddk i]^ a Jlom?." \ ' ' "^ 

I have lived to fee generals and patriots, who once had . 
^owds hallooing after them wherever they went, who were 
bepraifed by ne^ys-papel's and in magazine's^ arid ycft th.ey^ 
have fongYunk injto merited obfcurlty, with fcarce eveh kn 
epitaph left to flatter. A fewyears a^o thfe^Memng-fite^^ 
employed all Grub-ftreet; it^ was the topic in' every 'coffee-^ 
houfe, and the burden of every balladi We were to 'dr^^ 
up oceans of gold from the bbttoAi oFthefea; we were 
to fupply all Europe with herrings upon our owhterms.^ 
At prefent w e hear no more of tttsi \We have fifhed ifp-^ 

verf "*•'"■ call learn: Ndf'do we fiiirtiifh th^- 

wo J ' was expcJSrcd. Let' us wait a few^ 

air find all oui^ eipefVationV in Kef-'' 




)Esvir$in''th^ Pdrt ^ South 
lAGUAY, and their ^larreh wlih^ 

\tXLCQ <md Peru are prodigies of 
* cruelties ie^^etcifcd in the reduc- 
tmtries, the total extermination of 
»mingo, and of fome other of the 
fture horror to us in its utmgft 
iment of the Jcfuits in the f;ne^ 
pears, in many refpefts, a great 
For this would feem as an invifible 
to expiate, in fome degree, the 
ucrors. 

icrn, and the Jcfuits in the South- 
ern 



1 



206 THE FOLITE MISCELLANY: o », 

era parts of America, have exhibited a fcenc quite new to 
the world. The Primitives (or Quakers) have foftencd 
the manners of the Savages bordering on Pciifylvania: They 
have inftrufted them by example only, without infringing, 
in theleaft, on their liberty, and have procured them feve- 
ral of the comforts of life, with which they were before 
unacquainted, by the means of commerce. The Jcfuits, 
•"it. is true, made religion their inftrument to deprive the plan- 
tations of Paraguay of liberty; but, in return, they poliflied 
and rendered them induftrioos, in fuch fort as to be enabled 
to govern a vaft traft of territory, with the fame caft and 
facility a convent can be governed in Europe, It hence ap- 
pears, the Quakers have oeen the moft juft ;■ the Jefuits the 
moft politic. The firfl: have confidcred the very idea of 
enflaving their neighbours, in a heinous light; the others 
have arrogated it as a great virtue, to overcome Savaged 
by the ways of mildnefs and inftru^ipD. 

Paraguay is an cxtenfive coUi>try^ fituated betwccD tSe 
kingdoms of Brazil, Peru, and.GbjM. The Spani»irds ren- 
dered themfelves mafters of thp toafts, and built the town 
of Buenos Ayres, a phce of £rctt commerce, on the banks 
of die River of Plate (Rio drf Plata ;) but however power- 
« ful they might have been, their, iumber was too inconfidera- 
ble to reduce fo many nations dwelling in the jnidft of fo- 
refts. .Au acquifition of new fubje<5is, in the reduftion of 
thefe nations, was necefiary to them, to facilitate the cont- 
munication, between Buenos Ayres and Peru, They were 
aflifted more in that conquefl: by the Jcfuits, than they could^ 
be by thdr own foldiers. Thefe Miffionartes penetrated, 
by degrees, into the interior parts of the country in the 
feventcenth centurji, A few Savage^ taken in their in- 
fancy, and educated at Buenos Ayres, ferved them for 
Guides and Interpret^s. Their hardfyps and fatigues, 
equalled thofe of the Conquerors of the New World. Re- 
ligous courage is, at leaft, equal to the Military. Thefe 
are never diflieartened by aby danger : In fhort, they fuc- 
ceeded in the following manner. 

The oxen and fheep that were brought from Europe to- 
Buenos Ayres multiplied to a furprlzing degree ; of thefe they 
brought a great number with them, as alfo feveral carts 
loaded with implements of hufbandry and architcdlurc ; 
fowed feveral plains with the different European corn, and 
bcftowed all on the »$ivages, who were hereby rendered 

faihiliar^. 



A COLLECTION OF fiSSAYS, &d. 207 

familiar, like bcafts taken by a lure. This people was com- 
pofed of families fcparate from each other, without any 
religion, or fodalintercourfe: They were early accuftom^d 
to fociety, by giving them new cares refiilting from the pro- 
duftions lately brought amongft them. The Miflionaries, 
aflifted by fome inhabitants of Buenos Ayres were obliged 
to inftruft them in cultivating the earth, planting corn, 
burning brick, working up timber, and in framing and 
conftrufldng houfes, &c. fo that thefe men were loon tranf- 
formed into rational creatures, and became fobjefts of their 
benefaAors. And if they did hot embrace Chriftianity at. 
once, which they could not comprehend, tfceir children, 
educated in that religion, became entire good Chriftians. 

The firfl eftabliftiment confifled of finy families, which, 
in thq year 1750, hicreafed to one hundred thoufend. In 
the fpace of one century, the Jefuits formed thirty diftrifts, 
which they called the 'Country of the Miffions; each of which 
contain, to this time, about ten thoufand inhabitants. A 
Corddier, named Florentin, who pafled through Paraguay 
in 171 1, and who, in every page of the account of his tra- 
-vels, teftifies grer>t admiration of this government, fo new 
and uncommon, lays, that the plantation of St. Xaverius 
alone, where he fojourned a confiderable time, contains, at 
the leaft, thirty thoufand fouls. One may conclude, with-^ 
out being miflaken, that the Jefuits have gained themfelves^ 
fotir hundred thoufand fubjcfts, by the fole expedient of 
religious perfuafion. 

If any thing can give us a proper idea of that colony, 
it is the ancient government of Lacedcmon. In this 
country of the Miflions every thing is in common. Their 
neighbours of Peru know nothing of gold or filvcr. The 
thief merit of a Spartan confifted in his obedience to» 
the laws of Lycurgus, and that of a Paraguean to thoft 
of the Jefuits. Both States refemfcle each other nearly 
in every refpeft, except that the Paragucans have no Haves 
to fow their corn or cut down their timber, as the Spartans 
had, they being themfelves all flaves to the Jefuits. 

This country, in fpiritual matters; is dependent indeed 
on the Brihops, and in temporals on the Governor pf Bue-; 
nos Ayres, and is fubjeft to the Kings of Spain, iriliiie 
manner as the countries of Plate, (la Plata) and Chili ; bat 
the Jefuits, founders of the Paragnean colony, bave hidierto 
maintained themfelves in the abfolute goverpment of th« 



\ 



.>68 THE P.aLlTE MISCELLANY: or, 

p€opk they xiv:ili;2:ed. They give the King of Spaia a piaftre 
annually for eatn of their iubjefts, which is paid to the Go- 
i veiuor of Buenos Ayres, cither in wares, or money, for 
they refcrve this* precious metal to themfelves, never per- 
mitting their people to touch any. This is the only mark 
of vaflalagGor lubjedlion the Spanifh government has thought 
proper to require. The Governor of Buenos Ayres can 
•neither fend amongll them any officer civil or military, nor 
the Bifhop any Curate. . 

It was onqc endeavoured to fend two Curates to the 
plantations of Our Lady of the Faith, and to that of St^ 
' Ignatius : The precaution was €vcn taken to efcort them 
thither by foldicrs. The people inflantly abandoned thcix" 
habitations, and fhat-tered themfclves throughout the other 
Cii^itons, fo that the two Curates, being left quite alone, 
were obliged to return to Buenos Ayres. 

A fuccecding Bifhop, irritated at this adventure, refolved 
to eftablifh the common Hierarchy^ or Order of Prieilhood, 
;i]l over the country of the Millions ; he invited all the Ec- 
ckfiafticks under his jurlfdidlion to repair to him, and receive 
their fpiritual commiiTions : Not one durft appear. Thefe 
notable tranfaftions are related to us by the Jefuits themfelves, 
in their apologetic Memoirs. They remain, then, abfolute 
matters ih the fpiritual, and not lefs fo in the more intereft* 

ing part of government, They permit the Gover^or to 

fend his officers into Peru through the country of the Miffions, 
but their ftay in it muft not exceed three days. . They 
are not to fpeak to any of the inhabitants ; and, although 
they appear under the King's authority, they are, in reality^ 
treated with the diffidence of fuipefted ftrangers. The Jefuits, 
who "have ever artfully worn the moft fpecious outward 
appearances, have made motrves of piety their pretext 
to juftify this conduft, which, however, might be more pro- 
perly conftrued into infult and difobedience. They declared' 
to th6 Council of the Indies, at Madrid,, that they could 
not receive a Spaniard in,to then* provinces, left it fliould 
corrupt the manners of the Paragueans ; and that pretence, 
fo litfle to the honour of their Mother Country, was ad- 
mitted by the Kmgs of Spain, who have never been able 
to avail themfelvcspf any fervices of this people, but on the; 
fingular terms juft before-mentioned; terms diflwnouring 
to iiich a haughty, yet faithful a nation as Spain. 

, ' - \. I To be concluded in our next. ] 



I 



A COLLECTION OF ESSAYS, Sec. 26J 



CpHClfUsiQN of "the Government of the JefuiU in Paragu^^;, 
\X^ South ^-inerica. 

The manner in which this government (of Paraguay) the 
paly Qne of the i^tad on earth, is adminiftered, is as follows. 
The Prpyincial Jefuit (pr Governor of each Province) affifted 
by his Council, digqft? tjie laws ; apd everj Rcftor, aidri 
by another CoupciT, enforc<;3 the obfervation of them : Ai| 
Attorucy in behalf of the Government (Procurettr Fifcal) 
tQ profecute io all canfes of a public nature^ i§ chofen out 
pf the iubabitants of each diftrift. ^ This Law-Officer has 
under him a Lieutenant. Thcfe too make every day the 
rounds of their Jurifdiftion; and apprize the Superior Jefult 
of every thing that paiTes. 

All the people work ; thofe of each trade pr calling aflem- 
ble and work together, in prrfence of Superintendants ap- 
pointed by the Fjfcal. The Jefuits fupply the hemp, cotton, 
and wool, that the' inhabitants; fabricate. They alfo fupply 
the grain that is fdwn and gathered in common. The crop 
ia laid up iji public magazines or granaries. What is nccef- 
6j:y i$ aiftributed to each family; and the remainder fold 
at BueoQ§ Ayrcg, or in Peru. 

Thcfe people have alfo cdnfiderable flocks. They cul- 
tivate corn, pulfe, indigo, cotton, hemp, fugar-cancs, ja- 
lap, , ipec^cu;ma, but efpecially the plant called the Herb of 
Paraguiiy, a kind of tea, much in reque(t in tihe fputhcra 
parts of^ America, (in our colonies called South-Sea Tea) 
an4 with which there is ^ cpnfiderable traffic carried on. In 
return, they bring home money and wares; Thefe hfk the 
Jefuits diftributc, and employ the gold and filver in the deeo- 
rj^tion of their churches, andfor the fupport of their go vcrn- 
ment. In every diftrift they have an arfenal ; and on fi3ced 
d^yi arms are given to fuch of the inhabitants as undcrftan4 
the ufe of thejn. A Jefuit direfts the exercife, which i$ 
regularly pcrforn^ed, and the arms brought back to the arfe* 
nal ; the inhabitants not being permitted to keep any in their 
houfei. The feme principJes, that have conduced to mak^ 
thefe p«)ple the mofl: fubmiiEve fuWefts, have, at the fame 
tim«, formed them into excellent fpjdiers, thinking it their 
indifocDfeble duty both to obey and, fight. Their affiftancc 
ha$ teea fevcral time§ yguted, to check the incroachipents 
E e of 



1 



210 THE OOLITE MISCELLANY: dK, 

of the Portuguefe of Brafil, the depredations of a banditti 
called Mamelus, as alfo of a race of Indians called MoTqui-* 
tos : The Jefuits always condufted them (afting as Generals) 
in thefe expeditions, and they have fought wim order, cou- 
rage, and fuccefs. 

In 1 66a, when the Spaniards befieged the town of St. 
Sacrament, of which the Portuguefe poflefTed thenrfclves, and 
that was attended with fuch uncommon circumftances, a 
Jefuit led 4000 Paragueans to the affault, who foon carried 
the place. I cannot pafs over an incident which fhews that 
thefe Religious, accuftomed to command, knew more of 
the art of war than the Governor of Buenos Ayres, who 
was at the head of the army. This General was defirousf 
to have fome rows of horfcs placed before rfie foldiers deftined 
for the aifault, to the end that the fire erf the enemy's artil- 
lery, fpending it's force on thefe animals, the men might pre- 
fent themfelves at the breach with kfs rifque : The Jefiiit 
demonibated the ridicule and danger of fuch an expedient, 
and caufed the attack to be made according to the proper 
rules. 

The manner in which thefe people have fought in behalf 
of Spain fufficiently evinces they tould defend themfelves 
4gainft her power; and that it would be a dangerous expe-* 
riment to endeavour altering their government. Nothing is 
more certain, than that the Jefuits have to this prefent time 
formed an empire in Paraguay, 400 leagues in circumference, 
and which is capable of being further confiderably extended. 

Though fubmitted in appearance to the King of Spain, 
themfelves are the Kings in reality ; and, perhaps, the beft 
Qbeyed of any Princes on earth. They have been at once 
Fundators, Legiflators, Pontiffs, and Sovereigns. 

An Empire formed on fuch an odd, outK>f-the way con- 
ftitution in another hemifphere, difplays an efFeft the more 
diilant from its true caufe, than hath ever yet appeared in 
the world. We have fcen Monks become Princes time im- 
memorial, here in our little Europe ; but they have attained 
this elevated degree of grandeur, fo oppofite to their voca-' 
tion, by progreffive fleps natural enough : They got at firft 
extenfive eftates, which in time became fiefs and principalities, 
as other eftates have done. But in Paraguay nothing was 
given to the Jefuits : They made themfelves Sovereigns with- 
out afFcfting tjo be the proprietors of a finglc atre of ,land j 

aad 



■ ' \- 

A COLLECTION OF ESSAYS, &c. 211 

♦ ^ . .' . , ■ 

and all this was of their own doing. They at laft,' however, 
abufed their po>ver, and lofl a great part of it; for when 
Spain ceded the town of St. Sacrament, and its extenfive 
xiependencies, to Portugal, the Jefuits had the boldnefs 
to oppofe that agreement. The people they governed 
rcfufed fubmitting to the dominion of the Portuguefe, fo 
that they refifted equally their old and new maflers. 
' If the Abridged Relation {Kd^Qio Abbreviadi) is to be cre- 
dited, the Portuguefe General of the Jefuits (d'Andrada) 
wrote to him of Spain (Valderios) that " tl;ie Jefuits are 
the only rebels. Their Indians made two feveral attacks on 
the Portuguefe fortreft of du Pardo, with an artillery exceed- 
ingly well ferved, &c." The fame account adds, that thefe 
Indians decapitated their prifoners, and brought their heads 
in triumph to the Jefuits who commanded them ; but this, 
is not probable. What is more certain is, that their province 
of St. Nicholas revolted in 1757, and fen t 13,000 comba- 
tants into the field, under the orders of two Jefuits, Lamp 
and Thadeo. This was the origin of a report current that 
y^ar, that a Jefuit made himfelf King of Paraguay,, alTum- 
ing the title of Nicholas the ift. . 

Whilft thefe Monks waged war in America againft the 
Kings of Spain and Portugal, their brethren in Europe were 
Confcffbrs to thofe Princes. But at laft they we're accufcd 
of rebellion and parricide at Lifbon, were expelled Portugal 
in 1758, and underwent violent ftortas at the Court of Ma- 
drid. They were alfo driven from all the Portuguefe colo- 
' nies in America ; but they ftill reniain the fole mafters of 
all the Spanifh Paraguay, into which it is exceedingly 
difficult to penetrate. Thus they ftill divide the Sovereign 
authority with the Kings of Spain, in an immenfe extent 
of territory. It is perhaps the only example of dominion^ 
thus acquired, to be found in the hiftory of the univerfe. 



Extra^s from the Dialogues on the Ufes of Foreign Travel ; 
conjidered as part of an Englifhmati' s Education; het*meef%- 
lord $H JFTS BURY and mr, LOCKE. By the Editor 
ff Moral and Political Dialogues. ' 

TH E principal fubjeft of thefe Di^ogues is not travel- 
ling in general, but early travel, between the age of 
iixteea 8«d twenty one ; and the commendable drift of the 
E « 2 Author 



^i2 THE POLITE MiSCELLAMYt q k, 

Author is to divert Englifti parents, if poffible, from fend 
}ng raw, Ignorant, uftgotcrtiabte boys, udder (hallow, fer* 
yile, interefted tutors, cither to travel, 6r to ftudy at a 
foreign iJnlverfity. Lord Shaftefoury (Authc^ of the Gfe- 
ran.) is made the advoqitc for early travel ; and is oppofed 
by Mr. Lpcke. The heads of Lord S's principal arguments 
are as follow. 

Ignorance atid barbarity are the parents of the moft and 
the worft vices. Conceit, pride, bigotry, ftrocity, inhu- 
manity, crnelty, are the proper iffue of the human mind, 
under thefe clrcumftances. And no method has been found 
fo effeftual to enlarge the mind and cure it, at once, of all 
prejudices, as a knowledge of the world, acquired in the 
Svay of fociety and general conyerlation. By a' ftrec prof- 
peft of the differences fnbfifting between different nations 
each gets quit of his own vices ; and thofe of others, pre- 
fentiJig themfelves to our unbiaffed obfefvatlon, are not 
fo readily entertained, or do not ding fo feft to us, as what 
have grown up with US. 

We* of this country have a more than ordinary occafitMi 
for the benefits of foreign travel. And the reafon of the 
\h\ng (hews, they cannot be obtained too fopn. Young 
minds are ihe fitteft to take the ply of civility and good 
mannerfi. Can there be any thing more ridiculous than the 
idiot prejudices of otir home-bred gentlemen », xx^ich (hew 
thcmfdves, wheneX^er their own dear ifland cbmts, in any 
fei]^e«fl, to be the topic of conversation ? What wondrous 
conceits of their own prowcfs, wlfdom, nsy, of their man- 
tiers and poiitenefs ! Nay, their fbolifh prcpoffcflion extends 
to their Very f5il and climate. 

15 ut this is the leaft inconvenience of their home-breed- • 
ing. How many low habits and fordid pra^ices grow npon 
our youth or fortune, and even of quality, from the infiu- 
ence of their family, or at bcft provincial, education ? They 
rot?/iri fo much of their Saxon or Norman charafter, that 
rheh- Bobkft paffion is that of the Chace ; and their fondeft 
parfuit, a horie-race, or other ruftic diverCon. Their 
ideas are all taken from the ftable or kennel; atd they 
have hardly words for any other fort of converlation. In 
conjunftion.with this habit, or in dlreft .confequence of it, 
• they plunge themfelves into the brutalities of the Bottle 
and Table. Having little nfe of the faculty of thinkteg 

•• -■' Of 



/ 



i 



ii COLLECTIOK QF ESS^AYS; &c. ; ?I3 

pr difo>ttrfmg on^any redboable fubjcft, they care not how 
foon they difable themftlves for cither. To this end, their 
Siirloins are of fovcreign eifeft-. And if any fpark of the 
divine particle be ftill unfnbdued, they quench it forthwith 
in the ftrongeft wines, or Which fuits their tafte and dpfign 
beft, in their own country liquon. This fottifti debauch 
leads to others. My young mafter will be denied no animal 
gratification. And thus low intrigues, and vulgar amoufs 
follow of courfe, in which the fum of hi^ refined pleafares 
is at leiigth compleatcd. The reft of his life^funs on in this 
drowzy tcnour ; milefs perhaps you except thofc intervals, 
which can hardly be called lucid, when his half-clofed • 
underftanding fecms ftunned, rather than awakened, by 
party-rage, eleflion-buftle, and the noife of faftion. 

But fuppofe our young gentleman to have efcaped this 
fordid tafte; fuppofe him to have been well whipped thro* 
xxie of our pubiick fchooh, and to come full fraught at length, 
with Latin and Greek, from his college. Yon fee him now, 
on the verge of the world, aftd juft ready to ftep into it. 
But, good heavens, with what principles and manners 1 
His fpirit broken by the fervile awe of pedants, and his 
body unfaftiioned by the genteeler .exercifes ! Bring but 
pne of thefe grown boys into a circle of well-bred people, 
fuch as his rank and fortune entitle him, and in a manner 
oblige him to live with ; his aukward attempts at civility 
would provoke laughter, if agdn, his ruftic-painful bafh- 
fulnefe did not excite one^s pity. What wonder if the young 
man, imder thefe circumftances, is glad to flirink away^ 
as foon as^poflible,from fo conftraininga fituation, and, to 
feek the low fcrclety of his inferibrs, at leaft of fuch as him- 
felf among his equals, where he can be at eafe, and give 
a loofe to his unformed and difordcrly behaviour ! 

The acquaintance and familiarity of men of eminent 
parts and genius, are another confiderable benefit refulting 
from this way of foreign education. 

But ftill there are higher things in view, from travelled 
culture and education. What fay you to that fupreme ac- 
oompUfliment, a Knowledge of the World ? By a Knowledge 
of the World, I mean that which refults firom the obferva- 
tion of men and things; from an acquaintance with the 
/Ooftoms, and ufagcs of other nations ; from fome infight 
into thdr policies, government, religion. 

Iknow 



214 THE POLITE MISCELLANY: o», 

I know thisfcience is too difficnlt to be pcrfeftly acquired, 
but by Jong habit and mature refleftion : But it muft be 
^ allowed meat the fame time, that fo important a ftudy cannot 
be entered upon too foon. Let a young man be taught to 
give an early attention to the manners of men, toobfervc their 
qifpofitions, to infpeft and analyze their charafters . What 
a field is here for an intelligent young man, ailifted by the 
fuperior lights and tpcperience of an able governor ! 

I fhall be allowed, I hope to lay fome llrefs-on the Libe- 
ral Arts. , It is notorious enough how backward we 
have been, and flill are [in 1700] in all thefe elegant and 
miife-like applications ? But the likelielt way to quicken the 
l^rowth of thefe ftudies, is to turn our attention from the 
bad models of our own country, and enter into a free com- 
merce and generous ftruggle, as it were, with our more 
advanced neighbours. Policy, as well as philosophy, is on 
the fide of thefe ftudies. Who can doubt their virtue in 
foftening and refining the manners of sr people ? Or, to 
take policy in its vulgar fenfe, where would be the hurt, 
if Britain were the fea|; of Arts and Letters, as wel} as of 
trade and liberty ? Then might we be travelled to, in our 
turn, as our neighbours are ^t prefent; and our country 
amidft its other acquifitions, be alio enriched ; I ulc the* 
word in its proper, not metaphorical fenfe, with a new fpe- 
cies of commerce. Not to infift, that the afcendant which 
one nation takes over another in all puolic concerns, is very 
much owing to this pre-eminence of tafte and politcncfs, to 
its acknowledjjed fuperiority, I may fay, in the literate and 
virtuofo chara«51er. 

The cbntemplation of thefe defe(ftfi, carries me to the 
fource and fountiiin of them all. Time was, when Philo- 
fophy herfelf could appear with grace even in courts j when ' 
the great and noble, nay, and Princes themfelves, were not 
afliamcd to be of her train, but frequented her ftudious 
fcHools and walks, and were even ambitious of her com- 
pany in their hours of leifure and recreation. See now to 
what unpra<^ifed cells and ignoble focieties (he is degraded ! 
her graceful form faded and fhrunk ; her ingenuous, fprightly 
air deadened into I know-not-what gloom and aufterity of 
the cloifter; her liberal manner fouredinto difdain and hate ; 
her perfuafive voice^ which fpoke the language of the Gods, 
broken into untuned numbers and difcordant harfhnefs; 
and her very fenfe corrupted into empty fophiiins and unin- 
telligible jargon. [7<? be conchideJ in our next J] 



A COLLECTION OF ESS^VSi Sec. 217 



Conclusion cf the Extrafts from the Dialogues on the 
Ufcs of Foreign Travel. 

In fome fuch way as this, were I at liberty to purfue die 
• figured fpecch, and to adopt the higher tone of the an- 
tient mafters, would I prdume to reprefent the prefent flate 
of Erudition, as we fee it managed in certain fablime feats 
and authorized nurferies amongft us. And would ypu invite 
our liberal and noble ybuth to refort thither ? Could you 
cxpcft that their minds could ever be formed and tutored 
by -fuch pedants, in a way that cduld fit them for tli6 real 
praftice of the world and of mankind ? 

In the fecond Dialogue^ Mr, Locke is the chief JpeakeVy and • 
anfwers his LordJhip*s arguments one by one. 

You hive laboured, my Lord, with much plaufibility, 
to perluade us, That the only rcafonable education is that 
which fits a man for the commerce of the world. Your 
Lordfhip it may be, in your fubiime view of things, is 
prpjefting to .make qf your Pupil, what is called, m the 
wideft fenfe of the terms, a Citizen of the world. But, 
firft, if you plcafe, let us provide riiat he be a worthy citizen 
of England. This fmall ifland of our*s is that world, in 
which he is to play his part. I require, then, that hi3 mind be 
early and thoroughly feafoned with the principles of virtue 
and religion: That he be trainee?, by a ftrift dilcipline, 
to the command of his temper and paffions: That his •am- 
bition be awakened, or rather direfted, to its right objeft, 
the Public Good; and, to that end, that his foul be fired 
with the love of excellence and true honour : Above all. 
That he have a reverence for the legal conftitution of his 
country, and a fervent afFeftion for the great community, 
to which he belongs. I require, in the next place, that 
he have a ready and familiar ufe, at leaft^ of the Latin 
tongue (your Lordfhip I know will add, and of the Greek; 
but in this I am not fo peremptory) That he be compe- 
tently inftruded in the eleiQents of fcience, as well as what . 
are called polite letters: That, efpecially, he be weli 
grounded in the prindjrfes of morals, public and private : 
That he have made, a thorough acquaintance with the hiftory 
of his own country, and with its conftitution Civil and 
F f Ecclc- 



aiS THE POLITE MISCELLANY: aR, 

Ecclcfiaftical : That he have a general infight into the hiftory 
of the world, anticnt and modern : Above all, That he 
have a well exerciied underftaoding ; I mean, that he be 
uught to reafon dearly and confequentially npon any fub-* 
jeft; and, farther, to put all thefe abilities to ufe, that he 
have a ready command of his own language, and the power 
of exprefEng himfelf, whether in writing or fpeaking, with 
eafc and perfpicuity, at Icaft, if not with elegance. But thtic 
things. It is not poUible to attain in the "wzy of foreign Tra- 
vel. Confider, firft of all, the unavoidable wafteof time; 
of that time which is the moft proper for making the acqui- 
fitions I fpeal^ of. Confider, next, the diilipation of mind 
attending on this itinerant education. But were no account 
to be had of the lofs of time, or of this diflipatcd turn 
of mind, his attention is wafted on things either frivolous 
or unimportant. His firft bufinefs is to make himfelf per* 
fcft in the forms of breeding, which he finds in ufe among 
thofe he lives with. His next concern, is to acquire a rea- 
dincfi in the languages of Europe ; or, to (horten his labour 
as much as poflibk, at leaft in the French language. If any 
thing farther employ his attention, it is perhaps a little vir- 
tuofofliip. He inquires after fine pictures, fine ftatues^ 
fine buildings. 

The firfl: iire of your zeal, my Lord, is fpent on that 
fwarm of prejudices^ with which our Englifh, or at leaft 
provincial, youth are commonly over-run. If by prejudices 
yott mean vicious principles ^ properly fo called ; thefe, it 
is certain, muft be rooted up, and "the fboner the better: 
But then there is no need of crofCng the feas for the bene- 
fit of fuch an operation. 

As to the low, fordid, and immoral habits, which ftrikc 
into the lives and manners of our youth, your Lordfliip 
had done wdl to (hew what there is in a foreign air that is 
fo propitious to good habits, as that none but fuch can 
thrive in it; or, if there be a mixture of good and bad, 
as with us, how your traveller (hall be fecured againft an 
invoice? 

The aukward bafti&lncfs of *a young man is a fin which, 
I know, admits of no expiation in good company. How- 
ever, what good company will not pardon, it will fooa ' 
remove. Afid, till that bleffed tim© comes, let it ^ry? be con-^ 
fidercd that the modefly of an ingenuous youth, thougha ter- 
* - • ' ' " , rible 



A COLLECTION OF ESSAYS, Ice. 219 

rlble vice in itfdf, is yet favourable to fomc virtues* It 
is full of deference and refpcft; it prefcrves innocence; 
nouriflies emulatioh; and, till rci^n be of age to take 
the rein into her hands, fufpcnds and controuls all the paf- 
fions. BaMulncfs is but the pafiage from one feafon of 
life to another; and, as the body is then the leaft grace- 
ful, when the limbs are making their laft efforts, and haf- 
tening to their juft proportion, fo the manners are the 
leafl: eafy and difeogaged, when the mind, , con&ious and 
impatient of it's imperfeflions, is flretching all it's faculties 
to their full growth. They are the Ladies only, or chiefly, 
that have affixed fucb an idea of merit to this envied 
quality of good-breeding; and, as appearances are thought 
to fway full, enough with that delicate fcx, they may 
perhaps have advanced the credit of it ibmethifig higher 
than fuch an accompliftmient defervcs. What there is of 
ufe or beauty in polite carriage will come of itfdf, with a 
little experience of the world and good company. 

With regard to the knonuledge of the v)orld,> can your 
Lordfhip ferioufly expeft that a j^oi^^tj boy fliould compre- 
hend the eiFeft which government, policy, inftitution, 
and other circumftaaces of life have on the pliant reafon 
of mankind ? or, that he ihould have the (kill to difentan- 
gle the various folds and intricades in which their real 
characters lie involved through the infidious and diicordaat 
working of the paifions, even on the fuppofition that he 
were admitted into what is called, the beft company ? But. 
how fliall this privilege be obtained? In what country 
can it be thought that the politenefs of eminent men will 
condefcend to a tree and intimate communication with boj^s, 
of whatever promifing hopes or illuftrioiis quality ? Certain 
flight and formal civilities, your Lordfliip knows, are the 
ntmoft that can be looked for. But if, by uncommon faga- 
clty and good luck, fome acquaintance fliould be made 
with fuperior perfons, and fdmc little infight at length be 
gained into thdr real characters; of what mighty advantage 
will this be in life, when their bufln^fs lies amongA other 
men ; and when the fame induftry and attention had brought 
theni acquainted with the chancers c^ thoie, they muft 
a£k and live with ? *" 

The affair of hwwing the worlds is, of all others, 

the niccA ^ x^oSk momentous ftep that it made in 

Ff2 Educa- 



220 THE POLITE MISCELLANY: or, 

Education. A young man, they tell us, muft know the , 
world ; therefore, fay they, puih liiin into It at once, that 
he may acquire that knowledge, which his own experience, 
and not anothet-'s muft teach him, I, on the other hand, 
take upon me to fay, therefca-e keep him out of that world, 
as long as you can ; and when you let him into fome know- 
ledge of it, do it icafonably, gradually, and circumfpeAly : 
Take the veil off from fome parts, and leave it ftill upon 
others : Paint vdiat he does not fee, and hint at more than 
you paint: Confine him, at firft, to the beft company, and 
prepare him to make allowances even for the beft : Prcierve 
\n his breaft the love of excellence, and encourage in him 
the generous fentiments, he has £:> largely imbibed and fo 
perfeftly relifties ;. yet temper, if you can, his zeal witii 
candour ; infinuate tQ him the prerogative of fuch a virtue 
las his, fo early formed and fo luippily cultivated ; and bend 
. his reluftant fpirit to fome aptnefs of pity towards the ill- 
inftrufted and the vicious: By degrees open to him the real 
condition of that world, to whidi he is approaching ; yet 
fo as prefent to htnr, at the fame time, the certain inevitable 
mifery of conforming to it : Laft of ali^ (hew him fome 
examples of that vice, which he muft learn to bear in others, 
though deteft in himfelf ; watch the effeft thefe examples 
have upon him; and, as you find his difpofitions incline, 
fortify his abhorrence of vice, or excite his commiferation 
of the vicious: In a word, inform the minds of youth with 
fuch gradual intelligence as may prepare them to fee the 
world without furprize, and live in it without danger. 

People fpeak of a krtowledge of the world, as what may 
be acquired at any time, and, for its importance, cannot 
be acquired too foon. Alas ! they forget that a long and 
careful preparation is neceflary before we are qualified fo 
much as to enter on this taik. But where, you will afk, 
Oiall this mighty work of preparation be carried ? Why, 
in his college; in a friend's, or his father's houfe ; any 
where, in fliort, rather than in a foreign country, where evepry , 
wholefome reftraint is taken off, and the young mind Irft 
a prey to every ill imprefflon. 

The laft argument your Lordftip offered in behalf *of 
foreign travel, arofe out of the benefits, fuppofed to attend 
the cultivation of the fine arts. But I take thefe ftudies, 
when entered upon in early youth, and propofed as matters 

of 






A COLLECTION OF ESS.WS^ Sec 221 

of fei^ious purfuit and application, to have the moft per; 
nicious tendency ; as breaking the nerves and force of 
the mind, and infpiring 1 know not what of a uifliag 
and fuperfluous vanity. 

After all I have faid, ypur Lordftiip is not to conclude 
that I am wholly b^nt agaiaft foreign travel. For, though 
I cftecm it idlenefs, and Ibmetliing worfe, for a young boy 
to wafte bis prime and moft precious years in faunteritig 
round Europe, yet I know what ends of wifdom and of 
virtue may be anfwered by a capable man's furvey of it. 
But then, my Lord, I reckon that capacity at no vulgar 
rate. He muil be of worth and confideration enough to 
be received into the wifeft, nay the greateft, companyi 
His natural infight into men and things muft be quick and 
penetrating. His faculties muft all be at their height; his 
ftudics matured ; and his reading and obiervation exttnfivc. 
With thcfe accomplifhments, if a nian of rank and for- 
tune can find Iciftire to employ a few years among the neigh- 
bouring nations, 1 readily agree his voyage may turn out 
to his own benefit, and to that of his country. 

You conclude, upon the whole, my Lord, for the expe- 
diency of foreign travel, from the acknowledged defcfts 
of our authorized feats of learning; which, according to 
your Lord/hip's idea and reprefentation of them, are fo de- 
generate and depraved, that nothing of worth and value 
can be reafbnably expcfted from that quarter. This, after 
all, is your main reafon for advifing a foreign education. 
Your fpite is to our Univerfities 

[Here .Mr. Locke proceeds toapdogize for our Univer 
fities from the confideration of the Vnne of their inftitu- 
tion,; and the inconvenience of departing from eftablifticd 
rules : But, he adds, much of what was wrong in the con- 
ftitution of our Univerfities has been remedied by time, and. 
that^efuetude which attends upon it; and all that is worth 
acquiring in foreign fchools of learning, there is, at leaft, 
an equal chance of meeting with at hotie ; and what fhould 
be avoided, may, nay muft, with more probability, be en- 
countered abroad. Mr. Locjce next confiders Lord S.*s 
objeftions to clergy *tutors for youth ; and concludes with 
a prophetic delineation of what our Univerfities would one 
day be, and what wc may fuppofc they, in a great raeafure, 
• ' are 



222 THE POLITE MISCELLANY: o», 

are now, after the lapfc of above half a century. — Bat this 
part of the author's work will ill bear abridging; wc there- 
fore refer our readers for it to the book itfelf.] 



THE late Lord Mcleomb-Regis, when Mr. Doddington, 
having permitted a certain writer of vcrfcs to dedicate 
a volume of poems to him ; and put the author to fomc 
expence in direfting him to cancel the dedication, when the 
whole impreflion was printed off, and to dilaw up another 
with certain compliments, the heads of which his lordfliip 
was pleafed to furnifh ; he took no further notice of him, 
except that he fhewcd him his houfe, at Hammerfinith, with 
great often tation. The difappointed bard, to whofe circum- 
ftances, and very good charafter, his lord{hip was no 
ftranger, fent him the following copy of veries, which, 
being delivered to him by the hands of lady H- , pro- 
duced a handfome prefent. 



To the Right Hcyzoiirable GEORGE BUB DODDINGTON^ 

Timothy Tag well, haberdafher of Dedications, and 
dealer in verfe and profe, takes the liberty to bring in his 
bill — And his reafons for fo doing 

He thus humbly (hews. 

, Right honourable, and fo forth, 

whereas *tis confefs*d. 
By all men, that you have wit, learning and tafte. 
Beneficence furely, in certain degree, 
On fuch worth ftiouid attend, and wait even on me ; 
But fome cloud of forgetfulncfs, as it ftiould feem. 
Having (haded poor Tiin from the warmth of it's beam ; 

He now craves your leave tho' it may make you ftare — ^— 

To fend you in writing, your late bill of fare. 

For poets, in this, bear a fcmblance to cooks, 
'Tis for fuch as will pay, that they difli up their books ; 
1 could bring ftlll more reafons, but, Sir, - - ne quid nimis-'- 
Here the articles follow, fairly ftated— Imprimis ; — - 

For 



A COLLECTION OF ESSAYS, ficc. 223 

For the coft I am at to draw out fuch a bill, 

You arc debtor in equity -^ juft what you will. 

But, Sir, now alas ! for a rhime I muft ftrain hard, 
Serve me not as a cardinal once ferv'd poor j\iaynard, 
And in truth it would bring deep difgrace on the nation, 
Should a Doddlngton fall into French imitation. 

Then Item^ for trudging in all forts of weather. 
Two hundred and fifty times, all put together; 
To liiy friend, Dr. Thompfon, up two pair of ftaits. 
Who with hopes of your bounty oft luU'd all my cares* 
Item, 

For dedications two^ both which were receiv'd» 
Arid read too, infecret^ or much I'm deceiv'd. 
Item^ 

For bringing together, Young, Thompfon, Voltaire, 
As friends of your choice, and as plants of your care. 
Itenty 

For ipecchcs in parliament, prais'd upon truft, 
Tho' hear them I cou*d not, yet prarie them I muft. 

Since talk'd df with wonder and echo'd around. 

They came to my ears at the hundredth rebound. 
Item, 

For two books, all flaunting in filk and fcarlet, 
'Tis confefe- d a beau's finery may oft hide a varlct. 
Item, 

For charge of invention, to praife as, I ought, 
The piftures you've fram'd and the marbles you've bought. 
And praiies to match things fo precious and rare, 
Coft more than we Poets, for nothing, can Ipare. 

Then laft for the fame you already have gain'd. 
Which muft by the means it firft rofe be maintain'd. 
It was that drew me in — I fhould forely be grieVd, 
To be the firft creditor ever deceiv'd; 
There are many more Items, befides, I could fcorc. 
But it would be tedious to teiZe you with more; 
So I'll clofe with obfcrving, that paper and print, 
And ftamping the whole in poetical mint, . 
Hath been very cxpenfive- — and yet not a crofs, 
I've rccciv'd to the aedit of profit and lofs. 



4n 



% 



224 THE POLITE MISCELLANY: •k. 



Jn ELECT on a TALLOW CANDLE. 

PEnfivt I lay, e'en from the dead of night, 
Until the fun his daily conrfc began, 
Refleftmg on the Candle's wafting light. 
And moraliz'd the fate of mortal man. 

White and nnfolly'd was that cotton wick, 
• When from the chandler firft. to mc it came ; 
Behold how black! the greafy drops how thick? 
Such colour takes it from imparted flame. 

Such is the youth, of manners ftrift and pure, 
Till led by vice he quits his reafon's guide ; 

By flatt'ry drawn he ftoops to vice's- lure, 
And from the paths of reafon wanders wide. 

His paffions melt, his manly vigour faints, 

Nor mourns he ought his former vigour gone. 

For foul fociety his former moral flaints. 

And mother Douglas marks him for her own. 

The fool who fells 4iis freedom for a fmile. 
Or for a ribband barters f>eace of mind. 

Like wafting wicks juft glimmers for' a. while. 
Then dies in fmoke, and leaves a ftink behind. 

The many perils that ambition wait. 

When foaring high, we ftill the lower fall, 

Are but the Snuffers of expiring Kght, 

And Deadi's the grand ExtlnguiSicr of all. 



EPITAPH on CLAUDY PHILIPS, Musiciakv 

PHILIPS, whofe totrcb harmonious cou'd remove 
The pangs of guilty powV,* anci haplef^ love. 
Here fleeps — -diftrefs'd by poverty no more-^- 
Here find that calm thou gav'ft fo oft befere : 
Reft undifturb'd, within this peaceful fhrine, . ^ 

Till Angels wake thee with a Ntte like thine; 



I 



A COtLECTlON OP ESSAYS, ficfc. ii^ 



Tie ATHEIST, mmUSi^i 

CAptain MaC'^pcFitZg had been every thing in hi^ pnmcf 
he had kiU'd hts maa, r^in'd his womtn, broke his 
taylor, kick'd waiters Out of windovs, and bumm'd the 
Paribns: He had been, wh^t the world calls a very fine gen-^ 
tleman-*-^a.freefpeaker; quite the thing, as a toaft-maller/ 
apd one of the blgbeft fieUows, formeriy about Covent Gurd^w 
AU the wqinen of fpirit, both oq iid (^ the town, were 
fond of him: There was not onerenaarkable club, fit for 
a genius, and a mm of fafiuon to be admitted iato,^ but bt 
was made a member of that ibciety. 

But, aks ! a$ ^e fineft linen nuy, when grown old, and 
much wofh, be made into tinder, ib naturd is it for bloods 
about town, when old, and worn out, with tiiwlcr-like 
c^iUti»|i(H^, to tvHnkle to the laft in the fame rotten con- 
dltion. • 

The Captain had for {pme time pad been a cafual depen- 
dent on a Publican, for board and lodging; but the poor 
gjBOtleman, falling fick^ vras removed out (^ the ale-fcoofe 
garret, and carried into an untenanted houJe, and an uncor* 
tainfd bedftead, a fiock bed, and two or tliree hoij^tal 
blanket^, laid for bim to dl^ in. 

It is comsEioa for cbimney^weq^ers, lb ijiark a houie 
wlucb is not inbabifed, and 4^ up .thcfirft ^e they fiod 
the door open to get the foot away: The maid of the aie-. 
boiiT^ hfA, that mprning, very early, been tp fee how the 
Qaptsun was, b#@EMife ihe ia4 driaw^d ihne thnes of Inm^ 
tlmi fdgk Ju<:€^fulfy : Owing 4own carelefsly, (he left die 
door iirjar;. this two da^mioy^iVeep boys ikw, and up flairs 
^y parted into ^ jroom, wbece the Captmn was, wfai^ 
at the very inftaot, had taken up ^ chamber-pot, andf 
WU: Ji^ediiig on the bed; but at Am afqpcarance, down he 
foolk, £idlyfr$^ed» ov^-iet the eariliem-wave urinal, and 
crqH )mder the bed-cloaths, m a very wet, terrified, and fn- 
iaSvj, 4:Qo d it iq g.--TJip boyp did not n^fid him, but went about 
their work up the chimotty, 

"DoSbOft Sfmt, pTffim^ Oittie up ibits wkt the Captam: 
Thry M beco mmj yetu-a jbtinMs; the Bo&or was a 
malMatai^ift, 9!f^4Sfyr0miiS Khns^ aPhl- 

uAffkm. QtMm, a^lylip^Kn^iiiiilieriDiiicFjrth^ 

G g ' Society.' 



I 



«26 THE POLITE MISCEl-LAl4y» «t«. 

Society. Now, although the Phyfician was a fine Free- 
thinker, becanfirhe ttfas t Scholar ; the Captmii, who was a 
fine gentleman, was no thinker at all, but took his friend's 
opinion, as he did his medicines, up5n traft. 

Space^ walking up the room, widi all miaginable qiiatk 
conieqoence, like an over-fakry'd Player's ftrntting at 
Rehesurial, came to the bedfide ; calkd out^ Captain, Captain 
Mac-Fitz ; the Captain ihoving up the the bead-cloafii^ with 
his bead, difcovered under a dirty nights-cap his lank .cheeks, 
l^gtfaened by the f rigiit, like an optical piAure, and large 
{^cSnles of fweat ftamiing* in the wrinkles of his forehead, 
like, pebbles in a plough furrow, — looking gaflifnlly on his 
phyfical friend,— the DoftcMr fcating himfelf on the bed-fide> 
taking hold of his patient^s hand; the fdlowing Dialogue 
pafled between them. . . 

• Doctor. My dear Captain Fitz, -h^re is a feptki fincB, 
which intrudes itfelf upon my Olfa^orMbs:^ Pray how da 
you do? 

Captaik. Do— do— Why, I am damn*d, that's allj ind 
you are damn 'd, and we are both damn'd, and there arc 
. two littk devils gone up the' diimney, waiting 'tiU the 
wind fifesy to carry away our^buls^ 

Do€T. . Captain, your ideas are coagulated ; your Pia, 
and Dura mater aft inconclufively ; the Senforium of your 
Pineal Gland is obnuUtated ; the Valves of your in^a^a- 
tion being too much relaxed to retain contaft, you have af 
iudd Caput. 

' Caj't. Capot: Yes, yes, it is a Capot, andaRepique 
too; Ludfer wtU Kepiquc us^ and we are damn'd, I tell 
yon; can't ycpa iay one prayer for us both ? doj try; per- 
haps that would drive the devils off for an houi*, or two-—' 
Stay, I can fay ibme of the Belief myfetf --— yfj if ivm' 
in tie kgirmmg, is 72011^-hit 1 camiot go on witji it.---Lofdi- 
Lord, what m Rogor bave Ibeen ! I muft be'a fine gend^^'' 
man, todetd, and est jokes upon Healren, jtA to make tliis" 
ladies bugh; dn4 .pow Belzebt^b will make me h6wl fqf It:' 
— I have eftea j&id xi^i. wottnch have no ftmls-— I wHh !;• 
had no foul — what will l^ome of me ? "/ 

DocT. Captain, I vnU inv^fligate the N:6fl-cnti[ty6f ftdt 
ideas inftantaneoufly,-— idle ibid is noti^ more than ^C 
exhilarated vapoia*, wblcfa arife^from our otgans, bring put 1lf| 
motioo, as you wOl obfalre fmoke iflbt from the a3de-tF»^# 



A GOLJUECTION OF ESSAYS, &(:. 227 

a broad-wheel waggoii.—rAs to uiking of Devils, it's all 
a fable, and you have the whole romance of it in Paradife 
Loft. 

, Capt. Yes, yes ; I have loft Paradife, fure enbugh— -, 
what a miferable Mommcr I am; the Devil fetch me. — - — 
Lord forgive mc, for faying fuch wicked words — - — if I 
could live my time over again^ before Vd be a Buck, or a 
Blood, or a high Fellow, I'd black ftiees. How many fine. 
Women's reputations have I taken away wrongfully ?"t- — - 
I ftiall be tofs'd upon the pomtaof their Pitch-forks, from 
one little Devil to another for that.-^ — -How many people's 
pockets have I picked at Fkquet, and Billiards. — The Imj5$ 

will pick out my eyes for that. Then 1 debauch'd my 

friend's wife, and told of it afterwards.-- They'll pull 

out my tongue, with red hot pincers, for that. 

DocT. Captain, I in treat attention. -»- Corporeal 

Senfibilitics are cxtingui(h*d upoo a diflblution of the ma- 
terial Organs ; therefore Jiiccinftly will I clucklate difcri- 
minately, that fuch Phantoms are Heterogeneous. 

Capt. O Lord! No mpre ef your unintelligibleneft ; 
you ufed to tell me, there was no Hell, and I was fuch a 
fopj as to believe you; for I was too fine a fellow to read 

myfelf* Now what figniiies all your arguments, when 

there's two little Devils come to coafute them ? — -If you 
can difpute with them, do:-- — Yoii ufed to be an Orator, 
audi make Speeches; — do, talk to the brace of diaboK- 
<al An^bafTadors up the Chimney ; if they'll take my Parole, 
for three or four years ; but they won*f, for Bclzebub has 
fent an action. againft bothof us : I wifb fome good Ciyr4ftian 
would give Bail to it. 

Juft at that inftant, the boys had filled their fack, and 

down dropt it. on the hearth : the room was inftamly 

filled with foot-duft. The Doftor wasilruckfpeechlefs; 

and the Captain once more retreated between the bed^Ioaths; 
and creeping out at the feet, bending like a Pofture-mafter, 
gpt that way unijer tlie bed, praymg all the while, as well 
as he could, that they would carry his friend to Hell, with- 
out him. 

The two boys lugg'd the feck along the room, which the 

poQor obforved; and turning down die hhokets, and not 

fiiidtog his friend in bed, firmly believed die Devils were 

dragging him ofF; and fearing that his turn would come 

G g 2 flew^ 



^aS THfe POLITE MISCELLAT^Ti 'on. 

pext, opened 4e &&, crept out i^qpoo th<5 peftthoofe, uni. 
was fliding off into theftreet ; but luckily for htm, a baker's 
boy, with an empty bafket on bis ihoulder, goiog by, received 
him; but the weight brought than*ill ft> ^e ground. — — -•» 
The Doctor crying out, for GOD'S fftlBe, help, help, there 
are tWQ Dbvib in that houfe flyhig avray with my friend. 

Away a croud run up the ibirs, juft as the two hpffi 
bad brought the fack out of |the romi, to thelanding^lace ; 
but hearing people below, run up a pair of fiairs higher, 

and left the lack upright at the door.? The mob feeing 

fomething black ftand upon the ftair-head, halted, and caird 

a council. The Captain, v^ho^ by t^is time, had put hi$ 

head and two hands from undemes^th the bed, and Iook*d like 
half an overgrown turtle ;-• — at the found of die human 
voices got out. His wet fhirt was now dirt-dry'd, covered 
with wck}lly fweepings ; his night-cap off, and isair all friz? 
zlcd, he look'd like a mad Hottentot. In that %ure, bare- 
foot, he padded to the room door,- — the hiob below, fecr 
ing him coming, caU'd out the Devil^ and run down flairs. 
- — He tumbled over the fack, the foot came out after him, 
and all covered with duft, tramped out of doors, and run 
over the way. It happened to be a^ barbef s ihop, who ha4 
juft lathered acuftomcr: Confullon ittimediatcly took pof- 
feifion of the family- -the man In the fuds rup one wa)% 
the barber another, the 'prentice hid himfclf in the neceflary- 
houfe, and the wife crept into the wafhing»tub ; while capt, 
Fitz, availing himfelf of this affilght, un'perccived crept 
up into the firft floor, which was rented by a girl of the 
town, and fhc was dead drunk in bed. — Into the bed, by 
her, in that miferable condition the Captain Qtept; but 
what the girl fjlid when (ht awbke^. nay, the whole dia- 
logue that pafs*d between them, perhaps. Will be pubRfli'd 
in th€J next edition of Jofe Milltf. 



The PICTURE &f a CHOICE SPIRIT, 

HAPPENING to fee out a few evenings ago with fome 
friends, accordmg to the phrafe, we kept it up, 
'till between one and two; I be\ng elevated with fiquof, 
could not pafs by a ni^t-houfe, always? beiftg fond ti feeing 
^, as die term is. I 



A'-COLLBlCTION OF ESSlAYS, Sec. 229 

I took my feat by the fide of a young felbw of very 
iiagular ai^earaoce ; be was tall and meagre, his counte< 
Oance pale, his chin peaked, his noie prominent, his eyes 
red and watry; he feemed very dull and refcrved, leldom 
fpoke, and was/as fcldom regarded when he did. 

Prefently he was called on by one in an adjacent box* 
in this manner, Frank, tip tu a chmmty which he did, and 
was offered a draught of purl by way of payment. I was 
a good deal furprizedj to hear an agreeable voice, fome 
judgment, and tolerable expreffion, with a degree of hu- 
mour. The company feem'd to treat him in a very free 
manner, which favour'd of contempt. 
^ 1 entered into fome dilcourle with him, and found him 
to be ver>' fenfible ; from one thing to another, I alk*d him 
his bufinefs, told him 1 thought it was a pity a man of his 
fenfc ftiould be, as he fecmed, emaciated with filth aiKi 
rags ;. when he began in the following manner : 

Sir, jl don't jvonder at your refleftions on my appearance; 
* I am contemptible in my own eyes. My misfoitunes are 
owing to fome little natural qualities I poflefs, which made 
me what is called an agrceabje companion. My friends were 
trades-people in good circumftances, who gave me an edu- 
cation fuitable to the ftation of life I was intended for. I 
was put apprentice to a watchmaker, where the journey- 
men, liking my voice, took me early into company, to 
divert them and their acquaintance. The praife they be- 
ftpwed, pleafed my vanity fo well, that I took more pains 
to pleafure them, than to learn my bufinefs 5 which being 
{loticed by my mailer, I was reproved fevcrely, which made 
me break my indentures, aud run away. My companions 
applauded my fpirit, and fupported me fome time; in return 
for \^ch I exerted my abilities to entertain them, and 
foon acquired the honourable appellations of a rum Duke, 
a queer Dog, and a choice Spirit. With them I uied tofpend 
my time, and ftiared in all their Debaucheries, to the no 
ftnall prejudice of my health aad morals. Then my friends 
forfook me; others fpringing up, that pleafed my old com- 
panic^s better than myfdf, I was foon difcarded by them 
all. . 

Now it was, I hcgxa to awake out of my former dream, 
and found myfelf furroanded with wretchednefs, and not 
•able (from what caufc is too plain) to fupport myfelf by my 

trade. 



230 THE PCrLlTE MISCELLANY: or, 

trade, and having gained the charafter of a dirty, lazy fel- 
low, were I qualified, none would have employed me. I 
am now reduced to a fervile depcndance on any company 
I can get into, which is generally that of the lowed; my 
own refleftions are fevere, but alas ! too late. 

I have heard feveral women aflert, that there is more of 
them ruined by their own Tex than by the men; and I verily 
believe, there is more yoimg fellows brought to want and 
mil'eiy, or even the gallows, by fuch company, than by 
that of women's. 



What conjlitutcs a TRUE CHRISTIAN. 

IT is not the Ceremony ufed at Baptifm, the fprinkling 
of Water, nor the Promifes of our Sponfors in the Pre- 
fence of God, which conftitute the Chrijitan: no, *tis 
an aftual Conformity to the Precepts of our Blessed 
Lord, and, a fmcere Obedience to the Tenets which are 
laid dow^ in theHiftory of his Life and Miracles.- — Nothing 
can be more abfurd, nor in Reality more criminal, than 
for a Man to afpire at the glorious Title of a Ci^ristian, 
who is regardlcl's of the Duties which that Appellation ren- 
ders indiipenfably neceffary, or attends not to the Obliga- 
tions which are particularly enjoined by the Name. 

With what Propriety, I beg Leave to afk. Can the 

' various Sf(!ts oi" Keliglon In this Kingdom call themfclves 
Christians, when, in the unremitting Hatred which 
they coiuVaiuly entertain towards one another, they utterly 
deftrby that univerlal Principle of Charity which ought to 
be the Foundation, cay the very Eflence, of their Belief ?--- 
With what Propriety can he, who is bleft with unbounded 
Affluence, iliic hhnlelf a Christian, if His Ear is turned 
away from the figh of afflidlion, or his Heart unafFefted 

with the Tear of Difirefs? Christianity obliges him 

to a confiant Relief of the Wretched; and without a Beha- 
viour entirely conibnant K) the Duties of this Belief, what 
pofnble Pretcnfion- can he have to a Name that exalts him 
to "■ a Fellowfhip \vith Angels, and lifts him above the 
Staa s ?-— Will- a conftant Attendance on the public Place 

, of his Worfhip, exculpate the Oppreflbr of the Widow, "\, 
and the Fatherlefs, or intitle to the Christian Name . 

, ■ ■ the / 



A COLLECl-ION'OF EliiAYS,*c. ' 731 

the Villain who infamoufly lifts a Da^er to the Broaft of 
his Beiiefaftor, or bafely ftrives to murder the Reputation 
of his jFriend ? — CaQ the Betrayer of tinfufpefting Inno- 
cence think on the Pangs of fome violated Virgin, left 
without affiftance, without Comfort, without Bread, ex- 
poled to ^1 the Upbraidings of a relentlefs World, to ^gra- 
vate the Severity of her own ReflefticMis^ and poifibly 
plunged in the additional Mifery of having a helplefs, little 
Innocent, and an unalterable Affeftion for the Monfler by 
whom (he is fo cruelly undone ? I fay, can the Perpetrator 
of an^ Aft like this, fit down calmly, l^tisfied with the 
Reftitude of his Behaviour, and think himjfelf as a Chris- 
tian fmcerely acquitted to his Go 0? Alas! if any -Man 
thus culpable can be fo prcfumptuoufly daring as to think 
himfelf a Christian, 'tis doubtful whether he is moft 
a Reprobate or an Idiot/ 

In every Profeffion of the Chriftian Faith there is ^ Num- 
ber of good-natured People, who are always uneafy Aout 
the Fate of the Mdhometans, and terribly ^Hiftcd left the 
ignorant Savages of America (hould not, at the laft Day, 
be received into the Favour of the Supreme Being,- — Thefe 
People entertain ftrange Notions of the Deity, if they can 
fuppofc that Power alhwi/e, all-fnerci/uif BSid all-jt{fi, v/Ui 
require, at the Hands of fuch ignorant Nations, a Know- 
ledge which he has not thought proper to beftow : A Sup- 
pofition of fuch a Nature is highly derogatory to thi Di- 
vine Effence; 'tis a tacit Im,plication that the great Father 
of the Univerfe exercifes a Severity, which would be cruel 
in his Creatures but to think of.-— No, from fuch only, 
as have received much, much is expefted ; and perhaps 
at the laft Dayj Myriads of our nominal Christians, 
who look upon the American Savages with Pity or Contempt, 
would give a Hecatomb of Worlds, had they Power to change 
Situations, and fee fo little to anfwer for as them. 



The FALL of the LEAK ^ 

SEE the leaves around us falling, 
Dry and withcr'd to the ground. 
Thus to thoughtlefs mortals calling 
In a fad and folemn found. 

Sgns 



i 



Z^2 THE POLITE M1$C£1.I.ANY$ otg 

Sons of JJtm (»ce io E<khp 

When likt us b^ bUgtbed fcU> 
Hear the le^re we are reiuling. 

Tit, ala$ ! Ae truth ve tell. 

Virgins much, top much prefuming, 

Qd your boftAed white and r^. 
View us, late in beauty blooming, 

Numbcr'd now among the dead. 

Griping mHers nigh% waking, 

See the end of all your care, 
Fled Gfk wings of our own milking, 
^ We have left our owners bare- 
Sons of honour, fed on praifes, 

FJtiit'ring li^ in fmcy'd worth, 
Lo ! die fickle air that raifes 
' Brings us down to parent earth. 

I^camed Sophs, in fyftems jaded. 

Who for new ones daily call ; 
Ceafb at length, by us pcrfuaded, 

Every leaf mnft have 9 fall. 

Tooths, tho' yet no lofles grieve you^ 
Gay in hedth, and mEanly grace, 

Let not ebudlefs ikiet deceive vou, 
Sunsmer gives to autuom place. 

Voierable fires growu hoary. 

Hither turn th' uawiUing eye. 
Think amidft vour falling gkxy 

Autumn telb a winter n^h. 

•■» 

Yearly in our courfe returning 

MdflTengcrs of (horteft ftay. 
Thus we preach Ae truth ccMlccrnii^, 
Heaven and earth "v^ pa& away. 

On the tree of lilc etemil, 

Man, let all thy hopes be ftay'd. 
Which alone, for ever vernal, 

Bears thofe leaves that never fade. 



I 



A COLLEdtlOJl OF ESSAVS, &c. ij^ 

Is Confoquema of eating Bread made (f damaged Corn, and 
of vjhat may he Jubjiituied m the Place (f Corn^Br^ad^ 

IT appears by a Paper ktely publiilicd ia the Philofophic^al 
Tranfadtions, , that after a very ftrift enquiry into what 
might be the caui'e of the diiorder ia the family at W^ttilhdm 
in SuiFolk, whde limbs rqtted off, the moft probable caufe 
that Qan be afligoed is, their having eaten for lbn>e tinie of 
what is there called Clog Wheat Rivets, or Bearded Wheat, 
that had been damaged ^ It had been laid and gathered, and 
threflied feparately ; it was not mildewed or grown, but dif- 
«;oloured, and finaller than the reft. There is the greater 
reaiba to fuppofe that the dreadful calamity of this family 
was owing to eating Bread made of damaged. Corn ; becaufe, 
accordtog to a Paper lately publifhed by the Royal Academy 
of Sciences at Paris, in one year no lefs than fifty patients 
were recdvcd into one hojpital at Orleans, afFcfted with ^ 
dry livid gangienej which begun at the toes, as this m the 
{mviy at Wattiiham did, and advanced more or leis^ iome* 
times reaching to the thigh. Mr. Noel, the furgeon of die 
^fpital, and all the Gentlemen of the Academy, were of 
opinion that the gangrene in thefc patients was occafioned by 
eating Bread made c* damaged Cora. 

Thefe Inftances are fufficient to &eW how much th^ Poor 
may fuffer by buying damaged Corn ; for though it may not 
always fliew itlelf in fueh terrible eiFefts, yet it may vf^lj 
be feared diat what conrupts the blood, ia io great a 
de^^e^ briogBoA various and fatsd dlibrdersy thou^ in but 
mUw it comes to fuch a height a$ to pioduce gaiigreces. Ix , 
U then to be ^¥iihed, that the Poor, for the fake of that 
which is the moft precious of all wofldJy bleffmgr, HeajutHj 
would take care how they purchafe aay4amagfd Corav f ut 
they may reply, that in thofe feafons when die Coral^<la« 
maoed, the good bears fuch a price they ca&'t a&rd to p«hri. 
cb^Sb ft : Troej. bpt if thry are witb, they will oiAiie^^fl 
otber.Jpad of brf^, whichaCter alltde^^ thef w^i i^A^m 
palatably, ^d^^laidi'vnSil^hSiiii^^j 

A Gfoiksmkh t IfafefL wb^ipk jQois^w^ had a 

qwtttity cf Turflifv |^#||4 M)^ 4^^ Sm<^ .f^ >o»l^ 
cd: When tbey weie becontiffeji^^ i|i|il^>$M 
the greateft part rf the Water preiied om of them, and af- 

H h terwards^ 



i 



234 -THE POtlTE MlSCELLANYt ^r, 

terwards had them mixed with an equal quantity, in wdgjity 
<)f Goarie wheat-meal: The dough was then made in^the vSvUi 
manner, with y«afl or barm, felt, water, &c. it rofe very 
well in the trough, and after being well kneaded, was formed 
into loaves, and put into the oven to be baked. 

He had, at the fame dme, fome other bread made wiA 
common Ineal in the ordinary way. He baked his Turnip- 
Bread rather bnger than the other. 

When they were drawn from the oven, he canfed a bof 
of each ibrt to be cut, and fotmd, on examination, the Tur- 
nip-Bread was fweeter than the other, to be filll as light, and 
as white, but had a little tafte, though no waya 6a&ffeeMe, 
of the turnip. Twelve hours after it had been drawn from 
the oven, he tailed the Turnip-Bread again, when he found 
the tafte of the turnip in it Icarcely perceivaUe, and the fmell 
quite gone off. ' On exammiftg it twenty-four honrs after it 
came out of the oven, had he ndt known there were turnips 
in its compofition, he would not have imagined it: Ithad^ 
k id true, a peculiar fweetifh tafte, but by no mean3 difa- 
greeable; on the contrary, he rather preferred it to the 
bread made of wheat«meal alone. 

After 48 hours it underwent another examination, when 
it appeared to him to be rather fuperior to the other ; it eat 
freiher and moifter, and had not at all abated in its good 
qualities : To be fhort, it was ffiU very good for a week, and, 
as far as he could fee, kept as well as the bread made of com-" 
mon whcat-maJ. 

In his trials of this bread by the tafte, he was nbt^tisfied 
with eating itby itfetf ; he had feme of it fpread with butter ; 
he taflsd it with cheisle; he eat of it toafted and buttered ; 
and finally in belled nuk, and in £>up: In all thde forms 
it was very palatsMe and good. 

Befides turnips, potatoes will make a good bread; parihips, 
carrots, and Jertksdem-artichokes, it is probable w31 do die 
£ime. Carrot and potatoe puddings are both frequently feeii 
•t ih€ taUes of the great, and are much admired; they re- 
trfriing no particular tafte of the refpediive roots they ai^ 
made of, and diis would in ad prohd>SSty be ilie cafe, if 
they arc made imo breid.--«-^In feft, potatoes have been 
made into breid tflor d^eliBftririilg ilianner,^ diffe- 

rence fomd in the taAilrote that made all of flour : 

After 



AXOtLECTlOW OF ESSAYS, «tc. 235 

After waftiing and fcraping the potatoes, they are boUed, 
for a quarter of an hour,^ki' water, and are ^em ttdntfyi, 
by pounding them, into a kkid of palle diluted in a great deal 
o£ w^ier, in. order to i)e ilrained through a fearce, ferftpa-* 
rating the grofs parts, the fkins, &c. which i-emain in the 
fcarce. The liqour having fettled, die fariaaceous part of 
the potatoe remains at the bottom, and the water fe decanted 
off; then the fort of paftc that remains, being put into a 
coarfe doth, is kid under a prefs, or a large ftone, forlqueez- 
ing out all the water it contains. It is thus made dry and 
friable, and one third of it mixed with rye or barley meal, 
and the whde prepared as ufual. Barky and rye bread re- 
ceive but litde alteration from it. A third of this meal, 
mixed ^^th a third of wheat, and a third of rye, haS yielded 
bread litde different, in the tafte, from that of mafling corn. 

Be pcrfuadedy my Countrymen of thfc poorer fort, in cafe 
com flaould be dear this winter, as from the wet harveft and 
the damaged Corn it is likely, to be, to trj' toiiibftitut^ fome 
of thefe things in the room of bread, rather than pine with 
hunger; or, what is ftill worfe, yourfclves and children 
fufler the ujoft. grievous mifery of difcafes from eating br«ui 
made of damaged Corn. Think not that bread made of com 
is the only ftaff of life. No further than Irdaod, the far 
greateft part of the people live, and are very hale and hearty, 
by eating potatoes infkad of bread: And near thiHse parts 

out of four of the world eat rice inflead of it. Say not, 

Our forefadier» eat ccH-n-lMread, and we will do the fame; 
for every age ought to grow more experienced, and improve . 
upon what has gone befbre. The better fort of people in 
this age have been wife enough to improve upon the cufloms 
of their forefathers, and have found great advaiuag^ in it : 
Why fhouM not you do the fame? At Icaft, in caSe corn 
ihotdd be dear, make the tryal of fubftituting fomcthing 
in. the place of corn-bread, or at Icaft of mixing turnips, 
or the like, with your flour, to make it go the further. 
A trial cannot hurt you, tnd it may prove a great adv^n^ 
tage to you.-- — This, however, is publifhed for your be- 
nefit, whether you will ufc it or not. 



H h 2 Jn 



% 



JI34 THE POLITE MIBCELLAnY: or. 



An ANECDOTE relative fo Marjbal BROGLIO. 

WHEN marftial Broglio wa^ in England, In the begin- 
ning of King George the firft's reign, a debate an>f'e 
in converfation between his Majefty and him, concerning 
the difpofition of the troops at tli famous battle of Ra- 
meHes, and Bkewife concerning the behavionr of the French 
houfhdd troops in diat engagement, who, his Majefty infiftcd, 
were tbtally routed and put to ffight. The Marfhal took 
the liberty to difftr from Ae King, by faying, They behaved 
with tf^ir ujmi bravery ^ and ivere of infinite fervice in co- 
vering the retreat of the army, when the French gave ivay^ 
The King appealed to general Cadogan, who happened to 
be prefent, and he gave his fentiments in favour of his Ma- 
jefty. But the Marfhal faid, / mtffl really beg leave to differ 
from your Lordfbipy becaufe I was upon the field during the 
whole a6Kon, and I never faw trsops behave with grmter ift- 
trepidity in my life. The General replied plcafantly, / 
grant what your Excellency fays to be true ; but I was npon 
the field after the a^ion, and l never faw troops in a grcattr 
panic fince I knerv what it was to purfue an enemy. The 
Marfha! was fenfiMy mortifV^d, and his Majefty perceiving 
him to look grave, took occalion, upon the approach of fome 
Udie^, to turn the difcourfe into gallantry. 



An original LETTER frm a ^V A K E K to 
& WATCH-MAKE R. 

FnifeND John, 

I Have once more fent my erroneous Witch, which wants 
thy friendly care and correftion ; the laft timeitw^sat 
thy School, he was no ways beflcfitfed by thy inftrudion. 
I find by the index of his tongne he is a liar, and that his 
motions are wavering and unfcttled; which makes me be-* 
lieve he i.s not right in the ^nward man, 1 mean the m^ft 
fpring I would have thee prove and try him with thy 
adjufting tool of truth, that if poffible thou mayeft drive 
him from the error of his ways, imagining his body to be 
foul, and the whole mafs corrupted ; purge him with thy 
cleanfing ftick from all pollution, fo that he may vibrate 

and 



A?" COLLECTION OF* tiS«KYiB,*c» • 237 

and circulate according to truth: T will board him with 
the6 a few ^ays, Hhd pay thee for hi^ board ^yhen thou 
rcquireft it: In^thy late bill thou chargeft me with the one 
eighth (rfa pound fterling, which I will affuredly pay thee- 
when thy work deferveth it. Friend, when thou corre<Sleft 
him, do it without paffion, left by feverity thou drivcft 
him to deftruftion. — rl would have thee let him vifit the 
Sua's motion, and learn him hi^ true calculation table, jmd 
equation; and when thou findeft him conformable to that, 
fend him home with a }uft bill of moderation, and it fhall 
be faithfully remitted to thee by thy true friend, 

Obadiah Prim. 



PRECAUTIONS ?«? preserve Sight; and a REMEDY 
for Weakness in the Sight. 

FIRST, never fit in abfclute gloom, or in a blaze of light, 
much lefs go fuddenly, from one into the other. A 
houfc fitoatcd Noith and South, i» therefore wrong fot» 
any who are tender in their fight. Secondly, To avoid 
fmall print in reading, and all attention to minute obje<*>s. 
It is in vain to think of affifting the fight with glafies ; they" 
reprefent the objefts plainer, but they commit a kind of 
violence upon the eye, and alwajrs hurt weak ones. Thirdly, 
"Nevei: read in the duft } and when the eyes are at all difor- 
dered, nor by candle light. FourAiy, Never look into 
a bright fire. Fifthly, Avoid all glaring objefls, efpecialiy 
in a morning at firft waking: Therefore a bed-chamber 
ftiould never be fo fituated, as for the fun to (hme into it at 
that time; and there ftiould be no red, nor too much white 
in it ; and the degree of light flionld be moderate.— -Thole 
\riio have weak eyes, will find great advantage in green 
furniture in their room, and in admitting the light gradually 
to their eyes at the tune of waking : And it is thus nature 
provides for all her creatures ; the day-light comes by very 
flow degrees, and the firft objeft is univerfal green. 

For a weaknefs in the fight, take 2 ounces of leaves of 
rofcmary, put them to a pint of brandy; let it ftand tiirec 
days, then ftrain and filter it through paper; mix a tea 
fpoonful with four of plantain water ; make it warm, and 
w^ the infide of the eye every night going to bed, mov- 
ing 



238 THE POLITE MISCEU-ANY: or, 

ing your eye till fom« get between the eye and the lid. 
By degrees, put lefs and lefs water, 'till at length a tta 
fpoonftil of each be mixed for ufe. 



^n ANECDOrE relative to PETER IV4LTERS. 

PETER WALTERS was one of thofe men who from a 
low beginning acquired an immenfc eftate (chiefly) by 
attending to the follies and extravagancies of young noble- 
men and gentlemen of fortune, and taking the aovantage 
of their neceffities. He was firft an under-fteward to the 
late great earl of Uxbridge, whom he had the addrefi to 
manage with fuch dexterity, that till his dying hour no 

. man flood fo well with that noblenun as Peter Walters. 
The earl himfelf was a great ufurer, and Peter was privy to 
all his bargains. When they were alone and diiengaged, 
their cuftom was to confer notes, and then a queiHcm arofey 
which of them had pocketed the moft peers? Pope cail$ 
Walters, J per/on eminent in tie wi/dom cf l^is prcfej/ion as 
a dexterous attorney, and a good, if not afafe conveyancer. 
It happened then one night, that Anthony Henley, who was 
a man remarkable for wit, and this Peter Walters, who 
was as remarkable for money, met at an inn upon the road, 
and joined company. In the courfc of. an evening's con- 
verfation Henley rallied his new cooxpanion fufficiently on his 
immoderate love of money, and his means of getting if; 
and Peter was no lefs fevere upon Henley for his fovereign 
contempt of that precious metal, and hi? ways of Iquan- 
dering it. At lad, laid Henley, Every body kncnvs, fVa/ters, 
hew you got your money, but I want to know how you got 

your w'ltf' — Why, faid Peter, I .thank, my fiars, Vm not 
indebted to nature for a grain of it; but you muft know, I 
have lately bought a good, many eft ate s of men of vA\,, and 
ihey gave me their wit itito the bargain. 



E N Q^U I RY AFTER H A P P IN ESS. 

THE midnight moon ierenelyfiniles 
O'er nature's foft repofe ; . 
No lowering cloud obfcures the fky, 
Nor ruffling tempeft blows. - No^vv 



I 



A COLLEGtION Of ESSAYS^ ice. t|9; 

Now evVy paffion fmks to reft, 

The thrdbbing heart lies ftill : 
And varying fchemes of life no more 

Diftraft the lab*rii^ \rilL 

In fifcnce hufti'd, to reafon's voice, 

Attends each mental powV: 
Come dear Emelia, and enj6y 

ReflefticMi's favYite hour. 

Come: While the peaceful fcene invites, , 

Let's fcarch this ample rotind. 
Where (hall the lovely fleeting form 

Ctf Happinefs be found ? 

Does it amidft the frolic mirth 

Of gay aflemUie&dweB? 
Or Mde beneath the iblemn gloomy 

That fliades the hermit's cell? 

How oft the lau^iing brow rf joy 

A iick'ning heart cbnceals ! 
And thro' the cloifter's deep rccefe, 

Invading ibrrow fteals. 

In vaip thro' beauty, fortune, wltj 

The fu^dve we trace : 
It dwells not in the faitfilefe fmifc, 

That brightens Clodio's face. 

Perhaps the joy to thefe defty'd. 

The heart in friendfliip finds : 
Ah ! dear delufion V gay conceit , 

Of vifionary minds ! 

Howe'er our varying notions rove, 

Yet ail agree in ode, 
To place its Bdng in feme ftate, / 

At diftmice from our own. 



O blind to each indulgent aim, 
Of pow'r fujpremety wife, 



Wh« 



% 



itjfi tHt POLITS MISCELLANY: Oft, 

Who fancy Happmefs b ovg^it 
The hand dt heav'ix deoies ! 

Vain is alike the joy we feck. 

And vain what we poflefe, 
Unlefs hamioQiofUf reaibn tuu^ 

The paffions into peace* 

To temper'd wifii«, juft defires 

Is happinefs confin'd, 
And deaf to fdly's call, atttflds 

The mufic of the mind. " 



To m/s *♦** 

On a WATCH. 

WHile this g^y (py attrafH thy i^hti 
> Thy realbn let it warn ; 
And feize, my dear* tbftt nqrid time 

That never muft rctum. 
If idly loft, oo ^*or care 

The bleffing can reftore : 
And heav'n exafts a ftriA accotint 

For ev*ry mtf-fptot hour. 
Short is our longeft day of life, 

And ibon its prc^peds end: 
Yet on that day's uncertain date 

Eternal years depend. 
Tet equal to oar b^s^i Kim 

Tli fpace to vktue ^v'ns 
And ev'iy minute well improved 

Secures an age in heav'n- 

REIGNIER's EPITAPH, madebyhimfdt 

GAILY I liv'd, ^ eaie and namie Wi^ 
And fpent my little life without a thought. 
And am amaz'd, that death, that tyrant griflK, 
Should tliink of me, who never thought of lum. 



v 



A COtLECflON OF ESSAYS, &c. iA 



Of ceremony and COMPLAISANCE. 

CEremony i^ nothing more than the art of concealing 
our own faults in compliment to thofe of others, and 
the very ufe of it infinuates, that, without it, our cor^* 
pany could feldorh be tbletated, and never efteemed as our 
Qwn pride defires it fhould. Hence it is grown into a fci- 
ence, and we make it firft the ftiidy, and then the praiflice 
of our lives ; and both gentlemen arid ladies are often va- 
lued in proportion to this kind of good hrjeeding, even 
more than for^acquifitions of far greater moment. Indeed 
it is at leaft a necef&ry evil, and fhould be mingled with our 
correfpondences as the fweetner of life. Among flrangers 
it is die firft ftep to reconamend us to their favour, and 
make us pleafed with their acquaintance; and even where 
there is the ftridleft friendfhip, it is not to be entirely laid 
afide : Negledls in this point, are apt to introduce fuch free- 
dom unawares, as are neither forgiven or forgot. 
' Ceremony alfo ferves to mark out the bounds of high 
and low life, and diftinguifh all the interm;ediate fpaces. If 
place and power, birth and figure, were not to be adorned 
with ceremony and pomp, it is probable the vulgar would 
lofe their diftance, and by looking boldly into the merits of 
their fuperiors, break down the farrier at once, and fet the 
world on a level. 

But after all. Ceremony muft be confidered only as the 
decoration, and not the bufinefs of life'; it is as poflible to 
be too much in love with it, as too little ; and thofe who 
devote themfelves entirely to it, arc fcldom fit for any more 
than the honours of a ball, or a place at a kdy's viliting 
day. 

If Ceremony in the wifeft and beft of us ferves only to 
fet a glofs on our condudl, what muft we efteem the over- 
flow of it in thofe who cannot be ranged with either? 
Surely if can be thought no other than a fort of courtly hy- 
•p6crify, an alFeftation of humanity, that is foreign to the 
nature of him who wears it, and of <:ourfe, a fhare to de- 
lude the unwary. 

There is likewife a falfe Complaifailce, ^vhich men of 
fenfe and modefly are fbmetimes liable to, viz. agreeing to a 
i^rong fentiment, rather than take the freedom tocontradift 

I i it. 



242 THE POLITE MISCELLANY: or, 

it, and indolging the fdily at their ovm expence, which they 
might as cafdy cure. 

Good Maimers are founded oa.this fingle rale; 

To bear vjith the frailties cf others, and take care that 
our own Jball not offend : 

If we Ihould add a grace In doing trifles, and eafe in afEurs: 
of moment, we finLSi the gentleman or lady at once> and 
ceremony can add no more. 



USEF'UL RECEIPTS. 

I. To make Knuckle Broth ; a mojl admrable Refiora- 
* tive for weak or decayed Conftitutions^ which, by long Ex- 

perience in private Pra6}ice, has recovered Numbers when 

reduced, to the loweft Degree, 

TAKE ten or twelve knuckles, fuch as arc cut out of 
legs and fhoulders of mutton, when the butchers fell 
them ; put them into a pan of water for two or three hourSy 
and rub them with a little ialt, and wafh them very dean; 
then boil them in a gallon of fpring water fcnr an hour, and 
icum it very clean; then put in two ounces of hardhom 
(havings, and the bottom cruft of a penny loaf; let it bdil 
till it comes to about three pints, then drain it, and when it 
fe cold take off the fat. An hour before you rife, take half 
a pint of it as warm as you can drink h, abd die (a^nt at 
night when you are in bed. Yon muft make it freOi thrte 
times a week in fummer, and twee in winter. 

N. B. Na medicines to be ufed. No lambs txxies are to 
be ufed, becaufe they briiig on a purging. 

n. Dr. BARRY'S Receipt for making the BE EF- TEA ,- 
an admirable ftrengthenihg Drihkfor all weak Conftitutions, 
andheEHc Dijorders. 

CUT a pound of the lean part of the buttock of beef 
into very thin flices, and put it over a quick fire with 
two quarts of water; as it grows hot take off the rifinj 
fcum, and do the fame whilft it is boiling, which is to be 

coatsiueJ 



A COLLECTION OF ESSAYS, &c. 243 

continued twenty minutes ; when cold decant a pint, which 
will lode like the infufion o( green tea. Drink a quarter of 
a pint, two or three times a (day, elpecially morning and 
evening. If in msJdng it be tqoflrongfor the patient, let it 
be lowered with more water, to fuch a degree as the ilo- 
mach will take. 



m. Of PEPPER-MINT water: 



PEPPER-MINT is a very celebrated ftomacbic, and on 
that account gr^ady ufed at prefent, and it's fimple 



ion 
M 
water often called for. 



Receipt for a Gallcn ^Pepper-Mint Water. 

Take of the leaves of dried Pepper-Mint, one pound and 
an half; water, two' gallons and an half; put all into an 
alembic, and draw off one gallon, with a gentle fire. 

The water obtained from Pepper-Mint, by a diftillation 
in Balneum Mariae, is more fragrant and more fully impreg- 
nated with the idrtues of the plant than that drawn by the 
alembic. The fame may be (aid with regard to that extrafted 
by the cold (till ; when the cold ftill is ufed the plant muft 
be green, and if poffible committed to the flail witii morning 
dew upon it. 



IV. To join CH IN J. 

TAKE oyftcr-ftiell powder and die ^ite of zn egg, 
beat it as fine as poffible ; then mbc the powder and 
the white of an egg, as thick as white paint; then take 
your china, and lay it on pretty thick; and then hold it 
dofe with your hands, before a good fire, till the china is 
hot, and it will be fattened in two minutes ; then pour boil- 
ing water into it direftly ; then wipe it dry, and 'wdth a pen- 
knife fcrape it clean on botii fides, and it will appear only as 
a crack ; you muft be very quick in doii^ it, pthe^wifc the 
remainder that is left to join the reft of the china will grow 
hard and be of no ufe, if dther the heat of the fire or 
wind comes near it. ' 

112 How 



% 



144 THE POLITE MISCELLANY: QK, 

Ho*u) to make the Oyfterjhell Ponder, 

Take a large deep (hell; put it in the middle of a very 
good clear fire, and burn it till it is red hot ; then carefully 
take it out with a pair of tongs ; fcrape all the black away, 
and then pound it in a mprtar till It is as fine as a powder ; 
then fift it through a fine linen rag till you have made It as 
fine as poifibly. you can. 



RULES and REFLECTIONS for the Conduct ef L^f^. 

PLATO often inculcates this great precept. Do f him 
own ivorky and know thyfelf. 

If you will be happy, correft your imagination by rea- 
fon; rejcft opinion and live according to nature. 

Let reafon go before every enterprize, and counfel before 
every aftion. 

. Be not diverted from your duty by any idle refleftion the 
filly world may make upon you ; for their cenfures are nojt 
in your power, and confequently fhould not be any part of 
your concern. 

Rcfl fatlsficd with doing well, and leavf others to talk of 
you what they pleafc. 

Pitch upon that courfe of life which is the mpft excellent ; 
and cuflom will render it the moft delightful. 

Rather avoid thofe vices you are naturally inclined to, 
than aim ^ thole excellencies and perfeftio^is which you were 
never made for. 

Live in peace with all men; neverthelefs have but43oe 
counfellor of a thoufand. . 1 

Never defer that till to^norrow which you can do to-day : 
Never do that by proxy which you can do yourfelf. 

Deliberate long of what thou canft do but once. 

When the Idea of any pleafure ftrlkes your imagination, 
make ajuft computation between the duration of the pleafure, 
and that of the repentance fure to follow it. 

Be always at leifure to do good ; never make byfinefs an 
cxcufe to decline the OjSices of humanity. 

Do good with what thou haft, or it will do thee no good. 

Avoid all fournefs and auflerity of .manners: Virtue is a 
pleafant and agreeable quality; and gay and dvil wifdom is 
always engaging. 

Forget 



I 



A COLLECTION OF ESfSAVs, fice. ' 2^i 

Forget others faults, and remember thine own. • 

Whatever you difflke in another peribn, take care tocor- 
reft in yourfelf, by the gentle reproof- of a better Pra6Vice. ' 

Hear not ill of a friend, nor fpeak any of an enemy : Be- 
lieve not all you hear, nor report all you believe. 

Approve yourfelf to wife men by your virtue, and take all 
the reft by your civilities. 

Avoid popularity; it has many fnares and no real benefit. 

Imprint this maxim deeply in your naind, That there is 
nothing certain in this human and mortal ftate; by which 
means you will avoid being tranfported witli profperity, and 
being dejefted in adverfity. 

Do nothing to-day that thou wilt repent of tq-morrow. 

Sell not virtue to purchafe wealth. 

If your m(2ans fuit not with your ends/ purfue thofe ends 
which fuit with your means. .. . ' 

Be rather bountiful, than expenfive: Neither make nor 
go to feafts. 

Rife from table with an appetite, and you will never fit 
down without one. 

Make yourfelf agreeable, as much as poflible, to all; for 
there is no perfon fo contemptible, but that it may be in his 
power to be your beft friend or worft enemy. 

Defer not charities till death; he that doth fo, is rather 
liberal of anodier man's, than of hisofwn, r /* 

In the morning, think what thou haft to do; a|id at night 
alk thyfelf what thou haft done. ' : 

Learn the art 0f entertaining thyfeff alone, without being 
weary or melancholy; and then thou wilt not be much put 
to it for want of recreation and company. 

Ufe temporal things; but defire etemall 

Account it no difgrace to be cenfiircd of thofe men, 
whofe favours would be no credit to thee: Thou thyfelf only 
bioweft v/hat thou art; others only guefs. at thee: Rely not 
therefore pn their opinions, but ftick to thine own con- 
fcience. 

In all the affairs of human life, let it' be your care, not 
\o hurt your mind, nor offend your judgment. 

Do no fecret thing before a ftrangcr; fot thou knoweft 
not what he will bring forth. 

Set bounds to your zeal by difcretion, to error by truth, 
to paffion by rcafon, to divifions by charily. 

Think 



i 



346 THE POLITE MISCELLANY: o«. 

Think before you fpeak, and confider before you promife. 
Take time to deliberate and adviie; but lofe no time in exe- 
catingyour reiblutioos. 



To Mr. WHITWORTH. 

•% 

WiGAN, Feb. 14, 14^64. 

Several of ypur Readers would be much plcafed if you woulcf 
infert in your Magazine the Character of the LAW- 
YER in CHURCHILLU DUELLIST. Some are ^ 
f leafed to fay it is intended for a certain dignified Gentleman 
and Member for a neighbouringTown^ noted for an Article y 
by which one ef this Lawyer'* s Peculiarities is often cha- 
ra8erifed. But I hope it is in feme RefpeEts too bad for 
any of the Prffejion. However it may ferve to hint what 
is pra5lifed by feme or other of the Tribe ^ and the Hazards 
^thofe who are fo unhappy as to have any Dealings with 
them are liable to. 

I am yours, ire. 

A LjOtvEB <^! Peace. 



NEXT fat a Lawyer, often taried 
In pecflons extremes ; /when . pnde 
And pow'r, all M^ild and trembling, Aqod, 
Nor dar'd to tempt the raguig flood ; 
TMs bold,: Ud man,, arofe to view. 
And- gave his. hand to help them through^ 
Sted'd againft compaffimi, as« they paft, 
He fiiw poor Freedom breathe her laA, 
He {kw her ffamggk, heard her groan^ 
He faw her, hdplefs and alope, 
Wheha*d in that fbrm, which, fear'd and prais'd 
By flaves lefs bold, himfelf had rais'd. 

Bred to the law^ he from die firft 
Of all bad Lawyers was the worft. 
PerfeAion (foe bad. men msdmain 
In ill we may perfeAion. gEun) 
Inothei^ is a work of time» 
And they creeaon feom cdaie io crime^: 

He, 



A COLLECTION OP ESSAYS, Ice. s^ifjf 

He, for a prodigy dcfigQ'd 
To Qjread amazement o'er mankind. 
Started, ftdl-ripefi'd, all at once 
A peifeA knave, and perfeA dunce. 

Who \rill for him may boaft of fenfe, 
His better guard is impudence. 
His front, with ten-fold plates of brafi 
Seeur'd, Shame never yet could paft. 
Nor od the furface of his jfkin, 
Blufli for that guilt which dwelt vdthin. 
How often, in contemj>t of laws. 
To found die bottom of a caule. 
To fearch out cv'ry rotten part. 
And worm into its very heart. 
Hath he ta'en briefs on falfe pretence. 
And undertaken the defence 
Of trufting fools, whom in the end 
He meant to ruin, not defend? 
How (^ten, e'en in open court, 
Hath the wretch made his flume his Ijport, 
And laugh'd off, with a villain's eafc. 
Throwing up briefs, and keeping fees. 
Such things, as, tho' to roguery bred. 
Had Aruck a litde villain dead ? 

Caufes, whatever their import. 
He undertakes to ferve a court; 
For he by heart this rule has got, 
Pow'r can effeft, what law canHot. 

Bid all that nature, da a plan 
Moft indmate, makes near to man. 
All that vnth grand and gen'ral ties 
Binds good and bad, the fool and wife, 
Knock at his heart; xhey knock in vain, 
Nq entrance there fuch fuitors gain. 
Bid kneeling Kings forfake the throne; 
Bid at his Teet his country groan; 
Bid Liberty ftretch out her hands^ ,. 
Religion plead her ftrcnger bands ; 
iBid parents, children, we, and friends; 
If they ccMue thwart his private ends, 
Unmov'd he' hears the gen'ral call. 
And bravely tramples on them aU. 



1 



ta^i THE POLITE MISCELLANY: d ii 



Jn y^ NEC DOTE relative to HUMPHRY, Duke if 
Gloucester. 

WHEN Humphry, diike of Glouccfter, was i-cgent of 
the kingdom, in the minority of Henry VL dlere came 
to St. Alban's, (then the refidence of the court) a pobr, blind 
beggar and Ivs ^^tfe y who for five or fix days walked about 
the town, afldng ahns, and telling a plaufible tale of his bdng 
\varned in a dream to leave the town of Berwick, the place 
of his nativity, and Jeek St.x^ban. This had a wonderful 
cfFeft upon the minds of the people, and gave the priefts of 
that time a fit opportunity to work upon their credulity^ 
Great folemnity was. ufed in prefenting the man before the 
flirine of the Saint, land great multitudes were aflembled to 
be witnefles of the iJfRie: when inftantly he received his 
fight, to the aftonifiiment of all beholders. This miracle be- 
ing noifed abroad, people far and ne^ came flocking to town^ 
and happy was he who could gain admittance to the perfba 
who had been bleft with fo fignal a mark of the divine fa- 
vour. In fhort, every body fpoke of this miracle with fuch 
an air of confidence, that the King defired the poor man to 
be brought before him, and the Duke took upon him to exa- 
mine into the inatter for his Majefty's fatisfaftion. In order 
to this, he looked upon the man's eyes, and aflied him whe- 
ther he ever had his fight before ? He faid he was born blind^ 
and till the day of his prefentment before the holy fhrinc, he 
had never beheld the light ; and this was confirmed by the 
man's wife. The Duke then looked more attentively at his 
eyes, and faid, He believed him : for friend^ faid his Grace> 
/ hardly think ym can fee now. The man with gteat devo- 
tion lifted up his eyes to heaven, and faid, He could fee dif- 
tm6lly. Ton can / faid the ^Duke ; Thetiy what colour is this 
garment F The beggar told him. He tried him again and 
again ; and ftill the beggar was ready. The Duke then aflced 
him, If he could tell the names of every man prefent P His 
anfwer was, He could not, — Take this impqftor away, then, 
faid the Duke, and let him he openly fet in the Jlecks ; for 
though he could have been fuddenly rejiored to fight fo as to dif 
tinguifb the difference of colours, yet he could no more tell the 
names of thefe colours by fight, unlefs he had known them, he- 

fore, than he could the names of every man heh prefent, 

The man upon this conviftion acknowledged the fraud, and 
prayed, for forgivcnefe. 



^v> 



A coLLfiCTibN ot ESSAYSi'&ii ^4^ 



^fhe SA ILOR and PEDLAR J i W, a trUe^Sibtyi 

THE Concdrdia, a Spahifti Regifter fh!p, was ialcerf 
by the Sdlebay, and brought into Gibraltar ; a great 
hamber of very rich fuits of clbaths^^as oil board the prizes 
which the Jacks rigged themfelves with when they came oiv 
fhorc, and appeared in the moft droll proceffifari jever ycf 
Exhibited. 

Let any peribn pifturfe in fancy one hundred atia h%if 
men marching along, drcfled in fuch contrarieties; as for 
rnftanbe, one \(rith a fihe embroidered cloak, atid an old 
fagged jacket underneath. Another with a fine Poiht 
d'Efpagne hat, and beautiful plume of feathers in it, on an 
old flannel cap.' A third with a fine brocade waiftcoat on, 
and a gold laced belt, and a rich hiked (word, iwinging 
againft a pair of open-kflee'd dirty tar*d trOvWers; Another 
in embrddered breeches, gold-clock ftockings, a pair of 
iong-qilftrtered pecked tde'd punjps, dancing a hornpipe 
wirfi a checked ftiirt on. 

In this manner tbisy appeared, and went about to^vn, fog- 
ing, dancing, fuddling, fiddling, and wenching; until all 
their money was gone; and then they were obliged, like 
many land beau5> to part from the covering of their backs, 
to fumifti themfelves \vith lining for their bellies. 

One of theiti, whofe name was Will Bob-Stay, had taken 
for a companibn i>ne of the foldiefs in the garrifoh ; they 
were townfmen ; and wMle Jack's money lafted, they, like 
a couplfe of gay fparks in London/ run through all the plea- 
fares of life at Gibraltar; fuch as drinking, wenching, gam- 
ing, &c. and at laft pennykfs were turned out rf a tavern 
about twelve at night, at a hopfe where the &ilor had fold 
his fitie cloaths, and fpent moft of his money. However, 
having no more to fpend, the tavern man had ho more room 
to fpare; for moft of the tavern-keepers are like the ftrum- 
pets whom they admit ; tliey will rctcive ready-money cuf- 
tomers witli open arms, but turii th^ infolvent out to ftarve 
upoi^ a dtinghill. 

It was on a ^unghill, on which dead drunk both the Ibl-^ 

dier and the failor were carried ; diere they lay, and fnored 

out half a dozen hours: At laft, the fun ftriking pretty hot 

upon their faces, and thirft being very powcrfuT, the lailcar' 

K k . ' heated 



5jo THE POLITE MISGELLANYt ok, 

Ideated both within and without, awoke, (hook himfelf, lobk^ 
about to fee which way the wind was ; then ipying his part- 
ner along fide of him, calls out, Hollo, meffinate, why you 
are (lowed }n a warm birth there. Why you'll be claj>t 
aboard by the fun, till you are all fcorch'd )to touch paper. 
Come, bear a hand, and let's go a-head a little. The fol- 
dier waking, enquired for a futler's tent for to get a drinjc. 

Sailor, Why that would be no bad pilotage, brother ; but 
v^herc the devil fhall we fteer to, to get a feud of wine, 6ip 
•you know? for look here {turning out his hreeches pockets^ 
neither my ftarboard or larboard lockers have got a ftiver 
aboard them. » 

The foldier was as pcnnylefs, and they fat for fome mo- 
ments looking at one another, like the pifture of poverty 
daring difappointment in the face. 

The failpr got up, and kick'd the dirt about, in hopes cS 
finding a piece erf money there* As he turned the tqp of 
the dunghill about, he faw fomcthing (hinc among fomd 
aflies, the fun at that time bearing ftrongly upon the place. 
• He pick'd it up, it was the cut top of the ftopper of a glafs 
deccrntcr, the ftopper part broke off fmooth. It had lain in 
that muck heap ib long, its furface was incruflated with a 
dark fhell, except in onie or two places about the bign^fs of a 
pea, where the polifh was ftill bright, and which, as it was 
held in the fun, caft a very bright luftre. This appearance 
gave the failor a hint for a fcheme, which he refolved to put 
i^to immediate execution. f 

/ It was currently t^eported, that a very large diamond of 
prodigious value, which had been revered on board the 
SpaCnifh prize, was mifling. Strift feardi was made for it ; a 
reward was offered of one hundred dollars to any who could 
give information about it, and a fevere puniflunent threat- 
ened to them \yho it fhould be fcnind had concealed it. Thefe 
circumftances made the failor thus open to his companion. 
I'll tell you what, meffmate, I have fhipp'd a thought on 
board my (kuU, that, mayliap, we may make a good voyage 
"^with. 

Sold. Then let's hear it, lii the Lord's name. 

Sail. Why, you know the jew, that had the confcience to 

^ve me but three dollars for that fine velvet waiftcoat, and 

' what-do-ye-call-um-cloak, all done about with gold and fil- 

ver; you know, we cou'dn't ftay to n&!ke a better bargalh, 

becaufe we wete both fo dry then. Sol' 






A COLLECTION OF ESSAYS, to. 251 

Sold. Yes, yes, I do; and the dog wou*dn*t ^ve us a Tcud 
of Ayinc yeftdrday, dio'f we axt him. 

Sail. Why now, mind me, th^ only take my inftruftions ; 
and if we don't get to windward of Smoufe, why then I can^t 
fay my compafs; but you muft belay babbling, it muft be 
, done cunningly. ^ . - 

Sold. As to that, my boy, did you h^er know me fey la 
word I 

Sail. Why no. 

Sold. Well then; and as to any trick, do ye fee, why you 
koow me well enough for that too: For, though I fay it, 
for doing any mifcluef in the way of roguery, why, if diere 
- is ever ^a ibjdier ip all the garrifon, can have a better charac- 
ter from all his officers than I can, why I'll be tied up to the 
halberds to-morrow mocning, and tak^ a cool hundred. 

Sail. Why then go tell the jew, that I have got the great 
diamond out of our fhip, and. will fell it cheap. # 

Away went the land man of war, ' and brought the jew to the 
Mor. The tarr was fo cunning, he wou'd not truft the 
jew with the diamond; he (hewed it him^ and held it in fuch 
a manner, that the fun. beams ftruck upon the polifh'd parts 
of it as he turn'd it round. 

Over-e^gernefs is ever hood-wink'd. Thus the avarice of 
the jew wou'd not examine minutely into the ftone, but 
agreed to give him feven hundred dollars for it, and his note 
for two thoufand more. 

The jew had. brought with him the money in a bag, two 
hundred of which, dollars belonged to a jew prieft, which he 
was agent for, and was that day to bring the levite. 

Bijt the pedlar, as foon as he got poffeflion of the dia- 
mond, was determined to bilk his own prieft as well as the 
failor; for he went down to the Mole, and enquired if there 
was not any fhip bound into the Mediterranean to the Barbary 
coaft, to England, or to any-where eUe, it v^as alike to him, 
fc he-could put out tp fea. ' ^ ♦ 

It happened, that the pcrfon that had entrufted him with 
the two hundred dollars 'heard of it, .and the prieft flew ttn 
the governor, and obt^ed an order for apprehending the 
pedlar. When this diamond merchant was in cuftody, and 
interrogated, and thr^tened concerning what he had done 
with the two hundred dollars, tear at laft made him confcfe 
k)w he h^d laid itilliit, dad he fticwed his purchafe. 

^ '^ |^k2 Tlie 



i 



ff2 THE POLITE MISCELLANY: ^r. 

The fraud was immediately difcovered, the foldicr apprcr 
hendexl, and the failor lent for from on board; but the tair, 
as ibon as he heard his companion the ^nadier was taken up, 
came hoaeftly, and heart of oak like, to furrender hini£d[f; 
and begged to be carried before the governor. 

Thidier all parties were brought, and die principal perfbas 
ip Gibralter came to hear this examination. 

After every thing was fettled for a fair hearing, the failor 

begged leave to tell his ftqry. It was allowed Wm : wbere- 

qpqn he began. 

And pleafe your npble commodprcftiip, mr. Governcft*, 
that there fmpufe dealt with me before for fome cloaths; 
and he came athwart hawfe with me, for he only gave mc 
three dollars for fome things, whereof he fold one of then^ 
things agaby dn half an hour afterwards, for i6 ducats. 

The truth of this was depofed to by two creditable pcr- 
fons, who had ioformed tfic iailqr of it, and were eye-wit* 
ucffes of the bargain. 

Sail, Now and pleafe. ypur l;pnoun^blene£^, I had a mind 
to try if I could clap my hejm hard a weather, and about 
fhip with him again; fo, finding this, I fent him word, I had 
found a diamond, it mought or it mought not be fo, pleafe 
your honour, how (honld I know, Fm no judge; and befides if 
fo, I would let him have it,' and he fhould fix a price on'f ; 
be did fo, and he gave me fo much money, and a ticket for 
fo much mpre, when I could catch it, I fuppofe ; but i beg 
your honour and glory will ax him, if he did not it think 
it was our great diamond, and what he judges our great 
diamond was worth, 

Thefe queftions were put to the jew; and he confcfsy 

he bought it for the great diamond -that he imagined it 

worth 1 50,0001. and he gave 700 dollars for it. ." - 

The faitor and his' comrade were difmiffed—- — the prieft 
had his 200 dollars agai^, 100 dollars could not be found, 
but the remiander 400 were diftributed among the wives erf 
the foldiers and failors at Gibraltar, and the pedlar condemn- 
«d to hard labour, and a twelvemonth's imprifcmment. 



'.^{-♦. 



To 



A COLLECTION OF ESSAYS, &p. , 25^ 
To the PRINTER. 

SUL, 

TTAVING feen an extraft frxMn The Hijlory tf Kamtfchatka^ 
3*^ and being of a temper curious 'to enquire into the man- 
ners of fuch uncultivated natiopsas are only aduated by pure 
nature, I perufed the wcwrkj and not on^y found my curiofity 
abundandy fatisfied in the entertaining account given ^here 
of thofe Aborigines, if I may be allowed the'expreffion, but 
was alfo agreeably furprized to meet with the Geography add 
natural hiftory of a country fituate in a part of the World \. 
to which all Europe, and even their prefent mafters Ae 
Ruffians, have till now been ftrangers. The following ac- 
count of their courtdiips and marriages having gi*eady 
pleafed me on account o£ its novelty, I have incloled fent 
you a tranfcript thereof, not doubting but it may be equally 

rreeable to fpme of your Readers as it has been tome, 
it was not a general cuftom, yet there have been many 
"examples that fome of the primitive people of Afia obtained 
their wives by fervitude: I am certain that this trial is, in tlie 
prefent cafe, an inftance of their prudence, as they are 
thereby obliged to prove themfelves capable of procuring 
fupport for their family, which can be purchafed there by 
no other means than laborious exerciies; and though the 
cuftom of bekig i:^ roug^y handled in the ceremony of feiz- 
ing their brides may feem uncouth tb a modern beau, yet 
it appears to me an indubitable proof of theh* aiiedHon for 
the bride, which few of the latter would have either the 
refolution or perfervance to undergo for the fineft woman iti 
Europe. • 

When a Kamtfchadale rcfolves to marry, he looks about 
for a bride in jbme of the neighbouring villages, feldomin 
his own ; and when he finds one to his mind, he diicove^ • 
his inclination to the parents, defiring that he may have the 
liberty of ferving them for fome time : This permiffiqp he ' 
eafily obtains, and during his fervice he fhews an uncommon 
:zcal, in order to farisfy them of what he can do. After - 
having thus ferved, he defires liberty to feize his bride ; and 
if he happens to pleafe the parents, his bride, knd her rela- 
tions, this is prefently granted; but, if they difapprove of. 
it, they give fome -^firiall reward for his fervice?, and he de- 
parts. It fometimes happens, that theie briclcgixx)ms, \yith- 
_ ' out 



1 



954 THE POLITE MISCELLANY: or, 

out difcovering any thing of their intentions, digage them- 
felves in fervice in fome ftrange village; and though every 
one fufpefts their defigp, yet no notice is taken of it, till 
either he or his friends declare it. 

When a brid^oom obtains the liberty erf feizing his bride, 
he feeks every opportunity of finding her alwie, 6r in the 
company of a few people, for during this time all tlie women 
in the village are obliged to proteft her; befides, fhe has 
two or three diffei»ent coats, and is fwaddled round with 
fifti nets and ftraps, lb that ihc has little more motion than 
a ftatue. If the bridegroom happens to find her alone, or 
ifi company with but a few, he throws himfelf upon her, 
and begins to tear of her cloaths, nets, andflraps; for to 
itrip the bride naked feems to conititute the ceremony of 
marriage, Tliis is not always an eafy tafk, for diough fhe 
herfelf makes linall rcfiftance, (and indeed flie can make but 
little) yet, if there happen to be many women ne^r, they 
all fall upon the bridegioom without any mercy, beating him, 
dragging him by the hair, fcratching his face, and ufing every 
other method they can think of to prevent liim from accom- 
plifhing his defign. If the bridegroom is fo happy as to ob- 
tain his wifli, he immediately runs from her, and the bride, 
as a proof of her being conquered, calls him back with a 
foft and tender voice: Thus the marriage is concluded. This 
viftory is feldoin obtained at once ; for fometimes the con- 
tcft lafls a whole year, and after every attempt, the bride- 
groom is obliged to take fome time to recover flrength and 
to core the wounds he has received. There was an infVance 
of one, who, after having.perfevered for feven years, inftead 
of obtaiiling a bride, was rendered quite a cripple, the wo- ' 
men having ufed him fo barbaroufly. 

As fbon as the above ceremony is over, he has liberty next 
night to go to her bed to bed, and the day following, without 
any ceremony, carries her off to his dwn village. After 
fome time the bride and the bridegrom return to the 
bride's relations, where the marriage feafl is celebrated in 
the following manner, of which I was a eye-witnefs in 1739, 

The bridegroom, his friends, and his wife, vifited the 
father-in-law in • three boats. All the women were in the 
boats, and the men, being naked, pufhed them !along with 
poles. About one hundred paces from the village Jo w^hich 
they were going they landed, bv^gan to fmg, and ufed con- 
jura ticnfi 



A COLLECTION OFi JfiSSAYS, &e. ^s$ 

jurations with tow faftened upon a rod, muttering fdme* 
thing over the head of a dried fifli, which they wrapped 
in the tow, and gave to an old woman to hold. The cori- 
juration being over, they put upon the bride a coat of flieep's 
(kin, and tied fpur images about herj thus loaded (he had 
dfficulty to mpve. They went again into their boats, and 
came up to the village, where they landed a fecond time ; 
at this landing place, a boy of the village met them, .and 
led the bride by the hand, all the womea following. 

When the bride came to the hut they tied a (trap rou^d 
hef, by which (he was let down the (lairs, the old women 
who carried the head of the fi(h going before her; (he laid 
down the head of the fi(h at the foot of the ftairs, where 
it was trodden upon by the bride and bridegroom, and ajl 
the people prefent, ai^d then thrown into the fire. 

All the ftrahgers took their places, having firft flripped 
the bride of her fuperfluous ornaments. The bridegrooint 
heated the hut, aad drefled the viftuals Which they had 
brought with them, and entertained the inhabitants of the 
village. The next day the Landlord entertained the (h'angerj 
with great fuperfluity, who on the thTrd day d^partcdj 
the bride and bridegroom only remained to Work (bme tfme 
^with their father. The fuperfluous drels which was taken 
fix>m the bride was diltributed among the relations, who wcr^ 
obliged to return them prefcnts' of far greater value. 



On JCHEARFULNESS. 

FAIR as the daWning light I aufpicious gueft f 
Source of all comfort to the human brcaft ! 
Depriv'd of thee in fad defpair we moan. 
And tedious roll the heavy mcnnents on. 
Though beauteous objcfts all routid us rKe 
To charm the fancy, and delight the eyes ; 
Though art's fair ivorks and nature's gifts (;onfpire 
To plea(e each fenfe, and fatiate each defirc, 
'Tis joylefs all— till thy enliv'ning ray 
Scatter^ the melancholy gloom away. 
Then open? to the foul a heav'nly (cene, 
Gladnefs and peace, all fpritely, all fereee. 

Where 



1 



-256 THE P^^Lltfe MisfcFLLANY: 6*11. 

Where doft thoti detgn, fay in what Weft retrcjft; 
To choofe thy manfion, and to fix thy leat ? 
Thy fecred prefcnce how (hall we explore ? 
Can av'rice gain thee with her golden flore ? 
Can fain ambition with her boafted charms 
Tempt thee within her wide-extended arms ? 
No, with content alone canft thou, abide, 
Thy Meri €ver linirifig by thy fide. 

When boon companions v6id of evYy care, 
. . Crown the full bowl and the rich banquet /hare, 

, And give a loofe to pleafurc art thbu there ? 

Or when the eager fwains purfuc the chace 

With aftive limbs, and health in evVy face, 

is it thy voice, that wak'ning up the Mom, 

Chears the (launch hound, and winds the jolly horn? 

On when th' aflembled great and fair advance 

To celebrate the mafk, the play, tjie dance, 

Whilil beauty fpreads it$ fweeteft charms around. 

And airs extatic Iwell their tuneful found. 

Art thou within the pompous ckcle found ? 

Does not thy influence more fedately (hine ? 

Gau fuch tumultuous joys as thefc be thine ? i 

Surely more mild, more conftant in their courie, 

*rhy plcafurcs iffue from a nobler fource, 

From fweet difcretion ruling in thy breaft. 

From p^ons temper'd, and from lulls rcpreft. 

From thoughts unconfdbus of a guilty fmart. 

And the c^lm tranfports of an honefl heart. 

Thy aid, O ever faithful, ever kind, / 

Thro' life, thro' death, attfcnds the virtuous mind.- 
Of angry fate tvards from us evVy blow^ 
Cures ev^'ry ill, and foftcns ev'ry woe. 
Whatever good our mortal ftate defires. 
What wifdom finds, or innocence infpires ; '^ 

From nature's bounteous hand whatever flowSf,» 
Whate'er our Maker's providence beflows, 
By Thee mankind enjoys, by Thee repays 
A gtateful ti-ibute of perpetual praife. 



I 



A toLtitfioiiot essays^ set. asj 

^ Of the MILDEW oh CORJV. 
From a DUBLIN NEWS f^ A P E, R. 

^HE Tillage-fairmer iii Irekind is much to be pi- 
tied, from tho pbornefs of his '^rheat-crop laft year; 
it has been cxjmmon.for ^ man to threfti a barrel and an half 
of wheat a day, and feldom left than a barrel : But of the 
corn of lail harveft, from fix to ten ftohe is as much as I 
ead hear any irian can ^ccomplUhj we need not feck far- 
ther to jM"Ovc the pooracfs of it. 

The {3(revailing notion is, That the corn of this kingdom 
was mildewed laft year, and that from the exceffive rains 
we had before hstrveft. I examined many ficldsr.of wheat, 
but could not find one plant mildewed^ neither did I expert 
it, fince that diftemper, I apprehend, arifes not by rain, 
but from drought. Moderate moiftiire lubricates and keeps 
the plant in a flexible ftate, fo as to perform its funclion 
of digeftion with cafe ; but exceffive drought parches * and 
Contrafts the fibres of the plant, and eonfequently - they 
become britde and crack, by whith the internal juic6s, it 
fliould fcem reafonable to imagine^ ai^i emitted too abun- 
dantly; the fun immediately incriifts that glutinous matter, 
and forms what writers call ruft or mildew; and there have 
been inftaacjes of its falling from the plants, and appearing 
vifiWy upon the ground. What feems to fupport this notion 
is, that the colour of this powder hath been found to vary 
on different plants in the fame feafons, when the contagion 
has been general. The learned Mr. Tillet, direftor of the' 
mint at Troyes, fays, * I^ will be red on beans, rufty oh 
all kind of corn, gireenUh on the plumb, yellowifli.on the 
afti, white on the larch, &c.' It would take up too much 
rocxn to give a full defcrlption of the mildew ; I offer fo 
^uch to (hew it was not that diftemper wlich injured the crop 
laft year ; and I found my opinion upon the following obferva- 
tion. Where the corn was thin upon the ground, there 
tb^ grain was chiefly perfeft, though not large ; but where 
the OTouivl was fully covered, there the grain il^ver fiUecJ, 
but Kwrmed imperfeftly, which confifk oi thick oats or bran, 
and yields but little flower. I very carefully^ and that, re- 
peatedly, examined fuch fields as were heavily covered with 
ftraw, and found, that by die continual rain moft of the 
ftraw was perUhed juft at the furface of the earth, and alt 
L 1 the 



i 



258 THE POLITE MISCELLANY: oY, 

the thicker part or trunk of the ftraw was dUcoloured, ex* 
cept the upper joint ; but in fuch fields as had a thin crop, 
the ftraw was confidqrably brfghter, and found at the fur- 
face of the earth. Whence fhould arife this difference both 
in die grain and ftraw? It is plain, where the crops were- 
thin the air had a freer palEige, than it could pbffibly have 
where they were thick; and confequendy diffipated the adhe- 
ring wat^r from- the thin crops, which not being removed 
from the crowded ones, brought on a putrcfaftion in the 
ftraw, and confequendy vegetable food*coold no longer pafs 
.to* the nourifhm^nt dt the grain, the canals for its pafGige 
being deftroyed. .T 

Hence we fee how injudicious it is to fow corn tWckon 
the ground, accwding to the common' praftice, fmce it*i^ 
liable to many accidents, from the crowded occupai;ion of 
the plants ; but above all, that of being ftarved, >rfiich does 
not attend it, when fown in drills; to fupport which, we 
may introduce the acre of wheat raifed by BiUingham Boyle, 
Elqrlaft fummer, from i61b. of feed, from wWch he had 
1 1 barrels, three ftone, three pounds. 

Few Farmers, if Uny in this kingdom, had the like pro- 
duce fi^m an acre, ^though they ufcd a barrel of feed. 
Can we then have a greater proof of the rationality of the 
Drill Huibandry, which feemjr only to want a fuffident nuin^ 
ber of examjdes put in pra6lice in the different counties, 
in order, by its apparent advantages, to invite the common 
former to die practice of a method which in every circum- 
ftance, has fuperior advantages to that comfficmly ufcd; 
which are, that the work is cheaper, the ground is im- 
proved by it, the corn not fo liable to Jodgc as in the com- 
mon method, not fo fubjeft to mildew, b%ht, fmut, &c; 
or to be waftied out of the ground by heavy rains; as hath 
been the cafe in Ainy part§ this winter; and which I fear 
will be feverely felt next year. Mr. Boyle's experiment 
proves what it feems to have been calculated for by the au- 
thor of it, viz. that the Farmer throws away in his ffei 
what would be a handfome profit to him, and is, undoubtedly; 
« great lofs to the kingdom, a^leaft 300,000 1. a year.— «— 
Profeffiog myfdf an enemy to the importation of porfi, and 
every otner article our land is capable df produdng. I am - 
Your conftant Reader, 

AGRico^i; 



A COLLECTION OF ESSAYS, &c. 259 

TotbePRlNTA ^ 



Sir, 

IJlnd the mgenms Mr, Fergufon is at LivCTpool, reading 
Leftures in Experimental Plnlofophy, and fropofes to dofo 
at Mancheftcr, before he returns to London, if he meets 
ni)ith proper Encouragement ; that led * me to defire yeu 
' vsouW infert in Jour Magazine, (for I think it vjill pkafe 
many of your Readers) Mr. Fergufon'/ plain DireAions 
for the Ufc of the Hydroftatic Balance, in weighing GdW, 
Silver, and other Bodies. 

THE art of weighing different bodies in Water, and 
thereby • finding their Specific gravities, or weight?, 
bulk for bulk, ^ was invented by ArcUmedes; of which we 
have the following account. 

Hiero, King of Syracafe, having emptoyed a goldfinith to 

make a crown, and ^ven him a mafs of pure gold for that 

purpofc, fulpeft^ that the workman liad kept back part of 

the gold for his own bfe, and made up the weight by :allay- 

ing the crown withxopper. But the King not knowing how 

to find out the truth of that inatter, referred it to Archi- 

incdes, who having ftudied a long time in vain, found it out 

at lall by chance. For going into a bathing-tub of water, 

aad oWer^g that he thereby raifed the water higher in the 

tub than it was before, he concluded inftantly, that he had 

rmfed it. juft as hi^ as any thing elfe could have done, thirt 

wa6 exaftly of his bulk ; and ccmfMering that any other body 

of equal weight,- and of lefs bulk than himfelf, could not 

have raifed the water fo high as he did ; he immediately told 

the King, that he had found a method, by which he could 

difcover whether there was any cheat in the crown. For 

finc» gold is the heavieft of all known metals, it mujft be of 

left bulk, according to it's weight, than any other metal; 

and therefore he defired that a mal^of pure gold, equally 

he^vy widi the crown when weighed inlak, fhould be weighed 

"againft it in watery and if the crpwn was not allayed, it 

would couoterpoiie the mals of g^y \rfienrihey were both 

Immer&d in water, as well as it didwhen they were weighed 

. iQ air. But upon making d^e trial, he found that the mais 

of gold wdghed much h^vicr in water than the crown did \ 



1 



26o THE POttTi: MlsCfiLLANY: o A, 

aad not only fo, >at that, when the mafs and crown were 
ilfmerfed fcpara&ly m one veflel of wateri the<:rowii r^ifed 
ihc water much higher thaii the mafs did; whi^h (hewed it 
to be allayed mx\i fbme tighter metal, that increafed its balk: 
And ib, bv making triab vn^ different metals, all cqimUy^ 
heavy with the crown when weighed in air, he fpuod out the 
(joantky of allay i> the crown. 

The fpecific gravities erf bodies are as their weights, bulk^ 
for bulk; thus, a body is fad to have two or three time^ 
tb#fpecific gravity of another, when it contains two or thite 
times as n:nch matter in the fame fpace. 

A body immerfed in a fluid wUl fink to the bottom, if it 
be heavier than it's bulk of the fluid. If it be fulpcfldecf 
therein, it t^ill lofe as much of %hat it vircighed in air, a§ \l€% 
bulk of the fliiid weighs. Hence all bodies of equal bulk,' 
which would fink in fluids, lofe equal weights when fdfpenr 
ded therein ; and unequal bodies lofe in proportion to their 
bulks. ' ' 

The bydroftatic balance differs very little from a onmnofi. 
balance that is nicely made ; only it has a hook at the bottoBi' 
of each fcale, oii which fmall wei^ts ittay be hung by horfe- 
hairsT, or by filk threads. So that a body, fufpcrScd by thcf 
hair or thread, may be immerfed in water, without i^etdiig 
the fcale fronrv ^vhich it hangs. 

If the body thus fufpendcd under the fcale, at one end 
of the balance, be firft counterpoifed in air % wei^ts'iD 
the oppofite fcale, and then immei-fed hit' water, thdeqwffi- 
brium will be immediately dcftroyed. Then, if at much 
weight be pot tftto the fcale from which the body haogi^ as 
M^l reftorc the equilibrium (without altering 4ic wei^itr 
ih the oppofite fcale) that Wei^t which refiores theeqliili^ 
brium, tViU be equal to the weight of a quantity of water 
as big as the immerfed body. And if the weight of the'" 
body in air be divided by what it lofes m water, ^e qub- 
tjent wiU ftiew how much that body is heavier tli^n its bifllt 
of water. Thus, rf a guinea fufpended in air, be cpimw^ 
tc;r balanced by 129 grains in the oppofite fcale of the^fxi^^ 
■^ lance; ^nd then, upon fc being imifterfcd in water, ifc be* 
becomes fo much lighter, as to requk-e 7 iq. grains^tabr* 
|)ut into the fcale over it, to the equiUbVium, itfliewrthat 
ps^uantity of water, of equal bulk (sS the. gmnca, wcighV^ 

7.iq. 



A COLLKGf ION OF. ESSAYS, &c. 24i 

J I cf, grains, or ya^^ by wWch dinde lip, (the aerial 
weight of the gukica) and die quotient will be 1 7^793 i 
^hkh (hews that the guinea is 17*793 times heavier thaa 
:it8 bulk of water. And thus aay piece of gold may be 
4r\ed, by weighing it firft in air, and thenin water; and |f 
\lport dividing the weight in air by the lofs in water^ the 
<^ttctient comes out to be 17*793,. the gold is good; if the 
quotient be 18, or betw^n 18 and 19, the gold is very 
iiner but if it bclefs than 17 i q. The gold is too much 
allayed, by l^ng mixed with fome other inetaL 

If filver he trie^ in this manner, and found to be 11 
time? heavier than water,, it is very fine ; if it be i o i half 
dmes heavier it is^ ftandard ; but if' it be of any lefs we^ht 
compared with water, it is inixed with fome lighter metal, 
fuch as tin. 

By this method the fpecific gravities of all bodies that will 
fihk iu' water may be found. But as to thoie which are 
lighter than water, as moft forts of wood are, the following 
method may be taken, to fhew how much lighter they are 
than their refpcftive bulks of water, ' -^ 

Let an upright ftud be fixed into a thick flat piece of 
brafs, and in this ftud let a fmall lever, whofc arms are 
equally Jong, turn upon a fine pin, aa ao axis. Let the 
thread which hangs from the fcale of the balance be tied to 
pne end of the lever, an4 a thread from the body to be' 
weighed tied to the other end. This done, put thebrafi 
and lever into aveflcl; then pour water into the veifel, and 
the body wiU rife and float upon it, and draw down the end 
pf the bdance from which it hangs; then put as much 
weight in the oppofite fcale as will raiie that end of the ba- 
lance, fo as to pall the body down mto the water by pieans^' 
of the lever ; and this weight in the fcale will fhew hoW 
much the body is lighter than its bulk of water. Jl^,- 

There are fome things which cannot be weighed In this 
manner^ fuch as^/quickfilver, fragments dF diamonds, &c, 
becanfe they cannot be fufpended in threads, and muft there- 
fore be put into t glafs bucket, hanging by a thread from 
the hook of one fcal^ and . cpunterpoifed 1^ weights put 
into the oppofite fcale. Thus> fuppofe you want toknov^ 
the fpecific gravity of quickfilver, with refpeft to thajt of 
w-ater, let die empty bucket be firfl counter poifed'fn air, and 

then 



262. THE , POLITE MISCELLANY: or, 

then, the quickfilver put int6 it and wcig^edi Write down 
^hc weight of. the bucket, and alfo of the quickfilver ; which 
done, empty the bucket, and let it be immerfed in vqi|:er 
as it haogs by the thread, and counterpoifed therein by weights 
in the'oppofite fcale ; then pour th^ quickfdver into the*budit^ 
ct in the water, which will niake it preponderate; and put jw 
much weight into the fcale as will reflore the balance to an 
equipoife ; and this weight will be the weight of a quantity 
of tvater equal in bulk to the quickfilver. LafUy, divide 
the weight of the quickfilver in air by the weight of its bulk 
of water, and the quotient will fhew how mudi the quick- 
filver is heavier than its bulk of water. 

If a piece of brafs, glafs, lead, or filver, be ipimeried 
or fufpended in different fort* of fluids, its different loffes 
. of weight therein will fhew how much it is heavier than its 
bulk of the fluid; the fluid being the lightefl, in which the 
immerfed body lofes leafl of its aerial weight. A fblid bub- 
ble of glafs i$ .generally ufed for finding the fpecific gravities 
of fluids. 

Hence we have an eafy method of fmdiag the ^cific gravity, 
both of folids and fluids, with regaid to their relpeftive bulks 
of common pump-water, which is generally made a flandard 
for comparing all the.othcrs by. 



HYMENj a new occafional Interlude, as it is per- 
formed at the Theatre-Royal in Drury-lane, London. 

The Overture compofed by Mr. Potter. 

Jfter the Overture, the Curtain rifes to foft Mufic, and dtfco-^ 
vers a Rural Scene, a Temple in Fieiv, Hymen a/leep in a 
Bower, an Altar, and a Torch unlit. 

The Music by Mr. Arnt, jun. ' * 

Enter CUPID. Air. 

HOW pleafing dear Wedlock, aj)pcar thy domains J ' 
How foft are thy fetters, hoW>eaiy thy chains ! 
No pleafure on earth is lb perfeft as thine, 
Thy jo)^ with the virtuous are almoft divine ; 
For friendfhip and love here together unite 
The raptures of fenfe>^ith fupemal delight. 

Ricii. 



A COLLECTION OF *ESSAYS,.,&c. 263 

Rfcit. 
Hyincn, awake !-— the god of love attend ! 
HTM EN, nftng. Recit. 
Wh^t caufe propitious brings my deareft friend I 
Air. ^ ~ 

. Joy and pleafure great and free, 
Fin my breaft at figh'i of thee I 
Tell me, gentle God of Love, 
Why you vifit Hymen's groye \ 
CUPID. / Recit. 
Dreadful War, the human foe. 
Leaves to Peace the world below; 
DifccM-d quits the' frighted land, 
Baniftiyby the viftor's hand. 
Jir. 
See around in ev'ry grove. 
Mirth, tranquillity, and love ; i 
Take thy torch and golden carriage, ^ 
Now's the Jreign of Love and Marriage.. 
Duet. 
Hym. Love rewards the foldier beft. 
Cup. Hymen mAcs the virgin bleft; 
-r* *u 5 Then, O Ventjs hafteaway, 
iQgetoer. .| j,^ ,^.g Htmen?s hblyday. 

Enter VpNUS, Recit. 
Hymen, the lacred rites of love prepare ! 

HJMEN. 
I will — Butfirft, O queen, for "sxdiomdedarel 

VENUS. Recit. 
For one divinely fent mankind to pleafe, 
Form'd to command with dignity and eafe ; 
Of manners pleafmg, god-like where he can, 
A prince ! a hero, and a worthy man. 

Duet. VENUS and CUPID. 
What but lovely blooming youth, 
Grac'd with all the charms of truth, ' 
Fair with matchlefs elegance, 
Can the hero recompenfe? 
Whq^ around the fpacious earth, * 

Bright with beauty, great by birth. 
Should, but {he, fuch merit (hare, • 
Who's as virtuous as ftie's fair? 

The 



464 THE POLITE MlSC£tLANYt oitj 



The Music by Mr; Potter. 

VENUS. Rerit* accompanudi 

JOVE finiles approval from above. 
And gratiiktcl connubial love ; 
Aufpidous fate the anion wills^ 
And in the ffair fWect hope inftills. 

CUPID lights the Akar. Recit. . 
The fire I've kindled! light thy torch ^ain<: 

HYMEN. 
*Tis done; and now lurell form the marriage chad&^ 
VENUS. Air. 
Blefi, O JoVE, the Pair Mre join. 
And with friendfhip love entwine ; 
^ Realize then* fancy'd hope, 
And to rapture give full fcopc ; 
That they ibon may feel wldi pleafure^ 
Jo]^ parental witliout meafare. 
Recit. aeeompanied. 
Nymphs and fliepherds, quick advance I 
Join the feflive ibag aiid dance! 
He the kind, and (he the fair, 
iBlefling thus the happy, pair* 

Enter Nymphs and Shephe^ds^ 
Full Chorus. 
We confign the bright Par, 
O great Jove ! to thy catc : 
Deck them with Honour's g^rious crown, 
And m^e immortal joys their own. 
A DANCE-- 



A SONG. 

IF there be joy for me 
More than that of roving 
'Tis a wife, during life, 
Dearly lov*d -and loving. 

Glorious prize, would fhe rife--— 
To this one endeavour. 

Xuck be true, then — — - adieu! 
Lotteries for ever. 



I 



A tiOLLECtlOfI QF J^SSAH i^. iij 

A i?EW OCCASIONAL SONG^ 

Introductdin the RITES of HECATE ^ 
And Sutig by Mr. V£&M<i^Ki 

Reck. 

THUS live and love ve Jiappy fatr^ 
Breathe ftill the Kind, the fragrant aitj 
Enjoy your blils, and grievfe no more. 
That Flora quits o\ir Albrdn fliore. 

What tho' awhUe the fpring may fad*i> 
And mduniing mils the lovely maid^ 
B'ame (hall her future blife relate, 
And fmiling years confirm hcf glorious fat^. 
Ait. 
When ^Lo^A, with her plkrliteci lovcj 

Froini Thames's bank wimdrew. 
She fent k Idok to Richmond grove^ • 

And breath*d a figh d'er Kew. 
Oft with that breath the woodhiiie flower/ 

The rofes bldom*d more f vect, 
Now cotifcious & the parting hour,* 
They wither at her fe^t. 

No more with fongs of nymphs and {Wains/ 

The fprighdy morn (hail rife ; 
Love far retreats from Richni6hd plains. 

To reign in Flora's Eyes; 
Thames plaintive, like Euphrates, mourni^ 

His Eden's blafted fliore; 
No zephyrs breathe, no IjJririg returns. 

Where Flora fmJles no more. 

Yet here the Mufe ftill fcmdiy roves 

At curfeu's folenm knell. 
And hears the genius of the ffrovcs 

Thus fing froln Merlin's c^; 
^-Go happy nymph, tho' doom'd to ftiine, 

No more in Albion's Iphere, 
New rcalips ftiall feel thy ray divine. 

New Edcns flourifh there. 

Mm to 



1 



J^&6 THEi^FOLlTfi MX^GJiM-jWiY^- 6 r^ 



To the ?RIN*rER. . . « 

Who that is wrong' d like me can fit dmvn tamely, 
Jnd with dull goodncfs hlcfs the vile Uitdoer : 
Heaven I Mijf the traitor Ma?i fiirjue our Sex 
With rejllefs artijice, and lahonr\l vilenefsy 
Haunt us through all the ivlles and turns of cautiOHy 
Tilly tir'd with vaifi defence y his Jnares furround us. 

SIR, 

IF the aiBlftions and diftrefles of art unhappy mind can 
be eafed by a relation of its fufFerings, fure the Almighty 
will permit me to enjoy that bleffing. Reft of body and 
peace of mind have been ftrangers to me for thefe ten 
years paft, by means of a cruel villain, who in one wretched 
moment deprived me of innocence and peace, alas, for 
ever ! 

If a relation of my injuries can be of any lervice to the 
unthinking artd unguarded of my own fex, or a means of 
rouzing the vi^ance of thofe Gentlemen, who have the 
power to fupptefs thofe vile brothels, whofe infamous own- 
ers are deaf to every fenfe of ftiamc or pity, 1 beg the fa- 
vour of inferting the following true but melancholy faft : 

Abo^t twelve years ago I left the moft indulgent of pa- 
rents to live with an aunt in town, who loved me.tenderly.- 
She -being of a diearful dilpofition, for fome months I lived 
happy as my Utmoft wiQies dould make me. But, unfor- 
tunately for iiie, about that time a young Gentleman came 
from the country to be a Clerk in one of the public offices: 
in the-dty. ' He living in the family, our opportunities were 
not a few of being frequently together; I being young and 
gay he loon pretended a paflioir for me ; but as his offers 
were by no means honourable, I reje6lcd them with a dif- 
dan, that fuch propoials defer ve from every. one, who prefers 
honour and a good name to the flavifh abundance and gilded 
trappings of A kept Miftrefs. 

Oh I that I. had my innocence again. 
My untafach*d honour, but Iwt/b in vain. 
The fleece that has been by the dyerflain'd; 
Never again its native whitemfs gain'd» 

In 



A COLLECTION OF ^SSA^Sy^kc,^ ^67 

ffft vain heendeavQuredj.byeviay means and j^^gftp^ny 
his power, to ieduce me, as a fmccre love of iniioceiico, api 
a good name, governed all my aftions; finding ^lat ^was 
not to be prevailed on to confent to thofe vile terms, Kfc.ftI 
laft offered to marry me, and, as the Aft was fbon toi:akf 
place,, we bdng both under age, he earneftly entreated me 
to accept him;» but early in fife I had given my h'^artto.a 
worthy ^deferving youth, thenatfea. . ,, 

j^ftd now taknoiv no thought pf rjg/?, 
,To have the mind Jlill 7ninj}ringfrefb plagues ^ 
As in a circle j 

Where one dijloonour treads upon another y 
What know the Jiends beyond it P < ' ' 

Guilt is thejource of for row, 'tis the fiend, 
Th' avenging fiendy that follows us behind 
With whips and flings ; 
The hlefs'd know none of this^ ' 
But reft in eperlaflmg peace of mind, 
And find the height of all their heav'n in goodnefs. 
That beft of men coming home fome few months after, 
the villain difcovered my reafbns for refulii^ ^m, and as 
I could not live in peace nor fafety, I reiblved to go home 
vinto. the' country; this refolution he was foon acquainted 
with, by means of a man-fervant, (for he did not live, in 
the houfe at this time) and a few days before I intended ta 
return, he came and told me I need be in no hurry to go 
home, for he had been well informed, that my Lover was 
then engaged to a Lady at , and that they were al- 
ways together. 

As this worthy youth was fincerely and tenderly beloved 
by me, wonder not that jealoufy, and a fatal defire to know 
the truth, poflefTcd every thought ; I begged him to tell me. 
all he knew, which he refufed, and my aunt coming in, 
prevented my laying any ,more at that time. As I was ex- 
extremely unh^py, I indifcreetly wrote a note the next day, 
beting him to explain what he had told me, and not keep 
me^ in fufpence. He came, and, my aunt having company, 
I could not fpeak to him; but when he went away, I flipped 
the note, as I then thought, into his hand as he pafTed me, 
but by mifbike I had given him a letter I had wrote for a 
perfon of my acquaintance, in which was inclofed a receipt, 
or note of hand, I cannot be pofitive which; but he found 
M m 2 the 



t|i| TH» POUTE MISCELLANY: OH,* 

fhe mlAriart^ feakd the letter again, and fent it away by ^ 
^fO&t, hut tie note was loft. 

'frbe next morning he came and aiked me what I had giYei^ 
him. I langhed, and told lum .that was not intet^ded for him, 
but ai he was. come at a time I wifhed to fee hin^ Iftiould 
be obliged to him to end the uneafinefs he had ^en me. 
He iaid if that iva$ not d)e note, he fuppoied I h%d it 
about me, and if I would let him fee it, he wpuld then tcU 
me all he kne>v. Glad to get the fccret from him^ I put my 
hand with great hafte^ in my pocket and gave it him. But 
judge if it is poflSble, the furprize and horror which ftruck 
me, when the monfter declared, that if I would not confent 
to meet him where he Ihould appoiilt, he would fay I had, 
and, by means ot' that paper, intirely blaft my charafter a$ 
much as if \ had ; he left me loon after, telling me I had 
better confider, and confent. 

The terror th^t . dwelt on my mind is p;.ft defcription ; t 
remained quite ilupified al[ the remaining part of that day ; 
ynd the next, when the villain caine in the evening, my auat 
having thrown her handkerchief over her he-ad, fat ileeping 
or- nodding in the chair, as was her ufual cuftom after dinner, 
and as I did not d(sfire (he fhouid be acquainted with the iiib-r 
ie6l of our difpute, till I had endeavoured to perfwade him 
from fo wicked and ungenerous a defign; but determined, 
if I could not prevail, rather to hazard her anger, and.fpeak 
the truth, than give hjm a meeting. I went with him intq 
a little parlour, where his untie aKvays fat, and ashe\m 
every moment expefted, I had not the leaft fufpicion that he 
would dare to attempt any ilj there; and I went with the 
mQie,fecurlt)%*as in paffing through the kitche;^, he delired 
the Hof femdJ to bring hhn ibme fmall-beer. But fcarcly 
wa«i I entered when he began with freedoms too vile f$M* me 
to doubt his defign. No words can defcribe the fright and 
terror that at once feized my diftrcifled fcnles: J Iprang to the 
bell, for it was not in my power to fpcak; tKe monfter &w 
my terror and defign, and it being fked to the wainicot, bcr 
fore 1 could prefs my fingers ou the fpring, he catched mjc 
by the wrift, and dragged mcfi-om that part of the room. * 
Ob, that I had in that moment breathed mylafl, I had tficq- 
bcen happy ! for my fenfes left me, and I fainted. In thole 
wretched moments, when humanity demands the afliftan-ce' 
of every earthly being, dU this mpj[l accurfed and worft of 

vilbuas 



A COLtKCTrOM OF T^BAr*, A(?.. 7<|: 

v^uns ruin and deftroy my InQocence and p6K!e of m{nd^f<)f^ 
pvtr. Never, pcy^ have I )c*ipwa the faleffing of one hapfy 
hoar fince, and I may truly fay, J\fjrlife is waxen qld iifith 
f)eavinefs and tny yairs tvith mQurmttg, 

Yet dp I trutft in a juft and good God, vhowillfurdy 
;ivenge the ipnocent, and I may live to fe? die day, when he 
will be rewarded according to his deeds, and the wickednefs 
of his own inventions : Then, then only, can I end my days 
in pea<ie, for I never can forgive him, The fliam^ and caa- 
fufion of applying to public juftice, and the fear of diltreffing 
an indulgerit tender fether, that, to my grief, is liow np 
more, induced me tp be fdent. 

Nor did his curfed villainy cpd here ; fpr, finding mc de- 
Itermined to go home, without giving him any pppprtunity to 
ipeak to me^ the fecond day after, in the afternoon, a ler* 
vant ciame and told me cme wanted to fpeak to m? at the backr 
door.v I went, and would have turned back at feeing him; 
but he catphed me \a his arms, and fwofe I never fliould re- 
Uiitt»uQlefs I would promile to go with him to a relations, 
fwhere a Prieft waited to marry us. I hefitated at firil ; but 
the wretch fwore with fo much feeming truth, that I. could 
have kneeled to thank him, and, glad to embrace the Oder, i 
went*. 

But words ^e faint exprefEons tp defcribe the anguifh of 
my 'foul, while I tell the horrid tale. How loudly does the 
caufe of innocence and juftice demand a fuppreffir.i of thofe 
detefted brothels, whofe infamous owners are deaf to every 
<cnfe of fliame, pity, orcompaflioni 
A So true was the fervant's obfcrvation (who ftood at the 
dpor and liftened, though ihc would give me no afliftance) 

when ftie laid, What a villain is tha.t -. FVom that 

detefted night I have never been free from the moft racking 
pains, qccafitHied by a blow I received crofk the finall of my 
pack; and the ^nxietjes qf my 'mind up time can ever wear 
a^ay: 

N(pr Art nor Nature* s hand can eafe fny griefs 
Nothing but Death, the IVretcb^s kjt relief , 

At returning from this detefted houfe, the vilkiin toM mc, 
though he had promifcd to marry me there, yet it was not 
in his power, as 1 was under age ; but, if I cbofe to ftay ii^ 
to^Ti, what he had once offered me he would gladly give, 
tliat is, fifty pounds a-year ; but this I did not chufc to ac- 
cept, 



1 



.47^ ' THE POLITE MIS€ ELLA-NY: • R, 



ccptj and. home I went, where it pleafed Heaven to deprive 
me of my' lenfcs for near two years, and never fhall I be 
again the happy creature I once was. 

How am I diftreffcd to hear the beft of men often accnfed 
of brin^g me to that deplorable ftate of wretchednefe ? 
Shame will not let me fpeak the truth ; nor can he juftify 
himfelf, as he nobly loft his 'life in the fcrvice of his King 
and Country, a few j^ears ago. 

The cruel dcftroyer of my peace and love is fmce married ; 
and may his fins be far removed frpm his innocent wife and 
tender babes; -but for himfelf, would he svifh to know the 
leaft of my curies, let him turn to the cixth Pfalm, and" 
may I live to loiow when he will be as miferable as he made 
me. I am, Sir, your conftaift reader, 

and humble fervant. 



MARRIAGE CEREMONIES of the HOTTE NTq)gf:SL 

TH E defcnptlon of an Hottentot jnaking love, will, 
no doubt, be highly entertaining to the reader; the 
ceremony and feaft at van Hottentot wedding will furely 
be thought curious: Cruelty, which is the charafteriftic 
pf this people, has nothing to do here ; but naftinefe, wiB 
be very confpicuous, and with that the reader mjift be con*- 
tent to bear. If a balchelor, or widower, is difpofed to 
marry, he does not begin by difclofing his paiTion to the maid 
or widow that has v/on his heart. His firft bufinefs is to 
difcover the matter to his father, if he be living; and get 
his approbation: If his fiither confents, he goes along with 
him to the houfe of the woihan's father, in order to demand 
her in marriage for his fon. Wlicn the lover and his father 
wait on the friends of the woman, it is the bufinefs of the 
lover to prepare and preicnt Jacha, or tobacco, to the com- 
pany. They ail imouk, and the converfation turns upon 
indifferent matters; the vifitors iheimnfr to have forgot the 
bufinefs they come about, and none elie giviug an attention 
to it, till the heads of all prefent ai c intoxicated with fmoak- 
ing. Then the father of the man, addreiiing himfelf to the 
fiicher of thjs woman, opens the bufinelThe comes on, and 
demands the wpman as a match for his fon. , The father 

of 



A C (JLLRGT ION OF ESSAYS, &c. 271 

df the woman generally goes out tcf confult his wife updtt 
this overture, and quickly returns^ with a final anfwef , ^^'hidif 
is ieldom in the negative, unlefs the young \^6man be already 
contradled to another. When this happens to be the cafcy 
' marriage is deferred only till the youfig fellow (he is con- 
trafted to is made a man. , 

The father and fon depart direftly upon receiving a denial, 
and the matter is entirely dropped. The lover theft looks 
out for^ new choice; and If his father is not living, he muft 
have the approbation of the next in ^iithbrityof his relations^ 
who, in fuch cafe, does all that has been fild of the father; 
and if the fa^er of the woman be dead, the next in antho- 
rity of her kindred has the difpolM of her. If the father 
of the woman confents, flie is next confuhed h«srfelf» If 
fhe does not like the match^ fhe has but one diance to efcape 
it, which, in fuch c^ Ok generally takes. She mnft lie 
do^ with her lover on the ground, said play With Mm a 
Whc4c night, unlds the game is fooner up, at pindiing, tick- 
ling, &c. if (he gets the better 'of her lover at this fport^ 
fhe is fairly rid of Mm,^ and he muft drop all thoughts of 
her; but (he muft riiarry the man, willing or unwilling, if 
fubdued by him, as it generally happens. The (port turn- 
ing out, if the match is put upon thit iflbe, in favour of 
the lover ; and the lover being made a man, he lofes no time ; 
but chufmg two or three fat oxen from his own herd, if he 
has one, or his father's, according to the wealth and figure 
of the family, he drives them to the houfe from wh^ice he 
is to take his deftined bride. All his relations, men and wo- 
men that live dear him, accompany him, let the abode of 
his miftrefs be ever fo far off; and arriving before the houfe, 
all the relations of the woman thereabout immediately afTem^ 
ble, and receive them with innumerable greetings and carefTes. 
The oxen are immediately flaan after the Hottentot m^nfier. 

The whole company, men and women, befmear their 
bodies \rith the fat of them, and then powder themfelyes 
aU over with buchu. The more fat and buchu they have upon 
their bodies, '^the finer they reckon themfblves. Upon this 
joyful occafion therefore, both men and women bedaub and 
pdwder themfelves very lavi(hly ; and the women, to app^r 
ftill finer and more amiable, colour their foreheads, chdeks, 
and chins with a red chalk-ftone, eafily found in the fields. 
•The ftone, among the Hottentot women, holds the place 

' ■ '■ ■ of 



1 



af2 tilt foLltE ItttSCfeLtAftV: oK^ 

ef the )>amts and pac<^es ii(cd by our own, ahd h locked 
upoft 3s a great improver of beauty; 

They then proceed to the nuj)tial ceremony, 'i^'bichisas 
follows: The men. iquat thcmfelvcs upon the ground in a 
circk, in the center oi* M^hich the bridegroom places himfelf j 
then the prieft, who is always tliat of the knial» where the 
bride refides, enters the cucle of the men, and coming up 
tb the brideg^room, piffes upon him a little* The bridegroom 
receives the ftream v^ith tranlpb* \, rubbing it tn^iikly aU. 6ver 
bis. body, and nftdking ^l^ith his long nails (for the Hottentots 
never cut thtifs) fcveral deep Icratches inhis ikinj that the 
urine may penetrate and (oak the farther. 

The prieft then goes to the chple of thewttmetii aftd 
tom'ng up to the bride, pifles a little upon her; and (he re- 
c^rives and rubs the urine upon her body with as much nHactiXf 
ks the iH'idqproom. Then goes the prieA again ti> the bride^ 
gi'oom, aud having piHed a little more upon him, a?^y 
he goe$ again to the bride, and again pilles upon heir : 
Arid fo he goes from the One to the other tiU he has exhauftcd 
upon them his whole ftock of urinei uttering, fiom time to 
tinie, to each of thei*i, the foUowiag good wiihes; * May you 
have a Ion before the etid of the year; may this fon livq to 
be a comfort to yon in yotir dd age; may thb fon prove to 
be a man of courage and a good huntfman/ 

This is the whole cf the nuptial ceremony ; wl49ht)qng 
ovet:, the company rife, and join in preparing the feaA. Tl-*j 
oxen killed upon this occafion they cut into fevcral pieces, 
nnd drcfs them, all at once. Soti^e pieces they boil, the reft 
they roaft. Tlieir method of boiling is like that of the Eu- 
ropeans : but their roaffing is quite another thing, and defen^es 
a circumftantial defcr'^ion^ ' ' 

^ A large ftooe is faflened in the ground in the manner of 
a hearth. On all the forface of this ftone diey make a hntk 
lire, and let it bum till fuch tune as th^y think the ftone fuf- 
#ioiently hot. They then remove the fire, and having, with 
dr handful of grafs, wiped the afhes clean off fixMn the ilc^j 
they put the meat upon it,, which they cover wkh a Asit ftone 
as large as that it lies on ; diey next make a fire itMia^ about 
ffie mesit, and ^another upon the ftone that c&versU; and 
thus it cemtdns till it fa roafled, and this is not kxng4oiilg» as 
**he reader ivill eafily ima^e. The viftuals betng dte&ii^ 

![7i be cancludii in mir next J} 



A dbLLfefcf ittfi t># fe§S AYS; «t& if I 

the men and ■vromert CSk^thenrfyVes, thfe men dp btiimde; 
ihe wdirien od tile cftheir, on the grdnnd; tnd tfie meat ii 
fefved lip td dieni in pots tfiat glitter witli greafe ; femecarry 
knives abqtit them, A^hlch Aey*fiave purdbaftd of the £t;ircH 
t)ean$, stnd ^with M^hidi theycut their rneit. Otbert, ii^ho are 
^ aot ib prdJvided, ttar the viftuidli Miith Aeir fingers ; ^d every 
fcme eats ^th aii aftonifliii|fg rapadty* ^hejr itft the feppeti 
bf their crdiCs, or mantles, for plated ; tod their Ipoons ^e 
moth«'-of-j&c»l, and other lea fttels without handlesi 

The. HottGitot cnftpm, M^hlth ftirWd^ the meil .tcf feat id 

>Company of the M^men, is forthis thhe di^enftd -With, in 

favour of the bttdegroom, Who fits dhdeatsin cOpijAihyof 

the twteeri, biit touches none^df the ,tiftttals :jprepared for 

them, lie has a certain portidn drefied fbr himirdf abne. 

-Dinner being over, the reinainder of the vifhials is fet by foi: 

a fecond eiiterminnient to tlie comply : whence ground 

they ^t 0rt is cleared elf the'^ts and dffaft, they go tofmoak- 

ing of ddcHst, dr tcfcaccd: Baidtl ddrnpaiiy hai one tobftcco- 

japei Pe dr (he that fiH^ It lights it, and l|»vilig t&cfthw> 

er three ^ife, :gives'it tdhis or herneighbtiur. tvhd,, liav-^ 

' tag taken two dr tfir6€ whifi, ^res it to a third, .aW fe tW 

' ppe gde^ round tiH it Is Out, at whicli time it is filled again, 

and given about frbitih^dto hand in thefiihe manner. Great 

^ praiting is maintiwhed ill bdth cbmp^nl^; eViery; tongu^goes^ 

almoft ittceflaudy, they findak ifil thejr become intokic^tcd j 

feme flowing thefmoak. It mhtiediateljr iiirns their htads : 

The mpi-e they fmdtk the mdre thfe nWfe increafei; The 

«cateft part of die night is paflfed iiiiioify, «xtritvagant,prate* 

Towards tbi morning, the brtd«5^octa ffics to the arms of 

•his bride for the .firft tim^, dtidthe cdmi^niesfeparateto 

^- to flecp. The next day, al fodn as theit heads are tole- 

tably fetded, they aflemble, men and Hiiroihen, iti feparate 

companies again. The lafttials they left the day t^efore 9jr6 

again fet before Acm. Tlxey cram ravdioufly. , Wjikt AcJ 

leave is fet by for a meal to the feme mdtttb§ tlie iteXt day. 

They refume the fiiioaking of dacha, or febslcco; ithd pafe 

the time, till near the next mdniing, in tbt^^ ihooherent 

prate and noife as before. 

This is the life they lead from day to-day, tvlthput mind- 

, Ing any bnfinefs, or any other. plcafure,t|[idiey have fah-ly 

devotirid^ the viftuals tlmtiwere drcifedfordiem on the 

; day of marri^e. When that is done, the nuptial fcIHvites 

N n arc 



574 THE FOLJT:^.M^SCELLANY:a 0K, 

are at an jsnd. It is fometbiag rmarkabley that thoi^h tii^ 
Hotteatotsrare great loverf oCvipuiic sa^d daadpg^ theyudmU 
of neither in their fefUvities, Eating, drinking, fmcxddii|^ 
and immoderate prating are the fum total of- every «iter' 
tainment, on ^ccailon of marriage, throughout a)l the 1^- 
tentdt nations* Their driol^ is their ordiiiary. bevcridge, 
which is water and cow's-milkr 

The Hottentots allow of polygamy, up to any,iiu|nb«r 
of wives, that a man is able and, willing to inaiatain.. . A 
certain- traveller fays, that this cuAom obtams qoly^^mong: 
the rich Hottentots ; others fay, that polygamy is often ta 
be met with even amongft the poor. However> thericheft 
have feldom more than, three wives. Marriages betwe^ firft 
and fecond coufms are not allowed by the Hottei^tipts. Tbofe 
who tranlgrefs herein, are condemned by their lxwsjo\i& 
codgel'd to. death. 

With regard to the portions on both fides the Hottentot 
marriage^, the eldeil ion h^erits all the eflate the father dies 
pofleflcd of: But, if an eldeft fon marries while his. father 
is livii^ he ilands no better chance for a fprUide in hin<I> 
than his younger brother's, who are all in that ar^ide at 
the difcredon of the father, if they marry in his life-time; 
and a father feldom gives a iotJ^ for his marriage portion above 
a couple of cows, and a couple of ftieep, with which, be 
muft fliift in the world as well as he can. Upon the death 
'of the father, .. the younger fous are, as to their fortunes, at 
the difcretion of the eldeft, who rarely does any thing hfiter 
for them than what has been faid c^ the father* The.dfiugh- 
ters have feldom any portifon at all; if they have, it.j|$;iot 
above a cow and a couple of flieep; and thefc, , or the like, 
muft be returned to the family fhe belongs t6', in cafe fhe 
ftiould die before {he" has a child. ' _ 

The meb look not for fortunes, or great alliances by mar- 
ri^e. In the choice of their wives, they confider nothing 
Ibut wit, beauty, or agreeablenefs ; fo that it fometime^ hap- 
pens, the daughter of a poor obfcure fcUpw, is married to 
the captain of a kraal, or the chief of a nation. Adultery 
IS punifhed with death among the Hottentdts. Marriage may 
be diflblved among them : A man may be divorced from his 
.wife and a woman from her hu{band, upon aiSgning fuch 
a caufe as. may appear fatisfa(ftory to the men of the kraal 
where they live j who, upon luit to them for relief by divorce, 

hnmediatdy 



A -COXLECTtOM :0 F ESSA tS,^&C.: 275 

fflamedfatdy a^i&ble to h^r and determine die matter. A. 
maa di^rcednfrom his wife, is at liberty to;* marry again 
^vfaencve^ he jrieafcs. But a woman divorced from h^^r huf 
band, is^ not irilorwed to marry agaia during his life^ 

A certain ^traveller tells us, that the bride, ^on die nuptial 
day, ties a gut of an ox or a flieep about the peck of the bride- 
groom, wHb is obliged to wear it there till it rots offi But . 
S»is is oontr^fted by others. "' , • 

WefliaH conclude this account of the marriage ceremonies 
<£ the Hottditdts, oy taking nodce of one very extrordinary- 
cuftom that prevails amongft- them ; which is, that a widow, 
for every hufband fhe marries after the firft, is obUgcd to cut 
off the joint of a finger, ^begitming at pnc of the Kttlc 
fingers. ^ 



ey FILIAL PiETY in FRANCE.. 

IN a great fea-pcMt, in one of the moft dijftant provi;icc« 
of that kingdom, there lived a merchant, who had car- 
ried on trade with equal honour and profperity, till he was 
turned of fifty years of age ; and then, by a fiiddcn feries 
of unexpefted and unavoidable lofles, found himfelf unable 
to coniply with his engagem^ts, and his wife and children, 
in whom he placed his principk happineis, reduced to fiidhi 
a fituation as doubled his diftrefs. 

^ His firip refource in this fad fituation, was the r^cxion, 
that upon the ftrifteft review of his own conduft, nothing 
either of iraquity Or imprudence appeared. He diought it 
bcft therefore to repair to Paris, in order to lay a true ftate 
. of his af&iis before his creditors, that being convinced of 
his honefty, they might be induced^to pity his misfortunes, 
and allow him d^reafimabletpace ot .time to fettle Kis afiairs. 
He was kincHy recdyed by lome, and very civilly by all ; 
from whence he conceived great hopes, which he commu- 
nicated to bis faflfily. But theft were i^edily daflied by the 
cruelty of his principal creditor, who caufcd him tobe feized 
and fen t to a gaol. 

As foon as this melancholy event "Svas knowp in the countrj^ 

his eldeft fon, who was turned of nineteen, lifteiung only 

to the diftates of filial piety, -came poft to Paris, and threw 

himfctf at the feet of the obddrltf^ ^editor, to whom he 

t , N n 2 V . pwoted 



i 



i 



jy*^ TflTE FOLITB MlSCELLANTt o a, 

pinted the dUb«ft of the family, tot tfafc moft-fiithe^^iptii^r 
but withoat eiieft. At length, in die greatdb^qny di' Ai^» 
he faidi ^' Sir, fince you think noth^iig can compctt&btfy» 
your Jofii, but a viftim, let yqur refentmenr devisAireup0o 
n^« Let it^e fufib- inftesd of my^ther, and t)^ mHeFie^ 
of a priioD ^)|til feem lig^t |n procuring the liberty qf a^paremt 
to donfole die fprrows of the diftnUEM and d^jefVed £iiiiiii|pr 
that I have left beMnd me. Thus, Sir, ypu iijibfrrisfy your 
vengeance, withopt ibl!ngthdrirretrieviu|erntin.?' Ahdtben 
his tears and fighs ftopped his utterance. 

His fadier's creditor beheld him upon bis knee; imiKreoq** 
ditk>n, for a fall quarter cf an hour. He then fttnnly bid ' 
him rife and fit down, which he^cibcyed. The gendeman 
then walked from one cqmer of the rqom to the others in 
great agitadon of nund, for about the fame fpace of time. 
At length, throwng his arms about the ypung man's nedt,; 
i* I find, iaid he, mere is yet ibmetMn^ nu>re y^vaiAt diai^ 
money: I have an only daughtjer, for whole fafe I have the 
uimoil anxiety. I jnir reiblved tor fijt it; in i|iarr]4ngf^yoi( 
(he mi^ft be teppy. Go, carry your fafher*s diidiai^i 
afk his coofent, bring him inilant|y hither, and {et us b«ry it^ 
the joy of this alliance,, all remembrance of wbathas formeriy 
happened/^ Thus the gencrqus gratitude pf the foi relieved 
the calamity of the wbrriiy fatbo^. The mlaniriib had^con- 
fidered i^alth and fta|fpinefs as {ynboimous terms, was free4 
from that fatal error! and Providence vmdicated the manneit 
of its prbceccfing, by thus Bringing light out of diurknels^ 
and throu^ a (hort fbcnd df mifey, rcwardfeda virtuoua 
family with Jaffing peace, in thr enjoyment of tiat fro^rity 
whfch they ib wcU dcftrTcdi, ' 



A PAHEOYRIG nfm fiiM1?A»r^ fnm Mr. Ocititit'i 
Poan of Prqvid^ioc; being the condiffim (ftiioak L 

YET not p% nature ^^d tJife general tnt^ 
Of impcrfedion. On f6rac haf^lcr ditties 
The hand of Heav'n hath fliower*d its richeft f^h, 
Profufe of bounty. Thougl^ the JoScy grape ' 
Temj[)t not the lip of hitury, the pSne 
Feels npt the fcorching {vi$, not on the beu^ 
Hangs j^thed in mandifl(g gGSd> and ripe Co taftej^ 
The ifidiiw orangp : Yet their fhuas can boaft . ^ 



Jk COLLECT 1(5^11 OP £S8AV% *^f , , 9^. 

fi nobler produce. In your blif^ful ifle 

Cayplemy rdgosKAfq^dtog as hefpoke , 

Fi^om the blew decp^ to my tranlported gaze 

Rofc the vrhUe dUFs of JUbi^^ Hail! beloyed 

Of he»y'4tt (withj<^. exdfuffi^'d th' ' Inraptured Sire) 

Britaopi^'h^l 4J! from the world disjoin^dv 

As nature'^ hand J:ia4 form'd the fc^t retr^t 

Pf happi?i8fc andlove ! No feveruig iiin 

plafts thy g3|y m^ads ; Uo deep volcano boils 

With inward fire; nor thorough the cave beneath 

Walks^ the dire, earthquakes The tremendous fhock, 

rrh«t 6x9!9i t|ie^ lopfe bafe heaves the works of man, 

Juft vibrates on thy bofpm ; as the voice 

QfHi^BXkt thunder/ rooves^ the treipbling ground. 

And murmurs in the air. Thy fields rejoide 

With cheerful plenty. On yon waving plaid 

I fee the Gqddeis walk, EDer loofened robe 

Floats on the gal<$ re^dujpidant : On her cheek 

la full luxiiffance fwells the blufhix^ fpnng. 

And foeats her breath Ayith myrth. Mark how flxe rears 

Her horn aloft, and liberal o'er the field 

J^purs fQT^ hejr tre^fures. Man's enlivened fbuL 

And all the groves are tranfport. Hark the voice 

Of mufic warbles from the bough! The hind 

Feels his heartt leaping as he kx)ks around; 

And joy^s bright beam burils bouadkfs o'er his mind. 

Tkdk are Se UeiCngs heaven's aU-bofMiteott^ha^d 
Sl|5>wera o^ ha? favourite ifle. Thrice happy diey. 
Who, know their worth, and kindly at; the vicw> 
With bve, with gratitude adore the power. 
Who (hapes this wondrous firame, and wrought its parts . 
To fuch perfe£tioQ ; not lefs beauteous form'd 
His moral plan. But tliis to trace at large 
Requires a fitter feafoB;. The flov;rfua 
Already fmks behind you crimfom'd cbud 
And gives the world to si^t. Qgick as he fsid. 
The landfkape languished. From the gazing eye^ 
Lawns, viUa^, vines, and vifionary vales 
Immediate fled; and noug|it remoin'd ajxvund, 
lint the bkak mounta«E^» and. the peaceful ^. 



fHOUCHTS 



27S THE POLITE MISCELLANY: o *, 



THOUGHTS vpm SEVERAL SUBJECTS. 

HONOUR attends all lands of excellence. Riches and 
bravery, and parts, are. all alike honoured by the mijd- 
tude; and the pofleflbrs are feverally capable of taftingthe 
pleafurcs refulting from them : But the jJeafure which refults 
from contemplation, the philofopher only is capable of tailing. 
The foul, abftrafted from its paffions, is of aremifsand 
fedentary nature, flow in its rcfolves, and languid in its 
executions. The ufe, therefore, of the pa/Eons, ought to 
be to ftir the foul to action to awaken the nnderftaoding, and 
to inforce the will to good purpofes. 

There is pleafure, in tender fenfations, wMch far furpafles 
any the ill-natured are capable of tailing. 

The happinefs and apparent power, which luxury, for 
a time, imparts to nations, -may be compared to thofe violent 
fevers, from which, during the paroxyfins, the patient derives 
an aftonilhing ftrength, and feem to augment' his powers only 
to deprive him at once, when the fit is over, both of his 
ftrength and life: For indeed the epocha of the height of 
luxury, in a nation, is generally theepocha preceding its faU 
or abafement. 

All the afFeftions of men may be deduced from their 
originals, hunger, thirft, and luft; the modeft Enjoyment 
of all thefe is virtue, and the excefs \dce. 

A greater judgment cannot befal a country, than a divifidn 
that rends its people into parties, which are greaterenemi^ 
to one another; than if they were of different nations^ This 
fpoiis good neighbourhood, makes honefl gentlemen hate one 
another, and manifeftly tends to the deftrudlion of all fociety. 
People of moderate parts commonly condemn every thing 
that is beyond their reach. ' 

A prince of capacity fills all pofts in his ftate with men 
of eminent abilities, and his choice muft be'good, becaufe he 
can only prefer perfbns of a fimilar genius to his own. On 
the contrary, a weak prince entertains fuch as refemble him, , 
jand thus generally makes a bad choice. The people, who 
cannot peribnally know their matter, judge of him from 
the talents of thofe he employs, (^een Chriflina ufed toA 
fay, that, under a fhipid monarch, the whole cpurt is, or 
will bccpm^ fuch. 

Truth 



A G91-LEGTION.OF:E9SAys, &Q^ ' ^^ 

Trutli ]^ never p^ceivcd bm in the ferment of f^t^^ry 
opinion?.. . ; ^' ^ ^ . :a > :? 

Where men of parts have beea bred to fedeotiry fliec^uiip 
employment^/ they have feldom f^Uowed that bufmefcloiger 
than thdr. apgrenticcftdps obiig^ them> if ^ loQg; ^dar 
minds being. to6 aftive ifor their ftation, they (cart frpjn di^eir 
ihof>?boanJs, ekin^p, 'mo higher or more ufefuiftatio^is, ois elfe 
jntoidlenefe and mifchief, according to. their diipofitiQjjfl. . ? 
, A good ma'^ Avijl, have his eye more upcHi the virtues^ 
his children, than on their advancement in'wealdi;.>and the . 
fiirvivorlhip of a worthy man; in his fon, ; is a pkafur«:not 
inferior to that of a continuance of his own life. 
« Wbo'can^'refGue him from error, when vanity, the: com- 
panion of ignorance, has tied him to it, and rendered it 4ajj: ^ 
to him. ' ; / :.. V 

Political covTuptlon prefeges, or is a preparative, to tji/s 
rtiin of any ftate oc empire. It is eafily known whoji indi- 
viduals begin to feparate their intereft from that of the pub- 
lic; and, whai .once it takes root, the people of fuch a cor- 
rupt ftate jjiuft neceflarily be unhappy at home, 4nd littk 
feared abroad. Then the duration of the ftate^ becomes infeo- 
fibly more and more precarious, and it is chance, .whicji either 
delays or haft^i? the fall of it. - ,, v -,'? 

It is only from the aftions of men, that the public can 
judge of their probity. . 

. , A man, that is young in years, niay beold in hour% if 
he has loft no time. 

. To fee a' father treating his fon like an elder brother ; 
and to fee Ions covet their fatter's company and converfation, 
^becaufe they think him the wifeft and moft agreeable man 
of their acquaintance, is the moft amiable pifture the eye 
can behold : It is a tranfplanted felf-love, as facred as friend- 
fhip, as pleafumble as love, and as joyous, as religion* ' . 

Old-age is remarkable for wifdom or folly, according as 
5aen have fperlt their youth. Nothing is more agreeable thaa 
a chearful fenfible old man ; and nothing is more irkfcxnc than 
an old tedious ft(;»7-teller. 

Moralifts have long fince obferved novelty to be the fource 
of admirations^ which leflens in proportion to pur familiarity 
'wkh objeds ; and, upon a thorou^ acquaintance, is utterly 
cxtinguifhed. 

Love 



1 



stfSo t-ttfe tOLtTE MlSCfcLLANY: dn^ 

LoT€ God, lore yourfdf, love y<Hir frfteW-creaturc^^ 
theie are all your obligations: The firft produces i^ety, tl^ 
^kaxid ^imii tke third fo^l trirmes. 

Women have no approbation of our fex,^ without feme 
idmree of- bve ; this ^^robation is ibon^ improved into kind- 
am, and kindnefs into pafTioni 

The full ears of corn, which bend theh: heads, «pre6 
the ftiodeft diffidence of real knowledge; ftnd thc3fc4iiipty 
«aes> which fhmd above the reft, Ihew die confidence (^ ig* 
^ortfi<le« 

He that tells a lye muft invent twenty mofe to main- 
tain it. 

The Trendi are wifer* than they feeto, and the Spaiiiards 
^fisem-wifer than they are* 

The ufe of piftures is either to pve one agreeable ideas 
of ifhcir abfent friends, or high ideas of eihintiit periods. 

Adverfity frightens not away our friends, but dyperies 
-the pretended otaes. 

Example is a dangerous rulc» if pbiiriy fdHoWed^. fbrit is 
•with example as with counfels, in Order to improve fey Acnij 
-WB<)u^t to^have kndwledge^enough to fix their right ^mtee. 

Amaiis eftablifhed a law in Egypt, that etery Eggrjptiafi 
fliould aftually declare before the govertiorof ^ provaa'ce, 
% Avhfet. means he tnaintained himfelf. The ne^lcft of this 
was punifhed wth death. This law Sokm .introducedaU^ 
Athens, ^efe it was invidably preferred as a moft eqttfeiblc 
conftitutjoni 

It is the bkdkeft mgi^ritnde to accept the bcft of atiyl^'s- 
^endeavours to pleafe you^ and repay it With indiiFeitence. 

It- requires ^;reiater tdcnts to fill lip and bec6rrie a rcdred 
4ifc, than •one Of bufmefs* There are few %tp know tow 
to' -be idle and innocent; To be well emplc^d W%^ fifeft 
guard to- innocence^ 

Monfreur Pafchal, in his treatife on the mifer^ tf irian, 
4iiys, that dl Our endeavours after greathc& |3>ro^ce<l from 
notlwng but a defn-e of being furrounded i3y a JnuWtude'if 
perfons and affairs, that may hinder us ffttn kblong ^tb 
ourfelves, which Is a view We cannot bear. * . . . 

He, 1«4io would be difci^et, andaim atpra^licabWAta^ 
ilioiild turn his thoughts upon allaying his pain, )nama 
than promoting his joy; forgreat inquietude may be avoided/ 
i>nt great felicity is not to be attained. 



A cdLLECTION OP ESSAYS,.&c. i^i 



The NATURAL H I STOkr if ELEPHANTS. 

Hn HE ElefJutat is tfic laf^fl of all qiiadruiJeds, and at - 
JL creature in maiiy re^fts dcfervinff our attention. 
Great hiimbcrs of thele ammials arc found in feveral parts 
6f the fe^ft-Indie^, and arc ufually from ei^ht to tibirtccn 
feet in height (thoiig^ Ibme 6dk of fixtfeen ot eighteen feet) 
and their backs are five or fix feet bro'kd, arid fomewhat pro- 
tuberant. The Elephant has' ^ roiind tfiick body, a large 
Ihort head, arid i mort neck/ sC long probofdsV friout, or 
trunk, hanging almoft dWrn to' the ground ; a Kttle narrow 
mouth, vdth two long tuflcs proceeding from the upper jaw, 
pne (Ml each fide of the prqbofos, befides four ftrong grinders 
in each jaW, firiall piercing eyes, large flat ears, and a long 
tail. Its legs are found and thick, fiipp6rfing its vaft weight, 
like fo many columns ; and its feet are (hort, thbfe before 
being broader aid rduriaer than ^thofe befiihd, each of them 
defended by four hoofs. Its flcin is ^ery hard, d^Jcdally OD 
^ bre^ft; Its colour is generally dtilfey or blade, but there 
is a white Ipecies not fb common as the others. 

The probofcis of trunk of the Elephant is of fuch a ftruc- 
hire, that fie can eafterid oir contraJft, dilate, raiffe or dcprefi^ 
^hd bend or twifi: It abbut at ple^frire^ Sometimes he xnakes 
it of a concave, fbmetimes of a convesi^ fbl-m ; now doubles 
it, again expands it,, arid in rfioft, ttirris it rdilnd every way 
mth' fu'rprifing a^ty. B^ this* member he takes in his 
meat ^d dririk, sOnd conveys them to his mouth; by this he 
takes up a va(^ Weight, levels trees, and makes ufe of it as 
a hand upon all occafions, and it likewife ferves for the pur- 
pt»ies of fmellingand reipiration. 

. It is really wonderful to obferve how nimbly the Elephant 
moves his trunk, confidering its buflc, beirijg fohietimes fix: 
6r feven feet long, arid three or nloi-Q m cii-cutriference at its' 
origin,. but growing fn^a^r fix)m thence to its extretfdty. 
The Ihortncls of the Eliephant's neck is (ioriipen&ted by the 
length of this member, which' pK Derham fays is fo admira- 
bly contrived, fo curioufly wrought, and appli^ with fo much 
aj^tjr and rCadinefs by that unwicldly creature to its ieveral 
bccaiibns, that be thinks it a manifeft inftaride of idx^ Crea- 
tors waaom. i 

j^; ..V 

N a ^ The 



.232 THIS roX-lTE MISCELLANY: c/ir^ 

The prcfcofcis is Hkewife of fingular fcrv iceto the She-ete* 
ph^aria bringing ivp^ h^r young; Jor it is very remarkable^ 
that the old oiic fucks heifclf, and by means of her trunk 
conveys the. milK- into Mic mouth of !j>e young one. And 
herein we may obfcrve the wife contrivance of the Author of 
Nature, the nipples of . the Elephant being placed abouf the 
breaft, and not near the hinder legs, as in mares, cows, f^d 
ochcr quadrupeds; for the jjouhg Elephant not being ^lie 
to fuck its dam, by reaico of the pofition of its mouth uiideir 
the probofcis,. die nsppjies /are.fituated C> as to Be r^atched 
by the mouth ,ot* t;he dam, and thereby proyifipn Afi^e for 
the nourifhment of her offspring. 

The griadcrs of the, Elephant, are of fuch a thickntfSf 
both in the, upper and lower jaw, as . contributes fo readpr 
the /mouth narrow; nor need it be broader, .becaule the 
ftrength of the grinders is io great, as to commuukatc ihe 
aliments at once, in fuch a manner, that they do not xpant 
9o be moved to and, fro in the mouth, in order to he JfMt)ter 
mafticate4, as i^ ufual with other animals; and therefci^e the 
tongue is fmall, ft^ort, and rou^d, not thin or flat, jTsman 

ox, and has a fiuooth fqrface. rAsto the tufks of the 

Elephant, which are what wq call ivory, the mde has larger 
than the female, fome of them being jeven or c%ht feet 
long, and weighing a hundred, a hundred and forty, era 
hundred anid hfty. pounds •,, infomuch that Taycrnier til)s.us 
they make door-pofts (rf' tticm in the Indies^' ..TOi' it is related, 
that in the kiirgdom^pf L^os they /make &nces with jthcm 
pound the gardens- The lame ti'aycller fays, ;that the ple- 
phants •of' Ceylon,, have . no tufks, excejpt tke^ft wjiichthc 
fefnale produces; aad^is f^ms to lp€^coisftrmediby»Mr. 
Knox in his accouirr of that iffand, vriioTiySf 'tSat:|(pWf]Ele' 
. phants thorc have tufks> .^nd thofc only the.TTi^iUs. 

Hidary informs us, that Elephants. wei:e..iyedrin;i^^ 
' Ae antieots, auj fa th^y are at this day.by ifei^jji:^^ 
Indian princes. 

This animal, bemg of . great bulk atid fli^e^tfii. ;^»s .Jwfie-^ 
"fiaics made great havock aiBongrt .an eik'my'in d^^^ 
.fcattlc; but whether l^ny (^ th^m-virtrc^^r^eTS^^ 
' . carry tliirty-two fighting men on t;heir backs,^^as, E?* r4a|«^^ 
';t .Macpab. vi. 37, befides Aman to,g6yerri'th^m,J^j^ 
' fb be doubted. It is more probable, as tome] J^capijis^'iw 
^ve obfervedi that fome error has crept iijito fhe unprefnoh: 

/ for 



1 



for tiioug^ Philoftratus fpeaks of tensor fifteen Indians figlu- 
ing .with darts iivcaftte 5a tHebackJof'Ef^lAntii ainf Pau- 
lus Fitteta fays, that in the<5ingep ilfends they have wooden 
caftles on Elephants backs, gontainln^ fifteen or twenty men, 
.yet cveo tbde appear to t)c romantic t5 Bochart, infd to M 
v^ho are capabkofjod^n^ in tps matter. We rather be- 
lieve (with Mr. Blair) what Helidoru^ fcys, that the towers 
on the ^acks of /Elephants contained fix figjhting n«n, who . 
threw darts from eacli fide; or what Gadamiifius relates, 
tji^t the towers held diree or four warriors ; which accounts ^ 
agree well enough with what Elian fays upon the fubjeft, 
,;and with the ufual weight and bulk of the animal. 

'T'avemier was told, that the Great Mogul kept thr^de or 
four thoufand Elephants; but the chief mafter affuitd? him 
that he had not above five hundred, which -were kept to 
carry women, tents, &c. and eighty or ninenr for war. This 
indeed is a gr^at number of tame ones ; m)m whence we 
may conclude there is a vaft number of wild ones in his do- 
minions, befides thofe in other parts of th<! Indies, particu- , 
larly in the kingdom of Pegu, where we read of one thou- 
sand taken at one hunting; but we are af« tothiokfoiAe 
abatement ftioqld be made on this account. 

The natural food of "Ae Elephant is graft, and when that 
is^ wanting, they dig up roots widi their tuft-s. Thcy^havc 
a very acut€ fenfe pf fnj^fflng, whereby they reaffily find out 
their food, and avoid ail noxious herbage. When they are 
tamed, they eat toy, oats, barley, or fndi food as horfes and 
^oxen do; and they drink clear -water^ really enough, tho- 
they naturally afFeft that xvhicli' i? muddy*. ^ They , drink a 
vaft quantity, fiKkling it up by thfe trunk,- as we have al- 
ready hinted, and thence conveying it to the mouth. It ap- 
pears to haVe been a <:uftom t6 ,^ve them fpirituoiis liquors 
when they went to battle, in order to make them drtmk and 
furious. * ;« 

The Elephant is feidtb live to a great age, even Ida hlto- 
dred and twenty, nvo hundred, 6r three hiindred years; 
nay,^ there ar^ fome who affirm that they live to be five hun- ' * 
dred years old, and that at two hundred years they are full * 
of ftrength and vigour. Some of theTc reports exceed all ^ 
prbb^biiity, though the longevity of the animal is not dif- 
puted. Tkvemibr, who tntVeHcn iftto India, tells us he cduld 

O o 2 never* 

{To be concluded in our next^ 



384 THE ?OLITS M|SCSLMNTs pf. 
An Account ^ tht T>it^yn%t i^ Opm^jisst ^ 

AT the bq^oniog of dse bft century, ^ Don Coffiick, 
named Yarmak, bang ooGgcd by Ibme acddent tq 
leave his nadye country, ^ tiaidag i^o nieans of fubfiflence, 
he joined mdi a few accomplice/ ^hq took to robbbg 
on the highly. \ He foon become fjunpus and . poweff ul, 
for he rqbbea tuoXy the ri(;h, and, by a generoilty uncqaimpQ 
in fuch a pharaAer, liberally beflowed to jfucb as were in 
want. He never kjUec), qr even hurt any perfon, unl<£ 
compelled tq fuch outrages in hif own defepce. This beha- 
viour io raped his reputation, that* all t|ie idle fellows ia 
the country enlifted themfelves |n his gang, and he became 
at laft fq trqublefome (bat the governors of the ibuthem 
provinces lent out troops tq apprehend him; but he being 
informed of tli^eir deflgn, widbdirew from ttjc lapd, and pro- 
curing boats up<^ th^ Volg^ commenced pirate. Being 
attacked here ^, b^ was forced tq cxojs the C^paip i(ea 
and Qielter him&li on the Periian ihqrQ»' where be {Rifled 
for a merchant. Being again difcovered» be was obliged 
by the PerAai^ tq quit their cqaft; and pow his only refuge 
vras to retrnrn to 4e Volga, where be behaved with great 
drcumTpeftioD, qttqi lurking in woods and villages: And, 
being in no want of money, be paid liberally for every ^fhing 
he needed. Foreieeing, however, that fuch a nuiperous gang . 
could not be Iqpg concealed, he took the refolution of leav- 
ing the Vdiga and fteered bis ceurie up the river Kama, at 
that time littlq frequ^nt^ by |t\e^ Rijflian^, or any odier. 
nation; here he bqped to ^d, ^t Icaft, a l^e retreat du- 
ring the winter. Y^rnaak, therefore, w^th hi^ follqwers,. 
amounting to 200, cc^dnued their voyage up the pama, dU 
they were ftopped by tlie ice, at no great dilbnce fir^ a 
large vil]age. The inbabitapts wer^ i^larmed at the fight qf 
fo many armed men, whpm they were not able tp oppoie, 
0!ey therefore gave thcn^ a bolpitable reception, Yannak 
demanded (xily proviiions and winter-quarters for his meq, 
nromifing tq leaye them unmqlcflied in the fpring. Ip cpnfth 
quence of tins declaration, he and ius ifollpwers pafled the; 
winter very quietly in that remote place; afraid, however, 
at \\it approach ot fummer, of being difcovered by the go^ 
" vemment 



4 pOLLECTlOl)! OF, ESSAYS^ &c. 285 

ycmmcnt, aipi<J uncertain yrfiat courfe' to ftcer, it wa» at 
laft determined to crofs the mountain of Vcrchaturia, and 
go the eaftward, in hopes^ of finding Tome uninhabited coun- 
tlry, at icaft a fafe retreat 

flavihg pafled tiiie mounts, they arrived at the river Tur : 
andy finding it riavigabie^ loon made a fufiicient number of 
canoes fo|: dip whole gang. After rowing for fome days 
down tjic Twr, tfjey difcbvered'fevcral villages of Mahometan 
Tartars, who were furprized at thd fight of fuch a number 
of {{rangers, of whom they had never before fb much as 
heard. Yarmak having got what intelligence he could pro- 
cure of the fituation and government of the country, pur- 
fued his voyage to the river Tobol; where he found tb€» 
towns populous, and the lai;id well cultivated. His approach 
alarmed the kijig of the Tartars, Tyhp aflembled a numerous 
body of horfe and foot, armed with bows and arrows, and 
lances, and other fuch weapons, with \rfK)m our adventurer 
had many fkirmiflies, and defeated great multitudes bymeans 
of his fire-arms, which had never before been known in 
thefe parts. ^ The poor Tartars were as much amazed and 
terrified at the fight of the Ruffians and their arms, as^ the 
inhaUtants of Mexico on the arrival of the Spaniards in 
America, to which Siberia may, in many refpefts^ he com-- 
j^ared. 

Yarmak findjpg his enemies daily more numerous, the 
nearer he approached the refidence oiF the Tartar king; hav- 
ing alio loft many of his men in continual encounters, and 
fpent tJie greateft part of his ammunition, knowing, befides, 
pi noplace of fafcty, where he might pafs the winter, which ^ 
IS both long and fevefe in this quarter, he at laft determined to 
retreat. He therefore fteercd his courfe to the weft, up the^ 
Tobol; and Tur rivers. The Tartars gave him no reft/ 
but harrafled him perpetually frpm the ^k. He himfelf, 
and a few more efcaped widi a confiderable Txx>ty and re- 
turned to flie village where they wintered before. The inha- 
bitants, on feeing the rich furs and other (polls ffiVQ them 
m welcome reception; and Yarmak did not fqrgpt to dilpenfe 
his favours liberally among thofe yrho had enJtortained him 
in his difhefs, when he fled from juftice. 

Our adventurer had noW time to refleft on his miferable 

circumftances. He confidcred, that his lurking in thefe 

parts, though jronote from any town, could not be long 

* kept 



i 



:i26 THl POLITE MISCELLANY: o if. 

kept a fccrct; to make another attempt againft the Tartar* 
with a handful' rf men, ill provided with arms and ammn- 
cition, might perhaps be ruinous,* and qcrt^inly unfuccelsful. 
He therefore rcfdved to f»bmit himfelf to the Czar's cle- 
rtieiicy, in hope* of obtaining a pardon for himfelf and his 
accomplices, on condition of pointing out the way to^ rich 
and caly conqucft of a country wMch he had diftovered* 
The proppfal was made at court by a friend, and was of 
too great itnportance, to be ncgkfted. Ip (hort, TanriaJf was 
brought to Mofcow under a lafc conduft, whete he Com- 
municated the whole affair. He be^ed his nSajefty's pardon, 
and afked a certain number of troops, which he prbmifed 
to lead to a g^rious conqucft. His majefty granted him a 
pardon, approved of the expedition, and gave orders for 
the troops to attend him^ They marched to Solikamfkl, 
where they paf&d the winter Ja nakihg prepirationi for their 
cnterprize. 

During this interval, Yarirtak behaved with furprlfing 
prudence and aftivity, which diicovcred birii to be a pcrfon of 
uncommon genius. He collefted fuch of his forrtier fol- 
lowers as remained, and formed' them into a coriipany, in 
whom he could confide on all occafions. 

At the proper feafon, the troops fet oiit towards "Siberia, 
Qn coming into the inhaWted part of the country,- they found 
maiiy ftraggling parties of Tartars in arms, ready to oppofe 
them, and a number of boats upon the rivers fnll of armed 
men; the king of the Tartars Wmfelf was on board one of 
thefe veflels." This expedition was of fhbrt duration, and 
fully anfwered the expedations of the Ruffiins, The Tar- 
tars in the boats, being purfued by the Ruffians, a battle 
enfued on the river Irtiftu Yarmak obferving the king's barge, 
ordered his crew to board her, which he endeavouring to 
do at the head of his men, jumped fhort, fell into the rivo-, 
and was drowned, to tlic great grief of all his follower^. 
Thus fell poor Yarmak! Notwithftanding this misfortune, 
the Ruffians gained a compleat viftory. The brave king of 
the Tartars loft his life alto in the aftibn. His Ton, and the 
reft oSthe royal' family, were taken prifoners, arid Tent to 
l^.lofcow, where they were honourably received by the Czar, 
and treated according to their quality. The prince had an 
^xteniive property granted him in Ruffia, which the family 
no^ ;enjoys, together with ;hc title of Sibirflcy Csj^arewitz, 
or prince of* Siberia* INTRO- 



I 



A COLLECTION OF ESSAYS, &e. jg? 

iNTRdnVCTiaK'to GOTHAM, a >oeM. 
BpoK\Iir;. ify .C..CHyiicHiLL. 

HOW mvich^itujf^ten are die men, who think, 
That all who Hvill, yridiout reftrsiiaC way. ^'voiki 
May largely drink, e'en till their bowels butft, .. 
Pleading no righ|: biit merely that of thirft, • 
At the pure waters of the living Veil, 
Befidetwhofe ftr^ims die ^tusEs.]oveVtQ dwc^^^ 
Verfe k with then\ a Jcpack, an i41e toy, ' .^i 
A rattle ©Ided o'er, on. wliich a boy / 

May play untaught, .^vhilft, witfiiout art oc force, 
^Iake it but jingle, Tytufic comes, of CQurfe. 

Little do fuch men k6bw the toil, the paiqs. 
The daily^ nighdy racking of the brains. 
To range the thoughts, the matter to digeid, 
To cult fit phrafcs, and rcj<jft the reft, . * 

To know the times when Humour, on Ac cheek 
Of Mirth may hold.her fports, when Wit fliould Ipeak, 
And when be filent; when to ufe,thc pow'rs 
Of.Oraapient andhow to jpbce thc/Jiow'rs, 
So that they .neith.er. givq a tawdry gl^e, 
Nor wafte th^ jwj^etn^ft ia die drfart .air ; 
To form (which few can do,, ani fcarcdy one. 
One Cridck in,M.age pa. ghd, whett,(t»c) 
To form a pbn,. to^flrikc,a grgpd Oo^iJ, ' r^V . 

To fill it up, aqd. nvake ^the :piaurerf|jae ' 
A full,, and.pcrlje^ piec^; Jto^pakc coj^fifldc 
Renounce her f<SIl«i, w^ with icplqj^ecpjfj^ 
To make pj'QudljfeiJe^ft«]ift,Iiirf^ 
And wear the ctatos of. rime,, yet jc^llihpf &ipnd# 

Some If qps^dij^re are, .s^^MMgftlhcJ^ XxJbtf 

Who make it^all tWr ^'ififiw^t^ 

No jmat^ter tlifhethpr^ in, or w^of 'pte<qe ; ... 

Studious of feif^,. ?uad fph^H .|«(:e. 

Alike they triinr ^s;^X(pnD( fy 

The rags of bj^jK^'s, ,^i;%i 

Letdua^r^/n/OUJi%tPpr^ . 

0*er hcf tfuli childreti, Dat]ur^ ^^•'^f^eg^ Sp53c, 

Wild native, whodt random bfeaks 'the fence 

Of thofe tame drudges Judgment y T^e, and Senji, 




iiu "tut OOLITE MISCELlANV: oki 

Nor would fpi^give hcrfelf the nqighty OFiiae 
CHF keeping terms with Per/en, Place, and Hme. 

Let liquid gpld emblaze the Sun at noon, 
tVith borrowed beams let Silver pak the Moon^ 
Let furges hoar/e lafti the relounding (hore, 
Let ftreams meander, and let Torrents roar. 
Let them breed up the w^Azwr*o/|; breeie 
To Jigh 'withfighing, fob tvith fobbing trees. 
Let ralcs^ embroidery wear, let dow*^ be tin^d 
With various tints, fet clouds te lac^d^fringd. 
They have their wifh; Uke idle monarch boys, 
N^efting things of weight, they figh for toys ; 
Give filelii the crown, the fceptre, and the robe, 
Who will may talfe the pow'r, and rule the gbbe. 

Others there are, who, in one fblemn pace. 
With as mudi zeal, as Quakers rail at late. 
Railing at needful Ornament, depend 
On fcnfe to bring them to their jo'umey's end. 
They would not (Heav'n forbid) their courfe delay, 
Kor ibi a n^oment ftep out of the way, 
To make the barren road thofe graces wear, 
tV^hich nature would, !f pleas'd have planted there. 

Vain men ! who blindly thwarting nature's plan 
Ne'er find k paflage to tht heart of toati ; 
Who, bred 'mong fogs in Academic land, 
Sccmh ev'ry thing they do mot underfland • 
llVho, deftitute of humour. Wit, and taftc. 
Let aJl their little knowledge run to' watte. 
And fruftriate each good purpofe, whilft they Wdat 
^he robes of learning with a floven's air. 
Tho' folid reas'ning arms each fierling line, 
Tho* rfruth dedares aloud, * This work is mine.* 
Vice, whilft from page to page dull modils dreep, 
Throws by the took, and virtue falls alleep. 

Senfc mere, dull, formal fenfe in this gay tovi^ 
JMuft have fomc vehicle to pafs her down, 
.Nor can (he for an hour enfure her reign, 
Unlefe fhtf brings feir pleaiure in her train. 
Let her, froBi day to day, from year to year; 
In tU her grave folemnities appear, 

Anrf,' 

{To he concluded in oiir next J} 



4 i:bbL]^cTi6i)i ot* kssAv^i^c; il$ 

^07iclufan of GUhainj Bo6k II. aPbem, ly Ci C^utHkih 

And, with the volcse of trumpets^ through the ftrfeetS 

t)eal leftures out to eV'ry caie (he mects> 

Half whd pafs by are deaf, and fbtherhalf 

Can hear Indeed, but only hear to laugh. ' 

Quit then, ye gravef fdns of letter'd pride; 
Taking for <^c experience as 4 guides 
Quit this grand Error, this dull Coilege rfidde ; 
Be your piirfuits the fame, but cliange the rdad j 
Write, dr at leaft appear to Write with ^e; 
And, if you nieari td profit, learn to pleafe; .^ 

In vain for fuch miftakes they paroon clainfii^ 
Becaufe they \*^ield the pert in Virtue*s name. 
Thrice facred is that name, thrice blefsU^ the inari ' 
Who.thioks, fbeaks, yrrites, and Uves^dnfiidiapkbi^ 
This, inhimfelf, himfelf of tdurfeniiiftbfefei/ ' 

But cartel with the tvorld prdmbte fudcrfs; ■ - '- ^ 
He may be ftrofng, but^^ith effect to^fpeiki • 
Should recoiled! his readers? may be weak^j . . 
Plain, rigid truths^ whkh 'faints with cc^fertfeiaf/ 
Will make ^e ftnner irettible^ ttiid de§)air; 5: - ' '' '■ ^ ■ 
True virtue a<rtifricto' lch?^,arfd' tliegcear^^ 
At which ike ndblyaim^, i§ to amend; > ,'■'' ; 
HoAy. then dd thdfe miflake,- ixrha ami her taws'^^ -' 
With rigdur mt thdr dwri / ^d htirt the 6atufs. 
They mean to help, WhMt wM i zealdt ra^ 
They matce tha« gdddtfg, iii4i6m they'd haftre eftg^ 
Our deareft loVe, In lMe6u» 4crr42te fife 1 . » 
Such maybe hc^ieft, but &ey tAti^t ii> ^rife; 

In her own {ti&y^l)d pei^ic&^iij^ ^ 

Virtue breaks forth.ti^m-dbgfdrlftima^fw^tJ'^ '"- 
The fiazzled eye," that nice bot weaker fenfe/.'^ ^ T 

Shutd herM i^ in dailadS -^for drfence, ^ '■:■ ' * ^ ' 
But, to majce ftroiig ccoviftidti d^fftt/fiak/ ' ' ' 
To make the csHiofa^ feel, the ^oii^tlef$ tffink; 
like G^D made man, ffie kyshef^fo^yl^^ ' 
And beatns mild cdmfdr4^ bn the ravifli'd tjt. 
in earneft mdi» wh^ft inoft flie "fytmi in jeft/ 
She worms imb, 4nd >^^s: around the brekft, 
'to conquer ^^^ of vice appeeurs At friend^ 
And feem^ imlike ha(^tf to'galfl her 4»d; • 

■= f^' 3?;p :■-•■■ Tto. 



^^ tftfi POLITE MISCELtANYs/^UV 

The fons of fin, to while a\^ay the time 

Which lingers on their hands, <5f each black cxva^ . 

To hu(h the painful memory, • and keep 

The tyrant cbbfcience in delufive fleep, 

Read on at random, not fufpeft the dart 

Until they find it roo:cd in their heart. 

^Gaitift vice they give their vote, nor know at fifft 

If'hftt, curfibg that, themfclves toa. they have curs'dy 

They fee not, till they fall into the &ares>. 

Deluded ioto virtue unawares. • . ' , 

/Thus tjiefhrewd doftor, in the fplecn-ftruck mlncl - 

When pregnant horror fits, and broods o'er wind, 

Pifcai;ding drugs, and ftriting how to pleaie, ,: . 

Lures oi\ infcniibly, by flow degrees, 

The patient to thcrfe manly fports^, which bind 

The flaeken'd finews, and jfelieve the mind; 

The patient feel»a>diange as wrought by ftealtb,* , • 

And won4«raf on demand to find it health. . j- 

Some few, whom fate ordain'd to deal in rimes 
In other lands, and here in othef times. 
Whom, waiting at their birth-, the Midwife Muss 
Sprinktel.all over with Gaft'alian dews, 
To whom true Genius gave his^ magic peft, 
Whom AnT by juft d^ees led up to men, 
Some, few, extreme* "#ell-fhuntfd, have £leer*d between^ 
Thefe dan^rous- rocks, and held the golden mean, 
Sense, in their works' maintains her proper ftatc, . 
•But never fleeps^ or labours with her weighf ; 
GRii{C£ mftke^ thie whole look elegant, and gay. 
But never dares from Sense to run aftray. 
So nice die mailer's touch, fo great his care^ 
The colours boldly glow, not idly glares • 
Mutually giving, and recdving aid, 
They fet each other off, like Ught and made. 
And, as by ftealth, with fo mudi foftnefs blend^ 
'Tis hard to fay, where they beg^, or end. 
Both gijVe tfe charms, ^d neither gives offence; 
Sense pcrfefts.GRACft, and Grace enlivens Sensi^, 

Peace to the men> who thefe high honours claiitli 
Health to' their fouls, ^d to their mem'ries fame: 
Be itmytaflc, and no mean taflc, to tjeaeh- ' 
ArevVence for that worth I cannot rcath; 
!tet me at dift^ce, with a fteady eye, : \ . / . ' 

T\. C^fa^c, aiid mark their paflage to the iky. Fr-om^ 



I 



A COLLEtl^ia'N 0?!^ ESSAYS^ «8c, t^t 

' BrbiD tiivy free, applaud fuch rifing worth. ; 
Aii& priaife didr heaven, though pinicxi'd dovm to^carthu 
Had I the pow*r, I could not have the time, ;, . 
V7U]i\ fpiiits,flow, and life is in her pritne, 
Withotira'fin'gijinftpleafure, todcfign 
A plan, to methodize *ach thought, each line 

" Highly to finifh, and make ev'ry grace, 
.In itfelf charming, take new charms from place. 
Nothing erf" books, aqd Ktde known of men. 
When the mad fit comes on, I feize the pen. ' 

Rough as they run, the rapid thoughts fit down. 
Rough as they run, difcharge them on the town. 
Hence rude, linfinifh'd brats, before their dm«. 
Are born into this idle world of rime, 
And the poor /lattern Muse is brought to bed 
With all her impcrfeftions en her head. .... 



Canclujion of the Natural Hjftory cf Elephants. See page 28^3. 

never learn exaftly how long the Elephant lived, but that he 
was told by one of the keepers, that he knew fuch an E1&- 
jAant K) have been in his great grandfather's, grandfather's 
and father's euftody, which he modeftly computes not to 
have been lefs than a hundred and twenty or thirty years. 
Mr. Blair allows that the ElejAant generally lives to a great 
age, though it is an animal fubjeft to feveral diftempers. 

As to the manner of the Elephant's procreation, all agree 
that it is a creature of ^ctraordinary modefty, and never 
copulates in the fight of any one. The time when they 
begin to copulate Is Ukewife uncertain; though from their 
ufual term of life, it is conjeftured, that many of them do 
not begin till the twentieth year of their age, dwugh others 
may do it mudi fooner. The tone of their going with young 
is aUb dilputed ; nor is there any way of knowing it, but by 
obferving when they feparate themfelves from the herd^ (for 
they are gregarious animals) the nule and femak going apart 
for the feke of coition, and not returning till the female is 
inq)regnated. S6me have alfo imagined, from their extraor- 
dinary bulkj that they go with young nine years, others fix, 
and others two; but it is moft probable, that the time of 
their geftation is fifteen or fixteen months, if we may judge 
#f it by that of other viviparous animals, which is accord- 
P p 2 ing 



9|fa TH» FQHTR)MUpiEt.XAHy: #.*, 

•ing f:o their halfc tni Wm of life. Some ^ tkcy hringj^ 
fortk every tbM :7efir, and otbers but 6ikot in their lires; 
buf this laft C^msOn is utterly improbable, coiifldering the 
'great number qf thefe id^malsr found in .^ipa and Africa^ 
It is reported that b^Jy oriy bripg forth afie at athne, and 
that about the bi^efs of a calf; whidi lice feems to agree 
with that Ti^vcmier tdl?> os, th^t wfefcn t^e itoerchan^ Wn^ 
the £l^phai)C9 to fAl, tibe children leap upon their backs; 
which could not well be if they ^dr^ higher* According ta 
the fame author, the mal^ ni^yer meddles with die female »^er 
he is taken, but ia foftietimds fcized vdlb a luilful rage, or ' 
rather (as others think) ^vith a land of madntfs, known by 
the eflBux of a liquor from their jaw* like oil; which goea off 
:^n of its own accord. Mr. Knox fays, the female Ele- 
phant iiickje ihdiflferently the young ones of othSprs as Well 
as thei;- own; but how long It \s before the ypung Ekphaiit 
Quits its dam', is not eaf)^ to determine. 

^hc Elephants take great care of their young, rathe? 
chufinjg to kfe their own lives thaii that they (hpuld theirsl' 
They always go in herds, the largeft fqremoft; and when 
they are to- pafs a fiver, they lift the yoiuig one^acrofs on 
|hrir two tuflks, twifting the probofcis round thek' middle. 
When they find any of tiieir fpeci^s dead in the woods, 
they cover the carcj^fe ^^^th branches of trees, grafs, or what 
elfe they can get; and if orfe of -them is wounded, the 
reft take care of him, bring hhnfood, and run together to 
favehim from the hunter. 

' The manner of tridog Elephants fe as follows: they dig 
deep pitfs, and cover them Vith boughs, grafs, &c. "^ch^ 
though theElcpfcmts foipetimes percdve (forthey^re very ^ 
iagadous) yet thctr fre<5[uendy fall into; the fiiare, Thofe, 
however,: who happen to cfi^e the danger, are etcr after 
very dtftruflful, and will break off a branch of a.tr^with 
their trunk, widi whidi they examine every ftep of theff 
way, far fear of a j^ under a deceitful covering* What 
Lopez relates is very reniarkable, that a young Elephant 
having faHen into one of thefcfriares, the old one ran eagerly 
%o its affiflance, but not beii^ able to get it out, ihe threw^ 
in cardi, ftbnes, and trees, in fudi quantities as to fill up 
the pit; rather cbpofing to deftroy tire yoimg one, than 
let it fall alive into the hands of the enemy. 

Another method of taking them, praftifed b the kingdom 
of ftga, is to ddye into ike^ound a great dumbKcr of .> 

. ' wooden 



A COLl-ECTION' OF £S9itYS,M. :?« 

nffOlcAca pSes aiofisdi a diftanc^ £n»p>«ach other^^^to fulfor 
^. man to pafs, but not.an Elephant; they then let loofe feme 
fame ^emaks^ whofe pudenda are anointed with a certain oil 
to entice the malesy who, follo\sdng the females, are led 
inio the indofuFe, and there confined and taken. Sometimes 

^ the king of Pegu employs avail number of men to funround 
a whole foreij where the Elephants haunt, and driving them 
all together into narrow bounds, he picks and chnfes fuch 
as he has a mind to, and lets the reft dbape* 

Jf what authors relate of the manner of taming Elephants 
be true, it is .a furprifing proof of tljeir natural fagacity* 
After they are taken, Aey are firft inclofed in fuch a narrow 
place that they have fcarce room to ftand, and their fore-legs 
and tufks are tied together; then the keepers mount them^ 
beat ithem with clubs, and kick them with their heels, threat- 
Birig to.ftarve them if they do not behave quietly, (for they 
imagine the Elephants undcrftood their language :) but if they 
will be peaceable, they promiie to be kind to them, and give 
them meat and drink in abundance. Having undergone 
this difcipline, each wild Elephant is placed between two 
tame ones, and there confined till they are brought to the 
fame peaceable difpofition. Taveniier tdils us, that he otitce 
faw two wild Eleplwnts, each ftariding betwixt two tame ones, 
md round about them ftood fix men, each with a half-pHke 
jo his hand, and a lighted torch fattened to the end of the 

. Ipike, who talked to the Elephants, and fed them<with hay, 
pieces of brown fugar, and rice boiled»^in water, with a few 
corns of pepper. If the wild Elephants refufed ,to do as they 
were bid, the men made figns to the tame Elephants to cor-- 
reft them, which they did, beating them on the liead with 
their trunks^ till tKey forced the poor beafts to ]earn obedience. 
'Thefe methods, it is faid, have foon an etFeft Upon the 
younger fort of Elephants; but. as for the old ones, they 
treat them more roughly, wounding them with darts, and 
keeping them without food till they are half ftarvedj by 
which means they become tame and tradable, i^lian fays, 
that when all other methods prove ineiFeftual, the old Ele- 
phants are tamed by playing on a certain mufical inftrtiment, 
with which they are much delighted.' Be this as it may, it 
is agreed on all hands, that the Elephant is an animal of great 
docility; and authors tell ftrange ftorles concerning them, 
fiich as thdr dancing to a pipe, and keeping time, leaping, 
Ikipping, gathering and ftrewing flowers, exercifing a fufee 

and 



i 



^S^4 THE P01.1TE MISCELLAKY: ««, ^ 

mdfike lik^ a foldicr, and playing a great many o(Jd tifeitt 
in; fli«atrcs ; nay, fbme pretend they have been taught to write, 
and onderAand hpman fpeech : bot no credit is to be given 
to accounts of this nature. 

Hiftory afibrd^ us i'everal inftanccs of the love, fidelity, 
and gratitude of the Elephant, which are very furprifmg. 
iEUian relates that vdien Porus, king <rf India, was fubdti^ 
by Alexander the Great, he was wounded with fcveral darts, 
which the Elephant he rode upon pulled out of his body with 
bh probofcis ; and vA\cn he perceived his mailer fainting Ijy the 
lois of blood, gradually leaned himfelf down, till he fell flat 
upon the ground, that his mafter might receive no harm by 
alighting. Athenasus mentions the gratitude of an Ele- 
phant to a woman that had done him fbme fervice, and ufed 
to lay her child near him when it was very young; few the 
mother dying, the Elephant was fo fond of the child, that 
be ftiewcd great uneafineis when it^was taken out of hi$ fight, 
and would not eat his food unlefs the nurfe laid the child in 
the cradle between his feet, but then he would eat heartily. 
When the child llept, he chafed away the flies with his jm-o-" 
bofcis, and when it cried he would tofs or rock the cradle' 
^till it fell afleep. 

But as Elephants are remarkable for their love and gra- 
titude,- fo are tliey lubje^ft to wrath and revenge; and even 
the- tamell of them retain fome of' their natural ferofity, 
which appears when they are provoked.. Glycas tells us, that 
as an Elephant was led to a theatre, hefaw in his way a keeper 
of wild beafls- fitting in the market-place, whom in apaffion 
he fuddenly killed, remembring that the laid keeper about 
ten years before had ftruck him with a fword in the lame place. 
Acofla writes-, that a ibldier in Cochin, a town on the coaft 
of Malabar, having thrown a nut at an Elephant, the beaft 
took it up, and hid it; and fome days after, the Elephant 
feeing the Ibldier pais by, threw the nut in his face, making^ 
a great noiic, and going away leaping and dancing. Another 
igldier in the fame town meeting an Elephant with his keeper;^ * 
would not give way to them, whereupon the keeper cpm- * 
plained of the. affront to the Elephant; who fome time after 
ei'pying the ibldier by tlie iide of the river that runs through ' 
the town; ran hailily towards him, lifted him up with his 
trunk, and plunged him feveral times in the river; after 
which he drew him our, leaving liim to be laughed at by the 
fpeftators. , 

Tliongh 



A COtLECTiC^N PE tSS AXS, Sit. ^^^ 

. Thou^ it may feci* unaeceflary to Tay any more conoewa-? 
}i)g: the Elephant, yet if wo add afew :jOiti€ulajr$ from Dr^ 
Strachan, rcbtii^^ to thofeof the ifl^ nf Qcyloo,. vre hop© 
it will not be difagreeable* The Do£lor in&mns u% tbi^B 
there are ferer^ for^t^f Elephants^ &mB ^gr^at deal. higher 
before than behiad, and fomewbichn^fr kisre thetwo long 
<uik$ ; others are of a more iairage nature, iknowa^by iha; 
§^rceaefs of their loolcs, , which not bdng tameable, are of- 
no fervice; but th^ Idng of Candle' in Ceylon keof^s hsh» 
for the' puniftimeat of malefaftors,. for, tbeyJdU all thalt 
^omes within their reach*. This fort the natives endeaVoir'tor 
^eftroy, either by {hooting tbem, car cutting of their, trwks^s 
'^y which they take all their food; fo th^ iftheyiteftapo 
^ey periih wiih hujiger; for the Ceyfonele bdng very ^ifiiJ 
pid. nimble, venture fo near the Elq^nts as to-^ttack ^ebsiiii 
with their -fwords. If an Elephant irisquents a pfauitaiioa^ 
dF fruit-trees, (for n<> hedges caaieep them out) Aey poiset . 
a hcjavy {nece of! wood, and hangit byaropejo^Ae^hcancb 
of a tree under which the Elephant ufesito comei febfiidift 
night a nian fits: watching upon the branch, and ^hea.th0 
Elephant is under it, the man cuts the rope, and the p^ted 
piece of wood fa}ls upon jdie back.of : th^ ammal^'gl^g <Ma^ 
a deep wound, by which he languifhes and dies. . v_,,:2 

. QiHr author's < ac<CQunt of the pra£Uce in Ceylon ccmfirms' 
what we have fai^d about the method of taking EJcphaais/ia 
^he kingdom of P^gu, by furrounding a forefl, and driving;, 
t^m into narrow iodofures* He fays, that when the natitcsr 
^ the fea-coaft, who are fubjedl: to the Dutch, have ordera- 
fjTom their Eaft-India company ,, to hunt Elephants, tbey< 
jHtgh upon a convenient place fe a watren or psfrk, whicte 
is hr9ad at the eotranee, and.flartosV the farther you gd^^ 
4> that at the cxtr^f4ty it is fo nat!roWy tlfet anEUephant can-'? 
%dt turn itfelf, thoi^h in this QJMrrOw part twenty EkphsmtS' 
may ftand one behind another ;» The country people their 
ground the woo^, for about fixty EngUJh miles in circum^^ 
fcrence, each man at firfi Handing perhaps five-^d-twcnty 
yards from the other, ^nd, kindling fires inthe intermediate 
foaces. Then by ftiouting, beating of (irums, founding rf 
torns, and making all the noife they poflibly can,i they drive' 
the frighted Elephants towards the park,»and by thirowigf 
fire-brands at diem, and other means, they at length chafe 
fiicm.into the narrow place, where tfeey indofe them with 

poIUy 



39* tlife fotirt tAtSttltAm: 6A» 

poAs, and rails laid acroftthem; and fuch as aire fit (eft ftT- 
Ince they taki, lettb)g th^ reft efcape» Eiu this fport b not 
^vithout danger, tiitt tnmgdl Elep^iants often turning upod 
tbdr purfuers. 

With rqzard to the method of tamkig Elephants, onr au^ 
thor Itkrvme agreea pretty riearly with what^we have related^ 
ad<fing, that they are foed bet wcmi two pofti, and bonnd 
in fuch a manntr that tbey cannot Air nor He d0^vtl; for if 
they \vere ncft kept continually fhtndiiDg, they ^biald become 
hmvy^ ibrrowful, re&fe their food, and die. Thtis they are 
fed for about fix weeks, when they begui to be tradable, and 
are only tied in the liable by ode Jeg^ and if the ifia*ch^nt# 
cofaeiiom Bengal, they are lold and (hipped off: but if therl/ 
be no purtha&rs, the owners feed them fix weeki longer ^ItM 
kates of the cocoa-tree; in which time they become ai ta^ 
m 4^ dog» and are turned into the Mds to graz<? wkh thd 
cattle. When they are th«5 tamed, *^y arc vtff docile/ 
and ai?e brought to Ue down upoa theif belly, t<^ let ftiai« 
inifter^ get up and ride. But the doflot tells ti^, ^^ i§ 
at ztDf tkne diey happen to fall, they receive ib much haxif 
by rttafen of the great bulk of* their bodies, thdt it general!)^ 
oocaftgms ^ieir death, either immediately, or etfe in alte^oyr^ 
ing manner. 

To put ah £le{^tlt on board a (kip, they have a coiw 
trivattee, fays oar ^lithOr, of fifteen or twent^ double 69^ 
dotbs, which are wrapped about h}»bi^, belly, and fidd; 
and tied together ovtr his back, with tq^ fammd d^reio, 
to draw h& up the fide of the veflel; He is then ted intlo^ 
the Water between Elephants tr^tied to^tbii fort of bufine^ 
upon which a man ffts to direfl htm ; aoid aiid^ther El^hf^tj^ 
with a rldor, goes behind the £le]^ant to be fliipped^ Ibft 
pu(hes hinvlbrward tirith his head, if he is uifwilling KJeiit^ 
into the water. Wlien they have thus got the pctor creaftU3P# 
to a proper depdi, he is tied to the boUt, ahd mims aftet^t 
to the (hip, where he is haled on board; Biyit there ii a ihoTf 
convenient method, which is this: They cover a fkt-bo^ 
tomed veflfel with planks, like a floor, fo as tolie alnaoft kvdt 
with the key; and the fides of the key and veflel be'^ 
adorned with green boughs, the ElejAant is led on board btf 
tore he fe6s any' water. It is obfervable, that when an Elei* 
^ant iwims to a (hip, or crofTes a deep river, there is nOtfalD^ 
ieen of him. but liis tirunk, through which he breadieii^ 



A eolLfectloM dF ESSAYS, ficc. 39? 

rh HISTORY of RENEE CORBEAU, *' 
Trsinflated from th^ FrencH. 

ALTHOUGH the inconftancy of^ lovers hath been {^ 
frequently exclaimed againft, that weaknefs is not left 
tbmmon, nor the ill example lefs followed than heretofore^ 
\Vere not fon^ authors in the right, when they called love 
a kind of magid ? Since oft-times the very perfbn who hath 
been idolized as a kind of a divinity, when the charm is difli* 
pated, is looked upon with contempt : Biit if this weakneft 
I? ever blameable, it is furely more fo, when the lover hav-^ 
ing fedoctd his miftrefs bv a folemn promifc of marriage^ 
and whjl, after flie has yielded in the firm afliirance of beii^g 
lawfully his wife, he equally betrays his own word and the 
honoi> of the poor deluded gurl: ^n infidelity which To much 
the more deferves puniihment, as the honour he hath robbed 
her df is irrejiarable, and that all the cofts and damages the 
laws may decree, far from blotting out her difgrace, only 
make it more public to the ^orld, becaufe they are decreed 
in a tribunal Where its judgments muft be made public. 

The la\Vs of France, for the reparation df fueh injuries^ 
have lo6ked upon i rape of feduftibn, in nearly the lame 
light as a rape of violence; arid have made both crimes tqf 
be capital, when fully proved. The foUowlug true hiftory 
will at onte lay before the reader, the bafenefs of the crime, 
the punifhments it jtfftly deferves, and the admirable cloquencq 
and fidelity of a young woman, which ought to be tranfmit- 
ted to pofterity in honour to her fex. 

In the year 1594, when Henry the IVth was King qf * 
France, a young gentleman, named Pouflet, a native of |Sce9 
in Normandy, was a ftudent of law at the l/niverfity of Angers. 
He there beheld Renee Corbeau, the daughter of a citizen 
of that city. Her charaftcr miy be given in fdur words : 
She was young, modefi, beautiful, and fprighdy. Thefe 
(hining qualities were Indeed obfcured by one defeft, which 
|>hilofophers would not count one, but which the world 
(thanks to the corruption of the age) efteems to be the great-* 
eft. In a word, her father was not rich. The fight of 
Renee infpired the young Pouflet with the moft lively paflion, 
the pjrogrcfi of which was fo quick, that he no longer lived 
Q^q ' but 



1 



298 THE POLlt£ MISCELLANY: 4) fi, 

but to fee and converfe with her*. He foon infpired her with 
a njutual flame; and in one of his tranfports he offered her 
marriage, and even gaVe her a promife in writing. In the 
like traniports, upon the faith of that promife, (he forgot 
her chaftity; and love, in one hour, deftroyed a virtue, the 
work of many years :. He feized a treafure which can never 
be too carefully kept, and made ufe of the only moment in 
her life, when the vigilance of diftruft (its only guardian) 
was relaxed. 

The fair one foon difcovered fatal eflTcfts, which (he was 
obliged to dilclofe to her mother, who revealed it tp the 
father. After they had made fever al reproaches to their un- 
fortunate girl, they agreed that they ftiould feign a journey 
to «heir country houie, that fhe (hould give Pouflbt an ap- 
lK)intment, and that when he was come, the par^H^ would 
come in and furprize them. if" 

This proje(^^ was well executed : The furprked lover told 
them, * That they need not be alarmed at the ftep whic&' 
love had made him take; that he liad honourable views; 
and Ijjad not triumphed over her honour to cover her with 
Ihame, but that he was wiHing to marry her.* The father, 
fbmewhat comforted with this declaration, afked him If he 
was willbg to pafs a contraft of marriage with his daughter 
direftly. Pouffct immediately confented ; and a notary (who 
was not far off) drew up the contraft of marriage, Mfhich 
ivas direftly figned by Pouflet. 

The gentleman hadnofoonet- figned, The auther^ic inftru- 
ment of the marriage yokit as Boileau calls it, than aU the. 
beauties of his miltrefs, which had fo much charmed him, 
were now no longer flriking and he quickly repented of his. 
engagement. He foon quitted his miftrefs and went to Sees, ta 
his fathef ; to whom he unfolded the whole of his amorous ad- - 
venture. The father, who was in poffeflion of a plentiful eftate, 
and preferred the gifts of fortune to ttofe of nature, told: 
him he could never approve of marriage with a g^rlof fo! 
fmall a fortune, and charged him to forget all his promifcs 
and obligations. Whether it was that the fon was mo^reiitlby' 
Ms father's advice, or whether by his own inclination», he ' 
entered into holy orders, and was ordained fub-deacon and . 
deacon. Thinking hereby he had formed an inymcible ob- 
ftacle to his marriage^^ 

• Renee 



A COLLECTION OP ESSAYS, &c. 299 

*' Renee Corbeau hearfl this news with that grief and-anger 
Vhich an honeft heart muft feel, when it finds love repukl 
with fuch black perfidy. Her father^ laid an information 
againft him at Angers, for a Rape of Sedu^ion, and Poulfet 
was ordered into cuftody : He appealed from that order, and 
the caufe was brought before the Parliament of Paris. Tho. 
proceedings of PoufTet appeared lb odious to the eyes of the 
judges, elJ5ecially as having taken orders to elu^de his pro- 
mife of marriage, that they condemned him to be beheaded, 
or to marry Renee. He declared, that the fanftity of holy 
(Mrderfe rendered that alternative impoflible ; and the court 
decreed (after that declaration) that he muft undergo *the 
execution of their fentence. He was delivered over to the 
executioner^ and the pricft who was to aflift him in his laft 
• moments catne to prepare him for death. 

Renee had her heart torn with anguifli, when ftie faw that 
the violent love which fhe had, and ftill cheriihed, for Pouf- 
fet, led him to death. No longer able to fupport the dread- 
ful thought, and guided only by her love, flie ran to the 
court where the judges were yet aflembled, and covered with 
grief and ihame, threw herfelf at their feet, and fpoke thus : 
* Gentlemen, I prefcnt to your eyes the moft unfortunate 
objcft, that ever appeared in the face of juftice. In con- 
demning my lover, you have not thought that I was culpa- 
ble, or^ have judged at leaff^ that my crime might be excu- 
fable, and yet you condemn me to death by the feme ftroke 
whidi flat^hters him. You condemn me to the cruelleft 
of aH torments; for the ignominy of his;death will rebound 
upon me; and I, as well as he, (hall die with difhonour. 
You have defigned a reparation of my injured honour ; yet 
your remedy will cover me with the opprobrium of the whole 
world. Thus, though you have thought me more unfortu- 
nate than criminal, yon have punifticd me with the moft grie- 
vous" of all punifliments. How then can you reconcile my 
fuffering with your juftice ? You cannot be ignorant (fince 
you were men before ye were judges, and have felt the power 
of love) what torment a perfon who loves muft fuffer, when 
ftie can reproach herfelf with being the caufe of death, and 
that an ignominious one, to the perfon ftie loves. Can any 
fufFerings equal that infupportable idea? The death which 
ends it muft be efteemed a favour from Heaven. 

* But, Gcndemen, I wll undeceive you ; I have concealed 
Q^q 2 ttiy 



$Q9 THE POLITE MISCELLANY: p t, 

my crime, thiftking to keep that % fecrct, that you migM 
order Mr. Poaflct to reffore my honour by marriage. But 
my remorfe of confcience now obliges me to declare I wa« 
jthe feducer ; I loved him firft, and cominunicated the flam^ 
t felt to that unhappy man; I wasmyfelf the inftrumcnt erf" 
my own diftionour. Ah, venerable Gentlemen ! change your 
fentiments; look upon me as the feducer, and n^ lover the 
feduced. Puniih me, but fpare him ; ^ad if juftice demands 
a viftim, it is myfelf that ought to be it. ^ 

* You judge it to be hi5 crime, that he entered into holy 
orders, that he might not have the poWer to fulfil his pro- 
rnifes ; but that was not his work, but the aftion of a bar- 
barous and imperious father, whofe authority he could not 
rclilh A will ceales to be fo when tyrannized over ; thus he 
has not done this of his free will and choice. His father i$ 
the only criminal; and where he not the father of him I 
^ve, I fhould demand the vengeance of the law, 

* Befides, Gentlemen, how have you retrafted your fii-ft 
fentence? You have condemned him to death, if he would 
not marry me* You gave him his choice ; how then can you 
take that choice a\Yay, in chuling for him ? I muft indeed 
be very odious in your eyes, fince you decree him to a fhame- 
f j1 death, rather than to mgrry mc. 

* But he has declared his pr,efent condition would not perr 
mit him to man y, and that declaration hath led you to order 
\um to a capital puniftunent. What iigniiies his declaration ? - 
He would have laid that he would marry me, if he cpuld have 
done it. 1 hus, if he could, you could not have condemned 

.him to death, after the choice you had given. Yet who can 
doabt but he may yet marry me, notwithflanding his dea- 
con's orders? I'hough I was but a va-y ignorant ^li, yet my 
love hath loon made me leai'ned in that point. What fcience 
woiiKi it have taught me, if his life had demanded my know- 
ledge! Ye.^, Gentlemen, I know, and you are not ignorant, 
that we may yet ^narry with the Pope's difpenfation. We 
daily expert the Legate of his Holinefs, with the plenitude 
of the ibvereign PontiiF's power ; I will folicit that difpenfa- 
tion, and am inre my love will obtain it. What obllacle 
would ir not furmount, if necefTary? Thus, Gentlemen, 
• let companion for unfortunate Iover§ obtain a favourable 
judgment. Vouchfafe at Icafl to fufpend the execution of 
your fentence, and give us time to obtain that dilpenfation 

from 



A COLLECTION OF ESSAYS, S;c. 30^ 

(mm the Legate. Should ye regard ray dear Pbujflet as 
giiilty of an enormous crime, what aimc hath he not exjn- 
jsiied, fince the apparatus, and alj the horrors of approaching 
{haincful death, hath been before his eyes ? He hath already 
fufFered a thoufand tunes fmce his fentence was pronounced. 
— .-^ — Ah ! why can ye not enter into my heart, to behold 
what I now fuffer ! If you could, were ye hardened by the 
jnoft rigid juflice, you would be moved. I dare hope that 
pity is not extinft in the hearts of judges, who have once 
teilderly loved, and thofe even who have not loved (If there 
is one amongu you who has not) have certainly had friend- 
fliip in their breaits, and know the pangs they muft have felt 
for an' unhappy fuffering friend. Som6 among you, Gentle- 
men, are yet young, and by your youth the moi^e difpofed 
to receive the impreiTions of that paffion; and the odiers 
more aged muft have experienced all thofe tender fentimcms.. 
Thus my refource is in the hearts of you all. You may, Gen- 
jdemen, reconcile mercy with juftice. And fhould I have but 
few voices for me, ought not thefe to carry my point in fa- 
vour of humanity over the reft, though more in number h But 
if you are all inflexible, at Icaft refufe me not the mercy of 
dying with hjm I love, by the lame ftroke' 

The unfortunate fair one had a very favourable audience. 
The judges loft not a word of her oration, which was pro- 
nounced with a firm and clear voice, tho' with the enwtipns 
of a perfon deeply aiHifted. Her words found ^ quick paflage 
from the €^s to the hearts of her judges. The charms of 
her perfon, her t^ars, and her eloquence, were too powerful 
not to melt and perfuade men of humanity. She was ordered 
to withdraw while they gave their opinions; ind Mr. Villery, 
their gift prcfident, having collefted their votes, pronounced 
tt refpite of the fentence for fix months, that applications 
for a dilpenfation might be madd. 

Cardinal De Medicis (who was afterward Pope Leo XL) 
c^me as Legate foon after to Paris. But his Eminence con- 
ceived fuch indignation againft Pouflet for having entered 
mto holy orders purpofely to avoid the marriage, that what^ 
ever application was made to« him he conftantly refufed the 
difpenrfation. 

Renee Corbeau, by 'this refufal, was again plunged into a 
defpair; the more terrible as having before entertained feme 
hopes. However, her zeal was not abated: She threw her- > 

fdf 



i 



303 THE POLITE MISCELLANY; oa, 

felf at the Kiflg'$ feet, relating her unfortunate cafe, and beg* 
ging her lover's life. Henry, who had too often felt the 
power of love, not to be moved by her beauty, and her elo-. 
quence, condefcending to be himfelf her follicitor to the Le« 
gate. Such an advocate could not be refufed. The Cardinal, 
^s Pouflet had not received the higheft orders of the prieft- 
hood, granted the difpenfation : The marriage was folemnized, 
and they lived ever after in the moft perfeft union ; the huA 
band evpr regarding his wfc as his guardian angel that had 
laved at once both his life and honour. 



JNE CD QTE relative to the Earl of S TAIR. 

WHEN the earl of Stair was ambaflador at the court of 
France, immediately after the acceflion of his late 
majelly to the cro\vn, his excellency made a moil fplendid 
appearance ; and being a nobleman naturally inclined to gal- 
lantry and cxpence, loon became a great favourite with the 
ladies there, by whofe intrigues he was enabled to dilcover 
fecrets which otherwife might have efcaped the penetration 
of the moft vigilant and fagacious minifter. In the manage- 
ment of the ladies, whofe favour he courted, he *was forced 
to obfervc the greateft delicacy; Play, he perceived, was 
their predominant paflion, and, as he was Equally inclined to 
that amufement, he eafily obtained, by means of cards, n^any 
private 'conferences which he could not have indulged on any 
other pretence. The dutchefs of Maine was one of thofe 
illuftrious perfonages whom the earl took moft p^hs to en- 
gage in his intereft. She was paffionately fond of play, of 
an inquifitive and bufy temper, of vaft capacity, and of a 
difcernment fo quick that it was no eafy matter to impofe 
upon her; ftie was among the number of ladies too that 
aflfe^ed to pry into the affairs of the cabinet, and who had 
gain'd an afcendancy over the then regent, fo far as not to 
be altogether ignorant of the moft fecret tranfadlions* of ftate. 
His excellency, by lofing large fums with this lady, and up» 
on all occafions paying her particular refpeft, had infenfibly 
work*d upon her affeftions, but had reaped not the leaft ad- 
vantage over her in point of politics,* till an accident hap- 
pened that brought about in an inftant what he had long laboured 
at ia vain. Being engaged as her partner at play, the run of 

luck 



I 



A COLLECTION OF ES*^SAYS, ^c. 30^ 

UcH turned againft them, and the dutchcfs In the end wa^ 
obliged to boiTOW (rf* the eslrl a thoufandvpiftoles. His excel- 
lency told her, he had yet twice that fum at her' high- 
hefs*s fervice,. and prcfs'd her to continue play, which fhe ab- 
iblute refufed. Next morning early fhe fent a mefBgc to the 
earl, defiririg inftantly to Q)eak with him. It is no unufual 
thing in France for ladies to receive morning vifits from gen- 
tlemen, in bed; neither was his excellency at all furprifed 
when he found lumfelf alone in the chamber of one of the 
princefles of the blctod-royal ; fhe Ipoke of the money fhe 
had borrowed, ^vith fome concern, as a matter fhe was very 
Unwilling fhould take air ; but his excellency interrupted her 
by faying, // was impofflble it Jbouldy for he had already for- 
gat it himfelf, and Jhould never have tecoll^ed it again had 
7Wt her highnefs put his memory upon the rack by refrejbing it. 
Her highnefs made no reply, but entered into a difcourle on 
{x>litics, in 's^ich fhe difcovered t6 him the projeft which 
the court of Sweden was meditating, in concert with France, 
by a defcent upon England and Scotland, in favour of the 
royal houfe of Stuart ; by which timely difcovery the whole 
fdieme was defeated, and his excellency acquired the repu- 
tation of an able and aftlve minillen • : , 



An ELEGY on tk Death of the Right tiohourabk Earl 
HARDWICKE. 

by T. ARCHERy ayouth under fourteeny ears (f age^ nephew 
t^JFRANCIS DIXON, Efq:tfUPWELL. 



u. 



'RAN I A, Odefceiid! 
Affifl me, while the grateful tear I fhed, . 
And.iing how Britdn ^ourn'd a faithful friend, 
A guard and gbry lofl in Hardwicke dead. 

Alas ! and is he gone, 
ITie great, the wife, the noble, and the good? 
His dye is caft, his tumoft (and is ruii, ^ 
And he has crofs'd th' irremeable floods 



The 



3b4 THE POLITE. MISCELLANVj Or, 

The pious arid the br^vc. 
Or (bon or late Death's cruel dart attends ; • 
Virtue nor valour rel'pite from the grave. 
The bcft of fathers, and the beft of friends. 

No more (hall Hardwicke fit 
Amidft the Court, no more fhall move the tongH«( 
That pour*d forth eloquence fo nobly Iweet, 
And wrapped in wonder all th* admiring dirong. 

*' And whilft he held the ear 
In pleafing chains, each eye that viewed his face 
Was ravi{h'(C where the foftnefs of the fair 
Was beaudftily joined with manly grace- 

ttis Country and his King 
Me lov'd,. but ne'er was fir'd with party zeaL 
He towVd not on ambition's haughty wing, 
But ever laboured for the common-weal. 

This tiibutary verfe, 
In tedrs composed, his goodnefs (hall proclaim j 
Thefe humble rhymes (hall grace his mournful hearie, 
01 m»y thejr five with Hardwicke's noble name- 

O ! Earth receive his day. 
Lye light upon his bones, preferve his duft: 
Let future ages fbikc thdr breafts, and fay. 
Here Hardwicke lies, once Great, and Good, onc^ Juftr 

But thank we Heav'n's high God 
Who ipar'd him long, for England (aw his prime ; 
She (aw Jiis filva:' d hairs, and temples fow'd 

With (how, ind furrow'd deep \^th age and tim*^ 

But fince he's left the earth. 
He (hares eternal happinefs above. 
Then fince he comes of fuch illuftrious birth, 
! may his fon another HardAsdcke prove ! 



% 



I 



A totttCTION OF tS$AYS^ki. ^tf 



An ANECDOTE relative to Bern SWIFTi 

DEAN S^t was of a humour fd frank, that thbfe wh<^ 
vrere unacquainted with Ws manner, could hardly be' 
prevailed upon to confider him in any other light than that 
of an unpolifhed clown; how fat he might deferve that chaV 
lifter in general muft be left to the determination of higi 
moft intimate acquaintance; but with regard to h)s behaviour 
upon particular occafions, nothing could be more >ude; 
The very laft time he was at London he Went t6 din^witli 
the earl of Burlington, Who was then but tie'vi^ly n^ried. 
My lord willing, perh^s, to furprize his lady with ;^ pew 
dharafler, and to have fome diverfion, forbore to iivl^puce 
him in ^e ufual manner, or even to mention his i^^^l ^^ 
as he generally appeared In a rufty gown, and had n^^(^' 
ftriking perfon, her ladyfliip could not help eying herbeli^ 
guefti After (Unner, faid the dean, Lady Burlington^ I hedf 
you can fihg: fing me dfong. The lady look^ on this un-^ 
ceremonious manner of afking a favour, W'ith xfiiguft, and 
pofitivdy refufed him. He faid, She fbould ftng, of if^he 
luas her hujhand he would make her. Why, m(;idam, I fuppofi 
you take me for one of your poor y paultry^ EngUJb hedge 
parfons ; fing, ivheti I bid you. As the earl did nothing but 
laugh at .this freedom, ^he lady was fo vex'd that (he burf)/ 
iiito teafs and retired. His firft compliment to her when hp 
faw her again was. Pray, madam, are you as proud and as 
ill-natured now, as when I faw you bflf To which (he an- 
fwered with great good-humour^ No^ mr.Deafi^ Fll fmg 
forycuy if you pleafei 



An ANECDOTE relatitfe to Cardinal WOISZY. 

CArdinal Wolfey makes fo great a figure in the EngUfJt 
hiftoey, that every body ftould be acqua&rted "vrith hif 
•tirth and the manner of his rifiilg in the King's faivpur/ That 
he was a btrteher's fon at Ipfivich, is commonly known ; but 
the particular circumftance that firft recommerided him tqr 
Henry VII. was this : It happened that bis majcfty had occa* 
fion to fend to the emperor Maximilian, about fome bufine& 
that required difpatch, and Wdifey was pitched upoii to be 



^q6 TM5 POLITE MISClLLAanrtoA, 

the m^ffengcr, who having received his ioftniftions left die 
King at K.ichlPqDd about oooa» and by next morning got to 
Dover, from thence by noon he arrived at Calais, and by 
uigbt was with the Emperor; to whom having- d^vered hl^ 
xQf idage, and r^ieivcd a prefent difpatch, be rebdmed be£om 
morning to Calais, and the mf^t fdlowing came to tlifi court 
at Rictmiond. The next mormsg he appealed before the 
King, who in the utmoft vbleoce oi rage, was about to lay 
him deiid at his feet for neglc<^is^ to execute his orders^ 
which wejTi? of the ntjnoft importance. Wolfey padfi^d hi^ 
anger by prcie&tiqg to him the Emperor's letter. The Kmg 
aflonifbed at hi« fpeed, aQced him, ^ If be had met the mef* 
ienger whom he had lent after hkn, to acquaint him iidth a 
clrcumftance which ifi his inflruftlons he had foigottcnJ 
Wolfey anlwered, that he had; adding, * That the com- 
mands he brought, I had diTpatched bdfpre; for knowing it 
to be of fuch. neceflary depemlance on my other i^lruAionSy 
I took the boldnefs to do it without a commiffion^ for which 
I humbly befeech your Majefty's forpvcncfs.* The King 
feeing him of fuch uncommon abiiides, not only pardoned 
him, but bellowed the deanry of Liacoin upon him> and 
loon aft€;r made him his Almonerw / 



TT would giv9 great pleafurc to the^i^ubUflier of this Mkga- 
* zine, if the Accounts, of the fame? nature with the lol-' 
lowing, fhould influence fome of his Readers to make expe- 
riments in hulbandry. He doubts not but great and profit- 
able improvements wbuld be the conlequence, and is therer 
fore always glad of an opportunity to publifh fuch-liktf 
matters. 

(y^/i^r CULTIVATION ^ TIMOTHY GRASS. 

THIS (rfant was firft taken notice of m North America^ 
and feems to be a native of Virgmia, where it grows', 
without, cultivation, to a great height, on moorifli, Iwampy 
grounds. Some years ago the feeds of it were carried froftf 
Virginia, by one mr. Timothy Hanibn, to North Carciint, 
Inhere it is now cultivated by the inhabitants ; and from this 
pexfoa it fec«ived ^ name it now bears. 

If 



i 



A COLLECTION OF ESSAYS, 8te. 307 

^lutbrifcs moft, as I find before, in k)^^, damp, marfliy 
ground!? ; for io fixch fiul and fitaatioD it will produce a fine 
turf in tlircc weeks from the time of fowing the feed. It is 
very luxuriant, grows to a confiderable height, and has in 
iome iart the appearance of wheat or rye, haying a broad 
blade or lea£ 

The following experimemt^ which was made fome time 
£nce» ihews tteit it exceeds mod other grades in fweetnefs. 

A fquare piece of land was plowed, and reduced to a very 
fine tilth : it was then divided into four equal quarters or 
parts : On the firft was fown a proper quantity of lucem 
feed ; on another quarter, faintfoin ; on a third part, clover 5 
and on the fourth, or remaining quarter, was fown the feed ' 
of the Timothy grais. Thefe feveral plants were fufFered to 
grow till they were in a condition to be depaftured by catdc. 
When* they were dl arrived at a prc^r growth, horfcs, black 
cattle, cows, and fhcep, were promifcuoufly turned into the 
field, with an intent to obfervc which of the grafies the feve- 
ral forts of cattle would fooneft take to, it not being at aH 
imagined, that they would all prefer one kind^ However, 
this waa the cde, for the Timothy g-afe was eaten by them 
quite bare before the other forts were touched, though they 
were at liberty to range over the whole fidd. 

It may not be improper to add, that they arc nearly, if 
not quitCy as fond of 2t» when dried, and made into hay: 
But when it is intoided for this ufe, it fhoulH always be 
mown when it is in full fap, juft before it flowers; for if it 
is left longer before it is cut, being fo luxuriant and quick a 
grower, it becomes harjQi, and is much drier and more durky 
food, than when it is cut in its prime. 

I have more than once feen the Timothy grafs, which was 
fown by mr. Rocque, of Wallam Green, in September laft : 
It is now furprifingly forward, having v^etated during the? 
courfo of almoft the whole winter. There is one particular 
fpot of this knd, which has be«i for a: long time covered 
widi water v yet is the plant almoft as luxuriant there as in 
any other part. 

I would by all means recommend this plant to the notice 
of the gentlemen who are improving their eftates in Ireland, 
as I know of no grafs that is fo wdl adapted to be fown in 
thdr bogs, sind will at the fame time yield fo confiderable a 
profit, l^ being an excellent fodder, either green or dry. 



3ci8 THE 1>0LITE MISCELLANY: it. 

It b not at all to be doubted, but that with a little efcC»* 
trafion, and a few experiments made with judgment, <tertaift 
grafles might be found adapted to every circumftance of foil 
and fituation. 

A great deal dep^ndsf on the judgment of the farmer, ex^ 
erdfed in the arrangement of his erops; and the nature of 
tJ^efoif is always principally to be confulted, for fuch artifi- 
dal grafles, as would do very well on a light fahly foil, 
wrouU ruin the farmer if fown on a clay. 

^^^ J Member of the Society of Arts, 



Aft ANECDOTE relative to Dr. STILLINGFLEET, 

THE great ! Stillingfleet about the latter end of king 
Charles IId!s reign, obferving that high church principles 
yrere becoming every day more and more fafhionable at 
court, had his reafons for preaching up heartily the religious 
obligation be pi extended all good chriftians were under to abr 
ilain from Flesh, and confine themfelves to the eai ing 
cjf Fish, on the days appointed by the Kalendar for Fails. 
On the Friday following, colonel Churchill, not without de- 
iign, took Qccaiipn tq pay the bifhop a vifit about dinner- 
time, and fpund him with a. capon and a fine difh of par- 
tridges before him. The Colonel appeared aftonifli'd ! And 
the bifliop dem^ding the reafon of his furprize; he rq)ly*di 
"* My amazement is, to fee fleih at youi^ I-ordftiip's table on a 
Friday, dftcr lb excellent a difcourfe as was kft Sunday 
preached before the King againft it,' The Bifhop, after a 
little recolleftion, returned, • Let not this furprize you. Co- 
lonel, for fafling and abftincnce are only felfedenials, yon 
Know ; and therefore, as there is nothing in rcaUty 1 love 
Ujce fifh, tp check the luft of my appedte I ^dered tthtfc 
JFcw birds.! 



ELEGY, 



A, COLLECTION OF ESSAYS, &f. ^09 



ELEGY, 

Befcribing the Sorrow of an ingenious Mind^ on the melan* 
choly Event of a licentious Amour. 

By %. Ute' Mr. S fj E N S T O N E, 

^T 7HY mourps my Friend ? Why weeps his downcaft eye ? 
V V That eye where mirth, where fancy tos'd to flute \ 
Thy chearful meads reprove that fwelling figb; 

Spring ne'er cnamell'd fairer meads than thine. 
Art thou not lodged in fortune's warm embrace ? 

Wert thou not form'd by nature's partial care? 
Bled in thy fong, and bleft in ev'ry grace 

That wins the Friend, or that enchants the Fair? • 
Damon, faid he, thy partial praife reftrain ; 

Not Damon's friendftiip can my peace reflore; 
Alas 1 his very praife nwakes my pain, 

And my poor wounded boibm bleeds the more. 
For oh ! that nature on my birth had frown'd ! 

Or fortune fix'd me to fome lonely cell i 
Then had my bofom 'fcap'd this fatd wound. 

Nor had I bid thefe vernal fweets farewel. 
But led by fortune's hand, her darling child. 

My youth her vain licentious bills admir'd • 
Ih fortune's train the fyren flatt'ry fmil'd. 

And raftily hallow'd all her queen inlpir'd. 
Of folly ftudious, ev'n of vices vain. 

Ah vices! glded by the rich and gay! 
I chas'd vthe guilelefs daughters of the plain. 

Nor dropt the chacc iill Jefly was my prey. 
Poor artlefs maid ! to ilain thy fpotlefs name, 

Expence, and art, and tdl, united ftrove^ 
To lure a breaft that felt the pureft flame, 

Suftain'd by virtue, but betray'd by love. 
School'd in the fcicnce of love's mazy wiles, 

I cloth'd each feature with afFefted fcom ; 
I ipoke of jealous doubts^ and fickle finiles, 

Andy feigning, left her anxious and forlorn. 

Then, 



\ 




THE POLiTE MISCELLANY: pt. 



die fancy'd rage alarm'd her oarc, 
^ !^to deny, and zealous to difprovc ; 
1 bade ^ly words their wonted foftnefs wear, 

And fciz'd the minute of returning love. 
To thee, my Damon, dare I paint the reft ? 

Will yet thy love a candid ear incline ? 
AiTur'd that virtue, by misfortune preft. 

Feels not the fliarpnefe of a pang like mint. 
Nine envbus >moons matur'd her growmg ftiame ; 

Ere while to fiaunt it in the face of daty ; 
When icom'd of vif tuc, ftigraatiz*d by fame. 

Low at my feet drfponding Jeffy lay. 
" Henry, (he faid, by thy dear form fubdu*d, 

$ee the fad reliques of a nymph undone j 
I find, J find this rifing fob rcnew*d ; 

I iigh in (hades, and ficken at the fun. 
Amid the dreary glbom of night I cry, 

When will the mom*s once plcafing fcenes retarn ^ 
Yet what can mom's returning ray fupply, 

But foes that triumph, or but friends ttiat moom ? 
Alas i no more that joyous morn appears. 

That led the tranquil hours of ^tfcfs fame; 
For I have fteep'd a father's couch in tears. 

And ting'd a mother's glowing cheek with ihatMe. 
The vocal birds that raife their matin ftraifi. 

The Iportive lambs, increafe my penfive mom ; 
All feem to chafe me from the cb^rful plain. 

And talk of truth and innocence alone. 
If through the garden*s floWry tribes I ftray. 

Where bloom the jafmins that could once allure, 
Hope not to find del^t in u^ they fay. 

For we are fpodefs, Je% ; we are pure. 
Ye flowVs, that well reproach a nytniA fo frail. 

Say, could ye with my virgin fame compare ? 
The brighteft bud that fcents the vernsj gsde 

Was not fo fragrant, and was not fo fair. 

Now the grave cAd alarms the gentler young ; 

^ And all my famf 's abhcrr'd contag^ flbe ; 

Trembles each lip, and fiitdtcrs every tongue 

That bids the morff propittous fno^ m me. 



Thus 



A CdLLiEG*riOt4 0|f ESSAYS, kt. 311 

Thus for your fake I fllun each human eye; / 

I bid the Aveets of blooming youth adieu ; ^ . 

To die 1 languifh, but I dread to die. 

Left my fad fate fliould nourifli pangs for you, 
Raiie me from earth, the pains of want remove. 

And let me filent feck fome friendly fhore ; 
There only, banifli'd from ^e fc^m I love, 
, My weeping virtue (hall relapfe no more. 
Be but my friend, I aik no dearer name» 

Be fuch the meed of fome more artful fair; 
Nor CQuW it heal my peace, or chtfe my fluunci 

That ^ty gave, what love refus'd to (hare. 
Force not my tongue to aik its fcanty bread. 

Nor hurl thy JefTy to the vulgar crew; 
Not fuch the parents board at which I fed ! 

Not fuch the precept from his lips I drew ! 
Haply, when age has filver'd o'er my hair, 

Malice may learn to fcom fo mean a Ipoil, 
Envy may flight a fiice ho longer fair. 

And pity welcome to my native foil.* 
She fpoke — nor was I boin of favage race. 

Nor could thefe hands a niggard boon afllgn ; 
Grateful (he clafp'd nie in a laft embrace, 

And vow'd to wafte her life in prayers for min€; 
I faw her foot the lofty bark afcend ; 

I &w her breaft with every paffion heave ; 
I left her-^tom from every fajithful friend ; 

Oh ! my hard bolbm which could bear to leave \ 
Brief let me be ; the fatal ftorm arofe, 

The billows rag'd, die pilot's art was vain ; 
O'er the tall maft the circlkig furgcs clofe ; 

My Jefly— floats upon the wat'ry plam ! 
And— fee; my youth's impetuous fir^ decay ; 

Seek not to flop refleftion's bitter tear ; 
But warn the frolic, and inftruft the ^ay, 

From Jefly floating on her wat'rf bier i 



A NEC' 



1 



I 



812 THj: POLI.TE MISCiEilXANYi Ott^ 



ANECDOTE relative to Sir RICHJRD STEELE, 

SIR Richard Steele having one day invited t6 his houfe a 
great number of perfdns of the firft quality, they wcrtf 
furprizcd at the niimber of litreries which furrotinded the 
table; and after ditmef, Whcri wJrle and mirth had fct thcitf 
free froiTi the obfervation of ceremony, one of them en- 
quired of fir Richard how fuch an expenfive train of dof» 
mcftics eould be confiftent \^th his fortune. Sir Richard 
very frankly confeffed that they were fellows, of whom hd 
would very willin^y be rid ; and being then ^ed Why he 
did not discharge them, declared * That they were bailiffs^ 
wiio had introduced themfelves with an execution ; and 
whom, fince he coald not fend them away, he had t!k)iight 
it convenient to embelUfh with Uveries, Aat they might do 
him Credit while they ftaid.' His friends were divcrred with 
the expedient, and by paying the debt difcharged their at- 
tendance ; having obliged fir Richard to promife that they 
fhould never again find him graced with a retinue of the 
fame kind. 



ANECDOTE relative to Mr. CHARLES BR-^'-J^T, 

A Certain fwaggering officer being in company with Mr. 
Charles Br— nt, bragged egregioufly of the numbers 
-he had flain by his owahand abroad, infomuch that by his 
account he had demolilhed at leaft five hundred,— * Sir, lays 
Charles, I have killed in my time, let me fee— five at Madrid 
—ten at Li(bon-;-twenty at Paris— thirty at Vienna, and 
double the number at the Hague, But at length coming over 
from Calais to Dover, I had fcarcely difembark'd, bdForea 
defperate fon of a bitch of an Iriftiman killed me.' — -' KilPd 
you ? fays the officer — -da-— n you, what do you mean Igr 
that ?' — ' Sir, replies Charles, I did not difpute your veraf- 
city— and why ih'ould yoti queftion mifl-e?' 

mm 



A COLLECtiON OF ESSAYS, kc. sH 

tod/MERRYFIELD^s ACdOlJNT gT *^r Manage- 
ment of her Children^ 

IT is impofiible for mc to reeolleft all the fteps wkch we 
took for the accprnpliftiing this great i^cMrk j but I will en- 
deavour to give you two dr three of the moft material cir* 
cumftances in it. 

"W^e firft of all made it our ftudy to gain the afFeftion of' 
our young ones ; to which purpofe we made every thing a5 
pleaiant and agreeable to thein as poiTible : So far, I mean^ 
as was confiftent with their health an4 improvement. We 
took care never to teize or torment them for things which 
were of little or no confequence; efpecially not to rate ot 
upbraid them before company, which is the moft unpleafant 
thing in the world to young pedple. If any thing was laid Of 
done amifs at Inch times, we took a future occafibti to maks 
remonftrances, which never failed to have a ^Dod cfFefti 
Love is not always fufficient to beget a proper behaviour in 
children; it is neceflary that they (hould aft in foirie cafes 
from a principle of fear : But thefe inftances 6ught to be 
few, and thofe arifing from very material caufes. 

One of our great points was to keep them as touch as po»l* 
fibk from the converfation of the fcrvants, and from Ibito-ing 
in that academy of vice and corruption the kitdicn. There 
was rio other way to do this, than by making tbc-parl6uf 
agreeable ; we gave -them every liberty that ivas not incon-* 
fiftcnt with decency ahd relpeft; We encouraged them to 
fpeak their real ientiments; Ave promoted little fports and 
paftimes. Time hangs as heavy upon children as it does ujloa 
grown perfons. They often get into mifchief, becatife they 
know not what to do with themfelves ; nothing therefore can 
be fo fglutary as reUeving theto in this particular, and bring*^ 
ing objefts befiM'c them both for divetfioo and ifliiH"ovetoenti 
All thefe things coft us many a weary - fetwr, and fent us 
greatly fadgued to our reft ; but the vifible advantage which 
they were of, to the boys and girls, in refpcft to their healthy 
tempers, acquirements, and pteafure> amply repaid all out^ 
labour and attention. 

As they rofe up to man's cftate, we, by degrees, let the 
S f parcnC 



1 



314 THE POLITE MISCELLANY: <rft, 

parent grow into the friend : And talked to them ^th all tb? 
fiuniliarity of fincere and cordial afFedtion. We led tiieixvco 
sfll innbcent divcrfions; we endeavoured not to keep them 
from company, but to introduce them to proper acquaintance. 
We let them follow their own turn ot humour, and only 
infilled oix being obeyed in a few things, which they were 
convinced were neceflary to their health, chara^er, and fuc- 
cds. • 

Thus happily have we as yet fucceeded; we defire our 
children to be good, and are nbt at all anxious that they 
ihould be great. And {6 far hath providence heard our prayers^ 
that we are not lilj:e to have either a famous wit, or a cele^ 
biated beauty in tb^amily. 



TothcPRlNTER, 

SiRy 

As the cKflerent methods^ of courtdup have a^btded not only 
amufement; but likcwife inftmftion, for the youngs* part 
of ^bodi feces, permit me, through the channel cf yoia: 
paper, to lay before your Readers a copy of a letter fent 
by a tradefinan of Wides to a young Lady, who was on a 
party of pleafure in that country laftfummer, bemg^ 
firft ipedmen of affisAion for her; and as it was put mto 
|my hands by the Lady herielf , I can voudi the^' ;Hitbea* 
tiqityrfit. Tours, &c. 

April i6, T.C. 

Augujl 12, 1763. ♦ 

J**** H******s comp&n€nts to Mifs H***»*, «nd 
he hope that (he is well, as he is %t {»-eient, though, my 
Dear, her good company would make him gredale b^M- , 
all through the would. He love her above all tl^i^ in thk 
fublapary would, yet he love truth as well as any body> ai^ 
thereJFore, my Dear, he does not pretent to flatter you; iffll 
It is his Iwpi^efs that he has of your fex what fine wouM bi 
ador'd *em godlefes, but thofo that will judicoufly oWcrw 
your fare looks and fludferian praide— -he thinks it v&hi 
from you ; he cannot but think <rf they are, out much rath^ 
to be ranked amongft the fallen angdls: And therefore i^ 
Dear, g?ve him leaf to tdl you, without flatter, -that amoog^ 
all your fex there is none that does to him afp^ fo fare ai 

yofff 



1 



A COLLECTION OF ESSAYS, &c. 31$ 

you ; he will not fay that there is none fo fare, 6ut this 
he will lay, and Ipeak it truly, there i$ not one in the whofe 
fex he thinks fo fare, or he efteem fo much. There is, lie 
ImowB not what, within your face fumething that charms 
fo unaccontally, that he never fo the likt in any any other, 
and which ^ makes me fet fuch a value on you, that if the 
world were at my fol dilpofal, he wood laid it at your feet. 
So no more from, 

' Your (inceare and faithful! 

and well wiflier to conmiand, 

P. S. Pray let me have a line from your Oner. 



STRIP-ME-NAKED, or ROYAL GIN FOREVER: 
A SIMILE. 

I MUST, I will have Gin !-..~That (killet take, 
Piwn it : No more FU roaft, or boil, or bake* 

This Juice immortal will each want fupply. 
Starve on ye brats ! fo i but bung my ^ye ! 
Starve! No! — TJus Gin does mother*s milk excel; 
I will paint the cheeks, and hanger*s darts expel. — ^- 
The flallet pawn'd already- — ^Take this cap ; 
Round my bare head TU you brown paper lap. 
Ha ! Half ipy Petticoat was tore away, 
By dogs, I fancy, as I maudling^y. 
How tibe winds wbifUes through each broken pane ! 
Through the wide yawning roof how pours the rain ! 
My bcadftead 's crack*d — The table goes hi^-hop — - 
But fee! the Gin I Come; come; thou cordial drop! 
Thou fovereign bsdfam to my loag^ heart! 
Tbou Hufband ! Children ! All ! We muft not part ! 
Delicious ! O ! Down the red lane it goes; 
Now I am a Queen, and trample on my woes. 
]ili|)ir'd by Gin, I am ready for the road, 
Co«ld flioot my man, or fire the king's abode. 
Ha I my brain's crack'd — The rocmi turns round and round. 
^T>own drop the platters, pans, I'm on the ground. 

My tatter'd gown flips from me what care I ? 

I was bom naked, and 111 naked die! 

S f 2 r To 



yi4 TIJE POLITE MISCELtANY: x>ii. 



To] Mr. WHIT WORTH. 



1 



flot hngjince I was in Company ^ where thefubje6l of Cmver^ 
fatiqn.fore^ confi€krc^ble time, tunCd upon Witches and Witch* 
craft. This lead me to think a little upon tlje fubjeSlSy and 
to find ^m thefqlliowing hints for yor^t Magazine. 

lam, ire. 

THIS power of witdipraft, according to the vulgar no? 
tion -of it, is a preternatural power : yet not fuppofed 
to be bom with gr natural to any one; for whoever fu^)eftcd 
a witch, or a wizzard, among infants and children ? How 
then is it to be acquired? How are men to commence their 
pommerce with Satan, to covenant with him to inveft theip 
with it ? Will age ? will a prominent tooth ? will an old wo- 
man's length of beard, or chin, determine her qualification 
to have it conferred ? this were ridiculous to fuppofe. And 
if not fo: How fhall this power be conveyed, or contraftcd 
.for ? where does Satan hold his court, to grant licences for 
infernal mifchief ? * 

And if a means of commerce with the arch-traitor could 
be found out: (which yet feems much more wonderful and 
difficult to comprehend, than any thing it is fuppofed to enable 
men to do:) Yet who would attempt or defire to obtain it, 
pnly for the fake of doing a little temporal mifchief to others: 
and to end, (without any prefcnt advantage to themfelves,) 
in their o\vn certain eternal perdition ? 

E)o perfons, merely becaijfe wicked, know more of Satan, 
and the means of covenanting with him, than the learned, 
the wife, and the good can ao ? it is certainly hard to g^vc 
a reafon, why we fhould think lb. Can they meet, converfc, 
and compa<fl with that prince of darknefsj whom nobpdy 
knows to be ever vifibje. 

Befide ; wickednefs alone is not a qualification to obtain tHis 
/imaginary power : For the worft of men have not been fuf- 
pe(^led to have had it: And yet have been able to do infinitdy 
more extenfive,- and cruel mifchiefs, than thole wHo have 
been ignorantly prcfumed to b^ pofTelTed of it. And indeed 
they leem to want it leaft, who are mofl capable of malevo- 
lence, by their own evil nature and iifpofition. 

Why 



a' colve^VIGn op essays, tScc. \ij 

' Whf^ are witcHes' fuppoTed to be armecl with preternatural 
poWer, iftly do to miichidF? ^nd yet thofe mifchiefs compa- 
ratively fpeaking, arc generally trifling, childifh, and infig- 
nificant. Do their ppwers extend only to giving pigs the 

cramp ; to do mifchief to their nei^bonr's cows, horfes, 

&c.^ — to fet children a fpewing pinp and needles, that nobpdy 

ever faw; or to ride on a hurdle, or a broom-ftick, nobody 

knows whither? -Why cannot the fame perternatural power 
be ever difplayed in works of vifible fignificance, eminence, 
and report? 

If witchcraft be a devilifh power ; as mufl: be f uppofed, 
by being employeci only to do hurt : who can prove the devil 
himfelf, or any demoniacal (pirits, can confer fuch powers 
on any human creature ? It is reaibnable to fuppofe they can- 
wot ; unlefs by particular commiffion of the ibvereign Crea- 
tor. Who then can fuppofe, that a good and gracious 

GOD will grant or permit to be gi*anted a preternatuixil 
power to any agent; only to torment, and deftroy, or do 
mifchief to his innocent creatures? and who can fuppofe 
fuch a power fhould be granted to the moft depraved and 
wicked; which in all ages has been generally denied to the 
beft of men ? 

Why are there believed to be fewer witcl^s and demons 
now in thefe kingdoms, than in former days ? and why are 
they generally lefs credited here, than In Catholic countries ; 
where ignorance and fuperllition, mixt with prieftly cunning, 
have totally captivated and enflaved the minds of the ccun-' 
mon people? 

Why? the reafon is plan: All thefe ridiculous deceits 
and errors arc o^dng to the defefts of knowledge and lite? 
rature, on one part ; and to defign and trick on the other : 
Ignorance is the mother of fuperflition, eafily perfuaded to 
fwallow wonders ; and the moft marvellous becomes the moft 
credible. 

The church of Rome had gained fuch an afcendancy over 
the faith and confciences of their deluded votaries; that no- 
thing was fo impudendy abfurd and incredible, but their au- 
thority could make them believe it. Such, for inftance, 
were the converfations- of St. Bernard with the devil : And 
fuch is the ftory of the Britifti St. Duiiftan's taking him by 
t}ic nofe with a pair of red-hot tongs. Their legends are 
full of fuch idle tales, which, if they try not their difciples 
faidi, may at leaft> fervc to fet them a laughing. But 



3ii THE POLITE MISCELLANY: or. 

But the noble art of Printing gpe birth to the riy9l||f|«arQ^ 
Ing; and the glorious reformatiba of religioOy wl^^^omi* 
menced fbon after, gave a new check to this grofs fuperftkion 
and fallacy. We have happily ever fince improved the xoeaas 
afforded us, to eradicate thdfe prejudices and vulgar errors. 
And we experience every day, that as fdence and learning 
increafes, the vulg;ir notions of fpirits^ apparitions, witches, 
and demons, decreafe and die cf themfclves. But yet the 
total extirpation of opinions and prejudices, which have 
grown inveterate by the encouragement of.many centuries^ 
muft be expeftcd to be a work of time. Reafon and philo- 
ibphy have already done a great deal towards it : time, and 
a farther improvement in letters will do the reft. 

Though tlie reformation foon went a great way, in the 
illumination of ignorance, and the fuppreflion of Popifli errors, 
yet ftiU feme (hare of them ftuck very clofe for a long time 
after ; and that not in the opinion of the vulg^ only. A 
royal hand * gave the world a treatife of learned ignorance 
upon the fubjcft of demooology, about a century and a half 
ago. And what wonder then, if in thaty and the next reign, 
we read f of hundrt^ds fuffering for witchcraft in thefe two 
kingdoms ; and not a very linall propcH*tion of that number, 
in one county only. 

Improvements in reafon, learning, and the reformed rcli* 
gion have fmce that time happily gone on to diiEpate thefe 
idle chimera's. The le^flative power has wifely declared their 
fentiments upon it, aboliftiing the old penal laws ordained 
againft the wild fancies of an ignorant bcain. So that the 
laft execution we have heard of upon tliis fubjeft, is not that 
of a witch; but for the rafh murder of a woman fooliihly fo 
reputed §. 

But what lliall we fay then of Simon, firnamed Magusi 
Who in icripture indeed is faid to have bewitched the people 
with his forccries : And to him the people gave heed from the 
leaji to the greatejl^ hecaufe of a long time he had bewitched 
them with his for eerie s f. Say of him f Why that die fcrip- 
ture here, as ulbal, adapts itfelf to the language and opinions, 
that were current; that SLnon either afted by the rules of 
phiiofophy and fcience; or afFefted and pretended to do {o\ 
by which he got great reputation among the people, and made 

himfelf 

* Kin^ James I. \ Via. Wkitloci's Memoir^. 
§ Of Trlng in Herffordjhire, f A(is viii. 



A COLLECTION OF ESSAYS, &c. 319 

UnrnJ^M^h thought fom^great (me% ^s the famous Friar Bacon 
did b^^ fuperior (kill in phUofophy, particularly in the ufe 
of optic glafles; and as any optician or chymifl might fHll 
do among die vulgar people ; and produce fuch pfodi^s 
to them, as would lead them to believe him mafler of afuper^' 
natural power. And perhaps after all, for any thing that 
appears to the contrary, Simon's deep fldll and cunning in 
drawing the wonder of the people, amounted to no nK>re 
than that of one of our modern gypfies, Or fortune-tellers ; 
unlefs a difference lies in the grofs ignorance of the people 
dealt with. 

But it is farther obfervable, that Magus does not in the 
original fignify what we are now apt to underftand by magi* 
cian. Neither does it imply the exercife of any diabolical 
or fupematural power; or the working any real miracles 
or prodigies? but only that Simon afted in charafttrof one 
of the Eaftern Magi; exhibiting the wonders of art, and 
Icience, and natural philofof^y, to the amazement of the 
people; or perhaps only \^ pretendtJig xo io (o, and barely 
imitating, or counterfeiting the efFefts of their learning. 
He gave out himfelf to be fomebody : And he afted his part 
fo well, as to obtain his end ; he ftruck the vulgar people with 
furprize and veneration ; and to him they gave heed, or atten- 
tion, faying. This man is the great power of OO D, Jf his 
arts and praftices were fuppofed to be infenal, and derived 
from the devil; they could not, at the lame time, be afcribed 
to the great power of GOD, But the devilifti prafticc? of 
witchcraft or forcery, according to the common ufe of the 
words, are no where direftly imputed to him; he is not 
charged with the wickednefspf fuch devilifti works oi male- 
volence and darknefs ; nor are any particular and real powers, 
above human, to be proved upon him. The apoflle reproves 
him indeed, and bids him repent of his wickednefs ; but of 
what wickednefs ? Of aftual witchcraft and forcery ? No fuch 
thing. Simon wondered as much at the real miracles and 
figns of Philip and Peter, as the ignorant people did at him. 
But yet his afFeftation of magifm, his vanity tobeconfidered 
as fomebody ; and his aftually deluding the ignorant multitude 
by his impoflure, (thou^ fins reprchenfible;) were yet not 
fins of fuch a nature, as to hinder his own real belief of chrif 
tian veracity and power; and obtaining thereby a convert's 
tttptifm. Peter knew he was mailer of no fuch baie arts as 

were 



1 



526 THE POLITE MlSCtLLANY; o t, 

tmere pretended^ he knew there really >Vere noD&^dy apd 
that at mod, he could be only guilty of afieftlhgflH^ an^ 
by fuch afFeftation deceiving the people. But his rmmcked- 
nefs -w as, — Becaufe he thought the gift of COD amid be 
fiirchafed with money. 



A NEC DO fE relative to the tate Prince of V/JLES, 

WHEN his Royal Highnefs the Prince of Wales was view* 
ing the curiofities of the Tower, in company with fe^ 
ireral of 5ie young nobility, an old Warder that condufted 
them through, the feveral apartments, among a vaft variety 
of breaft-plates that were in the horfe-aimoury, pointed to one^ 
the lower edge of which had been carried away by a flant 
fhot of a cannon-ball, and with it, as the warder laid, pari 
of the bcnvets and rim of the man's belly that wore it ; notnvith^ 
Jlanding which, being put under the care of a fkilful furgeont 
the man recovered, and lived ten years afterwards, Tfic 
company fmiled at the gravity with \^'hich the Warder re* 
pcated his tale; and the prince, with a gracious condefcen-; 
fion, and as much good-nature and plealantry as if he had 
been talking with his equal, faid, I remember, father, to have 
read fomewhere in a book, a fidry like yours, -^ afoldier who 
had his head cieft ifi twofo dexterCfufly by the enemy, that one 
half cf it fell on one fhoulder and the other hdlf of it upon the 
oppofite fhoulder ; and yet on his comrades laying his hands care- 
fully under the two fides, clapping them nicely together again ^ 
and binding them clofe with his handkerchief, the man did well, 
drank bis pot of ale at night, andfcarcely recolleSied that ever 
he had been hurt.-* — This fimilar ilory fo feafonably applied, 
f^t all the company that attended his royal highnefs in a horfe- 
laugh, which had fuch an effeft upon the old Warder, that 
he nev^er had the colirage afterwards to tell his accuftomc^l 
Story. 






A coLLfecf !dH OF ESS Ay Si ic. iU 

i UJj4^r of the ^^^ Mr. S H E N S t N F. 

Pi-efitcd to his Works jiift piiblifhed; 

AGre^ patt of the , poetical works of Mr. Shcnftone, 
particularly his: Elegies arid Paftoruls, are (as he hira- 
• ielf exprefles it) " the exaft tranfcripts. 6f the fituation of ^ 
^his own mind ; " and abound m frequent iUuiioiis to his awrf 
place, the beautiful fcene of his retfremerit from the world. 
Exclufively therefdre of our natural curloflty to be acqu^nted 
^ith the hiftory of an author, whofe works we perufe with 
plcafurc, fome ftiort account of Mr, Shenftone's pcrfonal cha- 
tafter, and fituation in life, may not only be agreeable, 
but abfolutely neceffary, to the reader j as it is' impof- 
/ible he ftiould enter into the truefpirit of his writings, if he 
is entirely ignorant of thofe ckc,umftanc^ of his Bfc, which 
fometimes fo greatly influenced his reflcSions; 

I could wifti, however, that this talk had been allotted 
to fomeperfon capable of performing it in that mafferly man- 
ner Vhich the fubjeft fo wejl deferves. To confefs the truth it 
waS'Chiefly to prevent his remains from fallWg iitrf the bands 
of any one. ftill lefs qualified to do him juftice, that I have un- 
willingly ventm-ed to' undertake the publicatioh of them myfejf, 
Mr. Shenftdrie was the eldeft'fon of a plain, un-reducated 
tountry gentleman in Steopfhirc, ni^bo farmed.h|5 own cftate. 
The father, fenfibie of his idCii extraordinary. capacity, re* 
folvcd to give him a learned educaticAi, and fent him a com- 
moner to Pcnibroke College, in Oxfc«rd, defigning him for 
Ac church : But tho\igh he had the mofl: a"^eful notions of 
the wiOom, power, and goodnefi of QOD^ he lievcr could 
be perfaaded to enter into orders. In \&i private opiuion, he 
adhered to no particular fe6l, and hated allrel^us4i|pute$« 
But whatever were his own fentipicnts, he alwajs ihewed 
great tendemels to thofe, who differed from hii9« Teoder' 
Xiefi, in every lenfe of the word, was his pecnliaf dbara^- 
feftic; his friends^ bis domeftic^^ his poor ndji^ibouri, all 
daily experienced 6i$ benevolent torn oi vmA. Indeed, 
this virtue in him was often carried to fncfa excels^ lihat it 
£>hietimes bordered npob weakne&V 7^ '^^^ was conviJiced 
tJMX 2iSkj of thole ranked asnoi^ the Boix^r of Isss friends^ 

t t bad 



322 THE POLITE MISCELLANY: c/r, 

^d treated him ungenerouflj, he was not eafl||l|lpxK:lM« 
He ufed a nuxim, however on fucb occafions, fiPp i^ wor«- 
thv of beii% obfefvcd and imitated. * I nevtr (faid be) 
wiU be a revengcftil enemy ; but I cannot, it is not in my na- 
ture, to be haff a friend.' He was in this temper quite un- 
fufpicious \ but if fufpicion was once awaked in him, it was 
not laid ailecp again without difficulty, * 

He was no oeconomiil; the generofity of his tempeir pre- 
vented him from paying a proper regard to the uieof money: 
He exceeded therefore the bounds of his paternal fprtunc, 
which before he died was confiderably encumbered. But 
when one recoUefts the perfcft paradifc he had railed an>und 
him, the hofpitality with which he lived, his great indulgence 
to his fervants, his charities to the indigent, and all done with 
an edate not more than diree hundred pounds a y^r, one 
ftiould rather be led to Wonder that he left any thing behind 
hun, than to blame his want of oeconomy. He4eft however 
more than fufficient to pay all his debts ; and by tus will ap* 
propriated his whole eftate for that purpofe. 

It was perhaps from ibme conflderations on the narrowneft 
of his fortune, that he forbore to marry j for he was no enemy 
to wedlock, had a high opinion of many among thejwr fex, 
was fond of their fociety, and no ftranger to the tcndcreft 
impreflions. One, which he received in his youth, was with 
difficulty furmounted. The Lady was the fubjeft cf that 
Iweet paftoral, in four parts, which has been {o univerfally 
admired ; and which, one would have thought, muft have 
fubdued the loftieft heart, and foftened the moil cJ)durate. 

His perfon, as to height, was above the middle flature, 
but largely and rather inelegantly formed: His face feemcd 
plain till you converfed with him, and then it grew very 
plcafing. In his drefs he was negligent, even to a fault; 
though when young, at the Univerfity, he was accounted 
a beau. He Wore his own hair, which was quite grey very 
early, in a particular manner; not from any afFeftadon of 
fmgularity, but from a maxim he had laid down, thai with- 
out too lavifh a regard to fafhion, every one fhould drefs in 
a manner moft fuitable to his own perfon and figure, fa (hort, 
bis faults were only little blemifhes, thrown in by mature, 
as it were on purpofe to prevent him frcwn rifing tgo much 
above that level of imperfeftion allotted to humanity. 

His charafter as a writer will be diflinguifhed by fimpUcity 
with dcgance, and genius with correftncfs. He had a fubli- 

mity 



A COLLECTION OF ESSAYS, Ice. 323 

mity cqn|l to the higheft attempts; yet, from the indolencfe 
cl his jHjig^f he chofe rather to amufe hhnielf in culling 
fiowcrs^lphe foot of the mount, than to take the trouble 
of climbing the morcf ardjious fteps of Parnaflus. But when- 
ever he was difpofed to rife, his fteps, though natural, were 
noble, and always well fupported.. In the tendemeis of ele- 
^c poetry he hath not been excelled ; in the flmfdicity o/E 
pafloral, one may venture to fey, he had very few equals. Of 
great ienfibility Mmfelf, he never failed to engage die hearts 
of his readers; and amidft the nicef): attention to the har- 
mony of lus numbers, he always took care to exprefs ^th 
propriety the fendments of an el^ant mind. In all his wri- 
tings, his greateft difficulty was to pleafe Inmfelf . I remem'' 
he^ a paflTage in one of his letters, where, fpeaking of his 
love-fongs, he lays— — * Some were written on occafions a 
good deal imaginary, others not fo ; and the reafon there 
are fb many is, that I wanted to write one good fong, and 
could never pleafe myfelf .' It was this diffidence which occa- 
fioned him to throw afide ip^yof his pieces before he had 
beftowed on them his laft touches. I have fuppreffed feveral 
on this account ; apd if among thofe which I have felefted, 
there ftiould be difcovered Ibme little want of his finifliing 
polifh, I hope it j^ill be attributed to this caufe, aadrfcourfe 
fae excufed; yet I flatter myfelf there will always appear 
fomethii^ well worthy of having been preferved. And tho* 
I was afraid of inferting what might injure the charadter of 
my ffieild, yet, as the (ketches of a great matter are always 
valuable I was un^rilllng the PubUcihouldloie any thing ma- 
terial of fo accompliflied a writer. In this dilemma it vnH 
tsSily be conceived that the tafk I had to perform would 
become fomewhat difficult. Ho^ I have acquitted myfelf the 
l^ublic liuift judge. Nothing, however, except what he had 
already pubUflied, has been admitted without the advice of his 
mofl judidous friends, nothing altered, without thdt par* 
ticular concurrence. It is impoffible to pleafe every ^ne; 
but 'tis hoped that no reader will be fo unreafonsd^le, as to 
ima^uQe that the author wrote folely forhisamuTement: His 
talents were various ; and though it may perhaps be aUowed, 
Aat his excellence chiefly appeared in fubjefts of tendernefi 
and fimplicity, yet he frequently condefcended to trifle with 
thofe of humour and drdllery: Thefe, indeed, he himfelf 
'pi ibme laeafure degraded by the title vdiidi he gave them of 
T t 2 Levities: 



1 



J24 THE FOLITE Mt8CELLAN\^: o%, 

Levlths: But had they been ttitirely rejefted, ||f^ ^^^l^ 
w&AA have beeh deprived of fenve jeux ^''^i|||itecdlteiit 
iQ thdrkind, and^Mr. Shenftone's charaf^er as ^Wff^ woq14 
have bced but impcrfeftly exhibited. 

But the talents of Wr. Shenftone were flot confiiied merdy 
to poetry; his charaAer^ as a man of clear judgment^ andl 
deep penetration, will beft appear from Ms profe wirfts. It 
is there we muft fearch for the acutencfs <rf his uncferftandlngj 
and hb profound knowledge of the human heart. It is to be 
lamented indeed, that feme things here are uniinifiied, aUd 
cm be regarded only as fragments: Manv are left ^s fit^le 
thou^ts, but which, like the fpark^ of aiamonds, ^w tiijp 
richnefs of the mine to which they belong ; or like thefd^ 
of a Hercules, diicorer the uncommon ftrength, ai|d extra- 
ordinary dimenfions of that hero. I have no apprdicnfion 
of incurring blame from any one, for preferving thefe valuable 
rcmdns: They will difcOVcr tp every reader the aimh^'s 
fentimcnts on feveral important fubjefts. And there can be 
very few, to whom they will not impart many thoughts, whidi 
they would never perhaps hive been able to draw frcmi the 
fource of their own refleftiofls. 

But I believe little needbefaid to recommend the wridngs 
of this gentleman to public attention. IGs charafter is al- 
ready fufficiently eftablifhed. Arid if he be not injured by 
the inability of his Editor, there is np doubt but he will ever 
"maintain an eminent flation among the beft of oil* Engiidi 
•writers. ^ R. D D P S L E Y. 



A man tf words and net of deeds. 
Is like a garden fulf of wcfds — 



Anontmous. 



THE human mind has been, for time immemorial, com? 
pared to a garden ; wheie the virtues arc flowers, and 
the vices weeds. But as this is a very general allufiodi, per- 
haps it will be worth while to carry the thing a little furtfteir; 
mcthinks otie might lay out, as the Gardeners fiy, every par- 
ticular man's mind, or mental garden ; and it would be pJlii- 
Ant, not only to examine whether there were more weeds «r 
more flowers in it, but alfo to defcribe the feveral Ipeaesittf 
each that feem to be predominant, by their likenefcttf fortfe 

' ^ knowa 



A COLLECTION OF lESSAYS, &c. psf 

Jaaown vizcecb or fibvtrers, in fooie o^rtain property or cxihier^ 
jf man (^^^ords and not of deeds ^ is like a garden fiiU <sf 
'weeds ^ fej^my motto. Jnjhicerity is, iudeed, a very thriv- 
^g plant: But it grows in different men, uadcr the fbrm of 
-greeds, very different in their nature, and tfaeii^ appearance, 

Polkmthesy the Courtier, is a garden full ®f Primhfifi: 
The ftrft opening of your mouthy the^^ery eaijieft bfeath 
•you draw in his prefence, calls bim into vernrfWoom aad 
.genial efflorefcencej every thing you fay and do gives him 
lo much pleafure, that he cannot help expandii^ all tht feiir 
fit^ve facalties of his foul to you. Would you havt him efteem 
you ? He cannot but eftcem a perfon whom he knows net 
how to admire enough. Do you hope for his good offices? 
To be fure he will be proud tp ferve one whom he is happy 
to efteem. — He is all fpring; all opennels and condefcenfion : 
He prevents your wifhes ; he furprizes you with the moft un- 
lexpefted bbjf/ming, 'if I mav be allowed the cxpreffion, of 
•goodndTs and humanity : But it is like the bhjfcmihg of a Primr 
rofe ; it comes to nothing, and it is good for nothing. It 1^ 
the produce^of to-day's fun, which the improved warmth 

* of to-morrow's will dcftroy: It is the effeft of thofe fiaintei?, 
pala* rays, which give neither glowing hue nor real vigour. 
You may look fbr it again when the Rofe has got its fcent, 
and the Carnation its colours; but it will then be withered 
and forgotten. 

Melanoiis IS another man of words, and not of deeds; 
and whoever has any thing to do with him, or to expeft from 
him, will find him a gardep over-run with Brambles, He has 
the art of twifting himfelf about your very foul: Though 
you fed him prick you, though you know him to be all en- 
tanglement, as it were, he will contrive to make it almoft im- 
poffiblc for you to get clear of him. When you catch him 
hurting yo,u in any part, you may wifh and try probably to 
difcngage yourfelf and to quit him; but it is in vain; he^xnll 
cling to you irt anther part, where you did not think of him, 
and be ready to draw you -into a new embitraffment, before 
you have feirly broke through the old one. Under the ap- 

, pearance of lingular friendfhip and affe^iion, he will plant 
a thpufand Thorns in your breaft, and endeavour to miake 
you believe, that it is all out of Z/eal for your intereft.' The 
iohger you truft him, the more clofe you will find his em-. 
brace, but you wfll find at the lame time, that he embraces only 

to 



336 THE POLITE MISCELLANY: oa, 

to htmper and torment you. In (hort, like the {r|al BramkU^ 
he vdU hold you fail to hun with one thorn, and wkyour Hdk 
in that very inflant with another. ^^ 

Etdethon never refufed any thing that was afked qj 
him; xyx ever performed any thing that he promiied: !& 
kind of drowfy indifference prevents his attending either 
to your apf^catio^ or his own engagement beyond the pre- 
feat soinate. Wl^n you afk a favour, he does not reco^eft 
^htt it is improper or impoffiblc he fhoiUd oblige you-— thoudi 
bis telling you fo would probably be the greateft favour he 
can do you. Whatever you want, you have his promife in 
an. iii(bnt ; and you may have it to depend upon for ever, if 
yoKL ploafe, for any thing that Eulethon will do toward per- 
Ibrming it. If you a(k him for the performance, he hais f^- 

fot that promife; but he ^^dIl give you another for it, wfakh 
e will remember juft as well. The poorcft moralift in tht 
world may eafily note the weeds which fuch a garden is full 
of; and may jufUy fay, that it is a fpot overgrown wWrPop* 
4>ies. 

Megafcoptis is a man, not benevolent, butfubjeft to mo- 
mentary fits of good will. He has planned a thoufandichemes 
of kindnefs and generofity, and fpent many a fcditary quarter 
of an hour, in contriving how to bring them abom ; he has 
drawn out in his mind the advice that would make one man 
happy; he has calculated the lum that would fet anodier 
at eafe ; and the neat expedient that would reflore another 
to peace ancTferenity. Could you fee hjf heart at thofe penods, 
you would think it impoflible fof any one to be difcontented 
or unhappy near him. And yet no man can produce an in- 
ftance where Megafcopus was not niggardly, felfifh, obitinate, 
over-bearing : W ith a plentiful fortune he fees twenty relations! 
in diftrefs; he lets his neighbours quarrel, and his tenants be 
ruined, without giving himfelf a moment's trouble to pre- 
vent It: He has never made a friend, nor given away a {hil- 
ling. He is a mere hot-bed; and the virtues of his heart, 

as he thinks them, are only mufhrooms, that rife and diiap- 
pear, and rife and difappear again, with n6 efFeft, and to 
no fort of purpofe. 

PhUatus entered into public life, with a mind tlmt de- 
ferved to be called a garden: It was full of aH the dxoiceft 
flowers of virtue, good humour, and good breeding. He 
preferved it for Ibme time in perfeft beauty aivi order, till an 

unlucky 



A COLLECTION OF ESSAtS, Ifcc. 357 

unlucky opportunity of getting a large fum of moaey by a 
little knavery fell in his way. He yielded to the tempftition 
— -and has ever fince grown gradually meaner^ ahd more 
deceitful and rapacious. That one thiftlc which he admitted 
into his nund, has overfpread and choaked every thing elie 
that grew there; every wind of intereft fcatters the feeds 
of it~-and all that made the flowers bold and lively in their 
day, contributes now to improve the ranknefi^of th^ foul 
crop that fupplies their place^ 

I will carry the reader no farther for the prcfent-*-he wBl, 
be able perhaps to amufc himfelf hereafter with a walk in tho 
moral garden, in the ftrcngth pf thefe few hints and indma-^ 
tions : And fo (ong as there are knaves and fools amongfV us, 
he will never find a weed fo Worthlefs or fo noxious, which 
has not its counterpart in human vice or folly, — ^-from the 
NettUy whofe touch is torture, to die deadly Nightjbad^^ 
whofe berry is deftruftion. 



By DEAN SWIFT, not fublifhed in &y Works. 
A Portrsut from the Life. ^ 

COME fit by my fide, while this pifture I draw. 
In chatt'ring a nuagpye, in pride a jackdaw; 
A temper the devil himfelf could not biidle^ 
Impertinent mixture of bufy and idle. 
As rude as a bear, no mule half ib crabbed, 
She fwelk like a fow, and (he breeds like a rabbit. 
An hoijdewife In bed, at table a flattern, 
For all an example, for no one a pattern, 
Hdw tell me, friend Thomas * Ford, Gratten f, andf 

merry Dan4 
Has this any likenefs to good madam Sheridan ? . 

* Dr. Sheridan. \ Mr. Daniel Jack/on. XTheDean's friend^ 



The CHARACTER of an HONEST MAN. 

NOR high church, nor tow church, nortory, nor whig; 
Nor ihitt'ring young coxcomb, nor formal old prig; 
I can laugh at a jeft, if not told out of time. 
And excufe a nuftake, but not flatter a crime : 



1 



3i8 tHfc POLITE MISGELLANy.- d*^ 

(Jnbiafs'd, I view tbidgs around as they pa6, 
tior fijuiht at the Great dirough a blackening gl$&i 
The faokf of my fricads Vd fcorn lo expofe ; 
And deleft private fcandal, though caft on my foes : 
Iput none to the blufti upott ^y pretence. 
If or immodefty (hocks both good-manners and fenie : , 
No Oman's perum I batc^ though bis conduA I:t|tame» t« 

I can cenfure a cnme.'vtithout naming a name: 
To amend, not expofe, is the turn of my mind^ 
For reproof muft be loft, if ill-nature be join'd: 
When merit appears, tho' In rags I rcfpeft it, 
And will pl^ad virtue s^auf^, St& the world Oiou'd j^jfofkj^ 
^ Cool reafen I bow tq^, wfacre-ever 'tis found, 
/^ rejcHce when true tearplng with honour ii crcwn'd^ ^ 
Nopartylibrvc— -innoqujttrel Ijoin — . ^ / .. 

Nor damn tlie opinion that differs from mine. 
Ko corruption I fcreen, though no treafbn I flag: 
tm a fiiend to my countiy, yet true t6 my King. 



On the Bujios of Sif Isaac Newtojc, Mr. LocIce, i;c. fei 
up by her late Mt^ejiy ^eefi C A R O LI N E Ifc^^ 
Hermitage dt Richmcmd. i « 

'^'-"Siti memores alios fecere merendtL * * 

BEHOLD, O ftrangjer new from f<»-eign labd^ 
Where (laVes obey wfiat lawlcft will cbtnnaaa^f *' 
Where ftatucs to the proud oppreflci- riic, - *^ ^ 

i^ hflk)d-wiok'd feith has put out reafc8*s eye*; *" /; 

Behold! the honours Caroline ordain* ] * 

To thefe great fouls, who wrote tor breiak your Chairirf '* 
Unerring nature's equal laws to fhew, * 

B>c&rib'd to all above, and all below. '^ ^ T " 

Example rare 1 O Britain Weft! to ht^ 
Thy Queen declare for truth and Ifterty. 



^ ^ % 



A COLLECITiON OF ESSAYS, «tc. 3^9 



j rmarkaHle ANECDdTE of MiBOISSt, a ceUbratd 
FrcncB^pramatic Wtiter* 

MBOISSI, tjic author <tf feveral ^pprotrcd dft^tiatiG 
# j^eces, add eij^eciaMy of one which was defervedly 
^fteeoied^ called Le Francois a Londres^ (the Frenchmafl 
it Loadcm) bad not found himielf exempt from the nfual 
Htt of thde wbc^ cultivate the mufes. Even that ipot, faid 
te be the leaft bmren one of Pamaffus, the Theatre, had* 
produced to him litde mcft-e than a Scanty maintenance for 
nkafetfy his wife, and one child. Irifhort, misfcrtune?, want 
of cecotiomy, perhaps, or vtifhatever elfe might be the caufe> 
vft caifQot w;ell fay, but he was deduced' to the moft depte- 
ral* extremities of want. 

In this condition', finkirig under iJie !adignkie^ of his fate^ 
he had, however, 'too ntuch of tfeat fpirit whicb charafte- 
riaes genius, to debafe himfelf by mean ippiications cfr medi- 
dint letters. He had friends, whde kindnefs his need of them 
flad not «ri)aufted5. and whohi, for that very reafoh, he was 
the xadeG averie from trouMing. But his friends were but 
theijnore inexcufable, if they knew his difirefe, not to fave 
ifm the pain of an application. However, Boifli, overcome 
with the irkfomenefs of his circumftances, embraced a re- 
folution of taking the (horteft way out of fee world, that of 
deaths Ami in the light in which he confidered i(f, as a 
fhendly relief froln further mifery, fie hot only perfuaded 
Us wife to keep him company, but not to leave behind them 
a boy> a chad of five years old, to the Mercy of a wc»*ld 
In whid^ they had found fo little. Probably the example 
a Richard Sn^th, 1^ much the fame (ituation, an example to 
^lifUdiV ¥Qttah:e*s recording it gave fuch notoriety, might 
haye its (bskt in the fatd determination. 
,. This reiblisck>n now formed of dying together, there re^ 
iliwed nothin^i^but to fix die manner of it. The mofttor- 
ttfrous one was chofen, that of hanger, not only as^dieihoft 
iaturd confeqience of their condition, of which it might 

EfsfortheiavoluntafyeffeA, but as it feved a violence which 
ithcr Boifti nor his vdfe could find in their hearte to ufe 
Hb one »X)di^. In that folitude then of thek apartpotent, in 
U u ' which 



2^ THE POLITE MISCELLANYt •», 

which the unfortunate need fo little apprehend their being 
cQifturbed, they rdblved_to wi^t ^i^h unOiakeo oooftsoicy t^ 
arrival of their deUverer, though under the mwpttf^iiAm fodb 
of famine. They began then, ami refolutely proceeded on 
their plan of ftarving thexnfelves to death, with thdr child« 
If any called, by chance, at thdr apartment, finding it laefce^ 
and noanlwer given^ it was only conduced thainobodyvii 
at home. Thus they had all the time they could wiflilo 
•confummate theV intention. But what can deceive or damp 
a tnie friend? They had one, it iecms, of a foroiae Ml 
much fuperior to their own, and whom, for that -rcafoe^ 
and frc»n the dread of being an inconvenience to him, tfacf 
had never acquainted with the extremities to which they mfm» 
aflually driven. Tln» friend h^d been one of thofe ;wlio 
had called at their q)artmeDt, and finding it (kiit ttp, oala- 
rally concluded, as others did, that Bdfli and his isixoHf w^ 
gone out, or perhaps removed. XJfoa refieAioa ho^exrer, 
or from diat kind of inflinfl with which the ifmt of frieod- 
fliip abounds, he began to apprehend that fomething muft 
be much amifs with his firiend, (though he could ciot gUfeTs 
wbzt) that he could neither find him at home, nor gidoaiqf 
intelligence about him.. Under this anxiety, he reuinned 
to Boiifi's apartment; and whether any motion or ooii^iiia 
within betrayed his being at home, or whether bif ,friaid 
began to fuipeA fomething of the matter, no answer beipg 
returned, he forced opqi the dpor. t*/* . 

Boifii and his wife had been fo much in earned, ifaat it 

was now three days fince they had'takeniany ifiifieoance; 

infomuch that they were now got fo far on their way loidbrfr 

intended home, that one may fay they touclj^ tbe^^tes 4ifii|ft. 

The friend, entered as he was into the room where .#19 

^fcene of death was going forward, foutjd them akead^^ 

filch a fituation, that they feemed infenfiblei)f htt^Mitntto; 

Boifli and his wife had no eyes but for one iufiothar,-N^jAd wwEe 

not fitting, but fupported from falling t^ the gix>UBd by two 

chairs, fet oppofite to each other; their hattJs locked^Qge* 

tlier ; and with their ghaftly looks, langu^y dc^eflol; m 

which might be read a kind of rueful con^^affiony&r the 

child that hung at the mother's knee, and ieemeidarif^^x^* 

ing up to her for nowiftiment in its natural tenacioufcefi 

of life. This groupe of wretchedn^fe did potkfs Aocjt^i 

affiit the friend. Soon (K>lkfting from drcumflances 6ie 

mcaiapg 



A COLLECTION OP ESS AYSr&c. 331 

ineaning of all this, his fiift ' care was iwit to cisfd&uiixB 
*With BoiiB^r Ms mkl^Mt to engage them to receive His 
•fucedors, in which he ^nd no fittle difficulty. Their refo- 
^ution*- had been taken in carneft; they were now got over 
'ftc wofrft; and were in view of their port': The faihtn^s 
"which* had fodreeded the almoft idtdUetable tortures of hua- 
^igex, had deadened thdr fenfe to them aid t<i life. They 
might, befides, conceive a falfe (Jiameof not goin j througn 
•wltii^^^at they had thus refolvedj a kind.dTflur bciqg 
too often imagined to attend a fuidde begun and not finiihe^ 
"15 if it fuppofed a fdlure of firmnefe. The friend however 
tdNIk the right way to reconcile them to life, by making th« 
^eMid jcrni his interceffion; the child, who could have 
none ciP thcr prejudices or reilbns they might for not retraft- 
'kg, aifd ^o, though he had Utde life left, had fiill enough 
' cot ta be otit of lovewith it. The inftinft of fclf-prefervatioia 
wofkSng its ufoal effeft, he held up his little hands, and, 
ift concert with the friend, intreated his parents to confent 
to their idief. Natui^ did not plead in vam. The friend 
Acn proceeded, helplefs and unattended as they were, to pro- 
€ire them immediate food, with proper precaution and cor- 
«f IBals. Nw left he then till he had feen them in a way of 
* recovery to fife, and given them all the money he hadtboiit 
fcim. And thus Boiffi, by his tender care, dcaped at Paris 
giving the fecood edition of the tragedy of poor Otway i;^ 
Lon^m 

This ftory tmmedktely took air; it reached the "ears of 

Madam Pompadour, who Inftantly took him under lier pro- 

•eftion; felt hkD preftnt relief, and procured the at-lengtH- 

-iKdrtunate Boifli the' place of Comptroller of the Mercury 

de-Ftamep' cf no ihconfiderable income, in fpite,/of the 

vcndeavoors of her brutal brother the Marquis deiMfar^tri^, 

>i5' divert her benevolence. 

^A' Bacchanalian JD VENTURE of the pnftnf. KiNC (f 
* PRUSSU. tranflatedfrom the Ba^onde BIELFMLD's 
tetters i lately pubUfbed^ and fuppreffid fy Jutl^ityt ajt 
BERLIN. ^ ., . ^ 

^TT is ft flattering pi^hire whkh tfras writer draws irf tbfe 

X ^urt eS his PrulHaD Mijeftv, then Prince-Royal, IS III 

^ itfais kept at Rbetolburg during the life dT his. father. Aft^ 

V II 3 having 



I 



1^2 THE POLITE MJSC£1-LA<4¥: p f^ 

principal people of tjoth Texes, and particulariy ajI ^ ^4i0| 
and t^fincefi, with their ordinary nsitnper pf Kvk^ hm j^ 
Cfeeds to relate the adrentare ot a little cpurtly cieb«ttGh» i| 
jMrhich both the royal per&nages werefo intin]aidy;ofB(eenM4 
that It had like to have coft the relator of k very dptar, $^ 
iufScienrly warned hin^ of getting drunk with ndq^ c^ 4di^ 
blood-ifoyal ^g^. " It is thus. Madam, (fi^ys 4k^ Bareo 
to a fair correlpondent) our days pafs away ia i»fe -Mid ^ppa^ 
^uility^ occafipnly heightened by every pleafare cap i ()i» iif 
^atify)ng a rational mind. Wx eat like kiE^g^, drMc^vi^tliJiie 
the ne^w of the Gods, and have the mn£c of the ^pliiNS 
to accompany our repairs; theie, with ddightful «iailF%ifis 
)nto the woods and gardens, parties on the water,- ^ ^^id^ 
vation of X^etters and thf? polite arts, all fpvdfigt .^ rn;^ 
this enchanted palace a terreftrial paradiie. &tt^ar^dieiit% 
no perfeft felicity in human life, the pieafures I j»»ve eHjiyiiJ 
^t Rheinfberg, have been gready allayed by the pain ^ ^ h^ 
apcident which, vdth your Ladyihip's leave, I wilLre^t^ 
you. Buty to anticipate the Cataftrophe, I moft aeqiMiiic 
yoQ, you will foon fee me at Hamburgh, w»di twpm^ifi 
fny forehead, a black eye, and a cheek embeUiibed v^i^ lA 
the f:oloui;s of the rain^bow^ AU theie pretTf «c<}«y^0Q% 
J made at a late Bacchanalian party ; upon which yo« will fNh 
bably 'f^^ they are very natural attendants. Aboiit-«^^ai$* 
pight ago the Prince-Royal being in a very good huod^ ft 
dinner, the fpirits of the company Wfre very rftg^aaib^*^^ 
by his extraordinary vivacity. The champaign wtnt^briftlsr 
round, and his highnefs feemed pks^d wii^lhe f^qie&i^jf/^ 
cordingly on riCng from tabic, he intimated his defign ftf 4tf^ 
Ing up the ball ag^n in the evenk^ where We tb^a ki^^lf^ 
^Jn coofequence of whkii, as I went out from ^ €ei|i^, 
he ordered me to go to the Princefs's apaftna^ti i?^ei^ 
as foon as (he had done jJay, we fliould renew the party, 
and keep it up till every man might fiijd his way heme wbhofQi 
n. amdic by the V^ht of champaign* I took this dialliHi^e • 
>jcft, knowing that matches of this kind fcldom come lo ally 
'thiftg when prepared for fo long beforehand. The Jj^iilie^, 
however, gave me to nnderftand, that his highnefs was really 
io eameA, mi that I IKould be f^ly caught, ^tf etEt& nlfo^ 
i foon: found put hew it was like to turn out, HMril^ Mrdly • 
|at down tio table, 4iefore the Pmee put round ftvailtdttfis, 

« which 



4 CO^JtECfiOH OF; M**Y«„Jc«i ^j| 

'if 

between J^.^rincf and ih^compe^f\ "^X ^^kh the giraye^ 
|>erfooages preieiQ; ^^4 not tiprbqir laogbifig; in flM>r^ 
<|ur mirtb became, general; |:he ladies diemfebres fkrtakii^^lf 
|t as well as :We« / In ajtMout |:wp bours Ipme of ns b^n t^, 
f^efie^i l^t it fif^s isipo^lble tp jK>ur wiiie conftafirtiy ffito 
^ Q^ viithoutkt^ii^ It fooietimes out. Neceflky h&dno 
Jl^: Nor foujlij 97^ ^ prefence of the PriQcefs-Rc^y4 
jfr^vgit us feom going o^t to breatb^ ^ little frefti air. Tim^ 
Jaypwey^ b^ fucb an effeft op me, that >yhen I r^tumcfi 
to, ihe iUoQU, 1 began to find myfelf not a littie difordered. 
.JLdetarnuned therefore to mix with 0iy wine a fufficiei}^ quan- 
tity ,of watery of whkb there had ftood a lafge decanter 
before mc. During my abfence, however, tl^ Princcfa, 
^ho &t q^poiite, bad artfully changed the water for a clea^, 
,jU[^Q>arent wfute- wipe v'ib that, having loft the dtftindHoa 
^f tafte, I poured it profufely into my glafs, arid beam^ 
quitfs iptp2ucat<d by endeavouring tq drJftk myielf jbber. 
^o compl^ my downfal, the Prince-Royal infifted on my 
-fitf^ iSieft has Highnefs, when taking the opportunity to fay 
ji number oi flatterii^ things, a^d to extend my views as 
^iar into futurity as nay feeble pptics could let me, he plietl 
.me \yith burnper after bumper, till I icould indeed hardly f^ 
^y thing prefent* At the feme time the reft of the com- 
pany were, naoft of them, equally afFefted by thene£Var that 
nowed iii fuch plenty^ on this occafion. One of the ladies, 
in particular^ who was pregnant, found herfdf under the 
neceffity of taking an abrupt leave for a ftiort interval. This 
a£UoQ was efteemed fb admirable and heroic, that all the 
^mpany joined j^ paying her the due compliment fcr it, 
"^pn her return. Never perhaps was woman {o much applauded 
4pr fuch an expedition. At length, whether by acadent dr 
d^fign, the Princefs^Rpyal broke a drinking-^afi. This 
Qgnai Was enough for our i^petuofity, and appeared an ex- 
ample worthy of imitation. In an inftant our glaftb flew 
: s^ainft the fides of the &loon, smd the china, lufh-es, nrir* 
fours, '&c. were alfo broken intat;ep thouftnd pieces: The 
Prince, in the midft of this general deftruftion, calmly 
looking about him, and, like the man of fortitude in Horace, 
hearing the mighty crafh, and fmlling at the ruins, ♦ Tumult, 
however, fuccecding to mirth, his Highnefi very.pru- 

prudently 



|)% T4i< l^OifTE MISCiCLLANY: ok, 

{Hrod^tly vi^thdftw, and by the affiftance df Jiis p^[es» readied 
his t^psactment. ' -iThe Princefi alfo dUappeared the &me bx^ 
inenf. As to myielf, not ^nding a fing^e footiten hnmant 
«ough to direft my reeling ftcps and prcferve my lettering 
"^figure in eqnilibrio, I got to the edge of the great ftair-cafe^ 
(and fairly rolled down from the top to the bottcxiiy \dicre 
I lay fome time without fenfe or motion. There aUb I ixii^t 
pofiibly have expired, had not an old houfe-maid come by 
^diance that way in the dark, and ftumbled over me: Upoa 
which takii^ me for a great (hock dog that Is about the Pa^ 
lace, (he gave me a hearty curie, and at the fame tune a vio- 
lent kick in the belly. But finding afterwards that I wi$ a 
man, and what was more, a young courtier^ flie bqran to ' 
have fome compaffion, and called out for aflKfauice; whoi 
jmy fervants coming up, they carried me home to bed. A Sur- 
geon was fent for, who bled me, drefled my wounds, and 
thus brought me a little to myfelf. The tasxt ii|oming Acy 
talked of a contufion and a fraAure, and of my fubmitting 
to the trepan : Of this, however I am qtiit, with only die 
terrible apprehenfions of it, and a fortnight's confinement to 
my bed: During which time the Prince hath been lb kbd as 
.to viCt me every day, and to contribute every thing in Im 
Ipowcr to my cure. The next mwning the whole coiHt was 
in ^ whimfical diftrefs; neither the Prince nor any of hb 
Centlemencouldraife their heads off their pillows; the Prin- 
7cefs being obliged to dine alone. For my part, I fufier^ 
,very confiderably from the hurts I received, and have had 
ftrfficient Idfurc to moralize on my adventure^ At pre^^ 
however, I adopt in part the Italian proverb, Paffato U^j^ 
xula, gabato il fanto, and laugh among the reft at my o#tt 
misfortune. This evening's work will not be fbon forgottf% « 
at Rheinfberg, where fuch BacchanaBan exploits are butjPSre. 
The Prince-Royal is by no means a drinker. He facrifices m 
yet only to Apollo and the mufes; though there may come a 
-time when he ihall eceft as ipany altars to Mars." " ., m 

Our noble author hath lived to fee this prediftion fufilled, 
and even to fufFer himfelf much more from the nArtiai expe- 
ditions of the King, than from the Bacchanalian exploits #f 
the Prince. 



METHOD 



A COLLECTION OF £aS.AiYS» ^^ ^jf 



vL 



METHOD &f preparing PEAS for HOG^,^ ^ 

A FEW years ago I had a plentiful crop of peas(»i a teti*' 
aae piece, which lies near my honfe; when they were 
fall podded, and nearly ripe, I had themv hoolced in the 
ufnal manner; but b^ore I could get them in, there came 
a heavy (hower of rain, which wetted th^m through and 
through ; ^ and the dull heavy weather, with frequent ffiowers, 
wludi followed, prevented their drying for a confiddrabie 
time. • ^ , ' 

I caufed the wads to be from time to time turned, to pre* 
vent the haulm from rotdng ; and at length, a few days fim«; 
fliine dried them enough to be inned j fpr as they lay hollow, 
the wind was greatly afliftant to the operation. 

Befcxe I got them m, on exainining ibme of thf pods,. I 
found the peas were all fprouted to a conflderable Iieng(h : 
This was what I had eXpefted, and I gave my crop ov^r for 
loft, till after a little recoUeftion, as the weathd: ffill con- 
tinued fine, I determined to threfti them^ in the field. ^ 
This was accor(fingly done; and the com, after it was 
toft and riddled to feparate it from the rubbilh, was dried on 
my msdt-kEn, 

When this operation was over, I began to refleft in what 
manner I fiiould difpofe of my peas, bong fenfiUe that they 
dDuld not be proper ior f(^d, and {landing no chance q£ di^ 
pdfing of them to any advantage in the market. 

At length, as it was then a time of war, and of couria 
there was a great demand for pork for the ufe of die navf, 
i^^cfetermined to buy in a confiderable number of leatn hogs, 
that I maght by their means confume this crop on my owfl 
{H-emlfes, and in that make the moii of it. 

My expeftations were more than anlwercd ; for I found; 
by repeated experience, that three bufhels of the peas I have 
mentioned went nearly as far in fattening the hogs I bought, 
as four bufh^s got in dry and hard, in the manner ufi^y 
praftifed.' i 

This difcovery I made feveral years ago, and it has turned 
out to my advantage; for, fince that time, I have been quite 
indifferent as to the weather in whuch my peas are hooked, 
being rather better pleafed^ as far as relates to them, widi 
wet, than dry weather: But If the weather happens to be 

dry 



}|6 tMl^ JHOtk-tB MLiitiSELUid&i Mki 

dry at the time th^y are ripe, I always caufe as many as I 
i*ant for feedxqg my Jb<igii which are not a f(ti«ia a year, w 
be regularly malted in the fame maimer, nearly as barlqr: 
This managemeot Im of late, focxxeded very w^ with me, 
and I ther&re i^teod t^ condove it. 

Befides feeding my hog^ with thefe malted peas I hire 
tUb often ghrea them lo my bocfes, witk Hftfakh tin^ agM 
Tivy well, and a)» heartening fisbd. 
, Turkeys will &tten apace (^. them alfo, and be fine me^ 

1 have ^idM my medted pea^ tx> maay other iries, uriuiii 
i have not, at preient, time to enumerate: But were they 
«fly liied fofr feeding hogsand horfes, it is ft3I worth #h8d^ 
fvefiare fi>me In this maaBcc etery year. ■-< 



ieni with a Piece of painted fhferid ^ilk to lady Cbajrki 
SpeHcety vjho had/aid Jbe was knv in Pkhet, imdciuld 
not afford to buy, it her/elf^ ^ 

By the Right Honourable Ladjf JEM^J^. 

SINCE the times are fo bad and ire ftill growiig vunt&f 
Yon may call this your own wid)6tit finkmg -^xxrfkCtr 
The nymf^ and the faims, fay the pattern U ngm; ^ 

And that Flora's gay pendldefigni^it, IsMnt; % . 

It Was finifli'd and demn'd for btemty's faif* Queen; ; ^* "-': 
So to vA\Dm it beloi]fgs is mc^ eafily leeo. 
i%o* flowVetsfoon^^tfaef, yet tliefe wfflneftitte/ ? 

When fadk^, revived by a beam from your iye; P^^^ 

If yoti only breathe on them theyil fill the whole rostoa^ ' 
With Iweets far fiirpafling Arabians peifume. ^ ^ 

Refufe not this trifle, your title is dear. 
And Spencer will vouch k, dio* married a year/ ' - "^ 



w 





I 



4 COhl,tDT;i0H.Of ES54irS; «fc. jjj 

An AccQiJNf 4 M.M^vairMMt rHA-tn^ 

' on T^oi^^t^itxo^: . 

THI? trcjtife wa[s pcxafid^cd }>y the unjuft condcmna- 
ticld aiad ^xecudo^ df Jblia Calas;.a' Proteftant of Tbu-? 
l0u&, for ^ttxe fuppio&d murder of his ^io'n Mark Antonyjj 
vho \^QS ^uijpedted dF t^ing incUfied to the Rc^n (i^tbojia 

ireligioii; ' . . . • . . ,, . , - 

Id ihe firft cha^tdr,ttieauthdlr tiaviiijg 0ycpii ps/rSo^uaj^ 
relation of tlia^ €Vf ot^ iiiteifpdrfea vdth pertinent r^ 
and in the fiicce<^ing c»ie5 ne arg^^^ 
the unchrlftian ipirit ^diidi thefei^catcrrs of C^lafaddt^ 
Cathc^c^sf in geiienU discover againft thofe of a eontri^ dst- 
fuafion. Hq d)feryes/ that in times c^J^crance and baf^ 
barity, they facr)£cec( enou^ pf , huiEnan blood to the dobrqc^ 
of the church. That this mot-e enlightened and f^^'iyfjM 
tan verjr well difpenje \Wth fuch %rificesj arid uiii}i^^^ 
^BKifgerous Hugeoots and Fanatics migH navf; beeri.fbrimt^^ 
<hey i^oaot find followers eaougS tg render them j|>nm4a|3li 
iif. pr^jfent. Kte proves both miiSiTc^i^ diid^fdQ^,[Jti2Li'i 
free td^tion of all religion^ fo far frpmjb^inglidw 
6f the order and peaCe of fodety, eftabUfhc^ it u^u'tS^ 
broadeii bafis^ He biiag^ as ah evicfehce an opiilent jptdviocci 
in F^rance^ where the Lutherans su^e J^c^fi^umorAUd^^ 
Ca^holics^ have; a part ii;i.ti^ adn^^^ ^d live m 

Utmoft ikrmony with them. A^hiihh^!?^ y^ppi^, WFfiS ^ 
t^ fead an Asab^Ulfor his fartner^^^^ 9Pd.f S&^ian 
forjns receivar|iaid^c!kinowIedged u^ thofe ^^o^c^iled bi^ tor 
txpd thena, ths^ fhpHS^ they Wr^ fcrely damned: W to 
pther wdrkt yet be founa them e^treniely ferviceablcinf .(fakf 
TThe Grand Sigqior, who g^x^tns in per^ tranquillity^ 
|>eople of twenty different xeUg^ons! In India, Perna, ICafT 
f^, China, where there is :^e fame ^berty and th^' l^t 
&;jmquiUity: It is true, Zant Chin expelled, the ^efeits; i| 
Was not b^cairfe the empetor was of a peila:utii;ig difi»;>fitiony 
but that they were. The Japonefe tolerated twelve inoflfe^- 
iive religions: The Jefails made the dxirteenth, ari^raifeil 
$, dvil war. 

He next propofes to the Romin Catholic countries^ ihf 

^Mbe plan for ;oler^tlng the Proteftants w)>tch we purfue m £iir 

\ X X gW,' 




^^8 , t6e POLitE MtSCfeLlAkY: ol, 

land, with rcfpcft to the Catholics; and remarks, thit manj* 
iich families would wiUingJy return to their own native coish 
,try; could they enjoy the common proteftionof the laws, andi 
follow the diftatesof their. coniaences. 

He then inquires turhcthcr perfecutiOn is a n^ral rig^t; 
if it is, fiiys he, a Japonefc fhoald hate a CMncfc, who oug^t 
to detefl an inhabitant df Siam, ind he peffectite die i^a- 
bitaflts of the Indus; a Mogul (hould tear out the heart of 
the Hrft Malabarian that he met, the Malaharian Cat th& 
throat of a Perfiari, and he maflaCre a Ttnic, afid'all toge- 
ther fall upon the Chriftian^, who have fiaf ^ long timie de- 
voured one another. * ' * 

But the greateft part of his treatife is ftlken up Jn inqi&ring" 
into the fentiments and condufV of the Greeks) Romans, and 
Jews, as to this article ; and he endeavours to prove, tfiat 
Dotwithllanding there may be a few exceptions', yet upon the 
*rhole, they all afted upon the principles of tderatjon. If 
Socrates was an example of the contrary amongft tte Greeks, 

gt he aflSarts Socrates is the only one they ever jkif to'dcatilf 
r opinions, and that he brought this fate upon hhnSSf, by 
Imprudently oppofifig the popular fentiments. TheHottbiny,- 
he obfeftrei, ttrcre the freeft peop^p in the world, in alireli- 
^du$ matter^. T*heir poetsf ana orators ^ke aiid wrotcf 
tvhat they pleafed albout the gods and a future fta*e; the 
fimate allowed inter-community of diets, and the fonqtrerors, 
&ough they ofteh impofed laws upon the vanquHKed, yet! 
they did not prefcribe thdr reli^on. 

With relpcft to Aeir treatment of the dJ^IftFans, lie en- 
deavours to prove the writers of church-Mftetty hfTVe exag- 
gerated every drcumftance; that many Weire infoted iiSPtiic 
Kft of martyrs that died in their beds, fteeeec&jg from vt 
mifapplication of the word martyr, wbidi origihiSy figsi- 
fied to witnefs, and not to fuffer. •' ' ' 

He quotes feveral paflages from thie faSi^ tcrpKpve; tfiif 
In thefe tery periods hiftorians record as the mdftlevcrc fcaf 
(tit chriftians, they enjoyed as a community peace and tran* 
iquillity. Some few he acknowledges ^ere put fo deadi,- 
feut he fuipefts it was rather for affairs 6f ftatfe, and upon 
account of their ill-timed zeal, ^nd their infolence towards 
'ihe civil ma^ra'tc, than fer their religiolis tettcts ffiiipy con- 
fidered; fm(» it is reniarkable, that the chriftiafts ^i^iBf« per-* 
4ttitt«d to vlfit thefe martyrs in prifen, follow diem to their' 



^ 



A COI^LECTIO*! ^^jfi^^YfjH^. ^^9 

aecuUoo,. and^enxQffd.bi|r}c^ optt^ 9fA ^miught 

miracles with their relics. .■ , r *./";.•... 

The Jews he defcrlSes as aa igm»«Eity i&coiifxttc^t, 
barbarous people/ Void of.:the leaft trtces of . geserefikty 
and magDaoimityy whofe condu^ was often fui^le, u^d 
worthy th^ partial* and bloody law|| but yet he; auqifs, 
that there brojce put^ ^t interv^,^ t&e beams of a univer|a[ 
toleration, darting forth from tills dark doud of barbai-ifm, 
,He founds this latter part of his ailettipn upon 1^ ^owi^g 
particulars^ the choice Jo(hua.^ves tadiel^i^tes whettMcr 
(they would ferve the LORD, or the gods of the natious. 
Mofes erefts a brazen ferpent in the wildcmefs, though he 
himfelf had exprefsly forbid the worflbip rf images. Solo- 
mon and Jereboam were bqth groTs idolaters : The hiftory - 
of Micah and the I-evite recorded in Judges xyii. and xviii. 
Elifha permitted Naaman ,the idolater to go and worihip his 
god in the temple of Rinunon. GOD calls Nebuchadnezzar 
his fervant, and Cyrus his anointed, though they were *oth 
idolaters. He interefted himfelF in the prolperity of the Nine- 
vites, as well as his own people the Jews. Melchizedeck, 
though a high-priefl:/ was not a Jew. Balaam the idolater 
wa$ a prophet of theLORDl Thus does fcripture/ he fays, 
teach tts, not only that the great GOD tolerates all nations, 
^ut that he has a jp^ernal ^arc over them, and yet we muft 
perfecute them. 

He next proceed^ Jo^jrove, tjiat the Jews in fiwne points 
carried freedom of faitiment to a furprifing length, fo that 
their difie^nces in opinion were much greater than thofe 
which divide even thei Catholics ^^ Proteflants; and yt 
th^y were never the caufe of any diflurbance or perfecuti^a 
amongfl them. The Sadducees denied a future ilate, or t^e 
esdftence of angels, yet high-priefts have been chpfen from 
this fedl: The Phardees believed in fatality and metempfy- 
choils : The £flen«^ thought that the fouls of the ji^ft woijld 
. go to fortunate idands. ^ .• 

In the chapter. ft^oT^ing he enquires, whether JESUS 
iiHniicated a perfeicuting fpirit. He explains thofe^iswpaf- 
£iges which have been alledged to prove that he did, and re- 
mar)cs, that the life and aAicins and dilbourfesof our ^- 
viour, preadied nothing but mildijiefs, padsnoe and fprf> 

" - - ■- -; -.i 

Xx2 TIk? 



virbii^ 8^^"^* ^^* ^**^^y fti^okcs and noble fen^eti^'. ' fij 
dtt Kf^p&moS^^ ap<i fetal cfkCt^of bigotry, . 

thtf i1tfh<!if hbLmtfong zeal ; in inother be points out in ivfaat 
AgulW^mocs perfccutiop niay be JawFyl, that K vrb^ it 
' Has for it$ W^^ l^itUncptJ ftd focieties deftru.4livc to tbc 
public ti^wKty. "^hu^ itis pohinrfn, fays he, taaboKfh 
flic " Jcimt*46 riiakef a gpoS' cititch, ip reftrain men from cot- 
ting Aie &t>fflcr'$ iftroate; for though they may a^rttf^ 
th^ art tfe true ftfcc^/"4nd otily exterminate \VplSrtis, yet 
ftitir eonduft^rpvisi^eifi |o Ijc wolyes themfelyes. Id 3te- 
tho: chapter hejiroijlifics ftHrcral atteftations againftperfecutionj 

Slin from the ajiddit fathers, and eminept n^pdems in the 
Oman diurch. Some aarc drawn up in dialc^es^Ctts^t 
parties of different pations and in opftoRie drcumftanccs ; 
another prefents us with a fuppoled letter to Le 'f elBer, the 
Jefuit, which expofes with great humour the e^ttrai^^^Bit 
principles of a zealous fon pf the church. Bi^t vit&ail g^c 
our readers, perhaps, a bettier idea of his mariner of ' Wiiti%, 
by prefciitittg them with an intirc chaj)tei-, than by bdng 
more pfolix in our general accbunt. * * 

CHAP. XVL 

Ji Diahgtic iiiwixt a dying Man and one in Httfkt;: 

A dtizen in one of the cities of yrpveftce was in the ar 
gonies of d^th, wheti a man in the vigour 6^ health ;came 
tb infult him in his laft nibm^nts. Wretch, lays he, thiik 
%% I d6 imtncdiately, fign this writing, acktip\rted^e that 
ft^ propofitiohs • are m i book which neither, you fi5|" 
I hat^ read ; adopt the fehtiments of Lam&an agaihft B^«)- 
ger,* 9iiid St. Thomas a^infl Bdn^enture. Embrioe the 
fteond council df Nice againft the council of Pranc^tSrtf, Ek* 
plain to trie this inonient, lio^ thefe words, My Yat^ritr 
jf^rekm thkh /, exprcfsly figtiify, / am as great ds pe* H^ 
the how the Father ctMnmunicatcs to the Son all bufelii^ 
jpatcrhal charafter, or your bpdy' fhall be thrown td thft. 
doge, "yp^if dwidren ttM. be ftript of their inheritioce, your 
^fe of her portion, and your whole family fhall hhg tl*ir 
tfcad from fudi as myfelf, who will never relieve you. 

Dying 



. DymgMan. I can fcarcdy hesti^vrtmt you'fejr to o^s- 
Your threatenings confufedly reach my ears, they trouble my 
foul, and render my death terrible: For GOD's fake have 
pity on me. 

Barbarian. ' Pity! 1 c^ have none if you arc not intlrely 
of my opinion! 

D. M. Ahs I 'you faiow that itj thefe laft moments every 
ienfe is decayed, all tjie avenues of my underftanding are 
clofed, my ideas' fail m^, my reafon is extinguiflied ; am I 
in a condition to difpute ? 

B. Well if you cannot believe what I would have you, lay 
that you believe wjiat I would have you ; lay that you believe 
it, and that will do as well. 

D. M' How can I perjure myfelf to pleafc you ? m a mo- 
pient I IhaQ appear before a GOD who punifhes perjury. 

B. That's nothing to thp purpofe: You will have the 
tplea&re of bdng bilried in a church-yard; your vdfe and 
chi]4ren will have fomething to fupport them. Die a hypocrite! 
hyppcrify i$ no bad thing; itis^ as the laying is, an homage 
which vice pays tq virtue: A little hypocrify, my friend, 
what will rixat.coft you ? 

Z>. M\ Alas ! you dther delpife GOD, or know him not, 
fince you require a lye from mejuftatthe point of death: 
You who muft ftiortly be judged by him, and anfwer for this 

Jye. 

B. what, you inlblent wretch! don't I acknowledge a 
COD? 

D. M. Pardon me, my brother, I fear you know him 
Vkpt. He whom I adore iufpires me at thisinftant, to tell you 
vdth a dying voice, that if you ^believe in GOD you ought 
to have (iompafliptt upon me. He has given me a wife and 
children, let them not perifti with mifery. As to my body, 
do with it as you pleafe, T^ve it up to you: But beUeve m. 
GOD, I cdnjure you. 

B. Come, do as I bid you, without thefe debates: I 
wiS, I command it. 

D. M. And what intereft have you in tormenting me to 
much? 

$. How ! what intcr^ ? If I have your fignature k wiU 
be worth aC good cannonffiip. 

D. M. Ah, my brother, this moment is my laft ! I am 
dying! I gp^ and pray to GOD to touch your heart and con- 
yertyoQ, B. The 



f 



J4J THE POLITE MISCELLANY: oi» 

B. The devil take the fellow, he has not /igiied; tmt 
ill fign for hiin» and counterfeit his hand. 



PROCEEDINGS of a famous ALCHYMIST at Berlin, 

ABOUT the latter end of the year 1706, an Italian County 
named Cajutano, a native of the kingdom of Naples, 
arrived at Berlin, where he began -wdth great expence, which 
at firft impofed on every body. He had a neat equipage, fe- 
veral footmen in moft magnificent liveries, two valets de 
chambre^ two ps^es, afteward; and, in a word, the retinue 
of a nobleman : His pages were in fcarlet, turned' Up with 
yellow velvet, with waiftcoats bedaubed all over widx goU 
and filver lace ; and flrait coats laced upon all the feams. This 
Neapolitan Count, at firft, made a great noife at the Prnifian 
court; but it increafed much more when they undeHteod be 
had no eftate, and that all this expence was the fruit (^ a fe- 
cret he had found out to make gold. The King, who did 
not think the thing impolTible, looked on our Italian Count 
with admiration ; and, in order to attach him entirely to han- - 
felf, gave him a commiflion of general of artillery, without 
a iah^ ; for a man who could make gold had no occafion for 
any ; but then in return, his Mbjefty's kitchen and cellar were 
at his difcretion. 

The Prince Royal, naturally fufpicious, and not very eafy 
of belief, had not fo much confidence in our maker of gold, 
as he could have wiftied; and fufpefted his Philoibphidd- 
Stone was nothing but a cheat. He fpoke his fentiments of 
this with fo little referye before the King, that his Majefty was. 
offended at it ; and that it might not be faid he had fufiered 
himfelf to be impofed on by a Kar, prefTed our Italian Count 
to give a proof of his art as foon as poffible. 

The Reader will probably be furprifed, that the Prin« 
Royal could not induce himfelf to give credit. to our Italian*$ 
fea-et, fmce it is but too true, that we eafily perfuade our- 
felves of the truth we earneftly defire; and that it is natural^ 
to defire an increafe of fo precious a metal as gold, which is 
heaped together with fo much labopr, and in fo final! a quan-. 
tity: But perhaps his Royal Highnefs*s dbubt proceeded 
only from a fear it was not true. 

However that be, the Prince was no fboncr informed the 
Italian, was ready to make his firft Eflay, than fearing to be 

*>pe4 



A COli-ECTION OF ESSAYS, Stc. j^i 

Hoped' by this man's cunmng, he ordered a furnace to be 
built and furniftied mth new belbws and crucibles :. After 
which he ordered thedireftor of the mint to prepare ibar of 
copper half an ell long, and half an bch thick, wMfch waS 
privately marked in a certain place, that it might not be 
changed by atiy rtjght of hand. 

' All did not diiomcert our Chymift, he fpoke of his fecret 
with fuch Confidence, that the King pleated himfelf before- 
hand, vAth the viftory he ihould obtain over the Prince his 
ion's incredulity. Every jhing being ready, the Neapditan 
Count went to the Place where the effiy Wats to be madd, in 
the prefence of the King, the Prince Royal, the Margraves,- 
and prindpal Nobility of the court. They kindled a fire in 
the furnace; and the Chymift took a crucible and put a cer- 
tain compofition into it, whidi he had a good deal of diffi- . 
culty to melt; but having at laft done it, he called for the 
bar of copper which was appointed to ferve for the ef&y. As 
foon as he had it, ht aiked for fome White day, with "^dti 
he rubbed one half of the bar, and dipped rtie other half, 
tvhich was not rubbed with it, intd the druciUe, where th6 
compofition^ in which his whole fecrct confifted, NVas melted^ 
He let it remain in if ibme minutest, and then taking it out, as 
red as a burning coal, plunged if imiliediately into coldwa^ 
ter, until it had loft all its heat : And as ibon as it wib cold, 
flicwed the wondering lj)eftators an ingot of as pure gdd a^ 
can poffibly be found In the mines, froih wheiice they dig that 
t)recious metal. It muft be obferved, that the other part of 
the copper-bar, which was rubbed with the whit© clay, r&- 
hiained copper as it-was before. '- 

Thofe who were prefent at this extiaordinary eflay. Were 
extremely fufprifed^ wheii the itiafter of the mint, srfter ha- 
ving tried this new gold, declared it was as gdod, and aS fine, 
as could be feen. The Chymift was looked upon silmoft as a 
divinity. 

The King Was fo fully convinced of this man'^ fctence, that 
he afiigned him the palacfe called the Prince's, in the ward 
hamed Friederichfwerder, to perform his chymical operations 
in. 

This firft eflay Was followed by feveral others,^ which fo la- 
creafed the aftonifliment, both of the nobility and common 
people, that they ran in crowds to fee this gold maker. Among 
this number of admu-ers, the Prince Royal was the only 

- one 



344 T H £ P WT,£ , ^ ^^ ^ f f ^^^J: ^ ^*5f 

goe y^p ftill doubted, and itiifly maintaiac^.hi^^^qlbjphtr'ff 
ftonc was notloing but a mere cheat, whidi Mfomd'fbdiier or 
later be Jlfcovered; and that he did not defpair^ in a little 
time, of gaining the afcendant over the phrcnzy, which every 
body fccmed to be pofjefled with. The eyeijj jjieWcd his 
Royal Highnefs was not mlftakea ; fo^g^ yi fbpr^ VWn ever^ 
body cxpefted to fee mountains of gdd grow i|i ^Bajia, ouf 
Italian fignificd he had occa/Ipn for fevefal ^topj. JWie pur- 
chafe of which might amopnt to 50^000 crowiw. Xlus made 
many people begin tofufpeft him, and. their ipijM^abn^ were 
tifrribly augmented by a fudden rumour, that Qijr p^yrauft 
was nothing but a notorious impoftor, who lufd already 
cheated the Duke of Savoy, and Eledlor of Bavari^ of con- 
fid crable fums of money j which he had ^-eceiv^d of them^ 
tinder the fpecious pretence of buying drugs. TJie, truth of 
this was confirmed fpon afterwards; and Jthey had fertain in- 
telligence, that Signor Count Cajutano had been ^ iong, time 
in prlfon at Munich, and only obtained his Bbdrty, in cbfife 
quence'of the, revdutioa which happened in Bavariai after 
die battle of Hochftef, , frdn^ whence l^e went to Vieopai -and 
from thence to Berlin. . 

No fboner had our chymifl heard the diiadv^tageous re- 
|)ort$ that were fpread of him, than he, withoiii^ wajtii^'to 
fee how his Pruflian Majeffy would take them, dtcampe^jp^ a 
fudden, without beat of drum, and made his efcap? io d^x-* 
teroufly, that it was a long time before they cpulcjihear any 
thing of him, notwithftanalng the pams bis, IvJ^ejftyjtook to 
dilcover him. 

At lafl they heard he was at Franckfort on ^jS$j|Kine^ wjgre' 
he CtCmtinued to adl the cheat* The PruffianTlelmerit ^l i^f 
city, fulpeftlng the chymift's flight from the .capital of JBran: 
dehbourg, muft have Ibmething in it prejudicial lo f he Sjtate, 
defired the Magiftrates of Francldbrt \ to aneft thjs Moi^ntc- 
l>ank, until they knew what was t^e m*otiv'e for'his leaWngf 
Berlin, without his Pruflian Majefty*^ permiffioa. Thfc Senate 
thought the Pruflian Refident's demand reafonable, Snd tbere- 
for§ ordered him into confinement ; "where, he continued^ ^tifi 
he was delivered up to the King of Pruffia, ivho ^ad him 
hanged at Cuftrin, on a ga)rows covered ovef with gjlt p^a^s 
of lead: A punifhment a little fevere, and which WQuld put a 
period to abundance of men's lives, if it were injSifted ORali 
thole who abufe the credulity of princes. 



I 



.1 cQitidj^jfOU^ OF. kziAYi^iii. 141 



ON HEAtfil: 



r\ 



THE fuSjeJS af T&f fdpg a He^iuth; 
A gbdd (upmor far td Wealt|ij^ /^ 
daa the youi^ inind diftruft its'^i^! 
CoDfult the mooafcbs of the earth i 
. Impoial Czars^ and Sult^ 
No gem fd bti^ht that decks t^u* ^diM? i 
Eadn for this pearl his down w^ qpit;^ 
And ttiin'ia ruilic, 6r a dt. / , , 

. * Mark^ tho' the Heffing's Idft wi^.^^' 
■ Tis ndt recdrer'd when you pleafc^ 
Say not that ^udsf (hall avail^r 
For falutary g^eb fail. 
Say not, Apolbt^ fobs fi^cceca; 
Jp(dlo's Urn is Egypfs f reed. . . .', 
Howfriiitlefs^c phyfidanljildH, \^ 
How Tain the pcnitenti^ pill. 
The 0]£atble monuments prod^m. 
The humbler turf ccmfinns .t(i^ ^Qie i 
iPreventiOH is the Iwiter cure.' 
So fays thcprtx^erb, tsiAHiifitr^i -^^^ /-^ 

Wtold yo^ Extend y&ir narrow Ipat^ T % / 

And make fhe moft of Kfe you can; •^* iT^y 

W<^Id you, when med'dndf C8^^ .^.^^ 

Defcenid with eafe into/ the grave; ^ * .. ^ 

Calmly j^drc, ^ke evening light,- . 
' And dx^arful bid thp \(ro{-ld good iuglit i 
Let temf^rance Qohfltantly jnrefide. 
Our beu phyiitian^ friencC and guide! * 

Would ydu to wifdbm mal^ pretence, ^ . , 

Proud td be thoudit Imap ot {enie; 
Let teiiip'rance (Siways fidend td fame} 
iVit^ Aeady hand direff your aini j 
Or, likesfnardberin tihe oark,, .. , 
Tour random fl^ft w3l ini£ ^ miurk: 
For they, who flight her TOldc^i tulips; 
ii wifdcun^s volume fkndi Tc»: fools. 

f In Allufionto 2 Kings CL xvni. 2U 

Y y ^. 



:^^iX 



i 



... t 



}4« TH/ FOUT£ jMlftCKLLAUT: of, 

Mr.JVHITWORTll,^^ ,^ 

btcbftdywi wilt ficetpi an wfiruOiifc md^^ntcrfaimM 4ofc* 
dote cf a fofijb M pMeftiui %W» ijf Ef^g^iC W^ 
mttefted; in which -v^ fee the^fhaltgnant mfikence j( t^e 
region if ihefwrner, the himhne and tenign ItfeSh^ the 
reiigich ^ the lattet ; tt^ crneBy encmra^^ 
tion ef her innocent j^jtEfs ; this with p%i^e a^ jjSf 
rewarded the inftrMint tf thAr]^ref^^iiont0^M ipe 
ame time we can ^fiiurce forbear '^U/eryihg^O^ ^^wftMJ^ 
the merciful hand of providence^ in conAa^^^ ^vf^^ 
events here rebaei. / : J^Jij^^i^'.^. 

K^B« This anecdote is fhe.conihfiofi y ^^.^^^^^iMP 
of the ri^rmation f hekrJ, during fi/ {fisn^f^^tfim 
rUL Edward VL and ^jfeen Mary,^ in 0^^ f% 
of the Phenix. Arikte F. , ., .X^ :i > 



i^.' ■•^^. t*- 



A/fECDOTE of a Popish o/irfpROTESTliiTlSuEEN.^ 

QtfJEEN Mary hatteg iiealt fevcrely vi^\tb^ 
, id England^ aftotitthcktiereiuiof^^^^^^ |gp^ 

a cothitiiffion for totals &e f^nfe couiie ttam q^ 
land; ^d to execute tifie fame with greater ibrc^i|le i^opiii- 
nates Pr.'Cble' one of the commHIitaiers. ^S^n(!^|;j% au^ 
mifllbn lyy' this Dr, who in his journey (^i5i^^.5?w5v 
the iiiayor of' that* city^hearing her majeftj^fwus; i^mpg a: 
a mefleiig^r ihtq Irel^ndr and he being a chttf^^J^^i ^^i#^ 
on the Dr. who Ih'Mifcburfe With the mayor, taketh out 
of acloakrbag, afethjprbox, fmng to him,.-ff^^ &^4r:Wf«- 
mijfwn thatfballliS the heretictislsf hpldn£j;^mgJ$^^ 
teftants by that title. ^ The good ^b'^an c3^; tfe^Jiou^ 
well affefted to the pffeteftani reli^on^ and;^^i)ha?i|^,^ 
fyrother named Jpjin E^cmds jrf me 15^ 
in Dublin^ was rrjlicR Itinouttied at ^ doftor's wpr^M^^*^ 
watching her oppof|ui]^ty, /wfliilfl:* dfe^ Vayo^ togl^hi^^^ 
and the Dr. compli^nting . him tloXyn Itijrs,' ftie 0p^^ 
fcox and takes the cOmmiilion^ out, plaqng, i^ l||u jtb^jilf 
a fheet of paper wWi'a pack of cards, tte knave of dubs 
' ^* facecj 



&ced uppermoft, wrap'd op. The Dr. coining up to his 
^chambd-, fufpeAingnoriu^gdr \yfaatjb^ jpeen done, 4)ut qp 
Ac IxMt asTbriAtSly. \ T$c 1i«tt day ^iug to th^ water Ci4e, 
T^d and weather feltl6|I9r!i; fie ms toward Ireland and 
landed on the 7th rf Oftober, 1558 at D«i>lin^ Then 
comiflft to'thecaftle, the lord |to«W|lters, being lordde- 
piity> ient for him to come t^ore him and. the privy coun- 
cil ;.wfaoicodaingjin^ after b^ h^dmadeafpeo^ridi^k^ 00 ^4^t 
Account he came over^^'l^ pr^nti Siie box to the lord 
depaiy, who cauiing it to be opened that Jthefecretary cu^t 
vead ^e commi^ioiv there, w^ notjmg ||^i HKfic^* on ' 
wkV ^ Jmav€ of xrbbs jif pertnoft ; w|^^ f^iJtut 
me Wrd dqpaty jaod cdtticU, l(\it the dgil^^^xdbp aifiii 
tl^m he had a cbmmiilion, but knew n6t hoW it waikgpM^ 
Theft the brd deputy ixi^ean^ei;; /^^ ^^ ^>^% 

tUmm^on^ ani m tie nm^i ^^^ ''^^ V^f ^^M^^^t^^^ 
The dbfior being tiouHed bi 't^io& wem liwaj]^ ri»(«iMd 
faitb England, and comli^ to^th^ ^^^C^^^^^ 
commibSAon : But ftaying S>r a io^d at t^ ^»i|er liide ; n^ws 
<came ta him that the .Q^ga^was idead; aod^ua^GOj) prjSr 

This is a a»v qf Ricba^ «ari of C<^k's 
idfo of Henry W|!ic^> fom«;l3fo 
be&g s^ entered amo^^ $ir^ames We^n^^s^ 
nrfb MU^ often h^uffd the late Jknies lJ^er| oqpheW^lp 
lllt^ad ^Penry, and alfo Jrimate b| Afljfj^ 9^..^ JpTe, 
#*^w^^ that mr.?:n»0»ad 1^^ 
^iwMoiSements.' Thcrcfe yetliving a fev^ren^^f^ * ^ 
Mw Ji£^d biiho^ of iXeathi, who can affin||C||^.^a]^ 
iirbmftei^ James ^1^^ - . 




Wis 



[||0lEngUifdL 



Upoqu 

dki 1^ loijff concerp^ 

mother c^ixiui^^ hd ^^^ ^^^^=^^^^^^^^1^ -^ 
lli^ned in ml^, whi^.|Q[ <|;9li^^^ thai 

'WJbpt ^d|f goqjd \|Q^p^ 
|tM^yJ^.hitfj^^ .anB^javc ha:ii,yearJijr 




.i).'i::q[ T.;j( 



»T« 



Cmelujion 



j4» JKIL, fOLlXZPllSQtZhintt of. 









^?Vi 



CH A p. XIX. 



':^n<q 



,. . ' . v^ ^ / Chi '-.^:.^..^n. 

rp ^ftpflfau^Cif the reigaof the great ^rriptr^ifft^ 
k naqdiriii |)l the dty of Cbtba, was al^^^'^ 
fmtL hoftSt by t great cpropir ^n ^ hojWe adj(i|n&^ 
l|ttiftd' nidietlser m^e'was iny body murd^ed ; 
1^ tllat h; wii,iA almoaqr «|r'tbe I^^fli commif 
bah t^ Bauvo^ and a Jefuit, difpmin^ tpgethW;' 
vheitthein> ftiTcd them with tea siod Iweietmeats^^* 
Die<)GeaiHti df^ their quanel: K^e Jefuit anfivei^ 





pctremeiy unhappy for him, who was always in tt^ 
Xp binre 4pcf coimedtioQ yM^ PP^$^y^^ ^^^^^ ^^^^'^^ 
wroog: That ntQrfVhe had reaped with the gr^ti 
Heft, but at laft his jptience vr^ cxhanftcd. , The 
i«vt thph to undtrl^itd, ^di the utm^'Aiicri 
ptettbty h wis to c«t»iurt ^cry diipu^tc witfi"' 
Tbld them <hey never qnarelkd'iri ^hinji, aiid in^^ 
lie fubjcft cff ^idr debate. 

Th^ JijEiit.aafwcred bipi, %♦ 'you fiifilh^] 
tivb gcnd^jfii rcfnfc tp fubmtt to the coui 
That ti&dSUtici ip,c, fays the madaiin: ^Thcp^ 
two itfrlQ^ii^ it ieems to me reaihDdi>lej 
meo/ that ydti rcfpeft ^e dcdfions of 1i 
dpn't kqpw wha| tj^ fcuoacU. of Trent is, but^j 
feopie mtift know fnore i^biri ^ m^iriSual:^ 1^^ 
to thmk that he is wifer than evdqi'^'Bodyv'air' 
Swells in hi* br^ al^wie. JThis,!^ tbe'dbfitr^^ 
llfOit qanfucios tj^tight; an^ believe me,^ f^flSi 
to fnbmlt tp ^ eAoncU ^f Treif t. . ' ' '' ''^"' 

fine Bane then n?<* ijp ij^c 'diipMi__ _ 
with thi gr^ateft wHaom : We i^etptR tfc^f^ 
.Wies as we ought, and we are hitirely of 
ijnany aflemblics which were hrfd before that" 
\( that's the eafe, iays the mand^In, I afk yocir pardoa; you 
. ' ':; . ^ \ ' may 





pfe both Q^ feherl^ &Q^iaia)ts a^dnCb* tllU> pc^ JiknW. 
Itor fepn%^a]^ tbe Diitsd^nair; ti^gaiitana^^^^ in^^^ 

- iupfde before your 1 can Ipefraln no Idtfg^: I don't imdefr 
iland you, fays .the mand^in j dre yo|Ciio»-aIhthri6iBChri^ 
icians^ do you not cc»W to teactf Ghrilfeniry '^ eq*^? 
OHdppghtyQunotconfequently to embrace th^falftedoftrine? 
¥ou fee. Sir, fa>T the 0xit, fhtt ■ Ih^fe'i^*^^ ate mpitt| 

* cneifnes,^ and both of theni difpute %^tei[| %n6 • k is- evident 
then that diey. are in the wrOiigj'luidi t||at;i^!bn|*on 
fiifci That is not fo eViife^^ rfcrfife «^ 

' iiMiRB««ore Ukcjy that you are iiinB?Ae^dh^ I^lrtlrio^ 
to.hear^puone after anoihei^. ' * ^ ' ** ^'^"^' '^f^* ' ^-^ 
. The Jefuit then made *a fon^^iar^^i "^^h'le ihe D^«" 
j^ Dutchnjan ftirug^ed tip tferHfhd6iati#:^'The ifi^nda^ 
m underftood not a >yQrd. 'f HIIHng i^ofe^*fei IBs tura: 
iosL two adverfaries looked upcm Mfe^^Artfli 'pltj% and th« 
tnahdaria underftood as miich as^^Kefbre/T^ Dmchm»i4 
had the fame ifprttine. ^ At *lfcngt|y>^^ey all tht^ ipoitt 
fogetber, md began to al>itfe one smc^kiier vSbit ^lenttf^iilly; 
The honeft tnaadarin found it d!ffiMt^ part the fr^^ if, 

iay3 he to daain, yoti w^uld have yohr rel^on 'tdlerinc4 
\me^ begin by til)lerating others, and not being ihtbleriibl^ 
yoifrfelvef.* At die brewing up of the aucfience, thcjefeit 
mst a Jafcobine xnSffioaary : He told Him hd liad'ggihiedlifc 
fHEilft, bc?l<yi^" tl^at truth was always triatilph^t:* Thejk- 
ca^ii^^fivered, If I had been th«€'yoil-'vi^dMnot1iavc 
gRSodl it, for I ODuld have conviAed-ydb of fsKbOod aiid 
idolatry. Th^ difpute became warm, the Jadtsbine afld Jc- 
f«i fdbed one another by the hair. The mand&rih, ' ififor med 
o£ the fcandaj, fent them both to prifim^: A fub-^handtriti 

.«£ke4 the judge. How long does youl: ^xcdlertt^ pleafe tb 
liietain them under anarreft. THl they .i;re' agreed, %sthc 
jdtkp. Alas! repli^ the fiTb*mandaiin, they S^ill thdi tic 
{tfilpners f<Mr Kfe. Wdl then, aiifwer^'ttfe judge*, till tk€y. 
foi^ve^cach odier. 1 am fuf-e tliii't wift never Be; fays ♦t^ 
IbiHWI^dsm. At kft ^then, fa]^ the pftier, fMrthey fiW- 
griiei^^plntaiice* "■' " ^ . 

. C H A P. XX. 5 

V-' No gft# art or ftudierf.elqqticnce are reqiiifite toprbVc, 
ibat it» is ,thc .duty cf Chriftians to' toferate <»ie -anotl^. 



||0 TJie POJbtTE MMCtXfiUMYV #«, 

What! a Turk n^ brother ^ aChiDefiv i^ Jt^t a Siinili 
iny bretbor? Yc% €frtasftty s are :imb ntt lA^cUkteif^f lM 
parent, acpitures p£. tbe iiyne GOD? But dMfepcopkMoiik 
temn at: They tpctcus as Iddtters. WcB, thai, IwcuUa 
tell tkemthey are greatly to jbiame. I iniis^ I coidd ifi^ 
found the pnM 090ceit of ao inan, mofaqprin, tf ItMia 
accoft him thua: '' Thi$ fmaUf^obe, vluehis bat a Mfal^ 
rolls in the c^pmft wi|h intny wiecs; 5xreait feft in ibthm 
nicRrity. Ma&» aiNm tim leet Udi. ia oemSofyavajr io^ 
{tgnifioot thii^ in ih^i^mA^tu Ooeof tbefeiii^ecMi3^ 
mortalaiaia wfimeof hia ott^bbwrain AraUa^tyAH 

ened me-, diere are ntbe luMdced inilfiofii of latb cwRu 

like our&lves upon f^ HrHb vbut ft ia oi^ my neft ^^ ia 

predous in the liet^^Qi GOD% he hath aU ^ r^ia^MM 

deteftaof^fis -ibia akpe wnH be httppf^ dieothers art feHe^ 

wretched.*' TJ^y wglkl iatomipt oie, ted itaxaatd vAii 

(pqI e^er fpoke fuch noaSg^fti I flioiiUi bt «Utgad to anfwiar 

4tban, It is youFfehres* I might aftenMids fiy ta^padfr 

ttieip, but that wou}4.i^t be very eafy. I ^ili •now addneS 

myfe^ to Chriiliao^ aad'rwoald ventured) % 1o a DotO^ 

flc^n ioquifitor^ fpr example, '* Brother^ yw knoNr' tfcit 

cyery province in Italy has4rs dwk&r and tbat thcgf^iM 

fpeak the fame at Venice and at Bergama as at ftoreiee^ "Tbt 

academy of Crufca has fixed the ki^uage; M^6Hoairf 

is a Aandari^ from which nobody ihoidd dcfvki^vtiktfliir 

grammar of Buer Mate! is- an infallible guide m 0i|dM|%o 

tollow: But do you think that the oonml of theadmlir* 

and in his abience, Buer Matei, could with a good caaSHobt 

cut the tongues of all the Venetians and Bergaiuiti fftit 

£hould perfiA in the ufe of their own langtiage?" TbeBiv 

/(^uiiiror anfwers, *' The e^ is not pdtuM: The cbiwera 

here is no lefs th^- the falvalion of your iboL k s8 bftjdoif 

good that the cKreflors of the inquifition order' you ipbff 

Iqzed by the depofition of a jingle roan» however mfinaotl 

;pd lawlefs bis chara6lar : That you are rm alkwtd at! ad^ 

vacate to plead your caufe: that you Aould sot Inoirib 

much as the name ot your accufer: That the inquifieor 

ftionld prononnee njercy, and afterwards condemn yOO: 

That you fuifer, five different tortures, and than be «iher 

(courgffd, fent to {hegjilJies^ or bufnt jwlth projper ceremony. 

Father 




ridi^. Im^ 466b Hefi^^ 

Koyas^ f<»xkm, rGmm, ^liifefti»r 6MtSn^m' c 



dier, perb^ you ifre Hi dii^ tight; t M d(^tTOC»^ 
gpoi jou intend m^ b^doiJMptl be0(t^^th6Qt apitlus?'^ 
I adkncwiedge tb«t tiidg falN^ al^d^ aoiiot|bin 
the^fiice of the earth evm dajT; bat they hafe ^m tbof &t^ 
Client, and a wlume or theffiftiugbt ea% fee ^^piltd^ 
much lai^er thtn die ^olpeb mUdi cohdemn thetftV It ti 
not 0Q|y extren¥^ly cr»d to pn^tolte in thi£^ dioft life%o^ 
who do not bdk^e ydih ni, rat perhaps it is ejctf^ttkl]f lijdl|| 
tp ptx)Qpinice th^ eternal damhadoa; It ieem$ to m^ydy 
tmbeaoming the atoms of a xBOfnent, fhth as ter0tes; to 
anticijpate the decrees of hetrell. I am fkt from^O|^pb<Sii^ 
tl;|is ientence^l M /khmkn out ^ t^e chrch. lf€7tteace 
the chund\« and all that iN tdidie^: Vm do^'l^ r^ty 
know all die ways of QOt>, fine vAxh extient oThis mer- 
des? Is it apt perfnittcd^ to hope lii him, a^well^ to feaf 
him.^ Is it not enoi^ to be be true to tht chtifi^, inidt 
•very nieari>er uftirp the ri^^tr of QOD, and dedde b^e 
him die eternal kt of all men f When we go into mourn* 
log for die kings of Sweden or Detimark, or England 
or Pruffia, do we 6y we are paooming for a reprobate, who is 
bun&ig eternally in hdl? There are in Europe forty miffion^ 
<£ ii)h»>ilaAts who are not in the Romffli community, (hall we 
tpU every one of them, Sh-, fince you are infallibly damned, 
twfl i\ddierea;t ncMr drink, contraft or converfe with yoo ? 

^What emba(&dor of France, who being prelem at an 
audience of th^ Ormd Se^nior, would tell him fir6m the 
I^nom of his foul. Your ^hnefs will moft certainly bum 
^uroughout aU eternity, bccaufe you have fuhmitted to ciN 
cumc^n. If he aftually believed that die Grand Sdgnior 
i|. a mortal enemy to GOD, and the objeA of his vei^gBuice^ 
could he fpeak to him ?» Oug^t he to be fecit to hhnr With 
whom could we have any conneftion? What duty iaovil 
life could . pOffiUy be fulfilled, if in faft men finally beBeved 
that^th^ were converfing with Ae reprobate? 

Oh ye followers of a merdfiil GWp^I If your heats were 
cruel ; if in adoring lum whofe whWrlaw oonOb in this in* 
junction, L^e COD and ymr nnghhur, ye had loaded this 
pure and holy law with^hifins aad laooiBpreheASble dif* 

J>utts; 



i 




for a 



btli^ukfdt ft mRr. word, ^^ ^^^ 

r ye ^ ifocd ctmial jm^ |g.t^ A^ 

tTciilar cXpflffipos ot coxmttM^ tv^idijt^cryD 

htcn acquin^ wlA; (hed(£agieui ovo'di^ 

I ^ould lay, Tranfport yotarl^es \i^' n^ w d ^^ ^ ^ 

all men (hall be jui^^, an2i Ju^D VilL render t^^ 

according to his work. . r... ^, ^ ^^i j, 

I fee am die dead of the paift aad pre£bt sKge ap|^ iSfisrire 
lUm. Are y6u certain that our Cce^tt)r aiid our^^^^ 
fay id ike We a^ virtuous Cobfdcii&p to Sokm 4ie1^|jQ|at^ 
Phythagort?, Zaleiicu$, Socrates, JIatOj to tfce ^ jdimc ^Jp 
tfeniaus, to upr^hi Tfrajan, tof 'titus/he delig)(it,.d^ 
tend, to Eg}(^etus,* and tp mamrothors "^tio ^ere, ^g^ko^ 
per models cf men ; , Go ri^o^fuxsi go Aifer tiii^ pi|^»)^* 
meots iniinite ^i weight an^ dutktion; yqqr tormiea^f^S 
be as eternal as m^elf; zta y^^.my well-belovedVjo^ 
Chatel, llavUIac, Damieo,. tlar|Quchei|^4^C« ivbo ffie^ at^ 
Ing to the prefcribed fonns^ I^l^tid^ 6f iu; empire a|d<£l|^ 
Ittty at my rig^t-hand for ever* ^ .. ? 




Afr. iVii ITtirORTli, ;.; 

tn the rt^ms at Bath^ there are fultlenpi pbrttttiis ^ \ 
celebrated Mr* Najb. On edchftde meof thefe 'wif^i^ 
ttvo BttftaSy one of Nevston and the other oflPi^^t^ 
earl of Chejlerficld^ pjlly qfteemed tme of the grieifffi kuifi 
this age has proditced^cvi paflant, -wrote the fiMi^iih^^^^ 
tich under the PiEliire; 

YMmortal Newton never fpoke 
,. X More truth tfian here yoli'Il find, 
Nor ^ope hjmfelf e'er penn'd & Joke, 
. More cruel on Mankind. ^t^. 

k 'p^i^ Pifture, ptac'd tnofe BuAs bet\vceiiv / " ' 

' <Gh-es jSatyr it's full Strength; 
Tyii'dom and Wit are little feen. 
But Folly at . full length. 



■^^ 



.W fcfei flddrdOfed biimfelf , to Ks friend$ wife ,116x3 rpani 
him, to me fctto>»iag etf<£t i '^ I carin^^ tliroul^ t]be cburfi 

* of a long life, lobk back With \uaea.unels u^n iffiy fi^i 

* inftarice df ^my co'ndu<S. iihlcfs^ perHa^, cfe tliat wEc^ 
' I am going td iricntion, wherein, I confds, ram (fill doubt- 

* ful whether I adled as I ought, or not : 1 was dace ap- 

* pointed judgCj tat cdnjunftioin With two others^ when my 

* particular friend was arraigned before lis. Were the \a^ 
\ to have tiiken their free cdurle, he niuff inevito5?ty 'Have 

* been cdndeirined to die. After miucH debate therefore with 
myfcif, I refolved upon tjua e^pedknti I gate my owpi 




How fft-iking niuft t^isipeecK if r^fifiy ^^^^ - 

(d every Chfiftian. Tte was"'a map idf Jike j^ 
fa[firmitiesf as dther meri ; fie hSd liorie, , or but vfef y uricer taior 
hopes of any life sffter j^JBif; yet jis^f (^ittfci^lci tp^ 
nefs on his death-bed^ itt'Vhlch'C^^ 
to the ncfitid, ' that fhroii.§h tBe qour/e (f 4 JmgJ^^^ 

* no rfojon tolodk back with iinedjtriefijipdn j^n^fii^^^ 

* cf his condu&y Bui on oUe osly;* a^c^ ^^^ 

In whidl he was doubtful \^hether hc^arfcd wrc«^^r f^ 
We ChriJHdth have the promife of GOD, liiho cdnrm Ue^ that 
pur right condu^ iri life' ftiall be rewarded v^l,th imniortai 
glory and happin'efs; t'he moft irieftimable Itewardis'iet lifoi*©^ 
us. Gldry atnd honour, aind eternal life for cdutihuancp in^ 
weU doing. And yet it is to be feared there are'too'inany, 
ChriftianSf to* whdm cohfcience vfili not bear that witncfi oa- 
fticir death-bed, as it did to this Heathen, Vfe camiot. How* 
ivcr, read this without an inw^d wi(h, tlUt jf^ch, niay fee 
6ur cafe at. that iblenwihour. Oufwihisih.p^^pcw(a\: Be- 
taking care never, upon any confider^^ w&t&cvert ^todoh 
iny thing contratV to the precepts of the CospEt of JESUiS 
CHRIST, which (befides flie diaattisi of cocfcience) we 
Z r hare 



^ 



4 



^S4 THk POUTE ^LSCELLAN¥: omr 

hare the happineis to bate in our hukds, for a conAant aatf 
tebriog guide of all omr addons.— -tf this Heathen, viio 
hadno&ngbut^ niere dSSEates of h^own raMid to foOonr, 
aod Aothixig to exdte him but the native woRTii^^ Ik- 
tue, could ib order his life, that there was oaly <iiefiflri(f 
inftance in bis whole life, which confidenee, ufM^dis 6mL* 
1)ed» did not bear wituefs to him, he had iflett r^^^r, 
what may hot we do, who, beiides the n4^iv% woMYit 
of virtue, have the moft glorious rc;Wards^ ^A tbofeof eter< 
aal duration, to excite us^! 



LETTER frmSfr rHOMj^S FltZOsSdRN& 
to a Friend, concerning Delicacy in relieving the Diftrejfed. 

LET others coafidh: you for ^fe am^le poflefGc^s ^qI| 
enjoy: Suffer mc to iay, that it is ^otir application of 
them ak"^ whidi renders either them or yo« vaicrafile* 
In my eftimation. Your fplendid roofs and el^aht acccttn- 
modadons I can view without the leaft emotion of envj^:. 
But when I obifrve you in the full powtr of exertmg 
the noble purpofts of your exalted geiierpfity-T-it is th^n, 
f coofefit, I am apt to refleft, with fome regret, bn^'fti^ 
ftumbler fcpplies of my own more limited toances. /l^^^ 
be able w fofcea the calamities of mankind^' and^lSt - 
Gladnefs into a heart oj^ceflU with misfortunes, is' ig( 
the nobleft privH^ of an enliarged fortune: But to esc..^. 
that privilege in all its re&ements, is an inftance of the m^ 
Unc(Hnmon elegance both of temper and underllah(&ig.^ 

In the ordmary d25>enlation8 of bounty, litde addr^ is re» 
quired: But When It is to be applied to thofe of a fopericy 
raqkand more efevated mind, there is as much charitjr Wco- 
Vered itf t&e manner as in the meafureof one*s benevolence. 
It is fomerhhig cxtremly mortifying to a well-formed ipirit, to 
fee itfelf conffdererf as an: objeft of ccanpaflion ; and it Is' 
the pact of nnproi^ed humanity to humour this hoi)efl pil|^ 
in our nafiiffc, and to relieve the wants without offending Sife 
delicacy of tfee dmrefleJ. 

I have^ften charity (if charity it might be called) mfult 
with' an air of pity, and wound at tlie fame dme that it healedri 
But I hai^ feen too the higheft muBificfn<»4ifpt»afei.wiA^r 
ttoft refine^ teaderdefi^ and a^ bounty conferrpd ^mm< 



A COLLECTION Of ESSAVs;**c. |k 

mudi '^ddre6 as the moft arefeV 'Mfotrld eMiofia ^ffipi^ 
-op^. S^^ mc, Oronteiy ii(km tSiaf fiitgle bccro^ «^^kifflf/ Aij 
>«^ io^nations in ^dplepce to your*^ bypomtl]^<ftnt the par- 
rficithr m^ce I have in ' my view ; and allow ttfe it i^cifam^ 
time to jdfo my adcnt^wle&meiits, with tbofe rif the utfor: 
tuaate perfon \ recommowed to yonr protcftipri, for d^ 
generous aiffltoce you Isiiely aiforfled him. ; . ? 

^^ lam, iScc. 



RULES and REFLECTIONS for the CoiiDV or 
of Life. 

MOST men that affeft fports, make -thfcin: a prindpal 
part of their life; not reflcding, thii wjiil^^ they are 
diverting the dme they arc throwing it away. We ^Iter the 
nature and defign of reereation, when -we mak:e a inrfinefs 

.rf it. ':-■'• •• * : ''■' " -'■■ 

Of all, the diverfions of nfc, there is noiiefo proper to fill 
up its empty fpaces, as the readUng^x^f uftftd^axid entertacining 
authors, &c. with that, the cooveriadoi of a weU diofen 
*iend. • -. 

A naan of Letters never toows the plague of idlcnds: 
When the company of his friends Ms hidiV ^ finds a remedy 
in riading, or in compofition, ^' 

He that is well employed in his ^ud)r, though he may 
feem to do nothings does the greateft dfil^syetofafl others: 
He lays down precepts for the goverflteg of our Bvies, and 
the moderating of our paflions; and obliges human nature^ 
jnot only in the prefent, but in attfucOeeding generations. 



METHOD rffaHening GEESE <md Dp CJfC S^^inj^ 
cheaper tmnner than t^at, and at tie fame time to'gjii^ 
their Flefb a higher Flavour; and a Rtik to d0ifjguijb 
what DUCKS will hy mojl Ecos. _ "[ - , 

GEESE, the more quiet ah4 tindiAarl;^^ tt% sii^ k^t, 
the fiiftcr and better Aeyfittcn./' \ 

I fhall begin with what are ifyMj fss&tA Green Gee{e. 
Let diefe young gede be put iu a place that is almoft darlL 
$0A ^ fed lAb irai gMond msit/ hSm up whb milk; and 
Z t a they 



f^'^A^f?^^ J^ be %|p kiDf 

▼cry ddlqigJiJjr. , ' /\ 

when, ipilk i? iqurce ;«^ me: I ini^ 9p/9W»,W%-m^ 
pretty tfucjL;^^ water, lyiucb tbcy coofupdy h^^^ Jijy thq4 
jx> eat as they dii& : la m>^ P^ of theiJ^qc}^ yr||^ tb^ 
are k|U>t, ^ |i pan with iome boilea oats anid water, for them 
to relort to when they are Inclined to change their food: 
This variety is agreeable to them and they thrive apace, being 
ib£^ttp4 Jatlcfr ejspcn^c t\m in a^ ptho* way J.laww q(. ^ 
The manner in which l qpanagejny JMSchadmas, or fiubble 
Geefe, is not veiy. Afferent frdm that above deicribed : Im- 
n^diately after ^^ I mJtk *fim 9^ ^ r^^t ^^jf^% 
wha^ th^y fiic^ npSfil^:9S?^^^^¥^ 
to Atten, I ^d (^ ^mgr<»Hi4 Mt, miii'4^ ^* w- 

&l^^4 j^vc *ipm ;^itb it bql^ ij^t^^ bqjl^nalt, w l>oik4 
ey; and lometimes, for change, fven boiled wbegt aii4 
watjur. Tl^os aiaiLfiged, ithey grow*^t^, ^ acq\4re fi^ 
ner flavour than wpuld ^t %A be ^mg^o^ greatly ^perioi: 
IP ah^of^ apy I b^Yp Hm ¥^ ^ t9nda^ ni^kfetj, 

I fatten my ducrks in the iamc mannef as my ge^ie, ts^cef^ 
th|t I ^Jlw tJ*fS * large Pin i)£ ^^|ef to d»l^ iPj^ and J[ 
6|i4 it ap^ e^^tr^y wdJi. 

I keep a very confiderable nu,^^^ pf dncl^.jEbr %^i^i;n^ 
, IW^viofr WF W h9#» *? cf«Y€|ije9ce erf fcyey^ poiiis; 
and I ai^nu^j fipt i^^be fpripg ^grm n^«lhlar5)| diigk-^gg^ 
un^er hens: Jt 4s tfeci^i^fofBe mt^^^ I (hould .fi^^fe iijch j| 
breed as wiU )ay me ^ large A^re pf e^; and t ha¥eaKv«y4 
found fuch ^ ha^f ^# feilfe ^a i|p ratj>qr ;B^e ijtfaw 015!^ 
idary, to anfwer tbispurpofe heft. 

• j^<^ dependent on, ti^ir Ckiliren. aniji^e Nee0tj ^ Fa* 
RENTS inJiruSltng their cUUrcn ky^Eyiopt^Uf Jits nf^U ai 
freceph 

AWORTffY oH gcatiemini, ^bo ha4 by,^ ia infc:^ 
-We ii>duftry aoq^imd a ^gcfortupe, »^0-cat;ifepur 
tatjqo. |J length dedicing bufmcls, dcvptied hi^^^^tenjbn 
|o the ^tt^jlicnt v^ffk only fofV-ft^ ^t^^^W; W^4»^ 



f^^ foad.— Ip-a littJA ti*^,k|:|n«jirj^ hip «o | woo|^ 
of family^ ^4 iu<^% ^f t}^ &«i's ^jSreq|G^ by bis o^mt 
mad^ OVIST eyiery il^lttf^ h/e was w^rth t^^'tlte JQ^ng gecul^ 
nuui, dfi^iriog nothing 9iore tha^ to be witQfi& of 1^ pa&ptf^fi| 
in the ikme boNoTey ^i;^ depen4iag upcm his^ gratitude tor an; 
cuTfory t|^ he H^lg^ want fcf bis piivat^ cKpence^t 
The foa had not b^ inarriei however above fix weelts, he^ 
fore he was under the ible dominion ^( bi^ wi£e» and pre* 
ys^lled \^Cfn to treat the pld geiitleman With the^ raoft mxt^ 
tifying negleft.— r-If he wanted the carriage for an airingt 
.why XTvi^f, ' Hj l^dy has ^iigaged it:' If he defired to nux 
in a party of Pleskbrc, * Tb^y are quite fuU^' He was f^fFere^ 
to fit whole evcmngs without being once fpoken to ; ^t tablo 
^e( was obliged to c^ three or four times for a glafs c^ wine^ 
or a bit of bread ; and if be entered into a narrative of any 
tr^feaipn that occurfwi in his youth, his obliging daughter- 
in-law immediatdy brok^in upon him, and politely in trod a? 
iced a GonVerfetiqn Upon fomething elfe.- — This unpardona^' 
ble conteoipt was at laft carried to fuch a degree, that his 
cough wa$ coHiplained of as troublefixne, and Under a pre- 
tence that his tobacco^boii^ was infupportable^ be was requeft? 
ed to cat in his own room. 

> Four Oa^ Ave years pafled on in this manner, which wero 
rendered a little tolerable, by the birth of a graudfon, a 
jofkoH ei^gi^ing boy, who from the moment he was capable of 
diftingoriMng, feemed to be very fond of the old gentleman, 
j^nd by an almoft inftinftive attachnjent, appeared as if provi* 
dentkdiy defigaed to attone for the unnatural ingratitude of 

}iis father. He was now turhed of four, when ofic day 

feme perfcttis of faftiion dining at the houfe, the old gentle- 
man, who knew nothing of the company, came dov^n into 
the back parlour to enquire for his little fevourfte, .who had 
"been two whole hours out of his* apartment : JHle had no 
Iboner opened the door, than his dutifiil fon befbrei room 
full of people, aiked him how he dare break In Upon hin^ 
without leave, and dcfired him to get inftantly up about his 

bufincfs, The old gentleman returned accordingly tq hi$ 

Qwn room, and gave a very hearty froedom to his tears. 

Little Tommy, who could not bear to hear his graud-pap^ 
"chided at fuch rate, followed turn inftantly, and obferving 
how heartSy ^hc fobbed, came roaring down to the parlour, ' 
♦• ii^ad bcfol'e the whole conipuny cried out, ' Papa has made 

poor 



1 



Ijt THE P6L1TE MISCELLANY: ^ii. 

poor graod-papt break his heart ; heli cry his e]re^t>Qt kbov^ 
ilairs.'-<-^Tbc fin who ^was really afliamed of hts coadiMB^;' 
^)edaUy as he &w no %i of approbatiofi in the £ices of hk^ 
friends, endea:^ured to pot an eafy appearanoe on the affai; 
and brazen it oot ; tttrmng round theiwire to the dlild, he 
^efircd him to carry a blanket to graftd«papa, 2jid \Ai Mm gb 
and beg.— — -<^, btit Twon*t give bint tJlthe blanket ^ retuniei! 
the child ;-^-^^ttn^jl6, my dear^ &ys the father: Becmtfe 
(anfwered he) I JhaU tvanf Mfforyw, "wben I grow tip t9 
be a nuzHf and turn ym ^ti^ j/^ dbori.---------The child's r6- * 

proof ftung the tither toihefoul, and^held up at once both 
the cruelty and ingraritude tjtf his conduft in their proper 
colours t-^-Nay, the wife feem«d afFeftcd and wanted wor^s : 
A good-natured tear dropt from more than one of the com- 
pany, who feized this ppportraiity of condemplBg, in a very 
candid manner, their bchavioiir to fi) afFe6tlonate a fathier, 
4ind lb bountiful a friend; and, in (hort, made theni fbliear- 
tily afhamcd of themfelves, that the old'gentleman was im- 
mediately fent for by both, who, in the prefcnce of all, mbft 
humbly entreated his forgivenefs for every thing paft, and 
promifed the bufinefi of theft- fives ihbuld be to obfige faim 

for the future, The poca: old gentleman's joy threatened 

DOW to be much 'more fatal than his afffiftioa a litde time be- 
fore.— —He looked upon his fbn and daughter for fomc time 
with a mute aftonilhment, mixed with a tendcrneis impoflible 
to he defcribed ; and then fixing his eyes upon the1co!ft^any 
with a wildnefe of inconceivable rapture, fnatched up his 
little Tommy, who j^nned him in a hearty flood of tears. 

There is nothing, in reality, where people are fo very 
wrong, as in the education of children, though there is no- 
thing in which they ought to be more abfidutely certain 
of being right : If we ferioufly refleft upon the cuftomary 
method in which children are brought up, we muft almoft 
ima^c, that the generality <X f)arents inculcate princi|J(e$ \ 
of religion and virtue into their offspring, for tht mere ' 
•fetisfaftion of- bringing both religion and virtue into con- 
tempt; and paint the precepts of morality in the moft ert- ' - 
gaging colours, to fhew, by their pradVicc; how much thefe 
precepts are to be defpifed. - 

My friend Ned Headftroog is a parent of this caft; he' 
Is continnally preaching up a reftitude of conduift to a very 
i^rvfible yoring fellow his fon, and yet he is continually de- 

ftroyiiig 



A caLLECTlOK Or eSS'A1?S/&c; J59 

ftroyAg by his example what h^ labours to efFeft by hte 
ndvice. Ned expatiates largdy about patience utider the 
difpenfations of Providence^ and yet will fly into a pafRon dF 
the moft ungovernable nature, i£ a leg of mutton is bdled 'd. 
minute too much.— t-**I have heard faim launch forth in 
the praife of fortitude, while he has not been able to over- 
come the diagrin occafioned by Ipilling a bottle of port up- 
on the tablc-cioth. 

. The fame prepofterous inconfiftency in the education of 
an only dau^ter is a diAinguifhing peculiar of lady Dye, 
Dawdle. — c-.Her bdyftup .is uo great gadabout, for (he 
lies in bed alt the dayr and plays at cards all nig^t; (he 
cannot be accufed of mifbehai^g in church, for I don't 
fuppofe (he has been at a place of public worfhip thefe 
twenty years, — —As for her veracity, that can by no means 
admit of a debate, for 'tis a qucftion with me if (he has. 

fooke a fyllable of trudi (ince her arrival at maturity. 

let notwithftanding all negative perfeftions, is (he continu- 
ally prefcribing a contrary praftice to her daughter, and^ 
perpetually condemning the young btdy for the lead inti- 
mation of what (he is uncea(indy praAmng herfelf. 

If a ' parent in reaHty would have his wa a good man, / 
let him teach by his practice as much as by his precepts; and 
never, through a doating partiality, overlook thofe aftions 
ia a child which he wduld inevitably condemn in any body 
elfe. Finally, let all parents, from tlie introduftory part dP' 
this paper' <!:on(ider, that it is no di(grace for a fon to be de- 
pendent on a father*s bounty, but that nothing can be more 
dangerous than ft>r a father to be dependent on a (on. 



7h? WISE-MAN: or, the MUTE : A Fabk, by Sir 
HARRT BEAUMONT. 

IN a neat little country town, there lived two friends. Mr. 
Bridgman, (who was the elder of the two,) vas almoft s^ 
famous as the Speftator hhnfelf, for (aying vary litde. Yes, 
and No, were the words chiefly in u(e with him ; for (like the 
Speftator too) he was very (bnd of monofyllables. He lived 
in great peace and quietnefs with all his neighbours; and ed* 
joyed his life with much eafe, on an income that was rather 
a comfortable than a large' one. His friend, Mr. Jphnibn, 



% 



jii THE rOJUIXB »ItSCEW^Ajinr: ift, 

hsii been much richer ; but by being too agt to fay Ssveii 
thiDgs of other people, Kad^^ fl^de hliJ^c]£^ro jbo^J enemies^ 
<hat what by quarrelk ^nd law raits, immkt by o^d^^ 
ii9 patron, he was reducedto a very low dib. Oneeyenkig 
as thefe two friends vrcxt fiUang by die firb-fide, v^iek li^l 
pencd to them,moft cvemngs^ (for Mr. Bridgnu^i did ikft Im^ 
much company, and Mr. Johnfon had quarrelled aiid.tal|||d 
away moft of the people that he had formerly been acqi^iM-< 
•d with;) after the latter bad been giving the charad^srs' of 
all the moft condderable people, for fire miksioundi; and 
tot any one of them, without a daih (at leaft) d hk uliiaf 
Icverity, ' Prithee^ Bridgmon, (lays he) ,^ouj^ cttrfhcidj ' 
*' knows ydu are fuch a mute, yet don^t think that Tit hsM 

* all the tolk thus entirely to myfelf. 'Ti$ bit fair that yoii 
*" fliould club fomething to the cdnverfation. Do you t\cf^, iW 

* your turn, give me a charafter or two-ijf fomeof om? 

* neighbours; for Vm ftire I have treated you with sSxwe 

* t hundred of them.* Bridgman fmoaked on m file moft 

profound filence. — — * Poh ! This is carrying your humour 
*' too far ! Why I had rather fit by myfelf, tlmn with ^i ab-' 

* folutcly dumb man.' — -Bridgman fmoaked on;-*—* Nay;^ 

* dear Bridgman, (cried he) favo^ur me with<»ie character, 

* for heaven's fake, if it be but one!' -When Mr. Brid^; 

man had fmoaked out his pipe, and beat the a(hei^enr )«{» ' 
furely out of it, he launched out into the foltowing pcohi&s^ 
rf words 5 (for with him it wa« a vaft prdfufiofn) * Good ftfif/ 

* Jdmfon, through the whole dourfe of my life, l%af # beeg^ 
^^a great infpeAor into the manners of men; bu^ al tpgir 

* virig any cbarafters, I muft beg that you would eymS^lfm: 

* It is, and always has been, my way, where I cannot ^feak 

* well of any bc^y, to fay nothirig at all. By this means, I 

* am come to be tailed The Mute. Be It fo; fince hy tte 

* lame mfeans, I continue well wifli ei«ry body ; and in fpite 
[ of the badnefe of mankind, have nothing to com^lda of 

* (for my own particular) from any o£ them. ^Y6u fee mj 

^ way, to all the eafe an happlnefe that I enjoy. ^Db yoi 

* follow my example; and inftead of all thefe jars, and qiltt- 
« rels, and perplexities, that you are petpetusUpeo^^ hn^ 

* you would find yourfetf as unmofcfted^ acrd ^ }ti^fff4!f 



A GOLLfiGtiOM o# fissAYSj k^. .j{| 



COME, come, my gbod fliepherdls, our flocks ^e itttlft 
(hear, 
In yoHr holiday fuits with you lafles appeir i 
The happiell of folks are the guilelefs and fre^j 
And \irho are fo guilefs fo happy as we 5 
Who are fo guilelefs fo happy as We ? 
The happieU of folks ire the guilelefi sUid free, guiletcfe 

atidfrie; 
And who are fo'guilelefs, fo happy zt ^ve ? 
We harbour no pafltdns by luxury taught^ 
We praftife no arts with hypdcrify fraught ; 
What i^ think in our hearts you !nay read In dOr e^es; 
t*or> knowing no faWhodd, We need no difguife. 
By modes atld tiaprice are the city dames led, 
But we all the children of nature are bred ; 
By nature Alone are We painted and dreft, 
iFor the roles will bloom when there's peace in the br^ftj 
The ^atit ambition We never can dread. 
Our roofs are too low for fo lofty d head * 
Content and fweet chearfulnefs open our door^ 
They fmile with the fimple and teed with the poor. 
When love has poffeft us, that love we reireal ; 
Like the flocks that we feed are the pa/tions we feel \ 
So harmlefs and fimple we fport and we play/ 
And leave to fine folk to deceive and betray* 

A LETfkR from Lady WORTLEY MONTJctJ^i 
againji a maxim of Mwf dd la ROCHEFAUCAVL T'u 
•* that Marriages are convenient ^ but never delightful.'* 

IT appears very bold in me to attenipt to dcflroy a maxim 
eftablifhed by fo celebrated a genius as Monf; de ia Roche- 
faucault» and implicitly received by a nation Which calls itfelf 
the ODbf pcrfeftly pciite ill die world, afld^which has, forfo 
long a time; given laWs of gallantry to HHi Europe. 

But, fuif of the ardcnn-W^xicb the truth, iin^ires, Idare 
to advance the contrary^ jmd rb ikkti, holdty, diatit ismar* 
rUd love only which caii be d^ghtful'to a good mind. 

3 A Nature 



t 



3f4 THE POLITJ^ MISCELLANY: ok, 

Nature fets before us pkafures fuited to our fpecies; wc 
have bQt to follow the initinft iofufed by tafte, and elevated 
by a lively and agreeable ima^nation, to find the only felidty 
mortals are capable of. Ambition^ ^varice, vanity, c^ofi^ve, 
in their moft perfeft enjoyments, bur very moderat^.pl^alircs, 
not capable to affeft a noble foul. We muft regard the 
gifts of fortune but as fo many (leps to attain happineis ; 
but we (hall never find It, in obtaining her trifling favoprs, 
which arc no more than the troubles of life, if they arc not 
looked upon as neceflary to obtain, or to preferve^ a felicity 
more defirable, ,^^ . 

That happincfs is to be found only in frienmmp, /piijded 
upon perfeft efleem, fixed upon long acquaintance^ cbn- 
Jfirmed by inclination, and enlivened by the tendemefe of love; 
which the ancients have very well defcribed by the figure of 
a beautiful child; he is pleafed with childifh g^mes, he i* 
tender and delicate, incapable to hurt, charmed wit^ tripes, 
ail his defigns terminate in pleafures ; but thofe. pleaii^res 
are fwect and innocent. They have reprefented under a^very 
diftrent figure a paflion too grofs to be named, but of wJbich 
tfic multitude are only capable, I mean that of a ^tyr, wMch 
i$ more befHal than human; and they have es^prefled in that 
equivocal animal, the vice and brutality c^.the fenfuqlappe' 
tite, wUch is, notwithflanding, the only foundation of ail 
the ^e fyflem of polite gallantry. 

A paffion, that wiOies only to content itfelf wi^ the l(A 
of what it thinks the mofl amiable in the world ;Vpa|noQ 
founded on injuflice, fupported by deceit, and fpUpWed by 
crimes, remorfe, fhame, and contempt; can it be d<j|gh'tful 
to a virtuous heart ? Yet this is the amiable equip^ pf all 
unlawful engagements; we find ourfelves obliged to era^cafe 
from the ibul all the feiitiments of honour infeparable j^0|& 
a noble education, and to live in an cteinaj' puifuit of ,that 
which we condemn ; obliged to have our pleafures impoi- 
fixied by remorfe, and to be reduced to the unhappy ftatc rf 
renoundng virtue, yet not able to content ourielves ynh 
vice. * . .. . ^ . .".', 

We cannot tafte the fweets of perfeft love but pa wcE- 
fulted marriage. Nothing fa much difliDguifhqs a'litd^ xhind 
as to fbp at words.. What Ilgtiifies that cuftom ^oir which 
we fee very ^ood reafbns) of making the qaipe j^. J^^ 
and ^e ridiculous? A bufbaiid rignines, in tlie ^^oal inter- 

pretatidb 



I 



pr^aAaa, a jealous mortal/ a qfdarreHotr^^^ or a good 

fort of fool, on whon^i we may impofe any diipg; a wUe 
is a domefHc daemon, gveti to ffiis poor man to idcccivcand 
torment him. The conduft of the generality of people fuf- 
fictently juftifies thefe two charafters. But l fiiy, a^in,' 
What figiiify words? A wdl ijegulated marria^ is cotiijkc 
thofe of ambition and intereft : It is two lovers who live toge- 
ther. Let a Prieft pronounce certain words, let an Attor»ey 
fign certain papers; I look upon thefe preparations as a lover 
does on a ladder of cords, that he fixes to the ^^ndow of bis 
ihiftrefe. 

It is impoffible that a perfeft and well-founded love fhould 
-*e happy but in the peaceable poffeffion of the objeft beloved, 
and that peace docs not take from the fweetnefs and vivacity 
of a paflion fuch as I have imagined, If I would! amufe my- 
feff in writing romances, I fhould hot place theieatof true 
hapjMnefs in Arcadia, or on the borders of Hymen.. I am 
not fuch a prude as to limit the mofl delicate tendemefs to 
wilhes ; I fhould bcg^n the romance by the marriage of two 
peribns united by their mind, tafle, and inclination; can any 
thing be more happy than to uqite thdf intqpt^ and thdr life ! 
The lover has the pleafure of giving the lafl mark of his 
effeem and confidence to his miftrefs ; fhe, in return, gives 
feim the care of her repofe and liberty. Can they give each 
other more dear or more tenders pledges ? And is it not natu- 
ral to wifh to ^ve to each other inconteftible proofs of that 
tendernds with which the foul is penetrated ? 

I know there are fome people of falfe delicacy, who main*- 
tain, that the pleafures of love are orily dfste to difficulties 
and dangers. They fay, very wittily, the rofc would not 
be the rdfe without thorns, ^nd a tboufand other ttifles of 
that nature, which make {6 little impre^on on my mind, 
that 1 am perfuaded, was I a lover, Ac £ear of hurting h^r 
I loved would make me unhappy, if the poffeffion was ac- 
companied with dangers to her. The life of marfied Iby^rs 
Is very different ; they pafs it in a dtma of mutusd obligations 
and marks of benevdenccf and have the pleafure of forming 
'the entir*^ faappineis of die objeft beloved ; ia wbidi ppiat I 
place perfeft enjoyment 

The mofl tiiflkig cares of oecdnomy become ndbfe' and de- 
licate, when they areheightened.byfcntim^tsrf^tcndernefs. 
To foiidfti a toom k no bnger faitAfluDg ^ room, it Is orna- 
1^2 menting 



1 



3f« THE fOLlTE MISCELLANY: ^n^ 

meoting the place where I expefiipy lover; to ordfr x fiq^fpcr 
1$ not (imply giviog orders to t cook, it is zmiftDgmpSl 
io rcgalins; him I love. Tbde oeceflary OQcapations, regfu-ded 
in this Mit by a lover, are pleafures infinitely mpre feoA^ 
and limy than cards and public {daces, ^hich mak^.^ 
happinefs of the multitude inc^able of true pleafure. >A 
paffion happy and contented, loftcns evoy movemc^toiF tbi^ 
ibul, and gilds each objed that we look on. 

To a happy lover, (I mean one married to his miftcefs) if 
he has a6y cmobyment, the fatigues of the camp, tb^ cm^ 
barraflments ot court, every thing becomes agreeabkwhea 
he can fay to himfelf, it is tofervc her I love, If fiiropne 
is favourable, (for that doe$ not depend on merit) wif^^ 
fuccefs to his undertakings, all the advantagei» he rfcejlre^ 
are offerings due to her charms, and^e finds, in the iu^ceff 
pf his ambition, pleafure much mor^Jfjcly and w^thyjiaot 
ble mind, than that of raifing his fp^m, or of ^i^^ ap<> 
plauded by the public, He enjoys his glory, hi^ raaj|, his 
riches, but as they regard her he loves; and it is her jove^ 
(he .hears praifed, when he gains the approbaticHi of the^w* 
liament, die praifes of the Army, or the favour of biff^riik:ei 
' Jq misfortune, it is his confblation to retire to a perifeia whi 
feels his forrow, and to lay to himfelf in her vms, " My 
Jiappinefs docs not depend on the caprice of fortune; beie a 
my affured aiylum againft all grief; your efteem mtake$ me 
iufenfible to the injufticc of a court, or the ingratitude of 
a mafler; I feel a fort of pleafure in the bfe of H^y eftate^ 
as that misfortune gives me new proofs of your virtue and 
tcndernefs. How little defirable is grandeur to perfons aV 
ready happy? We have no need of flatterers or equipages ; 
I reign in yoi^r heart, and I poflefs \xi your perfon all the de- 
lights of nature." In (hort, there is no fituation of which 
the melancholy may not be foftened by the company of the 
perfon we love. Even an illnefs i^ not without its j^cafures, 
wja^n we are attended by one we love, I fhould never have 
.ffone, was I to give you a detail of all the charma rf an union 
in which we find, at once, all that flatters the fenfesinthe 
moft delicate and moft extended pleafure; but I cannot conr 
elude without mentioning the fatisfaftion of feeii^ each day 
inCrcafe the amiable pledges of our tender frrendfliig^ and 
the occupation of improving them according to their difierqit 
Axes, Vlt abandon ourfelves to the tendf i? i^%*^ ^f r^- 

/ J ' '" ture 



tyre refioed bf Ipsrc. . Wc^iw^c !^.tbe,d^^ter thebf^ii^ 
of the mother, and reipe^ Id the ton the appearances' ci£ 
ijndecft^wyding aiiid *^^ffi^ probity whigh we efteem in the 
father. It is a pleafiire of which Gob hin^elf (according 
to Mofes) W4S fenliblc, when feeing what he had done, he 
found it good. ' 

Apropos of Mofes, the firft plan of happinefs infinitely 
ftirpafled all otliers^ and I cannot Jorin to myfelf an idea of 
paradice more delightful tha^ that Hate in which oilr firft pa-^ 
r^nts were placed; that did not laft, becauie they did not 
know the world; (which is the true reafon that there ard 
jq few love-joaatches happy,) Eve may be confidered as a 
foolifti child, and Adam a man very little enlightened. Whea 
pieofde pf that fort meet, they may, perhaps, be amorou$ 
at firft, but that cannot laft. They form to themfclves, in 
the violence of thdr paffions, ideas ^bove nature ; a maa 
thinks his miftrefs an angel becaufe (he is handibme ; a womaa, 
\s inchanted with the merit of her lover, becaufe he' adcM-es 
her. The firft cfciagc of her complexion takes from his ado- 
ration, and the huft)and ceafing to adpre her, becomes hate- 
ful to her, who had no other foundation for her love; by 
degrees they are diignfted with one another, and, after the 
example of our firft parents, they throw on each other the 
p-ime of their mutual weaknefs ; afterwards coldnefs and 
contempt follow ^ great pace, and they believe they muft 
hate each other becaufe they are married ; their fmalleft 
faults are magnified ih each other's fight, and they are blinded 
to their mutual perfi^ions. A commerce eftabliflied upon 
paflipn can have no6therattendants. A man, when he mar- 
ries his miftrefs, ought to forget ths^t (he then appears ado- 
rable to him; to confider that (he is but a fimplc mortal, fuh- 
jeft to difcafes, caprice, and lU-humour. He muft prepare 
his conftancy to fupport the lofsof her beauty, and colleft 
a fund of coijaplaccncy, which is neceflary for the continual 
converfetion of the perfon who is moft agreeable, ^d the * 
Jeaft unequal. The woman^ on her fide, muft not expcft 
a continuance of flatteries and obedience. She muft dilpofe 
,herfelf to obey agreeably, a fcience very diffictitl, and, of 
confequence, of great merit to a man capable of feeling. 
She muft ftrivc to heighten the charms of a miftrefs by thegoiSi 
fenfe and folidity of a friend. When two perfons, prepof^ 
(isfied ^ith fentimeQts fo reafbnablc, are united by eternal ties, 

all 



I 



|5t THE POLITE MISCELLANY- ot, ^ 

^ TUtnre ^Hes upon them, tod even common objeAsbec<»ne^ 
charming. , » 

It appears to me a life infinitely more deUghtful> more ele*^ 
gaot, and more pleafurable^ than the befl: conduced and moft 
happy gallantry. A woman capable of reflection cannot but 
look upon her lover as her feducer, ^who would take advan- 
tage of her weakncfi to give himfelf a momentary pleafure, 
tt the expencc of her repofe, of her gjbry, and of her Ufe. 
A highwayman who claps a pftol to the brcaft, to take away 
your purfe, appears to me more honeft and lefs guilty ; and 
I have ib good an opinion of myielf as to tMnk, was I a man, 
I /hould be as capable to lay the plan of an aflaflinatioii as 
tlhat of debauching an honeft woman, refpeftablc in the 
world, and happy in her marriage. Should I be capable of 
empoUbning a heart by infpiring it with an unhappy pjiflSon; 
to which (he muft facrifice her Iwnour, tranquility, and vir* 
ttie! Shall I render a perfon defpicable becaufe (he appears 
amiable to me ! Shall I reward her tenderncfe by rendoing 
her houfc no longer agreeable, her children indifferent, and 
her hufbaiid hateful ! I believe thefe reflcftions would appear 
of the fame force, if my fex did render fuch proceedings cx- 
cnfable; and 1 hope I (hould have fenfe enough not to think 
vice left vicious becaufe it was in faftuon. 

I cfteem much the morals of the Turks, an ignorant pebi 
pie, but very polite, in my opinion, A gallant convidc^ 
of having debauched a married woman, is looked upc«i by 
them V ith the fame horror as an abandoned woman by us ; 
he Is fure never to make his fortune; and every one would 
be alhamed to give a confiderable employment to a- man fair 
pe6led of being guilty of fo enormous a crime. What would 
tiiey fay in that moral nation, were they to fee pne of our 
anti^night-errants, who are always in purfuit of adventures 
• to put innocent young women in diftrefs, and to ruin the 
honour of women of faftuon; who regard beauty, youth, 
rank, and virtue, but as fo many fpurs to incite their defire 
to ruin, and who place all their glory in appearing artful Ic* 
ducers, forgetting that, with all their care, they can never 
attain but to the iecond rank, the d(^vils having been long fince 
\h poffeflion of the firft! 

I own that our barbarous manners are fo well calculated 
for the eflabli(hment of vice and mifery, (which is infepara- 
hle from it) that they muft have hearts ai^d heads it^fimtely 

aboir 



A COLLECTION OF ESSATS,:«cc. 119 

above the common, to enjoy the felicity of a marriage fucb 
as I ha?e deicrtbed. Nature is fo weak, and fb givea to 
change, that it is difficult to fupport' the beft founded coi^ 
ftancy, amtdfc thofe many diflipations that our ridiculous 
cuftoms have rendered i^vitable, A hufband who .loves hi& 
wife, is in pain to fee ner take the liberties which faftiio^ 
allows; it appears hard to refufe them tocher, andhcfindf 
himfelf obliged to conform himfelf to the polite miners 
of Europe; to fee^ every day, her hands a prey to every 
one who will take thcni; to hear her difplay, to^the whole 
world, the charms of her wit; to fliew her neck in full day; 
to drefs for balls and fhows, to attract admirers, and to liftea 
to the idle flattery of a thoufand and a thoufand fops. Caa 
any man fupport his efteem for a creature fo public, or, at 
leaft, does not (he lofe much of her merit ! 

I return to the Oriental maxims, where the moft beautiful 
women content themfelves with limiting the power of theif 
charms to him who has a right to enjoy them ; they have too 
much honour to wifh to make other men miferable, and ar« 
too fmcere not to own tliey think themfelves capable of ex- 
citing paflion. 

I remember a converfation I had with a lady of great qua- 
lity at Conftantinoble, the moft amiable woman I ever knew 
in my life, and for whom I had afterwards the moft tender 
friendftiip; fhe owned, ingenuoufly, to me, that fhe was 
content with her hulband. What libertines you chriftiaa 
women are! (faid fhe;) it is permitted you to to recdve 
vifits from as many men as you pleafe ; and your laws per- 
mit you, without limitation, the ufe of wine, I affured hcc 
fhe was very much mifin formed; that it was true we received 
vifits; but thofe vifits were full of form and refpea,'^nd 
that it was a crime to hair talk of love, or to love any other 
than our hufbands. Your huibands are very good (faid fhe, 
laughing) to content theiiffelves with fo limited a fidelity. 
Your eyes, your hands, your converfation, are for the pub- 
lic, and what do you pretend to referve for them ? Pardon 
me, my beautifiil Sultana, (added fhe, embracing me) I 
have all poflible inclination to believe what you fay, but you 
would impofe upon me impoffibilities. I know the amorous 
complexion of you infideb, I fee you are afhamed of them^ 

and 



i 



S«6 TH£ POLitK MtSCfiLLANV: dft, 

•m! I will neref meiitioD them to you more *• 

I fottDd fo much good fenfe and truth id all (tie fiAd, th^ 
I could fcarccly coetradift her; and I owned at firft, that 
fhe had re^ifons to prefer the mentis of the MuilHinen to oai- 
ridicolout cnfiomt, which dre furprizia^y opfo&tt to ^ 
ifarift maxims of Chriftiaoily. And» notWitUtandkg bnt 
4boli(h manners, I am of opinion, that a woman^ (teier-' 
mined to find her happmefs in the love of her hufband, myiA 
|;iTe up the extravagant d^fire of teing admired by the fub- 
Sc ; ami that a huiband> who loves his wke, muil dq^rivo 
himfeif of the reputation of being a gallant at Court. Yol 
fee that I fuppole two peribns very extraordinary ; itisao^ 
then, very furprizing fuch a union ftiould be rare in acc^-< 
try, where it is neceflary, in order to be happy, to dd|ai^ 
the eflablifhed maxims. I am, &c. 

* nis c-ynverfation is PieHiioned in t be letters lately ftiiiyhedi 
as nvritten by Lady M'—^y W-'—y j^/-**---^, 



OR SLA N £> E «. 

•* T7HAT is that vice whidi ftill prevails, 
V V When almoft every paflion fiails ; 
Which with our very dawn begun, 
Kor ends but wi A the fetting fun : 
Which, Hke'the noxious Weed, (;an fpdif 
The faircft floFW'rs, and choak the f<A ? 

*Tis SLANDER- And, vVith fliame I owli^ 

The vice of hum^i-kbd alone* 



On a quiet' CO NftlE NCE, 

CLOSE thine eyes, afid ffeep fc(?nre; 
Thy foul is fafe,' thy body fcre j 
tte that guards thee, he that kcep^, 
JJever (lumbers, never fleeps. 
A quiet confciencc; in the breafl 
Has only peace, has Only reft: 
The mufic and the mirth of kings 
Are out of tune, unlefi fhe fings : 
Then ctofe thine eyes m peice, and fleep feCufi?y 
^ No fleep fo fweet as thine, no reft fo fure^ 



AQQlLlS^eriOU OF ZBSAYS/kc. jtft 

frm the P4per called The WbttL 
ft Mr. FiT^t-ADAM. 

SIR, 

FROM the indulgence you have fo <rften fhcwn to tfee 
produflioas of female correfpondeats, I am encouraged 
to hope that you will not refufe this epilUe a place in youf 
paper. 

You muft know, fir, that with a tolerable perfon, a very 
good fortune, and lovers in abundance, I have a particular 
humour to live and die a maid. This way of thhiking, 
I proteft, does not arife from diiappointed love, but on the 
.contrary, from my never having feen an^ one man who has 
been pG^jQed of thofe accompllfhments which I think ne^ 
Gcflary for an hufband. 

You will imaigine, perlttps, that I hardly know myfelf 
what £>rt of a man I would have; but to convince you of 
die contrary, I am gomg to give you a defcription of one, 
whom, notwithftanding my prdent humour, I would v^^ 
lingly marry, and rc^rd with a fortune oJF ten tl^ouiknd 
pounds. Such a declaration as this» while there are fo many 
fortune-hunters, witty fparks, pretty fellows, and drave 
widowers, about town, will undoubtedly (bike ibme^un- 
dreds ^th a flattering hope that I am eafily u> be carried 
off: but to iilence their pretenfions all at once, here follows 
the defcriptbn of the only man in the world that I will con- 
fent to marry ; and whom I ihall beg leave to entitle 

THE MAID'S HUSBAND. 

Notwithftandii^ it is a fatal maxim among women, *' To 
^* plcafc the eye, though they torture the heart," yet I am 
ip far an advocate for pleafing the eye, that the man Tbave^ 
an idiea of, muft have a perfon graceful and cnga^i^. 'f he 
leatares df his face lAuft^be regular; and ^though regular^ 
^eeable ; which as yet I hardly remember to have feen, 
b^ving generaUy obierved that where nature is moft exfi(k, 
flfie is leaft engaging. His eyes muft be Uvely,^ iparkling, 
9iid affisfttog ; and over the whole face there muft be a dear 
€0|Xiplf3^9 health^ cbes^ulnefs smd ieolibUity. His fta« 

3 A turc 



< 



462 T'HE'PCMLITE MlSCELLANYy c*r, 

ture mod be inclining to the tall ; his motion eafy and geR- 
tcd; free firdm the fliort pcrttrip of Ae aifefted bean, or 
the haughty tragic ftcp of the more folemn fop. His beha- 
Tiour ferious, but naturiri; neither tdo'open, nor too re- 
ferved. His look, his langh, his fpeech and his whole man- 
ner, muft be juft without afieftation, and free vdtli(^l|^ 
vity. ' '^^ 

Thus much for his perfon. I come now to the endo^^^ 
ments of his mind ; without which, grace, beauty, an4 
AgrceaUcuefs, will avail hkn nothing. His genius muft be 
mdful; his knowledge extenfive. Men, as wcilasbopks^ 
muh have been his ftndy. Learning, freedom, and gat 
lantry muft be fo blended in him, as to make him al^fiiyi 
the improving fiicnd, the gay companion and the entei^l;»|t;^ 
ing lover. In converfation he muft fay notjiing with ft^ijlfi 
nor yet any thing at random. His thoughts muft flow fro^^ 
him naturally, yet not without that delicacy of expre|Son, 
which is neceflary to give them a genteel turn. To the ^a? 
lents of his mind, let me add (if I may be allowed thp mf 
ftinftion) the qualities of his foul. He muft be generous 
without prodigality; humane without weaknefs; juft witb-; 
put fevcrity ; and fond without folly. To his wife he miift/ 
be endearing; to his children affectionate; to his frieai[4 
warm ; and to mankind benevolent. Nature and reaibn n^i0 
}^in their powers, and to the opennefs of the heart ad4 the 
virtue of oeconomy; making him careful without ayaride^^v 
and giving him a kind of unconcernednefe without negli- 
gence. With love he muft have refpeft ; and bfa-conti- 
nual complaifance always win upon the inclination. He muft 
t^kc care to retain his conqueft by the means he gained it, 
and etertudly look'^d fpeak Vith the fame defires and affec- 
dons, though with greater freedom. 

It has been obferved by experienced people, that theibul 
contrafts a fort of Windnefs by loving: But the man I aitt 
jpeakkig of muft derive his f^ntiments from reafon ; and the 
paffion which in others is looked on as the mark of ftdly, 
be in him the true effeft of judgment. 

To thefe qualities I muft add that charm which is to be 
confidered before all the reft, though "hard to be met with, 
in this libertine Age, kkligion. He muft be devout ^^itt^ 
out fuperftition, and pious without melancholy; far from- 
tint infirmity, which make^ men niKharitable bigots, Mufittg 

-' .. i'it<^ 



v1 



A, COLLECTION OF ESSAYS, Kc/ . 965 

ifitp thfi. beast a;n*or^<?cjCHileaipto£ the !w^ aodan^ti- 
pathy to the pleafures oPit. He muft-aot tfe fuch a lov^ 
of ibcietyas to mU with the afIemblie9:of kaavesi and UoeSf- 
heads,^ nor yet of ppinipn that he ought to letht fcom maflP- 
Jkind to feekQOD in thejuwror of folitudS : On the 
contrary, he muft think that the ALMIGHTY ifif toife 
iFound amongft men, where his goodnefs is mad^ aftive^ and 
iris prowdence moft employed. There it is that religion 
muft enlighten, and rcaioxx regulate his coodufl, both in the 
<:ares of lalvation, and the duties of life. ^ 

With fuch a man, a woman muft enjoy thofe pleaiuris 
in marriage which none but fools would ridicule. Her htif- 
t»nd would be always the fame, and always jdeafuig. ' Oth#r 
wives are glad if they can now and then find with tlkix 
bulbands one agreeable hour ; but with this, one cUfagreeable 
iainute would be impoffible. On whatever occafioas we 
ftiould fee or (peak to each other, it muft bewith mutugl 
plcafure, and affured fatiafaftion. * jr^ 

. Now, Mr. Fitz-A4am, let your dreffing, fcrit4)ling, haiid- 
.fome young fellows, whether of the Temple, of the Uni- 
.vcrfity, of the Army, or of the City^ who would be glad 
^f a woman of five and twenty, not difagrceaWc ia her 
peribn, and vnth ten thoufand pounds in t^r pockety read 
this charafter ; and if any one will aflcrt and prove it ^ 
-. belong to himfelf, my heart, hand and fortune are entirdy 
^t hisfcrwce.^ But I believe, fir, that inftead of a mat^^ 
ThaVelicendefcribinga monfterof the imagination ; a thin^ 
that neither is, was, nor ever will be : I am therefore refign- 
ed to my condition, and can think without repining of dy- 
ing a maid (and I hope an dd one) fmce I am not to expefl 
a huiband to the wifhes of. 

Sir, your humble fervant, 

reader and correspondent, 

A, B 

Though I doubt not but my fair corrdpondent is tho- 
roughly dcferving of the huiband (he knows lb well how to 
d^fcribe, yet I could have wiftied, as well for her own fake, as 
for the fake of ibme happy man/ that (hi^ had added a qua- 
lifying poftfcript to her letter, fignifying that (he was willing 
to make fome little abatement in her demands. When 
gentlemen build houfes, it is uiiial with them either to give 
3 B 2 up 



1 



3«4 'THE POLITE MtSCELLAHY: ok, 

tsp oontoiieacy for mpro^pe(^, 6c a profpeft for coo^raiiencj. 
In this mtnner O&aid a hdy oA in the chcx$:e of an huf- 
hud: If (be &ts her heart upon a face, ihe (hoald have 
no diiltke to a ooxcomb; or If (he falls m love vAAi a 
iiiNHy a (loven (hoold amdur charming : For the odds are 
MfpinA her, that the hanc^me Jtlan is t&one, and die miSBi 
^ knowledge the other. 

Exclufive of myfelf, I know of no fn^h dmraS^ as tfjjs 
l^dv has defcribed; nor dare I &y a word of my own pe^Ei 
am accompliflmients, being unfortunately near (^fusty, an9 
t ittarrted nmn. It has alfo been hinted tdi^ (krtftom 
to dtoive mf body) that I have a fimdlHobp in luy^gaft; 
tod that I am not quite (b well-bred upon all ecdffibtets^ 
yoong hdy mig^t expert meto be. 

I am aUb cau&)os of recommebdlng ittf t£ thofe 'i^ 
tlemen who are daily adverdfmgfbr wive» in the pulffic^ 
ipers: For whether it be owing to their ^trdne mtUmf^ 
or Aether they have really uo other accompltfhmaiH tffcfh 
they ufuaUy fet fordi to the world, thdr dda^tidhs Si'iStitm- 
felro amount to no more, than ** ^hat dbeylale ta9, nw*- 
''* made, and very agreeable ; that they hire healAytxie^ 
*^ tutioDs, have had liberal educations, ^ and ^e of limr 
<r morals." But as tbefe defcriptions Itfb bl^ ^ A^Mfilfc 
(jparticukr enough, I cannot be certain that m^lKftd!!^ 
of them wUI exaftly anlwer the idea of Ae Miib^Hfei- 
BAND. Bcfides, I have lately received lettei*s rr%(nfaf# 
cular ladies, v^ho either as principals or fitefidsj l^^t&a:- 
mined thefe gentlemen, which letters dKire nofe lOnft tift^ 
<}o not at all<»me up to the idea pvcn of tlledQt(9^, leVcA 
)n thdr own modeft advertUements. i 

But before I take leave of my higdtfotfs (j or i ^ f ^dfe t, 
I promife to give notice in this papertjf the fir(tMAiD's 
Husband that falls within my knowledge; and i(^fli| 
plcafcs to fignify where and when (he wiU be waited on fif 
any fuch gentleman, her commands (hall be executed witn 
the niceft punftuality. ^r (as it is very ^Iider&fdy ex- 
^reiled in an advertilcment tiow before me) ifi^ifeAffi^ 
mot cbufe t^ appfarfi^nrjbna/fyjhr the ^ time, mayfm^ 
Merfnpier la^(f'ieriH^ahaimefofhefSgee'^fah^^.^ 



DXwrmCH 



A GOLtECTtOta OF kssAY*^ *c. , |«5 

ExtraSs fra^ GOTHAM, fook IL 
jy C» ChxjrchiJ-l. 

rnpHE author bi^ins this book with refleftions on the 

JL cenfiires paft by the MoAdily Revie>)(rer^ ofi the firft 
book : After taking notice of die difFereht manners ia 
which difFerent poetical writers nandle their fCibjefl, he ob* 
ferves, That ^ 

SENSE, mere\ dull, formal Senfe, in this gay town 
Muft have fome vehicle to pais it down, 
Nor can (he for an hour infiire her reign, 
Unlefs (he brings fair pleafuxe In her' train. 
Let her, frooi day to day, from year to year, 
In aD her grave Solemnities appear^ 
And, with the voice of trumpets, through theftrcets 
Deal leftures out to ev'ry one fhe meets. 
Half who. pals by areideaf, and t'other half 
Can hear indeed, but only hear to laugh. ^ 

Quit then, ye graver fons of lettered .pride, 
Takmg for once experience as a guiae, 
Qnit this grand error, this dull College mode *; 
Be your purfiUts the iame, but change the road ; 
Write, or at leaft appear to write with eaie. 
And, if you mean to profit, learn to plcafe. 

In vain for fudi miilakes they pardon claim, 
Becaule they wield the pen in virtue's name. 
Thrice iacred i$ that, name, thrice blefs'd the man 
Who thinks, {peaks, writes, and lives qn fudi a plan ! * 
This, in himfelf, himielf of courie muil blels. 
But cannot wth the world promote fiiccefs. 
He may be ftrong, but, with efleft to fpcak, 
Should IrecpUedl his readers may be weak ; 
Plain, rigid truths, which famts with comfort bear, 
Will make the finner tremble and de{p4r« 
True vnrtuc afts from love, anci the great end, 
At which (he nobly aims, is to ameildi: , 
How then do thofe miftake, who arm n$r Jaws 
With rigour not their own, and hurt the caufe 
They inean to help, whilft with a zealot rajge 
Tfaqr make that goddefs, whom they'd have engage 

Our 



3^6 T^E P^Ql^n|E. MISCE1.LANY: oft. 

Our dcarcft love, in hideous terror rife ! 
Such may be honeft, but they can't be wife. 

The poet then, after a larcafHcal addrefe to the Monthly 
Reviewers on the Tcore of their criticifm, breaks forth 
thus: 

Me higher bufincfs calls, a greater plan, v. 

Worthy man's whole enjploy, the good of jman, : - 
The good of man committed to my charge; 
if idle fancy rambles forth at large, 
Carelefs of fuch a truft, thefe harmlefs lays 
May friicndlhip envy, and may folly praife. 
The crown of Gotham may fome Scot aflume. 
And vagrant Stuarts reign in Churchill's room. 

The poet then takes occafion to expatialte on the mijleri^ 
ncccIEu-ily attendant on a Stuart's reign. The following 
lines are particularly fpirited and poetical ; m 

Let war, with all his needy, ruffian band. 
In pomp of horror, ftalk thro' Gotham s land v 

Knee-deep in blood; let all her (lately tow'rs - ♦ 

Sink in the duft, that court, which now is oUr's, ^ 

Become a den, where bcafls may, if thfey can, , . '^- 

A lodging find, nor fear rebuke of man; T 

Where yellow harvefts rife, be; brambles found; * \ 

Where vines now creep, let thiftles curfe the grouqd ; 
Dry, in her thoufand vallies, be the rills ; 
Barren the cattle, on her thoufand hills ; ^ 

Where pow'r is pfac'd, let tygers prowl for prey ;*^/;, . 
\Vherejuftice lodges, let wild afles bray; ^t 

Let cormorants in churches make their fteft, 
And, on the fails of commerce, bitterns reft ; , ' /. 

Be all, though princes in the earth before, ,. p 

Her merchants, bankrupts, and her marts no more ; % 

Much rather would I, might the wiW of fate 
Give me to chufe, fee Gotham's ruined ftate 
By ills on ills, thus to the earth weigh'd down. 
Than live to fee a Stuart wear her crown. 

In (his cauftic ftile he traces the whole Stuart line in a kind 
of hiftorico-poetical manner : But the reign on which he 

fccms 



I 



A CpLLECf ION '0# fesSAYS," l^c. jgy 

feems to have beftowed moff pains, and which he Teems mpft 

dedrous of recommending to the notice of the reader, is 

that of Charles^ the firft, of which take the following 

fpedmen : 

With many virtues wWch a radiance fling 

Round private men ; with few which grace a king. 

And fpeak the monarch, at that time of life 

When paflion holds with reafon doubtful ftrife^ 

Succeeded Charles, by a mean fire undone. 

Who envied virtue, even in a fon. 

His youth was violent, turbulent, and wild ; 

He took the man up, ere he left the drild ; > 

His foul was eager for imperial fway 

Ere he had learn'd the leifon to obey. 

Surrounded by a fiiwning flattering throng, 

Judgment each day grew weak, and humour ftrong j 

Wifdpm was treated as a noifome weed. 

And all Ms follies let to run to feed. 

What ills from fuch beginnings needs muft fprmg ? 

jyhat ills to fuch a land, from fuch a king ! 

what could ftie hope ! whiat^had (he not to fear ! 

Bde Buddngham poflefs'd his youthful ear; 

Stafford and Laud, who boldly dar*d avow 

The trait'rous doftrines taught by Tories now; 

^ach drove t' undo him in his turn and hour, 

The^firfl:, with pleafure, and the laft with pow'r. 

Thinking (vain thought, difgraceful to the throne !) 
That all mankind were made for kings alone, 
That fubjefts were but flaves, and vAizt was whim 
Or worfe in comtnon men, was law in him ; 
Drunk with prerogative, which fate decreed 
To guard good kings, and bad ones to miflcad. 
Which, in a fair proportion, to deny 
Allegiance dares not, which to hold too high 
No good can wifli, no coward king can dare, 
And held too high, no Englifli fubjeA bear ; 
Befieg'd by men of deep and fubtle arts. 
Men void of principle, and damn*d with parts, 
Who faw his weakncfs, made their king their tool. 
Then moft a flave, when moft he iecm'd to rule ; 
Taking all public fteps for private ends. 
Deceived by fav*rites, whom he called friends; 

He 



it9 TRB FOLltX MISCfLLAN^: <^, 

He had not RrcDgfii cnotmh of foul: to fi&d 
That mooarchsy meant as bleflings to mankiiid, 
Sink their great ftate, and ftamp their fame undcyief 
When, what was meant for all, they pvc to one; 
Lift*ning uxorious, whilft a woman's prate, 
Modeil'd the church, and parcell*d out the ftate;, 
Whilft (in the ftate not more than women read) 
High-churchmen preach'd, and,ttim*d his pious tieadT; 
Tutor'd to fee A^th minifterial eyes J 
Forbid to hear a loyal nation's cries ; 
Made to believe (what can't a favorite do) 
He heard t nation hearing one or two; 
Taught by ftate-quacks himfelf iecure to think, 
^nd out of danger, ^en on danger's brink; 
Whilft pow'r was iaSly crumbUng from bis hand. 
Whilft murmur^ rtin uirough an infalted land. 
As if to fanftion tyrants heav'n was bound. 
He proudly fought the ruin which he found. 



Jn ANECDOTE relative to PROTESTANTISM mi 
POPERT. 

rr the year |68;, when king James II. came to tbeQx»wi^ 
a motion was made in parliament and put to the vote, 
« Whether his majefty IhouM be permitted to employ fopUk 
officers in his army, or not?' This important ^^oeftidDtiA 
which the eftablifhment of the Pro^eftant, dr thf Po^ 
Religion in thefe kingdoms depended, came to a ftiigjle v$CCf 
and was carried in favour of the fonnef by a provi^en^acd* 
dent. A cotirfier, who was to watch every voter w^<^ the 
member bad any' employment under the king, oUerved 
one that hnd a regiment going to vote a^nft the |p<^i$; 
and feeing him, put him warmly in mind of hi$ re;(p^^^^ 
He made anfwer, My brother died loft night an^ l^me f^^K 
a year: which Cngle vote gained a majority, aikii At^ l|(f 
proteftant religion. ' . -^ 



*«* 



A COLLECTION CKr J^SSAYS^ &c. 369 



To the Right Himourahk th^ LoRT^ KEEf^ER, oftdmyLojiD 
^fe Judge. 

The PiTiTioM o/a much dhufed^ yet very innocent perfon^ 
huntbly jhe^ethy 

THAT your lordfliips unhappy petitioner, though Sfre* 
tofore carefTed and acknowledged the mod ule^^md 
valuable fervant of mankind, is of late, through fome un- 
natural prejudices of education, or corruption of manners, 
become either fhamefuily neglefted, or notorioufly ill-ufed» 
and thoudi on all hands ms abilities in teaching,^ and biinging 
to perfeoioQ the greateft and moft ufeful defigns, are ac- 
knowledged ; yet it is aftonifhing to fee in what uielefs and 
trifling concerns, he is engaged by ""ibme, and \^t vile 
and infamous drudgery he goes through for others. Some 
have emfrioyed him many years together in teacluug them the 
art of managing a pack of cards to the bed advantage ; the 
confcquence of which is ruin if they do not fucceed, and 

, infamy If they do: Whereas if they had fo pleafed, he 
would with lefs trouble have taught them to conduft an ar- 
my or a fleet, by which they might have gained advantages 

. to Adr country, and glory to themfelvcs, Oihers drag him 
at thdr heels from one place of idle amufijment to another, 
npver confidering how he exhaufts his fpirits^ and confumes • 
MmlHf in folfewing them ; not fuflering him to do them any 
fttbftantial fervice, though they know him to be i!^ well qua- 
lified for it^ Nay, it can be proved, that daily attempts are 
made upC)!!! ^ life of your faid petitioner; fome being fb 
aban4on0|l as to confefs dieir barbarous and unnatural deflgia 
to kUl hi^ and openly and without fliame, fcdidt th^ K^e 
coa^KOuons lorjdin with Aem in their vidcked defign: lafb^ 
muck tbKt your petitioner is obliged to go oonftandy armed 
with a V4^ formidable weapon ; &e terror of which chou^ 
it forves to keep fome in awe, is yet not fuffldtot to deter thefe 
defperate wretches from their determined and conflant at- 
tempts to kill him. The niany cruel wounds your petitioner 
has received from the hands of thefe ruiGans have brought 
upon Mm numberlefs evils and calamities ; "vdiich, togetS^ 
widi the wei^t of years he now labours under^ render his 
nreient ftate a fcene dL nsfisforiunes and mifery. Inthemidfl: 

3C .of 



yiO THR POLITE I^lSCfiJUl-ANY: oft. 

of his diftrefleSy however, it is inatter of groat cooiidaiioq 
p your faid pedtioder, that the wilib and viri|K>iMi^ fdme^bvp 
of whom remain to comfort his old age. take every oppor* 
tunity of cheriftiing and making much of him, and afipoe 
in commiferating hi$ misfortunes, and lamenting the ilL*xAigg 
he receives fix>m the afore&id fooMi and abandoned profit 
eates. But notwithftanding thefe noUe examples, fnch is the 
^CCL of cuftom, and the prevalence of fafhion, dutb#v)|ry 
pQ(n>le outrage ftlll continues tp be committed widi impo 
nity againft the perfon of your abuled petitioner, tfaenoft an^ 
dent and moft ufeful fervant of mankind. > ^u 

It is therefore moft humUy prayed, that your iordfliipa 
will take the premifles into your lerious coniideratioo» and 
in your great wifdoms contrive feme efieftuai means or kwt 
to prevent or puniih thefe grois infults, and unpaandonabb 
outrages, committed againft an old man, paftthebdlx>f Ins 
yearSy hourly declining, and daily expeAin^ to refign his 
being to one wIk) wiU never forget the injuries down u> ti» 
predeceflbr. 

Jnd your petitioner^ as in duty* b^und, fiall pray far the 
\vncreafe of your bappinefs to the endrf 

TIME. 



lEtrER from Lady M- y W -y M ^ U tb$^^ 

Lady . ^ ^' x ' - 

■ ■ ' .'* i*t ■ 
Cologn, Augt(/l 4r6. ., 

IF my lady —• — could have any notion of the fiii%uetha(f 
I have fufiered thefe two laft days, I am fure^ vnuM 
own it a great proof of r^ard, that I now fittbwn to "vnitt 
to her. We hired hories from Nimeguen hither, JQot haiAD|^ 
the convcniency of the poft, and found but very indifKretiHf 
accommodatioDS at Reinberg, our iirft ftage ; btit it \tras nc^ 
thing to \rf!iat;I feffered yefterday. We wei-e iflrhop^^Nd- 
reach Coiogn : Our horfes tired at Stamel, three hours from 
k, where I was forced to pafs the night in my doaths, i^ i 
Hfqom not .at all better than a hovel ;^ for thou^ I hlive iiy 
lied with me, I had no mind .to undtds^ ^irhere>tfae wiadf 
eame from a thoufand places. We left this %retclk$3 Iddg^^ 
ibg at i$jAK^y and about fix this-inomisig came MehoKi 
1 uriiorc 



^ COLtEGTION OF* ESSAYS^ 8cc. 371 

^dftBe I got iiimcdlatfely ftiVo bed.'* I flc^t fe Avdl for three 
hoiirs» that^ found myfdf pctfeftly recovered, and have hi& 
i^Hrits enough to go and fee all that is curious in the towti, 
tAat is to fayy the churches, for here is nothing eife wortli 
leeing. This is a very large town, but the moft part of it 
is old built. The Jefuit's church, which Is the neatcft, wa$ 
fliewed me, in a very compkifant manner, by a handfom^ 
young Jefuit; who, not knowing who I was, took a liberty 
in his compliments and rallerie^, 'which very much diverted 
me; having never before feen any thing of that nature. I 
.could not enough admire the magnificence of the altars, th^ 
rich images of the faints, (all mafQr filv^) and die Encha- 
itires of the relicks ; though I could not help murmuring, 
in my *heart, at the profufion of pearls, diamonds, and ru- ' 
Kes, beftewed on the adornment of rotten teeth and dirty 
rags. * I own diat I bad wickednefs enough to covet St. Ur- 
fuh's pearl necklace; though perhaps this was no wickednefs 
at all, an image not being certainly one's neighbour; but I 
went yet farther, and wSfticd the wencb herfelf converted 
into drefGng plate. I (hould aUb gladly fee tonvcrted a great 
St. Chriftopher, which I imagine would look very well in 
a ciftern. Thefe were my pious refle^ons; though I was 
very well ladsfied to fee, piled up to the honour of our na* 
tion, the fkulls of eleven thou&nd Virgins. I have feen fome 
hundreds of relicks here of no lefs confequence; but I wiU 
' not imitate the common ftile of travellers fo far, as to give 
you a lift of th^m, being perfuaded, that you have no manner 
of curiofity for the titles given to jaw botfes and bits of 

worm-eaten wood. Adieu ; I am juft going to fupper^ 

where I fhaU drink your hi^alth in an admirable fort of Lor* 
rain vmcy which I am furc is the fame you call Burgundy ii^ 
JLondon^ $c. 8^Cs 



An ANECDOTE relative to Thomas lord €romwcll, 

THOMAS lord Cromwell was the fon of a blackfmitb 
at Putney, and was a ibldier under the duke of Bour* 
boQ^t the lacking of Rome in the year 1527. WhUe he 
was iibroad in a military charafter, in a very low ftation, he 
^Ufick, and was unable to follow the army ; hewasobferve^ 
one day by an Italian merchant to walk very penfive, and had 

3 C 2 ^ all 



1 



37a THE POLITE MtSCELLANYi u» 

all the appearaoa of f^ory «ui iwet^ednds. Tht^ttfetn 
chant enquired of him the place of his birth» MMid4cmmt, 
and upon convcrfing with Cromwell, was b well ptcaiied 
with the account be gave of himietF, that he fupi^ed bins |^ 
money and credit to carry him touigland. Cromwell mm 
wards made the mofi rapid progrefs in ftate-prefermefits^ tifei^ 
known* Honours were multiplied thick upon him. lOBdht 
came to have the difpeniing of his fovereign's bounty. It 
happened, that this Italian merchant's drcumffamces deoqfi^ 
and be came to England to folicit the payment of feme debts 
due to him by his correfpondents; who finding him n^^oeffi- 
tous, were diipofed to put him off) and to take the advantage 
of his want, to avoid payment. This not a little em&ar- 
raffed the foreigner, who was row in a fltuation forkm 
enough. As providence would have it, lord Ooihwell^' then 
earl of Eflex, riding to court, faw this merchant waDdog 
with a dejefted countenance, which put him in mind rf bb 
former fituation. He immediately ordered one of his atten- 
dants to defire the merchant to come to his houfe. His lord* 
Jhip alked the merchant whether he knew him ? He anfwered, 
Ko. Cromwell then related the circum/lancc of the mcr» 
chant's relieving a certain Englifhman; and aiked if be 1^ 
mcmbered it ? The merchant anfwered, that he had always 
made it his bufmefs to do good, but did not remember that 
circumftaoce. — His lordfihip then enquired the reafob of 
his coming to England; and upon the merchant's telling him 
his ftory, he fo interefted himfclf, as foon toprociwe t&qpfjr- 
ment of all his debts .-^-Cromwell then informed. ^ cier- 
chant, that he was himfelf the peribn he had thttSicGevdl; 
and for every ducat which the merchant had given hSm^ 4sf , 
returned to the value of a hundred, telling him, tjhat tbiB 
was the payment of his debt. He then made him a^jMin^ 
cent prcfent, and afked him whether he chofe toJetdein Eil- 
gland, or return to his own country ? The foreigner chdTe 
the latter, and returned to fpend the remamder of hi&4ifs 
in competence and quiet, after having experienced in lord 
Eflex as high an inftance of ^cnerofity and giatt^rfe w'ftti' 
baps ever was known. * - 



A^OLLEGTIOfi OFiBSSAVS, to. 375 



Jit ANECDOTE relative to Dr. J DAMSON. 

DIl.ADAMSON, afterwards archbUhop rf St. Andrews 
in Scodaady was oq^ of thofe clergymea, who when 
unprovided for, are condnually railing a^lnft church dignif> 
ties, pluraUties> and to forth: He is laid to have been a ba- 
ker's fon at Perth, and to have ailified at the firft general 
^^IcaiUy of the, kirk of Scotland, in 1660. After this, hav- 
ing deferted his mixuftry, he went over to France to fttuty 
the laws ; but upon h^ return, he betodc himfelf again to 
his firft profeffion, and being baulk'd of the archbifhoprick 
of St. Andrew^, in the. month of February 1572, he preached 
at the old gajhedr^l there, and in his fermon told the people 
■■['^ that there were thr^e forts of Bijhcps ; my Lord Bijbop ; my 
fiord's Bifbopi and the Lord's Bijbop. My Lord Bijbop, was 
y in the time of popery. My Lord's Bijbop, is now, when 
- my lord getteth the Fat. of the benefice, and the biftiop 
A^( iheth for a portion out of the benefice to makemy lord^s 
%. right fure; and the Lord's Bijbop, is the true minifVer of the 
Yf^^A^ of whom ye aw ken there's fcarce ane to be foond 
Ij-f^^ the whole laund. / 



•^ An A NE CD'OTE relative to -Mr. ADDISON. 

MR. ADDISON isib confiderable a name in the learned 
world, that every thing relating to his rife in theftate, 
^; where he likewife made a very important figure, muft give 
f pleafure to the Reader., Before the year 1(704, his merit 
hadl, no opportunity of being particularly diftinguifh'd ; but 
•^ ki that year, the lord-treafurer Gedolphin happened to com- 
X' fjain to the lord Halifax, that the duke of Marlborough's 
' . viftory> at Blenheim had not been celebrated in verfe in the 
; manner it dcferved; intimating that he would take it kindly, 
if hislordfliip who was the known patron of the poets, would 
name a gentleman, capable of writing upon fo elevated a fub- 
]t&. Lord Halifax replied with fome quicknefi, that be 
• was well acquainted with fuch a perfon, but that he would 
not name him ; adding, that ihe had longjeen with indignation^ 
men of no merit mairtiained in pomp afid luxury, at the expence 
^f the public, while perfons of modejiy, with great abilities^ 

langvijhd 



194 THE VOLirZ MISCELLANY: Or, 

languijh'd in obfcurity. The trctfur<)r fajWl very CQoly> ,tliae 
he was (orry -Us torcMbip had occafioa to make fiich an ob* 
fcrvatioD, apd that ipx the future hewoi^ take care to lem 
Set it lels jnft than it might be at prcfeht; but that, in t^ 
mean time, he would paiyn his honour, whoever Ms kW- 
(Wp (hould name, might venturp upon this Theme without' 
danger of lofing his time. Lotd Halifax thereupon named Mr/ 
Addiibn, but Infitted tfiat the treafurer himfelf fliould feiul 
to him, which he promifed. Accordingjy, he prevailed upoft. 
Mr, Boyle, (afterwards lord Carlton) then chancellor of Ae 
Exchequer, to go in his name to Mr. Addifon, and coimna- 
riicate to him the bufinefs, which he did in fo obliging a 
manner, that he readily entered upon the taflc. The lord 
treafurer <}odolphin (aw the poem before it was finUhed, 
when the author had writtep n» farther than the famous Si? 
mile of the Angel, and was fo wdl pleas'd with it, that he 
immediately made him a commifTioner of appeals, and evor 
after continued his friend. This p9em, entitled the Cam- 
paign, was afterwards publiflied, and received with loud and 
general applaufe, and was indeed fo exceMent, that it muft 
continue to be admired as long as the -vlftory is remembereci^ 



An ANECPOTE relative to fhe kfe Kk^ f BRUS SIA.. 

THE late king of Pruflia, father to the prefect, was 
remarkable for a total negleft of drcfs, fo that he vjaa 
frequently miftaken as he travelled through his dominions, 
for an ordinary peribn; which he often did, asweUtaob- 
ferve the temper of his fubjefts, as to make himfelf acqiftupt- 
cd with their grievances. He wore generally a bjue coat, 
little hat, and white worfted flockings ; and feldom travellerf 
in any other drefs. It happened one day, as he pafled tl^* 
Brandenburgh, upon one of his ufual excurfions, that ie 
caft his eyes upon a youg woman of a gigantic ftaturc, l>eiBg 
near feven foot high, at a village 40 miles diftant froril ferSn, 
Such a fight as this never efcaped his majefty unijotlced.' ttc 
jdighted from his horfe, andcaufedher to be broughtbefore him. 
He examined her as to her age and condition of Hfe ; and' find- 
ing (he was a poor fhoemakefs daughter of ni|ieteen, fingle, 
and unengaged ; he immediately fat down apd \vrote a %4ter 
to the colonelof the royal rcgitneiit of grenadier-guards, at 

Berlin> 



4k COLLECTION OF. W^S^AY^i k6. 375 

3crlih, commanding hhn to caufe the beiref t<5 be injfta&tly 
married to the tai^ manin his corps, and to be ibre toffee 
die ceremony performed. This letter he delivered to the 
yamg woman, without a^qoafeJting her with the contents ; 
but making her a handfome prefent, enjoined her on jiaia 
of the king's tHfpJeafure^ ta carry it asdirefted, and to de- 
liver it into the generaif'? owi> hand ; this' done he proceeded 
on his JQurnel^J The girl having never been at Bfcrlin, and 
i^ot fufpeftin^^e perfon in the blue coafi who* had given her 
the letter, ta be' the kitig, bargained with an^d \^omaa in 
the neighbourhood to carrf^the letter, at the feme time charg- 
ing her with the very fame injunftion to deliver it as (he herfelf 
had juft received from the gentleman in blue. The woman 
was true tohertrifft, ^d delivered die letter ; but the general 
on reading the contents, and viewing die perfbii that brought 
it, was furprifed. Hov^ever, his majefty's ord'ers \vere pe- 
remptory, and niuft be obeyed: The parties met and were 
married ; and the affair remained a myftery till Us majefty's 
return to bis capital; when, the firft perfons he wanted to' fee 
were his hatidfome, new-married couple. He was afttxiiftied 
at the fight of the bride, and in a violent rage demanded how 
flie came to pradfife fuch an abominable deceit ? The old wo- 
man told him the truth; and lifting up her eyes to heaven, 
0u:knowleJged the goodnrfsof- Providence in hringivgjucb a won-' 
^erfulvfork of charity fa ujie-xpe^ledly akouf. 



An ajfedling STORT of Two Lovjlks. 

ALL ye, whofe hearts to tender pity form'<^. 
Are ^ont to melt with fympathetic woe. 
Attend this irfournful tale : You^g Celadon 
And his Amelia: were a matchlefs pair, 
Withequsd virttfe form'd, and equal gface, 
The fame, diffinguifh'd by their lex alone : 
Hers the mild^Iuure of the blooming morn. 
And his the radiance of the rifen day. 

They lov'd. But fuch their guilefefs plffioii was, 
As in the dawn of time informed the heart.; 
Of innocence, a:nd undiOembfing ^uth. 
^was fricndftiip hd^^en'd by die mutual \Olih, 
Hi' eochantipg hope, and fympathetic glow, 

BcamM 



i 



376 THE roLiTft M«rcirjmiinrt hm^ 

Beamed from the mutual eye, Den}ting all 

To love, each wjis to each a dearer iM^ . . ' *- 

Supremely happy in th' awakcn'd power 

Of ^viog joy. Alooe^ aoud the ihadesi ^ ^ lyf 

Still in harmoiuous intercodri'e they Hv'd "^ ^ W i 

Tie rwal day, and talk'd the flowk^ heart, ^ ''■ ; ^^ * 

Orfigb*dt arid look'd unutterable Aings. .,* o * 

So pafs'd thehr Me, a dear united Rteim^ '^ ' 
By care unnifBed^ -till, in evil hour, "! * ^ "^ . 
The tempcft cadght them on the tender i^^- ^ 

Heedleis how far, and where itt mazes ftray'd, 

' While, wth each other bleft, creative love. 'j-^ ^^ 

Still hide eternal Eden finite around. 
Heavy with inftant fate her bofom hcav'd « 

Unwonted fighs, and ftealing oft a look ; v . 

Of the big gloom, on Celadon her eye .^ ■ . 

FeH tearfyl, wetting her diforder'd cheek* - , >: J'-;'j 

lu vain afluring love, and confidence -^ - ^ .^- 

In heaven reprds'd her fear; it grew, andflu)^,- hi 4. 
Hw frame, near diflblutioo. He pcrcdv'd ^ ' ' ^ "^ 
Th' unequal confUA, mid rsi^ angds look * f 

. Oil dying f^nt€, hisey^s compoffioafliM; ' "^ 

With love illumin'd high. * Fear not,, he fifid, * 

* Sweet Innocence] thou ftrangcr to offence, * 

* And inward ftoim I He who yon flfiesm^ves . * 

* In frowns of darknefs, ever fmiles on thee, 

* With kind regard. O'er the fecret fliaft 

* That waftes at midnight, or th^ undreaded hoUr 
- 'Of noon, flies harmlcfe: And that very voice, 

* Which thunders terror through the guilty heart, ;:. 

* With tongues of fcraphs whifpers peace to thine^ A 

* *Tis fefety to be near thee fure, and thus ' /; 
' Toclafp perfeftion!' From his void embrace, 
(Myfterious heaven!) that moment, to the ground^ • -^ 
A blacken'd corfew^s ftruck the beauteous maid. ^ ^ r' 
But who can paint the lover, as hp flood, . jL-f| '. 
Pierc'd by fevere amazement, hating life, ' . ■ ^- _ ^ • : ; ^t 
Speechlefs, and fix'd in all the death of woe! *^ ' 

So, faint refemblance, on the marble-tomb,, ^^, ^ ^^ 

The well-diflembled mourner flopping fland^ r'.'ic 
For ever filcnt, and for ever fad, v:/*^'* 



A cmhtxatm^ »t mSAYt^ -kc. ii9 



NOW a-dsiySf when a Ptiacefi enters mto the fif^i month 
of W'l>%n«i^y» *yfi «te-^eWH^ ^ B/fen- 

«ilubMm« dKi«i» libi diiie«lQn of «wr telMki ftcfii fiSuEce 
ifl^tn^ ito gd 4I[ut'^f'^lus^>i^1i:Itte»t^ io^^^e^eft^ama^, 
:>aiLd/|be fldbotk^iiMi^ ^e'f0q«e is toongt^l^^^ 
.^1^; 4»ebp ^ aiteF :fo defircMSs of ^naldyg-sc6«^ 

faces oppofe it. Cayet, ^b^^^efftortpflW^^lV; -«^atei, 
*« That Jean of Albert, having requefted to accompany her 
hufband in the Picardy wars, the King, her i^^er, laid his 
commands on her, fhould fhe prove with child, to come away 
with her big belly to him, to be delivered in his houfe, and 
he would Uke care of the child, boy or girl.*' This Prin- 
eefs, being pregna^iM:, ill her filnth month, fet out&orn Qom- 
peigne, crofTed all France down to the Pyrenees, and in a fort- 
night reached Pau in Berne. She was very defirous, adds the 
Hiftorian, to fee her fatipr's will, which was kept in a large 
gold box, with which alS was a gold chain of i&ch a lengdk 
as to go twenty*five or thirty times abcMit a woma)i*s neck ; 
ihe afked Jum for it> «Tj>ou JJ^t Jhav^, £i«d he, cm thy , 

* (howing fi^e iiie ^u4^'ttQW In thy wsim^ So that it be no 

* puny, whii^perm|; phit; ,1 give i^^ee :^ ¥«3rd the whole 

* ihaU be thine/prqjrided fibat,3wi^<li^ thdu 
« fmgeft me a Ber^ fod^^ aiid I ;9lHl be^:4lt thy delivery.' Be- 
tween midnight an^ one^'clouSF, ^.the lath of December^ 
1^53, the Ptincefs's pi$as qipie «jap, her father, on notice, 
haftened down, and ihe 1t)^arii||g him come into the room, 
chanted out the old Berne \^\ 

Notre Dame tfu bout du ponty 
Aidez 7noi en cette JUteure, ire. 
Immediately after her delivery, her fadier put the gold 
chain about her neck, and gave her the gold bene, in which 
was his will, faying, < There, girl, that is thine, but this be-/ 
IcMdgs to me/ taking up the babe in his gown without ftaying 
till he was dreHed, and carried him into iiis apartment. The 
little Prince was fed and brought up, fo as to inure him tofii- 
tigue and hardfhip, frequently eating nothine but the coarfeft 
common bread; clxe good Kmg, his grandfather, had given 
iiich orders. He ufed, according to the cuftom of die country, 
to run about bare-headed and bare«fboted, with the viUage 
boys, both in winter and fummer. ff^hp nuas this Prince ? 
IfenrylV. 

? I> If 



1 



370 T:H|5vt.^MT* >l*5Q«*ttL4tlir: »*. 



If THIS MISCM LLSNT d^r n^ SeUiMb^JiB^ 
ANECDOTE pwnts out the ttfofmfor it. 




AGemlfipiaa ooce a(kcd jM% tkfi flb:s»lafilrs J 
riiouglit mi P»M9f t^^fmff wovtil tar JUi pi 
Fray» tir, VA. L%, wluu pi^mKMrliaii da yoa thmk famr^uu 
«r 90^ ftliA befr 10 tbc reft of umlnMl? Oil! ftgridie 
otber, not abisMfc cae^to twenty. ^^, ^A ref^^ itrftty, 
iit tke soatteea % m:fir^9ciest mdihm .(mii^ia|;;]u6jfa|p») 
that! for j^eot man ^ffsa^ took. jjf^ ^ «- 



F IN IS. 



■ ...4 



TH^ 










A . 



r I 



D E -X. 



•f^rC 



.A^ 






AKEH^CJ^Jfi, Pr's. Infcrijp. C- -^ »^ 

' tion'for a Column at Candle^ TaB6m ^j^gif^ 

Riumymede *I7 oa • 224 

^ Alps, , a Poem, £xtra6b from Ceremony aiod Complj^fkficef 

it 43 Remarks on ^ 341 

Alchemifty Ph>ceedmgs of, at ^urchiB^s Verfes in Wintfuw 

Berlin 34^ Park *I7 

Afthma, a Recipe for 146 — Author, Extrads from 165 

Atheift, an odd Story of 225 Dueflift, Charadter of a 

Lawyer 246 

B. Gotham,Extra^sfroiia283 

Barrow, Dr. an Anecdote re Book I L 3^^ . 

lative to 61 — ? Conference, an account 

Beauty, Power of 48 of 15? 

Belinda, Advice to 198 China broken, to join 243 

Beauty- Wafli, a never-failmg Chearfulnefs, Verfes on 256 

one 202 Children, Msmagement of, % 

Bedford^ Duke of. Anecdote Mrs. Meryfield 313 

relaifve to 13a • C3iarle» I. King, fuffered for 

Beef Teai to make 242 '^ his infincerity I9j^ 

Bigotry an4 Mali.ce, aSolilo- Chriftian true, what conm« 

quy occafi(^ed¥y themiii tutes 230 

Boifli, an Anecdote concern- Charity, exceffive in Eng-, 

inghim 239 land 18 i 
Bribery in Par— rt, an Epi- Courtflup stnd Marriage, Re- 
gram * 1 13 fledions on. 21 *22 
Bread, ill confequencc <rf eat- Content, a Paftoral 5 1 
' ing bad, to make of Tur- Condu^of Life, Rules for ^44 

nips and Potatoes 253 Com mildew'd, to prevent 157 

Broglio, MaHhal, an Anec- CorbeauRenee, HiftoryOf25>^ 

dote concerning 2^6 Courtihip, Letter of, ^ J a 

Broth, Knuckle, to make 242 Welfli Trajefm^i* 3^4 

Britain, a Panegyric on 276 Conti, Prince, of, Anecdotc^^ 

Brent, Charles, an Anecdote concerning hHn 18^ 

CQpceming 312 Commons, advantage of in« 

•" Butterflies, two, a Fable 67 clofing ,. 190 

Butler, an Anecdote concern- Collin j^d PhSis, a P$^ft$q^ 

inghim 104 Dialogtre , *. ^ ^*> 

^yrqirai Dr's, extempore ver- Cdlin and Jenney, aT^^ lu^ 

fes a^ainft Swearing 79 €f^dit, Pumic, a defcpptia| 

, to the Memory of 81 of ' ' k\^ 

A Crorav.ejl 



I K, D, E. X, 



rebdvt A i6i % 

2>eiiAis*s Letter to "^dicrly," 
OS Blodt&ifiids jEucceedh^fl^ 
III iifcctf *^ ^ ' Ifg 

Adnuch of a joimg Lady, 
keptdeotmtdr 266 

^Ibeadi-bed Spedfb tf aM itea* 
th«i ^ ^ '1^:3 

J^forders of die StoihsT^h, and 
Ulcefation of the Lungs, 
cuted 83 

t)ire6tion of a Pofl-tettfcr, m 
Rhyme 113 

Dog. remarkable/ of Sarah 
GolJIrmlth, atBaldock ;& 

prowned Perfons,to recover 97 



IPs 
Filial Piety, 

Sttmr 
Frederic, late 
"AifMdte 



vemarkable 



sl^l 



;^^ 



Eclogue Oriental, I. 


ps. 


ir. 


Ui 


- — III. 


134 


....-IV, 


175 



Elephants, natural Hiftory 
of 281 and 291 

Englifliman^shoneft hbpes and 
Wihes z 

Epigrams, oh Fofbd»s*$ chal- 
lenge to waKes;"61i Pitt's 
accq>tiftg or rcfufi6g ; — on 
two contending Parties : --on 
toy Lord kiffing his/naid B2 

Fpi^Ie poedcal, to a remote 
Friend 98 

— - to Lord rii— y ' 18 

S^itaph on kix Infant 21^ 

—- 0^ Reigneer, by h2mfe!]r243 

f^x^ions, a Letter concerning 
, thtm, by Punnibus ^ 

Farcy in Rorfes, cure for 99 
Ff rgnfon, on weighing iijffe- 



Ceef& iiui Dudb to fii^c^i^ jf| 
Glouocfttt^Hapipi^ 

Anotddte'e6tL<:et^iur .248 
6fandeur worldly, itfiaii^if^ 

Hagley-Park Sguifiip^s^ to . 

warbuttoi's Squiir^, aad 

the Aufwer -W^ • 

Happinefs, Imagfl;iai$^V ];> . 

jfearch after 02 

If^dy, Captain, an Anecdote .?. 

concerning hin^ 1 85^ 

jSa j)pi Aefs, Enquiry S#^ 238 
Hardwicke, ^^fV<^ ^Ig^F ■ 

Health, Benefit 6f, 34f-»~ . 

Hecate, kites m, a S<mg i|^< / 

ttorfe's Monument, imcr^tioa 

Holt, Ld Chief Jufliofe, aia 
Anecdoteconccrnin||h^i09 . 

]ftottentQtts, Marriage iferc- 
itoonies of .2^P 

Honeft'Man^ Charato ^f 327 

Hymen, an Interlude, 1^^-? 
tt-adts from ^ , ^(ji 

Jeluits dprninion in ^ Para* 

guay 205 and 209 

Johnfon, Jumes anibis"W1fe^s 

A«^m«Hiftori' Sf 

Initiation of a Nun, a Stig^ 
of an intended one 45 
Ingra- 



X m m m- x 






concernuig bim 



w 



with the Kittg^ * 49 

. vants dreflmg in his Wife's 

dMtJn : 4$ 

^^4 — from a Man duraemonths 

after nnrriagc 1S5 

l^eotf, Fall of, Vef&s oaie 83 1 

Littleton^ Ld* to Dr. Ay- 

ftottgli 141 

JLye, a Portraituife xtf it, by 
Jt«f ' 18 

Mftlbii, Mrf , Su&ftmahy ' her 

£|»itaph 48 

AlaunjSy the enthnfiaftic, his 

Charoaer 84 

Mftcamky, Mrs's, HtftoiT' of 

England '"' , 127 
ybusmBstm&y Thouj|^ oa 

them 179 

^i^d's Hu^aad, Zlefisription 

of 361 

Metaphorical Lai^gttafe of 

political Meiehanics, and 

Tradefmen 137 

Mind of Man^ cotnpaved to a 

Garden * 324 

Mpming, Verfeson 80 

Montagaey Lady Mary Wort^ 

ly's Letter 353 

Vkos^^y remarkdilei an \t^ 
' socest Man near btin^ con- 

im^Aifit 153 

. -: i«tr- A 2" 



ceming>fcim *«r . 8j 

lierthumbedand».£8i9i#C,iAd« 
4ai^to(afc:£9baft0r^ tllQiD 

Qiford, carLot an Apeorfotc 
, concerabg ttq^ K^ 

,.■'__ ■ ^ <• .... ^i .J. i... 
P. 
£a9tnt3ii*/inpri]d4BCQ of ttt»i|^ 
depquktt fA.%ir.Cfail* 

Jacty of l^ka^^nx, %ctm/^ of 
by Humphry <kdaliQH& 6 
Beppar-Miot^Water» fid 

make C43 

Peas to focbpar^ ^&r4eeaiBg 

Hogsiutd ffor|M» §35 

F«pbroke, earl ot Attffiodote 

coiypaoi^iag ^tm ^ 

People dfC^BOtttnAripiin «MI^ 

King, anAddsdb , 98 

Philaflbr, Prai«giic lo. 9^ 

Philips £laq^*s £piftqA 

6n 204 

PppHli ifaid'^fUfiaAtOgMDc 
AiModote £<»gi£erxttflg , ^4^ 
Porcus, Charader ^f 7S 
Ponetati, ^ piefenne up^ 
Prim, Obadiah> timer to z 
Watehmakeir 936 

Pruflia, King o£\ Gam* . 

paigns, cxtraAs.from s 
T— • — Aneoobte /poncexning 
him 'i(Jj 

T->-<.* his Bachanali^n adven- 
ture, withdb^BanajdABiel* 
field . . ^ Si 

Pnni^us, m Tale ^ i^J 
Protefbiitifo and Pop^*: an. 
Anecdote relative to ^ 
^ PUltney's 



.1 N sr » X 



Pultiiar, W,4Bfq; and Sir R. 

$'i ccmins ^R* * fo 

- Uecne S. 1S7 

«Sailor and Pcdhr Jeir, a trae 

Story 340 

Scjthc, Advantage of tfao& 

tSBX>ld, Epignfad^oB 181 

Scales of Iron a good M^- 

cine 83 

Ifed^flBon M;m ikiartied Man, 

attanped bf aJLadf 9a 
Seymour, Sir Edward, and Sir 

Jolin Menie, an Anecdote 
^ concerning 147 

ShenAicme's Gardens, adCle- 

gr . .. '^9 

— *--- Enldgy ott mm 321 
« Eiegy on a Lksentious 

AoMttr 309 

^eep Shearing, a Song 358 
StlhCtopr^eandremeify 

Its wenaeu 237 

Siberia, Difcoveryof, &c. 284 
Slas|ier> an Ejumm npon36o 
fiong, a Paftonu one *i8 
— ^-^a at theQgfjihfisl^akce 79 
Stair, earl of. Anecdote con- 

cemihp 30^ 

Steele, Sir Ric&ard, Anecdote 

concerning 312 

Sdllingfleet, Dr. Anecdotecon- 

ceming 308 

Strip-me-nakedi or Royal Gin 

forever, a^mile 315 

Swift, Dean, Anecdote con- 
cerning 305 
— — FoftraitfromtlieLifc 327 

T. 
TagwcD, Tinic*liy's,,BiIl to 

George Bnb, i)oddingt<m 

Efq; 222 

Temple, Lady,toLadyCharle3 



't*hieTts and Sliarpers^ Imr to 
deted; / 177 

Thoi^ts 06 k^nxalz^A- 
jeds 378 

Throat lbrt» or Lumps b, to 
cure xbo 

iThdcoplonand^gitt, an Anec- 
dote concemiig 115 

Ttmodiy Grafi, Culdva^on 
of 306 

.Tradefman, Rules to nsake a 
good one 139 

.Ttarel, foreign, ufi» of 217 

TiQolf(^, A^. an Anecdote 
cdatiye Ho , z^ 

V«r&s on a Lady's afkis^ a 
Ghitleinan how much « 
Ipvedher 37 

*'-: to a young Lady fickof 
a Cold 64 

Virtue, happ^nefs, a Letter 
from the inftrudtiire Lettarr 
Writer; an excellent coDec- 
tion ,■ 27, 37,.te. 

Voltair's Papal Anecdote 169 
-.- ^. on Toleration, Extradi 
from W. 337 

WakdE^, l^ni»r Atfiecdote re- 
* lative to 238 

Watch, Verfi» on ^ 240 
Wheeler, Mifs Fanny, an Ec- 
logue ipoke by 64 
What we muft all come to. 
Epilogue to it 201, 
Wit, what it is • 35 
Witches and 'Witchcraft, 

Thoughts on 316 

Wtib Man and Mute, a Fa- 
ble 359 
WolfeiG^eral,hxs£pitaphi 3i 
World unknown, Verfes on 190 
Wolfey, Cardi»lt, Anecdote 
conc^ming jof 



<K ci^ 



H V 



I 









Cf-:-""-'^ 






f, 



•■yt: 



. ■ ' ■ ' .m:>a. •■■■■'■ 



^>H 



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ii^uiMUfiiiiHail